All language subtitles for The Baldwins s01e06 Mission Impossible Rug Nation.eng

[reporter] Mr. Baldwin...

Your motion
to dismiss with prejudice is granted.

[dramatic music playing]

Now I want
to focus on our marriage

and trying to reconnect
with each other on a different level

that is not just
fight or flight.

Now we can come home,

and now we can try to remember
how to live again.

Maybe we don't have
to leave like this anymore.

Get set. Go!

[Carmen laughing]
We're gonna fall into each other.

What are our challenges,
do you think?

[Hilaria] For you,
you have your OCD?

And for me,
it's my ADHD.

I was diagnosed with ADHD
as a child,

and it's been
an interesting journey.

Okay, let's not delay.

Come, come.
We'll wash your car.

The OCD thing
is not so much a problem for me.

My OCD is a problem
for the people around me.

[softly] It's a disaster.

[Hilaria] I worry about Alec

because we were living
with so much stress for such a long time

that his OCD has gotten
even worse.

[Alec] It's a direct result
of what I've been going through lately,

but you don't go,
Simon says...

"Back to normal."
It takes a long time.

[suspenseful piano music
playing]

[growling]

[dog barking]

[whimpering]

What are you looking for?

I don't know.

Maybe...

[jingling]

[Hilaria] Can you just
drive carefully, please?

'Cause I just get
so worried about you out and about.

You might've thought
I'd drive on the wrong side of the road.

He's a horrible driver.

It's just a lie.

-[Hilaria laughs]
-Uh...

Oh, God! Not again.

We're gonna have
this rug cleaned when you leave

'cause our dogs did
a little couple of numbers here,

which makes me pissed off...

[Hilaria speaking]

No. Why?

-Really? Are you kidding me?
-Just like, at least for, like, a few months

we can train her.

[purring]

-[Hilaria] And then-
-[Alec] No, I want Cappuccina with us.

I want her in another house,
but I want her with us.

-[Hilaria laughs]
-I'm gonna go now.

I just want to say hi.

[barking]

[Hilaria] Let's get the treats
ready.

I don't know where they went.

Let's see.

What we've been through
the past years

has been... traumatic.

Oh! There they are.
Found 'em.

And so,
I'm folding my children and folding Alec

into the good
and the kind and the positive

because that's the thing
that's going to help us to heal,

to get to be
a little bit more stable,

less shaky...

-[meowing]
-[Hilaria] ...and start to take on everything

-that we've had to put on hold
for quite a few years. -[meowing]

Cappucina.

Look. Watch.

Okay. Ready?

Sit.

Good girl.

Wanna try?

Sit.

[Hilaria] Say good girl
and give it to her.

Good girl.

[Hilaria chuckles]

Alec and I had two dogs
before our children were born,

and now I have Cappucina
and Macchiata.

And, um...
it's like I feel like they...

-Oh, God! Cappucina.
-[dogs barking]

[chuckles softly]

-Should I go find Macchi?
-Yeah.

Oh, and... give me that one.

The problem with Macchi
is she doesn't take treats from your hands.

The kids really
want to have dogs.

So I got Cappucina,

and I didn't tell Alec.

And so I kept her secret
in my bathroom

for 11 days in the city,

and I made
off-limits upstairs.

The kids had zero idea.

When I'd bring her out,
I'd bring her out after they went to sleep

or during the day.

But, ultimately,
the kids found out.

This is Cappucina.

And...

she eats everything she sees.

[Hilaria] And Alec was like,
"What? You got a dog!"

Alec fell in love with her,

and I was like,
"This is so great. Let's get another one."

I get another one.
He was more mad about the second one,

but he really loves Shih Tzus.

And in the city,
they were very well-behaved,

for the most part,
for puppies.

And then, we come here.

We went through
this very hard thing.

And so some things
slipped through the cracks like dog training.

Cappucina just peed
on the floor.

[Romeo] Mom. Mom.

-Who did that?
-[Maria] Macchiata.

[Hilaria] You sure?
I think it might be Cappucina

'cause it's like more pee.

Macchiata's pee is, like,
really tiny pee.

No.

They pee all over the house,

and they pooped
all over the house.

[dog barking]

[Hilaria] Our dogs have,
already, completely marked their territory

all over the rug
that Alec really likes.

The dogs [bleep] on the rug.

There was, like,
poop everywhere,

and so they just decided,

"Let's pee here, too."

So, um,
that's what's going on.

This is not good
because we will be bringing them

back to the city with us,

and now they went from being
very well-behaved dogs

to really badly-behaved dogs.

Really bad.

[upbeat music playing]

Ready? Sit.

How are we gonna teach her
not to pee in the house?

What are we gonna do?

Um, I think
she needs to go pee.

Yeah,
but how are we gonna teach her to go outside

and not in the house,

'cause she's peeing
all over the house?

Where is she gonna pee?

She has to pee out here.

Alec was mad at me
when I got these two new dogs.

But I know that he loves dogs.

His ex-wife had 13 dogs
with him.

So when you really, like,
add up all the pets that we have,

even though there are a lot,

it's not 13.

Let's sit down
and have a conversation for a couple of minutes.

Which conversation?

It's a serious conversation.

-[Alec] No?
-[Hilaria] Yeah, now it's really serious.

-Get worried.
-What's it about?

I'm about to drop a bomb
on you.

Ricky Martin is straight now?

Ricky Martin's straight.

I'm running away with him...

and he's Romeo's father.

That's why Romeo and I
are here

-to tell you-
-Ricky Martin threw you a mercy fling, and, uh...

-Ricky Martin-
-...this is the product of it.

Uh, we went to go see
him backstage, Ricky Martin.

Oh, my God.
What a lovely guy.

See. I want Ricky Martin
to be, like, my best friend.

Um, but, yeah.
There, he's divorced now.

So what are
the other kids parents?

Doesn't he, kind of,
look like you?

[Romeo] First of all...

I don't have a mustache.

[Hilaria] Okay,
what about that one?

Okay. Okay.

What's the thing
you're gonna spring on me, you tell me?

What is it?

I'm having another baby.

[gasping] Wait. What?

Kidding? [laughs]

Who's the father this time?

I thought you were,
actually, having another baby.

No. I'm not having
another baby.

Enrique Iglesias
is the father.

You said you had something
to tell me,

you wanted to spring on me.

So, okay. Um...

So you know
how our dogs are...

not great
at knowing where to pee.

You're the one
that brought those dogs into the house

and said they were trained.

-Okay. First of all,
they were trained. -And you...

-No, no, no. No.
-...lied.

Listen to me.
They were trained,

and then...

Then, they got untrained?

The point is,
how do you feel

about having a dog trainer
come and help us out?

-I'm all for it.
-[Hilaria] You're all for it.

If you had a dog trainer come,

what would you have them
learn?

-[Alec] What do I want
the dogs to learn? -Mmm-hmm.

Don't whiz on my $40,000,
hand-knitted Parisian rug.

How's that?
Is that working for you?

Why are you spending $40,000
on a rug?

I was huge back then.

-I made so much money.
-I know. This is a very old rug.

So we're gonna get
the dog trainer. That's cool.

We're gonna go order the rug
at the same time.

So when they're trained,

we get the old rug out
and the new rug comes in,

-and we have a new clean rug.
-Or, maybe, we shouldn't have a rug for a while.

No, no, no. I want a rug...

-No, no, no.
But I feel like... -I want a rug there.

...it'll be good
for the training.

With Alec,
it's just like, you know, it comes,

and he, sort of, has his focus
and what he wants.

Some of that is OCD,

some of that is...

the trauma that he's had,

and now we can try to focus
on dog training again.

I'm just gonna walk
really close to you

in case you say
something funny. [laughs]

[Alec] You and me
are gonna lay on the rug,

and I'm gonna do
so many things to you.

[Hilaria laughing]

Can we go measure a rug
for the playroom?

[Alec] Let's go...
measure the rug now.

Bring your tape. Let's go.

The rug that we had
in there was a disaster,

and we've been trying
to get rid of it for years.

[Alec] Oh, God.

It's a disaster.

Well, you sit in that room,
and you go,

"These rugs got to go."

You look in that living room
and you go,

"All that furniture
is gonna go."

We need new everything

because the kids
are not the worst I've seen, but...

the dogs are.

[barks]

Okay. I know from measuring,
that you have to measure from the ground.

Well, I wanted to...
show you something.

Put that up against the wall
right there,

walk it against the wall
all the way there.

-You understand that...
-[Alec] You're gonna come here,

you got to go
to the edge of this

'cause you can't go around it.

-[Hilaria] Obviously...
-I've done here before, but...

So here we go.

So this is...

-15 feet.
-No. Okay, I'm, literally, not at the edge.

[Alec] Are you at the edge?
Okay, so let's just say

this is 15 ft right to here,
right here.

-So you wanna...
-[Hilaria] Wait. But that wasn't even...

Alec, that wasn't even tight.

This is tight.

This is not tight.

What do you mean?
It is tight enough?

I used to do things
very much the way that Alec wanted them.

I used to.

And I lived
with tremendous anxiety, tremendous stress.

And I almost felt
like I was like a kid

in an adult's home.

I don't wanna say parent
'cause that sounds weird,

but, you know,
somebody's home,

and you're, kind of, like...

you know,
I didn't feel like it was my home.

But that was many years ago.

Okay, okay. I, literally, don't
know who taught you to measure.

-Okay. Come.
-[Alec] Actually, what I'm saying-

You have to do
from the ground...

because there's molding
and everything, too.

You have to do it
in a specific way...

I'm backing up a few inches
from the wall.

It's when you go there...
I can't do that. Okay...

We can't do it.
There's no way.

-What are you talking about?
-The furniture is in there with the zigzag here.

-You...
-[Hilaria] Wanna... wanna bet?

Wanna bet?

Look. Okay. Ready?

-Now just...
-[Alec] Hilaria, this is...

Okay. Hilaria, this is 15 ft.

But now you're going too far.

[Alec] You see what that says?

[Hilaria] I want to just
make sure.

So we have 15, two-and-a-half.

But it's not gonna be
15, two-and-a-half.

-Wait. I'm saying
that's the space... -We're gonna go 14. 14.

But, Alec,
that's the space that we have.

I was diagnosed with ADHD
as a child,

and, I think
one of the benefits of having an ADHD brain

is you're extremely creative.

Sometimes, you're
a little scatterbrained,

but I can take this and this
and this over here and this,

and I'll bring it all
together,

I'm like, "What about that?"

And then, also just doing it
and getting it done,

which is very common,
what I'm learning,

with people who are wired
like I am.

[Alec] This room
is a disaster.

[Hilaria] But Alec doesn't always
do things in the most efficient way

because he, sort of, obsesses
about how it has to be done.

[Alec] Nothing
like organizing.

It's the OCD meets the ADHD.

My... I'm very impulsive.

I just wanna do it
right away.

Get it done.
Just do it right away.

Okay, so 15, two-and-a-half.

So the question is,
can we have a 15-foot rug?

-[Alec] Um...
-[Hilaria] Um...

"Can you have a..."

You know,
can I say something to you?

-[Hilaria] Yeah.
-I just I wanna say this to you...

-[Hilaria] Yes.
-...just to try to be collaborative.

You are not gonna have
a 15-foot rug.

You're not.

You wouldn't wanna go
all the way to the wall. It's senseless 'cause...

No, Alec. I'm just looking
at the options that we have,

and to know that,
that's helpful.

I need you to measure
this way. We're gonna go 14 ft this way.

-It's 14 ft.
-[Hilaria] Okay, but...

-It's 14 ft.
-[Maria speaking indistinctly]

You wanna come off that wall
a little bit,

come off this wall
a little bit.

-Um, okay. So...
-[Alec] 14, and did you measure this way?

-[Hilaria] I did.
-What was it?

I have... This is 12.

Two is the size of this rug,

so I probably have
one more foot.

But what I'm saying to you is,
do you see how far it goes to the wall here

and under the couch?

-Mmm-hmm.
-[Alec] You don't need that.

It's 14x12
to cover exactly what you need to cover,

which is right here.

Them laying down
with their blankets,

watching a movie,
eating popcorn.

There, 14x12.

You go... [sighs]

...'cause everything I say
is wrong.

No, it's that you...

You see the world
through your...

-lens...
-50s old-man lens?

...I see the world
through my lens, and...

So, we're gonna have
conflicting opinions

'cause our lenses
are different.

What about 11x15?

We don't have 15 ft here.
We don't.

So one of the most
common sizes if you want to do 14

is a 10x14.

See, you wanna buy it online

just for the sake
of buying online.

No, because it's easy.

Right.

Well, I'd rather
we get it right than it's easy.

That's the goal.
So I'm gonna go to the rug store

and we're gonna order that.

15 ft, actually,
would work perfect

'cause I actually have
15, two-and-a-half.

I want... No.

14x12. That's it.

[tense music playing]

Alec was very specific
about the size of the rug.

Alec is very specific
about a lot of things.

And Alec is sometimes right,

and Alec is sometimes wrong.

[intense music concludes]

[Alec] What
I'm saying to you is,

we're not gonna get the rug
for this room online, quickly.

We're not.

And I'm not gonna spend
our time

searching with a bunch of...

online sites.

What's more stupid
than shopping online, really,

for things of...
some aesthetic?

We're gonna go
to the carpet...

so you're gonna hold it
in your hand.

Don't buy anything online
except, like, cans of dog food or...

-[Hilaria] Well...
-I'm making that up.

[Hilaria]...I, definitely...
literally getting it all wrong.

I'm not saying anything
that's moving you creatively, am I?

Let me get a nice tight shot
of that look on your face.

[cellphone camera clicking]

[laughs]

Mama...

Are you really...
literally, doing that?

I'm gonna go... You guys wanna jump
in the car and then go to the rug store?

Anyone? Rug store anyone?

No?

This is why I always do
house projects on my own.

Alec is seemingly involved
in all of my home renovation projects.

I'll ask his advice,
since every once in a while,

he has said something
that I agree with.

But, usually, um...

I just do what I want to do.

Like with many things,

I'm gonna do my own thing,

and in the end,

he's going to love it...

hopefully.

[Alec] I think, um...

I think it's time
for you to go.

[laughs]

Go up in your room,
lay in bed,

and shop online.

[Hilaria laughing] Okay.

Goodbye.

[upbeat music playing]

[Hilaria] Okay, so...

we lived for so long
with this stress,

I was thinking
that we could start doing things

-that we...
haven't done before? -That you want to.

No, but that we haven't
done before.

You know, and part of that
it's been like,

I came into your life
and went to all the Philharmonic concerts.

I've spent the past 13 years
doing a lot of your things.

I think you should come
into my world,

and we should do
something fun.

The new word for the future
is fun.

That's our new "F".

Fight, fight, freeze!

Now we're doing fun.

-Such as?
-[Hilaria] Such as...

I think we should go dancing.

The struggles are different
every day.

The trick with Alec is,
Alec lives in a land of love and nurturing

that wants to take care
of other people.

I wanna take you
salsa dancing with me.

Will you go dancing with me?

Come on.
Let's do something fun.

Are you proposing to me?

I'm asking you
to go dancing with me.

Of course, it's Alec,

and he's going to, always,
put himself last.

But I want him to be happy.

You... Actually,
you have very good rhythm,

you have good movement...

-Go on.
-You have the passion.

Continue.

[Hilaria] I think that Alec was living
with so much stress for such a long time

that it stole our laughter,

and we want him to know
that he is worth taking care of,

that he's worth being...

he's worth living happy.

We have the ability
to have fun,

-and laugh...
-Yo se.

...and try it...

again and again...

and again.

See, we're already good.
We're good.

-Boom, boom...
-[Hilaria] We're gonna be great.

I've never done anything
like that before.

Will you do it with me?

I don't wanna go,

but I will go because of you.

I mean,
I never thought at my age

I'd be dancing around
with my stunning wife,

smoking hot wife.

Well, life is good.
Life is good.

I would love to.

I mean, God!
I wish I was one...

one billionth
as talented as you are

that you're so good, you know?

I'm okay.

We could go take lessons,

and I think
it could be really fun.

-And then... No.
Then we'll go back... -Who's the local dancer?

But then, we'll go back
into the city,

and then, you can go out
dancing with me,

and it'll be, like,
our new Friday nights.

Give the kids pizza and sushi
'cause Friday nights is pizza, sushi

and then, you and I
will go out...

We'll go dancing.

I think we should go
salsa dancing.

[all laughing]

[disco music playing]

? Get your boot on ?

? Get your boots on ?

? What are you
waiting for... ?

[barking]

Sit.

[softly] Sit.

I feel like we get
a solid C-plus on dog training.

The dogs are going outside
more.

But, we're not done yet.

So today we have a dog trainer
coming to help give us some guidance.

[clicks tongue]

[doorbell chiming]

-[Gail] Hello.
-[Hilaria] Hello.

[barking]

Hi.

-I'm Gail.
Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.

So they don't go out
when you open the door. That's great.

[Hilaria] Well,
they didn't this time.

Okay. Do they sometimes?

[Hilaria] That one does.
This one's afraid of everything.

You probably have
some sort of, like, dog aura around you,

that probably...

I'm around dogs all the time,

but I like to stay super calm

-and let them show me
who they are. -[Hilaria] Mmm-hmm.

We only have a few weeks
before the end of summer,

and we have
a lot that we need to do.

We need to get the dogs
potty trained.

We need to figure out
the rugs.

We still have a lot
that is going to happen this summer.

-This is Alec.
-Hi.

-Nice to meet you.
-How are you?

Good. Thank you.

My pants are falling off.
Hold on.

-[laughs]
-[continues indistinctly]

She's very picky.

It's like, the duck,
she doesn't like, the salmon she likes.

You can train her to do
little circus tricks.

So it's really,
the sky's the limit.

But what I wanna know is,

can you tell
from looking at a dog right away,

whether they're hopeless
and they're never gonna be trained

or they have hope?

Can you tell right just
from looking at them?

Um, no.

And I think
that there is hope for everybody.

Can you train the kids too?

Um, positive reinforcement
works on kids.

-I'll leave you to it.
-For sure.

And treats. Let's go.

Let's go over
once you put that...

-[Alec speaking]
-Let's go over here.

I mean, Alec is funny
because he...

he wants things
to be a certain way,

but he doesn't always
want to do the follow through

that's going to make it
a certain way

and understand
that things are a process.

She's keeping her butt
on the ground,

which is a great sit,

and then I can say, "Okay."

And then she moves.
She doesn't get anything.

I'll take this food...

I'll let her know I have it.

And then, I separate my hands.

Take your eyes... Yes!

So she took her eye
away from the cookie, looked at me,

and that's what
gets her the cookie.

-Wow.
-[Gail] You just wanna make sure

that she's paying attention
to you

and not distracted
by the food.

-[Hilaria] Okay.
-[Gail] Right.

Did you need to smell my face,
lick my face? Okay.

Another huge thing
that we have is, uh...

going to the bathroom.

-So, yes, I was just
gonna ask about that. -[Alec] Oh, my gosh.

Can I tell you?

It's on a level of bad
that you...

and they weren't like this.

I love this rug,
and we have to throw it out now.

Well, this rug...
Also, we have two dogs before that were not.

Then, we had kids,
and then they had a hard time with it.

What would you recommend
for trying to go back to basics?

Mostly with housebreaking.

I love crating

because they're, kind of,
older

they don't have anything
in their bladder.

You know, they should be able
to hold it.

-They should be able
to hold it. -Yeah.

They pee on it every night.

[Hilaria] Yeah.

-And then,
she likes to sleep on it. -[Alec] And...

They've two spots, they both,

and they have little beds
in the laundry room.

I mean, our other dogs
were in there for a while.

But they have a pee pee peeve.
there

'cause they were in there
from, like, eight o'clock on.

And this is gonna sound funny.

I need to take
a picture of you

because I wanna cut my hair
like your hair.

I love your haircut.

It's a $25 special, so...

-I'm happy.
-[Gail laughs]

I'm trying to find my haircut.

Steven Van Zandt
did my podcast

and I said,

"What is with the hair?

Your character, Silvio,
in The Sopranos has this helmet,

like, the most perfect hair."

And I swear to God he goes,

"We call that
the Alec Baldwin hair."

-[softly] Oh, my God!
-I go, "What did you say?"

He goes, "Yeah.

We said to ourselves,
'I wanna have my hair

look really, kind of, like...
like, over the top, like, perfect.'

So we said,
'We wanna look like Alec Baldwin'."

-I go, "Are you kidding me?"
-[Hilaria laughs]

Like Pierce Brosnan,
who I love, he does the same.

He has a little lock of hair
he pulls down over his eyebrow,

like a rakish,
sexy lock of hair coming down.

He's done it now
for, like, 40 years...

the same kind of... [whoops]
hair thing.

So it's good
just to have a specific area

where you bring 'em to
to have them empty.

And then, they get to play
wherever they wanna go.

[Alec] Basically,
every corner of this house,

has endured this onslaught
from these dogs,

but nothing like this rug
here.

This rug, though,
it has some smell from the first dogs, too...

-That's what...
-[Gail]...so it's like a dead giveaway

being like, "Potty here."

But...

We blew it, honey.

Would you always
have crates in their lives,

or is it for a certain period
of time,

and then they can just
have free rein,

or that's, like, just bad?

It really depends
on the family,

and it depends on the dogs.

Some dogs love the crate.

Sometimes dogs are like,
"No, I'm over it."

[Hilaria] The solution
is get rid of the rug

and now they pee on the floor,
and it's easier to clean up.

There! Done!

Done! That was the solution.

No, we're gonna have
to put them in the crate.

-We're very grateful for...
-Yeah.

-[Gail] My pleasure.
-Thank you so much.

This was really, really
helpful.

[Hilaria] So I got the crate.

I just feel sad,

but we really should do it

because once we go
to the city...

I feel like it'll be just
a few nights of them crying,

we have neighbors, and like,

that's not a nice thing
to do there.

So, it's better to do it here
when we're in a house,

and only we suffer from it.

You think, you know-
Yeah, they might cry a little bit.

But you know what?
I think it's gonna be good,

because guess
who's crying right now?

Daddy.

Because Dad-

Because Daddy's really sad

that the dogs keep
peeing everywhere.

We still have
a lot of hard work

to get the dogs potty trained

before bringing them
back to the city with us.

[Hilaria] No, no, no, no, no.
We need to make her...

to make her learn
that it's a good thing.

Give her a treat
through the cage.

[whimpering]

[Hilaria] Hopefully,
it's not too late.

[Carmen] Hey, y'all.

Today, we're gonna be
doing my dad

with slang words,
you know, as somebody

who doesn't really use
that much Gen Alpha slang.

What- Dad,
what does "ick" mean?

-Gross.
-Kind of.

"Ick man" means a red flag.

Or, like, what does
"Sigma versus Beta" mean?

Like...

There are no numbers
in the Greek alphabet.

-Alpha, Beta.
-[snickers] No.

Sigma means, like, good,

and Beta means, like, bad.

-No-
-This has been the most informative day of my life,

-by the way. This is amazing.
-What is

"spill the tea?"
I think you would know that.

-"Spill the tea?"
-Yeah.

Um, "tell us the truth."

Yeah, or, like, kinda
just like, "tell me."

What does "skibidi" mean?

We're gonna skip that one.

"Cap."

It's such, like,
a frat boy word.

You pooped in your pants.

-You "capped" your pants?
-[laughs]

No, it means lie.

And what does "ship" mean?

"Ship?"

I say "ship."

That means?

[Carmen] For example,
somebody would be like,

"I ship Alec and Hilaria."

Which means, like,
you guys aren't dating,

but you guys should.

-[Alec] "Ship."
-Um, what does "simp" mean?

-Simp is also
an annoying word. -[Alec] "Simp?"

Simp means stupid, right?

Basically means, like,
if there's a girl,

like, you're simping over her.

My brother's celebrity crush
is Jenna Ortega.

So, Jenna,
my brother loves you.

Ship me to cap you, simp.

-What?
-Does this work, no?

You should know this one.

What does "gyatt" mean?

It means your giant butt.

Exactly, it's a big,
bodacious gyatt.

All right, that's exciting.
Thank you so much.

That's been fantastic.

Thank you so much, Carmen.

[Hilaria] I started dancing
when I was two.

I did ballet.

I did ballroom dancing.

It's always something
that's part of me,

and I'm grateful that Alec
wanted to take

a dancing class with me.

-Hi.
-[Jacob] Hi. How are you?

[Hilaria] How are you?

-[Jacob] Good, good.
How are you guys? -[Alec] Uh, good.

Uh, we're going
to, uh, dance.

And... and what's your
dance experience?

What's my-
Well, of course, I had...

I've won three Tony Awards

-on Broadway for my dancing.
-[Jacob laughs]

[Hilaria] Can I tell you,

I feel like if I knew him,

-I'd be like, "Oh,
he can't dance." -[Jacob] Uh-huh.

But he's got some rhythm.

[Jacob] Okay, let's see.

[Hilaria] We have to remember
that we look at him

like he's an any actor.

They're macho,
they're so masculine, you know?

But he was in Rock of Ages,
and he's saying

that he's just a theater kid.
Not like this, like,

[grunts] men, you know?
It's like they're just...

They wanna go and watch
tap dancing on Broadway.

And if his parents could have
sent him to theater camp,

you know, that would've been
his favorite thing ever.

Wait, so what are
we learning today?

We're gonna learn some salsa.

We're gonna learn
some New York-style salsa.

Let's get started.

Dancing's great from your mind

and your body
and your breathing,

but it's also just
silly and fun,

and that's what we needed.

Gonna join us?

I'm gonna watch you first.

I wanna see what...
what I'm getting myself into.

[salsa music playing]

I'm ready for us
to go and live

and to really just, uh, do
whatever we wanna do.

Let's actually start
facing each other.

You're gonna break back
on your right foot.

And then you're gonna step
in place again

with your left foot. Okay?

-So step, back, step?
-Yes.

And then you're gonna
come together.

Forward.

In place.

Let's just do that
a couple of times.

-It's gonna be very easy.
-So painful.

-I forgot it already.
-[laughs]

-So-
-One.

-Two. Three.
-Two. One.

-Five. Six.
-Back. Back.

-One- No, but it's the same, no? -Nope.
Nope. You gotta come...

-just come back to the center.
-[Alec] Oh, I see.

-So here, so-
-[Hilaria] You always go back to square one.

[Hilaria and Alec] Okay.

[Alec] Boom, boom, boom.

-Yes. There you go.
That's salsa. -[Hilaria] Yes.

-[Alec] Boom, boom, boom.
-[Hilaria] Okay.

Out and together. Good.

I wanna dance for fun.

I want to go out and have fun.

Everything- The new word
for the future is fun.

[Jacob] So, we're gonna do
some things called drapes.

We're gonna pick our hands up,

and we're just gonna go
over her head.

-[Hilaria] Oh.
-[Jacob] We're gonna drop it at the neck

and catch the hand.

[Alec] I think
even I can do that.

-Try.
-What do I- Yeah, show me,

-what do I do?
-Don't need to force you do it?

I take my hand... What?

I'll force you to do it.

I thought you said, "I'm gonna
divorce you today."

-Oh, no, to force you.
-Oh, God,

I was like,
"That's fascinating."

No, that's tomorrow.
[chuckles]

-You're gonna go to court
and you go, "He can't dance." -[Hilaria chuckles]

[Jacob laughs]

"And, you know, in 13 years,
you don't even try."

Try this.

-No.
-What? Oh, no, here.

-No, here.
-[Alec] That's right.

-I said, "Here."
-Yeah.

-But you're-
-[Jacob] But you need to go over the head.

You're trying-
This is not wrestling.

You're trying to wrestle me.

-Just... it's just
called self-protection. -One, two, three,

and catch.

Hello.

-Don't mess up her hair.
-I'm the king of the drapery.

-The drapes.
-No, here. Here.

-You see me,
you see me. -[mimics punching]

-You see me.
It's like, "Oh, hey!" -[mimics punching]

[Hilaria]
And then you're like, "I'm gonna throw a football

or something."
That you would-

-I'm not throwing
a football at you. -[Jacob] The drapes.

I didn't get it right.
Not once, not once.

[bleep]!

[sucks teeth]
You almost got it.

-Hello. Here.
-[Hilaria] Yes.

-Catch.
-Yes, I love the "hello."

-Hello.
-Hello.

Here, catch.

-I'm gonna take that.
-Hola.

[in spanish] Here it is.

-Okay. [laughs]
-Okay. [laughs]

Now you're making moves.

[Alec in English]
Well, I got that part. When's lunch?

[laughs]

There you have it.
There it is.

Exactly the way I dreamed
I would do it, once.

[chuckling] I did it once.

I did it once.

All right, we're trying
this with music?

-[Alec and Hilaria] Yes.
-Yes? Okay.

-All right.
-["Senorita" playing]

-[Hilaria] Ah.
-[Alec] Oh!

[Jacob laughs]

Uh-huh.

Don't forget,
if you get lost...

-[in spanish] Uncle Ramon.
-[in spanish] Uncle Ramon.

[laughs]

[in English] Good. Nice.

There you go.

Just like that.

[in English]
I think he liked it,

and I think
he will continue dancing.

Dance, d-d-dance.

And I think
it could be really fun.

Good.

Uh-huh.

[song continues]

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Nice.

-[Alec] Thank you.
-[Jacob] Thank you, thank you.

-I'll stretch my leg
because I'm sore. -It looks like you're a mess.

No, I'm not a-

[Alec speaking]

You know, I've always said
that from her dancing,

her feet are, like,
they're like bamboo.

It's weird, a very-

-Strong, I've strong feet.
-[producer laughs]

[Alec] Now, can I
tell you something?

-Seriously?
-Yeah.

You're amazing.

-[scoffs]
-You are amazing.

-You are so amazing that-
-[Hilaria] I'm okay.

-No, no. You are...
-[Hilaria] I'm okay.

...remarkable.

Can I tell you something?

I like it a lot.

And it was a big part
of my life.

And I just wanna have fun
from now on, you know?

[Alec] Me, too.

Um, I feel like right now
we have an opportunity...

to take a deep breath,

and that sinking
stressed feeling

that we've been living
with for so long,

we can realize
that we don't have to carry it

with us anymore.

And we get to go
and try a lot of things,

and do a lot of things,
and... and have a lot of fun.

It's a lot of pressure.

-Is it?
-You're pressuring me to mellow out.

[chuckles]

That was fun. Thank you
for doing that with me.

-No, no, you're so good.
-It was so fun.

I- Can I tell you something?

-You did very well.
-[Alec] You're a miracle.

When I see you do that,
I'm just mesmerized.

Can't wait for me
to call the producer

of Dancing with the Stars
after-

No. You- Don't you dare.

-I'll say no.
-I'm gonna give him a little time in LA,

-and then I'm gonna call him,
I'm gonna say... -[Hilaria] I will say no.

..."Listen, Joey..."

-No, you're doing it. You're
doing it, you're doing it. -No, I'm telling you,

I won't do it.
I literally won't.

-[Alec] You are. You are.
-I literally won't.

-You need to-
-I've had seven kids.

-I got married.
-You need to resume your dancing career.

We've gone through
everything we've gone through.

-And bringing out the-
Honey, you're... -No, my dancing career

-is, like, happy, every once
in a while, coming out. -...so smoking hot.

You wearing one of those
smoking hot dance outfits,

you and Ricky Martin
dancing together.

[in spanish] It's very good.

[Hilaria] Alec's literally
about to get back here,

so we have to do this quickly.

This is emergency.

-I didn't mean to be a pest.
-[Yoel] Sometimes I feel like

you just invite me over
'cause I'm tall.

[Hilaria] Just because
you're tall and strong.

[Yoel] Where are we going
with this?

The playroom.

All right, so what's, like,
the smartest way to do this?

And is there a way?
[chuckling]

[whispering]

[Yoel] All right.

[Hilaria in normal voice]
Wait, don't pee on the rug.

Cappucina!

Alec was very specific
about the size of the rug.

Alec is very specific
about a lot of things.

That's the OCD
rearing its ugly head.

He wanted, I forget,
it was, like, 14 feet...

He wanted
a very strange shape,

but I thought we needed
to get a bigger size.

Wait a second, wait a second.
Do you have your phone?

Can you take a picture
of how the toys are?

'Cause we have to put it
back exactly as-is.

[camera shutter clicks]

[camera shutter clicks]

[Hilaria] Alec went out
this morning.

Yes!

This is my perfect opportunity
to order the rug

that I want
in the size that I want.

And then I can put it down
while he's gone.

Oh, no, this is gonna be
really stressful putting back.

It's like little cars,
big cars.

We had one incident
with a Christmas tree

one time. [chuckles]

It was like, definitely
got caught red-handed,

we were like, [bleep].

And he came in
and he just like, didn't even talk to me.

And he was like... [inhales]

And I just continued on,
and we just, like,

never talked about it.
But those eyes,

I was like, "Okay, always be
more careful next time.

If my plan goes awry,

make sure you have
enough time

to sort it out again."

[chuckles]

-Which way does it go?
-[Hilaria] I don't know.

-And it's possible that-
-Which way did you measure it?

[Hilaria] I don't remember.
That was, like, last week.

Eleven by fifteen.

I got it for $200.

It's a bargain.

Just because something
costs a lot

doesn't mean it's good.

I want to have things
where we don't have to worry

so much about preserving
them at this point.

And we can just have fun
and not be,

you know, ridiculous
and reckless,

but just have fun
and realize that messes are gonna happen.

[Yoel] Don't move.
No, no, no, you're not-

-You have to lift- Oh, yeah,
look at you. -I mean, it's just my idea.

-You're like Wonder Woman.
-I'm okay.

[Yoel] I think
the room isn't straight.

[Hilaria chuckles]

[Yoel] We're doing
this very smoothly.

[Hilaria] Can you imagine
if he showed up right now?

He's so bad.

One, two, three.

[chuckles]

Well, help me.

[Hilaria chuckling] I think
we're making it worse.

[Yoel] He's gonna kill us.

[Hilaria] He's gonna find out
that it's 15 feet,

and not 14 feet.

[purring]

-[car door closes]
-[children speaking indistinctly]

[Hilaria] I just heard a car.

Uh-oh. The children are home.

[Hilaria] Uh-oh. I- I- I-

[Rafael] Wait, why is there-

[Yoel] Rafa, what is this mess
that you made?

You need to clean up
right now.

As soon as you clean up
this mess,

we get to go and play.

What? Why?

Because I made a mess.

Do you guys
notice anything different?

Yeah. Do you like it?

-[Romeo speaking]
-I know. So- Wait.

The rug or me?

The rug? I know, and, like,
new rug smells a bit.

[Rafael] Do I have
to clean all this up?

You gotta be kidding me.

-[Hilaria] Will you help me
to remember everything- -[Rafael speaking]

[Hilaria] Okay,
but I made the mess

because I got a new rug.

-Everything is red.
-[Rafael] Why did you do that?

[Romeo speaking]

You never cleaned-

-Okay. You cleaned it
as a little kid- -Okay, literally,

literally, I'm cleaning
all the time, okay?

So stop with this.

-Stop with this.
-[Leonardo] Where's the...

[Hilaria] Yes. Do you think
he's gonna notice?

[indistinct conversation]

[Yoel] Can you move
this basket of cars?

What?

[indistinct conversation]

[Hilaria] We have
to do it right

because Daddy's gonna
come home.

I need everything
to go perfectly.

Otherwise, he will be upset.

-[Rafael squeals]
-[groans]

[Hilaria] Wait,
no, no no, no, no!

-Amigo. o- Romeo, no.
-How do we go in that?

-I promise it'll be nice.
-[Leonardo speaking]

-[Hilaria] Alec's back.
-[Yoel] Uh-oh.

[Ilaria] Dada!

Dada!

[purring]

[Hilaria] I usually
understand Alec,

and if he's really stressed
out about something,

if he's really upset
about something,

if he's mad at me,
he'll say something.

But right now...

silence speaks volumes.

What do you think?

Well, I think with us,
it's always, I mean, I so don't mind-

mean to sound so, uh,
suburban here,

but for you and I,
it's always an issue of this, uh...

the rug, the multi...

strategic platform,
which is dogs, cats, children, food.

And I think
this is a pretty rug

for our purposes.
Yeah, I think it's pretty.

It's a washable.

And you know,
I mean, for me,

I don't apologize
about this anymore.

For me, when I met you,

I wanted to live
in a nice home in Manhattan

and have everything
be kind of pretty

and really have a nice place.

And we did for about,
you know, six minutes.

By the time
the fourth kid came in

and certainly the fifth,

the whole house was just
a big, like, a preschool.

-[Hilaria] Do you think
it's a good size? -[Alec] Yeah.

But what do you think about,
like, my positioning of it?

It works.

In the case of the rug,
I was right.

And it's really kind of a wa-
in this white.

The walls are white,

and the... the toys are-
cabinets are white.

Everything,
it's a white on white theme.

[Hilaria] I bought the rug
that I want

in the size that I want,

and he has no idea
what's going on,

and he thinks it's his idea,
and it's great.

It's a win-win.

I came and I had
organized things,

and now I'm seeing
that they're different.

Did you come in here
and you reorganized things?

Did you decide to leave this
in the middle of the room?

No, I didn't do any-

This, somebody ca-
They came in here and played today.

This is...
this is post-playing.

Did you put away
my basket that-

-No.
-Yes, you did.

But the basket is... is there.

-[Hilaria] The basket is here.
-No, it's not.

[Hilaria] The basket is here.

-What basket?
-So this basket, I had ...inside this basket.

-Oh, okay.
-I had, like,

-just some things.
-But I didn't do this.

-This is a...basket.
-No, I didn't touch any of this.

-[Hilaria] No?
-This is the baby coming in here and playing.

If I walk out of here,
are you going to just, all of a sudden,

put everything back
to where it is.

One day, I'm gonna be dead
and you're gonna be

with your next boyfriend,

and you're gonna sit
there and go... [mimics crying]

-Wait, I wanna listen to this.
-And he's gonna go, "What's the matter?"

Or he's gonna go,
[in Italian accent] "What's the matter?"

[in normal accent]
Your boyfriend from Italy

or wherever you find
your young boyfriend.

-[in Spanish accent] "What is the.
.. Hey, Hilaria." -"Young boyfriend"?

"What is the matter?"
[in spanish] What is the problem?

[in English]
You're gonna go, [sniffles]

[mimicking Hilaria]
"I miss Alec organizing the toys.

Oh!" [sobbing]

-No.
-[in normal voice] No, you are.

-You're gonna miss me.
-No, when you're gone,

-for a few days,
I'll let everything get... -Or- [clears throat]

...like, a little messy,
and I enjoy.

-I just, like, for the...
for, like, the- -Or the fun part,

when I'm dead,
and you see the basket go,

-ooh, ooh...
-[laughing]

[Alec] And the basket moves
over to the other side of the room,

and you're like...

-I'll sage you
out of the house. -"Enrique!"

I would sage you
out of the house.

-Yeah!
-You're gonna sage me?

I'll sage you.
Alec, we'll sage you out.

You're gonna sage me?

Okay, I'll leave you
with the house.

I'll, like, be like,
"Okay, ghost of Alec,

you can have the house,
and I'm leaving.

And you can keep everything
just the way it was."

All right, you should go.
I gotta make a phone call.

-Mm-mmm. You just
wanna organize it. -[chuckles softly]

Get out.
I'm staying here first.

[line ringing]

Hey, it's Alec.
Send me the link.

I'm gonna submit it
to this guy, Gregory.

I'll call you back. Okay?

All right, good.

[whispering]

[in normal voice]
'Cause what I do in here,

it's like magic.

I don't want anyone to see.
It's magic, you know.

I don't want anybody
to see my techniques.

It's a... it's a...
it's a form of magic,

what I do here, so...

Just show some respect
for my magic.

Okay.

[Hilaria] Yeah,
I'll help you up, okay?

-You don't have to worry.
-[Romeo] No.

[Hilaria] No hitting.

No... no hitting
is a good rule.

Come on. Come.

[exclaiming]

You wanna go up there?
You want me to sit with you?

[Ilaria] Yeah.

Oh, yes. You've come
to sit with Daddy.

Parenthood is, as many people
have learned,

if you don't have
the right person

you're doing it with,
it's painful.

If you're parenting somebody,
you have completely

divergent views
about parenting,

and you are... you are-
you both are struggling

'cause you're-
someone gets sick, someone gets injured,

someone has, uh,
difficult experiences

they're dealing with.

I mean, I say this,

and I'm... I'm always saying
these things

that I mean, and I'm just
not saying to be kind.

I couldn't be doing this
with a better person.

Yay!

[Alec] No, come.
You wanna go down?

Wanna go down to Mommy?

Hey, Lulu.

You did it! High five!

-You wanna watch Blippi?
-Yeah.

You wanna watch Blippi?

We're gonna go in the hot tub.

[Hilaria] Alec and I
have our differences.

We are so polar opposites.

And then we, like,
balance each other,

we're, like, our little
yin and yang.

That's fine.

I met you...

I talked to the universe
a lot,

and I was like,
"I need to have somebody

who's, like, exciting
and doing good in the world."

-Exhilarating?
-[Hilaria] Yeah, doing, like, fun things.

And then the universe came
and brought you to me,

-and I haven't been
bored at all. -[chuckles]

And maybe I asked
for too much, universe.

-[chuckles]
-[Alec speaking]

[Hilaria] I'm just so grateful
to my husband,

with so much unknown,

but we have still found
tremendous, uh, humor.

Just being able to watch life
as it goes forward.

That's what I want.
That's what I want.

-[barks]
-[Alec] No, no!

[Hilaria] Don't pee
on the rug!

-[barks]
-[Alec] Oh, no.

[growls]

[Hilaria] We only have
a few weeks left of summer,

and we're going to go
back into the city.

It's going to get hectic.

Carmen, you poked me
in the eye.

Well, I'm blind
in that eye now.

I did a surgery
two weeks ago.

I kept sneaking
a peek, actually.

[Hilaria chuckling] You just
started blushing. [laughs]

The biggest concern,
of course,

is that I'm 66 years old.

You have seven kids,
and you're married,

and everything is great.

Get out of the way, sonny.

The joy of being able
to stay home a lot

and be with them...

-Come here, you!
-[laughter]

[Alec] ...I love that.

One of my hopes for you
is that you can feel okay

loving acting.

So, now people are like,
"You're gonna go back to work?"

And I'm kind of like,
[sucks teeth] "I don't know."

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