Original subtitles

The Ashley Swan Memorial Trust

was created to preserve the memory of Ashley Swan

to honor her legacy

and to compensate the members of her family

for their loss the trust owns all copyrights

and trademarks related to Miss Swan

and all rights to her image and likeness

the footage which you are about to see

was compiled from a variety of sources

including footage captured from filmmakers

Thomas Grayson Danny Wilson and Miss Swan herself

the footage was used during the criminal trial

Mr Grayson

resulting in his conviction for the murder of Miss Swan

after the trial the District Attorney's Office

tried to block the release of the footage

arguing that it should remain in government custody

however the court held

that the footage should be released to the trust

to serve his restitution to Miss Swan's family

Trust received a number of competitive offers

for the distribution rights to the footage

but ultimately entered into an exclusive arrangement

with award winning Austrian documentary filmmaker

Jonas Wulsitz

Mr Wulsitz's prior work on Jack the Ripper

Jeffrey Dahmer and Joseph Fritzl

make him a natural selection for this film

Ashley herself was a big fan of Mr Walsh's work

and it's therefore uniquely appropriate

that he put her final days in their proper context

I'm in production office of underground horror film

director Thomas Grayson

he is the director of such cult classics that has

runs with fear and saw when

so tell me Tom

what makes a good horror movie

well in my opinion

a good horror movie works

because it contains the same elements as horror

literature atmosphere

the uncanny obscurity psychological elements

and not the generic shocks that

most of the public

has come to associate with horror films

you mean like naked chicks running through the woods

being chased by some deranged psychopath

precisely uh

horror audiences don't even find that kind of thing

scary anymore because they're too busy

acknowledging their own familiarity with that scenario

in fact nowadays

most audiences don't even know what they're missing

because they've been trained to rely more on shocking

visceral elements rather than on a good story

like what visceral elements

well uh

the bad language penis jokes

and goofy sound effects that drive most comedies

Gore and nudity

that you have in most horror movies nowadays

and even any movie with a big explosion in it

those are few of my favourite things

maybe so

but they should not substitute for a good story

well if there's no good story

then shouldn't there be like Giant Big Water Mill

if there's not a good story

then they shouldn't be making the movie

so uh

what's your next project gonna be it's a horror movie

so I'm guessing it's not gonna have monsters

and aliens and titties that is correct

well what will it have in it

what will it have in it it will have a good story

I thought you said you were shooting a

horror movie the two are not mutually exclusive

you sure use a lot of big words

yes

what suit is that you sure ask a lot of questions

don't you yes

touche

next month

I don't think so

anything comes up give me a call

uh listen Barry

uh Danny

Danny right

um I really have to get going now

well can we continue this interview later

uh you're gonna have to ask my agent about that

I guess that's fancy director speak for fuck off

my name is Ashley Swan

and I'll be reading for the part of Laura

you wanna go to Larry's house

yeah why

what's wrong with that well

I thought you didn't like Larry

of course I like Larry

last week you said he was a bad influence on me

I don't remember saying that

well you did

ugh you must have misunderstood me

I would never say that about one of your friends

so why do you wanna go to his house all of a sudden

Malcolm why do I need a reason

I just wanna go see one of your friends

oh well

if you want to see one of my

why do you want to see one of my friends

I your friend too

now

can we just go please

I don't know something doesn't feel right

yeah no kidding

you're being a jerk I'm not being a jerk

yes you are

I just wanna know why you're behaving so strangely I

just think we should go see Larry

that's all well

tell you what

why don't I call him up and invite him over

no I wanna go to his place

what does it matter

if we go to his place or if he comes here

it matters because it matters

well then I think you should just go

I'm gonna wait right here

no we have to go see Larry now

woo alright

ha ha very good

yeah very good job thanks

okay um

for the next part of the audition uh

we'd like to ask you

if there's anything that you would like to tell us

or show us something to help us remember you

apart from the reading that you've just given us

you mean like a monologue

yeah uh

or uh

maybe a personal story or a joke

something like that okay

I have a personal story alright

do you ever see the film Demons Hollow hmm no

well

there was this one scene I had to do with my co star

Sally Green we were both completely naked

except for this gray stringy stuff

that was supposed to be like this giant spider web

is that something yeah

yeah well anyway

we were basically naked in that stuff all day huh

sounds like you regretted signing up for that project

no it was actually really fun

except for when the film actually came out

they cut out our scene for no reason

well there was probably

a good reason it'll probably be on the DVD extras

I don't know but that's my story

and I hope it helps you to remember me

I'm sure it will

okay well um

thanks for coming in and reading for us

uh we'll be making our decisions at the end of the week

and then we'll

be giving a call to the people that we like to see

again I hope you wanna see me again

I'm sure you do

thank you for coming in Ashley thanks

bye bye

bye bye

what did you think of her

oh she's not what I had in mind

what about her acting it wasn't bad

I thought she was really good and she's not bad looking

alright fine

put her on the callback list

uh what do we have left

four more Laura's three Malcoms and two Georges

uh bring in the next one please

Samantha Winters yep

that's me we're ready for you

hi it's late for the camera please

um okay

so I'm Samantha Winters and um

I'm gonna be reading for the role of Laura today

uh do I need to see

to say my agent's name

I don't think that will be necessary

um okay

oh yes

there we go

here

we have the official crew of the new Tom Grayson film

we got Luke Rhodes

DP and this gal over here is Lenny Goodman

1st ad

and that guy

you must be the on set fluffer

I don't know and I shall be one of them soon yes

I shall

yeah but is it gonna look real sure

how's it gonna flicker

I'm gonna move my hand in front of it like this

so what's the first shot

there

Danny you know

I thought you might want some footage for the DVD

you know the kids want to know

oh hey Norton Covax sound

how did you find out we're gonna be shooting here

a little birdie told me and what is this birdie's name

Gus

will you do me a favor and tell Gus

he's a big fat asshole

sure love to

so can I stay

pretty please

I need you to come over here a minute please

okay

see that guy with the camera

he's gonna be documenting the production

hi

hi

you uh wanna introduce yourself

I'm the first a D my name is Lenny Goodman

no jokes about my name please

what are you talking about

Lenny Goodman Benny Goodman

you know

no

never mind Lenny

gotta go

oh I won't forget to send you your card

percentage whatever you wanna call it

I mean it's not like you'd let me forget is it

of course I love you

look I have to get back to set

okay alright

I'll talk to you later bye

God this is weird

wow obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl

who are you

Danny and what do you want

I'm shooting behind the scenes footage

you know for the DVD

you got anything that you wanna say to the kids at home

yeah watch out for perverts with video cameras

I'm not a pervert I'm just admiring your assets

I really hope you're not getting paid to be a retard

I do that on a volunteer basis

good

well it was nice to meet you

are you gonna go now

just do it the way I told you to okay

so what exactly is the budget on this movie

well let me put it to you this way

we can't afford to shoot in a studio

so we are using a sandpaper factory

is there anything in the budget for a documentary

nope

well in that case

are you prepared to offer

me a percentage of the profits

no

well is there anything you can offer me

there's craft services right over there

do you offer a vegetarian option

don't bust my balls

just trying to light the mood around here dude

well no one's asking you to dude

well who has to

turn the camera off Danny

yes sir

of course they'll probably cut this out

because it doesn't go along with Mr

Director's wholesome attitude about entertainment and

this psychological

no Gore no titties school of horror filmmaking

Tom's fucked

I know there's a magician in there just

waiting to get out

what was the scariest thing that ever happened to you

the scariest thing

that's easy

I was fourteen

one night

my parents were out of the house and I was all alone

I was taking a shower when

shut up

anyway

I was taking a shower when I heard the front door slam

no big deal

I thought it's probably just my parents came home early

you know

so I finished taking my shower and I toweled off

all the while I could hear

so I wrapped a towel around myself

and I opened the bathroom door

I yelled down for my parents

thinking that they would be there but

they never answered

don't make that face shut up

ha ha Joe

when our fellow players are in character

and the camera is rolling

we don't make funny faces

I I know I didn't yes

you did you went like

okay that is just a lie okay

it was okay it was more like

like yeah

yeah great

um

alright well uh

whenever you guys are ready

to stop acting like children

I would love to get back to work

look I

I can't speak for everybody here

but uh I'm

I'm ready to work good yeah

let's do this Ashley are you ready

roll sound speeding marker

please roll camera camera rolling C12

take six soft sticks

you going down Joe

shoot it ready

action away from me I'm not gonna hurt you

then go away I can't why

because I love you yeah

sure is that why you made me mess up my scene

clever girl shut up

why don't you come make me I wanna cut you

I am having too much fun yeah

that's your problem you're having way too much fun

what's now

it's wrong to wanna have fun when it's at my expenses

okay then why don't you laugh with me

oh it's too late for that

you've already messed up my scene

so now I owe you one you you owe me one mhm

I like the sound of that

you're an asshole and that's exactly why you love me

oh I do yeah

oh what does this button do

I saw that coming

what okay

ha ha

that's my boyfriend

oh my God oh

mercy me what have I done

oh shit

I think you just doubled the budget for this though

ha ha I'm sorry

let me get that for you

kind of funny though yeah

I swear to God

there's something seriously wrong with you

you're a lousy irresponsible puss head of an actor

you don't think straight you don't act straight

you just go along on your merry little way

LA LA LA like you're something special

you do whatever you want to whomever you want

without a care in the world

for the consequences of your actions

and I don't have the time

or the patience to deal with actors who need special

attention just do your job

be professional about it and stay out of my fucking way

yes sir

talk to me Joe what happened

I got fired no shit

yeah um

apparently

the wardrobe is more important than the actors

the people are expendable

Tom fired you for ruining the wardrobe

pretty much now Joe

are you telling us the whole truth

alright he said I was messing around too much

he said I was wasting too much of his time

uh huh so what where are you

what's the problem

it's gonna be hard to do the scene without Joe look

the guy was wasting our time

and he was making me look like an idiot

but I couldn't no

no no

no no

there is no but that guy was a doofus

and you're better off without him

so could you please just accept that

so we can continue working

yes

look

sweetheart

trust me I know what I'm doing

I'm gonna be a big star

alright then just have a little faith in me

I know you can do this without Joe

okay let's do it

alright daddy girl

do you need to take a break or anything

or could we just go no

I'll just go okay good

okay ready

okay Emma speed

not you again I'm just gonna talk

well then you don't need to be filming me do you

you too

what do you mean

Tom won't let me shoot whatever I want either

oh boohoo

I told you I didn't want you to be filming me didn't I

don't let me shoot him

okay you can shoot

me

okay

you're supposed to ask me some questions or something

I can't think of any good ones

it's gonna catch you in your natural state

natural state

uh huh

well there must be something wrong with your camera

cause I don't feel very hot right now

oh no you're hot already

and they're not talking about your physical prowess

I think you have a beautiful soul

really

really

I don't think Tom knows just how beautiful you can be

hmm

he's giving us a project

hmm

and here we go I um

I thought you said you didn't have a problem uh before

when did you change your mind

hmm

I changed my mind right after you gave me the part

please tell me you're joking

hmm

I'm not joking

Ashley

if it's such a big deal for you

why don't you just get a body double

a body double it's not even a nude scene

it's just your back

you're still asking me to take my shirt off

yes but no one's even gonna see your chest no

but why

I guess I just don't trust you

you don't trust me

why don't you trust me

I don't know it's just a feeling I get

and I have to be honest with myself

I I don't believe this

where is all this coming from

Danny could you do me a favor and not film right now

you're the boss

I'm sorry I told you to stop filming before

no problem it's just a private moment

you know evidently

say Danny

what's up

have you noticed anybody talking with Ashley lately

what do you mean

I mean like

maybe putting notions in her head

about her performance can you be more specific

she won't take her shirt off

and this has what to do with the movie

well there's an implied nude scene

I thought you didn't need nudity to tell a good story

I don't so what's the problem

well the problem is there's an implied nude scene

and when I first gave her the role

she gave me the impression that

she didn't even have a problem doing

full frontal yeah

no kidding did you see Demon's Halo

no

it's not really my type of movie

it was awesome

jolly good yeah

so anyway

do you have any idea why she may have changed her mind

it must be because hey

why is implied nudity okay and not full frontal

because it tantalizes the senses

people tend to want what they can't have

then why are porno so popular

because some people have no imagination

or they just like boobies

yeah

so

is there what are you doing I gotta go pee

well if you gotta go you gotta go see ya

you have to find something

curtains curtains

like 50 times the guy never fucking remembers his lines

nah nah

it's okay alright

I'll talk to you later

bye

did I miss something what

do you mean

you seem to be in a very chipper mood this morning

oh I am

are we back on schedule no

not even close

and what are you gonna do about the Ashley's employ

looting I'm going to cut it out you are

wow the only new scene in the entire movie

and you're cutting it out

how can you do that

I can do anything I want I'm the director

good morning

hi

so what's this I hear about you not showing your back

well let's just say

this project suddenly got a lot less important to me

so you're sacrificing springtime

I wasn't counting on that

but it's an unfortunate side effect

but we're still cool right

totally cool

somebody was just screaming

oh shit damn

what's going on is it Ashley

not now Danny

oh come on

Danny I swear

if you don't get that goddamn camera out of here it is

actually I've got some insider information for you

what are you talking about

she's the one that fucked up Joe's wardrobe

what it was an accident

and she's really guilty about getting Joe fired

what does this have to do about

all the stuff that she's been pulling off

also she has no problem taking your shirt off

this is just an unfortunate side effect

for getting Joe fired

you gotta be kidding me

all this is because of that douchebag huh

apparently a well liked douchebag

are you sure

how do you

know that I am the eyes and ears of this institution

my friend

and you're just telling me that now

thanks

go home Danny

portrait of a man behind a wall

the bricks of this wall have only just begun to tumble

and very shortly

the entire wall will come crashing down

and he will find himself completely exposed

to the Twilight Zone

scene 8 in which Ashley continues to bust Tom's balls

do you think so

she doesn't think so she doesn't think so

why are you doing this to me

can we just finish the film

no

not until you stop changing the dialogue

I think we should do it my way

that's not a call I'm the main character

yes you are

you're a character

I am a writer and I'm directing the character

and your job

as an actor is to do what the director tells you to do

I don't think so well I do

I'll go get her no

don't bother

just not worth this

um let's just uh

shoot something else um

I think we can maybe uh

what else we gonna shoot with this setup

nothing that was our last shot

and for anything else we would need a whole new setup

well then I'm going to go home

you sure yep

that's right people alright

alright let's go

alright alright let's go

leave me alone

no

I'm going to go home

sit there and feel sorry for myself

I got a better idea

you can't compete with that

maybe I can

I got a surprise for you you mean you can buy anything

surprise what's surprise

well if I told you

then it wouldn't be much of a surprise now would it

I don't know oh

come on this is for you dude

hello Ashley

how are you doing

it's me from the film shoot

you know Danny

I'm good

I've got to talk with you man can you come outside

I'm in my car just outside your place

I've got something to show you

okay I'm here

come on in

what's the surprise

it's in the other room

why is this camera on

it's an experiment an experiment

sit down

I want you to watch something

this isn't porn is it just watch

I'm in my car just outside your place

got something to show you

come here I wanna show you something

there's more

don't worry she can't hear you

she's got my nephew's Dinosaur rapsody on repeat

is this a joke

this is a joke

you son of a

it's not a joke nope

we'll be right back

you want a beer

no GD

you're crazy no

I'm not look

I have a plan

all I wanna do is scare her and we'll let her go

yes

if we really scare and we tape it

then

we can tell her that her performance was phenomenal

which it will be

then she'll go along with it

no

no what

no it won't work or no

you won't go along with it

this is not a game

you have got a girl tied up in your garage

do you know what happens to people like you

they go to prison

and then they get romanced in a very unpleasant way

why do you always have to be a whiny bitch

we're just making a movie

this is not a movie not yet

we're gonna retire in like five minutes

oh we are

yes I don't wanna go to prison

I'm afraid you might be a little late for that

five minutes is all we'll need

5 minutes

5 minutes for what

a performance of a lifetime

shit this is crazy

okay

I'm counting down 5 minutes

pick that up

why you already have a camera on her

that's just for the master

give me some really good plus UPS

now shoot

you have 4 minutes and 45 seconds left

oh

you gotta try this no

I don't okay

you're never gonna get another opportunity like this

you have four minutes left

knock that off look

just try to enjoy the moment

we have a beautiful girl tied up here

she's blindfolded and gagged

she can't bitch at you

she can't refuse to do a blindfolded nudity

and she can't laugh during the middle of the take

unless of course she wanted to

please remind me why we're doing this

it's hardcore if you don't walk the ledge

once in a while you don't live

what about her life

taking one for the team

what was that catapult dude

are you crazy that could seriously hurt her

oh my God

this is too much okay

fuck this this is

show's over man

show's over oh

then I've got a better idea

take this off dear

hey get away from the table

fuck that drop the rope away from the table

what's going on we're raising the stakes why

because you always puss out when things get interesting

I do not yes

you do you do when I'm interviewing you

you do when you're making movies

this is about my movies

well I have a terrific suggestion for you

why don't you make your own damn movie

and that way you can make it any way you like

I never thought of that Danny Thomas please let us go

not yet

how far is this gonna go

you're about to find out

come on Tom

pick it up

go on you can do it

I pointed at her

now show her

easy now easy

ha ha there we are

look at that the real emotion right there in the eyes

he tells everything we need to know

I'm sorry I don't wanna do this

I think

this building needs some nudity

no no

no

there we go

I'll take this over and apply nudity any day

they were worth the wait weren't they

go to hell

watch this

this is one of those precious moments

just has to be caught on camera

oh

no no

no no

no no no

wow that is some great action

I can't do this

pick up the camera Tom or I'll cut her throat

I I pick it up Tom I can't do this

I can't I can't do this

shoot

you ever play this little piggy

no no please

no

no

no

alright

this little piggy went to market

this little piggy stayed home

and this little piggy went

limp did she pass out or something

we'll have to fix that

getting funny ideas now Mr Director

looks so peaceful now doesn't she

fix that

you have a nice nap there dear

I hope so

it's time to get back to business Yeehaw

I didn't give you permission to take a nap

so now I'm gonna have to punish you

please

I'm gonna have to cut off those little piggies

please

no hey

now stop messing around here

I'm gonna cut off the whole foot

you want that

hmm

okay that's better

she's in shock

how about some anti freeze hmm

you wanna talk about it

I guess that's a no

I'm gonna go clean her up

I'll be back in a few minutes

and we can talk about the ineffectiveness of subtlety

and horror filmmaking

hello Danny

I'd like to talk to you about pushing the limits

you know something

I've got a great idea

I think you're really gonna like it

hmm it's really hardcore hmm

let's talk about

let's talk about subtlety in horror filmmaking Danny

I think that

what makes a good horror moment

is not the actual doing

it's the anticipation

oh this this was a good one

I I really like this one

yeah

yeah

no it's it's not really my style here

I think I should do something

oh no oh no

oh no

oh no I don't know

I'm sorry Danny

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut the interview short

here

if you want to continue it

you have to call my agents and arrange something

it was not real

leave me alone leave me

boo oh

man you scare me

you are awesome thanks

it is too bad I'm gonna have to cut you up now hey

you said I could do it I said I think about it

come on I can do it

no I don't want you to hurt yourself

are you kidding me

fine

here you go

got it

awesome

I am keeping these

that's cool I can make more

ha ha cool

so how was it making it work out my way

as opposed to cons it's a little different

so was it worth it

this tape will be worth it if it makes me famous

uh huh

Alrighty

well that is a wrap for today

I'll give you a call and we can watch some football

sweet

um

Waylon

yeah

Waylon

what

uh this isn't working

why what's the problem

should I cut uh yeah

camera

speed and ready whaling

ready

hold hold it a second

hold it should he cut it Tom

um yeah I'll cut

action

did he turn it action

Waylon

uh

we need to talk sure

what's up um

this is this is this isn't gonna work what

why not I'm

I'm not seeing what I want what

why don't you just tell me what you want

because I don't know I

I don't know what I want just tell us what you need Tom

we'll get it for you

what are you laughing at uh

does anybody realize yep

I do okay

Tom it's Ashley

I just went to Danny's house and well

I guess our joke wasn't very good

did you um

I I need to talk to you

I need to go to Ashley's house what

he said he needs to go to Ashley's

you need to go to Ashley's

yeah

why don't I call Ashley again

and see if she's answering yet

no I need to go uh

well what about my scene

I'm sorry Waylon

but you said yesterday that you didn't care

if she came back

I wish she didn't what Tom

let's just do the scene one more time

I swear I'll get it right

um Lenny

I'm going to Ashley's house

you um

see what you can get done with wailing

so you mean I'm not

even gonna get to work with the director

no Waylon

I'm sorry cut it

oh

I see you're well

I guess not my luck

I don't have a solution

to my problems

Ashley

there are more important things to consider right now

the footage is irrelevant

Danny is dead what

what do you mean the footage is irrelevant

you have any idea what I went through

about half as much as me

seriously though where is it

you listen to me

Danny is dead and you are partly responsible

no no

no no

no it's not like that I didn't do anything

why are you taping this

no reason

what are you trying to do to me

to you nothing I just

you're trying to trick me

we're making a movie this is not a movie

yes it is

this is not a movie Danny is dead

don't you understand I killed him

come here give me that

God damn it oh

fuck shit

shut up shut up

shut up shut up shut up

what are you doing filming why

cause I wanna document the trip and Danny's not around

so why don't I do it

okay

we are on a mission to the prop house

cause

Tom feels that the prop knife is not realistic enough

and in filmmaking every detail is important

so how did the shoot go after I left the set

great actually

I think it's some of the best stuff we've shot really

yeah you know

I figure with all of Joe and Ashley's shenanigans

the past few days you didn't get any quality footage

I I mean

we

we didn't get any quality footage

I think we're supposed to turn left right there yeah

I just need to take care of a little something first

but aren't they expecting us at the prop house

cause you know

we're supposed to be back and filming again

in 15 minutes yeah

well I think we're so far behind schedule

that an additional 10 minutes won't kill me

us what an additional 10 minutes won't kill us right

yes so

are we going to be seeing any more of Ashley

I don't think so

our last conversation didn't go that well

say do you do you smell something

no smells like

oh man

it's something really really rotten

you talk too much what

I said you talk too much

okay

it's in the trunk

what's in the trunk

the smell

it's um

some bad meat

I just need to get rid of it

why didn't you get rid of it at the location

I guess it slipped my mind

yeah

oh so I was gonna ask you

how did your visit with Ashley go yesterday

here we are oh

thank God I'll be back in just a minute

whatever smells this bad I have got to see

suit yourself

so where exactly are we

sorry Lenny

but it's in the order of things

hi I'm Sarah Donovan

and I'll be reading for the role of Ashley and action

look I think we should take the footage

and I think we should try and sell it

look I just don't think there's any sense in wasting it

you know

Ashley look

I think it's what

I think it's what he would have wanted

Ashley you're not thinking right

no

there are more important things to consider right now

no I don't think so I mean the footage it's

it's special

that footage is burned up and Randy is dead what

it burnt up

do you have any idea what I had to go through for that

yeah probably about half as much as me

ha ha oh my God

right ha ha shit and scene

that was great I like that thanks

okay um

uh I just have one question for you

okay uh

the role requires nudity

so in the event we offered you the role

would this be a problem for you

no no

not at all definitely not

it's a horror film right

they go hand in hand it's in the order of things

yeah okay

um we're gonna do it again okay

and this time when you uh get to the laugh maybe

excuse me this is a private conversation

I'm looking for Tom Grayson

what is this about officer

are you Grayson I am

I'd like to ask you some questions about Danny Wilson

um okay

I'll take care of this just continue the auditions

okay

just do it again

uh here

I'm sorry about the treatment that you got from

Officer Jameson he gets just a little hot headed but

I'm a I'm a big fan of you

I'm I'm honored here

I'm honored to be with you

my son uh

he uh

put me in touch with your stuff

uh it's really good and uh

he's a huge fan he's got all your DVDs and

and you know

I would be a big hero at home

if you would give me your John Hancock

right here you're kidding me

I'm not kidding you're Thomas Grayson

the master of horror

kid loves this stuff it the

the the

get it out to Sean he

he loves the horror of the whole genre

the blood the dismemberment the

the hard body lesbians

he really loves revenge nice sweet

thank you thank you so much

you're welcome

you know I've got

I've got one question just one question

why did you do it

why did you spend your whole life

devoted your whole life to

to one genre to horror

it's a good way to make a living

I guess so

it makes sense

you're not the first to make a living

thinking of ways to kill people

but the important thing is that nobody really dies

well that's where you and I are on a different page

you see young man

while you and Officer Jameson were having your uh

very uh

intellectual discussion I was over at your apartment

that's very nice too

beautifully decorated very good taste

I love that memorabilia you got a good collection there

and those signed comic books

very cool but what I found was some very

very interesting tapes

and on those tapes was some pretty interesting

incriminating evidence

all those tapes

uh they're not real

they're just um

part of a project that I'm working on

not real well

you know we've got some dead bodies

in fact we've got three dead bodies

and our coroners say they're very real

we also have a very real gas can

with some very real fingerprints of yours

on this gas can that was used to set a very real fire

that burned down Danny Wilson's very real house

yes sir

now these tapes and this project

for what you seem to be calling

I guess it's for a movie

the person in those tapes

that was you right

yes

and um

as a matter of fact I think that this

this whole scene mhuh

that's playing out right here

this would make a a wonderful end to that movie

end to that movie huh

well what kind of a movie

ends

with a guy confessing to the murder of Danny Wilson

and the brutal beating to death of Ashley Swan

a good one

and now

I think what should happen is

you should stop playing the good cop

and get really crass and say something

really condemning you think you're smooth

don't you well

my friend

you need to get yourself a nice amount of lubricant

because you're gonna need a very smooth asshole

when you get in prison cause there's dicks

those dicks of those prisoners

who love pretty boys like you

they're gonna be so hard and fast up your brown eye

you won't believe it

you'll have your salad tossed so many times

you're gonna need Caesar's dressing

you're gonna have wish bone

if you know what I mean now

how's that for crass huh

how's that for crass I think you could do it again

with a little bit more profanity

oh well jeez

you're a writer you guys uh

like to use your imagination

you know there are many ways to say fuck you

oh uh uh thanks

thanks for the autograph

I think I'll sell it on eBay

cut

do I do I need some powder

I don't know is my is my forehead shining

I thought you wanted a Diet Coke

how much time did you set up