Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,128 --> 00:00:05,073
It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:08,018
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,218 --> 00:00:12,138
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,222 --> 00:00:15,141
I On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,225 --> 00:00:18,311
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,394 --> 00:00:21,814
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do
7
00:00:21,898 --> 00:00:23,191
All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,492
Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:30,073
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:35,828 --> 00:00:37,330
Hey, Chris, what
do you got there?
11
00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:39,707
I made a birdhouse
at school today.
12
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:40,884
Oh, looks an
awful lot like
13
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,835
the Governor's
Mansion from Benson.
14
00:00:42,919 --> 00:00:44,220
It is.
I'm fond of the series,
15
00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:46,839
and l wanted the local birds
to be aware of that.
16
00:00:46,923 --> 00:00:48,174
Well, l'Il be on the lookout
for great tits.
17
00:00:48,258 --> 00:00:49,351
Peter!
18
00:00:49,551 --> 00:00:51,177
Well, actually, Lois,
that's a species of bird
19
00:00:51,261 --> 00:00:53,388
that's known to frequent
domestic birdhouses.
20
00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:55,181
It's why l've always
wanted a birdhouse.
21
00:00:55,265 --> 00:00:56,391
Hey, Lois,
let's go outside
22
00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:57,833
and see if we can
find some great tits.
23
00:00:58,033 --> 00:00:59,864
'Cause there certainly
ain't any in here!
24
00:01:00,064 --> 00:01:01,896
Remember those two
we saw last night?
25
00:01:01,938 --> 00:01:03,398
One was bigger
than the other.
26
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,066
Yeah, and-and the bigger one
had a hair
27
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:06,242
sticking out
of that pointy thing.
28
00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:08,194
What do you call
that pointy thing, again?
29
00:01:08,278 --> 00:01:09,195
The beak?
Okay.
30
00:01:09,279 --> 00:01:10,372
Come on, Dad!
31
00:01:10,572 --> 00:01:12,907
Maybe we can get the birds
to act out the Benson
32
00:01:12,949 --> 00:01:14,876
where a scheduling snafu
forces the governor to decide
33
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:18,913
between meeting the president
or going to Katie's school play!
34
00:01:18,955 --> 00:01:19,881
Yay!
35
00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,332
Scatterbrained governor.
36
00:01:22,292 --> 00:01:23,710
Welp, there she is.
37
00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:24,919
A birdhouse.
38
00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:26,096
I just hope whoever moves in
39
00:01:26,296 --> 00:01:28,298
doesn't mind the Persian birds
next door.
40
00:01:28,498 --> 00:01:30,216
Eh, tweet, tweet.
41
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:32,093
Check out my expensive fountain.
42
00:01:33,595 --> 00:01:35,221
Dad, look.
43
00:01:37,974 --> 00:01:39,934
You built
a great birdhouse, son.
44
00:01:39,976 --> 00:01:41,311
I'm real proud of you.
45
00:01:41,511 --> 00:01:42,228
Thanks, Dad.
46
00:01:44,606 --> 00:01:45,940
No!
47
00:01:45,982 --> 00:01:47,050
What just happened?!
48
00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:48,118
What was that thing?!
49
00:01:48,318 --> 00:01:50,120
I don't know. Some
kind of super bird.
50
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,280
Or maybe an average bird
who bought a Bowflex.
51
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,699
Well, that super bird
ruined everything!
52
00:01:54,899 --> 00:01:57,118
Indeed, a force to
be reckoned with,
53
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,287
like Secretary of
Energy Steven Chu.
54
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,464
Secretary Chu,
Ways and Means
55
00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,625
has sent over
a preliminary budget.
56
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,380
It looks like
the Department of Energy
57
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:07,295
is looking at
a four-percent budget cut.
58
00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:10,506
Okay, no budget cut.
59
00:02:10,706 --> 00:02:12,675
No budget cut.
60
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,805
Has anyone seen your father?
61
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,056
It's almost 6:00.
62
00:02:19,256 --> 00:02:20,108
lam here.
63
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:23,311
Family, l want you to
meet my falcon, Xerxes.
64
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,937
I'm a falconer now.
65
00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:26,114
And yet for Christmas,
66
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,316
I got a wrapped
scrambled egg.
67
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:30,885
Peter, that falcon
looks pretty dangerous.
68
00:02:31,085 --> 00:02:32,654
Yeah, Peter, get rid
of that thing right now
69
00:02:32,695 --> 00:02:33,655
and eat your dinner.
70
00:02:33,696 --> 00:02:34,656
No!
71
00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:35,657
I am a falconer
72
00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,533
and l will eat
whatever Xerxes brings me.
73
00:02:37,733 --> 00:02:39,202
Feed master.
74
00:02:43,706 --> 00:02:45,083
Peter, what the hell?
75
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:51,214
For Xerxes,
every meal is a pageant.
76
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:53,349
Hey, Peter.
77
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:54,967
Oh, falcon. Cool.
78
00:02:55,051 --> 00:02:55,968
Hi, falcon.
79
00:02:56,052 --> 00:02:57,599
Whoa, whoa, easy
there, fella.
80
00:02:57,799 --> 00:02:59,223
Xerxes.
His name is Xerxes.
81
00:02:59,423 --> 00:03:00,648
Uh, what does
Xerxes eat?
82
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,184
Rodents.
Now if you'Il excuse me...
83
00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:04,152
What the hell?!
84
00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:05,653
Peter, make him stop!
85
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,356
Hey, what do you got
going on down there, Quagmire?
86
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,358
You got a, you got
a rodent situation?
87
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:11,034
Uh, no!
88
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:12,860
Well, Xerxes seems
to think there is.
89
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:13,661
Get him off, Peter!
90
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,363
Admit you got
a rodent in there.
91
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:16,364
Peter!
Admit it!
92
00:03:17,740 --> 00:03:19,200
Aw, you scared him
out the front.
93
00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:20,743
Tony, come back!
94
00:03:27,083 --> 00:03:29,052
Oh, what... what...
95
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:31,054
What do l do?
What do l do?
96
00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:33,715
Well, just hope he's not
standing on your soft spot.
97
00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,007
Well, is that possible?
98
00:03:35,091 --> 00:03:36,217
Because that could
really mess up my...
99
00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,264
Mom, l need
money for lunch.
100
00:03:41,464 --> 00:03:42,190
Oh, God.
101
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:43,191
I'm sorry, Chris.
102
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,601
My purse has been
missing for a day now.
103
00:03:45,801 --> 00:03:47,103
L-I can't find
it anywhere.
104
00:03:47,303 --> 00:03:48,229
Not to worry, Lois.
105
00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:49,197
Xerxes will find it.
106
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,274
Xerxes, find Lois's purse.
107
00:03:55,111 --> 00:03:57,238
This is
your purse now.
108
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,407
Peter, l can't carry
my money in this.
109
00:04:00,366 --> 00:04:02,368
Yeah, her money.
110
00:04:03,369 --> 00:04:05,830
You're gonna love the park,
Xerxes.
111
00:04:09,751 --> 00:04:12,336
I think you know
what l want.
112
00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:15,265
This is awesome.
113
00:04:15,465 --> 00:04:17,258
We should have our own TV show.
114
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,794
So what do you think
about a platonic shower?
115
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:56,798
Are you Peter Griffin?
116
00:04:56,998 --> 00:04:57,986
Yes, sir, l am.
117
00:04:58,186 --> 00:04:58,975
I represent the man
118
00:04:59,175 --> 00:05:01,302
whose sidecar motorcycle
you stole yesterday.
119
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,604
You've piqued my
interest, go on.
120
00:05:02,804 --> 00:05:06,432
Unfortunately for you,
that man is very, very Jewish
121
00:05:06,632 --> 00:05:08,518
and is suing you
for everything you've got.
122
00:05:08,718 --> 00:05:09,936
Including the falcon.
123
00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:11,687
No! Not Xerxes!
124
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,944
Wait till American Airlines'
magazine hears about this!
125
00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:21,447
Hello, American Airlines'
magazine?
126
00:05:21,647 --> 00:05:23,699
Have l got a scoop for you.
127
00:05:24,659 --> 00:05:26,252
"Falcon stolen."
128
00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:28,254
Ew, there's a toenail in this.
129
00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:30,540
Guess l'Il just go back
to coughing.
130
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,175
Now what are we gonna do?
131
00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:42,352
We have no money.
132
00:05:42,552 --> 00:05:44,971
That's okay, Lois,
we got a wonderful family.
133
00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,180
No, we don't.
134
00:05:46,222 --> 00:05:47,849
There's Meg and Dummy
and Big Head.
135
00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:48,975
Damn it, Peter,
136
00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:50,276
I'm probably gonna
have to get a job.
137
00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:52,854
Oh, thank God. Thought l was
gonna have to go back
138
00:05:53,054 --> 00:05:54,489
to being on
Live with Kelly and Peter.
139
00:05:54,689 --> 00:05:57,859
So exhausting having to do
that open-mouth smile
140
00:05:58,059 --> 00:05:59,369
while the guest
does their bit.
141
00:05:59,569 --> 00:06:02,572
We're here with The Good
Wife's Christine Baranski.
142
00:06:02,772 --> 00:06:04,490
So, Christine, you've
actually won an Emmy,
143
00:06:04,690 --> 00:06:05,375
is that right?
144
00:06:05,575 --> 00:06:08,369
Yes, for playing
Maryann on Cybill.
145
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:09,170
Ah.
146
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,205
But my character
on The Good Wife
147
00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:13,499
is such a complete
departure from Maryann.
148
00:06:13,699 --> 00:06:15,051
Ah!
149
00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:17,378
You've also had
quite a stage career.
150
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,380
I believe you
won a Tony Award?
151
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,382
Well, actually,
I've won two.
152
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:22,517
Ah!
153
00:06:22,717 --> 00:06:24,260
And one more question,
darling.
154
00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:25,511
Who are you?
155
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:33,519
Excuse me, would you mind
taking a look at my r�sum�?
156
00:06:33,719 --> 00:06:35,321
I haven't had
an interview in a while,
157
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:38,774
and l want to make sure
it's formatted correctly.
158
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,429
Looks okay.
Good.
159
00:06:43,629 --> 00:06:45,531
It's not too braggy?
160
00:06:45,731 --> 00:06:47,417
Hi, l'm sorry,
161
00:06:47,617 --> 00:06:49,243
I couldn't help
but overhear you.
162
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:51,245
You have an amazing
speaking voice.
163
00:06:51,287 --> 00:06:52,422
My name's Randy.
164
00:06:52,622 --> 00:06:54,415
I can get you steady work
with a voice like that.
165
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:55,216
Really?
166
00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:56,880
Wow, thank you.
167
00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:58,344
This is great.
168
00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:01,422
Now l won't have to become
a Mary Kay saleswoman.
169
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,257
So, what makes
these shampoos
170
00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:04,926
different from the ones
at the supermarket?
171
00:07:05,126 --> 00:07:07,803
These shampoos
have been in my car.
172
00:07:12,308 --> 00:07:13,234
Guess what everybody?
173
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:15,445
Oh, my God!
Tampons and groceries?
174
00:07:15,645 --> 00:07:18,506
No- well, yes-
but also l got discovered today.
175
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:21,567
I could be one of those
famous voice-over artists
176
00:07:21,767 --> 00:07:23,945
you hear on TV or in the movies.
177
00:07:24,145 --> 00:07:25,371
Ugh, her doing voice-over?
178
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:28,950
Maybe she could be one
of those annoying voices
179
00:07:29,150 --> 00:07:31,377
that goes, "Ah, ah, ah,
not that product."
180
00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:33,667
Which of these
leading brands of conned soup
181
00:07:33,867 --> 00:07:35,957
hos less than
o hundred grams of sodium?
182
00:07:36,157 --> 00:07:37,708
Ah, oh, uh. Keep going.
183
00:07:37,908 --> 00:07:39,260
Not that one.
184
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:40,261
Ah, oh, oh.
185
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:41,675
Not that one either.
186
00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:43,089
Ah, oh, oh.
187
00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:44,265
Nope, not that one.
188
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:45,929
Look, this isn't even for me.
189
00:07:46,129 --> 00:07:47,393
It's for my homosexual lover.
190
00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:50,721
The Bible's pretty clear
about that.
191
00:07:53,683 --> 00:07:55,401
Hi, l'm Lois Griffin.
192
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,403
I have an appointment
to see Randy.
193
00:07:57,603 --> 00:08:00,606
Lois, l'm so glad
you decided to try this.
194
00:08:00,806 --> 00:08:02,483
I can't believe
I'm a celebrity now.
195
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:03,984
I might hit
someone with my car
196
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,486
on the way home
just for kicks.
197
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,788
Well, l have a feeling
198
00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:09,699
you're gonna be
a big star here.
199
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,119
What am l wearing?
200
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:15,496
Nothing at all, sweetheart.
201
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:16,964
Wait a minute.
202
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,291
This is a phone sex operation.
203
00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:20,343
I can't do this.
204
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:22,503
It pays two grand
a week, sweetie.
205
00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:23,471
Oh, my God.
206
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:24,597
With that
type of money,
207
00:08:24,797 --> 00:08:27,550
I could buy pots and
pans at Williams-Sonoma.
208
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:29,176
This is a
very nice set.
209
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,053
You must be a
phone whore.
210
00:08:31,253 --> 00:08:32,930
You bet your
sweet ass l am.
211
00:08:41,814 --> 00:08:43,566
All right, Lois,
you know the drill.
212
00:08:43,766 --> 00:08:44,826
And whatever you do,
213
00:08:45,026 --> 00:08:47,028
do not mention computers
or the Internet.
214
00:08:47,228 --> 00:08:49,405
They cannot
know about it.
215
00:08:50,573 --> 00:08:51,782
Oh, dear.
216
00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,502
Hello?
217
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,579
Uh, h-hi there...
218
00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:58,631
...sexy.
219
00:08:58,831 --> 00:09:00,508
I can tell you're
good at this.
220
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:03,335
Listen, l want to double-team
you on the phone with my son.
221
00:09:03,419 --> 00:09:04,512
Oh.
222
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,338
Yeah, the family's
kind of falling apart.
223
00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:08,516
And l'm just, uh...
224
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:11,052
just a dad trying to
keep it all together.
225
00:09:11,252 --> 00:09:11,727
I see.
226
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:13,721
Are you into guys
in wheelchairs?
227
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:14,647
Not really.
228
00:09:14,847 --> 00:09:15,857
Oh, that's too bad,
229
00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:19,185
'cause, uh, my son's
in a wheelchair.
230
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:24,657
Hey, Lois.
231
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:26,358
So, how was your first day
of voice-over?
232
00:09:26,442 --> 00:09:27,535
Eh, it was nothing.
233
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:28,744
Turns out,
I'm just doing
234
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:30,909
very obscure
European commercials.
235
00:09:31,109 --> 00:09:33,074
You know,
I have got to get myself
236
00:09:33,274 --> 00:09:34,366
back out there, too.
237
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:36,744
I haven't performed
since l was in Stewman Group.
238
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,876
I don't get it.
What is this?
239
00:09:44,076 --> 00:09:45,503
We don't know either.
240
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,884
Hi m name's...
, V
241
00:09:52,084 --> 00:09:53,060
Classy.
242
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,262
What can l do for you,
hot stuff?
243
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,689
Ooh, hi, Classy.
244
00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:59,266
Listen, do you have
a wallet or a purse?
245
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:00,893
Uh, l have a purse.
246
00:10:01,093 --> 00:10:01,602
Oh.
247
00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:02,445
Oh, baby.
248
00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:04,605
I want you to
take the money out
249
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:06,649
and count it
really slowly.
250
00:10:06,849 --> 00:10:07,650
Okay.
251
00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:08,451
One.
252
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:10,402
Ooh, that's nice.
253
00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:11,454
Two.
254
00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:13,456
Oh. Oh, my.
255
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:15,908
I'm sorry, the next bill
I have in here is a ten.
256
00:10:16,108 --> 00:10:16,709
Oh!
257
00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:17,793
Oh, l love you!
258
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:19,286
All that and
everything.
259
00:10:21,122 --> 00:10:22,590
Hi, l'm Classy.
260
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,625
All right, let's get
this going, sweet cheeks.
261
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:25,626
You got a
handkerchief?
262
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,094
Uh, yeah.
263
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,630
Good, ball that up and
stick it in your mouth.
264
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:30,473
Okay.
265
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,133
Now, what else
you got there?
266
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:33,634
You got a stapler?
267
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:34,936
Uh-huh, uh, yeah.
268
00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:36,103
Okay, why don't
you go ahead
269
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,180
and stick that in
your mouth, too.
270
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,308
How about a
mouse pad?
271
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:41,943
Uh-huh.
272
00:10:42,143 --> 00:10:43,811
Yeah, go ahead
and roll that up
273
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,821
and stuff it
in there.
274
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,568
Did you get a
packet from HR
275
00:10:47,768 --> 00:10:49,316
when you started
working there?
276
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:51,953
Okay, l'Il take
that as a yes.
277
00:10:52,153 --> 00:10:55,322
And l'm pretty certain you know
what l want you to do with it.
278
00:10:57,158 --> 00:10:59,827
Okay, you think you can fit
anything else in your mouth?
279
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,662
Mm-mm. All right,
so now let's start
280
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:03,205
filling up some
other places.
281
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:14,642
Peter, l've had
a long day at work,
282
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:17,845
and right now, sex is the last
thing l want to think about.
283
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,356
You never want
to do it no more.
284
00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:23,976
What if l told you l'm
holding in a very big dump?
285
00:11:24,176 --> 00:11:26,654
Peter, can't you just
use Sock Lois tonight?
286
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:30,608
No! Sock Lois doesn't feel
authentic to me anymore.
287
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:37,990
Hey, Joe, how often
do you have sex with Bonnie?
288
00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:40,201
Well, my HMO only
pays for the equipment
289
00:11:40,401 --> 00:11:41,493
once a year. Why?
290
00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:43,704
Lois barely wants
to do it no more.
291
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:45,372
I'm going crazy here.
292
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:46,498
Ugh. l hear you.
293
00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,209
Hey, Quagmire, do
yourself a favor:
294
00:11:48,409 --> 00:11:49,543
don't get married.
295
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:50,878
I wasn't gonna.
296
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,066
Good. Don't.
297
00:11:52,266 --> 00:11:53,055
I wasn't.
298
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:54,682
Perfect. Don't.
299
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,509
Joe, you telling me not to
has no effect on me whatsoever.
300
00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:58,886
I'm not gonna get married.
301
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:00,721
Great. Don't.
302
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:02,890
I mean it, you guys,
this no-sex thing doesn't work.
303
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:03,899
I need some kind
of outlet.
304
00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:06,727
You know, Peter,
I got just the thing for you.
305
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,520
There's this new phone sex
chick l been calling,
306
00:12:08,604 --> 00:12:09,697
and she is amazing.
307
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:12,733
Gee, l don't know.
Isn't that cheating on Lois?
308
00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:13,826
No, look, it's
over the phone.
309
00:12:14,026 --> 00:12:16,237
It's like they say:
"Phonin' ain't bonin'."
310
00:12:16,437 --> 00:12:18,405
Yeah. Well, l guess
I could try it.
311
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:19,531
Trust me, Peter.
312
00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:21,287
Hey, l was right
about telling you
313
00:12:21,487 --> 00:12:23,160
to go see the gynecologist,
wasn't l?
314
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,855
I'd like to see some
vaginas, please.
315
00:12:27,055 --> 00:12:29,166
That's what we're here for.
Come on in.
316
00:12:42,263 --> 00:12:44,139
Hello there, handsome.
317
00:12:44,339 --> 00:12:45,557
I'm Classy.
318
00:12:45,641 --> 00:12:49,436
Um, hi, Classy,
I'm, uh, Peter.
319
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:50,237
Peter...
320
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,238
Night Shyamalan.
321
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,565
They call me that
'cause l got a big twist
322
00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:54,946
at the end
of my thing.
323
00:12:55,146 --> 00:12:56,443
Oh, my God.
324
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,596
Um... well,
hello, Peter.
325
00:12:59,796 --> 00:13:01,749
What can l do for you?
326
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,576
Um, you want to see some
pictures that l drew?
327
00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:06,128
Um, sure.
328
00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:08,042
This is me
on a elephant.
329
00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:09,757
Wow.
That's beautiful.
330
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:12,334
Did you draw that
all by yourself?
331
00:13:12,534 --> 00:13:13,135
Uh-huh.
332
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,799
And this is me
on the moon.
333
00:13:14,999 --> 00:13:16,263
I didn't really
go there.
334
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:17,840
It was just in
my imagination,
335
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:18,766
so l drawed it.
336
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:21,102
Wow, you're
really talented.
337
00:13:21,302 --> 00:13:23,971
You know, there's something
about you, Classy.
338
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:25,639
Something special.
339
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,119
Aw, that's very sweet.
340
00:13:27,319 --> 00:13:28,600
I like your voice.
341
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:30,978
It makes me want to
hear more of your voice.
342
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,313
Hey, you want to
see a funny comic?
343
00:13:32,513 --> 00:13:33,856
Sure.
344
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:48,871
He's scared 'cause his friends
got killed in the pie.
345
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:57,004
So, Peter,
how was your day?
346
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,139
Eh, it was okay.
347
00:13:58,339 --> 00:14:00,007
Except for that
Yokohama beef bowl
348
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,175
I tried for lunch.
349
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:02,343
Not sitting so well.
350
00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:03,811
Just "okay"?
351
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,100
Didn't try
anything new today?
352
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,390
Talk to anyone
interesting?
353
00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:09,150
No, not really.
354
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:11,085
Oh, that beef bowl
is wrecking me.
355
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,020
My stomach feels
like that time
356
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,646
I had explosive
diarrhea.
357
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,902
PETER".
Brown house.
358
00:14:24,156 --> 00:14:24,957
Hello?
359
00:14:25,157 --> 00:14:26,496
Um, hi, Classy.
360
00:14:26,696 --> 00:14:27,828
It's Peter.
361
00:14:28,028 --> 00:14:28,961
Oh, hi there.
362
00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:30,838
I love
when you talk.
363
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,127
Listen, um, l've had
such a good time
364
00:14:33,327 --> 00:14:35,217
talking to you
these past few times
365
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,878
that l was thinking
maybe we could meet.
366
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,133
But you're married!
367
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:40,347
You've got a wife!
368
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,674
Yeah, but she's been giving
me the cold shoulder lately.
369
00:14:42,874 --> 00:14:44,030
Besides, anything
that comes out,
370
00:14:44,230 --> 00:14:45,729
I can always
take home to her.
371
00:14:45,929 --> 00:14:47,229
I don't think
this is a good idea.
372
00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:51,058
I mean, cheating on your wife
is a very serious thing.
373
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:53,185
You don't understand,
I have to meet you.
374
00:14:53,385 --> 00:14:54,862
L-I know it
seems sudden,
375
00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,964
but l feel a special
connection with you.
376
00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,066
Look, you name the
place and the time,
377
00:14:59,266 --> 00:14:59,867
and l'Il be there.
378
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,319
You son of a bitch!
379
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,371
Okay.
380
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,639
I'll meet you.
381
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:06,907
Yay, l did it!
382
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,375
Thanks, Fairy God Peter!
383
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,912
Peter, the power was
within you all along.
384
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:14,581
Now if you'Il excuse me, l'm
meeting Fairy God Quagmire
385
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,917
and Fairy God Joe down
at the Fairy God Clam.
386
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:19,461
That sounds like a gay bar.
It is a gay bar.
387
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,594
That's right, fellas,
I'm gonna meet her.
388
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:28,395
Meet who?
389
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:29,930
Yeah, what are you
talking about?
390
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,724
Oh, l-l thought we were starting
in the middle to save time.
391
00:15:32,924 --> 00:15:33,934
The-the phone sex lady,
392
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,936
I'm gonna meet the phone sex
lady in person.
393
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:37,104
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a minute, Peter.
394
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:38,113
I wouldn't do that.
395
00:15:38,313 --> 00:15:40,441
Hang on, Quagmire,
that's a bad idea.
396
00:15:40,641 --> 00:15:41,909
You never want to meet
397
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,510
those phone sex
women in person.
398
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,112
Yeah, l know,
that's what l said.
399
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:46,113
I wouldn't do it.
400
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,122
Good. Don't.
401
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,116
Joe, Joe, you realize
what you're telling me
402
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,034
not to do,
I'm already not doing!
403
00:15:51,234 --> 00:15:52,953
Okay, l know
you should never meet
404
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:53,921
a phone sex operator.
405
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,256
All right?
I'm not an idiot.
406
00:15:55,456 --> 00:15:56,957
I would never meet one
of those people, ever.
407
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:58,550
Good. Don't.
408
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:01,253
Guys, l have to see
if she's as special in person
409
00:16:01,453 --> 00:16:02,429
as she is on the phone.
410
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:03,931
Besides, if l listened
to you guys,
411
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:06,758
I never would've got that job
as a seat filler for fetuses.
412
00:16:06,958 --> 00:16:09,219
Okay, let's take a look
at your baby, shall we?
413
00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:12,564
Hi.
414
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,725
He'Il be right back;
he's in the bathroom.
415
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:19,421
Thanks for
having me, Bonnie.
416
00:16:19,621 --> 00:16:21,273
I just needed
someone to talk to.
417
00:16:21,473 --> 00:16:22,074
Sure, Lois.
418
00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:23,075
What's on your mind?
419
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:24,985
Well, it's kind
of a long story.
420
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:25,786
You see...
421
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:28,655
Eight hours later...
422
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:29,957
Oh, my God!
423
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:31,725
So, as far as
Peter knows,
424
00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:33,294
he's about to
cheat on you?
425
00:16:33,494 --> 00:16:35,662
Lois, you got to
draw the line here.
426
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:36,797
I know.
427
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:39,374
There's a lot of crazy things
I'Il let Peter get away with.
428
00:16:39,574 --> 00:16:40,467
I even held my tongue
429
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,303
when he went through
that anime phase.
430
00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:45,172
Hey, Lois, me make drive
time to super fun Clam
431
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,508
with noble Quagmire
and wheel-monster Joe.
432
00:16:47,708 --> 00:16:49,593
Go, force!
433
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:04,158
Peter, what...
434
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:05,592
Why are you
dressed like that?
435
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:06,827
What did you do
to your hair?
436
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,154
Business trip, Lois.
Going to Chicago City.
437
00:17:09,354 --> 00:17:10,864
Oh... okay.
438
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:11,832
I see.
439
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,208
And in case you're
wondering why
440
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,285
I don't have business
charts, yes, l do.
441
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:19,289
All right, l got to say
good-bye to the kids.
442
00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:21,467
Hey, champ.
443
00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:23,006
I want you to have
this pocket watch.
444
00:17:23,206 --> 00:17:24,567
It still works,
even though it's got
445
00:17:24,767 --> 00:17:26,129
a lot of Civil War
brains all over it.
446
00:17:27,548 --> 00:17:30,384
Meg, l want you to have
this sad-sounding fart.
447
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:35,689
Chris, people are
gonna tell you
448
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:38,183
that you're stupid and
that you're no good.
449
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:40,185
Bye, Otis!
450
00:17:50,571 --> 00:17:52,447
That son of a bitch.
451
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,064
Hello.
452
00:18:01,264 --> 00:18:02,216
You're...
453
00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:03,884
you're beautiful.
454
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,511
So you got to meet me.
455
00:18:05,711 --> 00:18:07,513
Are we gonna do
this or what?
456
00:18:07,713 --> 00:18:10,299
Listen, I... l got to
be honest with you.
457
00:18:10,499 --> 00:18:11,517
I am not, in fact,
458
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:13,227
the President
of Hot Wheels.
459
00:18:13,427 --> 00:18:15,596
And l also lied about
the giant chef's hat.
460
00:18:15,796 --> 00:18:16,972
I do not have one.
461
00:18:17,172 --> 00:18:18,023
Mm-hmm.
462
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:19,600
Well, the small
lies don't matter.
463
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:20,726
Let's go.
464
00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:24,738
Why am l doing this?
465
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,232
You know, l got the greatest
wife in the world.
466
00:18:27,432 --> 00:18:28,909
And we have
one beautiful child.
467
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,612
But did you ever feel like
something was missing?
468
00:18:31,812 --> 00:18:33,322
You know,
something you had once,
469
00:18:33,522 --> 00:18:34,540
but now it's gone?
470
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:37,492
You mean like the loyalty
of someone you trusted?
471
00:18:37,692 --> 00:18:39,869
Yes, l know exactly
what that feels like.
472
00:18:40,069 --> 00:18:42,047
Yeah, l mean, l was
just goofing around
473
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:45,025
when l first called you,
but when l heard your voice,
474
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,003
I-I felt like l found
some part of me that was lost.
475
00:18:48,203 --> 00:18:50,055
Doesn't make any sense,
but it...
476
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:53,133
it felt like some force in
the universe wanted us together.
477
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,936
That's... kind of nice.
478
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,147
I guess l could understand that.
479
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:00,065
Now that you're here
in front of me,
480
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:03,268
I think you're the most
beautiful woman l've ever seen.
481
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:16,239
Eight hours later...
482
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:22,963
Ah, l got to say,
I was fantastic.
483
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:26,667
You think so, you
dirty, rotten cheater?!
484
00:19:26,867 --> 00:19:28,093
Lois!
485
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:30,170
You-you-you-you
is the phone lady,
486
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:30,971
you the phone,
you the phone,
487
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,006
you is the phone lady,
you is the phone lady,
488
00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:34,653
you is the phone lady...
489
00:19:34,853 --> 00:19:36,101
You cheated on me!
Lois!
490
00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:38,011
Why the hell were
you doing phone sex?!
491
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,304
I was providing
for our family.
492
00:19:39,504 --> 00:19:40,481
You were lying.
493
00:19:40,681 --> 00:19:42,583
I'm starting to think
that whole Chicago City
494
00:19:42,783 --> 00:19:44,685
business trip was just
a bunch of baloney!
495
00:19:44,885 --> 00:19:45,861
That's not the point!
496
00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:47,112
Well, if you think
about it,
497
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:50,190
I-I wasn't really cheating
'cause it was with you.
498
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,691
Well, you didn't
know that!
499
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:53,756
Yeah, but you know what?
500
00:19:53,956 --> 00:19:55,621
In some way, l think l did.
501
00:19:55,821 --> 00:19:57,698
You know, when l heard
your voice on that phone,
502
00:19:57,898 --> 00:19:58,832
I-I felt something.
503
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,534
It was like an instinct,
you know?
504
00:20:00,734 --> 00:20:02,127
Both my heart and my wiener
505
00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:04,579
somehow knew
you were my soul mate.
506
00:20:04,779 --> 00:20:06,840
Well...
507
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,543
I suppose you did
fall for me pretty hard.
508
00:20:09,743 --> 00:20:10,511
Don't you see, Lois?
509
00:20:10,711 --> 00:20:13,013
I fell in love with you
all over again.
510
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:16,425
And, look, now we just had the
best sex in years because of it.
511
00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:19,428
I know. It's like our privates
were shaking hands
512
00:20:19,628 --> 00:20:22,431
after a successful business
meeting in a swamp.
513
00:20:22,631 --> 00:20:24,233
To me it... it just proves
514
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:26,351
that we're truly meant
to be together.
515
00:20:26,551 --> 00:20:28,832
Oh, l love you, Peter.
516
00:20:29,032 --> 00:20:31,314
I love you, too, Lois.
517
00:20:34,443 --> 00:20:37,446
By the way, you may have to
become a full-on prostitute,
518
00:20:37,646 --> 00:20:40,323
'cause our phone bill
was $7,000.
519
00:20:43,869 --> 00:20:45,379
Oh, Peter.
520
00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:49,249
I want you to do me so hard
that we have to change churches.
521
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:50,259
Gross!
522
00:20:50,459 --> 00:20:51,677
I want to wreck you so bad,
523
00:20:51,877 --> 00:20:54,755
you'Il look like
an exploded Hot Pocket.
524
00:20:54,955 --> 00:20:58,559
Oh, my God!
525
00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:00,844
Can l interest you guys
in a two-and-a-quarter way?36423
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof