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1
00:00:01,961 --> 00:00:04,947
It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,147 --> 00:00:08,134
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,218 --> 00:00:11,888
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,088 --> 00:00:15,099
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,299 --> 00:00:18,111
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,311 --> 00:00:21,648
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do
7
00:00:21,848 --> 00:00:23,066
All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,266 --> 00:00:24,526
Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:30,073
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:36,792
All right, Drunken
Clammers, this is it,
11
00:00:36,992 --> 00:00:38,506
the most important
game of the season.
12
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,525
Now, is everybody drunk?
13
00:00:40,725 --> 00:00:42,544
Completely.
Okay, good.
14
00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:45,138
And did nobody warm up?
15
00:00:45,338 --> 00:00:48,049
Good. 'Cause there's nothing
an unstretched middle-aged body
16
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,851
likes more than
explosive movements.
17
00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:52,053
Now remember, we're here
to impress the girlfriends
18
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,063
of guys we barely know,
19
00:00:53,263 --> 00:00:55,515
so when you get the ball,
throw it like a cannon.
20
00:00:55,715 --> 00:00:57,892
You must throw your arm out
on every play.
21
00:00:57,934 --> 00:00:59,894
Any other softball-related
questions?
22
00:00:59,936 --> 00:01:00,862
Yeah, l got a question:
23
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,897
Can we leave
our bad-for-the-environment
24
00:01:02,939 --> 00:01:05,066
Styrofoam coolers behind
when we leave?
25
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:06,630
Yes, you must
leave them behind,
26
00:01:06,830 --> 00:01:07,994
and they must be
in a crumbly mess
27
00:01:08,194 --> 00:01:10,071
so that the city clean-up
workers have to chase
28
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,748
the little bits
when the wind blows.
29
00:01:11,948 --> 00:01:13,700
You know, Stewie, this is
actually a good park.
30
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,577
I've found a lot
of old tennis balls here.
31
00:01:15,777 --> 00:01:17,078
Eh, l don't care
for this place.
32
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,004
Last time l was here,
33
00:01:18,204 --> 00:01:20,840
I accidentally walked
into a Spanish picnic.
34
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,210
Excuse me, has anyone seen
a toy car around here?
35
00:01:24,410 --> 00:01:25,962
Ooh. Es baby.
36
00:01:26,162 --> 00:01:27,714
I make beautiful.
37
00:01:34,304 --> 00:01:36,806
Don't get any ideas
about Julio.
38
00:01:37,006 --> 00:01:38,608
I'm his number one.
39
00:01:38,808 --> 00:01:41,227
Here comes
Goldman's Pharmacy.
40
00:01:43,062 --> 00:01:46,733
Can you fill out a prescription
for us for diarrhea?
41
00:01:46,933 --> 00:01:48,234
We're about to get the runs!
42
00:01:50,612 --> 00:01:52,113
Oh, yeah?
Well, speaking of things
43
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,740
that are brown and can run,
44
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:55,658
meet our new teammate!
45
00:01:58,036 --> 00:01:59,838
Holy crap.
They got a ringer.
46
00:02:00,038 --> 00:02:02,123
What the hell?
Jerome's on your team?
47
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:03,916
That's right.
We got to know each other
48
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,127
while l was following
him around my store.
49
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:08,129
What's up, fools?
I'd like to dedicate
50
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:11,007
my performance today
to Miss Whitney Houston.
51
00:02:11,207 --> 00:02:13,051
Oh, we are.
52
00:02:17,055 --> 00:02:17,856
Come on, Jerome!
53
00:02:18,056 --> 00:02:19,816
Get a hit so l can bring
54
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:22,189
a sports trophy home
for my parents!
55
00:02:22,389 --> 00:02:24,362
Jeffrey Lipsitz
has two soccer medals!
56
00:02:24,562 --> 00:02:27,315
I can't play soccer-
I have newborn-calf ankles!
57
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,442
You know this, damn it!
58
00:02:30,443 --> 00:02:33,095
I'm gonna tear the cover
off this ball.
59
00:02:33,295 --> 00:02:35,948
But, hang on, first l got
to adjust myself.
60
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:43,456
Are you having
a nice morning, dear?
61
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:46,918
Oh, yes, l love living here,
in the next town over.
62
00:02:50,713 --> 00:02:51,614
All right, chick batter!
63
00:02:51,814 --> 00:02:52,715
Everyone bring it in!
64
00:02:52,915 --> 00:02:53,945
Bring it on in!
65
00:02:54,145 --> 00:02:54,976
Get a hit, babe!
66
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,145
You know it, babe.
67
00:02:57,345 --> 00:03:00,098
All right, move it back!
Move it back!
68
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:03,776
Peter, why do you look
so nervous?
69
00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:07,855
I promised a kid in the hospital
I'd hit a home run for him.
70
00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:12,660
Sorry, l struck
out looking.
71
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,862
Wait, you're not
the kid l promised.
72
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,739
No, he died last night.
73
00:03:16,939 --> 00:03:18,366
Oh, phew.
74
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,996
All right, guys, one more out
and the game is ours.
75
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,498
Come on, Horace!
Strike him out!
76
00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:41,723
Horace! You okay?
77
00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:42,649
Oh, my God!
He's really hurt bad!
78
00:03:42,849 --> 00:03:44,016
You're out of the baseline,
by the way.
79
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:44,817
You're out. Game's over.
80
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,353
But, oh, my God,
Horace is really hurt.
81
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,897
He's dead.
82
00:03:51,524 --> 00:03:54,152
Let him rest in peace.
83
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,847
Let's put
some leaves on him
84
00:03:58,047 --> 00:03:59,991
and go get some ice cream.
85
00:04:06,581 --> 00:04:08,583
I can't believe Horace is dead.
86
00:04:08,624 --> 00:04:12,086
I can't believe we left Brian
in the car with the windows up.
87
00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:14,889
I'm gonna pee!
88
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,684
Listen, l just
feel awful about this.
89
00:04:17,884 --> 00:04:20,261
Horace was a good bartender
and a good guy.
90
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,263
I wish there was something
I could do.
91
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,265
Well, we know you
didn't mean it, Jerome.
92
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:25,817
It's just a
terrible situation.
93
00:04:26,017 --> 00:04:27,856
Like when you're the
only one at the table
94
00:04:28,056 --> 00:04:29,939
where the waiter doesn't
say, "Good order."
95
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:31,823
I'Il have the halibut.
Ah, great choice.
96
00:04:32,023 --> 00:04:34,363
One of the chef's specialties;
you'Il love it.
97
00:04:34,563 --> 00:04:36,903
It was caught fresh less
than ten miles from here.
98
00:04:37,103 --> 00:04:38,717
I'Il have the New York
stristeak.
99
00:04:38,917 --> 00:04:40,331
Mmm! My absolute
favorite dish here.
100
00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:43,117
It is a spectacular cut,
superbly seasoned
101
00:04:43,159 --> 00:04:45,912
and the marbling is some
of the best l've ever seen.
102
00:04:46,112 --> 00:04:47,288
And l'Il have
the chicken.
103
00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:48,915
Mm-hmm.
104
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,126
Good afternoon.
105
00:04:52,168 --> 00:04:53,553
I'd just like to say that...
106
00:04:53,753 --> 00:04:56,506
before today, l didn't know
the Munsters were driving around
107
00:04:56,706 --> 00:04:58,132
in a funeral car.
108
00:04:58,174 --> 00:05:00,426
I'm beginning to think
everything on that show
109
00:05:00,626 --> 00:05:02,553
was a big joke.
110
00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:09,185
I'd, um... l'd just like...
111
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,689
Whe... When you lose...
112
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:20,780
Um, there's
so... There's so mu...
113
00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:23,449
There's so much...
114
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:32,884
Thank you, Quagmire.
115
00:05:33,084 --> 00:05:36,838
Perhaps there are some men who
would like to say a few words.
116
00:05:37,038 --> 00:05:39,641
Horace owned the Clam
for over 30 years.
117
00:05:39,841 --> 00:05:42,556
During that time,
he touched all of our lives.
118
00:05:42,756 --> 00:05:45,327
He was a great bartender
and a great friend.
119
00:05:45,527 --> 00:05:48,152
And so let us take
a look back on his life
120
00:05:48,352 --> 00:05:50,977
through this video
commemorating all the DUl's
121
00:05:51,177 --> 00:05:53,229
that he was responsible for.
122
00:05:56,065 --> 00:06:02,617
I will remember you
123
00:06:02,817 --> 00:06:07,808
Will you remember me?
124
00:06:08,008 --> 00:06:11,654
Don't let your life
125
00:06:11,854 --> 00:06:14,641
Pass you by
126
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:17,428
Ouch.
127
00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:19,681
Is there a bathroom in here?
128
00:06:19,881 --> 00:06:23,342
I've been yo-yoing a turd
for the last 20 minutes.
129
00:06:29,015 --> 00:06:29,941
Oh, sorry.
130
00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:31,192
I was looking
for the bathroom.
131
00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:33,148
I shouldn't have left
the door open.
132
00:06:33,348 --> 00:06:35,104
Sorry if you're grossed out
by this.
133
00:06:35,304 --> 00:06:36,197
No. No, no, l'm just...
134
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:40,109
not used to seeing corpses
that big and not in a toilet.
135
00:06:40,309 --> 00:06:42,361
Oh, here, let me
helyou with that.
136
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:45,665
There you go.
137
00:06:45,865 --> 00:06:47,542
Now you're all set
for your big day.
138
00:06:47,742 --> 00:06:50,912
Thanks. You know, l could use
some part-time helhere
139
00:06:51,112 --> 00:06:52,747
preparing the bodies,
if you're interested.
140
00:06:52,947 --> 00:06:54,749
Really? Yeah,
that'd-that'd be great.
141
00:06:54,949 --> 00:06:55,842
I could use the money,
142
00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:57,969
and l'm getting kind of
tired of my old job.
143
00:06:58,169 --> 00:07:00,922
Only a half a point
divides our totwo competitors
144
00:07:01,122 --> 00:07:03,925
as we enter the last event,
the Meg Roll.
145
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,930
You think it's cool
to go drinking
146
00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:09,731
right after Horace's funeral?
147
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:12,183
Of course. It's what
he would've wanted.
148
00:07:12,383 --> 00:07:13,735
Listen, we all
got to move on.
149
00:07:13,935 --> 00:07:17,939
Like the Secret Service did
on November 23, 1963.
150
00:07:18,139 --> 00:07:19,690
All right, guys,
I know that yesterday
151
00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:21,067
was a rough one for us.
152
00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:22,076
But it's with great pride
153
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,946
that l'm gonna turn this zero
into a one.
154
00:07:25,146 --> 00:07:25,747
All right!
155
00:07:25,947 --> 00:07:28,157
Nichols, you should
go home and change.
156
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:31,953
What the hell?
Hey, pal, what're you doing?
157
00:07:32,153 --> 00:07:33,016
This is our bar.
158
00:07:33,216 --> 00:07:34,080
Not anymore.
159
00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:35,957
Horace owed more
than this place is worth,
160
00:07:36,157 --> 00:07:37,133
so it's the bank's now.
161
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:40,336
I'm sorry but The Drunken Clam
is permanently closed.
162
00:07:40,536 --> 00:07:41,512
Closed?!
163
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:43,514
That was the start
of the dark times.
164
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:47,468
The banks took our bars, our
businesses and then our homes.
165
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:48,895
A change had to be made.
166
00:07:49,095 --> 00:07:51,472
A change only one man
could make.
167
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,474
lam the Wind Maker...
168
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,352
...and l shoot monkeys now.
169
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,987
We now return
to Joanie Loves Chris Brown.
170
00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:08,289
Joanie! Chris!
171
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,992
Welcome to the party.
Can l offer you some punch?
172
00:08:11,192 --> 00:08:13,252
No, thanks. l had
some in the car.
173
00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:15,521
Joanie Loves
Chris Brown was taped in front
174
00:08:15,721 --> 00:08:17,590
of 0 very uncomfortable
studio audience.
175
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:19,692
Man, it really sucks
they closed down the Clam.
176
00:08:19,892 --> 00:08:21,594
Yeah, but I... l mean,
this is good, right?
177
00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:24,130
I mean, as long as we got a
place to drink and a restroom
178
00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:26,507
for businessmen to have
homosexual encounters.
179
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:27,809
Hey, thanks for the sex.
180
00:08:28,009 --> 00:08:31,053
Thank you for notarizing
those documents.
181
00:08:31,253 --> 00:08:32,855
Peter, what's
going on down here?
182
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:34,936
Why are there beer bottles
all over the floor?
183
00:08:35,136 --> 00:08:37,018
Well, we needed a new spot
to drink, Lois.
184
00:08:37,218 --> 00:08:38,361
Forget it, Peter.
185
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:39,821
You're not turning our
living room into a bar.
186
00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:42,440
Oh, come on, Lois, we got
to have a place to drink.
187
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:43,449
Drinking is the only thing
188
00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:44,617
holding this friendship
together.
189
00:08:44,817 --> 00:08:47,453
Everything we try to do sober
just ends badly.
190
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,656
I just don't think a good way
to start a screenplay is,
191
00:08:50,856 --> 00:08:53,000
"400 years ago
in Bethesda, Maryland."
192
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,536
Yeah, and don't you think it's
confusing that every character
193
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,934
in the movie is named Movie Guy?
Come on, you guys.
194
00:08:58,134 --> 00:09:00,332
The Oscars are next week,
so let's get this done.
195
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,965
Meg, l'm needed upstairs,
so l'Il let you finish up.
196
00:09:08,165 --> 00:09:09,475
Just put some blush
here and here.
197
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:13,054
It makes the eyes look
a little less dead and hollow.
198
00:09:13,254 --> 00:09:14,647
Wow, that really works.
199
00:09:14,847 --> 00:09:16,899
Hmm. Maybe l'Il try
that on myself.
200
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:21,604
Oh, uh... you have what we call
a "closed casket face."
201
00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:24,532
Hey, Meg,
who's your date?
202
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,868
He looks like a real stiff.
203
00:09:27,068 --> 00:09:29,032
Chris, what the hell
are you doing here?
204
00:09:29,232 --> 00:09:30,997
I told you not to
bother me at work.
205
00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:34,475
I got locked out of the house,
and l need your key.
206
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,953
No way! You get to work
with all these dead people?
207
00:09:38,153 --> 00:09:40,206
Hey, look,
this guy's picking his nose.
208
00:09:41,457 --> 00:09:42,875
Look, now he's eating it!
209
00:09:43,075 --> 00:09:43,926
Chris! Knock it off!
210
00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:46,087
You're gonna get me
in trouble!
211
00:09:46,287 --> 00:09:47,054
Meg, they're dead.
212
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,806
Would you stobeing so uptight?
213
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:50,883
You're like one
of those Asian-Americans
214
00:09:51,083 --> 00:09:52,510
who fought in Vietnam.
215
00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,971
Oh, it's just me.
216
00:09:59,475 --> 00:10:01,727
Peter, l thought you were taking
us to a new drinking spot.
217
00:10:01,927 --> 00:10:03,070
What are we doing at the Clam?
Look, guys,
218
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,898
we tried other bars,
we tried drinking at home,
219
00:10:06,098 --> 00:10:07,074
we even tried the big
end-of-the-year
220
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,777
high school party
that will change everything.
221
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,341
If we don't lose our
virginity tonight,
222
00:10:11,541 --> 00:10:12,905
we're never gonna
make it in college!
223
00:10:13,105 --> 00:10:14,290
Hey, where's Peter?
224
00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:17,785
Only talking to Amanda Small,
the hottest girl in school.
225
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,837
But aren't you going out
with Joanne Fuller?
226
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:22,915
JoJo? No, she's my neighbor.
I've known her forever.
227
00:10:23,115 --> 00:10:24,416
She works at her dad's garage.
228
00:10:24,616 --> 00:10:26,043
She's practically a guy.
229
00:10:26,243 --> 00:10:27,929
JoJo?!
230
00:10:28,129 --> 00:10:31,132
Looking from
a window above... P
231
00:10:31,332 --> 00:10:32,308
Hi, Peter.
232
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:35,427
But l thought you was workin'
on your garbage sculpture.
233
00:10:35,627 --> 00:10:37,971
There was someone
I had to see first.
234
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,516
Sorry, Amanda.
By the law of '80s movies,
235
00:10:40,716 --> 00:10:42,068
a newly transformed tomboy
236
00:10:42,268 --> 00:10:45,062
supersedes your
long-standing hotness.
237
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:49,942
And all l ever knew
238
00:10:50,142 --> 00:10:51,652
Only you...
239
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,950
Let's face it- there's only
one drinking spot for us,
240
00:10:58,150 --> 00:11:00,035
and it's the Clam.
But, Peter, it's closed.
241
00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:00,962
We can't go in there.
242
00:11:01,162 --> 00:11:02,755
Quagmire, when a girl
says she doesn't want
243
00:11:02,955 --> 00:11:05,457
to have sex with you,
do you take that as an answer?
244
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,153
My lawyer has advised me
not to answer that question.
245
00:11:09,353 --> 00:11:11,839
Look, l bet you could squeeze
through that window.
246
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:15,768
It's not even locked.
247
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:17,619
And all the booze
is still in there.
248
00:11:17,819 --> 00:11:19,471
Come on, guys,
this is trespassing
249
00:11:19,671 --> 00:11:20,606
and it's against the law.
250
00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:22,683
Maybe we should
just let the Clam go
251
00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:23,976
and, l don't know,
spend more time
252
00:11:24,176 --> 00:11:24,977
with our families.
253
00:11:25,177 --> 00:11:25,778
Yeah, l tried that.
254
00:11:25,978 --> 00:11:27,530
I just spend most of the time
255
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,732
testing Chris to see
if he's autistic.
256
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:32,568
No!
257
00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:35,871
Not overly affectionate.
258
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:38,098
Guys, this is where we belong.
259
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,326
Yeah, no question
about that.
260
00:11:40,526 --> 00:11:41,293
Yeah, we got roots here.
261
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,495
We've been coming
to this place for 15 years.
262
00:11:43,695 --> 00:11:45,059
Our roots go back
further than that.
263
00:11:45,259 --> 00:11:46,624
My grandfather
used to bring me here
264
00:11:46,824 --> 00:11:47,675
when l was a kid.
265
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,710
And his grandfather
brought him here.
266
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,683
Good day, gentlemen!
267
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,184
Welcome to the Drunken Clam!
268
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,386
Can l get you boys
a mug of stout?
269
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,521
Why, certainly.
270
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,264
This is a bully establishment
you've got here.
271
00:12:02,464 --> 00:12:03,515
The doors are a little short,
272
00:12:03,715 --> 00:12:04,316
but that's okay,
273
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,644
because we're smaller back now.
274
00:12:08,229 --> 00:12:09,071
To the Clam!
275
00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:10,406
Hear, hear!
276
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:12,966
And to brain-damaging
venereal disease.
277
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,527
I wake uwith blood
on my penis pillow.
278
00:12:15,727 --> 00:12:16,328
I'm gonna go insane
279
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,864
in a wheelchair,
staring at the sea.
280
00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:23,415
This is everything about..
281
00:12:23,615 --> 00:12:25,246
If it's the Clam, l love it.
282
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,715
I was just
gonna... that's exactly.
283
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:30,818
Hey, uh, remember...
remember-remember when...
284
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:33,921
remember when... remember
when Quicktime here
285
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:36,027
passed out in this...
in this booth...
286
00:12:36,227 --> 00:12:37,933
this booth,
and we did stuff to him
287
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:41,053
that you do to ladies
and we-we promised
288
00:12:41,253 --> 00:12:42,179
we'd never tell you.
289
00:12:42,379 --> 00:12:43,230
Wha...?
290
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,732
To the Clam!
291
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:49,186
Joe, you- wha...
your hair looks stupid.
292
00:12:49,386 --> 00:12:50,738
All... all the greatest...
293
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,090
all the greatest
moments of my life,
294
00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:55,442
I spent right here
in-in this booth.
295
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:56,744
Maggie's first word.
296
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,071
Bart jumping that canyon.
297
00:12:59,271 --> 00:12:59,997
Mr. Plow.
298
00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:02,574
All the greatest
moments of my life.
299
00:13:02,774 --> 00:13:04,576
Why is... why is Label Guy
300
00:13:04,776 --> 00:13:06,087
trying to punch me?
301
00:13:06,287 --> 00:13:09,456
Punch you first, Label Guy.
302
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:10,466
I got to go peg
303
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:12,259
I don't want to get up.
304
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,886
Joe, where's the... that thing?
305
00:13:14,086 --> 00:13:16,088
Where's the thing?
Where's the catheter thing?
306
00:13:16,288 --> 00:13:17,223
No, it's mine,
it's private.
307
00:13:17,423 --> 00:13:19,842
Hey, what happens
if l blow in this end?
308
00:13:20,042 --> 00:13:21,093
Don't, l'Il 'splode.
309
00:13:21,293 --> 00:13:23,220
I'm gonna.
310
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:27,599
You do it better
than Bonnie.
311
00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:31,186
It takes a man
to know what a man likes.
312
00:13:35,316 --> 00:13:37,363
Meg, the Dougan family
called and they now want
313
00:13:37,563 --> 00:13:39,611
Mr. Dougan in a gray suit
for the wake tomorrow.
314
00:13:39,811 --> 00:13:40,788
'Cause it so matters.
315
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,489
Could you change
his suit, please?
316
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:45,492
Sure.
I'Il be back in a bit.
317
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:50,756
Oh... my... God!
318
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,125
All right, Chris,
where is it?
319
00:13:53,325 --> 00:13:54,510
And don't try to act like
320
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:56,211
you don't know what
I'm talking about.
321
00:13:56,411 --> 00:13:58,025
Fine, you caught me.
322
00:13:58,225 --> 00:13:59,640
So l borrowed your bra.
323
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,343
My boobs hurt when l
go down the stairs!
324
00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:03,844
No, not that, you idiot.
325
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:05,329
Where is the dead body?
326
00:14:05,529 --> 00:14:06,772
I know you took it.
327
00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:08,561
And don't lie, or l'Il
tell Jennifer Connelly
328
00:14:08,761 --> 00:14:10,351
that you're the one
who's been mailing her
329
00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:11,318
those dog heads.
330
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,855
Uh, yes, l'd like
to mail this to a whore.
331
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,198
Okay, fine, Meg!
332
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:18,734
I used the body to get me
into R-rated movies.
333
00:14:18,934 --> 00:14:20,027
After that,
I took him swimming
334
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:21,162
and he fell apart.
335
00:14:21,362 --> 00:14:23,455
Chris, Mr. Dougan's
wake is tomorrow,
336
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,367
and there's going to be
a body in that casket.
337
00:14:26,567 --> 00:14:28,869
If it's not his,
it's going to be yours.
338
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,437
Hey, guvs,
what's goin' on?
339
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,614
And no one says anything,
340
00:14:32,814 --> 00:14:34,792
which means they hate it.
341
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,473
Oh, God.
342
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,179
I am so hung over.
343
00:14:43,379 --> 00:14:44,685
Me, too.
344
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,432
But luckily,
when l'm hung over,
345
00:14:46,632 --> 00:14:48,180
I can just molt
into another Peter.
346
00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:52,818
Wow, that's amazing.
347
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,378
Yeah, but for the next
ten minutes,
348
00:14:54,578 --> 00:14:55,938
I'Il be very vulnerable
to predators.
349
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:57,740
Mountain lion.
350
00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,191
Make yourself look big!
351
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,197
What the hell?
352
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,575
There's a bunch
of bulldozers out there.
353
00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:15,795
Hold it, hold it!
What-what's going on?
354
00:15:15,995 --> 00:15:17,584
We're here to
demolish this building
355
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,085
by order of the bank.
356
00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:20,387
Like hell you are!
357
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,090
Wh-What are you
talking about, Peter?
358
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:25,008
We ain't goin' nowhere.
359
00:15:25,208 --> 00:15:26,927
This bar belongs to us.
360
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:31,098
Ice cream truck!
361
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,230
You didn't get any ice cream?
362
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:35,936
The ice cream man
was handsome.
363
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:37,104
I got nervous.
364
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:47,665
We interrupt this program
365
00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:50,142
for a Channel Five
breaking news report.
366
00:15:50,342 --> 00:15:52,235
Three local men
have barricaded themselves
367
00:15:52,435 --> 00:15:54,329
inside a Quahog bar,
and are currently
368
00:15:54,529 --> 00:15:56,081
in a standoff with authorities.
369
00:15:56,281 --> 00:15:57,633
We now go live to Joyce Kinney,
370
00:15:57,833 --> 00:16:00,085
who attended her sister's
wedding last night.
371
00:16:00,285 --> 00:16:00,928
Thanks, Tom.
372
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,467
One of the suspects has been
373
00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:04,006
identified as Peter Griffin.
374
00:16:04,206 --> 00:16:05,319
But the real story is,
375
00:16:05,519 --> 00:16:06,433
I'd be married, too,
376
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,635
if l were willing
to date a Persian.
377
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:09,770
Guys, they found him.
378
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,330
Don't bother
with the posters.
379
00:16:11,530 --> 00:16:13,236
My God,
what is Peter thinking?!
380
00:16:13,436 --> 00:16:14,942
Yes, he's crazy as
a serial killer.
381
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,644
All right, what do you
want for your last meal?
382
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,771
Uh, l think l'Il
just have a salad.
383
00:16:19,971 --> 00:16:20,656
Dressing on the side.
384
00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:23,025
I had a huge last lunch.
385
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,705
All right, listen uin there!
386
00:16:27,905 --> 00:16:30,407
Let's not make this
any harder than it has to be.
387
00:16:30,607 --> 00:16:32,493
We have a lot of dumb cops here.
388
00:16:32,693 --> 00:16:33,556
Guys, this is crazy.
389
00:16:33,756 --> 00:16:34,420
Plus, l'm a cop.
390
00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:36,167
I can't be a part of this.
391
00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:37,715
Come on, Joe, this is our bar.
392
00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:39,800
It's where the three of us
made that suicide pact
393
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,794
that Quagmire and l are gonna
back out of at the last minute.
394
00:16:42,994 --> 00:16:45,005
I'm sorry, guys,
but it's my job.
395
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:47,299
I got a family to support.
396
00:16:47,499 --> 00:16:48,100
That jerk!
397
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,310
How could he desert us?
398
00:16:49,510 --> 00:16:51,345
Relax, Quagmire,
he's just doing his job.
399
00:16:51,545 --> 00:16:52,438
You'Il forgive him.
400
00:16:52,638 --> 00:16:55,015
Just like Kathleen Turner
forgave her mirror.
401
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:55,816
Sorry.
402
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,018
Turns out you were
right about me.
403
00:17:00,479 --> 00:17:01,655
Officer, wait!
404
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,028
I'm his wife;
give me that bullhorn.
405
00:17:04,228 --> 00:17:06,401
Peter, you get out here
right now,
406
00:17:06,601 --> 00:17:07,703
or else l'm throwing away
407
00:17:07,903 --> 00:17:10,831
all of your
Mr. Potato Heads, l swear.
408
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:13,909
It's okay, she only knows
where the decoys are.
409
00:17:14,109 --> 00:17:15,669
Swanson, there you are.
410
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,463
Listen, you hang out
at this dump.
411
00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:20,040
I want you to go in there
and end this thing.
412
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,166
I'Il do my best, sir.
413
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,348
PETER".
This is our bar.
414
00:17:27,548 --> 00:17:29,725
It's the cornerstone
of our friendship.
415
00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:31,477
Joe, this is Tim Gunn.
416
00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:32,853
I agree with your friend.
417
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:36,056
I got to get that guy
out of my head.
418
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,245
Look, they're sending Joe in.
419
00:17:38,445 --> 00:17:40,508
All right, listen up, fellas.
420
00:17:40,708 --> 00:17:42,571
Joe, wait, put your gun down.
421
00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:44,898
There's no point
in fighting anymore.
422
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:46,545
We'Il leave quietly.
423
00:17:46,745 --> 00:17:48,057
Like hell you will.
424
00:17:48,257 --> 00:17:49,370
This is our Clam,
425
00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:52,447
and we are not
gonna let them take it.
426
00:17:52,647 --> 00:17:55,075
Yay! All right!
All right! Yeah!
427
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,878
We love Joe!
428
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,706
Swanson, what the hell's
going on in here?
429
00:18:00,906 --> 00:18:01,757
I'm sorry, Chief.
430
00:18:01,957 --> 00:18:04,585
I just can't let them
bulldoze this building.
431
00:18:04,785 --> 00:18:06,086
Hey, Joe, is this
the same chief
432
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,692
whose wife is a real hog?
433
00:18:07,892 --> 00:18:09,098
Swanson, don't be a fool.
434
00:18:09,298 --> 00:18:11,717
You really want to throw away
your career on this?
435
00:18:11,917 --> 00:18:13,268
Guys, your bar is gone.
436
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:14,895
And since
it's bank property,
437
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:18,223
I have no choice but to place
you all under arrest.
438
00:18:18,423 --> 00:18:20,809
It ain't
bank property no more.
439
00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:25,172
Jerome?!
What are you doing here?
440
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:26,890
Listen, it's kind of
all my fault
441
00:18:27,090 --> 00:18:28,979
this happened
in the first place.
442
00:18:29,179 --> 00:18:30,869
I'm responsible
for Horace's death.
443
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,238
Plus, as a former athlete,
it's my responsibility
444
00:18:33,438 --> 00:18:36,825
to invest my earnings
in a restaurant, bar,
445
00:18:37,025 --> 00:18:37,876
or car dealership.
446
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:39,244
What sport did you play?
447
00:18:39,444 --> 00:18:40,045
Lacrosse.
448
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:42,047
Which is also
my brother's name.
449
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:44,458
Look, l felt bad
about what l did to Horace.
450
00:18:44,658 --> 00:18:45,926
So, when l heard on the news
451
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,553
that they were tearing down
his bar,
452
00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:51,131
I saw buying it as a way
to carry on Horace's legacy.
453
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:53,183
So l own the Clam now.
454
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:55,310
Chief, you can call
off your cops.
455
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:58,388
And you can send those
bulldozers home.
456
00:18:58,588 --> 00:18:59,773
Yay, the Clam is saved!
457
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,942
Yeah! All right.
458
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,268
We pulled it off, guys.
459
00:19:03,468 --> 00:19:04,445
Oh, thank God.
460
00:19:04,645 --> 00:19:06,521
And all because
I believed in myself
461
00:19:06,721 --> 00:19:08,586
like Pop-Poalways said.
462
00:19:08,786 --> 00:19:10,651
Please give me rat poison,
463
00:19:10,851 --> 00:19:13,153
I want only to die.
464
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,656
No, we did it, Pop-Pop.
465
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,227
Meg, the family is here
466
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,587
for Mr. Dougan's wake,
467
00:19:21,787 --> 00:19:24,039
so could you please
bring in the body?
468
00:19:24,239 --> 00:19:26,291
Meg, l'm not doing this.
469
00:19:26,491 --> 00:19:27,301
You have to, Chris.
470
00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:29,628
Siblings have to look
out for each other.
471
00:19:29,828 --> 00:19:30,846
Like the Mannings.
472
00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:33,448
Eli, you threw
for three touchdowns today,
473
00:19:33,648 --> 00:19:35,851
which isn't bad,
except Peyton had four.
474
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:38,804
Well, Cooper got pre-approved
for a Visa card today.
475
00:19:39,004 --> 00:19:41,431
Come on, guys,
we all had a good day.
476
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,237
Stoit.
477
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:48,713
I have an itch.
478
00:19:48,913 --> 00:19:49,990
I don't care.
479
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,942
Dead people don't
scratch their balls.
480
00:19:52,142 --> 00:19:52,993
Well, l can't helit.
481
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:54,820
It's these damn wool pants.
482
00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:55,871
I'm going bananas.
483
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,323
If l can't scratch them,
you have to.
484
00:19:58,523 --> 00:20:00,200
Shh!
485
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:05,205
Just, uh, straightening out
his pants a little.
486
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,541
Oh, yeah...
yeah, that's good.
487
00:20:07,741 --> 00:20:09,543
Scratch it. Scratch it.
488
00:20:09,743 --> 00:20:11,261
Oh, thank you.
489
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,972
Hello, l'm Helen Dougan.
490
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:16,216
My husband had filled out
an organ donor card
491
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,351
before he passed away,
492
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:21,221
and a woman just lost
her face in a freak accident.
493
00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:28,854
Meg, though you cannot tell,
lam frowning.
494
00:20:31,982 --> 00:20:33,821
Wow, Jerome, the
place looks great.
495
00:20:34,021 --> 00:20:35,591
Yeah, look at you,
owning a bar.
496
00:20:35,791 --> 00:20:37,162
You guys are doing
pretty good.
497
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:39,364
First you get to run
Somalia, now this.
498
00:20:39,564 --> 00:20:40,290
Well, it sure is good
499
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:41,750
to be back in the old Clam.
500
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,369
Hey, there's some guys
sitting in our booth.
501
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:47,923
Maybe we should tell them
it's our booth.
502
00:20:48,123 --> 00:20:51,176
Uh-huh. Or we could just sit on the
floor, next to these garbage cans.36370
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