Original subtitles

[insects chirping]

[Moritz] Ducks, sheep, goats, llamas.

All herd animals. Followers.

Totally dependent weaklings.

They do everything in groups.

Anyone who's ever been in a WhatsApp group knows what groups are capable of.

Or rather, what they're incapable of.

Tigers. Bears.

Leopards. Eagles. All loners.

Uncompromising. Effective. Determined.

-Without any help from others. -[muffled chatter]

Sure, people who make their decisions on their own

don't have the best reputation at the moment,

but it's not like we're running a nation here. It's just a company.

It's not about trying to please everyone.

It's about the boss pursuing his vision without people always getting in his way.

-[man] Ah. -Huh?

What's this? Python?

TypeScript? JavaScript? Or Rust?

I managed a term in computer science at uni, but then I failed maths.

-[man] Classic, yeah? [laughing] -A shop system.

For…

[cows mooing]

Um… dairy farmers.

Yeah, digitalisation stops for no one.

Are they a demanding client, then?

Kind of. Unfortunately, they're getting a little…

…impatient here, Moritz.

The crash was almost two weeks ago.

We're currently losing a daily net revenue

of at least 50,000 euros.

That's a high number, very high.

If we come back with a simple fix, people will know straight away it was a crash,

and that damages their trust in us.

And because of that, we have to sell this as a relaunch, okay?

The only way to manage that is a comprehensive update.

Total makeover.

MyDrugs 2.0 will change the way people sell drugs online forever,

whilst also making everybody in this room very, very rich.

I think that's worth waiting for, right?

[Beeke in Dutch] OK, Mr Jobs.

[male teacher] Then we just have to sit back and hope everything goes well.

Is it well paid at least? Or is it a favour for a friend?

I don't work for friends.

[Moritz typing]

Are you working to a deadline?

The official launch is this Sunday at midnight?

[countdown beeping]

That certain?

I'm the CEO of this company.

If I say that's the date, that's the date.

The site is as good as done.

Yay!

Ah! That's really great.

So send off your test run,

then you can focus on studying all weekend.

[laptop beeping]

-[buzzer] -Ugh!

[laughing] That doesn't look very finished.

Did you update the dependencies?

NPM… mmm, is always tricky.

-[buzzer] -[male teacher] Ugh!

[groans]

Or I guess you could ask Lennard for help.

-He's great with computers. -[indistinct chatter, laughter]

[students cheering]

Ooh!

-Trouble in paradise? -I can handle it myself.

[students jeering]

[singing, clapping]

See you later, Mo.

-[all singing] Study day-ay-ay! -[girl] Hey!

[all] Study, study, study, study day!

-[groans] -[all] Study day!

-[all] Study day-ay-ay! -[girl] Hey!

[muffled singing]

[traffic noise playing over headphones]

[countdown beeping]

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

[upbeat rock music playing]

[male TV presenter] They sell drugs on the internet.

And they do it fast.

These extremely sophisticated criminals run an entirely cash-free operation.

Payments are made with the modern cyber currency Bitcoin.

The drugs are then sent out to locations all around the world

in standard-looking envelopes.

As simple and discreet as Amazon or eBay.

And that's exactly what makes the situation so dangerous.

CASE FILE X UNSOLVED

That's very informative. So, how do you hunt criminals on the internet?

People often believe that it's like,

-well, you know, The Matrix or something. -Hmm.

Even online dealers leave the house. That's the moment we catch them.

Now they appear to have something very big planned.

Could you shed some light on that for us?

Yes, we expect that this weekend

an entirely new version of their shop will go online.

A wider range, faster delivery, better security for the clients.

Well, I mean, for the drug addicts.

If you have witnessed something like this happening at a postbox

or parcel collection point near you, call the number below

or use the new contact form that can be found on our website.

That's all for this week on Akte X ungelöst.

Stay alert and don't let anyone play you like a fool.

I shouldn't have shaved. I look gay, right?

The IT department is still working on restoring a laptop

that belonged to that dead dealer.

I'm almost certain that once we get access to the files--

No, I put a stop to that.

Excuse me? After all that time I spent on that laptop?

Yeah, I know you did. Too much.

I know you wanted this case to be something special.

A fantastic Hollywood story about a couple of computer freaks from Winden.

Rinseln.

Benedikt, in real life, the murderer's almost always the husband.

And with drugs, it's a foreigner with a record, okay?

Hey, that's not racist, man! Statistics don't lie.

[laughing]

If you really have to work with a computer,

then scroll through the criminal records.

And hey, please don't be too disappointed

if it turns out that your M1000 looks like Eko Fresh.

He's a famous rapper.

He's an Arab, man.

Yeah, I know who Eko Fresh is!

[Rainer] Okay, okay.

I'm just saying, because you didn't react when I said it just now.

Here… [chuckles] This is a gangster, right?

[hip-hop music playing]

Yo, yo, what's up, bitches?

[groans]

[beeping]

Advanced German Lit. students, welcome to our annual Study Leave Weekend!

Woo-hoo!

Wik-wika-wiki!

[male teacher laughing]

In one hour, we'll meet in the common room then split you into study groups, okay?

And this attractive young man here is responsible for your leisure activities.

Yes, thank you. I also think you're very attractive.

[all laughing]

And a very sincere welcome from me too. My name's Joseph.

So, we offer various activities to help you with your studying.

Recreational sport, time management, meditation.

Mental fitness!

-It's a game-changer, people! -Yeah.

And one last thing, no sex and no drugs in the cabins, okay?

Down the lake there's a great place to shoot heroin and fuck.

[all laughing]

Uh… Come on, he's just kidding. Ignore that part.

Yeah, true. But you can do it in the cabins as well.

-[all laughing] -But as we all know by now,

sex requires mutual consent from both parties.

Or one of the two people has to be extremely shit-faced. [laughing]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[driver] Which one of you geniuses

packed your bag right in front of the door like an idiot?

[grunts]

[grunts]

You're welcome.

[male teacher] Guys, whose is this?

Huh? What the…

Did someone bring a rubber dinghy?

-[Moritz exhales] -Why would you…

-I'm a side sleeper. -Does it also help with snoring?

I've got one as well.

I sleep like a baby every night. Put it there, man!

-[students laughing] -[Moritz] Mm-hmm.

[Joseph] Okay, grab your stuff,

then I'll show you the best place to smoke without being seen.

[indistinct chatter]

[whirring overhead]

[male teacher] Ah, look! A gyrocopter.

You know that Frank Thelen from Dragon's Den

invested millions in an air taxi company?

It's the future.

Yeah, unless it rains or there's a storm.

But, hey, when the weather's bad, who needs a taxi?

Don't worry. I'm sure Frank

-got his break with dairy farmers too. -[Moritz sneezes]

[male teacher] Ugh.

[Moritz groans]

-Is everything okay? -[groans]

Your eyes are looking red or…

-Are you stoned? -[Moritz gasps]

Are those hazel trees over there?

Yeah, of course. We're in the middle of Europe's second largest hazel forest.

I'm allergic to hazel trees!

Why do you think they called this place "Haselhof", huh?

Because of David Hasselhoff, or what?

[indistinct chatter]

-Who? -[Lenny] "I'm a side sleeper."

[male teacher] Uh, you know, Knight Rider.

[Dan] What happens in Haselhof stays at Haselhof, right, Lenny?

-[Lenny laughs] Yeah, man! -[sniffing]

If you need help with the whole Lenny situation,

-just let me know. -[Joseph] Into the woods!

-I don't see myself as just a teacher. -[Joseph] Come on!

I'm more of a 360-degree pedagogue.

[bird squawking]

[Moritz] Great, thanks.

And you can keep my handkerchief.

Well, for the meantime.

[sighs]

Come on, guys. Hurry up. I actually want to go to the lake too.

-[indistinct chatter] -[electronic music playing]

[door bangs]

[electric air pump whirring loudly]

[window bangs]

[Moritz sneezes]

-[shooting in video game] -[mobile phone vibrates]

[sighs]

[buzzer]

[students outside laughing, cheering]

[shooting in video game]

[sighs] Something's wrong with the component lifecycle…

[Dennis] Shit! It was just camping the whole time.

Create an obstacle!

Or with the change detection?

[sighs]

By the way, Dennis, is there any chance you know--

Sorry, but just because we both know how to use a computer

doesn't mean that we're automatically friends or some shit like that.

Everyone's interested in computers these days.

You can't use that as a common interest.

[shooting in video game]

[Moritz] The internet is full of terrible places,

but nothing is worse than internet forums.

Post a harmless question in a forum and you'll be reprimanded,

lectured, insulted,

and your post will be pushed back and ultimately deleted.

And in the meantime, you'll get loads of answers to questions you didn't ask.

[inspiring classical music playing]

[Moritz] All great artists have their own signature.

A unique business card

made up of taste, habit and craftsmanship.

It's as if the author is staring at you through the work.

[sighs]

[music stops]

[shooting in video game]

[male teacher groans, gasps]

[teacher inhales deeply]

-I can come back later. -[sighs] Nonsense.

So, what's up then?

[teacher sighs]

Super efficient. And aluminium-free.

Wanna try some?

I've been thinking about the offer you made earlier, with the Lenny situation.

I think I actually do need help.

[Lenny screaming] No!

Fuck, I forgot to bring the energy drinks!

Fucking shit! Fuck!

I need them for my blood sugar!

It might be good to lay off them for a bit, though, right?

They're basically carbs and food colouring.

[bell dings]

[woman] Standard Lennard Sander is powered by two high-capacity sugar batteries,

supplying the programmer with 1.21 gigawatts of energy.

Depending on stress level, the batteries last up to three hours.

They must be recharged by adding carbohydrate-rich refined sugar.

Warning! Do not use alternative fuels under any circumstances.

[Kira over phone] You have me! I'm also sweet and have way too much energy.

Besides, there are bigger problems that we have to deal with right now.

First, Moritz is planning something, and second, CandyBay.

Dan! What's happening with the package?

How many times do I have to say this to you guys? He literally promised--

Last-minute change of plans, men:

Lenny, you're going to be sharing a room with Moritz from now on.

Hey? What's the reason?

-Allergy problems. -[Moritz snorts]

[Kira] What? Is he out of his fucking mind? That psycho teacher is a--

No way am I sharing a room with Shooter Dennis.

He always has that smile when he's shooting at people. He's strange.

Oh, I'm sure we can find a solution.

Maybe you could share a room with Anna and Lina?

Or with the lovely Jana?

[birds chirping]

Jana?

But I thought that wasn't an option.

Let me put it this way, it depends on what the teacher says.

-Yeah? -[Dan gasps]

[teacher humming]

Yup. Laters!

[teacher] See?

[sighs]

[Lenny] Just for the record, we're not friends anymore.

And I was told to keep my mouth shut

because you can and will use everything I say against me.

What? No.

There's just a ton of hazel trees by the other room I was in.

[sighs]

-By the way, I saw your site. -[Lenny] Oh, really?

-CandyBay. That's you guys, right? -[Lenny] Uh… yeah.

-Looks good! Slick SSR. -[Lenny] Hmm.

-And the CDN is really well done. -[Lenny] Yeah, totally.

Mmm. I'm working on setting up MyDrugs, but I guess…

-[Lenny laughs] -You probably already knew that.

[Lenny laughs] Yeah. Yeah, of course.

-And right now, I'm having-- -[Lenny] No, that's bullshit!

I'm not adding a Chrome extension just so Google can see every time

-I'm watching something on Netflix. -[Kira over phone] Okay.

[Lenny] We'll just press play at the same time. Ready?

-Three, two… -[Kira] Wait, wait, wait!

-[Lenny laughing] -[Kira] Ugh!

[Lenny] No, no. It'll work!

-[Kira] On one… -Three, two, okay?

[Kira] Two, one…

[Lenny laughing]

[Fritzi] So, next category: "weirdos." "Who will be the first to go to jail?

What? Yearbook categories like this are a tradition.

That isn't tradition, it's bullying.

Okay. "Who will be the first to go to jail?"

-I say Moritz. -[Fritzi laughing]

I like it!

But for what? Inciting public… [gasps] boredom?

-[Fritzi laughing] -[Gerda] It'll probably be me,

because German police are all such racist assholes.

-Well, statistically speaking. -She has a point.

-Shall we put Gerda? -Yeah, Gerda.

Okay. "Who only thinks about others and never themselves?"

[both] Lisa.

Huh? No way, guys.

Because I'm not a selfish bitch like you two?

I consider the consequences for others before I make decisions.

[Fritzi] Yeah, and that's exactly it.

You're one of those kids who would shake the Kinder Surprise egg for hours

trying to work out if there was a figurine inside.

And in the end, it was just a crappy toy you had to assemble anyway.

That's exactly what's exciting about them. That you don't know what you'll get.

And that's what makes them so dangerous, and it's why they're illegal in the USA.

-That's not the reason why. -And guns aren't illegal over there.

-Everybody knows what you're getting. -Oh my God!

[laughing]

I know, right? I speak first and then I think later.

That's exactly my point.

What I'm saying is,

just take what you want without taking forever to think about it.

You can't control what happens anyway.

[Fritzi] You're still hung up on Moritz. It's time to let go.

OK, hands up, whose group will take Moritz?

[melancholic music playing]

♪ Thanks, I'm fine I'm better off alone ♪

-♪ I don't look back ♪ -[female teacher] Anybody?

-♪ I don't mean any harm ♪ -And so they're trying just like this.

[teacher clears throat]

♪ Bye-bye ♪

♪ My love ♪

-[indistinct chatter] -Listen to me, man.

A handkerchief?

Uh… it's not mine. [chuckles]

Are you meant to wash it before you give it back?

I was wondering the same thing. [chuckles]

Hey, Lisa! Look! Ranger Joseph made campfire bread for you.

But he's too scared to talk to you.

Yeah! I mean, live every day like you're seven.

Do you eat the burnt carcinogenic part?

I'm sorry. I totally forgot to explain, Fritzi, how fire works.

[Fritzi laughs] Yeah! Who would have thought that it's so hot?

But speaking of carcinogens…

Come on, Lisa. Have some fun.

[Joseph] Um, guys…

It's not cool to smoke joints. Pass it.

Let me show you how the cool kids do it these days.

So, this is a better mix.

-[Lisa] Oh, wow. -[Fritzi laughs]

[Lisa] Can I just have the joint?

-[Joseph] Wanna try? -[Lisa] I have a gluten allergy.

[Lisa coughing]

-[Joseph] Try it. -[Lisa] No way!

-[Joseph] Why not? -[Lisa] It's completely burnt!

Excuse me, I have to wash my handkerchief.

-[Joseph] He's funny. -[Lisa laughs]

[students outside shouting, chatting indistinctly]

[packet tears]

Stressed?

Okay, you're right.

And I know Dan and Kira are trying to keep us apart, but I…

Hey, Dan. Nice to see you.

I seem to remember you looking different somehow.

You look like one of those shock photos on a cigarette packet.

[mobile phone vibrates]

[Kira] Didn't you tell him he has no business being in this cabin?

-[Moritz blows nose] -[Lenny] No, I mean…

-[groans] If you weren't so good in bed… -Uh…

-[Kira] Mmm… Mmm! -[Lenny laughs]

[Kira] Mmm!

[both laughing]

Mmm… Moritz? Do you know where it is you're staying tonight?

Huh?

-[Lenny laughs] -[door shuts]

I could've handled that alone.

I know that!

What's next is also something you can handle alone,

but some things are more fun to do together.

[groans]

-[typing] -[Moritz groans]

[sighs]

[groans]

[laptop buzzes, beeps]

[sighs]

-[woman groans] Oh! -[male teacher] No, wait…

[teacher] Wait. They're getting all steamed up.

Wait, they're steaming up. Wait a second.

Here. Yeah.

Go, go, go, go, go!

-[woman screaming] -[male teacher groaning]

-[woman] Mmm! -[teacher] Ooh.

[woman groaning loudly]

-[sound of rain over headphones] -[woman groaning loudly]

-[man and woman groaning loudly] -[laptop buzzing]

[buzz]

Oh!

[buzzing]

[buzzing]

-[woman] Oh! -[laptop buzzes, beeps]

Achoo!

[bird squawking]

[snoring]

[snorts]

[groaning]

[ominous drumbeat]

[sighs]

Sometimes shipping just takes a little longer!

I've been waiting six days for a pair of trainers from Zalando.

-You don't see me freaking out. -[banging on door]

Holy shit, he looks bad.

[Moritz snorts, sighs]

I have to plug in a few things.

[Kira] As long as whatever's on your face isn't contagious.

[phone beeps]

[Moritz breathes erratically, snorts]

[breathing heavily]

[breathing heavily]

[Lenny] I would give anything for an energy drink. Literally anything.

[Kira] Where were we? Oh, yeah.

Dan transferred all our Bitcoin to a random guy on the Darknet.

[Dan] Hey, I'll say it again. It's not a scam. The drugs are on their way.

-Guy promised to send the tracking link! -What?

[Lenny] What? The tracking link? Seriously?

[Kira sighs]

Here, let's take a look at Moritz's laptop.

Maybe he left his wallet open on the desktop.

-[laptop chimes] -Password?

[Kira] Probably his birthday.

Lenny? When's his birthday?

I don't know.

You don't know?

-[Lenny] Honestly, I don't know! -[Kira] Seriously?

[Lenny] Moritz hates birthdays. He doesn't tell people.

[Kira] Just when you think he can't get any weirder…

Then I guess we just have Dan to rely on. What a great position to be in.

Listen, we just need to wait and see, okay?

For now, we still have my street contact.

You mean the one with the street prices?

Hey, I didn't say it's gonna make us rich.

But it'll keep us going for a while, and customers will at least get something.

Hey, come on. Breaking even is better than nothing.

What? Hello?

Getting rich, yeah, is the only reason that people sell drugs.

You don't do it because it's some kind of sustainable

and interesting experiment in an innovative business, man.

[Kira] Yeah! Plus there's the shipping costs.

Right now, we're losing 1.70 euros on every order.

If we keep this up, we won't even be able to afford Lenny's funeral.

[Lenny chuckles]

[Lenny] And you know my standards.

I'd either like to be hung up in the woods

so Logan Paul can tag me in his Insta video,

or be buried at sea.

And by that I mean,

Dan Bilzerian on a jet ski

snorting my ashes off a supermodel's back.

-[scoffs] -[laughing]

You see, Dan? We're only doing it for the money.

[Dan] Yeah, but it's not as if I don't care about Lenny's treatment.

I already sold my car

and cancelled my Foodspring subscription and Headspace too.

But I wanted to ask if I could maybe reactivate that.

[Moritz] To give people what they really need,

you first have to know what it is they really need.

You might think you could simply ask someone what they need…

[sniffs] …but you'd be wrong.

At most, people only ever say what they want, never what they need.

Henry Ford once said, "If I had asked people what they wanted,

they would have said, 'Faster horses.'"

To find out what people really need,

you have to collect large amounts of data about them

and closely observe their behaviour over a long period of time.

[gasps]

I mean, would Netflix have gone out

and spent money on a third season of your weird show

without being certain that people were gonna watch it?

[indie rock music playing]

The money should be in your PayPal account now, okay?

Super!

[yells]

Huh?

[sighs]

[Lisa] Oh, there you are.

Hey.

So, why did you want to meet me here?

Is this a I-lure-the-ranger-into- the-woods-and-kill-him type of scenario?

Yeah. So there's no witnesses.

Wanna go for a walk or something?

You could teach me all the names of the trees.

Hang on, that's my line for luring women into the forest.

Welcome to the year 2020, where women can be sexual predators too.

Anyway, it's your own fault for dressing so provocatively.

So, please follow me into the woods.

Um… aren't you meant to be reading Faust or something?

Yeah, I am, actually.

But when I found out about Faust 2, I kind of lost interest,

you know, like Iron Man.

[chuckles] Let's go.

Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!

[Joseph] I have an idea about where you could lure a cool ranger like me.

-[Moritz sighs] -[Beeke] Marlene, can you come here?

[in Dutch] Holy fucking shit! You scared me to death, man!

Fucking hell!

-Jesus! -Have you been attacked?

[sighs] It's just a moderate allergic reaction.

[Beeke in Dutch] Allergic reaction. It's not contagious.

The site is finished.

Okay then, let's go.

But I would like to get an expert opinion before uploading.

After what happened last time,

the site has to be absolutely secure against attacks.

I have someone in mind.

[Maarten] Who? Someone we know?

My contact earns his salary by staying anonymous on the internet.

So, naturally, I don't know his real name. [chuckles, sniffs]

-But you gave us your word, remember. -I am the CEO of MyDrugs.

And as CEO, I'd prefer to stay on the safe side

and delay the relaunch until Monday morning.

[Joseph] So, what do you think?

[Lisa] Hmm…

[Joseph sighs]

It looks like a desktop background.

[Windows theme music playing]

[Joseph] Thank you.

That is truly the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

I didn't… It's really stunning. Thank you.

[birds chirping]

[sighs] Hmm…

-[gurgling] -Uh…

-[Joseph sighs] -Oh. Uh…

Are you absolutely sure that's a good idea?

Listen, the water quality is perfect.

-It comes out of that-- -Yeah.

-[flies buzzing] -[Joseph spits]

[Lisa] How long have you been doing this?

[laughing] Obviously not long enough.

What's your point?

-[Joseph laughing] -Are you always like this?

As in a bad ranger?

No. You always seem so content.

I mean, how do you do it? It's disgusting.

It's simple. If you're good to the world, the world will be good in return.

-Karma and stuff. -[Lisa] So disgusting.

Mmm! Dead sheep.

["All My Friends Got Time" playing] ♪ If we get lost ♪

♪ We don't see the end ♪

♪ If we get lost ♪

-♪ We could be the last in here ♪ -[flies buzzing]

[laughing] I can be good.

Are we there yet?

[laughing] Is that what I look like?

♪ Thoughts we have Since we can dream them ♪

♪ We should know what we believe in ♪

♪ I'm feeling much more like a child ♪

♪ In the summertime ♪

♪ When all my friends got time ♪

♪ In the summertime ♪

-See you next time on Lisa's Vlog! -[driver speaking Dutch]

[in Dutch] Not one cent more.

No, soon you're gonna have to pay on top of that.

No, you know what you have to do?

I'll tell you. Save points at the supermarket.

Crazy enough, right now I'm…

[fly buzzing]

-[loud metal clang] -Jesus!

Moritz, what the bloody hell are you doing here?

Can we talk in private?

We're not friends anymore.

I get that.

And I've fucked up a lot recently.

But I have an offer to make…

which could maybe bring us back together.

[Lenny sighs]

[inhales deeply, exhales]

That's 200,000 euros.

What for?

CandyBay.

I need a working shop system, and you need the money for the treatment.

You can have it if you give me your code and then call it quits.

All of it.

I know it sounds harsh, but…

[inhales deeply] …look at it as a friendly takeover.

Mergers and acquisitions.

Apple, Facebook and Google do it basically every day.

You could really use the money right now.

It's good for both of us.

Win-win.

And…

I'll throw this in for free.

[sniffs]

-[Moritz] I have to plug in a few things. -I'd give anything for an energy drink.

-The drugs are on their way. -[Kira] What?

Wait, did you spy on us?

Why do you say that?

You love… this stuff.

For a second, I thought you'd actually learned your lesson.

This is bullshit!

You've just realised you can't figure out the code by yourself and you need me.

I have learnt my lesson, once and for all!

[dramatic music crescendos]

[beep]

-["Ride Of The Valkyries" ringtone] -[gyrocopter whirring]

[grunts]

[Moritz] The key advantage of being a loner

is you can change your strategy without having to discuss it with anyone.

You can't hurt anyone's feelings. You don't have to worry about anyone.

There are no lifelong friends who you still owe favours to.

You can put all your energy into focusing on your goal.

[grunting]

["Ride Of The Valkyries" playing]

Argh!

[grunting]

Argh!

-[gasps] -[indistinct chatter]

[student whistling "Ride Of The Valkyries"]

[Moritz] But the key disadvantage of being a loner is… you're alone.

And what good is everything you achieve if you don't have anyone to share it with?

Hmm?

[chanting] Rinseln! Rinseln!

Rinseln! Rinseln!

-[chanting] Rinseln! Rinseln! -[girl] Woo-hoo!

[engine starts]

[high-pitched squealing]

[high-pitched squealing]

[Lenny] Huh? Come on.

What the fuck?

What the… fuck?

[menacing electronic music]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0