Original subtitles

A former Navy man turned reluctant politician...

Zacky Farms on the label...

In other political news...

From the political pack on the long campaign trail to the White House...

Yes?

10:30. Yes, I know.

In what promises to be a heated race...

Looks like the admiral's ahead in the polls.

I bet he's happy.

The era for politically expedient state decisions is gone.

The time for difficult choices is now.

We need to bring this country back from the brink of disaster

and return it to the status of world leadership.

Together, we can do it.

Teresa, you think Michelmore will make president?

I don't know from politics, Mr. Mace.

Why don't you ask señora Michelle?

Oh, I've got two coupons there for Captain Crunch.

You want one for little Javi?

Hmm, ok.

Hollywood apartment. The L.A.P.D. has no motive or leads at the moment,

but believes the execution-style murder

was a professional hit.

The victim, James L. Pooler,

was a local real estate executive.

The assailant struck the 48-year-old broker

while entering his underground parking structure.

It appears to be a case of mistaken identity,

since Mr. Pooler did not appear to have

any ties to organized crime or drug trafficking.

Welcome.

Warning: The failsafe automatic default mechanism

is engaged.

System launch. System override.

Please enter password.

System launch will trigger at 0900 hours

unless automatic armed default is overridden.

Thank you.

System disarmed.

Disarm. Abort launch.

From healthy snacks to great-tasting side dishes.

From recipe starters to home family meals.

...have always been a deliciously easy way

to make sure your family has the very best.

In the financial news day,

Wall Street struggled through another blue Monday

as the stock market...

Day 162. Preparations continue as planned.

Michelmore hysteria is spreading like a bad flu.

He still leads in the polls.

He seems to be the short odds-on favorite.

The idea of that man living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

gives me the creeps.

H.l. Menken was right...

No one ever went broke underestimating the taste

or the brains of the American people.

Perimeter breach alert in zone 6.

Repeat: Perimeter breach alert in zone 6.

Intruder detected in laundry area.

Zone 2.

Zone 2.

Looking for me?

I'll take that.

Shoot him! Aah!

Back off, man!

Back off!

No! No!

Put the fucking gun down!

Teflon-coated devastators.

They'll go through her and you like butter.

62 seconds and a dead maid.

Not good, Stuart. Not good at all.

Oh, my fucking back!

Seems things have taken a turn for the worse, see?

The coppers are here.

What?

It's bogie.

No, it's not.

No!

He almost gave me a heart attack,

and I'm not going to wait for that to happen!

Teresa, please!

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

Hi.

You're not even dressed?

I told you, we have a 10:30.

We do? With who?

Dr. Simon.

Dr. Simon?

Of course. Dr. Simon!

You have no life. Am I right?

I mean, I know what his excuse is.

What's yours?

Are you talkin' to me?

Are you talkin' to me?

Well, it's... It's De Niro.

I'm ready.

Teresa quit.

There's an R.V. parked outside the house.

I've never seen it before.

Are you listening to me?

I heard you.

Well, this has got to stop, dad.

You can't keep tying maids to water heaters,

holding them at gunpoint, throwing them into the pool.

We're lucky nobody's pressed charges.

What do I need with a housemaid... keeper?

They're nothing but a security headache, anyway.

Mr. Sowell, your daughter tells me

you don't get out of the house much.

It's not safe.

Yet you came here.

Only under duress.

Duress?

Threat of a mental competency hearing.

I see.

So, how long have you worked for the telephone company?

Doctor, let's...

clear up any potential misunderstanding here.

No matter what my daughter has told you,

I am no deluded agoraphobic or crazy psychotic.

I know exactly whose end is up.

You think I enjoy going around laying

on the floor of my daughter's 4 by 4

looking like a member of the Village People?

I don't do this for fun!

I do this as a matter of security.

Security?

Fair enough.

So, how's your concentration?

Your memory?

Fine. How's yours?

So no problems remembering, say, what you had for breakfast?

I had an omelet.

I'm assuming your father's British?

That's correct.

He was born in the U.K., but he met my mother here

in the United States.

I see.

So your father was an agent with military intelligence?

Is that what he told you?

He was a P.R. man for the United States Information Service.

He had nothing to do with the military.

He seems quite convinced otherwise.

Yeah, well... he also thinks he was a government contract killer

and that Thomas Michelmore wants him dead.

That he didn't tell me.

Usually, paranoia associated with a disease is much more... generic.

Most patients think people are stealing things from them,

not trying to kill them.

But your father's case, that's a different deal.

See, most of his symptoms are consistent

with early Alzheimer's... agitation, irritability,

early language impairment, short term memory deficit,

but his PET scans... his PET scans show

his glucose metabolism is not as reduced

as his behaviour might indicate.

So, frankly, aside from elevated cholesterol

and blood pressure, he's as healthy as a horse.

Cognitively and behaviourally, of course.

His capacity for self care may be another story.

With extreme paranoia so early on in the disease,

he could go fast.

You're taking the same route home!

I know, dad. I'm sure we weren't followed.

Bullshit! You can't be sure of anything.

They look for patterns.

Sometimes they have teams of 10, 15 cars tailing someone.

Dad, doesn't it strike you as strange

that mom and I never knew you were in the C.I.A.?

D.I.A., D.I.A.!

Defense Intelligence Agency!

I was under deep cover.

What did you expect?

"Hi, honey, I'm home!

"Man, what a killer day at the office.

I shot 2 terrorists and a commie spy!"

You know, Dr. Simon wants to take you off

of the fluoxetine and thioridazine.

He thinks they may be causing your...

confusion.

You know what's causing my confusion?

You are.

You take me to one doctor who puts me on fluoxetine.

You take me to another one who takes me off it.

One wants me on thyrite...

whatever the hell it's called,

the other one says it's making me agitated.

I'm not agitated!

I am not senile!

And I am most definitely not crazy!

He said if he becomes too much to handle,

we might want to consider a locked facility.

Don't you think that seems extreme?

Don't worry. You'll never take him alive.

We're talking about your dad here.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's already...

mail ordered himself a Stinger missile by now.

He'd sooner blow his brains out than go to some rest home.

That's what I told Dr. Simon.

He said what we really need at the very least

is a professional in-home caregiver.

Frankly, I don't think there's a professional

in the world that can handle your father.

So, how are you with extreme personalities?

Extreme personalities?

Um, oh...

Uh, extreme personalities?

No problem.

Actually, my specialty was guidance and delivery systems.

And, uh... But after the mass layoffs,

I felt I needed a more dynamically stable... vector.

Never... never an Alzheimer's patient, but, uh...

bI know how to give a real good attitude adjustment,

and that's probably all that boy needs out there.

What's he doin' out there?

Target practice.

Yeah, well, uh, that costs extra.

Therapy's has been going very well, and I just thought we could...

talk about it.

My father is challenging. I'm not going to fool you.

I like challenges.

Mrs. Ross, I'm getting my PhD in behavioural psych,

with an emphasis in gerontology.

I'm sure I can handle him.

So you need a live Guinea pig, huh?

Dad!

That's quite all right. It's a legitimate precaution.

One can never be too safe.

Oh, you should probably do a visual on this.

This is my father, Mace Sowell.

Dad, this is Andi Travers.

What kind of name is Andi for a girl anyway?

It's short for Andrea.

What kind of a name is Mace?

It's short for in your face!

I like him.

Well, I don't like her!

And I'll be damned if I'm gonna spend

nearly 50 grand a year on some teenage babysitter

with a postgraduate degree.

That's ridiculous, and Andi is better than the other option.

What the hell is he talking about?

What other option?

Wait a minute...

You guys are actually thinking of putting me away!

You-

Him! I'll believe anything.

But you, my own flesh and blood,

would threaten to take my house away from me?

Nobody is threatening anything, we're just trying

to look out for your best interest, dad.

Don't call me dad!

And the only interest you're concerned with

is the one you'll get on my money after you put me away!

Well, nobody is putting me anywhere!

I'm not some old...

piece of furniture!

And there is nothing wrong with me!

Listen to me.

This isn't you talking.

It hasn't been you in months.

Nobody wants to hurt you.

This woman will look after you.

She'll provide you with companionship.

She's trained for this.

Don't you see I am doing this

so you can stay in your house?

You've got to trust me.

I can't afford to trust anybody.

The doctor has him on haloperidol.

Yeah, I'm familiar with it, it's an antipsychotic.

Why isn't he on tacrine?

He won't go to the doctor for the weekly monitoring.

Look, he can say anything he likes, but he cannot fire you.

You run the show, and you keep me posted.

Andi, he's a good man. He's just high-strung.

Don't let him get under your skin.

I'm sure we'll be fine.

See you first thing tomorrow.

Alzheimer's disease is a progressive, degenerative disorder

that alters the brain's neurochemistry

and causes cognitive and intellectual abnormalities

that impair memory, abstract reasoning,

insight, and judgment.

Disturbances in mood and emotional outbursts

are common in about 50% of cases.

Exaggerated obsessive compulsive attention to personal hygiene

is common early in the illness, while...

The disease, which affects an estimated 4 million people in the U.S. alone,

causes over 100,000 deaths each year.

Up to 5% of all Alzheimer's victims

show symptoms of the disease before age 65.

This is a beautiful house, Mr. Sowell.

How long have you lived here?

Your daughter showed me the kitchen.

It's quite a set-up you have there. Is cooking a hobby?

What kind of music do you like?

I like your art.

You've got great taste.

Hmm. You must have been quite a collector.

Still am. I'm not dead yet.

Yes, of course.

What's with all the weapons of destruction?

A hobby.

A hobby? Well...

If this is your hobby, what do you do for a living,

kill people?

I gave that up years ago.

I'm retired now.

Well, that's good to know.

Well, I'm gonna do some food shopping, make us some lunch. Do you want to come?

You do realize I am gonna have to run a full security profile on you?

I wouldn't expect anything less.

Don't forget the bonus buy coupons.

They're on the counter by the fridge.

What's this?

Mugwort.

Your daughter told me that your blood pressure

and cholesterol levels are off the chart,

so we're gonna change all that.

New life, new food. From now on, we're gonna eat macrobiotic.

See, macrobiotics is based on the notion that you are what you eat.

It's basically a way of balancing your life

and the things you eat with nature.

Excuse. Uh, ahem...

Excuse me? Can I help you find something?

Oh, no, I got it.

See, look, there are basically 2 different kinds of foods,

yin and yang.

Chicken, meat, eggs, and mayonnaise,

all extremely yang, guaranteed to muddle your thinking

and eventually kill you.

Now, look at this stuff.

Soda, alcohol, chocolate,

all extremely yin, no better, all poison.

You give me that!

Are you out of your mind, woman?

This is beluga!

45 dollars an ounce!

Now, let's get some ground rules here.

You're the maid, I'm the master.

Your job is to clean my house,

cook my food, and wash my shorts!

What you're not here to do is to tell me what to eat, what to do,

and when to do it!

Is that clear?

The woman is trying to poison me, I tell you.

She's thrown away all my food for Christ's sake!

It's humiliating.

Dad, no one is trying to poison you.

Andi told me she was gonna put you on a low fat diet.

Dr. Simon said your cholesterol was almost 300.

Dad, promise me you'll behave yourself,

and give Andi a chance.

Dad?

I don't like this.

I don't like this at all.

Now, I want you to have an open mind about this.

Come on, give it a try.

Stop being so closed.

It's not gonna kill you.

Only I know the disarm, um...

All zones activated.

- Thing-a-ma-jig. - Code?

Right, and it stays that way.

This is the panic button.

If ever you need to use it, then it's already too late.

During the night, stay in bed, don't wander around the house.

Why?

Because...

You're pretty,

but you're not transparent.

You so much as break wind, you'll set off the entire system.

Comes on at 11:15, goes off when I get up in the morning.

What if I have to go to the bathroom?

Hold it.

Till morning?

I'll bypass the bathroom near your room,

but that's it.

Thanks.

100, 93, 86, 79, 72,

65, 58, 51,

44, 37, 30,

23, 16, 9, 2.

Haloperidol, one milligram.

Lorazepam, .5 milligram.

Classified file opened.

I'm gonna get your son, one way or another.

He loves me. He doesn't care for you.

Disarm abort launch.

Not one penny! I'll cut him out of my life!

Damn! It's still there!

The former entertainment industry executives

are expected to be arraigned next week.

A local businessman was killed today,

the result of what authorities are now calling a package bomb-style murder.

The man, J. Robert McKibben,

a highly decorated Vietnam vet and former Navy seal,

owned a small software company in the Valley.

Mace, it's time to get dressed.

What's going on?

All right, come on, let's get you dressed,

and then we can play together, ok?

Don't you ever talk to me like a 5-year-old again!

This is not a game!

This is life and death!

And I will dress when I see fit!

Now go get the mail.

This is the deal.

You get dressed, I'll get the mail.

No clothes, no mail.

No, this is the deal:

I'll get my own mail, you go fuck yourself.

I need a favor.

All right, I got your mail.

Sharper image catalogue, your front gate,

and your brigade quartermasters.

So what's the problem?

No problem. She's just a pain in the ass.

Wow. She sure is one hell of a cute pain in the ass!

I hadn't noticed.

Well, she sure looks mighty fine in that black speedo.

It's Navy blue.

Well, I've got a couple of ponds to skim.

If you need me, give me a beep.

Hey! Stu.

Thanks a lot.

Aw, M-Mace, Mace, I-I can't take that.

Hey, take it. Come on, get outta here.

Thanks.

There's a new wrinkle in security.

Andrea Marie Travers.

She could be a spy.

Born 2/22/71,

social security number 971-84-4455,

daughter of Nancy and Robert.

Dad, former marine colonel,

mother, psychiatrist.

B.S. in clerical...

clinical psychology from Rutgers.

Decent resumé, no criminal record,

one moving violation in the last 18 months.

I had to agree to the situation,

or risk a competency hearing

and subsequent commitment.

On the subject of sanity,

the admiral is to make a scheduled champagne stop...

campaign stop here in L.A. on the fourth

at the Bonaventure.

I'm taking appropriate measures.

Oh, P.S...

The woman's cooking stinks!

Mace, lunch!

I'm not hungry.

Jesus, Mace, you scared the crap out of me.

Go away. I'm busy.

Look, you've got to eat.

Come on, open up. Let me in.

No one enters this room but me, understood?

Fine.

You'd better not have one of these things in my shower.

Security camera, zone one.

Security camera, zone four.

I'm gonna run some errands. Do you want to get some fresh air?

- No! - I didn't think so.

Well, your food's here, in case you get hungry.

How 'bout turning off the Fort Knox security system, Goldfinger?

Perimeter security system disarming.

Okay, well, I'm leaving.

If all hell breaks loose, you've been warned.

Don't forget the bonus buy coupons.

Day 165. Second entry.

After an extensive background check,

it appears that Andrea Travers

poses no significant threat to the operation.

Still, I intend to be vigilant and keep an eye on her.

Better safe than sorry.

Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter,

Ford, Nixon, Johnson,

Kennedy, Eisenhower, Truman.

Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter,

Ford...

Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter,

Ford, Nixon,

Johnson, Kennedy, Eisenhower,

Truman.

Clinton, Bush,

Reagan, Carter,

Ford, Nixon, Johnson,

Kennedy, Eisenhower, Truman.

This yours?

What is it?

You know exactly what it is.

You were in my room yesterday.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Why would I be in your room?

Don't try the dementia shtick on me.

You have really crossed the line, Mace.

Listen, this is my house.

I paid for it, and I pay a lot for you.

I'll do whatever I want to.

Everyone deserves their privacy!

I respect yours, and I'll thank you to respect mine.

If I did go into your room, which I am not saying I did,

maybe I had a reason.

Maybe it was a security check.

Oh, you're gonna have to do better than that, J. Edgar.

Mace? Come back here. I'm not done talking to you!

Security breach alert.

Repeat: Security breach alert.

Intruder detected.

Intruder detected.

Mace?

Security camera one.

Security camera two.

Security camera three.

Security camera four.

Intruder detected on roof zone 10.

Ok. Calm down. We can work this out.

Mace? Mace, give me the gun.

Stay back.

Mace?

I can't believe you two.

How was I supposed to know that you played these games?

Drills.

Whatever. You can't just go around pulling a stunt like this.

Someone might've really gotten hurt!

Hello?

Oh, hi, honey.

How are things with Andi?

Good.

Good!

Everything is... good!

Dad, what's going on?

Oh, nothing. No problems here.

Nope, we're all fine. How are you?

Oh, well, she's, uh,

she's all tied up at the moment.

Oh, my god. Dad!

Hi, Michelle.

Oh, yeah, it's fine. We're getting on just fine.

Oh, yeah. Believe me, if we had any problems, you'd know about it.

Trust me.

Yeah, really. Ok. Sure.

Take care. Bye.

You owe me. Big.

So, where did you learn this witchcraft cooking of yours?

Is there some macro-culinary institute,

or is it passed on from generation to generation?

Mace, Mace, Mace, Mace...

That rapier wit of yours is so cutting.

I know that's not the real you.

You don't know the first thing about me.

You haven't given me a chance.

Well, that's not an easy thing to do, my dear.

When everyone around you takes over your life,

questions your sanity, starts treating you like a kid again.

How would you react? Open arms?

You're right.

I'm sorry.

Tell you what.

Let's start over.

What do you think of Bancha?

Not bad.

For twigs, I suppose.

But it's no Chateau Margaux Blanc de Blancs '76.

Well...

I guess a glass of wine from time to time won't kill you.

Well!...

In that case,

I'm in charge of dessert.

Oh, my god!

Oh! This is obscene!

Don't fight it. Just enjoy it.

Ohh! I shouldn't be doing this, Mace.

It's wrong.

Nonsense.

It's 50% fat free.

Where the hell'd you get this, anyway?

No place you shop.

Besides, the less you know,

the safer you are.

You're a dangerous man, Mace Sowell.

Yeah...

In my day, maybe.

Now...

I'm just a harmless old man.

But more to the point,

what's a beautiful woman like yourself

doing at home on a Friday night,

eating cookies and cream with some old geezer like me?

You should be out dancing.

Hey, you're right.

Let's go!

Oh, yeah. Sure.

A crowded dance floor, flashing lights, loud music...

Perfect place to get a blade between my ribs.

You want me to die in your arms?

No, thanks.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

I'm ok.

You should be out dancing on a night like this,

not baby-sitting an old fart like me.

I said that already, didn't I?

So, Mace, when did you retire from the C.-

the... D.E.A.?

I never worked for the D.E.A.!

You didn't?

No, of course not. That's a ridiculous idea.

All right, now we're getting somewhere.

The D.E.A. is the Drug Enforcement Agency.

I worked for the D.I.A., for crying out loud.

I thought I was the one cutting out paper dolls.

The D.I.A. Of course.

Shall we try a little exercise, please?

It's, uh... numbers.

Let's count backwards from 100 by 7.

100, 93, 86, 79,

72, 65, 58, 51, 44...

that's fine. Very good.

Now, shall we try single digits?

Oh, this is ridiculous!

Next you'll have me doing my impersonation of Mr. Ed.

All right, just... humour me.

This is just a standard test of concentration, so...

Single digits.

100, 99, 98, 97,

96, 95, 92, 93, 91.

Do I pass or do you send me to remedial school?

So, are you and Andi getting along ok, dad?

Not bad. She's a good kid.

Cooking better?

She's learning.

Where's your CD changer?

I don't know. I think in the back.

That's what I thought.

Now listen very carefully.

There is a device under your seat.

It looks like an electronic detonation unit

that will be activated by the removal of your weight.

Dad... please, not today.

Listen to me, goddamn it!

There's enough C-4 under your seat

to blow both of our asses to Pacoima.

Now I am dead serious.

Take us home. Get us off the street.

Don't move!

Dad...

If you don't believe me,

grab the periscope, see for yourself.

Oh, my god.

Tell me this is one of your stupid stunts.

I can assure you, I did not put this here.

Now, stay very still.

Don't move.

Now, very carefully, without touching the club,

get out of the car.

Shouldn't we call the bomb squad or something?

By the time the police get here,

we could both be sitting on Mrs. Tobin's roof up the street.

Good. Now get the toolkit out of the Jag, and then get out of here.

This is crazy. I don't think you should mess with this, dad.

Go!

Sorry, Stuey, close but no fucking cigar.

No, wait a minute.

You said...

I said...

I can assure you I did not put this there.

I never said it was real.

This is unbelievable, dad!

I cannot take this anymore! Do you understand me?!

Do you?!

One more stunt like this and I'm going to have you committed!

One second there and, in a flash,

I actually believed him.

I don't know why, but I did.

When I saw that black box under my seat,

I felt terrible for doubting him all this time.

Well, I think it's time to talk to Stan Kravitz

and ask what we need to do

to get power of attorney or conservatorship,

file something with the courts.

Don't look at me like that.

He could end up hurting himself

and everybody around him, including you.

Dr. Simon said he shouldn't be playing with them, even if they are toys.

And I don't want him playing any more war games with Stuart.

After this bomb scare, I've just about had enough.

Doctors say that their latest research

should provide a new, effective vaccine,

and they're hoping to begin human trials within the next several months.

On the national political scene,

after sweeping the ballots on super Tuesday,

Thomas Michelmore is heading for the final...

Mace?

...to capture the republican nomination at next week's convention.

The outspoken admiral...

Mace?

Hello?

I understand that there are those that say I'm not much of a backroom politician.

Well, I hope that's true.

In my humble opinion, it's backroom politics that separates

Mace?

American people from its government.

What's going on? You've been locked up in here all day.

I'm fine.

Mace.

None of you understands.

The drills are not a game.

I need them to stay sharp.

Well... tell you what.

How about if you and I put our heads together

and maybe we can come up with something else to keep you sharp.

What do you say?

It won't be the same thing.

You like strategic games.

This is the ultimate strategic game.

Right, right. Your move.

Yes, sir.

Well, I could nab your rook here.

But you're far too good not to realize that,

so it's probably a decoy.

However, a rook is a good kill.

But you'd probably want to make the sacrifice juicy,

so I'd take the bait.

If I did, you could probably set up a decent assault,

but minus an important soldier.

I don't think so.

Sometimes things are what they seem.

Check.

Clever.

Tell you what.

Let's make this interesting.

If you win, we'll do a limited drill.

I set the parameters and I run it.

If I win, I get to pick the next game,

and you have to play it.

My dear, if you win,

not only can you pick the next game,

I will wash your underwear for a month.

This is not what I call a game.

No, it's called being human.

Human beings don't spend their entire existences

inside their homes like hermits.

It's unnatural, it's unhealthy, and it's antisocial.

Mace! You promised!

Mace!

If you don't cooperate, I swear we will never have a drill again.

Mace!

I'm ready.

But I want you to be aware of the fact

that I know you hustled me.

And you know what happens to hustlers.

Come on. Tell you what.

If the bullets start to fly, you can use me as a human shield, how's that?

See? It's not so bad.

Oh, Mace, it's a sonic boom!

Ohh, shit.

I was just wondering if maybe he had some old friends

we could arrange to visit with, you know,

or maybe develop some hobbies or exercise.

I've been reading about dance therapy.

It looks like it might help.

You motherfuckers are gonna kill all my lilies!

Friggin' parasitic rodents!

Uh, Michelle, could I call you right back?

I've got something about to boil over.

Okay, thanks.

Mace!

Mace, what are you doing?

Pest control!

I thought we agreed, no live rounds in the house.

This isn't the house. It's the garden.

Give me the gun. Now.

Jesus Christ.

What are you, a branch davidian?

Where the hell did all these come from?

I mean, he's always been a little on the edge,

but now he's getting scary.

I know.

Don't get me wrong. I love him like a father.

Maybe we should come up with new stuff for him to do, you know?

Keep him busy.

He just sits in there all day staring at us.

Day 255. Things look bad.

My own... team feel that I've... gone over the edge.

To make things worse,

the admiral is poised to take the party nomination.

Doesn't have much time.

Since the termination of Pooler, McKibben,

Latimer, and Wessel,

he must be close to making his move.

If he takes New Jersey and new Mexico...

it's all over.

Entry error.

You have entered an invalid password.

You have two tries left to enter the correct password.

Warning: The failsafe automatic default system is engaged.

System launch will trigger at 0900 hours

unless automatic arm default is overridden.

Entry error.

You have one try left to enter the correct password.

Ten seconds.

nine, eight...

Thank you.

System disarmed.

Disarm abort launch.

Come to papa!

There is nothing like a good Havana.

Aren't these stogies illegal?

Totally. But that adds something to the aroma.

All right...

Gentlemen. Baseball.

Nines and sevens are wild.

Sevens? Nobody makes sevens wild.

Who's dealing here, you or me?

So, Stuart, what do you say...

are you ready for another drill, punk?

Well, Mace, why? This is fun.

Besides, your daughter said she didn't want any more drills.

I don't want to push our luck.

She's got a point. Wait a while, you know?

Do something else.

So... that's it.

You worked all this out among yourselves.

Maybe you want me to be "unpeppered"!

Maybe you're all in on this for... together!

That's it.

I am outta here!

You and Bob are ganging up on me!

Mace! Come back here!

Who's Bob?

He called me Bob!

Clinton, Bush, Reagan,

Carter, Ford, Nixon...

Clinton, Reagan, Bush...

Carter, Ford...

Clinton...

Clinton...

Thank you. Thank you.

Electricity cut.

Jesus Christ.

I'm so sorry, Mace.

I should've never done this.

Stu and I thought it would cheer you up.

It was a terrible idea. I don't know what I was thinking.

It proved a point.

I'm a dead man.

I can't defend myself anymore.

I'm scared, Andi. I'm scared.

We've been through this before, Mace.

If I put you on tacrine,

I have to see you every other week.

We have to monitor your liver enzymes.

Put me on any pill you want. I'll take it...

No argument.

I cannot live like this.

I'll do whatever it takes.

I don't want to mislead you.

This may temporarily increase your cognitive abilities,

but it's not a miracle cure.

At best, it may buy us some time.

You also seem quite depressed.

I should put you on serzone.

All right, now, I want you to take this religiously,

and no more drills.

Any sudden stress could cause a total loss

of your present functioning abilities.

Do you understand?

Look what you did.

Look what you did!

Mace!

I'm proud of you!

Thank you.

Dicot. Add dicot.

Ohh, shit!

That can't be right.

You cooked?

Tempura? Oh, it's burning!

Brown rice, miso...

Kombu?

I can't believe you actually made a macro meal.

This is great! Let me help.

My show, all right?

All right.

I'm gonna take care of the entertainment, then.

Come on.

I don't like this game.

I know. It's called "trust."

Ooh. Just a tree.

Almost there.

Ok.

Merry Christmas.

What's all this?

Well, since you won't go out to a nightclub and dance,

I thought I'd bring the nightclub here.

You do dance, don't you?

Assume the position, Mr. Sowell.

I love it when you boss me around.

I had no idea you could dance so well.

This isn't dancing.

This is dancing!

You should cut down those trees.

Such a spectacular view and it's all covered up.

That's the general idea.

I'd be a sitting duck if it weren't for this vegetation.

Might as well stand out here stark naked

with a sign around my neck saying "hey sniper, shoot at me."

Mace, how many attempts have been made on your life

in the last, let's say, 5 years?

None, right?

So whoever wants you dead

has certainly taken their sweet time about it.

Wouldn't you say?

They didn't have a reason until recently.

Ok, so what does the next president of the United States

want with a tough guy like you liquidated?

Hey, don't patronize me.

Some things are better left unsaid.

Oh, come on, Mace.

I've been a good little soldier, haven't I?

Haven't I earned a higher security clearance by now?

So do you mean to tell me that when Thomas Michelmore

was in the C.I.A...

D.I.A.

D.I.A.... whatever...

he had a couple senators killed

because they threatened to shrink his budget?

Believe me, my dear,

in the name of national security,

we have done far worse for far less.

And how, pray tell,

are you involved in this fantastic,

albeit, highly imaginative scenario?

'Cause I'm the last surviving member

of admiral Michelmore's private Navy.

Oh, I see.

The last bag man.

I... read a lot of spy thrillers.

So if you're such a threat, then...

why hasn't he made his move yet?

Because I was the only one sensible enough

to take out life insurance.

Well, what good is this policy of yours

if you're gonna live the remainder of your days in fear?

I mean, this is a prison here.

It's the best I got, kid.

Here's Lillian Zacky for Zacky Farms.

With all the news about Russia lately,

imagine my surprise when I met a woman in the market

who just moved here from Moscow.

She was amazed at the American supermarket,

how fresh everything looks, especially the chickens.

Stop!

I don't care what you thought.

You don't go around shooting at your neighbours!

Didn't we agree no guns with live rounds?!

It'll be a miracle if the Tobins don't press charges.

You've ruined their daughter's Bar Mitzvah and probably fucked her up for life!

I just don't believe you!

That's the problem.

What's the problem?

You don't believe me. You're just like Marc and Michelle.

You all think I'm crazy.

Well, what do you expect when you pull stunts like that?!

You expect me to condone that kind of behaviour?

I don't care what you condone.

You're not my friend!

How dare you?

I've covered your ass more times than I can count.

No one has cared for you more than I have.

If it wasn't for me, your family would have you sitting in a vegetable garden

with the rest of the harvest.

I may be senile, but I'm not crazy.

I'm just glad you weren't hurt.

Go through the house and take anything that even looks like a weapon.

You may have to cook with plastic cutlery...

You can't do that.

You can't do that!

Court hearing?!

Oh, for Christ's sake,

who in their right mind keeps guns in the bathroom?

Yeah, dad,

who in their right mind?

- Get out the way. - No. This room is out of bounds!

Dad, get out of the way!

How did you get all this stuff?

You are signing my death warrant.

I hope you're aware of that.

I'm only trying to keep you from killing yourself

and someone else.

No! This is 300 years old.

No way am I allowing you to take it.

Dad!

Dad, put that thing down this instant!

They won't know where you've been moved to.

It'll be safe.

I'll still come and visit you.

Here.

Thanks.

Mace, you want some?

You ok?

On the political front, presidential hopeful Thomas Michelmore,

prior to leaving Colorado for a $1,000-a-plate

fundraiser in Los Angeles,

was asked about the media's comparison

to Dwight d. Eisenhower.

The formal admiral smiled, noting that,

as complimentary as the association might be,

he was no war hero, just a good administrator.

Michelmore's populist "Mr. Inside/Outside" platform

and his refrain of being a skilled manager

and committed public servant...

I've got a special treat for you!

Tah-dah!

Beluga! $45 an ounce.

Oh, come on, Mace, I even cut the toast just the way you like it.

This is all your fault, you know.

Excuse me?

"Humans don't spend their entire existences

"inside their homes like hermits.

"It's unhealthy. It's unnatural.

It's antisocial."

I was fine.

I wasn't bothering anybody.

Safe in my little house.

But you couldn't leave well enough alone.

Miss Mary Poppins had to take me for fucking walks in the hills!

Why?! Goddamn it, why?!

- Hi. - Yes?

Uh, it won't fit in the box.

Leave it by the gate.

Can't. Return receipt requested.

Where's Frank?

His wife's having a kid. He's at the hospital.

Morning.

Uh, sign here, please. Line 22.

Government issue. What do you expect?

I... usually carry a spare.

You don't happen to have a pen, do you?

Wait here. I'll be back.

Shit, shit, shit!

I knew I had a backup.

California is a lock,

and things have taken a turn for the worse.

Michelle and Marc have filed a petition with the court.

A competency hearing is due any day now.

Given my history of recent behaviour,

this could present a major problem.

Have you been taking the serzone?

It's not working. I'm getting worse.

Oh, that's the depression worsening your cognitive deficit.

All right, we're gonna increase the serzone

and sertraline.

But the truth is...

During the past few weeks, I'm not sure how competent I really have been.

After that shooting at the Tobins, maybe everybody is right.

Maybe I really am crazy.

Doctor, when I first came here,

it was to humour my daughter.

And then... I soon found that I...

I had to work my ass off just to get through the day.

But I always knew what was what:

reality versus make-believe,

up versus down...

But I... I look in the mirror, and I don't know who I am.

Whether I'm out of my mind or not,

Michelmore cannot be allowed to take office.

I can no longer trust anyone...

But I got a plan.

I got an idea.

I love you, dad.

I'm so sorry we have to go through this.

Me, too.

That's the wrong setting.

Andi!

Andi!

I thought I told you never to go into my office!

What were you doing looking at my tapes?

I was worried about you, Mace.

You haven't been yourself for days, and I... I just wanted to help you.

By spying on me?!

You're no better than anybody else.

What about "everyone deserves their privacy?

"I respect yours. I'll thank you to respect mine"?

You already think I'm out of my fucking mind.

- You want more proof?! - Mace...

Those tapes are my business, nobody else's!

Mace, listen to me.

I just didn't want you to do anything stupid.

I care for you.

I'm your only friend!

Bullshit!

It's not bullshit!

Haven't I proven my friendship to you?

If it were up to me, I wouldn't let them send you away.

I didn't put you in this position.

I don't know what you want from me, Mace.

I'd do anything for you.

I really should cut back those trees.

Anything?

Classified file opened.

Are you familiar with a dead-man switch?

Yeah, on a train?

If the engineer takes his foot off the pedal, the train stops.

Right.

If Michelmore takes me out, then his campaign train stops.

If I'm not around to reset my Internet e-mail system every 24 hours,

it automatically fires off my life story, and the admiral's,

to every major print and electronic outlet

in the western world.

Can you say Washington Post?

Oh, my god.

New York Times, Wall Street Journal?

This is your life insurance policy.

I have documented every dirty, underhanded black-bag assignment

his twisted little mind has concocted

over 20 years at naval intelligence.

So... see? If I stay alive, he stays out of jail.

But does he know you have this?

He knows I have something, just doesn't know what.

Mace, if this is true, what...

stops them from just unplugging the power?

The beauty of this is, it's a passive system.

The data is not here. It's...

in some Internet computer in Nebraska or Indiana.

But if someone cuts me off,

there is nothing to stop these files

from being sent all over the world...

Automatically.

Andi, please listen to me.

If Marc and Michelle put me away,

I'm out in the cold.

Detente is only meaningful if one can cover one's ass.

I need to get out of the country,

but I can only do it if you help me.

This is insane, Mace.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about half a million dollars, tax-free.

I have 2 million in the Grand Cayman

and a house in British Virgin Gorda that no one knows about.

No way.

I can't do this. They'll be after me for kidnapping.

Not if I leave first,

go to San Diego, somewhere.

Perfect. You say that I ran away, then...

you pick me up, and we charter a jet and...

Shit!

Mace, I am way out of my depth here.

This is scary stuff.

Andi...

I need your help.

I need your sharp mind, because mine

is quickly becoming duller than a butter knife.

Half a million dollars, kid. Tax-free.

They get to you when you're young and stupid,

and in time, you start to think of yourself as a...

vital part of the geopolitical ecosystem.

Kill a terrorist here, political despot there.

Soon, you believe you're doing humanity a favor.

You're preventing global wars,

massive political instability,

famine, pain and suffering for millions.

You're a hero!

So what made you stop?

As you get older, you develop a conscience.

Things change.

You begin to seriously question

whose security you're protecting.

Andi!

Morning!

Where's Stuart?

Stuart asked me to cover for him.

What's going on?

Hold it a moment.

Don't you...

Work for the post office? Not really.

No!

From healthy snacks to great-tasting side dishes,

from recipe starters to...

You have reached the online service

of the National Cayman Bank.

Please enter your access code.

Invalid entry. Access denied.

You have one more attempt before system disconnects.

You sleep ok?

Like a rock. How about you?

Not so good. I was up most of the night.

Well, we've got a lot to do today,

so I'm gonna go to the bank

and then I'm going to get us some food for the road.

You wanna come?

I think I'll pass.

Ok.

Having second thoughts?

No. I'm just a little jittery. I'll be fine.

You better let me get out of here so I can plan our great escape.

I'll be ready.

Target distance: one kilometre.

Target distance: two kilometers.

Target distance: 300 meters.

Target distance: 200 meters.

Target distance: 45 meters.

Target distance: 35 meters.

Target distance: 30 meters.

Target distance: 25 meters.

Target distance: 20 meters.

Target distance: 15 meters.

Target distance: 25 meters.

Hi. Ooh, what a morning. How was yours?

A regular adventure.

- You hungry? - A little.

I'll make us some lunch after I take a shower.

I feel so icky-sticky. It's so humid out there.

Take your time.

Can you believe the weather we had this morning?

It was like a monsoon out there.

I thought we weren't supposed to get rain in southern California.

Man: You have reached the automated phone system of the Pentagon.

If you are calling from a touch-tone phone

and know the extension of the party you wish to reach,

please enter it now.

Press one for a department directory or stay on the line...

Looking for this?

You are some piece of work.

Oh, my, you're good.

I thought I was the best, but... you're better.

Well, I'll take that as a compliment, coming from the grand master himself.

I'll have that dead-man code now, if you don't mind.

So, uh, what's your rank?

Sorry, colonel, soldiering is your M.O.

That old honour god, country, and apple pie bullshit

can only get you so far in this world.

You're freelance.

Never been much motivated by political ideology.

Strictly a material girl, huh?

So, uh, what's the going rate for an old D.O.D. like me?

More than you can imagine.

Your short-term memory must be really shot to shit!

No more guns, remember?

Step aside from the counter, please.

How do you know I wasn't ready for all this?

I did smoke you out with the dead-man switch.

Who's gonna rescue you?

Stuart, with one of your stupid little drills?

The code. Now.

Fuck you.

I'm not giving you shit.

Mace, Mace, Mace.

I was really hoping it wasn't gonna go down like this.

I would have the code, and you, well...

You would've forgotten about it soon enough, anyway.

But you couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?

All right, Andy, I thought we said no more drills.

This isn't a drill.

System armed.

Ten... nine... eight...

Warning. System is now armed.

Final launch system engaged.

Are you sure you wish to proceed?

Firing launch sequence commenced.

Data transmission commencing.

911 emergency. Operator 1016.

What's the nature of your emergency?

Yes, there is a dead woman in my kitchen.

Uh, stay on the line. I'm connecting you to police dispatch.

Do not hang up, ok?

Ok?

Yes, there is a dead woman in my kitchen.

This is the LAPD.

We show you're at 15780 Terrace Hill, correct?

Yes, there is a dead woman in my kitchen.

What is your name, sir?

Sir, your name?

I don't know.

In what can only be described

as the most explosive political revelation

since Watergate and the Iran-contra scandal,

presidential shoe-in admiral Thomas Michelmore

is now being linked to gross criminal misconduct

while still in charge of the naval intelligence operations

at the Pentagon.

Although not officially charged as of yet,

the FBI has linked Michelmore to the deaths

of senators Carcano, McHenry, and congressman Marvin Heisha,

all members of the joint select committee on intelligence.

Michelmore was not available for comment,

but a spokesman for the Department of Justice

says formal charges will be imminently filed.

Reporting from Atlanta, this is Steve Mazur.