Original subtitles

Okay, I don't want to brag,

but these just may be

the most extraordinary pancakes that a diabetic,

who can't even eat 'em, has ever made.

In the words of

the great Gordon Ramsay,

[British accent]: "I hope you're ready to chow down, ya donkeys."

I said, "I hope you're ready to chow down, ya donkeys."

Shh-shh-shh.

Dad, I'm trying to FaceTime.

And you sound like Shrek.

Ivy, I know you want these--

Shh-shh-shh. I'm trying to post something.

"The number one rule of good communication

is listening." Yeah.

Hashtag "Your presence is a gift."

Nina, would you tell your girlfriend that--

Shh-shh-shh.

I'm reading a new post by Dr. Reed

about communication.

"...presence is a gift."

Oh, that is so true.

Hashtag "I'm all ears."

Well, could you be all mouth and eat some pan--

Shh!

Ear emoji, ear emoji.

Okay, that's it.

I have worked my fingers to the bone

trying to make you guys a nice meal,

and this is the thanks I get? You don't even give me--

Shh. Shh.

Shush-ah!

You know what? The next person

that's shushing me, I'm gonna sh...

knock the "shush" out of 'em.

Shh.

Ow. Give that to your daughter.

You shot her out here.

All right, come here, Maya.

Don't you dare.

Watch this, he's gonna say "Mm. Phones are a racket."

Mm. These phones are a racket.

And you know what? I'm taking them away.

What? Hey! From now on...

Hey! ...Poppa's house,

phones are banned.

This is a phone... Hey!

...free zone.

I was playing a game!

I'm a grown woman.

He's coming for me, Mike. He's coming.

But what he doesn't know is that

I know parkour. Give me that.

Ha! Hey!

That's parkour, old man.

Yeah, well, you better

park your ass in that chair.

Oh, my God.

That was crazy.

What was that? A like? A follow? A share?

Come on, man, please. Just...

just let me sniff the charging port.

Just let me sniff it.

He's gotta go now, Mike. Bye.

No, Mike.

No!

We were talking about something important!

Oh--

Now somebody's gonna eat these damn pancakes.

♪ Poppa's ♪

♪ House ♪

♪ Yeah. ♪

Okay, these phones are off limits.

No! I am a doctor!

Have you lost your mind?

It's hot in here. Man, I'm cold.

Am I crying or am I sweating?

I don't even know any more. Come on, man.

Dad, I will literally trade one of my kids

for two minutes of screen time, man.

Just give it to me. You can take the cute one.

He's talking about me.

I know. I'm the stinky one.

Okay, you guys

are just too addicted.

Come on, man. I'm not addicted, baby.

I'm not addicted.

I just want to lick the bag, man.

Come on, just let me lick it. Just give me it! Hey!

Look,

we are gonna do something unique.

We're gonna talk.

Boring.

What if we took your insulin away?

How would you feel?

Dead.

So you get it.

Listen,you guys

wanted to have the family brunch.

So that means no phones.

Angry eyes. Face palm.

Thumbs down.

Three eggplants.

No. No, that's not what that means.

Okay, guys? We're gonna play a game.

Boo! Boo! Boo!

I don't care about your boos.

You boo all you want.

Has that been here the whole time?

Yes.

Oh...

Oh, don't worry, buddy, I'll get you out.

He's crying!

Okay, the game we're gonna play

is truth or dare.

Dare.

Okay.

I dare you to take a shower.

Even below the neck?

Yes.

Then truth.

Okay, truth. When was the last time

you took a shower? With water?

Oh, my...

Yes.

Never. What do I win?

You win a ten-minute shower.

"With water?"

This game sucks.

Okay,

I pick truth.

How much candy have you eaten today?

Just a little bit.

Let me see your pockets.

Holy...

Other one.

Is that all?

Aw, you're gonna end up a diabetic, just like Poppa.

Trey's right.

This game sucks.

Okay, we're gonna raise the stakes.

Ivy, truthor dare?

Truth. I have nothing to hide.

Mm-hmm.

All right, what's the biggest lie you ever told?

Oh, well, I one time said that--

To someone in this room. Ooh.

Mm.

Dare.

Wait a minute, why'd you look at me like that?

Dare.

All right. Whatever it is, you have to do it.

Nina, this is not my first

truth or dare, okay?

I got this. Bring it on.

Okay, guys. Come here. Come here.

Yeah, okay,so...

Break.Break.

Okay, wegot it.

Have you ever heard of Surströmming?

Wait, hold on. You can't mean the--

The Swedish fermented fish? Yes.

Okay, you can't make me

smell that nasty, disgusting, funk fish.

Oh, no, we wouldn't do anything like that.

That's cruel.

We're gonna make you eat it.

You can't possibly make me eat it

because it's so stank,

they don't even let it in the country.

It's better when we do it. I think so, yeah.

And you're wrong,

because I have a connection.

My sardine guy, Sven,

ya, Sven, he...

...smuggled some in.

Don't ask me how,

but the can is still warm.

Oh, it stinks through the can.

Okay. Okay, you know what?

Truth, truth. I wanna go back to truth.

The truth is, too late.

Okay. Now, I have a special key...

...that I unlock it with.

Here we go.

Mmm.

What is that smell?

Okay, I'll use soap!

How can you even do that?

It smells like somebody threw up a baby octopus's diaper.

That's how you know it's fresh.

Okay, I am not eating that.

You have to.

It's the game, and it's the only way

you gonna get your phone back.

Come on, come on. Fine!

Chew. Chew. Chew. Chew.

Chew. Chew. Chew. Chew.

Ew! Ugh!

Mm.

I just had the craziest dream.

I did it.

Okay, Junior, you're up. Truth or dare?

Oh, Dad, come on, man.

What if it's important?

What if Katt Williams just had another interview?

Please, man, just let me look at it.

Let me check it!

You will, just as soon as you finish your turn

at truth or dare.

Come on.

Dare. Dare. Dare. Dare.

Dare. Dare. Dare. Dare.

Fine. Dare.

Okay, I need to convene the conclave again.

Come on.

How about--

Oh!

How about you just don't open your mouth ever again?

Okay?

You convene over there. In sign language.

Junior, I have a dare for you.

Shave your eyebrows off.

I've shaved worse.

With your razor.

Guess where?

Here we go. Mm-hmm.

Count of three. On the count of three.

One...

Hey, hey! You said on three!

I'm an ice skater.

You always go on the one.

How does it look?

Ha-ha! You look stupid!

It's not-- Is it bad?

Holy moly!

Oh, my God!

I look like half of Voldemort.

Okay, you gotta do the other side

or it doesn't count. Yeah, yeah, come on.

No, no, no, no!

Yeah--Do not do the other side.

No!Cheater.

Do not do the other side.

Finish!

Babe? Babe?

Hey. Truth!

Truth! Truth!

Truth. Who's your celebrity-- Oh, what?

Who is your celebrity crush?

Oh, he doesn't have one.

I don't have one. Uh,

Nina is my celebrity crush.

I've seen all her movies.

'Cause I directed most of them.

Most of them?

Yeah, you sending me them selfies.

Oh, yeah, I do.

Yeah, I got something to say. Yuck!

Oh.

And you're lying.

Everyone has a celebrity crush.

Mine is me.

Ivy?

Morris Chestnut.

Junior?

I, uh,

s-stand by my earlier answer.

Okay. Ivy, I need you

to hit him with an atomic truth blast.

How does

your breath stink going in, too?

Come on, you better hurry up.

Here comes Oppenheimer.

Okay, okay, okay, okay!

Jeez!

My celebrity crush is Angel Reese.

Ivy.

Angel Reese?

The basketball player?

The tall one?

That Angel Reese?

I mean, they're all pretty tall, Nina.

No, no, no, no, no.

She's sexy and tall.

You know, I don't wanna play

this stupid game anymore.

Why are you getting so angry?

Because now I know why

you went to that WNBA game.

The tickets were cheap.

They were $7. I got floor seats...

for the season.

The season?

How long have you been fixated on her?

I-I wouldn't call it fixated.

You know, I just, I... I like her fundamentals, you know?

She has really good ball-handling skills.

Wait, no.

I just like the way she backs up on the D.

Hold on!

The way she penetrates to the hole--

Hey, now.

They made me s--

Is she really upset about this?

Yeah. I can only like people that are shorter than her.

Lil' Kim, Tinkerbell...

Kevin Hart...

You better go fix that.

Go away, Mr. Reese.

You really think I have a shot?

No, but I think you're about to get shot.

Honey, can we talk, please?

I'm-- I reall-- Ooh,

you're not supposed to bend the collar on that shirt.

No?

Why don't you get Angel Reese to do it?

Sounds like you've been thinking about bending her.

I didn't want to say Angel Reese.

But you did.

Because you guys made me say it.

I didn't.

So tell me this, when you say you're watching sports,

what you're really watching is her

jiggling up and down the court

in those little shorts.

It's "dribbling" up and down the court in those little shorts.

Babe, what do you want me to say?

You alreadysaid it.

You picked the woman who is

the complete opposite of everything I am.

She's ten years younger than me,

she's twicemy size.

She's a professional athlete, which I never got to be.

She's the anti-me.

She isn't Nina. She's "Ni-not."

So you get it.

Ah, ah.

Hey, guys.

Oh, no.

I just washed the curtains.

Poppa told me to come over here...

...and to keep talking

until you guys return to finish the game,

and if you don't move, to start whistling.

Go, go, oh, my God... Okay, seriously, Ivy...

We're coming!

Come on, it can't be that bad.

Okay, Nina,

your turn.

Truth...

or dare?

Truth.

What was the best year of your life?

2013.

2013-- Wait a minute,

that was the year we broke up after I proposed.

Exactly. And it was the best year of my life.

My girlfriends and I rented a house

and spent the entire summer on the Jersey Shore.

I got my first tattoo, and

I made out with Ryan from the shaved ice stand.

You made out with Eight-Finger Ryan?

He had nine fingers,

and that ninth finger really did the trick.

To be honest,

I didn't even know he had hands

because all I could see

were his abs.

So his abs were the best year of your life?

Not the birth of our children,

not the year we got married, his abs.

No, I see what you're doing here.

You know, just because I chose Angel Reese,

you're retaliating with Six-Finger Ryan.

Why do you keep removing fingers?

Because I know where they've been.

The year I choose

has nothing to do

with you and your girlfriend Angel.

Well, then, why'd you bring her up, then?

Hmm? I rest my case.

- This game is over. - No.

Sit down. We're gonna finish the game.

Why?

You're the only one having fun.

I mean, between this game

and Ivy's breath, it's torture.

At least when we had our phones,

we weren't mad at each other.

Yeah, and I had both my eyebrows.

Look, when I was a kid, we couldn't hide behind

cell phones because they didn't exist.

Was there fighting?

Yes, but we talked through it,

we worked through it, and that

brought us closer together.

So, that was your plan this whole time?

To make us fight? No,

that was just a happy accident.

Okay.

And I would rather you guys fight and talk it out

than to pretend to get along, hiding behind them damn phones.

Well, Dad, we all lose.

Nina and I aren't speaking to each other--

Oh, now we're not speaking?

I didn't start it, you did.

And Ivy probably has something to say,

but no one wants to smell it.

Don't you dare

open that stink mouth.

You happy, Dad?

Look, I didn't want to express

my attraction for Angel Reese.

Y'all made me, and that was my answer.

But you picked the worst possible person.

We have nothing in common.

You're wrong, Nina.

She's actually a lot like you.

She's beautiful,

athletic, competitive, intelligent.

She stands up for herself.

I want to believe you,

but I can't tell if you're lying with that eyebrow.

Oh.

No, wrong eye.

Oh.

Switch again.

It's funnier this way...

...but more sincere the other way.

But I believe you.

Yeah, well, you hurt my feelings, too.

I mean,the best

year of your life was the year you broke up with me?

Yeah, but you didn't let me finish.

I broke off our engagement

because the commitment scared me.

And that was the best year of my life

because being away from you made me realize

how much I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

And that was my happiest moment.

Aw, honey.

Yikes.

It's good to see you two getting along.

And to answer your question, Junior,

no, I'm not happy.

Which is why I brought takeout

as a peace offering.

And don't worry, I fumigated Ivy's mouth

with turpentine, bleach

and a little bit of Spic N Span.

And she has extra protection. Show 'em.

Yeah.

So, let's eat.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

You're the only one here

who hasn't put themselves on the line with the game.

So, truth or dare?

Truth.

Okay. Um... oh. Here's your question:

Tell us what your life would be like

without each of us in it? The truth.

Oh, you want to go there? Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Let's start with Nina.

If Nina hadn't married Junior,

I wouldn't have my two beautiful grandchildren,

I wouldn't be able to eat her delicious lasagna every week

and, most of all, Junior would probably

still be living in my house.

So I thank you for unburdening me with him.

Aw. Thank you, Poppa.

He's right, babe.

I'd have been homeless.

Okay, do me next.

Okay, Ivy, without you in my life,

I wouldn't have our podcast,

I wouldn't

know anything about maintaining healthy relationships,

and mostof all,

I wouldn't have...

What was that? Wait.

Excuse me? Wait, wait, wait.

Huh? What, somebody say something? Hmm?

Hold on, hold on.

Did you just call me your new best friend?

Yes.

Aw, P-Bear.

I take it back.

Which brings me to Junior.

Yes.

You know, when I was 26 years old,

I found out that Junior was on his way.

I was scared to death.

I didn't know how to take care of myself,

let alone a baby.

But from

the very first moment that I held you in my arms,

I realized that I was a father...

...and that made me

want to be a man,

and that's the best gift anyone has ever given me.

Oh, that was so good.

I made you a man.

Yeah, now would you start acting like one?

Look, I know

this game brought up resentment

and, you know, all kinds of issues,

but we worked it out.

And that's got to feel good.

You know?

We spent the whole day together without phones.

I bet you guys didn't even miss them.

Oh, no,we did. No, I wanted mine so bad.

People could've died.

Do you understand? I'm a doctor.

Okay, okay.

Then you're gonna love my surprise.

Surprise!

Yes!

There you go.

Aw, yes. Give me! Give me that!

Ooh, it's sticky.

Why'd you put it

in the same bag as the Chinese food?

Hey, you want the phone back or not?

No, I want it.

Let's eat.

What's the matter? Ain't you hungry?

No, yeah, I just, um...

why don't we just leave our phones here

and have dinner as a family?

Yeah.

Hello.

Well, I mean, technically,

I'm not really family,

so how about I just hold onto mine?

No, it's too late. You're in this family now.

Aw, P-Bear.

Okay.

Let's eat.

Wait, where are the kids?

Well, I could call them, if we had our phones.

How about this?

Hey, kids! Come eat!

This is nice, Jack. This is very nice.

Oh. Wow.

- What is that? - Reminds me of Ivy.

Marker.

It's so calming.

I need to convene the conclave.

Convene the conclave. Convene the conclave.

Okay, I need to "convlene" the "conflave."

Toodle-oo!

Captioning sponsored by CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org