Original subtitles

- Hey, I'm Paul Robalino and I'm naked under this robe,

even though they specifically told me not to be.

(upbeat music)

- [Vic] Today, we're giving this comedian

a total transformation.

They have no idea who or what they're about to become.

- Oh my gosh.

- [Vic] Once they see themselves in the mirror,

they'll have to make up a character on the spot

and then sit down with me

for an improvised interview.

- Okay, lunch lady vibes.

- [Vic] This is "Very Important People."

- I feel really weird.

- Open! - Oh my God!

Holy shit, wow.

I should have expected something like this

'cause it's the complete opposite of who I am in real life.

Like this is a guy I would've been scared of

in middle school.

Wait, but I kind of love it.

For some reason, I'm thinking like, cool substitute teacher.

Guys, I don't care if you talk.

Just stay in your chairs.

Get off your phone, please.

Like babysitter, maybe?

Do you want some more chicken nuggets?

Your mom's coming home at 9:30.

You guys here to have a good time?

I'm 21, I just don't have my ID. Can you buy me beer?

I'm 21!

Fuck!

Bleh.

Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh.

(upbeat music)

- We should sit together at lunch.

Normally I got the table and I think we should,

we should sit together, right?

It's like, hang out. Chit chat.

Get to know. Okay.

And so I'll see you there. Okay.

- [Vic and Paul] We all have a story to tell.

And sometimes those stories need to be shared

with the world.

So what's going on here? - Good evening,

I'm Vic Michaelis.

- That's what I say. - I know. I watch the show.

I like it.

- Really? - Yeah.

I watched all of season one.

- And you liked it? - I loved it. I binged it.

- Where'd you watch it - On Dropout.TV.

- Okay.

- Is it available somewhere else?

Because I had to pay money for it.

- Well, that money,

sort of like a percentage of that gets to me.

- I was gonna report it as fraud.

- You're gonna report my?

- Well, the $6 that I paid, just 'cause, I just wanted to

watch the show. - That's kind of fun. I should maybe try that.

- Literally, they don't even really check.

- Is that true?

- It works every time I try it.

- What if you get audited?

- It hasn't happened to me.

- Okay, so maybe let's write that down.

Report some of this stuff as stolen.

I'm gonna just finish the intro. Okay?

- I can do it for you. - Could you?

- Back with another edition of "Very Important People."

Please introduce yourself.

That's what you could say to me.

- Thank you. Yeah.

So I'll, so, please introduce yourself.

- First name, Skyler. Last name, DeMarco.

- Now Skyler, I noticed you sort of appeared

in our schedule today. - I'm so sorry.

I did not realize I was wearing these.

I feel really rude.

- Skyler. - I won a sweepstakes.

- Oh!

Our 'Be a Guest' sweepstakes.

- Yeah. All I know is I was eating a yogurt.

I opened it up. It said, "You win."

- Okay. I didn't realize that anybody got that yogurt.

We made like four yogurts

and we sort of sprinkled them across America.

- Didn't even know it was going on.

I was not intentionally trying to win the contest

or anything, but.

- But you won nonetheless. - I won.

- And you did your homework

and you watched the show and now you're here.

- $6. - $6, and thank you for that.

We so appreciate that.

Skyler, what do you do?

- I hack the government.

- You hack the government?

- Yeah. I'm a computer hacker.

- Oh, that's very exciting. Okay.

We should be running more of these sweepstakes.

This was very exciting.

Honestly, by happen chance, we have maybe one

of the most exciting guests we've ever had.

A computer hacker.

- Actually, can I be honest? - Yes.

- But I was able to hack your system

and I knew exactly where the winning yogurt was.

- Okay.

- Ah. - Ah.

(Vic and Skyler laugh)

- Ah. - Sorry, that seemed fun,

and I wanted to try it

and it felt maybe wrong in my mouth.

- Ah. - Eh.

- Ah. - Ah.

- Yeah. - So-

- Ah. - Okay. Oh, fun.

(Skyler grunting)

You brought your own camera guy.

Hey, bring it in. My turn.

My turn. Ready?

Uh. (record scratches)

Uh. (laughs)

How's that one?

- Maybe if I watch the video, it'll be cool,

but just me looking at you from this angle, it wasn't cool.

- We'll play it back.

I'm sure it plays sort of in a close,

in a closeup. - Yeah.

- First time in Hollywood.

- First time

out of the town that I'm from, which I'm not gonna say.

- First time out of the town that you're from.

- Yeah. Pretty much don't leave my house.

Like I'm a hacker, so.

- Is it just you in your house?

- No, I live in a hacker house.

So there's like, it's like 16 of us,

all just hacking away all day.

- That is incredibly exciting.

Now I would love to learn a little bit more about

what you're hacking specifically.

- You name it, I've hacked it.

Google. - One.

- Apple. - Two.

- Yahoo. - Three.

- MSNBC. - Huge.

Okay. That's actually great.

What did you- - HBO.

- Okay. Five. - Every fast food chain.

- Every fast food chain? - I've hacked it.

- What do you hack at a fast food chain?

- I'm able to access the mainframe.

- Right.

- Look at the internal systems and files.

- Okay, well I'd love to learn a little bit more.

What are you doing once you get in there?

- If you're having an app,

you're seeing everything they want you to see.

- Sure.

- I'm looking at what they don't want you to see.

- Right, no, I'm not questioning that you see all of it,

I'm wondering what you do with it once you're there.

(Paul laughs) Right. (laughs)

Can I ask you a question before we get

into the specifics of this?

How did you get into hacking in the first place?

- Yeah, no one's ever asked me that before.

- And that's why you come on this show.

- When I was a little kid, basically all I wanted

to do was solve injustice in the world.

- Wow.

- There's a lot of injustice in the world.

- Well, yeah, that's very true.

I'm on this show and not on a network show. So.

- And I thought, what's a good way to do that,

that utilizes the qualities that I have?

And those qualities are fast typing.

- Right. - A strong sense of curiosity.

- I thought of another injustice.

- What's that?

- The fact that we got these two cameras.

I keep trying to get this one fired.

He's just got a weird angle on my head

and I'm like, "We don't need it.

We can just do this one and that one."

- Wait, but that's my camera.

- Well then we catch you here. - In the wide?

- And he's doing it on purpose.

Look at that.

Shit eating grin.

Just like is so happy to be catching the back of my head.

- I'm so- - You're not gonna trick me.

So that's another injustice.

- He looks like you really, like, hurt his feelings.

- Now, Skyler, you don't just hack.

And we know this because we looked you up

and one of the things that popped up was a fun YouTube video

of you doing sort of a Beastie Boys style rap

about all of your fun hacks.

- You know what's funny is I actually hacked

into the mainframe and I took the video off your file.

So we don't actually see anything on the monitor.

- No, we found it.

We absolutely found it.

It's you doing a Beastie Boys style rap,

but a little bit worse of you talking about all

of your favorite- - No, it's just saying,

"404 error," it's a glitch. - Computer things.

I think yes and it is there, if I'm looking at it correctly.

- Just move on to the next question.

- Let's just give it a quick peek. Three, two, one.

? Here we go, here we go ?

? Here we go, hey ?

? Yo, yo, yo, ah ?

? Beastie Boys Skyler, here I come ?

? Acting dumb, ba da bum ?

? In your face ?

? Total disgrace ?

? Ah ?

- Now that was clever and witty.

- Cooper Cam, get in here. - Okay, so.

- This is crazy. - Feel like you're gonna want

one of me too.

This is is crazy.

- Ah.

- And then for me. Ah. - Okay, Cooper Cam is for me.

You have like 300 cameras here.

- Well, it's just one of those things where,

if this is going on a vlog,

I wanna make sure that I'm on the vlog.

So here we go.

Rapid fire questions.

- Oh, I love this part of the show.

I bet I know what the last one is.

- Yeah, okay.

Thank you for watching.

Least favorite holiday?

- Valentine's Day.

- Why? - I've never had a Valentine.

- Not even in school when they have everybody give out

Valentine's Day cards to everybody?

- Receiving one of those Looney Tunes cards isn't the same

as having a special someone on that day.

- Is there somebody that you wish

would be your special someone?

- Yeah. - Who?

- Kelly Rowland. - Well,

good luck.

Who do you live with?

I think I know the answer to this one.

- I already answered this question.

You could have taken that out of the list of questions.

- Okay.

Noted and note received. - I wanted to give

their names, I could give a little shout out.

- Let's get the name of the hackers in the hacker house.

- Cooper Cam, get in here. - Okay, so.

- Shout out guys, everybody in the hacker house.

Derek, Anthony, Christian, Mia, Devin,

Andrew, Nicole, Python, Rock, Lizard, Toby.

- Python and Lizard?

- Yeah, it's not that weird.

- Okay, sorry. Just curious.

- Angela, Rebecca, and Tony. Shout out to you guys.

I would be nothing without you.

Shout out, ah.

- Last but not least, a question I ask each

and every one of my guests.

What is the meaning of life?

- Life is an acronym.

L-I-F-E.

That's how I like to think of it, at least.

It stands for learning.

- Right.

- Introspection.

Family.

- So E? - And excitement.

And that's the meaning of life.

- Learning, introspection, family, excitement.

- At the end of the day, I'm just a simple guy.

I like to hack. I like to learn.

I like to introspect.

I like to have family and I like to have excitement.

- Right. - And most of all,

I like to observe, but the O doesn't really mean,

that wasn't good for the acronym.

- Loife.

Speaking of loife, we heard that you brought some

of your hacking equipment

and we're prepared to show us a little demonstration today.

What do we think? - I'd love to.

- I think that's pretty exciting. Okay, one person.

And so PA, see if we can go ahead

and fly in that hacking equipment.

- Ah. - Okay. Not, no, not you.

Ah. For you, Jackie.

- All right, well thanks, Vic.

This is the perfect setup.

I'm gonna show you a demonstration basically

on how I hack.

- Okay. - Can I get my Cooper Cam?

- So like, okay.

And then so- - Guys, we're about to hack.

Ah! - I wanna be in that.

So. - Uh.

- Ah. - And you can

take your actual, your seat actually.

- Okay, well, you're just gonna be in the shot.

- All right, so I'm gonna do some simple hacks here.

- Maybe something in the studio. How about that?

- Definitely something in the studio.

- Okay. - You're gonna be able

to see my hacks in real time.

Look how much I can take control.

See this camera right here?

It's gonna go off in three, two.

- Like that. - Look at that.

- Bye. - It is off.

This one over here,

it's gonna have a purple tint. - No, not that one.

- In three, two.

- So my camera. - Check it out.

Vic, how do you like yourself in purple?

You got the live feed right there.

You like that? - How about airbrush?

How about me in airbrush?

- This one's back on. - Great. Go

- Vic, you want me to show you what I found

in your personal computer?

- Oh, no, no.

Mm mm, nah. - Check it out.

- Okay. Just so that's-

How'd you get all those alumni emails?

I'm sort of arguing with the alumni board

'cause they sort of had a list

of notable alumni and I was missing.

- Well actually Vic, you want me

to go into the alumni page of your school's Wikipedia

and add you?.

It's pretty easy. - No.

- Check it out. - Don't.

- [Skyler] What should I say for your bio?

Host and- - Website award winner.

- You won. - A website.

- It's a website award - People's Voice.

- And there we go.

- You have to write People's Voice

- Parentheses. - Legally,

you have to write People's Voice.

- Legally - Don't write legally,

but you do legally have

to write People's Voice. - Have to write.

- [Vic] Okay.

- How was that for some hacks? - I mean,

that's an amazing hack. - How about if we do something

a little bit bigger, you hungry?

- Ah, yeah. I can eat - Everybody here.

You guys hungry? - What do we think?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- I know that there's a sandwich shop down the street.

Samson's. - Oh yes. Samson's.

They're so mean to me every time I go in there.

I say, "Can I have a sandwich and a smile?"

And they hand me a sandwich and they're not smiling.

- You can't really demand that of people.

- There's not a demand. It's sort of like, "Smile.

You'd be prettier if you smiled," right?

- Well now that I know you're not supposed to say.

- Well, it's to a man, so I think it's fine, right?

Right? - Moving on.

I think we can actually just look at, okay,

so this is their website now, right, that's the place?

- The man is old.

He's a pretty old guy. - I'm hacking into their

mainframe as we speak.

That's their menu, right?

- Yeah, that's their menu. - You impressed?

- That you found the menu?

I could find the menu,

I think, on the website. - Well that's the back end,

that's not the main page of their menu.

That's the backend. - Right, it just looks worse.

I would say there's just sort

of no photographs. - It's a different font.

There's no photos.

But here I can actually alter the menu if you wanted.

You want me to put something funny in there, or?

- I guess if you feel like it.

- Do you want me to name a sandwich after you?

- I guess if you're in there already,

might as well name a sandwich after me.

- And there you go. - Okay. Wow, delicious.

- [Skyler] Isn't it kind of funny? It's-

- Bread and lettuce. - I wouldn't order it.

It doesn't look that good

to be totally honest. - It's bread and lettuce

with a little bit of mayonnaise.

- That was kind of it for my demonstration that I planned.

But if there's any special requests you have?

- Why don't you hack something, something fun for yourself?

What do you like hacking?

- I told you at the top of the show

that I'd been hacking the government.

- Sure. - And I'm really close

to uncovering something big.

- Really? - Yeah.

I can give it a shot now if you want.

It's really risky.

This is technically a federal crime.

So. - Right, so.

- We're all gonna be implicated.

- Probably not. No, I think. - But the good thing is that,

this doesn't air live.

So by the time this airs and the feds come after us,

we'll be long gone.

- Well we'll be here. - Okay,

so this is basically the White House backend.

- Okay, so.

Maybe we cut the interview. - So this is literally

the president's desktop right now.

Now usually, I just kinda like

to poke around 'cause I'm curious.

- So, maybe. - These are just some cute

selfies and stuff. - I think we've seen it.

So sort of, we poked around.

Maybe we've seen it. - Oh my God. Hold on.

Holy shit, I need Cooper Cam.

This is serious, y'all.

I just uncovered something really,

really serious. - What? What did you uncover?

- Look at that. Look at this folder.

It's marked, "Extremely private, top secret.

Do not open unless you work for the government."

- So we should probably leave. - We can open it right now.

- Right, okay, so. - Holy moly.

I'm in. - Okay, so,

maybe not, not this.

So just.

Oh.

- I've never gotten this far before.

- You've never gotten this far before?

- Cooper Cam, you should step away for this. Ah.

- Okay. That.

- And this folder here is called Watergate Two?

- Part Deux?

(soft suspense music)

- Holy shit! - Okay. Okay.

So I think maybe we just like, okay,

so I think that. - Oh my God, I did it.

Wait. This is bad actually. - Yeah,

that is not great. - This is really bad.

- So that is not great.

- This is not good. - So, here's what we're

gonna do, we're just gonna- - Oh my God.

- Start going. - This is like,

oh my God. - I'm gonna go like that.

- This is death penalty. We're not, this is bad.

- What do you mean it's death penalty?

- We have to leave now.

- Okay. - Book a flight.

What are the non extradition countries?

Pack this, pack this. - What are the non

extradition countries? - Yes.

Where are we safe to go?

- I don't know, Skyler,

where are the non extradition countries?

- Aruba, I think. Hold on. - Oh my God.

- Can people help? - I'm gonna have to live

in the hacker house! - Please?

We're all going to prison. You don't understand.

- We didn't do this and we don't know.

- We are all implicated in this.

- I don't think we are. - I don't even need this.

Oh my God. We have to get on the flight now, ah.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

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