Original subtitles

Subs created by: David Coleman.

Last day of school! I'm officially on summer vacation!

Austin and Dez: Woo!

I'm so pumped for summer break.

I'm gonna chill at the beach all day and rock out all night. Woo-hoo!

I'm pumped too.

I'm gonna chill at the library all day and teach myself calculus all night.

Woo-hoo!

I have to make a documentary this summer for my film class.

I just have to figure out what it's about.

Woo-hoo!

Make it about me. Woo-hoo!

Eh, I don't know.

I'm sorry. I used the wrong tone.

( Angrily ) Make it about me. Woo-hoo!

Austin Moon and Ally Dawson!

Shiny Money. ( Chuckles )

Hey, we haven't seen you since we performed together at the Internet Music Awards.

That was so cool, up until your friends broke my arms and legs.

I'm surprised you remember the whole us-not-catching-you thing.

You hit your head pretty hard on that stage.

So, Shiny, what brings you here?

Throwing my annual Swamp Blast party in the Everglades this weekend.

I want Austin to perform.

Are you kidding? You want me to perform at the Swamp Blast? That's huge.

- We watch Swamp Blast on TV every year. - Yeah.

Yeah, this year it's gonna be popping!

Ooh, I should pop out a bumping new jam.

Or I could just write a new song.

You should come to the houseboat early.

You can write the song there and get a little vacation too.

And I'll let you use my shiny solid-gold keyboard.

Awesome! I've always wanted to go to the Everglades.

And play a shiny gold keyboard.

And now the four of us can finally have a vacation together!

- You're not invited. - Ha! In your face, Trish.

- You're not invited either. - Ha! In my face, Trish.

But Dez and Trish are a part of our team.

Yeah, it would mean a lot for all of us to spend our vacation together.

Please let them come.

Kids: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.

What did I just say?

Kids: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

( Theme music playing )

When the crowd wants more, I bring on the thunder.

'Cause you've got my back, and I'm not going under.

You're my point, you're my guard.

You're the perfect chord.

And I see our names together on every billboard.

We're headed for the top, we've got it on lock.

We'll make 'em say "hey!"

And we'll keep rockin'.

Oh, there's no way I could make it without ya.

Do it without ya, be here without ya.

It's no fun when you're doing it solo.

With you it's like, "whoa". Yeah, and I know.

I own this dream.

'Cause I got you with me.

There's no way I could make it without ya.

Do it without ya, be here without ya.

A group of friends went on vacation, hoping to have the time of their lives.

How do you feel, Austin?

This place is awesome! I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders.

Yeah, that's because we're carrying all the bags.

Woo.

I know your dad wanted to get a head start on fishing, but he could've dropped us off

- a little closer to the boat. - Mmm.

Now are we sure this is Shiny Money's boat?

There's a giant dollar sign on the door

and the name of the boat is "Shiny Money's boat."

I'm pretty sure we're at the right place.

Whoa! This place is amazing!

It's so... ( Gasps )

Gold.

( Laughs ) Yeah, I can already feel my creative juices flowing.

I'm pretty sure that's sweat.

We just walked a mile through the swamp and this weather is not good for my hair.

( Exhales sharply )

Check out all this gold. A solid-gold keyboard, a solid-gold lamp...

A solid-gold goldfish.

So now that we're on vacation, what are we gonna do first?

What can we do?

I didn't know the Everglades was all swamp. I haven't seen a single shopping mall.

Ally and I need to get to work.

The sooner we finish this song, the sooner we get to start our vacay.

Then we can partay.

- Put away the calculator. - Okay.

Fine, we'll get out of your way.

You guys do your thing and we'll do our thing.

- Perfect. - Cool.

I have a few ideas for the song.

And so Austin and Ally began working on a song,

for Austin's big televised performance.

It's important they not be disturbed.

Funny you say that, because you're totally disturbing us.

I'm trying to find something exciting to make my documentary about.

You can still make it about me.

Uh, I said "something exciting."

You mean exciting like throwing you off a boat?

What do you think about this?

( Blender whirs )

That chord sounds a lot like a blender.

Trish, can you not use the blender?

- Sorry. - Okay, where were we? Um...

Who wants toast? Dez wants toast.

Who wants toast? Dez wants toast.

- Dez wants toast, Dez wants toast! - Dez!

- Can you go outside? - Just until we finish the song.

Okay, we'll leave.

Come on, Dez. All they need is some peace and quiet.

( Horror music plays )

( Dez and Trish scream ) Ah!

Uh, is Shiny Money home? I'm just returning these tools.

Turns out a solid-gold chainsaw don't cut too good.

( Laughs )

- You know Shiny Money? - ( Laughs ) We're neighbors.

Name's Clavis. You've got a good scream there.

It'll come in handy if you ever run into Big Momma.

Who is Big Momma?

Only the meanest, baddest alligator in the Everglades.

Legends has it that she's got bright fiery eyes...

She can walk on two legs, and jump clear over a house!

Clavis, I know we just met, but I find you fascinating.

Tell me more.

Dez, he can't stand there

- and tell us stories all day. - Thank you.

He should sit on the couch and tell us stories all day.

Guys, we really need to get to work.

Oh, don't you worry, ma'am, I'll tell the story real quick-like.

The legend of Big Momma started a long, long, long, long...

Can you tell it more quicker like?

And the only thing they found of old man Jones...

Was this here tooth.

( Pops )

Whoa, that's his tooth?

Finders keepers.

You know what? I'm gonna do my documentary on Big Momma.

Clavis, tell that really really long story again.

- This time I'll film it. - No!

Ally's right. We need to get back to writing our song.

Fine, then I'm gonna go look for Big Momma.

Well, good luck finding her, because she's never been captured on film.

Is it because she doesn't exist or is it because she eats everyone holding a camera?

Dez, let's go! Don't forget your camera.

Try this for the end of the verse.

So good to get away...

All day in the car, but that's okay...

( Trish screams )

Big Momma!

- She's here? - And cut!

Oh no, we're rehearsing Trish's reaction.

We want it to seem real when she runs into Big Momma.

You don't think she's gonna scream for real,

when she runs into a giant man-eating alligator?

Hey, you don't know. She might just do a silent scream,

like Ally does when she sees a spider.

Ally, calm down. It's just a leaf.

A leaf with a spider on it! ( Screams )

A leaf with a spider on it!

Oh! Get out!

If you guys are done messing around, we're gonna get back to work.

- ( Screams ) - Hey!

We're the ones who need to work.

Shiny's Swamp Blast is tomorrow and we're not even close to finishing the song.

- Fine, we'll leave you alone. - You won't even know we're here.

I'm gonna go charge my electric toothbrush.

I'm gonna plug in my hair straightener.

You guys have too many things plugged in. You're gonna cause a power outage. Look.

There aren't too many things plugged in.

It'll be fine.

I guess it won't be fine.

This is terrible.

I know. Now my hair will never get straight.

No, the keyboard's fried.

Now we can't write our song and I have to perform on television tomorrow night.

Guys, I think we have bigger problems.

- Look. - ( Growls )

( All scream ) Big Momma!

- ( Kids screaming ) - ( Growls )

- Huh? - Clavis?

Uh, I'm just returning Shiny Money's two red flashlights.

Why were you growling?

( Laughs ) Well, because I swallowed a mosquito.

( Clears throat )

Mmm.

By the way, the power's out.

Thanks, Clavis.

Y'all wanna hear a ghost story?

- Legend has it... - No!

- It's a really quick story. - We've heard it already.

How are we supposed to finish the song without the keyboard?

Let's just get a good night's sleep and we'll figure it out in the morning.

Oh, it's too hot in here.

That's because we have no air conditioning

because someone plugged too many things into the outlet.

Hey, let's go sleep outside. It'll be cooler.

( Bugs chittering )

I barely slept at all last night.

( Sighs ) I was being eaten alive by mosquitoes.

Yeah, I barely got any sleep either.

I was up most of the night watching out for Big Momma.

I feel like the humidity made my hair poof out even more.

Does it look bad?

Ally and Austin: No.

Ah! That's the best I've slept in ages.

Oh, hey, look, my dad left a note.

"Left early in the morning, be back tonight.

P.S. What's with Trish's hair?"

It's gorgeous... ( Chuckles nervously )

And not poofy at all.

I'm gonna go search for Big Momma.

Wanna come with me, Trish?

Why would I wanna come with you?

Because we're friends and I don't wanna go...

( Whispers ) Alone.

Aw, you think we're friends.

The price of friendship? Twenty bucks.

Deal!

We gotta finish that song. The Swamp Blast is tonight.

How are we gonna write music without any instruments?

Maybe creepy Clavis has something we can use.

I'll call him. He gave me his business card.

- He has a business card? - Mm-hmm.

There's no number. All it says is "yell."

Hmm. ( Clears throat )

Clavis!

Clavis: Can't talk right now. Leave a message after the beep.

Beep!

We need your help! Yell back when you get the chance.

Beep.

We've been walking around for three hours

looking for some creature that doesn't exist!

And if we're in this humidity any longer, my hair will be bigger than me!

Fine, let's stop here.

Huh. Wish I had something to drink. I am... Thirsty!

Oh, I have some water.

( Sighs )

Phew.

( Sighs )

Here, hold this.

Ah!

I brought some instruments for y'all.

Awesome! A guitar!

That's just what we need to finish our song.

Guitar? These are blowing jugs...

( Deep toot )

And a thumping bucket.

( Deep twang )

Blowing jugs and a thumping bucket?

( Sarcastically ) We're saved!

( Chuckles )

Dez: As I continue my search for Big Momma...

I must note that no living soul has ever captured her on film!

Oh hey, there's Big Momma.

She's bigger than I imagine teeth the size of daggers.

Oh wait, I'm zoomed in. Okay, hold on. Hold on.

That's a baby alligator, genius.

- Oh man! - ( Sighs )

Let's head back to the boat so I can get ready for Shiny Money's party.

I hope I have time to do my hair.

Hey, you know the party's tonight and not in six months, right?

( Laughing )

( Laughs sarcastically )

See you later, baby gator.

( Music playing )

Na na na.

Na na na.

Na na na.

Na na na.

Na na na.

Na na na.

That sounded great.

We finally finished our song, and Clavis fixed the power.

Now we can enjoy our vacation.

It's time to get this partay star-tayed.

( Screams )

That's right, Ally. Par-tay! Oh!

( Shrieks )

There's an alligator behind you!

Huh? Oh, that's just baby gator.

He followed us home. Can't figure out why.

( Sniffs )

I smell rotting meat.

Oh, that's the steak I pulled out of the freezer when we lost power.

I wanna keep my pants cool.

That alligator's been following you because of that steak.

Hey, you don't know that.

It could also be because of this chicken.

( Scared ) Uh, guys? Guys?

( Growling )

( All screaming ) Big Momma!

( Growling )

Big Momma's never been captured on film!

Now's my chance.

( Ally whimpers )

It's also our chance to get eaten!

- Get out of the way! - ( Growling )

Ally: Keep going! Close the door!

- Close the door! - Close it, close it, close it!

- Trish: Don't let it get us! - We've gotta block the door!

- Okay! - Hold it, Ally!

- The couch! - Yeah, the couch, the couch!

Come on! Come on!

Get the couch! Get the couch!

( All panting )

- We're good. - ( Growling continues )

( All scream )

Dez, the window! The window!

Why is Big Momma attacking the boat?

I know... Baby gator must be Big Momma's baby.

I knew you were trouble the second I saw you!

Oh, you are so cute. I can't stay mad at you.

- ( Growling ) - ( All screaming )

We've gotta get rid of Big Momma.

I have an idea, but we need to distract her first.

I'm on it. Dez, come with me.

Yep, Trish and Dez back as a team.

Here, Big Momma! Here, Big Momma!

She's coming right at me! She's coming right at me!

( Screams )

Come on, baby gator. Come on.

Come on, baby gator. Come on. Come, baby gator.

Come on. Come on, baby gator. There you go.

- Trish: Go go go go go go! - Ally: Over here, baby gator. Over here.

Baby gator, go fast. Keep going.

Keep going. Great! Pull that up! Pull that up!

( Panting )

( Growling stops )

I think it worked.

How can we be sure she's gone?

Someone look out the window.

No way. That thing can jump in windows.

I've got an idea.

( Drill whirs )

- Nope, she's not over there. - Maybe she's under the boat?

- ( Drill whirs ) - ( Trish gasps )

Nope, not under here. Uh-oh!

- Dez! Dez! - ( Girls scream )

- There's a leak in the boat! - ( Phone ringing )

( Clamoring )

Hello? ( Chuckles nervously )

Oh, hi, Shiny Money. We're having a great time.

This is the best vacation ever. Your boat's amazing!

- The boat's sinking! - No, not sinking.

This boat's stinking... Stinking awesome.

( Laughs )

Gotta go. Bye.

Quick! Find something to plug the hole!

Dez! Here, Dez, here.

- ( Grunts ) - ( Ally screams )

( Grunts )

Oh! Go go go!

( All gasp )

- I think this is gonna work. - Yeah. Yeah.

( Sighs )

- That didn't work. - ( Sobs )

Wha... Oh!

My houseboat! What happened to my houseboat?!

There is a perfectly good explanation as to why...

- You two did this, didn't you? - It wasn't their fault.

- Big Momma did it. - Don't lie to me.

- Big Momma is a myth! - Dez has proof!

- Show him the footage. - Yeah.

All I see is y'all messing up my houseboat!

- And some big hair! - ( Whimpers )

Oh man! I didn't get any shots of Big Momma?

Well, in your defense, she was only 20 feet long and attacking us for half an hour!

You guys are gonna pay for this! I can't believe you!

Hey, look... Baby gator's back.

If he's back, that means... ( Kids screaming ) Big Momma!

Austin: Go, Dez! Go go go go go go!

( Big Momma growling )

Oh! Oh!

Okay! I believe you!

I believe you! ( Screaming )

It's party time, y'all! So give it up for the only dude

who brings down the house before coming out on stage...

Austin Moon!

( Cheering )

Hey, everybody! This song's about summer vacation and having fun with your friends.

( Rock music playing )

Summer love hanging in the air. Hot sand on my feet, but I don't care.

It's all I ever wanted I hope it never ends.

So good to get away all day in the car, but that's okay.

Because I like like like it like that. Just chilling with my friends.

Because I... Love a summertime vacation song...

And you know wherever we go, you'll be singing along.

Like na na na...

Na na na...

Na na na...

Na na na...

It's such a crazy journey,

but I'm not in any hurry.

I'm taking my time.

It's all I ever wanted, to not know where we're going.

Enjoying the ride.

Yeah yeah...

Because I... Love a summertime vacation song...

And you know wherever we go, you'll be singing along.

Like na na na...

Na na na...

Na na na...

Na na na.

( Cheering )

You know, our vacation didn't start out so great.

But it turned out to be the best one I've ever had.

Yeah, we sunk a boat. We fought an alligator.

Dez made toast.

That was some good toast.

Thanks, buddy.

And you got to perform on TV.

It was awesome. ( Laughs )

Who knew you could have so much fun without a calculator?

- I did. - Me too.

Duh.

The only bummer is Dez didn't get to finish his movie.

Actually, I did.

You finished your documentary about Big Momma

without getting any shots of Big Momma?

I just used all the footage and turned it into a horror movie.

Check it out.

( Dramatic music playing )

A group of friends went on vacation, hoping to have the time of their lives.

Then things got hairy.

( Screams ) Doctor Dez's... "Houseboat of Terror" Coming soon.

You made a monster movie about me?!

I love it!

Now that's scary.

Both: Ah!

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