Original subtitles

On the side streets of towns and cities across the country there is a secret world.

A world with its own rules... Right, push the door, mate.

..and its own rituals.

Only men are welcome.

And they come here for one reason -

to have sex...

with strangers.

Come on, lad. Suck me off.

MEN MOAN

In this film we enter the infamous world of the gay

sauna for the very first time...

Shit, sorry.

THEY LAUGH

..meeting the men who come here for sexual adventures...

The reasons you get orgies at a gay bath is

because there is no woman there to say no.

..and the workers who clear up after them...

There's sperm everywhere.

OK. So, I'm not touching that.

One puts one's head there and legs up there.

If you'd like to get your kit off I'll show you.

..as we find out what really happens in a gay sauna.

In almost every town and city in the UK there is a gay sauna.

In a country where being gay is more accepted than ever,

the gay sauna remains a secretive world of another era.

Lacking signs and notices, most people wouldn't know

they exist, let alone what goes on inside.

I've got to open up today cos our lovely James is off.

In Nottingham, CS2 is housed in an old warehouse.

It remains the city's best-kept secret.

The weather's looking promising.

It's, like, sauna weather. Nice, cold and chilly.

So they can warm their...

their little, er...

their little friends up in our sauna.

HE CHUCKLES

Joe and partner John set up their sauna nearly four years ago.

Most people are regular people who come here, but first timers,

we give them a little guided tour first.

Put them at ease and show them round

and then just really let them get on with it.

Downstairs the sauna looks a bit like most health spas.

It's got a hot tub, a dry sauna, and showers.

But it's upstairs that is unique to a gay sauna.

This is quite unusual to be taking you up to this

part of the sauna because we treat this as a very private

part of the club.

What are these rooms called?

Private rest rooms.

People come and have private sex in them.

Inside a rest room you've got a bed.

We provide condoms and lubes.

We encourage safe sex.

Down this corridor leads to...

What's known as a sling.

A little bit like a dungeon.

Then there's a cine room just here.

The appeal of this, really, is it's cruisy.

Generally, it's in darkness, or very low lit in these areas

and then this area here is made to appear a little like...

Public toilets.

Public toilets, yeah. Yeah.

It's got a very famous name. Glory hole.

Well, let's say, Joe, you go in there.

Oh, OK. Thank you.

So Joe's suddenly decided to pop into that one.

I've clocked him doing that

so I think, "Oh, he looked interesting."

So I'll go in.

Hello.

Oh, he's poking his finger through. I wonder what that means.

And then, "Wow, somebody else next door!" It's very anonymous.

You may not know... In fact, nine times out of ten

I don't think people do know who's next door.

I think that's kind of part of the the fun of this

type of environment.

Like skiing, innit?

Like skiing.

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, what happens from there?

I'll leave it to your imagination what happens in here.

Do you have gay couples who come here together?

You do get couples come quite a lot, don't you, really? Yeah.

People who like...

But they need to be in a total open relationship.

Yeah, they've got to be... Like us.

Because it causes jealousy. Yeah.

Together for over 30 years,

John and Joe's relationship has never been monogamous.

And they find that running a sauna

comes with plenty of fringe benefits.

We met a a lad and John says, "Shall we take him back?"

We give people nicknames that...

And we called him Geronimo because we were laid in the bed...

I'd forgotten about that.

And he'd said, "I'll just go to the toilet."

And when he came out of the toilet he just took a running jump...

Rushed from the bathroom. ..and jumped onto the bed.

Jumped in the middle of our double bed. In between us and the bed...

And the bed collapsed! ..just collapsed.

With the sauna cleaned, condoms stocked and towels rolled,

the doors open every day at 12 o'clock.

Hello. One towel, locker 25. OK.

Open at 8pm every night, men from all walks of life,

backgrounds and races will come through the doors.

And with a £12 entrance fee,

business is booming at this backstreet sauna.

Hiya, mate. You all right? How are you?

Good, thanks. Are you? I'm not bad, thank you.

Here's your towel. Thank you. And your key.

If you just want to go through your locker there, OK,

and just get changed into your towel. OK, thank you. Thanks.

What do you come here for?

Um, what do I come here for?

Well, primarily, it would be sex.

On arrival, all the customers need to jump in the shower

first before they can use the facilities.

It's a bit like going to the spa, but with added extras.

Yeah, it could be, you know,

a little happy ending somewhere, I suppose.

You can do as much or as little as you want to do in a sauna,

that's the thing.

So if it's, like...

If you're in a particularly busy sauna with loads of fit men,

you're going to have a busy day.

No membership is required to enter the sauna.

Old or young, married or single,

once inside, customers are free to roam around,

pick up whoever they like, or join in with whoever is willing.

MEN CHATTER INDISTINCTLY

Come on, lad, suck me off. I'm getting hard.

We won't leave you out, then.

Oh, shit! MAN MOANS AND GROANS

That's £12, mate. Cheers. Do you want to come through?

I've got some miniature lubes.

Not miniature condoms,

but miniature lubes for the less endowed gentleman.

Yeah, where are we?

Owners Joe and John like to play the field, and they're not alone.

Gay relationships are arguably less monogamous than straight ones.

But last year, gay marriage was legalised

and some feel that the community is at a crossroads.

I can do this. You go and have a jacuzzi

while you've got the chance.

OK.

Joe has decided to pop the question.

I've got a little surprise for John, I think.

I'm actually going to see if he really does want to get married

and see what he says about that.

So...

What do you mean?

Well, I'm going to get in the jacuzzi with him and get James to

bring a bottle of champagne and then

ask for his hand in marriage!

69-year-old former English teacher Narvil

is a regular at the sauna.

It's my sort of... I see it as a kind of a sport, really.

Being a gay man, Narvil believes it gives him

more sexual freedom than his straight counterparts.

I do believe that men are promiscuous anyway by instinct.

They are more likely to stray

and I often say that one of the reasons you get

orgies at a gay bath is because there is no woman there to say no.

You might say all hell breaks loose.

Certainly a very pleasant hell from my point of view...

because I like sex.

Locker 26, all right? Thanks very much.

Hello, John. Hello there, Narvil. How are you today?

I'm good, thanks. How are you keeping?

Oh, not too bad. Yeah.

Push the door and come through.

OK.

There you go. So locker 42.

How important is the sauna to you?

This is where I come.

This is where I chill out.

This is my gay bar or my club.

Cold day like today, you take your clothes off and come in here.

It's like tropical paradise. It's really very pleasant.

In his inner city paradise,

Narvil heads upstairs to see what tropical fruits he can find.

Here, come...

Shit, sorry!

THEY LAUGH

How do you indicate that you want someone?

Oh, well, if you lay down on a bed.

It's not a case of smiling.

That can put people off, you know.

It's a case of...

Open your legs a bit, you know.

That should be a pretty strong hint, shouldn't it, to anybody?

There are rooms to satisfy everyone's tastes and needs.

For Narvil, it's the dark room.

Now this is more me here.

Here's a bench, it's very dark.

The light's on it now

but I can assure you, you can't see anything.

Let me switch the light off, let's see what happens. Yeah.

It's a little bit like the glory hole in a way.

You can't see who the other person is

and I, personally, find that quite exciting.

Shall we go somewhere else? Yes.

Despite being a regular sauna user,

Narvil has been in a relationship for almost 40 years.

But his partner never joins him

and Narvil's hobby has become a constant source of tension.

CS2 in Nottingham is a place where men meet other men for sex.

One pump.

The owners of this sauna, Joe and John, first met in 1982.

Homosexuality was still a taboo

and many gay establishments were often raided by the police.

The pub was called the Hearty Goodfellow in Nottingham

and it was a downstairs venue.

In those days, um, it was always a private thing,

it was a secret thing.

That's when pubs and everything was hidden

to keep it away from the general public.

All gay bars used to have "private party" on the door.

I just saw him, I thought, "He's a nice lad."

I remember those words like it was only yesterday.

He said to me,

"I'll come back with you, but I'm not doing anything."

Didn't you?

All sweet and innocent.

His knickers were off before he came in the door.

THEY LAUGH

This is a quick way of emptying a Jacuzzi.

Joe may be thinking of asking John to marry him.

Oh, that's gone down quick.

But after 30 years, it's still not a conventional relationship.

We've always sort of, er, enjoyed...

Well, I've enjoyed... Mingling.

..enjoyed other people's company as well as our own.

We've always mingled with the crowd. Yeah, we have.

Do you ever get jealous of each other pulling other people?

I would be lying if I said, you know,

that didn't cause problems in the early years.

Um, but you can meet whoever you want.

It's like meeting somebody in a sauna

and whatever you do with them,

there's only one person you're going home with that night,

and that's the person you love and you live with

and you've done for...for all those years.

And it gives me a break as well.

HE LAUGHS

With the hot tub clean, Joe decides now is the time to take the plunge.

Well, you know everybody says we're like a married couple,

an old married couple? Yeah.

Well, why don't we...

..be an old married couple and get married?

Yeah? Yeah.

What are you crying for?

I'd like that. You know I...

..you know I would, yeah. Oh, right.

THEY LAUGH

Having had sex with two men this morning at the sauna,

Narvil is back at home relaxing with his husband Terry.

Did you enjoy that, Narvil? I did, yeah.

Your music soothes me. Oh.

Especially after a busy afternoon at the sauna! You slut.

Narvil has been a regular user of the sauna,

in spite of his 38-year relationship with partner Terry.

Committing yourself to sex with the one person,

even the most gorgeous person...

it wouldn't suit me at all.

I'd be horrified at the thought of it.

Because different people have different talents, actually.

In an orgy, you know, in an orgy situation, you know,

darkened room, of course,

and I mean, I get excited if I can't see them,

if I don't know them.

When I go to the baths, I try to get other people...

involved. I mean, I turn nobody away, you know.

I mean, I always think, "The more, the merrier!"

Gay saunas aren't just a UK phenomena.

They exist in cities across the world.

In his teens, Narvil lived in the US,

where he was a local at a sauna in Detroit.

It was a... It was in a black area,

so most of the men were African-Americans, you see.

And, er...and they used to say...

SOUTHERN ACCENT: "Pass over the white boy. Oh, Lordy be!" You know.

And they used to actually physically pass... I was 19 then,

and they physically used to pass me over to the middle of them all.

And some of these black men were fat

and they'd got fabulous tongues and I loved it.

I loved it. You know, I used to come and come and come

and I reckon about...

four or five times in a couple of hours

was not unusual.

Now, of course, I am 70 next year

and one of my great sadnesses is

that I can't do anything like that now, you know.

I mean, I go to the baths and I... and I have to be satisfied with two.

Because if I try for number three, I'll kill myself.

I mean, my heart's beating, you know,

and I know that if I die,

it'll probably be there with all those people there,

and the bath attendant will be in awful trouble, wouldn't he?

Whilst Narvil dreams of dying in the sauna,

Terry can't think of a worse way to go.

Do you use the saunas? No, I don't use the saunas.

Narvil enjoys it.

I'm sad that he feels it necessary, but...

..that he needs... It's like a drug.

40 years ago, Terry was in a more traditional monogamous relationship.

He was married to a woman.

He met Narvil and embarked on a secret affair.

I got really nasty with my wife...

"What's the matter with you?"

And I said, "I don't know, I don't know."

I knew. I knew that I was upset and I couldn't admit it,

couldn't admit that I'd seen these boys and, oh, you know,

the desire that was there - what could you say?

Was within two months when I met Narvil.

I was high as a kite.

And I couldn't be without Narvil.

If I wasn't with him, I was crying.

I wanted to be with him all the while.

But that was the beginning of my new life.

That was the beginning of me coming out.

But I really was ready for this.

I found somebody and I'd just fallen in love with him.

And he was the same with me.

With just two weeks to Joe and John's wedding...

This one. Have you been in this one before? No. Oh, right.

..Joe enlists sister Mandy for some help.

So, how's the plans coming along?

Oh, God. I've got so much to do. Like what?

Do you want me to help you? Got to order a wedding cake.

Are you having groom and groom on the top, or bride and groom? No.

Are you... Are you the girl, or are you the boy?

THEY LAUGH

Mandy has known Joe's been gay since he was 16.

I fancied a bloke in Spain once.

Next day I woke up. He was in his bed.

He went, "Oh, he's crap." THEY LAUGH

She has interesting views on Joe and John's relationship.

They're dirty bastards.

I don't believe how you're saying that.

Yeah, you are. Why are we? Because you two... Yeah?

You bring the chip shop lad in,

the chinky-chonky takeaway lad, everybody.

If you meet someone on a Saturday night,

guaranteed John will have him on a Sunday morning.

THEY LAUGH

Yeah, but men are like...

They just want to do the business and go, don't they?

They don't want to... Chuck the muck.

They don't want to have a chat or anything like that. Yeah, I know.

But that's the same with straight men and gay men.

It's... Yeah. Men are just... It's in-built in them.

Despite frequently enjoying the fringe benefits of owning a sauna,

Joe and John's desires no longer extend to each other.

John gets bored with people very quick.

You know, he just likes to have his little fussy with them

and move on to the next.

Do you and John ever have sex? No!

Why?

Not even a BJ or a wank or...? No!

Mandy! Really?

I'm not a chicken any more. He's not interested in me, is he?

So you've got a saggy arse?

What, like yours? Don't start.

In Nottingham, thousands of men use CS2 every year.

Because it's so busy, the sauna is staffed by bath attendants

who keep the place clean and serve the punters.

26-year-old James has been doing the job for six years.

I'll check if there is any stains on them or blood.

Technically...

..I need to wear gloves for this.

You know, this ain't one of the prettiest sights of the job.

They have accidents...

which still makes me heave, to be fair.

You know, stains like that, you know, that's sperm.

It could be also...something else. It could be crap.

No, I think it's more of a club and society here.

And a lot of people belong.

It gives people a feeling of belonging, you know.

But James isn't part of the club.

As a straight man, he definitely doesn't fraternise

with the clientele.

Like, why is a straight guy working in a gay sauna?

It doesn't matter that I'm gay or straight.

I mean, obviously people do try it,

but I just let them know I'm straight, and that's basically it,

and then they move on. So it's not a really big problem,

plus I suppose it's kind of flattering as well.

Unfortunately you have to clean it all up

when it's ready to be cleaned. That's the only downfall upon it.

Bath attendant James may well be an old hand at the job,

but it wasn't always the case.

Before you started to work here what did you think

happened in a gay sauna? Was it a...?

I didn't even know what a gay sauna were, mate, to be honest.

I didn't know places like this existed.

And I suppose it's really, really broadened my horizons,

because I were kind of homophobic before, you know. I were, mate.

And yet I actually realised that, you know,

there's a lot of gay people who are just really, really cool.

I'd rather go out with a gay guy than a fucking straight guy

that's a complete and utter nutter knob, you know,

where before it would've been the opposite way around, you know.

VOICES TALK OVER EACH OTHER

Gay saunas attract men from all backgrounds,

from teachers to salesmen,

policemen, mechanics, businessmen, plumbers...

and local politicians.

Hello!

Drinks over there, food inside.

Robin has been a local Tory councillor for over 30 years.

First elected 1979, the same day as Margaret Thatcher came to power.

So I've been around a while.

I'm president of the Conservative Association

for three constituencies.

Um, uh, we're having a sort of fundraising garden party

here today in my house.

You're going to eat inside, are you? Oh, I must, yes.

The first gay saunas opened in the swinging '60s,

with the legalisation of homosexuality.

Robin has used them all his life, but remembers a time

when doing so would put you on the wrong side of the law.

I've always gone to gay saunas,

right from the days when gay saunas were seen as a place

where the police could make lots of arrests.

Um, they actually had plain-clothes policemen

with no clothes on at all, which I always thought was slightly ironic.

And the people running the premises actually went to prison.

Yes, darling.

Six years ago, Robin met his partner, Andy, in a gay sauna.

'He's a plumber, I'm a politician.

'We probably would have never have met in quite the same way,

'if we'd been wearing our respective work clothes.

'So, actually, meeting with just a towel put us as equals.'

Love is in bloom!

Yeah, all a question of where Cupid shoots his arrows, I think.

I mean, you don't plan these things to happen, but they just do. Yes.

Andy, like many users of the sauna, kept his sexuality a secret.

Uh, I come out to me family about a month ago.

Everybody's been really supportive.

Mum's taking a long time to come round.

Yeah she's, uh, she's still in shock.

And do you friends know that you use gay saunas?

Um, if it comes up in conversation, all well and good.

If they say, "That's outrageous," I'd ask them to justify that.

There's absolutely nothing new. The Romans did it.

Do you know anything about gay saunas?

Not really, no, to be honest.

I'm sure my wife doesn't. No. No.

I know nothing whatsoever about gay saunas.

I didn't know there were gay saunas,

but it's entirely up to them. You know, it's consenting adults.

And so long as I don't have to be involved, that's fine.

Is it like, um, somewhere where you go and sit and get...

get impurities from your skin?

I don't know, I don't know. You're going to have to tell me.

Gay men go there to have sex. In...? Actually in the sauna room?

Not the sauna. Well, yes.

OK, to be honest! OK.

THEY LAUGH

Despite recently tying the knot,

Robin and Andy are not about to give up the sauna.

Jacuzzis are interesting because you get a few guys...

in the tub together, so things are touching you as water currents.

There may be the odd hand or a knee or a toe.

I stroke your ankle, you stroke my ankle with your toe and...

things can progress from there.

Some people think it's a bit seedy.

Some people think anything to do with sex is seedy. It isn't.

Nobody's doing anything against their will.

Everybody's consenting.

What's wrong with that?

After a splash in the hot tub, they couldn't wait to get upstairs.

Oh, very nice. I know where my friends are.

Oh, that's quite nice, actually. I quite like that.

HE LAUGHS

Through here...

there's the cinema...

..which is showing porn.

Relax on this padded area and either enjoy the film or the audience,

whichever you find more attractive.

All a bit of a turn-on, of course, even at my age.

ANDY LAUGHS

One of Robin and Andy's favourite rooms in the sauna

is a little more specialist.

There's a sling here for people who are into a particular fetish.

One puts one's head there and legs up there,

an act of penetration can take place...

without the resistance of being on a bed.

If you'd like to get your kit off, I'll show you.

Gay saunas attract men of all backgrounds,

and most use it anonymously.

We don't know their names or they like to keep it all secret -

they don't tell you where they work or anything like that.

I don't know what they think I'm going to do -

track them down or something.

Joe thinks over half of his customers

are in straight relationships.

It's quite funny when you see them out and about in town

with their missus pushing a pram.

They sort of, like, turn and go the other way.

I don't know whether they think

I'm going to tell the missus or something.

Where are you going?

Oh, what for?

Oh! HE LAUGHS

No, I've got to be professional in me own reception.

I can't do that sort of thing... unless they're exceptional.

CS2's bathroom attendant James ended up working for Joe and John

after they tried to pick him up six years ago.

Joe and John, we met when my cousin come out as gay.

And I went to go and support him.

I went up to him and said... They obviously thought,

"You know what, we're gonna try it with him," or something.

But they didn't obviously know I was straight,

cos I was in a gay bar, to be fair.

And then basically I got a job.

Being straight didn't put 26-year-old James off

from working at the sauna,

but he's kept it a secret from his friends and family.

Well, the thing is, for some reason, I've got this massive problem

with telling people that I work in a gay sauna.

So I tell... I mean, I'm even worried about people overhearing me.

So I tell everyone I work at a clothes shop at the moment.

I think people's got the wrong idea

what's actually involved in a sauna, you know what I mean.

I think they mainly think it's a brothel and it's not, you know.

In my eyes it's just like... It's a sauna.

There's no rent boys or anything

or, you know, prostitutes or anything like that.

It's different than working at Costa Coffee, I can tell you that.

This is the famous clothes shop

that all my friends and family think I work at.

We have three cinema rooms

which I'm now going to switch on for our customers obviously,

which will show adult films.

Don't ask me what's on them, because I don't tend to watch them,

believe it or not.

Before he can open, James has to make sure the sauna is spick and span.

We have to clean it...continuously.

You know, there's nothing worse than standing on a used condom

and it exploding on the floor.

Oh, I can smell sperm.

Uh, fuck it, is that...? There's sperm everywhere -

there and there.

This room again has been tarnished.

Whilst James is manning the sauna,

Joe and John are off to celebrate their engagement

with a big family lunch.

Everybody knows what me and John do for a living,

because they've all been and visited.

My dad even helped paint most of the place.

What do they think about it?

I think they just think it's an exclusive men-only health club.

Hello. Are you all right, Joe? Yeah, mate, you?

What am I supposed to do with this, Lawrence?

I've been left presents like that before at the sauna.

Ever been in? I have been in... early days to help out.

He's not been in as a customer. I've not been in as a customer.

WOMAN: Cut that bit. Clarify that bit. Just clarify that bit.

What do you think about the sauna?

I think it's a good idea, to be honest.

I mean, there's been a load of stigma over the years,

but it's finishing that stigma.

LAUGHTER

Here's... ALL: Cheers!

You've been to where we work, haven't you?

Oh, yes. What did you think? Yeah, I think it's lovely.

..if you like that sort of thing!

Who's looking after the sauna today?

Uh, James is there, I think.

Sunday's normally a mega-busy day,

so hopefully they're all in there having fun.

The weekend is the busiest time at the sauna.

On Sunday, up to 50 men can come looking for some action.

We're gonna have to... At yours, yeah?

Get some more lads first.

No, we'll get... No, Jamie. Yeah. Who do you think I am?

You're a slut. I'm not. Fuck off.

Making me out to be something like I'm fucking, like, a slag.

He is, in't he? I'm just quiet.

LAUGHTER

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

It's nice, this.

MAN MOANS

Some vino? Please.

Get pissed? LAUGHTER

Do you get many straight people coming to the sauna?

Yeah, we get plenty of so-called straights.

I would say probably over half, if they're honest,

are, uh, secret.

Really? That high? Yeah.

I can't believe that. That's so many. That is high.

We had one lad who'd got a tracker on his mobile and he said,

"Oh, me missus knows where I am."

Did she come?

She turned up. She was outside. No!

Yeah.

He's going, "Have you got a back entrance, cos she's outside"?

LAUGHTER

So now I'm putting the lights on to reveal what shit has been left.

It's like magic, but a terrible version of it.

Someone's had a slight accident.

Looks like faeces.

So now I've got to wipe all that.

Great, eh?

Oh, you fucker.

HE LAUGHS

Right, OK.

So funny...

It's got a fucking condom on and everything.

I'm not touching that.

Stuff like that happens all the time, though.

MUSIC PLAYS

Ole!

Narvil and his partner Terry had a civil partnership in 2004,

before gay marriage was legal.

It didn't change their relationship.

To Terry's dismay, Narvil still visits the sauna every week.

Right, Terry. I'll see you later, OK?

Oh, right. Where are you going? Oh, you know where I'm going.

Bye-bye, then, darling. Have a nice... Have a nice time.

Thank you very much. Give my regards to Guy and Terry and Thomas.

Yeah, yeah. So you know some of the people that...?

You talk about them often enough.

Well, of course I have to talk about them, yeah.

Anyway, see you later, then. About half-three would it be?

Something like that, yeah. OK. OK, bye.

Bye-bye, darling. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Better see him off, I suppose.

Bye!

He's gone now.

Oh, ho, start the day now on my own.

Terry would have preferred somebody who would be faithful.

But we put up with each other.

You know I have been asked,

"Do you love Terry?"

And the answer is yes,

and he loves me.

With Narvil looking forward to some action in the sauna,

Terry takes a trip down memory lane.

This River Garden now... It used to be a private tea shop.

And in 1976, when I met Narvil,

that was when we had our first meal together in there.

And it... Oh, it was so romantic.

It were fantastic.

Hello. Hello, John. How are you, Narvil? All right?

Not too bad. Here again. Yeah, I know. Can't keep away.

You can't, can you, these days? There you go, locker 36.

36. All right, Narvil. You know where you're going?

I find it works better for me if I get in early.

To be honest...

I will be honest. Because the clientele...early

tend to be older men.

And that works out better for me, not looking for...

I don't come here looking for a husband. There's a husband at home.

Can gay men not be monogamous?

There are monogamous gay couples, of course, and I say good luck to them.

I think it's nice if they can equal

or get near to the heterosexual model.

But that's pretty rare.

Shower.

To cope with Narvil's infidelity, Terry has set some ground rules.

You don't bring anyone home for sex.

HE LAUGHS

That's a rule.

That...that causes distress and so that does not happen.

If he does try to enlarge on that,

I will say, "No details, thank you."

Upstairs now. I've had steam, I've had sauna,

and now it's a case of going... to ascend.

I know there are lots of people that... And it's all sex.

And I just think, "How shallow that is!"

I think to do it that often,

there's nothing else in your life, you know.

You've got to... You've got a poor life.

I do think that you still love that one person.

I don't think you can love everybody. No.

But you can have sex with everybody. Yeah.

I suppose some people would say that's having your cake and eating it.

Sometimes...

I just wish he didn't go there.

But the sex side, it's irrelevant.

Anybody can have sex. It's over in seconds.

I like things that last.

It's why I take a load of time eating my meal.

I always judge people, their sexual acts,

the way they have sex, by the quickness they eat their meal!

You were quick, weren't you?

That was very nice today, yes.

Yes, I quite enjoyed it, yes.

I...

I'm a little bit lighter, which is a good thing.

Thanks a lot, then. See ya. Bye, then, bye.

HE HUMS

Joe is finishing on the late shift.

That's it for another day.

Tomorrow, him and partner John will be getting married.

Hello, fiance!

JOE LAUGHS

You won't be able to say that tomorrow.

I know. Come on, then, come in.

Are you looking forward to the big day, Joey?

Yeah. I am, I'm telling you.

JOE SIGHS

Tomorrow is the most important day of our lives.

Well, it is mine anyway. It's the end of an era.

And the beginning of a new era. It's the end of an era.

You're not gonna be young, free and single any more.

I won't be young, free and single any more?

Well, you're not gonna be young anyway!

Are you excited?

Um, yeah. Just think, next time we come here we'll be married.

Yeah.

Just like most of our customers!

THEY LAUGH

Stop feeling me bum!

THEY LAUGH

It's date night for Narvil and Terry.

So what time are we leaving, Narvil?

Well, I think we should go at about 20 to.

We always go to the Durham Ox tonight, don't we?

Wednesday night is Durham Ox night.

It happens every Wednesday.

That's me. Am I all right? Yeah, you look great. Yeah.

You look OK, yeah. All right. Get gone.

OK.

We'd better back out now, hadn't we?

Right, get on with it.

Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on.

All right, nothing coming up.

So we need to be facing down, don't we?

Yes, yeah, that's lovely. Thank you.

Ooh, lovely.

Despite Narvil being a regular sauna user,

it's a source of conflict between him and Terry.

It's like a sport.

It'd be like I went to play football or something like that.

When he comes back, I can tell if he's won or not.

Definitely.

I look at him and say, "Definitely. That was a draw today. Oh, OK.

"Not so good, eh? OK."

Terry made a very poignant statement.

It wasn't long ago he said this.

He said, "You never made love in your life."

That did hit home.

You know, I think there may be something in that.

With the background I've had, I was...

Most people would say... I say used but most people say abused

in a paedophile circle. I was only 12 years old.

So that was very damaging, that experience.

I suppose it has an effect on you.

There's a lot which binds us together.

I believe I love Terry.

And, in that sense, I could almost say I've been faithful

in that I haven't loved anybody else.

I... I love Terry.

I love you.

Well, give me a kiss, then. All right.

After 30 years together,

the big day has finally arrived for Joe and John.

God, even this feels tighter now!

You know you've never had to put a suit on.

Oh, James, just... Stop being stupid. Get your shirt on!

This is it, eh?

How are you feeling, Joe and John.

I'm off my face on diazepam at the moment so I'm fine!

And Joe's pissed, probably! I haven't had a drink!

He says he hasn't.

My God, have I put weight on since I tried these trousers on?

It's only a couple of days!

Wow, there you go.

And we are gathered here today

to witness the marriage of John and Joe.

I know of no legal reason

why I, John Gains,

may not be joined in marriage.

To Joseph Aaron Core.

Place the ring on his finger.

I promise to give you my love and friendship.

These promises I make to you.

For the rest of my life.

I am very pleased to announce

that you are now lawfully joined together as husband and husband.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

HE SOBS

Calm down, now. Don't be...

You all right? Yeah.

Supposed to be the greatest day of our lives and he's crying!

Follow the jizz.

There you go. Good as new.

I'm just going to do a quick room check.

I think somebody sort of got a bit overexcited on here.

Probably met up with the man of their dreams

and now I've cleaned away all the evidence.

Oh, hang on.

I missed a bit.

You notice there's no scally boys around today so...

I'd probably be spending a bit more time up here if there was

but don't tell Joe I said that.

Joe, do you there'll always be a need for saunas?

Yeah. There'll always be a need.

Won't there? We'll always be here for them if that's what they want,

to get off with each other.

Yep. To get off with them.

Subtitles by Ericsson