Original subtitles

? Kiff! ?

? Kiff! Kiff! ?

? Kiff, Kiff, Kiff! ?

? Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff! ?

? Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ?

? Yeah! ?

? Kiff! ?

- [chuckles] - [laughs]

[both laughing]

[narrator 1] Brought to you by Hugo's Ergonomic Chairs.

Behind every behind.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so bored.

Wow, I haven't seen Candle this bored since,

well, never, because I don't have eyes.

I'm a tail.

[all laughing]

Oh, my gosh. I'm laughing.

Oh, are you?

Well, I can't hear nothing because I don't have ears.

I'm a tail.

[laughing]

[Barry] That's my best friend's tail.

[laughing]

Okay, all right, thank you. Cheeks in seats.

And now, please welcome Principal Secretary.

[applause]

Thank you so much, Taily.

Students, it is my honor to announce

that we are going to be holding elections for class president!

[oohing]

[chattering]

We will be dipping our toes into my favorite sea...

democracy.

- Yes, Billiam. - I nominate Candle for president.

Candle accepts.

I'd like to nominate Reggie.

Excellent choice.

Can I nominate Barry?

You could, but I'll probably just toss that nom over to Kiff.

Oh, Bar, I don't know what to say except...

I accept.

I look forward to doing a ton of work,

literally toiling day and night to-

Oh, I changed my mind. I would like to retract my nomination.

Same. No point running against Kiff.

All right. Anybody else want in?

Nobody?

No one?

Okay.

Thanks, P.S. And thank you, Table Town School.

Fear not. Though I run alone, I... I will do my best to earn every vote.

- Mr. RiPeppa is running? - What?

A teacher can't run against a student.

A teacher can run against a student.

[grunting]

Turns out there's no rule that says class president must be a student.

But why would Mr. RiPeppa even wanna be class president?

Nobody told you. The job comes with an ergonomic chair.

Word on the street is Mr. RiPeppa's been eyeing it for years.

Well, we're gonna run a good, clean campaign.

I'm sure the voters will make the right choice. Me.

Okay, here we go. "Kiff, making the diff."

Love it.

Or "Win wiff Kiff."

- Even better. - Or how about "Kiff's-"

[Trevor] Campaign needs a new manager.

[laughs evilly]

Trevor? How long have you been here?

Your sister let me in about an hour ago.

What you need is a savage ad.

[laughs] No, Trevor, Kiff doesn't want to go savage.

That's not how we're playing this one.

Get off your high horse.

I've made a video that will take RiPeppa down.

Guaranteed.

Geez. I don't want to take him down.

I just want him to drop out of the race like everybody else.

All right. Well, if you need me, I'll be around.

[snores]

[snores]

[farts]

The competition's gonna have to wake up if they want a chance to win this election.

[snores, gasps]

I think we have this election buttoned-up.

[laughs] 'Cause of the buttons.

[whimpers]

- [PA beeps] - [Mr. RiPeppa] Now, if you vote for me,

the cafeteria will be catered by Cafe Penguino.

Uh, there will also be no more pop quizzes or any quizzes.

And we will turn the basketball court into an ice rink.

And the ice rink into a baseball diamond.

- Every day will be Friday. - [grunting]

- We love you! - [all cheering]

[Barry grunts] Come on!

[groans] Nothing's working.

I'm sorry, Kiff. I...

[Trevor] Need a miracle?

Huh?

[banging]

Trevor?

[Trevor] Yeah. [grunts]

Help.

Thanks, Sweepy.

Okay, Trev.

I'm all out of options.

About that savage ad?

[laughs] Yeah, I knew you'd come around.

Say the word, and I'll forward this baby to every student in Table Town.

No, Kiff, please watch it first to make sure it's not... too savage.

Oh, it's savage.

Brace yourselves.

Fresh ground... pepper?

No way! I don't like pepper! Pepper stinks!

[Trevor] My name is Kiff, and I approve this message.

[exclaims] Peppa stinks!

[laughs evilly]

Oh, I told you it was bad.

Trevor, no. I... I can't believe you...

This is your savage video? I can't use this.

[Candle] Can't use what?

I made a savage ad.

[clamoring]

Yes! Oh, my gosh! Savage...

[chattering]

Barry, what do I do?

Kiff, these are the voters.

They want to like you. They want to trust you.

Talk to them. Be yourself.

[sighs]

All right, thanks for coming out. How we doing?

Can I get a whoop-whoop from Table Town Scoop?

Ooh. [chuckles]

[groans]

Oh, what a crowd!

I haven't seen this many people since...

Well, never, because I don't have eyes, I'm a tail!

- [all laughing] - [screams] Taily!

This is peak comedy!

Okay. [chuckles]

Now that I have your attention, let's get serious.

Who wants a button?

Who wants a button?

- Yeah! - Taily!

[clamoring]

[student] Gimme, gimme! I want one!

And that's why I promise a button for every student.

Because at the end of the day, I am a student.

Ooh. [chuckles]

[chomps] Mmm.

Hey, guess what?

This guy steals sandwiches out of the faculty lounge refrigerator.

[all gasp]

Hey, no... now look here. That was one time.

"Look here?" Well, I can't.

Because...

[all] I don't have eyes, I'm a tail.

[all laughing, cheering]

This is peak comedy!

[laughing, cheering continues]

Yeah!

Hey, everybody. Look at me.

I'm also a tail. [chuckles]

[student] Derivative!

[all booing and hissing]

[cheering]

Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby!

[chuckles] Wow, Taily sure is funny.

But aren't you Taily?

Well... Oh.

[exclaims]

So, I've been eavesdropping. You're welcome.

And nobody's voting RiPeppa.

And nobody did.

Yes! Kiff, that means you won!

We did it! We did it!

No, no, no. Kiff only received two votes.

Then who won?

- Taily. - Huh?

Well, Kiff and Barry, you did your best,

but it appears that Tail must now lead. Congrats, Taily.

Thank you.

Yes, I look forward to many long nights

discussing the minutiae of middle school policy and administrative tasks.

Nope, I changed my mind. [laughs] I can't be president. Uh, I'm a-

[chuckles] Tail, yes, I know. But the people have spoken.

[humming]

My first order as president...

is...

to make Kiff president.

What?

Here, Kiff, have a seat.

And, uh... do all the work, 'cause I'm...

[yawns]

just... [snores]

Hmm. For a book this big, I'm not really seeing much to suggest here.

- Great! - What a rule book!

What a chair!

- [Barry] Whee! - [Kiff laughs]

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