Original subtitles

-Well then. -Then so.

We're early. The gates are closed.

Do you want to play a game?

-Yes. -So here we shall do.

You can be Uncle Paul so I'm you, okay?

-Yes. -Then we drive.

So there. Ready?

Let's go.

Let's go!

Okay.

So I'm you?

Move!

I want chocolate. Can I borrow the phone?

Can I borrow the phone?

Can I borrow the phone? Can I have chocolate?

Who taught you to drive?

Well then.

Damn child locks.

I'm coming in.

Oh my God.

We are trying...

Okay.

Now I want you to ... I want you to go out.

Oh really?

And opens the door for me.

No.

Can you go out and walk around?

It's not possible.

-Hello? -We are locked up.

Yes I know.

I know and you have to help me.

Can you open the door?

We're locked up.

Hello!

Is anyone there?

-Let me out! -Let me go!

Hello?

Hello!

-Hello? -Hello?

You!

Came back! Can you open the door?

Hi. Can you...

Can you open the door?

Running!

Have a nice day.

See you later.

-Excuse. -Yes?

Do you work here?

I am the vice-chancellor. Who are you?

Joshie Isaacs uncle. Do you have time for a while?

Not really. I'm talking.

It's quite important ...

I'm calling.

I was locked in my car just now and a lady let me out.

I did not have time to say thank you.

Chestnut hair, purple coat?

Maybe 160 cm.

Really thick?

Excuse?

That was the word he used, Mrs. Isaacs.

I would have said "narrow" if it had been true.

It does not matter.

It may not be your fault but he left your son.

Narrow is descriptive. As long. "Tall woman" you could say.

Thanks. I'll let you know.

There are no problems with "tall, slender woman".

But what if she had fiery red hair,

freckles and an eye patch, or ...

A bald man with a tattoo on Vesuvius on his neck?

Did you want to meet me?

You two must have met.

I opened your car door.

Yep it's me.

Sorry I was in a hurry.

I should have thought of that child lock.

It was pretty stupid.

Mrs Brady. June?

We have a problem.

I just wanted to thank you.

You are welcome.

I wanted to find you to thank you personally.

The only word I came up with to describe you

was to say you were ...

quite thick.

-Thick? -Quite thick.

You could have mentioned my purple coat.

That was apparently not enough.

Or that I was handsome and had kind eyes?

You could have said that.

Of course. But I tried ...

summarize you in as few words as possible.

Thick.

Did you call me stupid?

No, I said it was stupid.

You're a nasty idiot who behaves badly towards fat people.

Then we have leveled it.

SENIOR SUIT

You do everything for a story.

Who does this?

It's for nurses so they know what it's like to be old.

How do I look?

Like Lewis Hamilton.

How does it feel?

If it feels like this to be 80 years old

so you can kill me when i'm 79 years old.

Check out. This is 20 years ...

40 years.

20 year...

40 years.

Yes.

Give me an assignment.

Pick up the phone and open the Meals on Wheels website.

-What? -Pick up the phone!

One sixth of the population must live like this.

What is this?

My screensaver.

Why?

It's a contextual image.

What?

Take off those fucking headphones!

They do not work to have.

Why do you have Piers Morgan as a screensaver?

I switch to it in the morning and think:

whoever I am, I'm not him.

It suits life in its context better than mountains at sunrise.

I had Saddam Hussein before. Then he died.

Then I had Gaddafi. He died. Sedan Thatcher. She died.

Now it's Piers.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Piers.

Is it going well?

Certainly.

It's Naomi.

Hey.

Fan ta dig. Where's the idiot?

Do you know how hard it is to be nice?

against the teachers?

But I do!

In one morning, you've basically ruined Joshie's entire education.

-It's to take in. -Do you think?

The headmaster made sure that Michael Sylvester did not have a chance

to bring in the son of Haberdashers

because his wife forgot a Hanukkah present.

So you should apologize!

What should I say?

"Sorry, now I see that you're size 36"?

If that's what it takes.

Can't you teach him at home?

I'm going to stop working and spend the next six years

to the multiplication table of the eight.

No, I'm paying taxes for someone else to do it.

I fetch him and buy her flowers.

Not just any. A giant bouquet

which is the most expensive you will find in north London.

-Certainly. Kiss. -Shit on you.

Ready?

Okay.

I met?

Oh my God.

Okay.

Where...

So there.

-I'm jumping on it. -I will ...

There it is.

Now you're bad out.

-You're bad out. -Drive hard.

20 years younger.

Stop!

Oh no.

Shall we continue?

Oh no.

Give me a head start.

-Like what? -Five points?

Too much.

Come on. I can barely hold the racket.

Two points.

Two points and I get the double track.

Never.

No, you do not get a match to brag about.

Three points and the single track.

No!

-No! -Come on!

You're such a coward.

You're an asshole.

I feel at home.

-You fit in. -My gang.

Well then.

Check out.

Not bad.

Good work.

Look at this.

-Damn. -Oh no.

Crikey.

Crikey. Sorry.

Yes, but you have an advantage.

Well ...

The weight slows you down.

I'm too strong. It ends up too far away.

Too strong upper body.

For this game, yes.

-Less snack, more bowling. -I will ...

drive as weak as I can.

Well then.

Why?

I'm trying to be you!

What do you mean?

This one puts on 20 years of age.

I'm not deaf!

No!

If I were, I'd get a hearing aid!

It's true.

You remember Louis with whom we played poker.

Yes. Hi, Louis.

Hello Paul.

Maybe you can help.

Paul works for that Jewish newspaper.

Chronicle?

No, The Examiner.

-Enquirer. -Enquirer.

Tell me what you said.

I'm LGBTQ.

Is that so?

Which of them? Not L anyway.

Are you GBT or Q?

-Q. -So you are asking?

That's right.

Not sure what gender you are.

No, but I'm asking myself that question.

What are you asking yourself?

The meaning of life, the price of milk?

Tell.

I think I'm Japanese.

You think you're Japanese?

Yes, but in the body of a Jewish man.

In the body of an old Jewish man.

He lives in the Lenton Bayfield home.

They torment me every Friday.

They give him chicken soup.

-What do you want? -Miso soup.

They do not let him have chopsticks.

And no Kobe beef.

They massage the cows with beer.

Questioning within the LGBTQ community

usually applies to gender and not food.

Let me try.

Why?

I want to see what it's like to be 95 years old.

Seriously?

Let me try.

-Oh my God. -Come again.

If Taylor Swift had expressed her support

for Jews who ask themselves whether they are Japanese

would you be interested.

When she does, I am.

It is my right to be taken seriously

in the same way as everyone else

no matter the age.

Maybe I'm Japanese.

Maybe maybe not.

That's what I'm asking myself!

Calm down.

What do you know about Japan?

Hiroshima.

They are affected by tsunamis.

Something else?

I saw You only live twice on TV.

That was two years ago when my wife died.

It was not much, was it?

I can not move!

Now you know how it feels.

I can not move my arms and legs.

Attempt.

-I'll try. -Yes.

Damn!

Do you want to test, Louis?

Fukazaruna.

Sorry, can you ...

Excuse?

Sorry, I did not see you.

You did not see the black man in the queue?

Can I have a dozen white roses?

Wait now. It was not because you're black.

The glasses make me not see.

Racist glasses, then?

I'm a journalist. I'm testing the suit.

It adds up to 20 years at one's age.

20 years, 40 years, 20 years.

Certainly.

It is offensive to be accused of racism.

-Is it? -Yes.

BAME rights are important to me.

-Certainly. -Yes.

Earlier today I could have described a woman as black.

How did you describe her?

As quite thick.

So good.

What does it stand for?

What?

BAME.

Black...

African, from the Middle East.

What a hypocrite!

Okay.

Black...

-Asian, from the Middle East. -Still hypocrites.

Black, Asian, ethnic minority.

It includes Jews. I'm Jewish!

You are not BAME.

I'm a minority, so I'm BAME.

It should protect underprivileged groups.

You can not say that Phil Green and Harvey Weinstein are BAME.

But if you do not want to be with the Jews

you may delete "ME".

-Remove "ME"? -Remove with "ME".

Just "BA".

How many Asians are visited?

-No, damn it. -Then you only have "B" left.

Excuse me. We are visited all the time.

Yes, on explosives and child marriage.

But we get inspected!

Yes, and they visit me on heavy drugs and kitchen knives.

Why do they visit Jews?

This is not a competition.

Ethnic bank fraud.

It's racist.

You're a little racist, she is, and so am I.

No one is going anywhere.

No danger.

You have to catch up.

-45 lbs. -What the hell, 45?

The black man's exclusive right.

You're not Japanese.

No.

But I'm asking myself that question.

There's a Caribbean eatery in Holloway.

Their chicken should be amazing.

Maybe I'm black.

No, you're not black.

You are an ethnic minority.

What a racist response.

Now you have to eat

the good sushi I brought.

Otherwise, I'm going out and saying you're non-binary.

But I can count.

Genderfluid, Louis.

I'll ruin your chances to kiss and lie down

as long as you live.

So...

Your choice.

What is green?

It's good.

You bastard!

Oh my God.

I'll take you.

Stay. A moment.

I'll take you.

Yes.

Forgive me for being late.

To you.

So now you're an idiot with flowers.

Yes. Come on.

Okay.

-Hello! -Here he is.

-What did she say? -It's calm.

-Oh really? -Yes, that's good.

I'll drive her home.

Is she still in the car?

Come in!

Yes, come in!

Whats happening here?

I need a new mattress.

Yes, but you have three.

100 day trial period.

You send back the ones you do not want.

Yes, but most people keep theirs if they like it.

-I'm not like most people. -It's not you.

Neither are you.

Are you going to have it like this for 100 days?

No, I'll try everyone today and choose the best one.

-Hey, Naomi. -Hey. Come in.

I apologize to my brother.

No problem. We solved it.

I've been thinking about getting one. Are they good?

You can try.

-No, you're probably right. -It's probably the best.

Naomi does not mind.

Obviously not.

It can be useful.

You are welcome.

Here.

-Yes? -Yes.

It's so comfortable.

- Are you doing me a favor? -Visst.

- Lie down next to me. -Okay.

Where are the chocolate biscuits?

This is the test.

I close my eyes so you have to choose when you step up.

If it's good I should not even notice it.

Okay.

-When you are done. -I'm up.

But hey, I did not notice anything!

What a good mattress.

We try the other way.

Lie down we'll see if you notice anything.

Do you mean?

Why not?

It was nothing.

I'm going to read to Joshie.

Good. He's a little behind.

Thanks for the feedback outside of school hours.

Tell me when I step up. Hope your page does not move.

-Okay. -Blunda.

I felt something. Have you stepped up?

-No. -I felt something.

I felt something!

You might be imagining.

- Shall we try another? -Yes.

Okay.

I knew you.

Can you lie?

What?

Can you lie that you do not feel anything?

Please?

Okay.

What?

Wooden skull!

Better that than an idiot.

Why is Joshie talking about Istanbul and drugs?

Funny.

June played the title track to the Midnight Express car

and he wanted to know the plot.

We told the prison.

So does the male rape.

How nice.

Are you stupid?

You are his teacher!

Outside working hours.

Outside working hours, you say.

Then the whole family can watch Human Centipede, right?

Come down now, Joshie!

Ignore everything you heard in the car.

Where are the chocolate biscuits?

Am I going to jail?

You'll give them to Miss Brady.

She does not notice a few thousand calories.

So there.

Thanks for the ride.

No reason at all.

I'm a little hypersensitive.

So you say.

You are an adult.

And has beautiful eyes.

And a big smile.

Damn. I forgot my coat.

I will fetch it.

Thanks.

-Hello. -Hejsan.

Junes kappa. I promised to pick it up.

Come in. It should not be difficult to find.

Where did I put it?

-What? -The purple tent.

We have tried all and this one is the best.

This is good. Fixed.

It was amazing.

Do they take it back with stains?

It's in the agreement.

You hate him.

Everyone is good.

When you mention him, it's "fucking Simon" here,

"fucking Simon" there.

You did not let him in!

A one-time event.

A three-way phenomenon.

She's taking advantage of you.

As a bed tester.

I do not mind it.

I found it.

You can greet her nice weekend.

One more time?

I want to write an article about me.

- Are you helping? -Okay.

I have been racist, sexist, behaved badly towards fat people,

probably transphobic and misanthropic.

Yet it is not even a day that stands out.

-Whatever. -How did I become like this?

Was I like this as a child?

Yes. Naomi too.

Just fine. So it's genetic.

Yes, it's genetic.

I have prejudices

but so do the Chinese in Chinatown, right?

Gays hang out with gays in Soho, Jews in Golders Green.

But these are not prejudices. It's hanging with polar bears.

Call it what you will.

But I'm racist, against the French

and transgender people, but ...

We pretend to be open-minded.

Pretend?

I read that Helen Mirren is a sexy 70-year-old.

But you should have seen her when she was 30.

Women in their 30s are objectively more beautiful

than in the 70s.

A fact.

I can not say that. You can not say to 70-year-olds

that they are a bit in the ugly direction.

I should write an article about you.

You do not want to ruin your barely successful career.

You're an idiot but I love you.

You're always my son.

L'chaim.

EILAT'S AIRPORT CAN OPEN THIS MILLION

JEWISH FATHER GIVES ALMOST HIS SON A COMPLIANCE

WHITE BEANS ARE THE WORK OF THE DEVIL, SAYS LEADING RABBINE

THE RELIGIOUS DATING APP RSWIPE HAS BEEN LAUNCHED

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