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And of course the swastikas
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that were on the latest newsletter
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were supposed to have been octopuses.
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I am a very bad artist, and
I apologize to any student
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I may have offended.
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And... and finally, our
sinks are not urinals,
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and our urinals are not sinks.
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And that's the last
time I'm gonna say that.
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So, uh, our speaker
today taught at Harvard
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and very soon hopefully
will be doing a TED Talk.
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So we are all very
lucky to be the audience
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for his audition tape.
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Please welcome Jack Griffin.
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Shake.
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Thank you, Ralph.
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Uh, yes, you are all very
lucky to be here, okay?
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If I get this TED Talk gig,
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it could catapult my upcoming
book to the best-seller list.
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Okay, so, congratulations.
You knew me when.
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All right, roll cameras.
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Hi, everybody. Hi. Oh,
stop. Please. Thank you.
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Um, so my name is Dr. Jack Griffin
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and this is my presentation entitled,
24
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"The Pursuit of Happiness
Through Societal Regression."
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Now people often ask me, Doctor...
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Whoops.
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So, uh, uh, people will often ask me,
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you know, Doctor...
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whoopsie.
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Oh, my God, Jack! Jack!
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- Oh, my God...
- You okay?
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Ralph, Ralph, you gotta
get me out of here, man.
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- I'm really hurt.
- Okay, okay, okay.
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Madison. Madison, come here.
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Oh, God! Oh, Ralph!
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Okay, we got him.
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We got you, it's okay.
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Here we go.
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Oh, God, Ralph, I'm really hurt.
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- Ooh, gosh.
- God, I'm really hurt.
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Oh, I'm really hurt.
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Ow, oh, oh, oh!
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- It's okay.
- Oh, God. Ralph.
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Oh, God. Hold my thigh. It's my thigh.
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Oh, God. Oh! I really cranked it, Ralph.
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No, no, no, don't touch it!
I cranked my thigh, Ralph!
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I'm just trying to help.
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Oh, but everything you're
doing is making it worse.
49
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Oh, I think there's, like,
a loose bone or something
50
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and my butt is... is... oh,
God, I think I smashed my butt.
51
00:02:01,249 --> 00:02:04,199
Oh, my smashed butt.
Oh, my smashed butt.
52
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Ohh, it's so smashed!
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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Oh, my God, dude was like, "Whoa!"
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"I'm wearing a suit."
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Whoopsie, whoopsie, whoopsie.
57
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Happy Monday, ladies.
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Jack, you're on WorldStar.
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What is WorldStar?
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Are you guys watching
a video of me falling?
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- Mm-hmm.
- That's not funny.
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It's pretty funny, especially
'cause you go, "Doctor whoops."
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Doctor Whoopsie!
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Like, who actually says
whoopsie when they fall?
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Right?
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00:02:51,809 --> 00:02:54,001
Good morning, Mary, Stef, Michelle,
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Dr. Whoopsie.
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Hey!
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Yeah.
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- Are you okay?
- Well, finally somebody asks.
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Actually, I'm... I'm doing okay.
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Yeah, a little sore
but nothing's broken.
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- That's good.
- Yeah.
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00:03:06,801 --> 00:03:09,058
I thought you were going to
have that smashed butt surgery.
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Yeah.
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Did you guys hear the
Smashed Butt remix?
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? Ow it's so smashed,
ow my smashed butt ?
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Everyone, terrible news.
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The Daddy's back.
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- I'm sorry, what? The Daddy?
- The Sugar Daddy.
81
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:26,660
Jack, this is Whitlock's
greatest mystery.
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Every few months, hundreds
of Sugar Daddy wrappers
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mysteriously appear around the school.
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This is the work of a real sick puppy.
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Perhaps he's not some elusive boogeyman
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as much as the 700 Garbage Pail Kids
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who roam these halls every day.
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You know, just a thought.
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You guys, he's not wrong.
90
00:03:43,417 --> 00:03:46,295
But the Sugar Daddy, uh,
he's a serial litterer.
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He's malicious, he's psychotic.
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00:03:48,654 --> 00:03:50,410
I bet he doesn't even
eat the Sugar Daddies.
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00:03:50,435 --> 00:03:53,215
My theory is based on the
fact that no one ever has.
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That can't be true. I mean...
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I'm with Lynette. I mean,
those things are gross.
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I'm a... I'm a big lollipop guy myself
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but I... have to eat them at home
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because people think I'm a little boy
99
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and I can't get into restaurants.
100
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Ohh.
101
00:04:05,972 --> 00:04:07,402
Well, all I know
102
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is that I'm determined to
catch this son of a bitch.
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Well, we'll help you.
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I always know the killer
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the first four minutes
of "Law and Order."
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Yup, it's never the
second guy they talk to.
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It's sometimes the first.
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00:04:19,598 --> 00:04:20,730
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh!
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Ooh and if there's a stepfather,
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you know his ass did it.
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Mm-hmm.
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00:04:26,605 --> 00:04:30,376
? Mm-hmm ?
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Whoopsie.
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Marcus, I know where you live.
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I retract my whoopsie.
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Yeah.
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So I imagine you guys
have all seen this, uh,
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video of me that's been going around.
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Which version?
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My favorite is when
you fall off the stage
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into a shark's mouth.
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Oh, and then they cut
to a guy on Maury Povich
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doing an "I'm not the father" dance.
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Yeah, fun.
125
00:05:01,432 --> 00:05:03,069
So this is our mission for today.
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00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,396
We need to delete that video.
Now how do we do that?
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00:05:05,421 --> 00:05:07,057
Brother, you don't.
128
00:05:07,082 --> 00:05:08,761
It's like when you're
standing on a rooftop
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00:05:08,785 --> 00:05:10,296
and you shake all the
feathers out of a pillow
130
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and then the next day you say,
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"I want to get all those feathers back."
132
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Did you just quote the movie "Doubt"?
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I just realized something wonderful.
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Whenever anyone looks up "Jack Griffin,"
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the first thing that's going
to come up is Doctor Whoopsie.
136
00:05:22,413 --> 00:05:23,420
Well, that's not good.
137
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I'm trying to become the
most famous philosopher
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of... of my generation, okay?
139
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Whoa, Vic.
140
00:05:33,878 --> 00:05:35,500
Where's your signature grandpa sweater?
141
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:38,137
Where's your fancy Harvard job?
142
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Ooh!
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00:05:40,711 --> 00:05:43,514
Ooh, okay! Nice comeback.
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I like this attitude.
I don't know what's going on.
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00:05:46,184 --> 00:05:47,519
Cool.
146
00:05:47,552 --> 00:05:49,655
All right, so how do we
change the narrative, guys?
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You know... I know, I know.
148
00:05:51,555 --> 00:05:54,392
We need to make a more popular
video where I look cool.
149
00:05:54,425 --> 00:05:55,993
So how do we do that?
150
00:05:56,026 --> 00:05:58,096
Uh, Griff, my uncle
agreed to give his kidney
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to a total stranger.
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00:05:59,372 --> 00:06:00,665
It was all over the news.
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Everyone in town was talking about it.
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Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I like this, a heroic act.
156
00:06:06,271 --> 00:06:08,140
I mean, people love a feel-good story.
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Well, it turned out
the kidney went to a guy
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who murdered a bunch of
immigrants in rural Texas.
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- So that was a bummer.
- Hmm.
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One time I went to Texas and I hated it.
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Just like I hate everything else.
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Whatever.
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00:06:22,086 --> 00:06:23,234
What's going on with you, bud?
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Somebody steal your
Magic: The Gathering cards?
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- You wanna go?
- Oh, my God.
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00:06:28,393 --> 00:06:30,729
This is great. I like this very much.
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I really do. It's a nice new wrinkle.
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00:06:32,488 --> 00:06:35,325
I mean, just when I thought
I'd get bored with you guys.
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00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:37,468
All right, so what's
a powerful moving act
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00:06:37,502 --> 00:06:39,304
that I could get caught on camera doing?
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00:06:39,336 --> 00:06:41,105
Being a solider coming home to your kid.
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00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:42,441
Get a cochlear implant
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00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:44,276
and hear your mom's
voice for the first time.
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Okay, well that's for
babies and my mom is dead.
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00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:47,786
Oh.
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00:06:47,811 --> 00:06:49,787
I mean, we're building a
Habitat for Humanity house
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00:06:49,811 --> 00:06:51,724
this Saturday and the
news is gonna be there.
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00:06:51,749 --> 00:06:53,925
No, no! Guys, no!
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00:06:53,950 --> 00:06:56,129
This has to be something that
really takes over the airwaves.
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00:06:56,153 --> 00:06:57,827
You know, think O.J. Bronco.
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00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,155
Think Thai soccer team rescue.
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00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:01,215
Baby Jessica.
183
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,571
Yeah, Baby Jess... Babe... yeah.
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00:07:03,596 --> 00:07:05,837
Yes, that's good.
185
00:07:05,862 --> 00:07:07,164
Okay, guys, we got it. All right?
186
00:07:07,188 --> 00:07:08,338
Anybody who wants extra credit,
187
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:09,962
meet me in the parking lot during lunch.
188
00:07:10,996 --> 00:07:13,366
So Baby Jessica got me thinking about
189
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,347
the brave heroes that saved her.
190
00:07:15,372 --> 00:07:17,209
I mean, that's such a striking image.
191
00:07:17,242 --> 00:07:19,076
A strong noble person
192
00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:20,839
pulling someone up from the depths.
193
00:07:20,864 --> 00:07:23,032
So that's what I'm going to be.
194
00:07:23,057 --> 00:07:25,761
All right, now who's going to
get down in the sewers for me?
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00:07:29,435 --> 00:07:31,070
Whatever, I'll do it.
196
00:07:31,489 --> 00:07:33,458
Yeah, I don't know, Vic.
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00:07:33,483 --> 00:07:35,136
I mean, you've been acting
a little off today, bud.
198
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:36,395
I said I'll do it.
199
00:07:36,427 --> 00:07:38,497
So just get out of my
way right now, please.
200
00:07:44,484 --> 00:07:46,805
This could work. I mean,
Victor makes a good victim.
201
00:07:46,830 --> 00:07:48,297
I mean, that sweet cherubic face.
202
00:07:48,321 --> 00:07:50,056
When the world sees this face
203
00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:53,995
being rescued by these
muscular arms, you know?
204
00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:56,090
All right, let's make this happen.
205
00:07:59,196 --> 00:08:00,864
Oh! Okay, yeah.
206
00:08:00,889 --> 00:08:02,162
You know what? I just remembered.
207
00:08:02,186 --> 00:08:04,498
The city, they started making
these things so that you need
208
00:08:04,522 --> 00:08:06,587
a special device to pull
these manhole covers up,
209
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:08,762
'cause I think kids were just...
210
00:08:10,221 --> 00:08:11,490
Yeah, I got it, Mr. G.
211
00:08:11,717 --> 00:08:13,284
Yeah, well, I... you know, I...
212
00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:15,746
I loosened the pickle
jar for you there, so...
213
00:08:18,004 --> 00:08:20,006
- Sugar Daddy? Never heard of him.
- _
214
00:08:20,031 --> 00:08:21,265
Come on, Dale.
215
00:08:21,290 --> 00:08:23,539
You know every piece
of trash in this school.
216
00:08:23,564 --> 00:08:25,875
Sorry, can't help you. Janitor's code.
217
00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:28,072
We just want to know where you find
218
00:08:28,097 --> 00:08:29,766
the most Sugar Daddy wrappers.
219
00:08:29,791 --> 00:08:30,792
No can do.
220
00:08:30,817 --> 00:08:31,985
Wait, time out!
221
00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:33,746
What's going on with all these boxes?
222
00:08:33,771 --> 00:08:36,323
Yeah, like, what are you
loading up to leave the school?
223
00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:38,318
And why can't you stop
working for two seconds
224
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,753
and talk to us?
225
00:08:39,778 --> 00:08:41,601
These are empty boxes
going to be recycled.
226
00:08:41,626 --> 00:08:42,895
Hmm.
227
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,732
You know, a janitor really makes
228
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:46,023
the best kind of litterer, right?
229
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:47,048
Mm-hmm.
230
00:08:47,073 --> 00:08:49,405
It's like when the doctor
is making the patients sick.
231
00:08:49,430 --> 00:08:52,167
Or when the fireman is the arsonist.
232
00:08:52,192 --> 00:08:54,850
Oh, or when the waiter is rude to you.
233
00:08:54,875 --> 00:08:57,211
I am not the Sugar Daddy!
234
00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:59,773
My advice? Walk away.
235
00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:01,981
These wrappers have been
around for eight years,
236
00:09:02,006 --> 00:09:03,610
and I don't mind it.
237
00:09:03,635 --> 00:09:04,891
Eight years?
238
00:09:04,916 --> 00:09:06,618
Well, that means that
it's not a student.
239
00:09:06,643 --> 00:09:09,119
It certainly rules out
any seven-year-olds.
240
00:09:10,815 --> 00:09:13,422
All right, Bernie, we're all set!
241
00:09:13,447 --> 00:09:15,070
Drive it around to
the side of the school
242
00:09:15,095 --> 00:09:17,031
and leave it next to
the blue recycling bin,
243
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,828
and then next week we'll
break down the boxes
244
00:09:18,853 --> 00:09:20,122
and put 'em in the bins!
245
00:09:20,147 --> 00:09:22,850
Yeah! Get a move on, huh? Make haste!
246
00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:25,611
Whoo!
247
00:09:25,636 --> 00:09:27,539
Ugh, I love this job.
248
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:57,297
All right, well, our little victim
249
00:09:57,322 --> 00:09:58,418
seems to be in place here.
250
00:09:58,443 --> 00:10:00,264
So who's going to call Channel 24
251
00:10:00,289 --> 00:10:02,005
and convince them to get
their camera crew down here?
252
00:10:02,029 --> 00:10:03,516
- I'll do it.
- Uh, you know what?
253
00:10:03,541 --> 00:10:04,759
Let me get somebody else to do it.
254
00:10:04,783 --> 00:10:06,807
Hello? Yes, I'm at Whitlock High
255
00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:07,908
and my friend just fell down a manhole,
256
00:10:07,932 --> 00:10:09,658
and oh, my God, I'm so
scared he's going to die!
257
00:10:09,682 --> 00:10:10,806
The ambulances are on their way.
258
00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:12,068
You're not going to want to miss this.
259
00:10:12,092 --> 00:10:13,499
You need to tell the world
'cause he's going to need
260
00:10:13,523 --> 00:10:14,903
a lot of prayers otherwise he might die.
261
00:10:14,927 --> 00:10:17,498
Hurry, hurry, hurry! They bought it.
262
00:10:17,523 --> 00:10:18,724
- Did they?
- Yes.
263
00:10:18,749 --> 00:10:21,000
Okay, well, as much as it devastates me
264
00:10:21,025 --> 00:10:22,794
to say this, Marcus, good job.
265
00:10:22,819 --> 00:10:23,898
Namaste.
266
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:27,304
Oh! Oh, don't do that.
That is just the worst.
267
00:10:27,329 --> 00:10:29,365
All right, Victor, when I pull you...
268
00:10:31,138 --> 00:10:32,902
Victor?
269
00:10:32,927 --> 00:10:33,929
Victor?
270
00:10:33,954 --> 00:10:35,356
Oh, boy.
271
00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:38,210
Let me try something here.
272
00:10:38,235 --> 00:10:40,337
Victor!
273
00:10:40,362 --> 00:10:41,897
Victor?
274
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,143
- Yo, Mr. G, you lost Victor!
- Yeah.
275
00:10:45,168 --> 00:10:47,708
Mr. Griffin, is it fair
to say that losing a kid
276
00:10:47,733 --> 00:10:49,635
wasn't the heroic act
you were looking for?
277
00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:51,793
Yeah, Sarika but, you
know, it's not over, okay?
278
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:52,871
We're not giving up on Victor.
279
00:10:52,895 --> 00:10:54,829
Okay, I'm not giving up on Victor.
280
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,756
Yeah.
281
00:10:56,955 --> 00:10:59,625
Unless we all agree not to say anything.
282
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,252
Mr. Griffin!
283
00:11:01,277 --> 00:11:03,181
- Mr. Griffin!
- I know, that's what I'm saying.
284
00:11:03,206 --> 00:11:05,506
I... I so I should... we'll save him.
285
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:07,867
Plus, you know, he might
still be alive down there.
286
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,729
Yeah, Marcus, cancel the news crew, man.
287
00:11:09,754 --> 00:11:12,071
Oh, that's not possible.
Can't unring a bell.
288
00:11:12,096 --> 00:11:13,654
It's like when you stand on a rooftop
289
00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,124
and you try to shake out all
the feathers from a pillow...
290
00:11:15,148 --> 00:11:16,721
Yeah, from "Doubt"! From "Doubt."
291
00:11:16,746 --> 00:11:18,124
- You love that movie.
- It's a great movie.
292
00:11:18,148 --> 00:11:19,392
- It's great.
- Okay, guys, guys, guys.
293
00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:21,218
Can we just please find our friend?
294
00:11:21,243 --> 00:11:23,656
All right, everybody...
Everybody down in the hole.
295
00:11:23,681 --> 00:11:25,339
- Yep, everybody.
- Ugh.
296
00:11:25,364 --> 00:11:27,142
Lower yourselves into
the hole in the ground.
297
00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:28,968
He'll be somewhere in there.
298
00:11:31,872 --> 00:11:33,383
All right, um, why don't you guys
299
00:11:33,408 --> 00:11:35,315
check down this tunnel here
and I'm gonna look down here.
300
00:11:35,339 --> 00:11:37,241
All right? Here we go.
301
00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:38,983
Victor!
302
00:11:39,008 --> 00:11:41,108
- Victor!
- Victor?
303
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:42,735
- Vic?
- Yo, Vic!
304
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,905
- Victor?
- Hmm.
305
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,840
Tony don't tango with tunnels.
306
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:50,042
Uh, I'm gonna stay here and
sing every once in a while.
307
00:11:50,075 --> 00:11:52,745
It'll be like vocal bread crumbs.
308
00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:57,237
Victor!
309
00:11:57,262 --> 00:12:00,266
? Lay a whisper ?
310
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,622
? On my pillow ?
311
00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:06,359
- Victor?
- ? Leave the winter ?
312
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,761
- Victor?
- This is disgusting.
313
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:10,597
- Victor?
- ? On the ground ?
314
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,366
- Victor?
- ? I wake up lonely ?
315
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,900
- Victor?
- Victor?
316
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,903
? The air of silence ?
317
00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:19,905
- ? In the bedroom ?
- Victor? Victor?
318
00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:22,900
? And all around ?
319
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,878
This can't be.
320
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,112
This is crazy.
321
00:12:30,949 --> 00:12:33,619
There's the doll heads.
322
00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:35,755
No, no, no, no, no, no.
323
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:38,958
Oh, no, Ralph. Not this, not these.
324
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,961
Helen! Helen!
325
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:44,530
Hey, gals! What's up, what's up?
326
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,466
Let me hear you now.
327
00:12:46,498 --> 00:12:48,534
Just the ladies. And scream!
328
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,437
- Okay, hey!
- Hey!
329
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:55,174
Helen, we've made a major
breakthrough in the case.
330
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,292
Mm-hmm. Dale told us
that the Sugar Daddy
331
00:12:57,317 --> 00:12:59,370
has been doing this for eight years.
332
00:12:59,395 --> 00:13:00,602
It can't be a student.
333
00:13:00,627 --> 00:13:02,362
It's someone we work with!
334
00:13:02,387 --> 00:13:03,440
No, I don't think so.
335
00:13:03,465 --> 00:13:04,834
Oh, come on. Open your eyes.
336
00:13:04,859 --> 00:13:06,527
I mean, it makes perfect sense.
337
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:09,538
The criminal's always some
sad, middle-aged man in khakis
338
00:13:09,563 --> 00:13:11,165
you would never expect.
339
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:13,459
No. I think it's a student.
340
00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:17,196
Uh, what is that 22 year
old Sophomore's name, Lucas?
341
00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:18,798
Helen, it's not Lucas.
342
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,801
But we're going to
find out who it is soon.
343
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,935
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
344
00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:30,761
Oh, Ralph, you just got
these candies in here
345
00:13:30,786 --> 00:13:33,189
because you confiscated them, right?
346
00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:37,754
This can't be. This can't be.
347
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:41,280
I have such doubts!
348
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,424
Victor!
349
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,163
Vic... hey. Vic.
350
00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:52,198
Hey, man, what the hell?
351
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,732
Are you okay?
352
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:54,833
Like you care.
353
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:58,472
All you care about it
making love to pretty women.
354
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:04,977
All right.
355
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,100
This is lining up with
a lot of my nightmares.
356
00:14:07,125 --> 00:14:08,639
Are my teeth still in my mouth?
357
00:14:08,664 --> 00:14:10,700
I don't know, man. Feel
around with your tongue.
358
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:12,795
Grace, are you sure you
know what you're doing?
359
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,955
Guys, it's just a tunnel.
There's no reason to be afraid.
360
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:18,023
Maybe we'll see the rat king!
361
00:14:18,056 --> 00:14:19,507
Excuse me? A rat what?
362
00:14:19,532 --> 00:14:20,534
The rat king.
363
00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:22,228
It's when a mob of 50 or more rats
364
00:14:22,253 --> 00:14:23,421
get their tails intertwined
365
00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:25,106
and it becomes an angry vicious creature
366
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,086
that starts to understand
the idea of right and wrong.
367
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:28,344
Oh, God.
368
00:14:28,369 --> 00:14:29,404
My glasses!
369
00:14:29,429 --> 00:14:31,212
- I'm so... I'm sorry.
- My glasses.
370
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:32,280
Here, I got them. I got them.
371
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:34,040
I got 'em.
372
00:14:37,959 --> 00:14:39,262
Here you go.
373
00:14:40,985 --> 00:14:42,154
Here you go.
374
00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:46,826
There you go.
375
00:14:46,851 --> 00:14:48,763
Oh, my God! What was that?
376
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:50,178
No, no, no! That... that's the rat king!
377
00:14:50,202 --> 00:14:52,138
- The rat king!
- Rat king?
378
00:14:54,578 --> 00:14:56,272
- Rat king!
- Rat king!
379
00:14:56,297 --> 00:14:58,865
Rat king! Let me see! Let me see!
380
00:14:58,890 --> 00:15:01,425
? It must've been love ?
381
00:15:01,725 --> 00:15:05,062
? But it's over now ?
382
00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:08,073
? It must have been good ?
383
00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:10,276
? But I lost it somehow ?
384
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:11,542
Hell no!
385
00:15:11,567 --> 00:15:13,425
What? We... we can't leave.
386
00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:14,652
Rat king! Rat king!
387
00:15:14,677 --> 00:15:16,769
- But... but Victor.
- Oh, my God, rat king.
388
00:15:16,794 --> 00:15:18,872
I'm gonna stay here and
keep singing for my friend.
389
00:15:18,897 --> 00:15:20,219
Something touched my leg!
390
00:15:20,244 --> 00:15:21,680
Oh, I think I got bit!
391
00:15:22,377 --> 00:15:23,812
That's probably not great.
392
00:15:23,837 --> 00:15:26,076
So what's with the game
of hide and seek, bud?
393
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:29,996
This charade has gone on long enough.
394
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:32,566
I'm not the rebel everyone thinks I am.
395
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,464
I'm not heavy metal.
396
00:15:35,489 --> 00:15:39,305
Santana is really more sort
of smooth Latin American jazz.
397
00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:42,008
My parents are getting a divorce.
398
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:45,679
Oh. I'm sorry to hear that, bud.
399
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,847
So you were, what? Running away.
400
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,117
I just thought that if I
went missing in the sewers,
401
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:56,590
then my parents would both come
and they'd hug and cry and kiss
402
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,959
and then pray I'm not
dead and then kiss again
403
00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:03,195
and it would be just like Epcot in 2015.
404
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,300
Look, uh, I'm gonna tell you something
405
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:10,337
as someone who comes
from divorced parents.
406
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,372
Divorce is great, okay?
407
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,874
I mean they probably hate each other.
408
00:16:14,906 --> 00:16:17,394
- They did say that a lot.
- Yeah.
409
00:16:17,419 --> 00:16:19,154
Yeah, and you probably
think that it's your fault
410
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:22,783
that they're splitting up but it's not.
411
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,627
It is your fault that they
probably stayed together
412
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,086
as long as they did, though.
413
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,164
You know, despite the fact
that you were all miserable.
414
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:31,992
So hey, good news, you're
all about to be much happier.
415
00:16:33,586 --> 00:16:36,222
Yeah, but look, if... if...
416
00:16:36,247 --> 00:16:37,772
if you need to chat about it some more,
417
00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:39,865
come see me after class, all right?
418
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,501
Yeah.
419
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,170
Want to get out of
this disgusting place?
420
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:46,039
Yeah, I really have to pee.
421
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,674
Well, hey, we are in the sewer.
422
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,643
You could just cut out the middleman.
423
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:52,226
- He's here!
- Did you see the rat king?
424
00:16:52,251 --> 00:16:53,515
Sorry, guys.
425
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:55,776
I've been dealing with a lot lately.
426
00:16:55,801 --> 00:16:57,470
But Mr. Griffin and I
427
00:16:57,495 --> 00:16:59,827
are going to have an
ongoing conversation about it
428
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,254
because it's a very
painful thing for me.
429
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:05,659
Okay, hey. All right.
430
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:07,644
Oh, perfect timing.
431
00:17:07,669 --> 00:17:09,294
Now Vic, don't wander off.
432
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,397
Oh!
433
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:14,034
Whoopsie.
434
00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:19,149
Okay.
435
00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:27,236
Hello, Ralph.
436
00:17:27,261 --> 00:17:28,607
Helen, what are...
437
00:17:29,389 --> 00:17:30,524
What are you doing in here?
438
00:17:30,558 --> 00:17:33,927
Ralph Darius Durbin.
439
00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:36,564
I'm gonna ask you something.
440
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:40,935
Just once over and over
again until you tell me.
441
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,409
Are you the Sugar Daddy?
442
00:17:51,912 --> 00:17:53,447
I saw you do it.
443
00:17:55,155 --> 00:17:58,158
You messy son of a gun!
444
00:17:58,284 --> 00:17:59,820
Why, Ralph?
445
00:17:59,852 --> 00:18:02,522
Littering. [BLEEP] littering?
446
00:18:02,556 --> 00:18:04,559
I'll tell you why
because I'm sick of having
447
00:18:04,591 --> 00:18:06,627
to be this perfect person all the time.
448
00:18:06,659 --> 00:18:09,496
Mother Teresa wasn't
perfect. Mr. Rogers had flaws.
449
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:12,833
Even President Trump has
a bit of a sweet tooth.
450
00:18:12,866 --> 00:18:14,435
You lied to me.
451
00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:16,570
I didn't want you
thinking any less of me!
452
00:18:16,604 --> 00:18:18,839
But every now and then,
I had to break a rule too
453
00:18:18,871 --> 00:18:21,541
and I give Dale $20 every time I do it.
454
00:18:21,575 --> 00:18:25,747
Ralph, I would never think less of you.
455
00:18:26,614 --> 00:18:28,616
So what happens now?
456
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,593
Say goodnight to the Sugar Daddy.
457
00:18:42,707 --> 00:18:43,964
Wait a minute.
458
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:45,666
Oh no! Ralph!
459
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:51,538
No!
460
00:18:51,571 --> 00:18:54,541
Don't shoot him!
461
00:18:54,575 --> 00:18:56,544
Don't kill him, please!
462
00:18:56,577 --> 00:19:00,513
Oh, dear God, take me!
463
00:19:01,915 --> 00:19:04,618
- The hell?
- I... I've got to say.
464
00:19:04,652 --> 00:19:06,988
I'm very curious as to
why the ambulances and cops
465
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,755
are actually here.
466
00:19:08,789 --> 00:19:11,025
Guys, guys, I'm fine.
467
00:19:11,058 --> 00:19:13,361
I'm just a little sore.
468
00:19:15,896 --> 00:19:18,965
Okay.
469
00:19:18,999 --> 00:19:21,769
Guys, is all this really necessary?
470
00:19:23,404 --> 00:19:24,638
Hey, I know you.
471
00:19:24,672 --> 00:19:25,949
Aren't you that guy Mr. Whoopsie?
472
00:19:25,973 --> 00:19:27,474
Doctor. Yes.
473
00:19:27,508 --> 00:19:29,277
Jesus, are you okay?
474
00:19:29,310 --> 00:19:30,645
Oh, oh yeah. Why?
475
00:19:30,677 --> 00:19:32,713
The stretcher and stuff.
The news is here.
476
00:19:32,745 --> 00:19:34,348
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
477
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:35,715
I fell deep down into the sewer.
478
00:19:35,749 --> 00:19:37,360
I'm so glad you're here
to see me like this.
479
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:38,761
You're very cute when you're injured.
480
00:19:38,785 --> 00:19:40,787
It's a good thing it happens so often.
481
00:19:40,820 --> 00:19:42,822
Oh, actually, if I'm gonna die,
482
00:19:42,856 --> 00:19:44,834
we should probably French
kiss goodbye, don't you think?
483
00:19:44,858 --> 00:19:47,361
No, thanks. Your lips
were just in a sewer.
484
00:19:52,098 --> 00:19:53,800
In what would be the saddest edition
485
00:19:53,833 --> 00:19:55,368
of "Where Are They Now?",
486
00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:58,234
recent internet
sensation, Doctor Whoopsie
487
00:19:58,259 --> 00:20:00,041
is back to his bumbling antics.
488
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,542
This time, he's fallen into a sewer.
489
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:06,105
The maladroit doofus, who some
claim was a Harvard professor,
490
00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:08,749
was just dragged from
the depths behind me.
491
00:20:08,781 --> 00:20:11,034
Now authorities were
initially called to the scene
492
00:20:11,059 --> 00:20:12,520
for a missing child alert.
493
00:20:12,552 --> 00:20:13,817
That was me!
494
00:20:14,554 --> 00:20:15,989
I was missing.
495
00:20:16,022 --> 00:20:18,559
We have a Channel 24 exclusive here.
496
00:20:18,591 --> 00:20:20,527
This is the missing sewer boy.
497
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,530
What's your name? Are you okay?
498
00:20:22,562 --> 00:20:23,863
I'm Victor,
499
00:20:23,896 --> 00:20:25,765
and to be completely
honest with you, Sandra,
500
00:20:25,799 --> 00:20:27,368
I'm not doing great.
501
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,446
Uh, hey, lipstick, I got
your sound bite right here.
502
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:32,073
It appears another sewer
child is ready to speak.
503
00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:33,973
We never would've
gotten out of that sewer
504
00:20:34,006 --> 00:20:36,710
if it wasn't for our
teacher, Jack Griffin.
505
00:20:36,743 --> 00:20:38,945
He also helped me through
an emotional crisis
506
00:20:38,979 --> 00:20:40,948
and he has generously
offered me further counsel.
507
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,009
Yeah, Mr. Griffin saved us.
508
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:45,929
There's a legit rat king
down there. We saw it, Sandy.
509
00:20:45,954 --> 00:20:48,819
Oh, he dove into the massive
rats without any regard
510
00:20:48,844 --> 00:20:51,202
for himself effortlessly
detangling their tails
511
00:20:51,227 --> 00:20:52,893
and dethroning the rat king!
512
00:20:52,925 --> 00:20:54,729
We all could have gotten rabies,
513
00:20:54,762 --> 00:20:57,464
but instead we got a hero.
514
00:20:59,733 --> 00:21:01,469
Victor?
515
00:21:01,502 --> 00:21:02,736
Play it again.
516
00:21:02,770 --> 00:21:04,137
You got it.
517
00:21:04,171 --> 00:21:06,607
In what would be the saddest edition
518
00:21:06,639 --> 00:21:08,007
of "Where Are They Now?",
519
00:21:08,041 --> 00:21:10,043
recent internet
sensation, Doctor Whoopsie,
520
00:21:10,077 --> 00:21:12,146
is back to his bumbling antics.
521
00:21:12,178 --> 00:21:14,982
The maladroit doofus, who some
claim was a Harvard professor,
522
00:21:15,014 --> 00:21:17,918
was just dragged from
the depths behind me.
523
00:21:17,942 --> 00:21:21,945
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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