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1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,003
(panting)
2
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:17,583
(clattering)
3
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,422
(indistinct chatter
and laughter)
4
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:27,159
It's...
5
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:29,261
6
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:58,957
(passing gas)
7
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:05,097
Chris, would you like
to read your personal essay?
8
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,932
Okay, Mrs. Donovan.
9
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:11,070
"Following Mrs. Donovan"
by Chris Griffin.
10
00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:13,272
"The first thing that
Mrs. Donovan does
11
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:15,174
"when she gets
home from school
12
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,508
"is put on sweatpants.
13
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,844
"Then she eats a whole
tube of cookie dough,
14
00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,412
"but she must be
allergic to it
15
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,581
"because there are tears
coming out of her eyes
16
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,616
"and she always
throws up right after.
17
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,452
"Then she puts
paper doll clothes
18
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:28,120
on a picture
of a sonogram."
19
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:29,588
Chris, I think
you should stop.
20
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,757
What? I'm doing
the best I can.
21
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,725
I'm not Nathaniel
Hawthorne.
22
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,727
(chuckling)
23
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,429
Nathaniel,
what are you doing?
24
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,965
Just ruining ninth
grade for everyone.
25
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,037
Mr. and Mrs. Griffin,
I called you in today
26
00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:46,472
because your son, Chris,
has been getting
27
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,073
in quite a bit of
trouble lately.
28
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,742
In fact, just yesterday,
he tried to pass
29
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:54,213
this drawing off
as his Advanced Art project.
30
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,215
Oh, my.
I'm very embarrassed.
31
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:57,883
Well, someone should be.
32
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,118
I'm sorry,
Principal Shepherd.
33
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,086
We've tried talking
to Chris.
34
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:02,921
We just don't know
what else to do.
35
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,756
Well, I think we may
have a solution.
36
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,925
We have these cats that
hang around the school,
37
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,227
and we feed them.
38
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,394
Why doesn't
Chris come in,
39
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:11,463
and we can treat him
like one of the cats?
40
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,765
And in a couple of years,
we'll give him a diploma.
41
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,067
That doesn't
sound like
42
00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:16,135
he'll be getting
the best education.
43
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,302
I don't know, Lois.
44
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,872
Some of those cats go on
to get pretty good jobs.
45
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:23,208
(meows)
Yep.
46
00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:28,747
ANNOUNCER (over TV):
We now return to Breaking Bad.
47
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,115
(eerie whirring over TV)
48
00:02:30,117 --> 00:02:32,251
You will recommend
Breaking Bad
49
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,186
to everyone you know.
50
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:37,289
I will recommend Breaking Badto everyone I know.
51
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:40,125
Breaking Bad is the best show
you've ever seen,
52
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,760
except maybe The Wire.
53
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,429
Breaking Badis the best show I've ever seen,
54
00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:46,265
except maybe The Wire.
55
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:47,533
You will never stop talking
56
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,935
about Breaking BadorThe Wire.
57
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:53,872
I will never stop talking
about Breaking Bad or The Wire.
58
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,008
Peter, I'm really
worried about Chris.
59
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,943
What are we going
to do about him?
60
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,444
Let's face it, Lois--
the kid's an idiot.
61
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:00,612
What the hell happened
62
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,314
to all the smart genes
in this family?
63
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,116
I mean, I invent
the razor blade comb,
64
00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:05,517
and my kids
are doing nothing.
65
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,886
I mean, when Chris grows
up, will he even be able
66
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:10,055
to get a job or take
care of himself?
67
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:12,191
And what's he going
to do when we die?
68
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,162
Ooga chaka, ooga ooga,
ooga chaka...
69
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:20,199
I can't stop
this feeling
70
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:24,136
Deep inside
of me...
71
00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:25,704
I feel awful
saying it,
72
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,207
but I'm kind of embarrassed
by him sometimes.
73
00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:30,042
I know, and he's
got boobs, too.
74
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,543
Stupid guy with boobs.
75
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,212
Acting like he
doesn't want us to look.
76
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,646
He wants us to look.
77
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,148
CHRIS:
Stop making fun of me!
78
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,349
(both gasp)
79
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:39,585
I just wanted to listen
to you guys have sex,
80
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:42,187
but you were saying
mean things about me.
81
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,522
Chris!
Oh, my God.
82
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:45,691
No, we weren't
talking about you.
83
00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,192
Yeah, we were talking
about Meg.
84
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:49,361
We call her Chris
so she doesn't know.
85
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:51,263
MEG:
(bleep) you!
Shut up, Chris!
86
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,031
I know that's not true.
87
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,833
(sobbing)
88
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,168
Oh, God.
89
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:57,936
Peter, he heard us
call him stupid.
90
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,271
His own parents.
91
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:00,439
What have we done?
92
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:01,607
Well, you know, Lois,
93
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,041
it's never easy
hearing the truth.
94
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,843
Especially from
a fortune cookie.
95
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:10,182
What does it
say, Peter?
96
00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:11,783
Uh, just something
about perseverance.
97
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,185
What does yours say?
98
00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:15,120
It says I'm
very creative.
99
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:26,365
Oh, by the way, there's a baby
in my preschool with HIV,
100
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,100
and my teacher gave you
something to sign
101
00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,301
to get him kicked out.
102
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,236
Hey, Chris!
103
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,238
There's my big, smart son.
104
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,240
My special guy,
my Chrissy.
105
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:38,477
Sounds like someone got her
vibrator working again.
106
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,911
Oh, look out, everyone.
107
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,314
Double-digit IQ
joining the table.
108
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,116
Hey, smarty,
think fast.
Aah!
109
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:46,251
He knows.
He knows it's hot.
110
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:47,386
'Cause he's smart.
111
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,254
I don't want
to talk to you guys.
112
00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:50,389
You called me
an idiot.
113
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,424
Oh, Chris, you must
have just misheard us.
114
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,992
I was standing
right there.
115
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,294
How is that
possible?
116
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,262
'Cause you're an idiot--
that's how.
Peter!
117
00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:59,965
I'm going
to school!
118
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,333
It's Sunday,
right?
119
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:04,236
Peter, we've completely
destroyed his self-esteem.
120
00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:06,004
We've got to
do something.
121
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,839
You know, Lois, if Chris is
having confidence issues,
122
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,241
they have camps
for kids like him.
123
00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:10,509
What do you mean?
124
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,277
Well, they take kids
who struggle in school
125
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,612
and help them gain
self-confidence
126
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,280
in a nurturing
environment.
127
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,316
Wow. That's actually
a great idea.
128
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,917
We don't got
no money for camp.
129
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,319
We're saving up
to go to Europe.
130
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,487
Peter, we went to Europe.
You didn't like it.
131
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,189
Oh, my God, it's beautiful.
132
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,224
My TV isn't here.
Let's go home.
133
00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:32,331
ANNOUNCER (over TV):
We now return
to Canadian Horror Story.
134
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,333
Hey, hon, we're
out of Molson.
135
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:35,634
Oh, not to worry.
136
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,269
We've got some Labatt's
in the garage.
137
00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:39,204
And could you get one
for the ghost?
138
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,372
Boo, eh?
139
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:43,041
Hey, Chris,
could we talk to you?
140
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,644
If you're going to insult me
again, just go away.
141
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,346
Look, honey, we're sorry,
142
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,281
and we want to do
something special for you.
143
00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:50,315
This is a Hamilton
Beach blender
144
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:51,717
we got on our
wedding day.
145
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,118
It keeps coming
back to us
146
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,319
in a vicious
regifting cycle.
147
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:55,520
No, Peter.
148
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,389
Chris, we were thinking
of sending you to camp.
149
00:05:57,391 --> 00:06:00,225
And we're going to let
you choose which one.
150
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,327
This one's called
Camp Helmet.
151
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,863
This one's called
Camp Sit 'N' Stay.
152
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,865
These camps
don't sound fun at all.
153
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,301
Well, Chris, camp is only
as fun as you make it.
154
00:06:09,303 --> 00:06:11,403
That's how it was
in World War II.
155
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,405
Don't suppose
it would help
156
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,374
to say I have a note
from my doctor.
157
00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,843
(laughs)
Get in there, you.
158
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,311
Hey, this one
looks cool.
159
00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:20,712
Space Camp.
160
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,515
"Spend a week doing
intensive math and science,
161
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,916
learning from
real astronauts."
162
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,251
Space Camp?
163
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:27,719
I'm sorry,
that one must have
164
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,721
accidentally gotten in
with the rest of them.
165
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,224
What are you saying?
That I'm too stupid for it?
166
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,325
Chris, we're over here.
167
00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:34,393
What are you saying?
168
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,161
That I'm too
stupid for it?
169
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,929
No, no,
of course not.
170
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,198
Then this is the camp I choose.
171
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,501
Yay! I get to go
to Space Camp!
172
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,935
Thanks, Mom and Dad.
173
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:46,438
You guys are
the best parents ever!
174
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,774
Would you excuse
me a moment?
175
00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,377
These are mine now.
176
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:53,378
Hey!
177
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,213
Oh, honey, when we
accepted those mugs,
178
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,648
we knew this
could happen.
179
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,524
You know, Chris,
it's not too late
180
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,225
to change your mind
about Space Camp.
181
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,060
Sometimes it can be
tough to fit in
182
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,562
with a new group
of people.
183
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:11,863
Yeah, I sure
had my troubles
184
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,799
when I got involved
with the Boy Scouts.
185
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,300
At no time were
the campers
186
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,436
and Mr. Griffin naked
simultaneously.
187
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:19,571
They merely engaged
in horseplay.
188
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,807
Did Mr. Griffin
sodomize the boys?
189
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,911
Mr. Griffin vehemently
denies all allegations.
190
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,612
Mom, I can handle
Space Camp.
191
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,980
I'm not stupid.
192
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,549
Well, regardless,
on the way back,
193
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,884
we're stopping at that Down
syndrome camp we passed.
194
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,287
Peter, that was
the University of Florida.
195
00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:42,227
Welcome to Space Camp.
196
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,596
Hi. We're here to register
our son, Chris Griffin.
197
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,431
Oh, great to
meet you, Chris.
198
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,133
Hey, this kid means
the world to me.
199
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,701
Keep an eye on him, huh?
200
00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:53,004
Hey, what's that?
I thought all
201
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,072
the space shuttles
were decommissioned.
202
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,007
Well, we always keep one
spacecraft flight-ready
203
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,976
in the event a satellite
needs service,
204
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,277
there's a space
station emergency
205
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:02,013
or an Italian guy needs
to overexaggerate.
206
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,816
I swear to God, Johnny,
I've had it up to...
207
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,825
...here with your BS.
208
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,794
Ooh, he's really
had it this time.
209
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,195
I'm sorry, Louie!
210
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,697
All right, then.
211
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:19,865
Hey, what's that
in there?
212
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,867
That's a sensory
deprivation room
213
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:22,968
that prepares
our astronauts
214
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,836
for the terrifying
emptiness of space.
215
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:25,937
Oh, cool.
216
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,707
Hey, come on, Brian,
try it with me.
217
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,209
(Peter and Brian screaming)
218
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,945
Things got crazy
so fast.
219
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:36,982
Bye, Chris.
Good luck.
220
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,283
Take care, Chris.
221
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,886
Oh, and hey, if you get
sent off on a space mission,
222
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:43,221
um, don't be the black guy,
'cause you'll die.
223
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,823
I know you're going
to have fun
224
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,291
and make lots
of good friends.
225
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:47,559
Yeah, and not
fake friends,
226
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,561
like guys
whose wives are friends.
227
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:50,795
(women giggling)
228
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:52,364
You have to get me
that recipe.
229
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:53,999
Oh, my God,
the cookbook?
230
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,167
It's right in
the kitchen.
231
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,036
Sports?
No.
232
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,971
Movies?
No.
233
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,207
Hiking?
No.
234
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,575
Cars?
No.
235
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:04,743
Porn?
Porn?
236
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,011
Yes!
Yes!
237
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,245
Gay porn?
No.
238
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:12,717
Welcome to Space Camp,
everyone.
239
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,352
Be sure to grab
your physics textbooks.
240
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:15,987
And you may want to brush up
241
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,089
for tomorrow's lecture
on orbital dynamics.
242
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,659
Oh, man. I don't belong here,
and they know it.
243
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,861
People can always sense a fraud.
244
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,696
Gentlemen, it has come
to my attention
245
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,364
that there's
a Chinese among us.
246
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:28,333
Rest assured, he will be found.
247
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,268
Security is launching
a full-scale investigation
248
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,870
into the
genealogy records
249
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,838
of every single one
of our employees.
250
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,073
This man will be found,
251
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,375
and there will be
dire consequences.
252
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:40,579
Too bad about
that Chinese guy, huh?
253
00:09:42,114 --> 00:09:43,782
Campers, we are now in
254
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,450
our state-of-the-art
space shuttle simulator.
255
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:47,419
Hey, you're a girl.
I just figured that out.
256
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,120
By the time you
leave Space Camp,
257
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,255
you will all be familiar
258
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,290
with every device
on board this craft.
259
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:53,858
What's this button do?
260
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,860
Why don't you go
ahead and push it?
261
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:57,596
(rock music plays
over speaker)
262
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,164
That's my band.
263
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,636
Okay, campers, let's see
your astronaut haircuts.
264
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:06,237
Mm-hmm.
265
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:08,039
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
266
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,641
Chris, that's
a Russell Brand haircut.
267
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,242
(British accent):
Oy, I don't know
what happened.
268
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,044
I went to me barber
at the shop,
269
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,613
and I come out,
I'm looking like this.
270
00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:16,481
(laughs) You're talking
different from how I talk.
271
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,950
Here's a bunch of money
to be on TV.
272
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:23,755
If you all saw Apollo 13,you know they had to fix
273
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,157
an air scrubber with just
the tools in the capsule.
274
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:29,094
Griffin, I need you to use
these tools to fix my marriage.
275
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,428
I can't do that.
276
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,064
Well, I can't be
the only one who's trying.
277
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:39,571
(phone rings)
278
00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:41,239
Hello?
279
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:43,608
Oh, my God, Chris.
What's wrong?
280
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,110
Mom, I hate it here.
281
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,444
I want to come home.
282
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:47,746
All the kids are mean,
283
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,514
and I keep messing
everything up.
284
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,950
Even Jinx the Robot
is picking on me.
285
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:55,353
(robotic monotone):
Hey, you've got
something on your shirt.
286
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:04,295
Joke complete.
287
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:05,664
You and dad were right.
288
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,766
I'm not smart enough
to be here.
289
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,834
Can you come get me,
please, Mom?
290
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,170
Okay, honey, of
course we will.
291
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,105
(phone beeps)
Hang on, I got
another call.
292
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,206
Hello?
293
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,142
Lois, I'm at the gym.
294
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,209
I hate it here.
295
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,811
I want to come home.
296
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,146
Everybody's so mean.
297
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,481
And there's this one guy
who follows me around
298
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,849
and calls me fat.
299
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,818
Well, I suppose I...
(phone beeps)
300
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,553
Hang on, honey, I'm
getting another call.
301
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:29,621
Hello?
302
00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:30,822
Hey, is fat ass
home yet?
303
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,557
Put him on,
I want to talk to him.
304
00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:38,196
Thanks for coming
to get me, you guys.
305
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,397
Hey, no problem.
306
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,733
We spent thousands of dollars
to send you here
307
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,902
and made two trips
to Florida in four days.
308
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,637
I'm glad we had you.
309
00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:47,839
Well, I'm sorry, I thought
I could handle it here,
310
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,074
but I was wrong.
311
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,376
That's okay, honey,
everyone makes mistakes.
312
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:54,145
Yeah, remember when the fat man
brought home that cougar chick?
313
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,880
You make yourself
comfortable, Beth.
314
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,148
I'll be right back.
315
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,083
Hi, young man.
316
00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,350
I'm looking for
a good time.
317
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,552
Uh-huh.
318
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:02,153
I'm worldly. I'm fun.
319
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,222
This ain't mileage,
this is experience.
320
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:07,358
Listen, just so there
are no surprises,
321
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,760
don't be scared--
my stuff looks like
322
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,729
someone spilled an
apple pie in my lap.
323
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,530
(groans) Yuck.
324
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,566
Didn't you have any
fun at all, sweetie?
325
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:17,168
Well, I guess I did get to go
on the space shuttle every day.
326
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,503
Really? No way.
327
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:21,206
I always wanted to be an
astronaut like Lance Armstrong.
328
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,241
It's Neil Armstrong.
329
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,443
He lied about his name, too?
330
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,784
Wow, this
is amazing, Chris.
331
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:33,785
Look at this, Lois.
332
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:35,186
a week ago,
we call him stupid,
333
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:37,355
and now he's giving tours
of the space shuttle.
334
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,457
Negative reinforcement--
that's the key.
335
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:40,692
Right, stupid?
336
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:42,727
Ow! I'll
do better.
337
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,896
So, do you know how
all this stuff works?
338
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,698
Well, I don't know what
most of these buttons do,
339
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:49,367
but I know this big red one
is the one you press to launch.
340
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,735
Whoo, big red button!
341
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:51,803
Stewie, no!
342
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,438
(beeping)
343
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,640
(computer whirring)
344
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:57,142
(engines rumbling)
Uh-oh.
345
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,476
Chris, make it stop.
346
00:12:58,478 --> 00:12:59,711
I'm trying.
347
00:13:02,481 --> 00:13:05,917
(engines roaring)
348
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,219
I think...
I think we're launching.
349
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,321
Oh, my God, everyone
strap yourselves in.
350
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,456
Stewie, hold my hand.
351
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,158
No, thank you,
I prefer to die
352
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,259
giving you the finger.
353
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:17,362
If this is what it takes
to get out of Florida, fine.
354
00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:22,567
You know what,
you only live once.
355
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,235
I am sticking my head
out the window.
356
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:27,071
Yes, this is the best version
357
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:29,374
of whatever's so enjoyable
about this.
358
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,414
Mom, I'm scared.
359
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,515
I don't believe it.
360
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:38,783
Are we really
stuck in space?
361
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,852
Oh, God, what if we
have to live up here
362
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:42,520
for the rest
of our lives?
363
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,922
I'm gonna miss
drinking at The Clam.
364
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,323
I'll tell you what I won't miss.
365
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,258
That waiter who thinks
he has to be funny.
366
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,993
Yes, I'd like the
chopped salad, please,
367
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,762
and could I get
no onions on that?
368
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:53,865
Hmm, I've got a few connections
in the back.
369
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,033
I'll see what I can do.
370
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,167
Yeah, that's funny.
371
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,802
If there's one onion
on that salad,
372
00:13:57,804 --> 00:14:00,605
you can forget the $1.80
tip you need to live.
373
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:03,541
I'm sorry, you guys,
this is all my fault.
374
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,844
I never should've brought you
on the space shuttle.
375
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,146
You were right--
I am stupid.
376
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,448
MAN (over radio):
Hello, up there.
Hello?
377
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,851
I know you all must be pretty
terrified right now,
378
00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:14,185
but we're doing everything
in our power
379
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,854
to get you safely back to earth.
380
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:18,056
We're pretty good at this--
we're like six for eight.
381
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,958
Is there anything
we can do?
382
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,160
Well, fortunately
the ship runs on autopilot.
383
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,162
We just need some time to figure
out your coordinates,
384
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,897
and calculate the reentry plan.
385
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,199
So, just try to stay calm
and we'll figure this all out.
386
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,702
By the way,
you're all quite famous now.
387
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,203
You're on every news channel.
388
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,738
Good afternoon,
I'm Brian Williams.
389
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,975
Our top story, an accidental
space shuttle launch
390
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,410
that has sent a Rhode Island
family into orbit.
391
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:41,813
For more on the story,
we go to our local affiliate
392
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:44,182
Channel Five Quahog where
Tom Tucker is on the scene.
393
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,183
Tom?
394
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,417
Thanks, Brian.
395
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,319
I, uh, saw that you opened
my birthday Evite.
396
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,989
Now I just need you
to go ahead and reply.
397
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,891
I'm standing here at the home
of the Griffin family,
398
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,225
chatting with their neighbors.
399
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,827
So, the Griffins
might be dead.
400
00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:57,061
How does that
make you feel?
401
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,964
Griffin dead?
I take.
402
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:03,935
No, no, they
might be dead.
403
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,670
They also might
still be alive.
404
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,705
It's okay, I-I take.
405
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,774
(loud rumbling)
406
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,111
(loud popping)
407
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,717
Peter, what are you doing?
408
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:21,286
I'm going out for
a space walk, Lois.
409
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,887
You know, this
is our one chance
410
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:25,056
to experience the
awe-inspiring wonders
411
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,791
of space firsthand.
412
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,964
Wow, neat.
413
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:35,099
So, this is space.
414
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,975
Damn it.
415
00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:48,246
(girl laughing)
416
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,115
Ha! Stupid drunk bitches.
417
00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:54,552
Hey, Brian, check it out.
418
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,287
Meg's poking
around the cargo hold.
419
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,189
I'm gonna give her
a little scare.
420
00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:00,858
(screams)
421
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:09,968
(sniffs)
422
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,270
Aw, boy, I think
this space food has gone bad.
423
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,972
Peter, that's a
fecal collection bag.
424
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,273
Oh, there's a bag for that?
425
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,008
'Cause mine's over there
twirling in the air
426
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,443
like a slow baton.
427
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:21,446
STEWIE:
Well, someone's got to lead
this marching band. Ew!
428
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:22,747
MAN (over radio):
Griffins come in.
429
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:24,415
Yes! Yes, we're here.
430
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,117
Well, I have some good news.
431
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,786
The autopilot is capable
of taking you home.
432
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:29,854
But guys...
(static crackling)
433
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,456
...to engage, we're gonna...
434
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:32,924
...to take the shuttle out of...
435
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,759
(radio goes silent)
436
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:35,927
Hello?
(static drones)
437
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:37,862
Hello?
Crap, I think we lost him.
438
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,330
Let me fix that.
439
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,100
If radio deejays have taught me
anything about radio,
440
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,201
it's that you got
to do two things.
441
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,503
Turn it up and rip the knob off.
442
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,205
Peter, no!
(crackling)
443
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,140
Damn it, now we've lost
communication entirely.
444
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,375
What are we gonna do?
445
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,876
I don't know,
but we got to try something.
446
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,544
If we don't get this shuttle
out of orbit soon,
447
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,346
we're gonna
run out of oxygen and die.
448
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,547
Is failure an option?
449
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:57,782
No, it's not.
450
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,183
Aw, that was my suggestion.
451
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,119
All right, come on, everyone,
we got to put our heads
452
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,286
together
and try to find a solution.
453
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:04,055
Don't worry-- Griffins
have a long history
454
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,323
of figuring stuff out.
455
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:06,691
Like my great-grandfather
456
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,526
who invented the
first marital aid.
457
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:13,297
This gives me an idea.
458
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:17,735
She's dead.
459
00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:22,140
All right, come on,
if mission control thought
460
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,307
we could help get the shuttle
out of orbit,
461
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:24,575
it can't be that hard.
462
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,044
Okay, okay,
uh, try this.
463
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,412
Hit up, up, down, down,
464
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,747
left, right, left, right,
B, A, start.
465
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,082
Then we'll have
unlimited lives.
466
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:32,850
Come on,
we're running out of time.
467
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,986
Oh, Meg, all your suicide
threats over the years,
468
00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:37,755
and you're just as chicken
(bleep) as the rest of us.
469
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:40,658
Hey, guys, I think I have
an idea that could help us.
470
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,027
In Space Camp, we learned about
countering forward momentum
471
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,829
with retro rockets.
472
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:47,331
If we use them now,
the ship might slow down enough
473
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:50,201
for gravity
to pull us out of orbit.
474
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:53,071
PETER: That's an egg that I
hucked at you for being a nerd.
475
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:57,141
Chris, if you think it'll help,
just try it!
476
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:03,448
Ah, we're slowing down.
That's a good sign.
477
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,450
You know, what's not slowing
down-- Breaking Bad.
478
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:07,685
Haven't seen anything like it
since The Wire.
479
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:09,754
God, he never shuts up
about those shows.
480
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:10,888
Oh, my God!
481
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,690
I think it might be working!
482
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,058
(screaming)
483
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,927
BRIAN:
We're spinning out!
484
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:20,131
MEG:
Oh, my God,
we're gonna die!
485
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:21,966
There's so many things
I didn't do.
486
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,534
I never got to go to college!
487
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:26,204
My book wasn't all
I wanted it to be in spots!
488
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,239
Peter, I wanted to
grow old with you!
489
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,941
Well, you kind of did.
490
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,043
I never got to wear it better!
491
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:38,716
(grunts)
I have to reorient
the retro rockets
492
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,018
to counter the spin rotation!
493
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,222
(grunts)
494
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,406
Chris, what are you doing?
495
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:04,242
(dramatically):
Saving our lives.
496
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,810
Aw, I wish he
hadn't said that.
497
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,512
Now I'm kind of
rooting against him.
498
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:13,017
We're straightening out!
499
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,287
Ah, look! It says
"autopilot engaged."
500
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:18,923
Good for him.
I'm glad he found someone.
501
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,658
Oh, thank God,
we're saved!
502
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:24,295
I can't believe I got to go
to space before Derek Watson.
503
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,530
Who's Derek Watson?
504
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:27,265
Nobody now.
505
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:44,515
They've re-entered
the atmosphere!
506
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,218
(cheering)
507
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,754
I'm not cheering.
I don't even know them.
508
00:19:57,896 --> 00:19:59,864
(tires screech)
509
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:02,967
(cheering)
510
00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:14,412
(cheering,
camera shutter clicking)
511
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,549
Well, thanks to
no gravity in space,
512
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,652
my spine stretched and I am
now a confident six, three,
513
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:24,689
so, Lois, I will be leaving you
for a hotter woman.
514
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:27,425
Never mind, Lois,
I love you so much.
515
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:34,065
Chris, our family is alive
right now because of you.
516
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,099
You saved us.
517
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:36,367
That's right, buddy.
518
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,402
It was your brains
that pulled us through.
519
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,871
We're so sorry
we ever doubted you.
520
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:42,173
Thanks, you guys.
521
00:20:42,175 --> 00:20:43,341
You bet, champ.
522
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,443
Hey, by the way,
who moved our house?37622
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