Original subtitles

(Male Announcer reads text on screen)

(Musical jingle)

Rebecca: Good morning, sleepy head.

Jasmeet: Good morning.

How did you sleep?

Okay. Your snoring really kicked in

the last quarter of the night.

Yeah, but it's nice, right?

'Cause it's like a white noise machine...

So nice.

Helps you stay calm and relaxed. (imitating snoring)

(laughing)

(phone alarm dinging)

(sighing)

I have to get ready for work.

What? No. Five more minutes. Come on. Just hit snooze.

I already hit snooze ten times! You sleep through anything.

- I'm jealous. - (imitating snoring)

Wait. What? You were saying something?

- Yeah. - Oh.

Okay.

Rebecca: I am gonna be a little late tonight.

I have rehearsals after work.

Then, I have to stop and get some groceries.

Why don't I just grab groceries for you?

Rebecca: You don't have to do that.

You're still adjusting to moving in

and... you don't even know what sauces I like.

It's chill. Just send me a list.

I only have a little bit of editing left to do.

I've been so much more productive here

now that nobody's distracting me, like, every two seconds.

Ouch!

I'm not enough of a distraction?

I'll give you another shot.

So, how about... three more minutes?

Yeah?

- Okay, I gotta go to work. - Wait. No!

- I gotta go to work. - Ugh, come on.

I gotta go to work. I gotta go.

Ugh.

- Rebecca: Bye. - Fine.

(door closing)

Damn! This is where you've been staying?

You've been holding out on me!

Okay, what is even half these things?

"Shiitake infused maple aioli, "living lettuce,

"truffle almonds"?

Look, she just like really cares what she puts in her body.

Clearly not, if she's putting you in there.

- I knew that was coming. - Is she though?

And I knew that was coming as well.

Don't- you can't use it twice, so...

Yo, this shit is so expensive. How are you affording this?

She's paying for everything, isn't she?

No, she's not paying for... all of it.

My money's tight, but I still pay my share, okay?

Chippy: Sure.

Well, hey, I got a paid gig for you, if you want.

Really?

I'm hosting my first slam poetry event

for South Asian artists!

Wow! Thank God! You finally did it!

- I did it! - You finally are doing it!

- Yeah! - Good for you! Yeah!

And I need a special guest judge. So, you want it?

Sure. When?

- Saturday. - Chippy, man, what the hell?

You always tell me these things like two days in advance.

- What? - I'm going to Nobu

on Saturday with Rebecca.

Of course you are.

She made a reservation, like, forever ago.

All right, fine. Let your sugar mama spoil you.

Look, it's fine.

I'm doing the same thing -

I'm seeing the guy who owns the venue.

- He's hooking me up. - You're seeing your guy?

Ah. Finally, something that's normal.

Yeah, that was, uh- that was on my list.

This is basically just my entire list. Just Maggi.

Yeah, because that's the tax bracket

that you should be eating in.

(sizzling)

Hey.

- Hey. - Wow!

It smells really good.

Yeah, you know, just your perfect domestic gharwala

cooking for his kamaanevali, you know?

Oh, I got everything on your list,

and I snagged some Maggi noodles.

M... Maggi?

Yeah. Why'd you give me that look?

You've never had Maggi noodles before?

You're joking, right?

No. Am I missing something?

Dude, these are the greatest noodles on the planet.

Oh, my God, I'm about to put you into the world

of affordable deliciousness.

I'll e-transfer you for the groceries.

What? Why? I can cover half.

I pay half the rent, don't I?

Yeah, it really doesn't matter.

Wait. So, is it more than what you asked me for?

Come on.

Okay, um...

your half is more like half of half.

Okay, well, next month, I'll pay double of double.

Sure.

Oh. I kinda love it.

Kinda?

Kinda? There's nothing that comes close.

Not ramen, not your precious pho,

not some Michelin star Saigon, udon,

your mom, my mom, egg drop.

Okay, now you kind of have me really excited for Nobu.

Uh, about that...

Okay, just hear me out.

What if, instead,

we went to this cute little romantic slam poetry event?

It's got all South Asian artists.

Plus, they asked me to be a guest judge.

And you can help me judge,

and you know how much we enjoy judging people together, so...

Okay. Um...

You know what?

It sounds like a super cute date.

- You sure? - Yeah.

Nobu will still be there next time.

Okay, great.

Oh, um,

did you get that truffle umami hoisin sauce I asked for?

I feel like it would just be really good in here.

The fuck did you just say?

(South Asian hip hop music playing)

Okay, Mr. Surprise Guest Judge, I see you.

Yeah, I mean, it's no Dancing with the Stars.

You mean you'd want to judge that?

No, I'm setting us up to compete.

Rebecca: Oh, yeah? (chuckling)

Wow! He's here! And on time!

Yep.

Hey. You must be Rebecca.

It's so nice to finally meet you.

- I'm Chippy. - Hi.

I've heard so much about you.

Jasmeet told me that you helped with groceries the other day.

I did.

Yo, your condo is gorgeous.

- Oh. - If y'all need a third,

let me know.

Oh, my God. Don't listen to her.

She's got this stupid, dumb-ass sense of humour.

- Everything okay, baby? - Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh, this is Umair.

He owns this place.

It's really great to meet you guys,

especially you, Jasmeet.

I've been a huge fan of yours.

We should find some ways to link and build.

Why don't you take my number down and we'll connect?

- Yeah, absolutely. - Absolutely, man.

Just let me know when.

For sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, totally.

(phone ringing)

Hold that thought. I'll be right back.

Hey, brother!

Chippy: Say it.

I mean, he's not your usual type,

I'll tell you that.

Types are discriminatory.

Look, he's more than just... that.

I mean, he's already doing all this linking and building.

What more could he do than all that?

Stop.

?

Um, what the fuck? You never told me he was going to show up.

He's my friend, too.

Okay, well, how long do I have to stay before I get paid?

I don't know. Until the judging is over?

Uh, is everything okay here?

Everything's fine. Okay.

Look, just get this thing started already, okay?

- You serious, right now? - Yeah, right now, hurry. Okay?

- I'm gonna go get us a drink. - Oh, okay.

Um, a white wine for me, please. Th- thank you.

Um... (sighing)

What exactly happened between the two of them?

Uh...

That Gora mother-effer sold his dad some coke or some shit.

The fuck are you talking- just don't listen to him.

Sonny has a stupid, dumbass sense of...

everything.

Look, I think it's just better if Jasmeet tells you himself.

Fair enough.

Yo! What's up guys?

Neal! How's it going?

- Good. How are you? - Good.

Hi. Poetry...

Yeah.

Hey, I'm Neal. I don't think we met.

Hi, I'm Rebecca.

Oh, you're Jasmeet's...

uh, thing.

Uh, yeah.

I've heard great things about you.

Yeah, right.

Listen, why don't we all take a seat?

We're about to get started.

You sit.

So, how tall are you?

Oh, I'm, um... like, 5'2".

5'2".

- Yeah. - I knew it.

(exhaling sharply)

(exhaling sharply)

(muffled chattering and laughing)

Man (muffled:) Oh my God. Holy shit.

(laughing)

(fly unzipping)

(sniffing)

Jas!

Taking a shit with your pants on, huh?

Bro, what are you doing here?

Bro, I'm performing, of course.

I figured I'd take my parchar seva outside the walls

of the Gurdwara.

Nice.

And enter the realms of Slam Poetry.

Yo, I heard you're being a judge.

Yeah.

Bro, I expect respectable scores from you.

Honestly, I'm going to judge people fairly.

Yo, fuck what's fair!

You better give me high scores, man.

I fucking need this.

Don't make me put you in the kainci again

like in Gatka class.

Yo, speaking of which, I'm very proud of you.

I expected you to be in Hollywood and shit,

jet skiing with the Rock,

John Cena, fucking Undertaker, all those guys, bro.

But yo, you chose to stay grounded,

low level with us humble folk.

I really respect that.

Shake my hand, bro.

Yo, just...

Have you washed your hands?

Yo bro, I haven't touched my dick here, don't worry.

Respect, yo.

Yo, you're holding it down. But don't disappoint me, eh?

High scores.

- Okay, man. I got you. - Shallah, bro.

(thudding)

I'll see you out there.

I just gotta take a big shit.

(groaning)

- Oh! - (loud flatulence)

- (loud flatulence) - (speaking Punjabi)

Where are the drinks?

(sighing) Shit. I forgot.

I'm so sorry.

Hey, it's okay.

We'll just grab drinks at intermission.

Jasmeet: Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Chippy: All right, everyone.

Welcome to Brown on Brown Rhyme -

a place for all you sexy hoes to talk your shit.

(audience cheering)

Okay!

Give it up for our judges, including our celebrity guest,

that's right, our homegrown

internet sensation, Jasmeet Dutta.

(audience cheering)

(cheering)

Woman: I love you, Jasmeet!

Diggidum, diggidum, diggidum.

Diggidum, diggidum, diggidum! I gallop into the battlefield

with the strong, powerful Sikh warrior,

pressing his thick sinewy thighs

against my precious fur.

Ask me where I'm from, it's not a trap,

circle Sri Lanka on your map.

(singing Punjabi cover of Jason Mraz "I'm Yours")

?

I lead him to his first victim.

(grunting)

Akaluh!

Rifts and shifts that make me me,

you bitches can't even spell 'Sinhalese'!

All they see is Desi.

(audience snapping)

(snapping)

(singing Punjabi cover of "I'm Yours")

I'm leaving you for him.

- I completely understand. - Mm-hmm.

I might actually leave you for him.

That's fair.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Ripe mango

drip, drips, drips,

down my chin,

through my mother's weary fingers,

into the jowls of the patriarch.

(sighing)

Thank you.

(man coughing)

When the dusk of the sky...

falls...

Are you two related?

- No. - Are you sure?

Yeah, never seen him in my life.

I can't read this word,

so I'm just going to guess.

(neighing loudly)

This poem...

was from the perspective...

of a horse.

Thank you.

Yo, Singh, fix that.

You trying to disrespect me?

Bro, you could do better than that shit, eh?

Yo, I'm not leaving the stage till it's perfect, eh?

All right, yo, respect. Appreciate that.

(audience applauding)

All right, y'all, big thanks to all our performers so far

for their powerful words.

We'll be back with more after a quick intermission.

Wait, wait, everyone,

go mix, mingle, socialize, but most importantly,

head over to the bar for a drink or two.

I hear the Mumbai Mule's especially fire.

All right.

Jasmeet: What kind of name is that for a drink?

I don't know.

Um, I'll go get those drinks now.

- Okay. - Okay, cool.

Okay, please, white wine.

- Mm-hmm. Got you. - White wine.

Can you repeat it back to me?

- Jasmeet: Yep. White Mule. - (sighing)

- Excuse me. - Excuse me. Sorry.

Sorry. I'm a judge. Excuse me.

Sorry, guys. Sorry, I'm a judge. Just trying to get through.

Sorry. I'm a judge. Sorry about that.

- Excuse me, guys. - Yo, Singh.

What are you doing at the bar?

Better not be putting liquid poison inside of you.

Oh, no, no. I'm just grabbing my girlfriend a drink.

Yo, you have a girlfriend? Who drinks?

It's just for medical reasons.

Have I seen her at the Gurdwara. Who is she?

Who's her dad?

You know what? I actually think,

uh... I should head back to my judging seat

because the show's about to start again.

Yeah, it looks like people are funnelling back. So, uh...

Yeah. I'll talk to you later, though.

Hey.

Um, hey, everyone,

just a quick announcement.

Break is over,

so if you guys can make your way back to your seats.

Lotta poetry to slam

and hookah to sheesh!

Thank you, guys.

Yo, you shouldn't be having a girlfriend, bro.

You should have a wife at this point.

Look how fucking old you are.

Why am I even fucking here at this shisha bar, bro?

There's tobacco everywhere.

(hookah's bubbling, music playing)

Oh, sorry.

What's, uh- What's this?

Oh, uh, they didn't have, uh, uh, whatever you asked for.

so I just got you this.

Oh. Okay.

Uh, now that we're all back a little sooner than expected...

...give it up for our next round

of Brown on Brown Rhyme performers! Yeah!

- Whoo! - (audience applauding)

That's- that's spicy.

Both: We were once one.

1947.

Yugan: Parted from our families.

We see them on the horizon.

With love in our hearts, we have "her eyes on"

the sea.

Colonization.

The White man.

Man: Shame on the White man. Shame!

Both: Christianity.

- Wiping our blood - Crowd: Shame!

- No more! - No more.

- No more! - No more!

Both: Erase the borders and let's join as one!

(audience cheering)

(cheering)

Iqbal: Hah! Yeah!

(audience applauding)

(sighing)

Hey...

Hey.

Hey, so, uh, is it just me

or did that poem really speak to you?

It's not just you. It's- it's rough.

Yeah.

So, um...

how is he?

He's...

good... I think.

Can never really tell with him.

Yeah. He can really get in his own head, huh?

Yeah.

(sighing) Listen,

I don't know what happened between the two of you,

but, um, I hope you can figure it out.

Yeah.

Well, um... I'm gonna go back inside.

- Okay. - Okay.

Oh, um...

...does he still snore, like, really loud?

Oh, my God! Like, yes, like really loud.

- Yeah, like... - Like...

- ...inhumanely loud. - Inhumanely loud.

- It's so bad. - It's really bad.

How does it-

It's like a chainsaw going off in a garage in hell.

Oh my God,

and the garage is my inner ear, yeah.

Yikes.

You know, if you plug his nose for like five seconds,

it'll give you like half an hour of sleep.

- Really? - Yeah.

And what if I do that for, like, an hour?

A lifetime of bliss.

(sighing) I love that for me.

- You should do it. - I think I might.

- Do it tonight. Yeah. - I will.

Hopefully, I don't make the news.

Well, I'm gonna go.

- All right. - Okay.

See ya.

(door opening)

(audience applauding)

Big thank you to Ruby Tent Lounge

for making space for us to make space.

(audience applauding, cheering)

I'd like to say something, if there's still time.

We're just about to pick the winner.

Please.

Okay.

Looks like we have one last performance

from none other than our very dear friend, Neal.

Everybody give it up for Neal.

(audience applauding, cheering)

Thanks.

Hi, I'm Neal,

or Harneel, if you're pissed at me,

like my dad, when he finds my weed.

(audience laughing)

I don't know what I am... truly.

I don't know what the fuck I am.

I love too much and too hard.

Why?

For who? I'll never be one of you.

I'm gonna go use the bathroom.

Neal: I can be stupid. You can be cruel.

- Now? - Yeah.

Turning your back on me,

like we're back in school.

Let me go. Set me free.

I need to figure out who I'm supposed to be.

Intrinsically.

I go to the Gurdwara, and I say everything wrong.

Umair: Hey, man.

Neal: They think I'm a convert. They think I don't belong.

Why you at the bar?

Oh, I'm just grabbing a drink for my girlfriend.

In the middle of a performance?

Yeah, you know, girlfriends, right?

Uh...

Look, I'm probably gonna have to duck out of here early,

so should I talk to you about the payment

or reach out to Chippy or...?

Well, it's Chippy's event, but it's my money.

I'm not paying you shit.

Why not?

First of all, you've been

super unprofessional all night, bro.

You just ignored me

when I asked for your number to link and build,

which is your loss, by the way.

And then you ended intermission early

while everyone was still in line for drinks.

How do you think I make my money, huh?

How?

Do you really want me to...

Bar sales.

And now you want to duck out on your judging duties.

Why the fuck would anyone want to pay you?

(Neal continuing indistinctly)

You know I was surprised you hadn't blown up yet,

but I get it now.

You're one messy-ass dude.

Neal: I don't belong anywhere.

Fitting in is a must.

Lock me up or set me free.

I need to figure out who I'm supposed to be.

Me.

Neal.

I'm out.

Oh.

Sorry. Mic drop.

(mic thudding, emitting feedback)

Chippy: All right, okay.

Thank you, Neal! Yeah! Okay!

(audience applauding)

Hey, there you are.

- Hey. - You okay?

You've been acting super weird all night.

I know.

Just hear me out. (clearing throat)

(with Punjabi accent:) Roses are red,

violets are blue,

I'm dumbass...

White wine for my boo.

Look who finally got my order right.

Yeah, and I definitely did not steal that from the bar. So...

...if anybody asks, didn't happen.

Rebecca: Ugh.

Ahh... I mean, of course this guy would stock it

with the shittiest wine possible.

Well, you know, you're turning me on

to the world of affordable deliciousness.

So, uh...

Neal's poem... that was pretty introspective.

Yeah, it was... chill.

I don't know.

Are you ever going to tell me

what happened between the two of you?

Honestly, I kind of just want to get past it, man.

I don't want that stuff holding me back.

Okay, but, uh, hear me out.

What if not talking about it...

is what's holding you back?

You know I'm right.

Yeah.

(sighing)

So, um, Chippy did really good in there.

Yeah, she killed it.

I mean, would you really know?

Because you were kind of checked out the whole time.

What are you talking about?

I was judging there right beside you.

Hmm. Are you sure about that?

What?

Dude, I could repeat the whole show for you.

Okay, please do.

- Bar for bar, word for word... - Okay. Okay.

...performer for performer.

Please do me the honour.

Okay. Do you have another three and a half hours?

I have all the time in the world.

- Perfect. Get comfortable. - I will. I'm super comfortable.

- You got your drink? You set? - Yeah, I'm good.

(sighing)

Juicy, sweaty, sweat dripping

down your brow,

post-Pilates, all over the bed,

and on Jasmeet's clothes.

That doesn't sound like me.

All right, how about this one?

(clearing throat)

(making clopping sounds)

That is the poem from the perspective

of a horseshoe on the horse in the battlefield.

- (laughing) - Put your fists up.

All you guys better be drinking apple juice.

- (Rebecca laughing) - Okay. Next one?

Rebecca: Next, next.

We were once, once, one,

together, couple,

until we went to a poetry slam,

and the boyfriend started acting weird.

The girlfriend was sad until he grabbed the bottle of wine

from the colonizers and they drank

as the boyfriend entertained her.

She laughed and laughed and laughed the night away

because he's so funny and he actually did listen

to every single performance.

- Rebecca: Um... - Your favourite coming up.

Rebecca: Okay, my favourite, please. Thank you.

(imitating Punjabi cover of "I'm Yours")

? Yeah, yeah, yeah ? (singing in Punjabi)

(singing in high pitch)

- Rebecca: Oh, my ears! - This is gross.

Okay, let's go somewhere else and get a proper bottle.

- Rebecca: Okay. - This is disgusting.

Let's get out of here.

Rebecca: (laughing) Where are we going?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0