Original subtitles

(Male Announcer reads text on screen)

(Musical jingle)

(music playing)

(car passing)

(rustling)

(man clearing throat)

(chair creaking)

(exhaling, sniffing)

(tapping, sighing)

Okay. Look. I know a lot of you guys have been asking

the same question over and over again, so yes.

I moved out a couple months ago.

I have my own place, and this is not to shit on people

that still live at home, okay? It's still underrated,

but in order for me to become

the self-actualized grown man that I want to be,

I can't do all that in my childhood home.

Now, I can finally thrive.

(buzzing)

(clicking)

I just needed to spread these wings so I could fly.

That's a terrible metaphor.

It was the first thing that came to my head.

I'm sorry, but keeping it in the edit. Don't care.

That's the process... of me becoming a evolved man.

I love living on my own.

(toilet flushing, people shouting)

(people shouting, vacuum whirring)

?

Three months...

is long... enough.

Oh, yeah?

Rebecca: Mm-hmm.

Jasmeet: Do not look at me with those Nala ass eyes.

- What eyes? - Yeah.

- You know what you're doing. - (Rebecca laughing)

Look. If you feel like you're ready,

then, uh, I'm ready.

I... know. You...

feel ready.

(both laughing)

It's a boner. What can I do?

(Rebecca laughing)

?

(laughing)

?

(retching outside)

(Rebecca groaning)

(coughing, retching outside)

Yo, come on, man! (knocking)

(coughing, retching continuing)

You know, the guy has allergies.

- Mm. - I feel bad for him, honestly.

Sure.

(coughing, retching continuing)

(video game booming, shooting, people shouting)

(Rebecca laughing)

- It's fine. - You know,

the video game noises actually drown everything out,

so we can be as loud as we want.

- Oh. - This is a good thing.

(laughing) Okay.

(booming, shouting continuing)

Okay. Okay. Okay. No. We're doing this right now.

(Rebecca laughing)

?

- (banging) - Yo!

- Rebecca: Shit. - Dude!

Parminder: Sorry.

Jasmeet: Now?

Rebecca: Oh, my God.

(music playing outside)

Are you kidding?

Jasmeet: Dude, how long is this going to take?

(sighing)

(Sighing)

(beeping)

Parminder: You guys continue.

- Uh- - Yo!

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

(Parminder muttering)

(door closing)

That never happened.

- For sure, sure, sure. - Yeah, yeah.

Let's just pretend that never happened.

- Okay. - All right.

(man speaking Punjabi outside)

- (Jasmeet sighing) - (man continuing to speak)

Okay. This is just way too weird for me now.

Rebecca: Yeah.

(man continuing to speak)

?

(neighbour coughing)

I'm sorry about that.

We'll try again later.

It's not usually like this.

(scoffing) It's not?

Yeah. I mean, sometimes, there's... karaoke, you know?

These guys love to sing, especially, like,

2005 Babbu Mann, which everyone should.

He's got classics.

All right. I'll just shut up.

Look. I'm just happy you feel ready.

I was scared that, uh, we were rushing things.

Well, not scared, just-

Yeah. Same, but you were right

about waiting.

I'm sorry. I was what?

You were right.

- One more time. - No!

There's something real here, right?

Yeah. Of course.

You know, that's why I want everything to be perfect

for when we, uh...

Yeah. Obviously, we can't do that here.

(chuckling)

You don't like being here?

I like being with you.

But we can't, like, be together here.

What? To the soundtrack of horking men?

(sighing) Okay. Look.

I think that was just, like, a one-time thing.

- (banging) - Dude, seriously?

It'll just be another second. I...

- (Rebecca groaning) - (Parminder speaking Punjabi)

It's not that I don't like your place.

I just feel like, for things that are more adult,

my place makes more sense.

- Adult? - Yeah.

So, what kind of adult is this place?

I mean, is this all you have to drink?

It's- it's great. You have your own room

with a door that locks sometimes.

Yeah. I know it's not, like, the perfect place for dates,

but it's, like, the right vibe for me right now, you know?

It's like my Silicon Valley start-up.

We're all just out here hustling.

Rebecca: Yeah, but don't you think

that it's just too busy to get any work done?

Yeah. I mean, I don't really have a choice.

You can move back home.

I mean... there's always my place.

(people speaking Punjabi on radio)

Oh! Hello!

Supinder?

(people speaking Punjabi on radio)

Gurdeep: Gym queen?

Oh, and I called Jogi Uncle.

I helped him book his flight. He's coming early,

like, end of next week.

Oh, very good.

He can sleep downstairs in the basement.

Right. In the "guest room".

Okay. I'm going.

(Gurdeep sniffing)

(clicking, rattling, fan stopping)

Woman: I can't believe you guys haven't hooked up yet.

I can believe it.

Rebecca is not like you.

She's a good, respectable woman with traditional values.

Oh, I agree. She sounds very traditional.

She was with her guy for nine years.

If we rush this, we'd just, like, instantly fuck it up.

Cool. Maybe you and Rebecca double date

- with Sunny and his wife. - Hell no.

I'm not married.

Don't you have, like, three kids?

I think four now.

Congratulations!

Thanks.

Bro, how many people live here?

Dude, I don't know, and I don't ask.

Hey, you back to designing yet?

I was thinking about getting Rebecca something

for our three month-iversary.

Chippy: I would, but I'm creatively tapped out

after all the Raysha bullshit.

Mm.

- I'm in my ho-cializing era. - Ho-sha what?

Sure. When I call her a ho,

I'm a polygamist.

- Misogynist. - What?

Jasmeet: Anyways, Rebecca actually hinted

at something yesterday- like, maybe I should be

at her place-

What?

- a little more permanently.

Sunny: Uh-uh. Your place is shit.

No doubt about it.

Hundred percent. All facts. No lies.

But don't even leave a fucking toothbrush

at her place, bro.

Why? What's wrong with that?

You're talking about living with someone

before you've ever had sex or even said "I love you."

- Facts! - Jasmeet: Our parents did that.

What? You guys are, like, too Western now?

They made me. They made you.

Plus, this is all I can afford right now.

Yeah, but you can afford to make it nicer.

Like, it doesn't take much-

a leather couch, a massage chair,

indoor sauna, maybe a tandoori oven.

Chippy: Taco truck, nail salon.

You dumb? Where's he supposed to fit that shit in here?

- (slamming door) - Parminder: Penchod!

Sorry. It was Rebecca.

She was thirsty and craving it.

I- I couldn't say no, man.

Fuck.

- Thanks for coming through. - Sunny: Yeah.

- Bye. - See you. Thanks.

Thanks for what? The guy didn't ask, no cha,

no panipuri, pakora, samosa. Nothing.

- That's true. - I gave you water.

What do you think this is, a Brar Sweets? Okay?

- You just came to hang out. - Yo, he didn't have

hand soap in the washroom!

Yeah. It's kind of sad.

Hello?

- Oh, fuck. - Uh...

Raji Aunty: Standard inspection.

Oh, you have a lot of cousins, don't you?

- Yep, yep, yep, yep. - Raji Aunty: Sure?

Yeah. You know, my mom has, like, 10 siblings.

Just watch.

You don't have a actual job?

Raji Aunty: That's my job.

That's my part-time job.

My husband is a pious man.

I don't know.

I completely understand, Aunty.

We don't want to create any problems.

You know, I don't want to tempt your husband with a woman,

just a regular woman.

Raji Aunty: Shut up!

Sunny: Oh, I think I know your husband, Aunty Ji.

You give him good discount?

You sure you moved out?

(Raji Aunty speaking Punjabi outside)

(man speaking Punjabi on radio)

(door opening)

- (door closing) - Neal: Pooji?

She went out. You are back again?

Hey, what can I say?

(in New York accent) It's hard to stay away

from the hospitality over here.

What?

(in usual accent) I'm here picking up deliveries.

Is Pooji coming back soon?

Whoa. What are you making, an omelette?

It's a bird nest, stupid.

I told Jasmeet years ago to cover that vent outside,

but he didn't,

so now, birds.

So, you just took it out?

Let's see what the algorithm says about this.

Al... who?

- (beeping) - What happens to birds

if you move their nest while they are still eggs?

Phone: If you move a bird's nest with the baby birds inside,

they would be abandoned by their mother.

The baby will likely die of starvation

or be eaten by bigger birds,

who will violently devour them,

first dismembering their heads,

removing the entire spine with to allow for easy access

to peck away at their innards,

freeing the stomach cavity,

intestines, and other bodily organs-

- Oh, that's enough of that. - (beeping)

That's really bad.

So, you want me to put it back?

Phone: Now playing "You Want Me" by the Pudding Bags.

You've already orphaned them, so they're going to die

a horrible, violent death,

but who am I to talk, you know?

I love tandoori chicken,

especially yours, grill master Phuphar.

Hmm.

Neal: All right. Let me know when they hatch.

We could make an omelette.

(staple gun clicking)

(staple gun clicking)

Oh. It's pretty sick, right?

Put some egg cartons up for soundproofing.

Got a blanket up.

It's, like, soundproofing but just, like, general vibes.

Oh, you guys can, uh, borrow some of this stuff

when I'm done with it if you want.

This is against the rules, man.

- Yeah. - What? Why?

I'm- I'm making upgrades.

Bro, it's a landlord, not our parents.

Yeah.

The gyani is not gonna do anything.

She's just always giving empty threats.

You guys just need to relax, man.

Trust me. I'm making this place better.

It's called tenants' rights.

We can do whatever we want, because we pay rent.

That's not why we pay rent.

Who the hell is this guy?

Uh, he lives here.

Since when? I've never seen him in my life.

He's a night shift guy.

Have you seen their faces?

Okay. Chill out, bro.

I'm here to do the same thing.

I'm trying to get this money, too.

That's not what he said.

Well, look likes I did a pretty good job, then, huh?

Shut up, man.

It's called tenant's rights! Okay?

Look it up!

I think it looks sick.

Woman on TV: All right. You are looking

at the jet stream right now.

We're looking at a map of southern Ontario.

As you can see here, the jet streams

are going from south to north. They're coming across...

- (doorbell ringing) - And that lake effect

is going to kick in, making tomorrow

possibly even blusterier...

Supinder: Chippy! Come in.

Hi, Aunty. How are you?

- Smells good in here. - Is Jasmeet okay?

Yeah. No. Don't worry. He's fine. I saw him earlier today.

I'm actually here for Maanvi. Is she home?

She will be back. Please come in.

How is Jasmeet?

I don't see him.

It's okay. I know the whole... you know.

This must be really hard.

I'm so sorry.

How are you?

I- I'm fine.

(door opening)

Maanu, you are back home?

- Look who is here. - (beeping)

Hey, you have one of those cool smart watches, huh?

Aunty, those watches mean that you never, ever miss

a message from people who are your friends

or people who think they're your friends.

Wow. That's great.

I'm just trying to understand the timeline.

Did I say something?

Because I told you, whatever you decide to do,

I'll support you.

Yeah, and I really appreciate that.

Do you?

Because it... it really feels

like you decided to go forward with this wedding

and somehow I got cut out of your life.

I've just been busy.

Planning a wedding is a lot of work.

The food, the guests, the cakes.

You wouldn't believe the number of cakes.

Someone tried to convince me to go sponge cake.

Like, are you crazy?

Okay. Cool. So, this is what we're doing now?

Weddings are work?

Fuck it.

OMG! I'm so happy for you guys!

And hey, you let me know if you need any help at all, okay?

Okay. Thanks. I will.

(scoffing)

Jasmeet on video: I don't think

my "spreading my wings to fly" analogy is that bad.

- (knocking) - Okay? And birds are cool.

- Yeah. My man spittin'. - (phone chiming)

They fly. What other animal flies?

- Oh, shit. - (knocking)

Hey. Sorry about that. I couldn't hear

because of the soundproofing that I've done now.

(video game noise)

Rebecca: Whoa!

This is, uh, actually a lot better than I expected.

Ah, this was all you.

You know, you were right.

This place wasn't good enough for either of us,

and... (snapping)

(groaning) It was working this morning.

(grunting)

- ...private. - Oh.

We got a lock.

The walls are covered up.

There's soundproofing.

It's just the perfect thing for work.

- Mm. - You know?

- Mm-hmm. - And maybe that other thing.

- (laughing) - You know?

- Mm. So, these egg cartons. - Mm-hmm?

They work, uh, both ways?

- I guess we should test it out. - (laughing)

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

No. Seriously, it's, uh, fully hork-proof, right?

Yeah. It's got the whole, uh, hork fortification.

- Ah. - The hork-ification.

Rebecca: I get it. I get it. I believe you.

Please don't say "hork" again.

Jasmeet: I want to give you a little show.

(Rebecca chuckling)

Oh!

- (laughing) - My eye.

Time for the pants.

Okay. No. This is dumb. I don't think there's,

like, a sexy way to take off pants,

so why don't you just pretend like this is sexy?

- Rebecca: Totally. - Take this off real quick.

(grunting) Oh, shit!

Ah! Ah!

Oh, my God!

- Raji Aunty: Ah! - (Jasmeet groaning)

- Rebecca: We have to help her. - No, no, no. You need to hide-

What?

- because I'm not allowed to have any girls over.

- What? - Doing illegal renovation!

What are you doing behind the wall?

Jasmeet: That's my sister.

Raji Aunty: My husband's going to kill you!

Man on phone: You punched my wife!

She has always taken good of you,

always treated you like family!

Jasmeet: Yeah. No. I understand, Uncle, but-

Man on phone: Very bad! Very bad! How is she?

She'll be fine, you know.

- Me and my sister, we, uh- - (man interrupting)

Uh... No, I didn't touch the thermostat.

- (man speaking Punjabi) - No, Uncle.

- Very bad. Very bad. No! - That wasn't me, either.

Man on phone: Very serious! Very serious! No, no, no!

Okay. FYI, you know

there's this thing called tenant's rights, and-

Man on phone: Don't tell me what is the right!

I know what rights are! I came in Canada before you!

Uncle, I think there's a tunnel so...

Man on phone: No, no tunnel! No tunnel!

(Jasmeet speaking broken gibberish) ...clear...

(man shouting angrily)

(beeping)

Going under a tunnel.

Is that still a thing?

(exhaling)

Hey, are you okay?

(sighing) I don't know, man.

I just...

I'm just really scared.

What do you mean? Scared about what?

I'm... scared of everything.

All of it. I'm scared I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm scared I won't succeed.

I'm scared that I'm not a good person!

I'm scared because I miss my parents!

I'm scared because I love you,

and I fuck things up with everyone that I love!

Rebecca: That's... so...

Ick. (chuckling)

I mean, what was I even thinking?

- I never should have left Ryan. - What?

Oh, my God. You're not a man.

You're just a little boy!

I need to get out of here.

(tires screeching, engine roaring)

- Oh, thank God. - Wait. Who is that?

Wait. What's going on?

(engine revving)

Re- Rebecca! Rebecca, wait!

- Later, loser! - No! Wait! I take it back!

- I didn't mean it! I... - (engine roaring away)

Rebecca: Jasmeet?

Hey. You're doing that spaced-out thing.

You kind of look like you're spiraling.

Yeah. I just, um... I...

I just don't want to mess this up.

Maybe we're thinking about this way too hard.

You know, sometimes,

doing things right doesn't mean doing them perfect.

That didn't make any sense.

It doesn't have to.

Jasmeet: Uh, what is- Hey.

Go back. (laughing)

What- what is going on?

We are in a hospital parking lot. What are you...

Shut up.

Jasmeet: Okay.

?

(moaning, thumping)

?

(woman singing in Punjabi)

?

Supinder: Gurdeep!

?

?

(sighing)

?

(beeping)

Rebecca: Good morning.

Hey. Good morning.

- How'd you sleep? - It was good.

- Yeah? - How'd you sleep?

- Amazing. - Mm-hmm.

- This pillows are incredible. - I know.

- Where'd you get them from? - From the pillow store.

- (buzzing) - The pillow store?

- Of course! - (phone chiming)

Oh, sorry. Hold on.

Raji Aunty: Look at this disgusting place.

Oh, my God.

Raji Aunty: I know. It's the one with the prostitute sister.

He's nobody.

What the shit?

(exhaling) Okay.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I, uh, I do move in with you.

Yeah. I mean,

it's not perfect, but it's right.

Again, what does that even mean?

You know what it means.

No, I have no idea what it means.

- Yes, you do. - No. You're always, like,

- speaking in riddles. - No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

- Yeah, you are. - What are you, the Riddler?

- (laughing) - (Raji Aunty speaking Punjabi)

? Pray for you, let my chest hair fray for you ?

? Day to day for you ?

? But I'm too tired to foreplay for you ?

? Stayed loyal ?

? Warm your cold days for you ?

? Probably can't love you a long time in my old age for you ?

? Roll your eyes for me ?

? Shave my back for me ?

? What, no, I said play this app silly ?

? You ass crack funny ?

? Pass that bread over there ?

? Will you love me with the back fat honey? ?

? When I'm bad back dad running at the gym asthmatic ?

? Squeeze me in after the kids with karate ?

? Hit me with that yoga Pilates ?

? I'm like yoga to mommies ?

? Make them say om shanti shanti shanti ?

? Way I fold the laundry like origami origami ?

? Sweatpants the minimum ?

? Baby let it do it to you in the living room, uh ?

? Talk flirty from 5:30 to 9:30 ?

? But I'm exhausted, it's on though... ?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0