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00:00:01,961 --> 00:00:04,989
It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:05,189 --> 00:00:08,017
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:11,971
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,171 --> 00:00:15,120
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,269
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,647
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do
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00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:23,149
All the things that make us
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00:00:23,349 --> 00:00:24,409
Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:30,156
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
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00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:36,787
We now return to
Germany's favorite talk show,
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00:00:36,987 --> 00:00:37,997
Dos Ist Gut.
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00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:38,965
Dad, what is this show?
13
00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:41,918
I don't know. It's just
a German guy listing items
14
00:00:42,118 --> 00:00:44,045
and then declaring them good.
15
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,972
Willkommen! Where are we?
16
00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:48,558
Das! Ist! Gut!
17
00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:50,889
Okay, sunsets.
Dos ist gut.
18
00:00:51,089 --> 00:00:53,021
Ja.
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00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,014
Sauerkraut.
Dos ist gut.
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00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:59,519
The autobahn. Vroom vroom!
Das ist gut.
21
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,022
Oompa music.
Das ist gut.
22
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,359
Euthanasia for
the mentally feeble.
23
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,985
Das ist gut.
24
00:01:09,529 --> 00:01:12,156
Das ist Gut
is filmed before an audience
25
00:01:12,356 --> 00:01:13,241
of the mentally feeble.
26
00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:17,870
God, l wish l could get tickets
to that show.
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00:01:18,070 --> 00:01:18,838
We interrupt this program
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00:01:19,038 --> 00:01:21,374
to bring you a Channel Five News
special report.
29
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:24,043
Good evening. l'm Joyce Kinney
with this special report.
30
00:01:24,243 --> 00:01:26,024
The latest police
statistics have revealed
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00:01:26,224 --> 00:01:28,005
a significant rise in
crime throughout Quahog.
32
00:01:28,205 --> 00:01:29,182
That's right, Joyce.
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00:01:29,382 --> 00:01:32,618
And just to put it out there,
Tom Tucker is packin'.
34
00:01:32,818 --> 00:01:36,055
I drive a 2006 Infiniti,
and l don't intend to lose it.
35
00:01:36,255 --> 00:01:38,057
So come and get some, punks.
36
00:01:38,257 --> 00:01:39,433
An increase
in crime?
37
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:40,610
That can't
be right.
38
00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:42,362
I haven't noticed
anything like that.
39
00:01:42,562 --> 00:01:45,565
You're in the house 14 hours
a day. What would you notice?
40
00:01:45,765 --> 00:01:46,816
Well, l hate to
admit it, Lois,
41
00:01:47,016 --> 00:01:47,867
but over the last
couple of years,
42
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,695
this town has changed a lot, and
not necessarily for the better.
43
00:01:50,895 --> 00:01:52,530
Yeah, l mean, the other day,
I left a doodie
44
00:01:52,730 --> 00:01:54,448
right in the middle
of a Crate and Barrel.
45
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,367
Came back 45 minutes later,
it was gone.
46
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,244
Yeah, even school's
getting more dangerous.
47
00:01:58,444 --> 00:01:59,879
The bullies
have been so busy,
48
00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,873
they're outsourcing
their bullying to India.
49
00:02:03,073 --> 00:02:03,800
MAN
Okay, do you see
50
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,585
the back of your underwear
in the mirror?
51
00:02:05,785 --> 00:02:06,761
Yes.
52
00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:08,963
Okay, l want you to pull it up
as high as you can.
53
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,181
Well, l disagree
with you guys.
54
00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:12,091
I think Quahog
is still pretty great.
55
00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:13,593
You know, it's hard for me
56
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,094
to take the things
you say seriously
57
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,063
when l know what's been
in that mouth of yours.
58
00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:20,099
Look, l realize Quahog isn't
the small town it used to be,
59
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:21,767
but it's still
very special to me.
60
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:23,069
It's my home.
61
00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:26,022
Yeah, come on, guys, she's got
dyed roots in this community.
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00:02:26,222 --> 00:02:27,532
Lois, l know you
love this town,
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00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:29,650
but nothing is ever as
innocent as it seems.
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00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,283
Attaboy, Ope.
65
00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:44,540
Give me all
your money!
66
00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:45,842
Okay, okay!
67
00:02:46,042 --> 00:02:47,427
You have a white wallet?
68
00:02:47,627 --> 00:02:49,128
Yeah, just like
Truman Capote.
69
00:02:49,328 --> 00:02:50,525
Who's Truman Capote?
70
00:02:50,725 --> 00:02:51,722
What a surprise!
71
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,637
The mugger's never
heard of Truman Capote.
72
00:02:54,837 --> 00:02:57,553
There's a library card in there!
Use it!
73
00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:02,483
And now, let's meet our star!
74
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,812
Give a warm Quahog Oceanland
welcome to Bojangles!
75
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,614
All the fish
in the bucket now!
76
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:11,942
Not one fish at a time
as a reward! All of them!
77
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:12,943
Okay, okay,
take it easy.
78
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,078
Okay, the one thing
79
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:17,073
you don't want to do
is tell me to take it easy.
80
00:03:17,273 --> 00:03:19,200
Now do that thing
where you rub my belly!
81
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,681
I really like that!
82
00:03:21,881 --> 00:03:23,963
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
83
00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:27,958
Yeah, now l'm gonna balance
a ball on your face.
84
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:30,961
One more push.
85
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,589
There we go!
It's a boy!
86
00:03:33,789 --> 00:03:34,965
And he's got a gun!
87
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,277
Well, you guys,
we did it.
88
00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,979
We finally went to a restaurant
without somebody yelling at us,
89
00:03:49,179 --> 00:03:51,315
and then the rest of the place
applauding them.
90
00:03:54,694 --> 00:03:56,412
Oh, my God!
91
00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:57,914
We've been
burglarized!
92
00:03:58,114 --> 00:04:02,201
To get that $17 insurance check
and start over.
93
00:04:02,401 --> 00:04:03,953
Oh, my God,
it's so creepy to think
94
00:04:04,153 --> 00:04:05,705
there were strangers
in our house.
95
00:04:05,905 --> 00:04:07,039
I've never
felt so scared.
96
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,457
I have.
97
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:13,170
And now we wait.
98
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,282
Oh, no, they took my gym shoes.
99
00:04:16,482 --> 00:04:18,518
Sorry, glutes,
no blasting today.
100
00:04:18,718 --> 00:04:21,345
They took my dirty rope
that was tied in a knot!
101
00:04:21,545 --> 00:04:23,723
They stole the chair
I use in the shower!
102
00:04:23,923 --> 00:04:25,858
They stole
all my pens!
103
00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:29,149
I... l don't have
a lot of stuff.
104
00:04:29,349 --> 00:04:32,440
They also stole
my sense of wonder.
105
00:04:33,733 --> 00:04:34,742
Nope.
106
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,786
Oh, this is horrible!
107
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:38,742
Maybe you guys were right.
108
00:04:38,942 --> 00:04:40,698
Maybe our town has changed.
109
00:04:40,898 --> 00:04:41,749
I know, it's awful.
110
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,976
Pretty soon, guys are
just gonna be showing
111
00:04:44,176 --> 00:04:46,003
their boners to babies
and stuff, l bet.
112
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:49,457
It's sad to think that Quahog
isn't safe for families anymore.
113
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:52,272
I mean, all l ever wanted was
to raise our children
114
00:04:52,472 --> 00:04:55,087
in a wholesome place,
far away from all the crime
115
00:04:55,287 --> 00:04:57,089
and problems of the big city.
116
00:04:57,289 --> 00:04:58,432
I'm reading you, Lois.
117
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,260
I'm reading you loud and clear.
118
00:05:05,765 --> 00:05:06,816
Hi, l'm Peter Griffin.
119
00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:08,568
Um, l'm looking for
a wholesome place
120
00:05:08,768 --> 00:05:11,645
for my family to live, so
I'd like to buy your farm.
121
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,230
All right, well,
the going rate
122
00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:15,607
for my farm is $875,000.
123
00:05:15,807 --> 00:05:17,985
Uh... nobody
called ahead?
124
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,453
What?
125
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,114
Well, somebody... somebody from
Fox was supposed to call ahead.
126
00:05:22,314 --> 00:05:23,291
They usually
take care of it,
127
00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,409
and then l just go
ahead and do stuff.
128
00:05:25,609 --> 00:05:26,994
I didn't get
no phone call.
129
00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:30,835
Hello?
130
00:05:31,035 --> 00:05:32,124
Oh, yes.
131
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,417
Yes, that'Il be fine.
132
00:05:33,617 --> 00:05:34,668
Ah.
133
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,134
Hey, Lois, you know
how l'm always
134
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:43,227
buying things
impulsively?
135
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,429
Well, that's gonna
be very hard to do
136
00:05:45,629 --> 00:05:47,181
now that we're
living on a farm.
137
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,933
What? What are you
talking about?
138
00:05:49,133 --> 00:05:50,359
Um, a farm, Lois.
139
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:51,986
It's where
vegetables live.
140
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,650
Peter, you went out
and bought a farm
141
00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:55,114
without even talking
to me about it?
142
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,278
Well, Lois, in my
defense, l have nothing
143
00:05:57,478 --> 00:05:59,443
to back uthe beginning
of this sentence.
144
00:05:59,643 --> 00:06:00,578
I can't believe this.
145
00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,951
And it's not like
it's the first time you made
146
00:06:03,151 --> 00:06:05,324
a big family decision
without consulting me.
147
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:16,335
Yes, l'd like to
see your quietest doctor.
148
00:06:16,535 --> 00:06:18,170
Peter, where'd you
even get the money
149
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,672
to make that kind
of purchase?
150
00:06:19,872 --> 00:06:20,473
I sold the house.
151
00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:22,174
And l did it
on Craigslist,
152
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,930
so l also made a
dangerous friend.
153
00:06:24,130 --> 00:06:25,845
What? How could
you sell the house?
154
00:06:26,045 --> 00:06:27,146
Spooner Street is our home!
155
00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:29,665
I mean, l have three aprons
that say "Quahog."
156
00:06:29,865 --> 00:06:32,184
What do you want me to do,
start all over?
157
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,919
Lois, you were saying
yourself how you want
158
00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:35,813
our kids to grow up
in a wholesome place
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00:06:36,013 --> 00:06:37,398
away from the big city.
160
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:38,983
I... l did say that.
161
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,818
And, Chris, you been
telling me how you wanted
162
00:06:41,018 --> 00:06:41,986
to watch animals
humping other animals
163
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,362
what might not
be okay with it.
164
00:06:43,562 --> 00:06:44,497
That's true.
165
00:06:44,697 --> 00:06:46,745
And, Meg, you yourself
said ligloss unicorns
166
00:06:46,945 --> 00:06:48,993
Channing Tatum something
something bullcrap.
167
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,494
You were listening
the whole time?
168
00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:51,787
Don't you see,
you guys?
169
00:06:51,987 --> 00:06:52,880
I did this for
the family.
170
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,499
Just think of this farm as
our next great adventure.
171
00:06:55,699 --> 00:06:58,210
Like when we tried to
invade the city of Troy.
172
00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:05,096
Peter, l don't think
this is the right horse.
173
00:07:05,296 --> 00:07:08,012
I am 100% positive
this is the right horse.
174
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,517
Come on, guys,
what do you say?
175
00:07:09,717 --> 00:07:10,954
Will you join me
in eating eggs
176
00:07:11,154 --> 00:07:12,191
fresh out of a
chicken's butt?
177
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:15,019
Yay! Now l can be one
of those filthy teens
178
00:07:15,219 --> 00:07:17,375
with sad eyes
at a farmer's market!
179
00:07:17,575 --> 00:07:19,387
Well, with what's
become of Quahog,
180
00:07:19,587 --> 00:07:21,400
maybe it is time
to make a change.
181
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,401
I'm in, Dad!
182
00:07:22,601 --> 00:07:23,202
Me, too!
183
00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:24,803
All right, let's do it.
184
00:07:25,003 --> 00:07:26,205
HEY, What's going on?
185
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:28,833
Well, we've made a decision
as a family, Brian.
186
00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:33,120
We've decided to take you to a
nice, big farm upstate.
187
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,588
Wh-What?
188
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,716
A farm with big
open fields, Brian,
189
00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:39,043
where you can just run
and run and be free
190
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,845
and no one will
ever hurt you.
191
00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:42,988
Doesn't that sound
wonderful, Brian?
192
00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:45,132
Are you ready to go
to the nice farm?
193
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:46,058
No! No!
194
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:47,676
You'Il never take me alive!
195
00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:54,141
Okay, l am at full
candy corn right now.
196
00:08:05,069 --> 00:08:06,783
Here we are, everyone.
197
00:08:06,983 --> 00:08:08,497
The Griffin family farm.
198
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:11,083
Wow, look at us, Brian,
frontier people.
199
00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:13,410
I feel like those miners
who first struck gold
200
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:14,912
in San Francisco.
201
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,122
Oh, my God,
we did it!
202
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:18,048
We struck gold!
203
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,250
This is amazing!
We're gonna be rich!
204
00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:21,501
Rich and gay.
205
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:22,753
Come here.
206
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:27,933
Peter, what are you doing?
207
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,097
Well, Lois, a big part
of owning a farm
208
00:08:30,297 --> 00:08:32,262
is crossing a road
very slowly with cows.
209
00:08:32,462 --> 00:08:34,774
Okay, okay, Bessie, now.
210
00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:36,767
Get yourself out there.
Easy does it.
211
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,980
Hey, come on, man!
I got to get to work!
212
00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:42,773
And so do they, sir.
213
00:08:42,973 --> 00:08:44,775
Hurry it UP!
214
00:08:44,975 --> 00:08:46,777
Wait a second.
215
00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:49,655
Now get in line, you!
216
00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:54,284
Hey, l thought l told you kids
to go plow in the field.
217
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,996
But, Dad, we've been
plowing all morning.
218
00:08:57,196 --> 00:08:58,664
Yeah, l can't take
any more plowing.
219
00:08:58,864 --> 00:08:59,673
I can barely walk.
220
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,983
Look, l know it seems
like dirty work, but, Chris,
221
00:09:02,183 --> 00:09:04,294
you got to spread that seed
until your sack is empty.
222
00:09:04,494 --> 00:09:06,463
And, Meg, you got to clear
away all that brush
223
00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:08,632
so he can plant it deep
where it needs to be.
224
00:09:08,832 --> 00:09:10,467
Okay, we'Il keep
at it, but l think
225
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:12,302
that hoe is pretty
much worn out.
226
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,680
Well, fliit over;
you can use both sides.
227
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,437
Peter, there's a guy
standing out in the yard.
228
00:09:21,637 --> 00:09:22,613
Oh, yeah, that's Larry.
229
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:25,065
Part of being a farmer is having
a best friend named Larry
230
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,817
who l spend huge
amounts of time with,
231
00:09:27,017 --> 00:09:27,993
but never actually talk to.
232
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:32,823
Ooh, you make me
live now, honey P
233
00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:36,827
Ooh, you make me live
234
00:09:37,027 --> 00:09:37,837
Oh
235
00:09:38,037 --> 00:09:40,539
You're the best friend
236
00:09:40,739 --> 00:09:42,842
That l ever had
237
00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:45,961
Been with you
such a long time
238
00:09:46,161 --> 00:09:48,401
You're my sunshine
239
00:09:48,601 --> 00:09:50,622
And l want you to know
240
00:09:50,822 --> 00:09:52,843
That my feelings are true
241
00:09:53,043 --> 00:09:55,533
I really love you.
242
00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:58,023
Peter, l'm dying.
243
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,684
This is the last time
I'Il ever see you.
244
00:10:00,884 --> 00:10:01,935
Bye.
245
00:10:06,482 --> 00:10:08,609
Peter, l've been running
the numbers on this farm,
246
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,035
and we're in deetrouble.
247
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,413
We haven't grown
a single croto sell.
248
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,577
And meanwhile,
you're spending half our money
249
00:10:14,777 --> 00:10:16,742
down at the General Store,
and the other half
250
00:10:16,942 --> 00:10:18,168
at the Specific Store.
251
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,370
Do you have almonds?
What kind of almonds?
252
00:10:20,570 --> 00:10:22,081
Marcona almonds.
From what region?
253
00:10:22,281 --> 00:10:22,882
The Basque Region.
254
00:10:23,082 --> 00:10:24,249
The Basque Region's
pretty big.
255
00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:25,375
North? South?
256
00:10:25,575 --> 00:10:26,302
Southern Basque.
257
00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:27,753
How much should
each almond weigh?
258
00:10:27,953 --> 00:10:28,554
Point eight ounces?
259
00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,255
Sorry, we only
have point sixes.
260
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:31,256
Aw.
261
00:10:33,092 --> 00:10:34,685
Yeah, hi. Do you have stuff?
262
00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:36,186
Yeah, we have stuff!
263
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,143
And is it true that you've been
spending the farm's money
264
00:10:39,343 --> 00:10:42,101
on gingham shirts you tie into
a knot to expose your belly?
265
00:10:42,301 --> 00:10:43,569
I bought a couple.
266
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:46,396
Well, with all this debt
and no income, there's no way
267
00:10:46,596 --> 00:10:48,774
we're gonna be able
to keeuour bank payments.
268
00:10:48,974 --> 00:10:50,901
Peter, if something
doesn't change,
269
00:10:51,101 --> 00:10:52,840
I'm afraid we're
gonna lose this farm.
270
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,780
Great, just what l need
on my conscience:
271
00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:56,156
another failed business.
272
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:00,665
Hi, l'd like to rent
The Proposal.
273
00:11:00,865 --> 00:11:02,727
Hang on, let me check
the return slot.
274
00:11:02,927 --> 00:11:04,590
I'm sorry, it hasn't
been returned yet.
275
00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:07,042
I have a poster from The
Proposal you can look at.
276
00:11:07,242 --> 00:11:08,731
You'Il get
most of the story.
277
00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:10,420
Huh. They seem
pretty mismatched.
278
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:11,597
There you go.
279
00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:13,006
Look, it's like
I've been saying,
280
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,570
farming is
very difficult.
281
00:11:14,770 --> 00:11:15,935
When? W-When did
you say that?
282
00:11:16,135 --> 00:11:18,178
Farming takes incredible
skill and knowledge
283
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,909
and the sort
of specialized experience
284
00:11:20,109 --> 00:11:21,640
that takes generations
to acquire.
285
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:25,144
Dad, my favorite hen laid
this crazy-looking egg!
286
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,571
Cheep-cheep.
287
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:28,614
What's your point, Brian?
288
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:30,741
My point is that
maybe l should go
289
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:33,443
to the local state college and
take some agriculture courses.
290
00:11:33,643 --> 00:11:35,529
With the proper training,
maybe l can actually
291
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,281
learn something that
will save this farm.
292
00:11:37,481 --> 00:11:38,624
Wow, Brian,
that's a great idea.
293
00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:41,285
And, hey, maybe l could give
the speech at your graduation.
294
00:11:41,485 --> 00:11:42,628
I'm really good at that.
295
00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:46,957
And so, as l look out at your
smiling faces filled with hope,
296
00:11:47,157 --> 00:11:49,635
all l can think is,
you are completely screwed.
297
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:53,297
As Martin Luther King once said,
"Ouch, l've been shot."
298
00:11:53,497 --> 00:11:55,090
Thank you.
299
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,352
Okay, that's
all my stuff.
300
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:01,471
I'm off to State Tech Ag
Central College Tech.
301
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,457
There's really two
"techs" in there?
302
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:05,655
The proudest day
of a man's life
303
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,853
is when his dog
goes off to college.
304
00:12:08,053 --> 00:12:09,029
I'Il learn all l can.
305
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,106
And l'Il see you guys soon.
306
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,112
Aw, he packed a guitar?
What a douche.
307
00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:21,241
Guys, what's that over there?
308
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:30,500
Oh, my God, it's a tornado!
309
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:32,886
And it's coming this way!
We got to run!
310
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:37,007
Hang on, guys, it might just be
the Tasmanian Devil.
311
00:12:37,207 --> 00:12:39,509
Come on!
Into the storm cellar!
312
00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:45,724
What is this place?
It's really dark down here.
313
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,542
Shh. MEG: What?
Did you hear something?
314
00:12:47,742 --> 00:12:49,519
No, l just want you
to stotalking.
315
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,855
Wait, l think
I found the lights.
316
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,200
Wh-What is that?
317
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,702
Aw, sweet!
It's some kind of lab.
318
00:12:56,902 --> 00:12:59,154
Hey, maybe it has
one of those things that goes...
319
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:03,408
'Cause that's
important for science.
320
00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:05,222
Look at all this stuff.
321
00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:07,172
Burners, plastic tubing.
322
00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:09,122
12 cases of
cold medicine?
323
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,049
You guys...
324
00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:12,542
I think this is
a meth lab.
325
00:13:12,742 --> 00:13:13,218
Oh, my God.
326
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,045
You mean like
as in...
327
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:16,847
D-R-U-G-S?
328
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,925
Aren't those
I-L-L-E-G-A-L?
329
00:13:20,125 --> 00:13:20,726
What's going on?
330
00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,577
What are you guys
talking about?
331
00:13:22,777 --> 00:13:24,429
Uh-oh, someone's
getting cranky.
332
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,190
I think he
needs an N-A-P.
333
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:28,058
What's happening?
Where are you taking me?
334
00:13:28,258 --> 00:13:30,143
Man, l got to crack this code.
335
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,742
Oh, my God!
336
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,652
You guys, there's
a fully functional meth lab
337
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:39,870
in our basement.
338
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,571
Boy, we should
clean this place up.
339
00:13:41,771 --> 00:13:43,156
It's a meth.
340
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:44,124
Brian?
341
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,600
Oh, right, you're at college.
342
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:46,776
We have to call
the police.
343
00:13:46,976 --> 00:13:47,753
Whoa, whoa,
hang on, Lois.
344
00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:49,129
Now, l know you're
freaked out,
345
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,147
but when you really stop
and think about it,
346
00:13:51,347 --> 00:13:53,166
this meth lab is our
family's best chance
347
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,635
to make meth in a lab.
348
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,795
What... what are you
talking about, Peter?
349
00:13:56,995 --> 00:13:58,088
I'm talking about
saving the farm.
350
00:13:58,288 --> 00:13:59,389
Don't you see?
351
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,967
This lab is just what we need
to get back on our feet.
352
00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:03,102
No way, Peter.
353
00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:04,520
Dealing drugs
is morally wrong,
354
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,559
not to mention
incredibly dangerous.
355
00:14:06,759 --> 00:14:08,598
Come on, we've always
been risk takers.
356
00:14:08,798 --> 00:14:09,775
You remember
when we did it
357
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:11,401
in the bathroom at
that restaurant?
358
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:14,629
I can't believe
we're actually gonna do this.
359
00:14:14,829 --> 00:14:17,858
Yeah. You go in first,
and l'Il go in a minute.
360
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,451
PETER
Oh, wow!
361
00:14:23,651 --> 00:14:24,915
Oh, my God!
362
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:27,242
Oh, this is amazing!
363
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,798
You dirty girl.
364
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,334
Peter, l haven't
left yet.
365
00:14:35,534 --> 00:14:37,928
You sick whore.
366
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,304
Look, it'd just be
temporary, Lois.
367
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:42,507
Just for a bit, just till we
get the farm back on its feet.
368
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,634
Till we get our family
back on its feet.
369
00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:46,323
I don't know...
Lois, we've always
370
00:14:46,523 --> 00:14:48,273
given our family
whatever it needs.
371
00:14:48,473 --> 00:14:50,023
Well, right now,
our family needs us
372
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,893
to sell illegal drugs to
the tank tocommunity.
373
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,269
What do you say?
374
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,950
All right, Peter, we can make
one meth, and that's it.
375
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:03,028
And it's only because l don't
see any other way out of this.
376
00:15:03,228 --> 00:15:03,829
Thanks, Lois.
377
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,864
Oh, this is gonna
work out great.
378
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:08,158
Hey, are you guys
gonna feed us anytime soon?
379
00:15:08,358 --> 00:15:09,993
No, sorry, we're
doing meth stuff now.
380
00:15:10,193 --> 00:15:11,170
I'Il eat that.
381
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:13,663
You just got clean.
382
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,844
Everyone, now that
I'm a meth dealer,
383
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:21,546
I'm going to respond
violently to outside noises
384
00:15:21,746 --> 00:15:23,173
that the rest of
you don't hear.
385
00:15:23,373 --> 00:15:24,383
Uh, okay, Peter,
but l...
386
00:15:24,583 --> 00:15:26,101
What was that?!
387
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,387
Dad, l think that
was just a cricket.
388
00:15:28,587 --> 00:15:29,638
Then what the hell was that?!
389
00:15:29,838 --> 00:15:30,847
That was just
me saying,
390
00:15:31,047 --> 00:15:32,057
"That was just
a cricket."
391
00:15:32,257 --> 00:15:32,858
Dad, settle down.
392
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:35,185
There's no one
out there, Peter.
393
00:15:35,385 --> 00:15:36,195
You sure?
394
00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:38,063
Yeah, yeah, you're right,
it's probably just a-
395
00:15:38,263 --> 00:15:39,376
Did you guys lock the truck?!
396
00:15:39,576 --> 00:15:40,490
Dad, we don't
even have a...
397
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,776
What the hell is
going on out there?!
398
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:44,027
Come on out,
whoever you are!
399
00:15:44,227 --> 00:15:44,828
I want to show my kids
400
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,822
what it looks like
when a bitch dies!
401
00:15:47,022 --> 00:15:48,010
Peter, there's
no one there.
402
00:15:48,210 --> 00:15:48,999
Well, maybe l
should just fire
403
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,410
a couple of rounds
into the darkness.
404
00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:55,205
Don't hear those
crickets no more.
405
00:15:55,405 --> 00:15:56,882
I'm not...
gonna make it.
406
00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:58,917
You hang in there,
you hear me?
407
00:15:58,959 --> 00:15:59,885
Listen to me.
408
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,087
I want you to take
care of my kids.
409
00:16:02,287 --> 00:16:03,347
I will.
410
00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:07,717
And l want you to be there
whenever there's a bad joke.
411
00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:11,054
Let them know.
Let them know.
412
00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:14,061
Gee, l hope l didn't
scare the cows.
413
00:16:14,261 --> 00:16:16,226
I don't want to put
them in a bad mood.
414
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:25,118
What's that, Dad?
415
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,612
It's my new meth
distribution system.
416
00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:29,113
I've trained this
carrier pigeon
417
00:16:29,313 --> 00:16:30,615
to do all my deliveries for me.
418
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:32,117
Fly away, Benjamin!
419
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:34,920
Ah, perfect, perfect.
420
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,272
Now this is the money
I owe Peter.
421
00:16:37,472 --> 00:16:39,624
I want you
to take it back to him.
422
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:40,834
Do you understand?
423
00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:44,763
Round and round
424
00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,965
With love, we'Il find...
425
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,596
Yes, hello, l'd like to buy
400 blister packs of Actifed,
426
00:16:52,796 --> 00:16:54,931
or similar pseudoephedrine-based
decongestant.
427
00:16:55,131 --> 00:16:55,774
Why?
428
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,602
I have a cold.
429
00:16:58,802 --> 00:16:59,778
Achoo.
430
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:02,355
Hang on, let me
check something.
431
00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:08,303
Okay, you're fine.
432
00:17:08,503 --> 00:17:09,646
Be right back.
433
00:17:09,846 --> 00:17:10,789
Well done, Stewie.
434
00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:12,491
That could've gone really wrong.
435
00:17:12,691 --> 00:17:14,117
Like that Kid Rock concert.
436
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,130
Oh, my God, help!
437
00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:19,627
He's having
a heart attack!
438
00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:20,924
Is anyone here
a doctor?!
439
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:24,085
No way
someone's a doctor here.
440
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,634
Hey, everyone, l'm back!
441
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:31,810
Hello?
442
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,637
What the hell?
443
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,777
Hey, Brian's home!
444
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,854
What the hell
is going on?
445
00:17:43,054 --> 00:17:44,031
Nothing, nothing.
446
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:45,444
Just working on
a family project.
447
00:17:45,644 --> 00:17:46,858
Getting in some
together time.
448
00:17:47,058 --> 00:17:48,005
I have a crossbow!
449
00:17:48,205 --> 00:17:49,830
Chris has a crossbow.
450
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:51,455
Okay, well, uh...
451
00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:53,165
I'm back
from agricultural school,
452
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,992
and l might have the solution
to our farming trouble.
453
00:17:56,192 --> 00:17:58,036
I brought some
heirloom tomato seeds.
454
00:17:58,236 --> 00:17:59,338
That's nice, Brian.
455
00:17:59,538 --> 00:18:01,665
Here's a new kind of meth
you put in your pee-hole.
456
00:18:01,865 --> 00:18:02,549
Wh-What?
457
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:03,875
Oh, yeah,
we're meth dealers now.
458
00:18:04,075 --> 00:18:04,676
Yeah, you missed it.
459
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,674
My teeth came in
and then fell out again.
460
00:18:06,874 --> 00:18:08,672
I don't believe this!
Are you guys insane?!
461
00:18:08,872 --> 00:18:09,860
We're rich
is what we are!
462
00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:10,849
Look at all
that cash, Brian.
463
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:12,367
He don't get none of that!
464
00:18:12,567 --> 00:18:13,689
He wasn't
here for it!
465
00:18:13,889 --> 00:18:14,934
Well, this is just great!
466
00:18:15,134 --> 00:18:15,979
I turn my back for a month,
467
00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:17,814
and this place
turns into a drug den!
468
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:21,309
For your information,
it is also a drag queen hangout.
469
00:18:21,509 --> 00:18:24,062
Hey, look, our meth
is on the news!
470
00:18:24,262 --> 00:18:25,113
Good evening, l'm Tom Tucker.
471
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:28,091
Our tostory: Methamphetamine
is flooding into Quahog
472
00:18:28,291 --> 00:18:31,069
in epidemic amounts, and is
believed to be originating
473
00:18:31,269 --> 00:18:33,133
from the nearby
rural community of Farmton.
474
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:35,198
Farmton- that's the name
of the place we live.
475
00:18:35,398 --> 00:18:37,700
For more on the story,
we now go live
476
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,702
to Asian correspondent
Tricia Takanawa.
477
00:18:39,902 --> 00:18:41,705
Tom, meth is fine!
Everything's fine!
478
00:18:41,905 --> 00:18:43,081
Go back to your own business!
479
00:18:43,281 --> 00:18:43,882
Thanks, Tricia.
480
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:46,334
She's doing fun things
for me, for money.
481
00:18:46,534 --> 00:18:47,594
Oh, my God.
482
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,713
We're hurting
our own hometown.
483
00:18:49,913 --> 00:18:51,014
All those drugs that are
484
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,091
flooding into Quahog
are from us.
485
00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:54,226
Oh, yeah?
486
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,515
Well, if we're dealing
so many drugs to Quahog,
487
00:18:56,715 --> 00:18:58,805
why is the Quahog envelope
so light this week?
488
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,273
Yeah, l say
we go down there
489
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,604
and talk to
those people in Quahog.
490
00:19:02,804 --> 00:19:04,854
No! This is
what l'm talking about.
491
00:19:05,054 --> 00:19:06,905
Meth has turned
us into monsters.
492
00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:09,007
Lois, take it easy.
No. You know what?
493
00:19:09,207 --> 00:19:11,109
This is my own fault
for listening to you.
494
00:19:11,309 --> 00:19:13,111
I forgot you don't even
know your ass
495
00:19:13,311 --> 00:19:14,821
from a hole
in the ground.
496
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:18,792
Is that... is that my ass?
497
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,627
Lois, where
the hell you going?
498
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,255
I'm going back home to
Quahog, where l belong.
499
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:26,249
If any of you want to come
with me, you're welcome to.
500
00:19:26,449 --> 00:19:27,759
First of all,
you sat in something green
501
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,128
and it's on your butt,
so no one's gonna follow you.
502
00:19:30,328 --> 00:19:32,005
And second,
no one's gonna leave a place
503
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:32,889
where there are
tons of beakers
504
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,258
for a place where
there are zero beakers.
505
00:19:35,458 --> 00:19:36,435
Peter, don't you see?
506
00:19:36,635 --> 00:19:39,204
We left Quahog because
of the crime problem.
507
00:19:39,404 --> 00:19:41,548
But now we've become
part of that problem.
508
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:43,892
Yo, what is this bitch
trippin' about?!
509
00:19:44,092 --> 00:19:45,268
Look at our
lives, Peter.
510
00:19:45,468 --> 00:19:46,278
Look at our family.
511
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:48,447
I don't recognize
us anymore.
512
00:19:48,647 --> 00:19:50,607
It's time to go back
to Spooner Street
513
00:19:50,807 --> 00:19:52,651
and be the
Griffins again.
514
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:55,954
Let's go, Peter.
515
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:57,956
Let's go back
to Quahog.
516
00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:00,033
But... but what about
this farm?
517
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,168
And this house?
518
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:04,037
And the lab inside the house,
which is currently producing
519
00:20:04,237 --> 00:20:06,039
an incredibly volatile
and explosive batch
520
00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:07,540
of thermo-reactive chemic...
521
00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:18,051
There were a lot of
Rottweilers in that house.
522
00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:23,394
Well, it's good to be
back in our old house.
523
00:20:23,594 --> 00:20:25,602
How did we get this place
back, by the way?
524
00:20:25,802 --> 00:20:27,811
Well, luckily the value
of this place plummeted
525
00:20:28,011 --> 00:20:28,987
because this is
a meth town now.
526
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,114
You know, l think the
lesson here is that
527
00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:34,321
if your community has problems,
you don't abandon it.
528
00:20:34,521 --> 00:20:36,821
It's better to stay put and
helfix those problems.
529
00:20:37,021 --> 00:20:39,135
That's right, Lois, 'cause
wherever you run to,
530
00:20:39,335 --> 00:20:41,449
your problems have a
funny way of finding you.
531
00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:44,202
Hey, are you guys in there?
532
00:20:44,402 --> 00:20:46,079
Peter, l need a taste!
533
00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:49,065
Oh, my God, it's Jodie Sweetin.
534
00:20:49,265 --> 00:20:50,967
Quick, everyone
lie on the floor.
535
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,837
Peter, come on! l've got
Maureen McCormick with me.
536
00:20:54,037 --> 00:20:55,138
She'Il let you
finish anywhere.
537
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:58,466
Okay, everyone hide upstairs.
Daddy's gonna take care of this.38873
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