Original subtitles

(Dynamic music)

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(Text on screen)

(Dramatic instrumental music)

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- (slurping) - (video game noises sounding)

- (munching) - (video game noises sounding)

(video game noises sounding)

L1, circle,

down, left, up, right, triangle down.

Now, try this one.

L1, R1, right, right, left, right, up, up, down.

- (video game trilling) - Harneel: Come on, man!

Jasmeet: That's what I did!

- Give me the controller. - What? No.

You suck at lava jumping. We're gonna lose hearts.

At least let me put in the cheat.

My fingers are faster.

All right.

Harneel: Stoked for our Dastar Bandi?

Jasmeet: I just hope no one thinks we look like uncles.

Nah, man. We'll look so much sicker.

Girls go crazy.

I hope Emma goes crazy.

Same, man. She's so fine.

Hottest girl ever.

- Jasmeet: Yes! - Harneel: I told you.

Let's go.

Oh, snap!

Maanvi coming through with the after school Maggi.

- Pause it, pause it, quick. - God, this smells delicious.

Maanvi: Mummy said you can only play for a half hour more.

Then, I'm allowed to watch Lizzie McGuire.

Jasmeet: Yeah, whatever.

Harneel: Pooji's noodles are the best.

Maanvi: I helped her make it, too, you know.

Yeah, that's why it's so good.

I knew it.

(both trilling)

You're welcome!

Yeah, okay. Thanks, Maanvi.

Thanks, Maanvi.

Dad, eww. What is this backpack? I'm not in grade 3 anymore.

That's a crocodile. Totally different.

That's cool. This is for kids. It isn't.

Why can't you just get normal stuff from Staples,

like regular kid's parents or Harneel's?

Harneel: "K-Wality Pencil-z".

Weird name.

Dollar Store is best.

Yeah, but the kids at school

always swipe binders and it destroys all the rings.

Swipe?

What do you mean "swipe"?

Jasmeet: Here, let's show him.

Now, obviously I didn't use my full power

because this is just a demonstration,

and I'm very respectful towards this house and everything in it.

Dumb and dumber. Two of you.

Oh, my God, that's why I asked you

if you get those Five Star binders,

like from the commercials.

Just tell them, don't do it.

How come I get the stinky old backpack.

Not fair! You guys get everything.

I don't even get a Dastar Bandi.

(sighing) Great.

Now, I'm gonna get ripped on and have loose papers all year.

(sighing)

? Then you told me to go away ?

(pop punk music playing)

- (bell ringing) - I don't see how my dad

expects me to walk around with this lame-ass backpack.

It's so embarrassing. Everyone's looking at me.

I mean, do you want my backpack?

I mean, I can balance the books on my head pretty good.

- Jasmeet: Naw, it's cool, man. - Harneel: Don't stress.

We'll get some spray paint, or tape something over it.

Let's cover it with Janky Twin stickers.

- That'll be sick. - Yo, yo, yo!

Is that my favourite Turbanators!

What you guys saying? Wanna play ball?

Jasmeet: Maybe later.

Gotta go lay down some other game first.

All right, player. I see you.

Girl: Lame-ass backpack.

Yo, is it true what all the kids are saying?

Wait.

What are they saying?

There's some Britney Spears look-alike at our school.

Nah, I think that's her younger sister.

Maybe she's like a clone.

Right, right.

They cloned that sheep and Britney Spears.

Oh shit! Be quiet, she's right there!

Stop. Oh my God. I actually love her, though.

- It's good to love yourself. - Emma: You're crazy.

Who are you guys, like, twins? Or maybe you're the clones?

Clones. But they just got my genes

mixed up with Justin Timberlake's.

That's why I turned out white and crazy hot.

Stop. Oh my God.

- Nah, we're cousins. - Emma: How cute.

Is that why, like - not to be rude or anything -

but you guys are both wearing those things on your heads?

What's it for?

Well, we're Sikh. Not like, sick.

We're also super sick, you know?

- Yeah. - It's our religion.

So, is it, like, your hair in there?

- Can I see it? - Nah, nah, nah.

It's only for special people, like, I don't know,

if you become one of our dates to the dance or something.

Wow, couple of smooth talkers over here, eh?

Let's see if one of you will be the lucky one.

Or maybe both?

I know it's tempting, but you can only pick one of us.

(bell ringing)

Anyways, I gotta go to class.

Nice shoes. Only cool people wear K-Swiss.

Shieeet. Well, that's all you, dog.

I'll hit up one of her friends.

Maybe the redhead? The world needs more gingers.

You're wearing a patka, no one can tell you're a ginger.

You can see the back hairs!

The ladies love a li'l sneak peek tease!

Okay. Uh, Jason.

- Here. - Good.

Uh, Bryce.

- Bryce: Here. - Teacher: Morning.

Uh...

Fart-zeen.

Am I...?

Am I saying that correctly?

- Farzin: Here. - Okay.

Great. Um...

Mock... tar?

Uh...

Moktar: Here.

Okay. And, uh, Jazmine?

Jass...

- Jasmeet? - Here.

- And it's Jus-Meet'. - Juzmeet?

Jazz- Jaz-Meet?

'Jus-Meet'.

- Jazmine. - 'Jus-Meet'.

Juh- like...

How about I just call you 'Jaz?'

Just-Meet. Just- like, "it's just nice to meet you."

I got it! Nice.

Good. Neat! Okay, uh...

Here's an easy one. Okay. Catherine?

- (phone ringing) - Oh, just one second.

- Excuse me, class. - (phone ringing)

Hello?

Oh, my God. What?

Yeah, okay. Yeah, um...

Yes.

Uh...

Class, just give me...

Just give me one minute, um...

Please just stay put, okay?

(chattering)

Dude, I wonder how bad she's gonna butcher my name.

Relax, bro. Yours is way easier to pronounce.

What? Nah, man. Mine is way harder.

- What you talking about? - Bro, you got it easy, man!

Bryce: Hell yeah, movie time!

- (cheering) - Mrs. Douglas: No, no, no, no.

No, no. It's not movie time. It's, uh...

(sighing) Oh, God.

Something very serious has happened, class,

and I think it's really important that we all watch it.

(exhaling sharply)

Anchor: If you are just joining us,

as we have been watching, just moments ago,

a second plane appears to have collided

with the second tower in New York City.

We do have footage of that.

A second plane has crashed into the second tower

of the World Trade Center in Manhattan.

Now, speculation obviously rampant already

that this is some sort of act of terrorism.

Clearly, after the first crash, people were unsure.

After the second plane,

people are now beginning to come to their own conclusions.

(sirens sounding on TV)

I think it was Russians or maybe Chinese.

They have a really sneaky technology.

Oh, these Muslim extremists, they're always overreacting.

And we Sikhs had to fight them to make them humble.

Gurdeep: And these extremists are even more strong-willed.

Naturally, these countries will get sick and retaliate.

Supinder: This is not the way.

Innocent people have died.

Regardless, whoever is responsible for this tragedy

has to understand that this is only going to create

fear and division.

- (voice echoing) - I'll show you a trick.

- Look at this. - Listen,

if anybody says anything to you at school or wherever,

you should call one of us adults right away. Okay?

Uh, sure.

Uh, yeah, Mom, no problem. Can we go play now?

(Parents continue speaking in Punjabi)

(Punjabi music playing)

Jasmeet: Come on, Dad, turn it down. Everyone can hear.

(Jasmeet sighing)

(Man singing in Punjabi)

Jasmeet...

Okay.

- Yeah. Have a nice day. - Okay.

Oh, Jasmeet!

Bag! Can you hear me?!

- Hey! - Jasmeet!

(Men shouting in Punjabi)

- Jasmeet! - Girl: What's going on?

Boy: Are those the guys from TV?

(Uncles continuing in Punjabi)

Oye!

(shouting in Arabic)

(all shouting in Arabic)

Reporter: Spotted at a local middle school...

...rumoured to be the nephew of the leader of the Taliban -

Osama bin Laden.

A backpack full of explosives,

given to a middle school student...

(reporter continuing indistinctly)

- (bell ringing) - Oh, shit.

- Mrs. Douglas: Farzin? - Farzin: Here.

Moktar?

Moktar: Here.

Jasmeet?

(Kids whispering indistinctly)

Boy: Do you think he was the one that did it?

Boy #2: I think I saw his family on the news.

Boy #3: He's one of the guys who did that shit.

(Kids whispering indistinctly)

Don't look at me! I'm not even Muslim.

Don't look at me. I'm Shia.

(Kids whispering indistinctly)

Can we just- Can we just settle down, please, class?

- Jason. - Jason: Present.

- Bryce. - Bryce: Here.

Mrs. Douglas: Mark.

Jason: Kent.

Bryce: Joseph.

A'ight, let's play ball.

No one's trying to play with those Turbanators anyway.

Yeah, Terribanators.

- What the hell? - (kids laughing)

Watch this.

You take the first shot.

Ouch!

Yo, don't do that! That's not funny!

(Indian accent:) Too slow, buddy.

- (Regular voice:) Let's go. - Bryce: Yo, that was so funny.

What the hell's going on, man?

Everyone's like completely switching up on us.

I know.

It's so weird. They were fully chill with us yesterday.

Now, my joora's loose? This sucks.

- (sighing) - Let's go, man.

These guys suck shit at ball anyway.

Announcer: Catch the second season of the new show

everyone's talking about: Survivor.

Anchor: And in our top story, a Sikh gas station attendant,

Balbir Singh Sodhi,

was shot and killed today in a drive-by shooting,

in what appears to be a hate crime of sorts, police say.

Tensions escalate for many members

of the Muslim and Sikh community,

as it appears they are being targeted in a stream

of post-9-11 attacks.

(tires screeching)

(thudding on door)

(clattering)

Woman: Fuck you, bin Laden!

Man: Fucking Taliban piece of shit!

(tires screeching)

Woman: Go back to the desert, asshole!

(dog barking in distance)

Go inside! Hurry!

(speaking Punjabi)

? I'm not a child, I'm a methodical beast ?

? Welcome to another periodical piece ?

? I'm a twisted pitbull, watch these bodies go weak ?

? Smiling now but all you see is a fuckin' lot of gold teeth ?

? I'm Prevail, I was born to reign, imperial bloodline ?

? Dark harvest moon, consume luminous sunshine ?

? Sparks turn to fire, burn those who are tongue-tied ?

? The life of vampires... ?

(doorbell ringing)

? Calculated strategies, maniac that's homicidal ?

Supinder: Aah! Hai Rabba! (speaking indistinctly)

(adults shouting indistinctly)

(overlapping voices speaking)

Gurdeep: Sunsan, you know what you have done?!

- (overlapping voices speaking) - It's a blunder!

Susan: I'm afraid for him. You should be afraid for him.

He's our child.

(Gurdeep shouting in Punjabi)

(Bakshish speaking Punjabi)

I always wanted my son

to grow up like a Sikh man, not like this.

Gurdeep: Susan, all we are saying

is that it's very important to keep our hair.

You think I don't know that?

Then, you also know how much it means

to our gurus, our history,

and what a shameful act to cut our hair.

A Sikh warrior would be beheaded by a sword

rather than scissor touching their God-given gift.

It's shame, shame.

Well, just to bring you gentlemen up to speed,

that was ages ago, in a completely different time

and a completely different place.

No matter the place or time, we carry our traditions with us.

Susan: That was a time of war.

We live in a peaceful country now, in Canada.

This too is a time of war, lady.

We have been targeted unfairly.

Didn't you see what they did to his plants?

That's my point exactly.

Harneel told me all about the horrible bullying

they experienced at school today.

They were trying to rip off his patka!

You think there's gonna be any change tomorrow

without taking action today?

What did you do?! You look so weird now!

Why did you guys do this to him?!

Why?!

Why isn't anybody saying anything?!

Maanvi...

- No! - Right now!

But look what they did to Harneel!

I said go!

Gurdeep: Jasmeet never mentioned anything about bullying,

but anyway, I would never cut my son's hair

over some gora kids barking some bullshit!

Supinder: Susan, he's right.

This is a Sikh household and we need to be stronger than that.

What will the community think?! What about my reputation?!

I don't care what anyone thinks!

I am worried about the safety of my son!

Wait a minute! What have you said? Your son?!

He's my son too!

I've given my whole life to this boy.

No! You need to stop

putting this insane amount of pressure on them.

They're just kids, for the love of God!

Let the kids be kids.

Bakshish: Oh, Susan, you know what are you talking about?

They have to stand up for themselves!

Gurdeep: Susan, why did you not talk to us?

Susan: I don't know why I'm on trial for this.

Bakshish: We have to teach our religion.

(kids chattering)

Zara: Your hair looks so good, Harneel.

Yeah, so glad you decided to get rid

of that gay-ass rag and baseball.

Jason: Guy went from freakin' Harneel

to mother-freaking Neal, baby!

Boys: Ayy!

Jason: You're gonna get all the girls now.

Oh see, one comes right now.

Emma: Love the hair.

You actually do look like Justin Timberlake, Harneel.

Hey, it's Neal now. Get it right, man.

- (kids chattering) - Boy: That's my boy Neal.

(kids chattering)

Okay, let's take your seats. Everybody take your seat-

Zara: It looks so good.

Ooh! There's a little change, eh?

I like it.

Zara: He's so funny.

Emma: I know. Oh, my God.

Mrs. Douglas: Okay...

Let's get going.

Isn't it right, puth?

- Yes. - Simmi Aunty: So sweet.

(Punjabi music playing)

Boy: Yo! Ball! Ball! Ball!

Cover him! Cover him!

(boys chattering, shouting insults)

Bryce: Fuck you, man!

He can't guard you!

Boy: Take the fuckin' shot, dumbass.

Jason: Yo, let's play some defence!

Bryce: Yo, pass.

Pass. Watch this. Watch this. Hey, Jaz.

Wanna sub in?

- Yeah? - Jasmeet: Uh, sure.

Bryce: This is gonna be fun.

- Yo, chill! - All right, all right.

- Just keep playing. - (sighing)

All right.

Come on, man!

Shit, my bad, player.

(sighing) All right.

Bryce: What the hell?

Yo! What's your problem, guy?!

Harneel: Come on, bro. Just chill out.

Relax. We're just playing.

You know exactly what you're doing, you piece of shit!

Oh, big man, eh? What are you gonna do?

Fly a plane into my house now?

- The hell did you say to me?! - You heard me, bitch!

(growling)

Kids: Fight! Fight! Fight!

Hey! Knock it off!

Knock it off! Get off him! Get off him!

He shoved me for no reason, Mrs. D!

Liar! You started it, you fucking pussy!

Excuse me?! Language! Do you know what?

Get to the office. Go. Now.

What? Why? He started-

Now!

(kids laughing)

Get up. Get up.

Fucking kids.

Bryce: Hey, you guys saw it, right?

I whooped his ass.

(chattering)

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

Emma: Hold on.

Hey.

Hey.

So, is it true?

Is what true?

What all the other kids are saying about you.

What are they saying about me?

That you're Osama's nephew?

I don't know.

Like, I think what your uncle did is really messed up.

(bell ringing)

Girl: Oh my God.

?

(Country and Western music playing softly)

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?

(man singing in Punjabi)

?

(man singing in Punjabi)

(man singing in Punjabi)

?

(man singing in Punjabi)

?

(man singing in Punjabi)

Nice.

Congratulations.

(uncles speaking indistinctly)

Simmi Aunty: Congratulations, beta.

You look so good!

(overlapping voices)

So nice.

(overlapping voices)

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

(overlapping conversation in Punjabi)

(Punjabi music plays quietly)

It looks good on you.

Thanks, man.

Winter's gonna suck for you, though.

Nothing to keep your head warm with that exposed-ass scalp.

Dang, getting roasted and toasted.

So, you, uh, catch the new Dragon Ball Z?

Yeah. That Cell versus Trunks fight was so sick.

Trunks is leveling up man, I'm tellin' ya.

Nah, Cell's way stronger.

But, I mean, they always end it right when it gets good.

Bro, I know! So lame.

You see that flashback episode last week?

Flashbacks are so dumb.

Yeah, such a gimmick.

(laughing, speaking indistinctly)

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