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1
00:00:06,466 --> 00:00:08,343
It was awfully nice of our
new neighbors
2
00:00:08,384 --> 00:00:10,011
to invite us
over for dinner.
3
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:10,687
I don't know, Lois.
4
00:00:10,887 --> 00:00:11,813
Going to
Cleveland's house
5
00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:14,061
with someone else
living there just seems weird.
6
00:00:14,261 --> 00:00:16,309
Like when a new Pope
moves into the Vatican.
7
00:00:16,392 --> 00:00:18,311
Hi, l don't know
who to complain to about this,
8
00:00:18,511 --> 00:00:21,314
but l'm still getting
XVlll's mail.
9
00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:22,449
Yeah, no.
10
00:00:22,649 --> 00:00:25,026
No, he's not here anymore,
this is XXIV.
11
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,619
Yeah, no, l don't need
Newsweek.
12
00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:28,997
No, l don't need
National Geographic.
13
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:32,659
Oh yeah, no, yeah, we'Il-we'Il
hang on to Boys' Life.
14
00:00:33,660 --> 00:00:35,537
Hello, neighbors.
15
00:00:35,578 --> 00:00:36,667
Joe, you can walk.
16
00:00:36,867 --> 00:00:37,853
How do you do?
17
00:00:38,053 --> 00:00:39,030
I'm Stan Smith.
18
00:00:39,230 --> 00:00:40,208
Please, come in.
19
00:00:42,335 --> 00:00:44,963
Oh, l'm so glad
everyone could make it.
20
00:00:45,163 --> 00:00:46,348
Stan, l need $50.
21
00:00:46,548 --> 00:00:49,884
They're selling a biopsy of
Celine Dion's uterus on eBay.
22
00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:51,782
What the hell
kind of dog is that?
23
00:00:51,982 --> 00:00:53,680
I was going to
ask the same thing.
24
00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,482
Oh, uh, that's
our alien, Roger.
25
00:00:55,682 --> 00:00:57,688
He lives in our attic,
but nobody can know.
26
00:00:57,888 --> 00:00:59,894
And don't tell
anybody about our attic.
27
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:01,696
Hello?
28
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:02,697
Oh, hey, Quagmire.
29
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:04,115
Hey, you're not gonna
believe this.
30
00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:06,568
I'm over here with Joe,
and he's got a space alien.
31
00:01:13,408 --> 00:01:14,209
Peter, wake up.
32
00:01:14,409 --> 00:01:15,910
You're having
a nightmare.
33
00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:17,912
Oh, Lois.
34
00:01:17,954 --> 00:01:19,581
Thank God,
it was just a dream.
35
00:01:19,781 --> 00:01:20,507
Hey.
36
00:01:20,707 --> 00:01:22,959
Lois, what's that
fat man doing in our bed?
37
00:01:23,159 --> 00:01:26,012
Ugh, damn it,
I always wake up
38
00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:29,215
before l find out if they can
understand the baby.
39
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,629
Thanks for helping me set
up this jungle gym, guys.
40
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:09,885
Lois says Stewie's been
getting a little chunky.
41
00:02:10,085 --> 00:02:12,300
Ugh, everybody's
always commenting on my weight.
42
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,761
This is why
I almost died from anorexia.
43
00:02:17,430 --> 00:02:18,685
You...
44
00:02:18,885 --> 00:02:20,059
look...
45
00:02:20,259 --> 00:02:21,234
fat.
46
00:02:21,434 --> 00:02:23,645
All right, l got the
monkey bars all put together.
47
00:02:23,845 --> 00:02:24,737
Aw, God,
look at that,
48
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,564
they already got
Al Qaedas all over them.
49
00:02:26,764 --> 00:02:27,815
Get, get
out of here.
50
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:28,616
Scat!
51
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,368
Man, they're gonna be so good
52
00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,370
at swinging bar-to-bar,
when they invade.
53
00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:35,531
Wow, Quagmire, how did you
build that part so fast?
54
00:02:35,731 --> 00:02:36,458
It was easy.
55
00:02:36,658 --> 00:02:37,704
I just followed
the instructions.
56
00:02:37,904 --> 00:02:38,951
I couldn't find
the English ones.
57
00:02:39,035 --> 00:02:40,686
These are in Latin
and those stuffy
58
00:02:40,886 --> 00:02:42,538
Ivy League professors
won't help me.
59
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,792
Nullum gratuitum
prandium, eh, Peter?
60
00:02:45,992 --> 00:02:46,843
Oh, yeah?
61
00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:48,836
Why don't you catch
a football, you nerds?
62
00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:50,763
Nerds.
63
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:51,906
No, l just read the back,
64
00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:53,049
where it's printed in French.
65
00:02:53,249 --> 00:02:54,267
You speak French?
66
00:02:54,467 --> 00:02:55,843
Sure, they love me
in France.
67
00:02:57,679 --> 00:03:00,023
Oh, Quagmire! Shh. Quagmire!
68
00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:01,974
Silence!
C 'est Quagmire.
69
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,693
Quagmire.
Aw, Quagmire.
70
00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:14,487
Oh, Quagmire, don't
fall near ze mouse trap.
71
00:03:14,687 --> 00:03:16,176
Yeah, and French also
comes in handy
72
00:03:16,376 --> 00:03:17,865
when l have layovers
in Montreal.
73
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:18,791
That place is the best.
74
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,668
I always wanted to go
to Canada,
75
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,687
but then South Park went,
so we couldn't go.
76
00:03:22,887 --> 00:03:24,706
Oh, man, you guys should
come with me sometime.
77
00:03:24,747 --> 00:03:26,499
Montreal has the best
strip clubs in the world.
78
00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:27,500
They do?
79
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:28,676
Yeah, they're unbelievable.
80
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,712
The girls
up in Canada are gorgeous.
81
00:03:30,912 --> 00:03:31,804
And they
all play ice hockey,
82
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:33,506
so they lose
their teeth by age ten.
83
00:03:33,706 --> 00:03:34,557
Wow.
84
00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:36,509
In fact,
I'd even go so far as to say
85
00:03:36,709 --> 00:03:37,685
that a Canadian strip club
86
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,096
is the most magical place
in the world.
87
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:45,042
Nip nip here, nip nip there
88
00:03:45,242 --> 00:03:47,019
And a bevy of porno stars
89
00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:49,397
There's jugs and mugs of
Molson beer
90
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,461
In Canadian nudie bars
91
00:03:51,661 --> 00:03:53,326
Dirty ho's put on shows
92
00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:55,236
And a lot
of 'em don't have scars
93
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:57,405
They'Il even take it
up the nose
94
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,706
In Canadian nudie bars
95
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,742
You can touch
and squeeze 'em
96
00:04:00,942 --> 00:04:03,044
They don't even care
97
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:05,371
Would they even dye
their pubes
98
00:04:05,571 --> 00:04:06,080
To match my hair?
99
00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:06,798
Uh-huh
100
00:04:06,998 --> 00:04:08,174
Color me there
101
00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,551
Like me, say "Oui-Oui"
102
00:04:09,751 --> 00:04:11,753
And tell them you're a friend
of Bill Maher's
103
00:04:11,953 --> 00:04:13,880
That's how you'Il get
to watch them pee
104
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:15,715
In Canadian nudie bars
105
00:04:15,915 --> 00:04:16,766
Ha, ha, ha
106
00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:18,092
Ho, ho, ho
107
00:04:18,134 --> 00:04:18,968
Ha, ha, ha, ha
108
00:04:19,168 --> 00:04:20,061
Ha
109
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:21,763
A guy can get
his hockey pucked
110
00:04:21,963 --> 00:04:24,328
In Canadian nudie bars.
111
00:04:24,528 --> 00:04:26,893
That sounds incredible!
112
00:04:27,093 --> 00:04:27,694
We got to go.
113
00:04:27,894 --> 00:04:28,895
Yeah, will you
take us, Quagmire?
114
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:29,896
Please?
115
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:30,822
All right,
let's do it!
116
00:04:31,022 --> 00:04:32,023
But l don't want to
get any crap
117
00:04:32,223 --> 00:04:33,003
from your wives about me
118
00:04:33,203 --> 00:04:34,118
taking you to a strip joint.
119
00:04:34,318 --> 00:04:35,260
So you guys are gonna have to
120
00:04:35,460 --> 00:04:36,519
lie about where we're going.
121
00:04:36,719 --> 00:04:37,779
Okay, sure.
Yeah, no problem.
122
00:04:37,979 --> 00:04:39,030
I'm a great liar.
123
00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:42,871
Okay, we're
good this way.
124
00:04:43,071 --> 00:04:44,535
Is it clear
in your direction?
125
00:04:46,788 --> 00:04:48,164
Yep.
126
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:53,595
We now return to
Stabbed in the Butt,
127
00:04:53,795 --> 00:04:55,797
the only game show where if
you get the answer wrong,
128
00:04:55,997 --> 00:04:57,131
you get
stabbed in the butt.
129
00:04:57,173 --> 00:04:59,575
All right, Bradley,
here's your question.
130
00:04:59,775 --> 00:05:02,178
What is the
atomic weight of nitrogen?
131
00:05:03,805 --> 00:05:04,731
Get him, guys!
132
00:05:04,931 --> 00:05:06,249
Stab him
in the butt!
133
00:05:06,449 --> 00:05:07,767
Okay,
bye, you guys.
134
00:05:07,967 --> 00:05:08,610
I'm leaving now.
135
00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:11,145
Peter, tell me again
why you're going to Montreal?
136
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:12,614
Hey, do l give you
the third degree
137
00:05:12,814 --> 00:05:15,316
every time you go for one of
those luxurious mammograms?
138
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,118
Dad, why can't we all go?
139
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,532
Because somebody's
got to stay here
140
00:05:18,732 --> 00:05:19,946
and round up all
these rattlesnakes.
141
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:23,074
Bye.
142
00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:28,630
Hey, guys.
143
00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:30,581
Check it out.
What do you think?
144
00:05:30,781 --> 00:05:31,758
Wow, a private plane?
145
00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:33,134
How'd you swing
that, Quagmire?
146
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:35,837
Well, let's just say
I walked in on John Travolta
147
00:05:36,037 --> 00:05:37,138
with not Kelly Preston.
148
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:40,341
Oh, my God,
this plane is awesome, Quagmire.
149
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:41,643
Hey, who's that?
150
00:05:41,843 --> 00:05:43,553
Oh, that's
J. Private Planington.
151
00:05:43,753 --> 00:05:44,646
He invented
private planes.
152
00:05:44,846 --> 00:05:47,348
He was also the world's
foremost squid hunter.
153
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,475
I've got a lot of big
ideas, too,
154
00:05:49,675 --> 00:05:51,602
but everybody's
just so jealous.
155
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,281
Boy, this is nice.
156
00:05:55,481 --> 00:05:57,191
Hey, Joe, l'm gonna
go check out the john.
157
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,012
Oh, my God,
have you seen this?
158
00:06:01,212 --> 00:06:02,664
Look how fancy this thing is.
159
00:06:02,864 --> 00:06:04,866
They even got a special map
that lets you choose
160
00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:06,492
who you wan to dump
your poop on.
161
00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:10,872
Geez, the synagogue
button's almost worn out.
162
00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:16,210
Oh, my God, Joe,
there's a man on the wing.
163
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:18,004
Peter, there's
no man on the wing.
164
00:06:18,204 --> 00:06:18,805
There is! l saw him!
165
00:06:19,005 --> 00:06:20,682
Peter, stop
being ridiculous.
166
00:06:20,882 --> 00:06:21,883
I'm telling you,
lift up the shade.
167
00:06:22,083 --> 00:06:22,884
There's a man on the wing.
168
00:06:23,084 --> 00:06:24,322
Fine.
169
00:06:24,522 --> 00:06:25,561
It's me.
170
00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:26,813
I'm the
man on the wing.
171
00:06:27,013 --> 00:06:28,890
Peter, how the hell
did you get out there?
172
00:06:29,090 --> 00:06:30,016
Are you crazy?!
173
00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,642
Get back
in here, Peter!
174
00:06:32,894 --> 00:06:34,395
What the hell's going on
back there?
175
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:35,396
We're losing altitude.
176
00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:39,325
Hang on, you guys;
I don't know
177
00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:41,051
if l can pull out
of this- giggity!
178
00:06:41,251 --> 00:06:42,778
Wow, from up here,
everything looks
179
00:06:42,978 --> 00:06:44,655
so huge and coming faster.
180
00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,796
Uh, what happened?
181
00:07:00,996 --> 00:07:02,172
Did we crash?
182
00:07:02,372 --> 00:07:03,549
Yeah, we crashed.
183
00:07:03,749 --> 00:07:04,600
Wow.
184
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,352
Still, you know,
we saved so much trouble
185
00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:08,554
not flying commercial,
I think we came out ahead.
186
00:07:08,754 --> 00:07:09,564
Sure.
187
00:07:09,764 --> 00:07:10,982
Drive right up to the plane.
Exactly.
188
00:07:11,182 --> 00:07:13,267
If we went to Logan,
that plane wouldn't crash
189
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:14,644
for another hour,
at least.
190
00:07:16,771 --> 00:07:18,272
Oh, they made
pretty good time.
191
00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:25,872
I'm bored.
192
00:07:26,072 --> 00:07:27,911
Peter, you made me crash
the damn plane!
193
00:07:28,111 --> 00:07:29,848
Okay, l know you're a
pilot and everything,
194
00:07:30,048 --> 00:07:31,786
but not everyone
likes to talk about planes
195
00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:33,329
as much as you, Quagmire.
196
00:07:34,330 --> 00:07:36,082
Well, we're out
of cell phone range
197
00:07:36,282 --> 00:07:37,083
and the radio's shot.
198
00:07:37,283 --> 00:07:37,884
This is not good.
199
00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:39,293
No one knows
we're out here,
200
00:07:39,335 --> 00:07:40,636
and we've got
no food or water.
201
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,797
Relax, Quagmire,
there's food all around us.
202
00:07:42,997 --> 00:07:43,890
The trick is just knowing
203
00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:45,925
what's safe to eat
and what's not.
204
00:07:50,930 --> 00:07:51,898
Okay, these are a "maybe."
205
00:07:52,098 --> 00:07:53,733
You guys, l think,
for the time being,
206
00:07:53,933 --> 00:07:56,310
we're gonna have to start
thinking in terms of survival.
207
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:57,853
Yeah, we're just
gonna have to do
208
00:07:58,053 --> 00:07:58,780
what Davy Crockett
would do.
209
00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:01,315
I mean, that guy killed a
bear when he was only three.
210
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:02,984
Honey, don't you
think it's weird
211
00:08:03,184 --> 00:08:04,235
that our
three-year-old son
212
00:08:04,435 --> 00:08:05,444
is murdering animals?
213
00:08:05,644 --> 00:08:06,287
Nonsense.
214
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,702
He's a healthy,
normal young boy.
215
00:08:08,902 --> 00:08:11,117
Ma, Pa, l
killed my pet raccoon.
216
00:08:11,317 --> 00:08:12,752
Why, Davy?
217
00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:14,128
So l could
have this cool hat
218
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:17,039
and 'cause it felt like
heaven when l was doing it.
219
00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:24,096
Well, it's getting dark.
220
00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:25,881
We should
probably start a fire.
221
00:08:26,081 --> 00:08:26,724
Man, how do
we do that?
222
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,325
Hey, do you think
there's directions
223
00:08:28,525 --> 00:08:29,927
about starting
fires in the song
224
00:08:30,127 --> 00:08:31,178
"We Didn't
Start the Fire"?
225
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:31,979
I don't think so.
226
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,514
I better go
through it all.
227
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,182
Stuff, stuff,
stuff and stuff
228
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:36,609
History and stuff and stuff
229
00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:39,520
People, people, someone's
name, history and sports
230
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,113
Big disaster, someone's name
231
00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,190
Stuff and stuff
and stuff and stuff
232
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,441
History, someone's name
233
00:08:44,641 --> 00:08:45,880
Something l don't know
234
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,319
Famous guy, movie star
235
00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:48,946
Don't know who
these people are
236
00:08:49,146 --> 00:08:50,426
Stuff and stuff and history
237
00:08:50,626 --> 00:08:51,875
Yelling really loud at me!
238
00:08:52,075 --> 00:08:53,325
Okay, how's
the fire coming?
239
00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,130
Okay, this should work.
240
00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,832
If it rains, at least
we know we can stay dry.
241
00:09:00,032 --> 00:09:00,633
Yeah.
242
00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:01,843
So, how out number one concern
243
00:09:02,043 --> 00:09:04,336
is that Predators
are watching our body heat.
244
00:09:04,536 --> 00:09:05,546
Peter, that's
just a movie.
245
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,390
That's not real.
246
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:09,091
No, l think we
need to cover ourselves in mud
247
00:09:09,291 --> 00:09:10,217
to avoid being seen.
248
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:11,385
Peter, Joe's right.
249
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:12,353
That's
only a movie.
250
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:13,721
Oh, God,
somebody farted!
251
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:14,647
Ugh, it stinks!
252
00:09:14,847 --> 00:09:16,432
We should not rule out
the Predator
253
00:09:16,632 --> 00:09:17,475
having been the farter.
254
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:21,729
Okay, we still
got nothing to eat,
255
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,293
so it looks
like we're gonna
256
00:09:23,493 --> 00:09:24,700
have to hunt
animals for food.
257
00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:26,342
And since we
have no weapons,
258
00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:27,914
I set up some
traps and snares.
259
00:09:28,114 --> 00:09:29,487
Well, l was about to
take a leak.
260
00:09:29,687 --> 00:09:30,696
Can l go
in that direction?
261
00:09:30,896 --> 00:09:31,372
Yes.
262
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:32,665
No.
263
00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:34,079
Ah, damn it, my legs!
264
00:09:34,279 --> 00:09:35,493
I think they're broken!
265
00:09:35,693 --> 00:09:36,544
Yay, Joe.
266
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,245
Now you have a friend.
267
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,250
Damn it, Peter,
this is all your fault.
268
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:44,886
Listen, l wish
you had a family
269
00:09:45,086 --> 00:09:48,005
to take care of you, too,
but that's a choice you made.
270
00:09:48,205 --> 00:09:49,056
Here you go, guys.
271
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:52,259
First time in a while
I've had wood in my lap.
272
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,637
Are... are we supposed
to laugh at that?
273
00:09:54,837 --> 00:09:55,313
'Cause it's upsetting.
274
00:09:55,513 --> 00:09:57,039
Man, being
out here sucks.
275
00:09:57,239 --> 00:09:58,766
I mean,
I'm not a forest guy.
276
00:09:58,966 --> 00:09:59,692
I-I'm more of a
277
00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:01,644
"take-it-all-in-
at-the-beach" guy.
278
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:05,573
Excuse me, sir.
279
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:06,774
This is
private property.
280
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:07,775
What are you doing?
281
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:09,702
Just taking it all in.
282
00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,279
You're staring
at my daughter's bedroom.
283
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:13,915
She's really
grown into her body.
284
00:10:14,115 --> 00:10:15,791
This is gonna
be a fun summer for her.
285
00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:18,456
You guys, we've been out here
a couple days now,
286
00:10:18,656 --> 00:10:20,727
and l don't think
anyone's coming to get us.
287
00:10:20,927 --> 00:10:22,998
It might be time
for one of us to go for help.
288
00:10:23,198 --> 00:10:24,583
Well, what do
you want us to do?
289
00:10:24,783 --> 00:10:26,168
Peter's the
only one who can walk.
290
00:10:26,368 --> 00:10:27,094
What?!
291
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,546
You want me to
just walk out there,
292
00:10:28,746 --> 00:10:29,734
straight into the woods?
293
00:10:29,934 --> 00:10:30,723
Peter, if you don't,
294
00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:33,801
the only other option
is we sit here and wait to die.
295
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,469
All right, l'Il do it.
296
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:36,887
If l just keep walking,
297
00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:38,096
I gotta hit civilization
298
00:10:38,296 --> 00:10:39,306
at some point, right?
299
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:40,307
Thanks, Peter.
300
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:41,108
Yeah.
301
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,310
And good luck.
302
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:46,192
Uh-oh.
303
00:10:46,392 --> 00:10:47,573
What?
304
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,571
Well, l hate to ask
you this, Quagmire,
305
00:10:49,771 --> 00:10:51,369
but do you know how
to change a diaper?
306
00:10:51,569 --> 00:10:53,154
Yeah, of course l know
how to change a diaper.
307
00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:55,030
I saw
Mr. Mom four times.
308
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,629
That's not how you dry a baby.
309
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:04,957
He has to do it
'cause his wife has the job.
310
00:11:05,157 --> 00:11:06,759
But motherhood's a job.
311
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,961
M-Motherhood's
a job, too, though.
312
00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:11,764
Morning.
313
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,219
What the hell?!
Where'd you come from?!
314
00:11:13,419 --> 00:11:14,675
Yeah, what are...
what are you doing
315
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:16,051
out here in the middle
of nowhere?!
316
00:11:16,251 --> 00:11:17,103
Middle of nowhere?!
317
00:11:17,303 --> 00:11:18,771
No, l live right
over there.
318
00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:20,848
What?! A plane crashes
in your backyard,
319
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,725
and you don't say anything?!
320
00:11:22,925 --> 00:11:23,776
This is Canada, eh?
321
00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:26,478
I thought it might be rude to
intrude on your plane crash.
322
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:27,855
Well, this is
great news!
323
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:28,614
We're saved!
324
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:29,991
Yes, l suppose so.
325
00:11:30,191 --> 00:11:32,159
Listen, why don't we
head back to my place,
326
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:35,237
grab a bite to eat and watch
the big curling match on TV?
327
00:11:35,437 --> 00:11:38,199
Canada is in the world
final against Mexico.
328
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:45,873
NO, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!
329
00:11:53,339 --> 00:11:55,382
Okay, well, we have
to grab our friend Peter.
330
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,384
He just headed out
that way to get help.
331
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:58,811
Oh. That's not good.
332
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:00,396
There's nothing
in that direction
333
00:12:00,596 --> 00:12:02,640
but wilderness for
thousands of kilometers.
334
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:03,891
What?! You're kidding.
335
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,651
Oh, crap. Peter!
336
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,695
Peter, come back! Peter!
337
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:11,032
Peter! Peter!
338
00:12:11,232 --> 00:12:12,858
I think he's gone.
339
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:26,538
I'm afraid he might not
have survived, Mrs. Griffin.
340
00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:28,415
We've been searching
these woods for weeks.
341
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:29,717
We've got to keep looking.
342
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,794
He's got to be out there
somewhere.
343
00:12:31,994 --> 00:12:33,608
Oh, my God,
we're in Canada.
344
00:12:33,808 --> 00:12:36,016
I get to use my
new passport.
345
00:12:36,216 --> 00:12:38,425
I hope my picture
looks okay.
346
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,093
That's Liam Hemsworth.
347
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,762
No, it's not. It's me.
348
00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:43,518
It's just a
really good angle.
349
00:12:43,718 --> 00:12:45,432
God, just look
for Peter. God.
350
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:48,861
I'm sorry, Mrs. Griffin,
351
00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:51,563
there's been no sign
of your husband for two months.
352
00:12:51,647 --> 00:12:53,507
We're gonna have
to suspend our search.
353
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:55,567
But there's got to be
something we can do!
354
00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:57,511
Well, the odds were always
against us.
355
00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,479
Most black men don't
possess the skills
356
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:01,448
to survive out here
in the wilderness.
357
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,075
My husband isn't black.
358
00:13:03,275 --> 00:13:04,251
Oh, boy.
359
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,454
Well, then, we need
to regroup because...
360
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:08,881
we haven't been looking.
361
00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:12,167
Wait! We may have a possible
lead on Peter Griffin!
362
00:13:12,367 --> 00:13:14,261
What?! Oh, my God,
where is he?!
363
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,840
Well, we didn't find him,
but we found this.
364
00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:20,968
And there's some scribbling
on the back
365
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:21,769
that says, "Mrs. G."
366
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,681
We figured "G" has
to stand for "Griffin."
367
00:13:25,881 --> 00:13:27,975
No. That G isn't for "Griffin."
368
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,777
It's for "Garrett."
369
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:32,688
This is Mrs. Garrett
from The Facts Of Life!
370
00:13:32,888 --> 00:13:33,906
And Diff rent Strokes.
371
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:35,757
Why does everyone forget that?
372
00:13:35,957 --> 00:13:37,609
Kids, your father
made this.
373
00:13:37,809 --> 00:13:38,744
That's so weird.
374
00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:41,363
Dad gets lost in the woods,
and he makes a doll?
375
00:13:41,563 --> 00:13:42,498
Eh, it's not that strange.
376
00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:44,742
It's kind of what Tom Hanks did
in Castaway.
377
00:13:49,747 --> 00:13:52,958
I'm sorry, Wilson!
378
00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:01,934
Right here is where
we found the doll.
379
00:14:02,134 --> 00:14:04,845
Okay, everybody fan out
and look for your father.
380
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:06,742
Peter!
Peter!
381
00:14:06,942 --> 00:14:08,640
Dad!
Fat-ass!
382
00:14:13,479 --> 00:14:15,647
Peter?!
383
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,864
Oh, thank God!
We found you!
384
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,783
Are you okay?!
385
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:28,961
What the hell?!
386
00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:32,247
It looks like he's become
some kind of feral beast.
387
00:14:32,447 --> 00:14:33,540
Oh, my God!
388
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:39,171
I can't live by
society's rules, either.
389
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,483
Mom, l still
don't get it.
390
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:53,936
How could Dad turn
into some kind of feral creature
391
00:14:54,136 --> 00:14:55,938
just from two months
in the wilderness?
392
00:14:56,138 --> 00:14:57,105
Yeah,
it's weird.
393
00:14:57,305 --> 00:14:58,073
He doesn't
even talk.
394
00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,692
Well, he was living among
wild animals for two months,
395
00:15:00,892 --> 00:15:03,320
and you know how impressionable
your dad can be.
396
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,908
Hmm.
397
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,911
Peter, this
is your home.
398
00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:14,832
This is the couch
where you sit.
399
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,281
Oh, yes, that's
the television.
400
00:15:22,481 --> 00:15:24,842
Kids, l think he
recognizes the TV.
401
00:15:26,218 --> 00:15:28,520
We're all thinking it,
and he just does it.
402
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,373
You guys, this is gonna
be harder than we thought.
403
00:15:31,573 --> 00:15:34,113
I guess we're all just
gonna have to work together
404
00:15:34,313 --> 00:15:36,854
to reintroduce your father
to civilized society.
405
00:15:37,054 --> 00:15:38,605
Well, that's gonna be
a challenge.
406
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:39,782
But it can't be any harder
407
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,863
than folding
that thousand-mile-long sheet.
408
00:15:42,063 --> 00:15:43,944
All right, l got my corner.
Everybody ready?
409
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,445
Ready. Chris?
410
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:46,947
Ready. Meg?
411
00:15:54,455 --> 00:15:56,298
You know, long ago,
before this happened,
412
00:15:56,498 --> 00:16:00,127
your father did make some videos
in case he ever became feral.
413
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,588
I guess
they're worth a shot.
414
00:16:02,788 --> 00:16:04,765
Hello, feral Peter.
415
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,701
If you're listening to this,
you've probably become feral,
416
00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:10,637
and you're probably thinking of
a nice juicy rabbit right now.
417
00:16:12,473 --> 00:16:14,141
But this isn't
who you really are, Peter.
418
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,851
We got to get you back on track.
419
00:16:16,051 --> 00:16:17,102
Isn't that right, buddy?
420
00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:20,197
Look, it's working!
421
00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:21,573
Okay, good. So, feral Peter,
422
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:24,902
why don't you put in tape number
two and let's get started.
423
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,659
Don't listen to that Peter!
That Peter is a liar!
424
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,661
Run! Be free!
They will enslave you!
425
00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:45,597
All right, now,
I've been trying
426
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,174
to figure out something
we can do together,
427
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,529
and l think
I've found it.
428
00:16:48,729 --> 00:16:49,685
We're gonna sing a song.
429
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:51,637
Now, l'Il start, and
when l point to you,
430
00:16:51,837 --> 00:16:53,514
you'Il sing your part.
Ready?
431
00:16:53,714 --> 00:16:54,773
War!
432
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,893
Yeah! What is
it good for?
433
00:16:58,093 --> 00:16:59,320
Absolutely nothing!
434
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,088
Okay, all right,
good job.
435
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:02,869
Now, let's try
something else.
436
00:17:03,069 --> 00:17:04,650
l wanna get you
home and Ugh
437
00:17:04,850 --> 00:17:06,201
Double up
Ugh, ugh.
438
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,028
Okay, l like where
this is going.
439
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,163
Let's take it
from the top.
440
00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:12,658
I like big butts
and l cannot lie...
441
00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:22,251
Oh, damn it, he's in
the garbage again!
442
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:25,721
Oh, my God!
443
00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:27,881
Come on! Get out
of the trash.
444
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,931
Who threw out my sequin top?
445
00:17:32,131 --> 00:17:34,263
You're 43! Accept it!
446
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:41,440
Hey, Lois.
447
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,696
Oh, hi, Glenn.
448
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:45,774
We just thought we'd come by
and see how Peter was doing.
449
00:17:45,974 --> 00:17:46,775
Yeah, has he gotten
any better?
450
00:17:46,975 --> 00:17:47,868
I'm afraid not.
451
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,703
He's still only
speaking gibberish.
452
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,905
Yeah, and we could live
without the semen throwing,
453
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:52,706
I'Il tell you that.
454
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,583
I don't know
what else to do.
455
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:56,952
We've tried everything
to bring the old Peter back,
456
00:17:57,152 --> 00:17:59,392
but we can't
break through to him.
457
00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:01,832
Lois, l think you've
done all you can.
458
00:18:02,032 --> 00:18:03,509
Hard as it is to admit,
459
00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:06,587
it might be time to let
Peter be where he belongs.
460
00:18:06,787 --> 00:18:07,721
What do you mean, Brian?
461
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,716
We might have to release
Peter back into the wild.
462
00:18:10,916 --> 00:18:12,634
What?! We-we can't do that.
463
00:18:12,834 --> 00:18:14,353
We'Il never
see him again!
464
00:18:14,553 --> 00:18:16,597
Eh, enough time passes,
you'Il forget all about him.
465
00:18:16,797 --> 00:18:18,223
Just like
Inspector Gadget forgot
466
00:18:18,423 --> 00:18:19,975
about that one-night stand.
467
00:18:20,175 --> 00:18:21,727
Suzanne, we have to talk.
468
00:18:21,927 --> 00:18:22,611
Okay.
469
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,905
Someone has made
contact with me.
470
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:28,942
Someone from my past, and,
well, long story short,
471
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,987
go, go, Guatemalan son.
472
00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:41,380
Peter, we all
love you very much,
473
00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:43,957
but we think maybe
this is where you belong
474
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:45,729
and where you'Il be happy.
475
00:18:45,929 --> 00:18:47,302
This is barely
even a forest.
476
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,630
I can see an Arby's
through the trees.
477
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,057
You're free, Peter.
478
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:54,268
Whatever adventures
lie ahead of you,
479
00:18:54,468 --> 00:18:57,971
know that my heart
will always be with you.
480
00:18:58,171 --> 00:19:00,849
Now, go! Go on!
Get out of here!
481
00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:08,574
I always knew, one day,
this would happen.
482
00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:12,277
We will never forget you,
but you're better off here.
483
00:19:12,477 --> 00:19:14,488
Why are we dragging this out?
It's 6:30.
484
00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:16,552
Go ahead, Peter.
Go on!
485
00:19:16,752 --> 00:19:18,617
Be with your own kind!
486
00:19:21,495 --> 00:19:23,288
We're all gonna
miss you, Dad!
487
00:19:23,488 --> 00:19:24,915
More than you know!
488
00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:30,596
What?
My God, I...
489
00:19:30,796 --> 00:19:33,006
I think he's trying
to talk to you.
490
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:35,805
Say something else!
491
00:19:36,005 --> 00:19:37,304
Well, okay, um...
492
00:19:37,504 --> 00:19:38,604
I love you, Dad,
493
00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:41,932
and no matter where you are,
you'Il always be my father.
494
00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:46,645
Shut... up...
495
00:19:46,845 --> 00:19:47,696
M-Meg-
496
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:49,360
I don't believe it!
497
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:50,824
Peter, you talked!
498
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,072
Shut up, Meg.
499
00:19:53,272 --> 00:19:55,551
Shut... up, Meg.
500
00:19:55,751 --> 00:19:57,792
Shut up... Meg.
501
00:19:57,992 --> 00:19:59,833
Shut up, Meg.
502
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,001
Peter!
Dad!
503
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,036
You're back!
MEG Yay.
504
00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:07,883
Jim.
505
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:10,423
Your name is Jim.
506
00:20:10,623 --> 00:20:12,763
Close enough, Peter!
507
00:20:12,963 --> 00:20:14,715
Come on, you guys,
let's go home!
508
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:17,426
Yeah!
509
00:20:19,428 --> 00:20:22,055
Is she...
is she letting him drive?
510
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:27,361
Boy, l sure am happy
to be back.
511
00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:29,855
Yeah, Peter, we thought
we'd lost you for good.
512
00:20:30,055 --> 00:20:31,532
And luckily,
I don't know many words,
513
00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:34,109
so l was able to relearn them
all in a day.
514
00:20:34,309 --> 00:20:35,735
Don't ever leave
us again, Dad.
515
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:37,162
Aw, sorry, Chris,
but this weekend,
516
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:39,665
Quagmire's taking me
to a Canadian strip club.
517
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:43,243
He said he's put together a very
special surprise, just for me.
518
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:45,170
MAN
Mesdames et monsieurs,
519
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,998
all the way from America,
please welcome,
520
00:20:48,198 --> 00:20:49,875
Miss Charlotte Rae!
521
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:53,754
Mrs. Garrett!
Mrs. Garrett!
522
00:20:53,954 --> 00:20:56,214
Girls, girls, girls!36502
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