All language subtitles for The.Kids.Are.Alright.S01E23.Irish.Goodbye.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Dooky_track3_[eng]

Great dinner as usual,
Mom.

Great sucking up as usual,
Frank.

Thank you for inviting me,
Mrs. Cleary.

Oh, "Mrs. Cleary."

After all this time,

I'm surprised
you don't call me Peggy.

Oh, well,
that would actually be -- [ Quietly ] It's a test.

...inappropriate,
Mrs. Cleary.

It is more respectful.

Pat: Is there any more
Hamburger Helper?

[ Grunts ]
I got the last of it.

With just
a quarter pound of hamburger,

it can only help so much.

There's still lots of
that green bean thing

Wendi brought.

What'd you call it
again?

Green beans.
Mm.

I picked them fresh
from our garden.

So, they were
in the ground?

Like dead people?

All vegetables
have been in the ground.

There's usually a can
in between.

It's kind of like
a buffer.

Be nice.

This is obviously something

that for some reason
Wendi thought we would enjoy.

Frank, eat some.

You got it, Mom!

Pass the ketchup.

Eddie got us tickets
for the Laserium show tonight

at the Griffith Observatory.

Laserium?
What's that entail?

You learn
all about lasers.

It's --
It's a very educational program.

I've heard
it's a real hands-on experience.

Kids in the dark,
groping for knowledge.

What kind of lasers?

Solid-state? Chemical?
Metal-vapor?

I'd say chemicals and vapors
are definitely involved.

[ Thud ] [ Chokes ]
Peggy: You should take your dad instead.

Lasers are
right up his alley.

Oh, I don't mind
learning about lasers.

Oh, you don't have to act
interested in something

just for a man.

You're a liberated woman.

You and I can stay in

and work on that poncho
we're crocheting.

"Mannix" is a rerun,
so my schedule's clear.

Great.
Great.

We're missing somebody.
Where's Timmy?

He's in the bathroom
doing his puppet's hair.

Why do I ask "where's Timmy?"
when I always hate the answer?

♪ I feel pretty ♪
Sorry those kids at the party...

♪ Oh, so pretty ♪
...threw cake at you, Knuckles.

♪ That the city should give me ♪
If it makes you feel any better...

♪ Its key ♪
...they were aiming for me.

♪ A committee ♪

♪ Should be organized
to honor me ♪

[ Hair dryer blows ]
♪ La-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la-la ♪

♪ I feel dizzy ♪

[ Electricity sizzles ]

Timmy: Sorry!
Peggy: Oh, for Heaven's sakes.

It's a fuse.
I'll be right back.

And I know exactly
how much food was on my plate.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]
So, we're doing this.

We're moving in together.

A bold step
for the seminarian,

living in sin with
a sophisticated older woman.

I don't think of it
as living in sin.

Well, don't ruin it for me,
bucko.

Are you sure
you're ready for this?

You've never
lived with anyone before.

I've lived
with seven brothers.

It'll be just like that,
you know?

A lot of wrestling
in our underpants.

Maybe you are ready.

I guess
all that's left

is to go inside
and tell your mother.

Whoa, okay.

Hang on.

Yeah, I like everything
about that plan

except by mom meeting you
or knowing you exist.

Our best chance is

keeping my mom in the dark
until I'm all moved in

so she can't foil
our plans.

You make her sound like some
diabolical "Batman" villain.

More like the villain's
judgmental mother

who made him that way.

Look, you're just
gonna have to trust me

on how to handle
Peggy Cleary...

[ Smooches ]

...A.K.A.
"The Meddler."

And what would you do

if I just walked up,
knocked on the door,

and introduced myself?

I'd tell you to say hi
to the Clausons.

That's who lives here.

We live a block over.

I've dropped you off
at this house dozens of times.

I've seen you go inside.

Eh, it was awkward
the first time,

but they're a nice couple.

Oh, they're gonna give us
an end table.

♪♪

An end table?

♪♪

[ Door closes ]
Lawrence: Hello?

[ Electricity sizzles ]

♪♪

Peggy: Oh, look who's decided
to bless us with his presence.

Are those actual green beans
on the table

or some kind of
centerpiece?

Wendi brought them.

They were in the ground.

Like Grandma,

or the chipmunk
I tried to dance with.

Frank: Eat up.

You need energy for all that
loafing around you do.

I'm working on
finding myself.

Check the couch.

That's where
I usually find you.

Not after next week, Dad.

I'm starting classes
at Pasadena State,

and I've decided
to move closer to campus.

Congratulations, man.

Boy-howdy!

I finally have a real bed.

I've been sleeping
under this table

for the past three months,

and it is gross.

It's where people
drop their gristle.

Hey, I've been sleeping
with Pat for three years

and there's also gristle.

I eat in my dreams.

What exactly is the big ta-doo
about Pasadena?

School.

What's the big ta-doo
about school?

Learning stuff,

and eventually
a degree in psychology.

Uh-huh.

Psychology?
Lawrence: Mm-hmm.

That's one way to go.

Pasadena State also has
an excellent program

in airport operations --
Mm.

...terminal
and tarmac maintenance,

baggage handling.

Might make a good minor.

Of course
he's studying psychology

because it's all about
blaming the mother.

Actually,
the latest studies suggest

that peers are more important
in a person's development.

Mothers are actually
inconsequential

in how their kids
turn out.

Uh-oh.

♪♪

Inconsequential?

Mike: Let's focus on
the good news.

Our son is ready
to leave the nest.

More room
for the rest of us

and less pressure
on the Hamburger Helper.

So, I guess
I was inconsequential

during 12 hours of labor
with you,

or 10 1/2 months of pregnancy
with Frank?

Family record.

Was I inconsequential

when Pat
was afraid of the dark

and I put his crib
in the basement?

I was terrified.

I can't imagine a scenario

in which you would be
inconsequential, Mother.

In fact,
your beauty and intelligence

has spoiled me
for all other women.

Take it down a notch,
Norman Bates.

I found Norman's
unwavering devotion refreshing.

♪♪

Lawrence's malarkey

about mothers
having no influence.

Hogwash.

You could literally
wash a hog with it.

Farmers with dirty hogs
could hire Lawrence

to come and say nonsense
like that.

As a job, it makes about
as much sense as psychology.

[ Scoffs ]
[ Chuckles ]

Where you been?

Oh, just down at the crick
catching pollywogs.

Hmm.

The simple joys
of childhood.

Looking for something?

Knuckles.

We have a gig tonight,

and I still need
to press his trousers.

Oh, your puppet.

I have him right...

Huh.

I must've left him
on the plane.

What plane?

The 1:10 out of McCarran.

I came by
a couple of tickets

to see Elvis last night
at the Las Vegas Hilton.

Why would
you take Knuckles?

Because people
with "lap babies"

get early boarding
and their pick of the seats.

Adult Timmy: Back in 1972,

an airplane had roughly
the same amount of security

as a movie theater.

If you got
past the stewardess,

you could probably even
sneak around back

and let your friends in.

But you took him
without asking me!

In my defense,
I was sure you'd say no.

We have a show
in three hours.

I need him!

Do you?

Or is this
one of those defining moments

in a performer's career

where an obstacle
gets thrown in your path

and it forces you
to raise your game?

Like when the great opera singer
Marcel Marceau

got laryngitis
and invented mime?

Mom!!

You went on a jet plane
to Las Vegas?

And I know
what you're going to ask --

yes, Elvis leaves it all
on the stage.

There is a reason
that they call him The King.

He kidnapped Knuckles.

In fairness,

I originally wanted
to take Baby Andy,

but you're
such a good mother,

I figured you'd notice
after a day or so.

I probably would have.

Well, the only question now
is punishment.

Apparently what I do as a mom
is worthless,

so this would mostly be
for fun.

Or I can offer
some rather juicy information

about Lawrence
and his moving plans.

Mom's not interested
in making any -- Stop interrupting.

What do you got?

I'll require full immunity
and my record expunged.

Are we forgetting
what he did to Knuckles?

Who's to say
what happened to Knuckles?

Maybe Knuckles ran off.

Now you do the same.

[ Groans ]

This better be good.

Have a seat.

I'll make us
a couple espressos.

You know how Dad always says

"I have a moving box
with your name on it, mister"?

Not a figure of speech.

He shows me mine
all the time.

He gave us each a set
when we were born.

Well, isn't this
a fine kettle of fish.

Uh-oh.

When she says that,
it's almost never about fish.

Mrs. Cleary,
is something wrong?

Well, only if it's wrong
being a deceitful son

who says he's moving away
to attend college

when he's really
shacking up

with a waitress
I've never even met

from McSorley's Tavern.

See? No fish.

Gee, I wonder who told you about
McSorley's Tavern, Joey!

Sorry. I cut a deal.

I was looking at
serious time.

You might as well take
these "Frank" boxes, too.

I doubt we'll ever
be rid of that one.

Lawrence needs
plenty of boxes

to move in
with his secret girlfriend.

Now there's
a girlfriend.

Mm.
Surely you remember Fiona

from that time
he never introduced us.

No, but I remember
a few minutes ago

before I knew any of this.

[ Chuckles ]
That was a good time.

You haven't met her yet

because I wanted
our relationship

on a more secure footing

before you started
meddling.

I meddle
in my sons' relationships?

Eddie, how was
your Laserium date with Dad?

Pretty fun.

We don't get
a lot of one-on-one time.

I didn't care for the music --
Emerson, Lake, or Palmer.

Look, I don't want you pulling
the same stuff with Fiona

that I've seen you do
to Wendi.

What have I
ever done to Wendi

except make her a poncho
and eat her stupid green beans?

Wendi and I love each other,
right?

Huh?

You want to talk
about meddling?

I haven't said word one
about the bonehead she's dating.

And I very much
appreciate it.

You only befriended Wendi

so you could bully
and dominate her.

Your mom does not --

Sweetie, keep still.

Do not denigrate
our friendship.

You heard Wendi.
She said she loves me.

It is so toxic

the way you're tangled up
in their lives.

Wendi and Eddie and I
disagree.

I think we can speak
for ourselves, Mrs. Cleary.

But we'd be happy to do it
in another room.

Yeah,
I'm gonna take off, too.

My plan was
to move out next week,

but, uh, I'll just go
to Fiona's now.

[ Scoffs ]

Be my guest.

[ Door opens, slams ]

Didn't even take
his boxes.

Why do I save nice things
for these kids

if they don't
appreciate them?

They don't appreciate
anything --

boxes, mothers.

We're all destined
for the ash heap.

I should go fix
his wagon.

No. Stop.
Peg, back off.

Let him go
or you'll drive him away.

It's like when you grab

a big handful
of mashed potatoes --

the tighter you squeeze,

the more the potatoes
slip through your fingers.

If you'd buy me a decent masher,
I would have to do that.

What's your point?

Look,
I'm not crazy about him

shacking up
with this Fiona person,

but he's a grown man.

And thanks to us,

he's walking out of here
on his own two feet,

which is a miracle
considering how many times

he mowed the lawn
in those stupid sandals.

You're right.

Those sandals
were ridiculous.

And you're right about
how I've been an exemplary mom.

We deserve
a little credit.

We saved Lawrence's life
a million times

if you consider
all the times

we wanted to kill him
and didn't.

Well,
I can't disagree with you.

I've been great.

You and I got
one of our little birdies

out of the nest.
Mm.

We need to savor
the accomplishment.

We need to celebrate
letting go.

You know, there's this
Irish-themed restaurant

I've been wanting to try.
[ Chuckles ]

We go to McDonald's
all the time.

But I'm in.

Let me go put
my loose pants on.

No, this is a tavern
I heard about.

Um, McSorley's, I think.

We can check it out.

Um, but if the food's bad,

we're swinging by
the Golden Arches.

[ Laughs ]

Mm.

♪♪

Why did the boy
throw his clock out the window?

[ As Pat ] Because he wanted
to see time fly.

[ Normal voice ]
What's black and white

and red all over?

That skunk that got squished
in front of our house.

You're not
supposed to talk!

Maybe this is why
Knuckles ran away.

I got your boy Knuckles back
from the airline.

Oh, thank God!

Yeah, stayed in touch
with one of the stews.

Rhonda made it happen.

Welcome home, Knuckles!

Whoa.
Pat: Who's that?

Do you live in a cave?

This is Lester,

one of the most renowned talents
in all of ventriloquism.

Knuckles
is gonna be devastated

he wasn't here
to meet him.

The comedy team
of Willie Tyler and Lester

were one of the reasons
I got into ventriloquism.

Also, no girls liked me.

So, why are your eyes
so big?

Man, if you jumped on a bicycle
and the seat wasn't there,

your eyes would be big,
too.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, ventriloquism
will make me popular for sure.

It did not.

Two ventriloquism puppets
on the same flight.

I mean, what are the odds?

What do I do now?

I have a big show
in an hour.

I believe he's free.

♪♪

No, I couldn't.

Lester is showbiz royalty.

He's built from pieces of
the Atlantic City Boardwalk.

You know you want to.

Go ahead, Timmy.

Put your hand in him
and take him for a spin.

♪♪

Say, Lester...

What, turkey?

What did you eat
for Thanksgiving?

A turkey,
you jive turkey.

Even in 1972,
this was a huge mistake.

Mm. Wow.

This place
is pretty swanky.

Cloth napkins
and candles on the tables.

Well, soak in
all the ambiance, honey.

They pass that cost along
in the --

Holy Toledo.

40 cents for a soda.

Maybe they'll
knock something off

if we blow out the candle.

Relax,
I'm taking the candle.

We escaped our kids
for one night,

I say we splurge.

Oh.

The onion soup
is French.

You feeling better about
Lawrence and this Fiona?

Well, I suppose we'll just
have to meet this mystery girl

when he's ready.

Welcome to McSorley's.
Are you ready?

Yes.

Yes, I am.

Mike:
I'm not usually a fish guy,

but with all the breading
and the sauce,

you hardly taste it.

I got you
more tartar sauce.

Oh, boy.

It's just
mayo and pickles.

Please, write down the recipe
for my wife.

I got it.

So, how long have you been
working here?

Four years.

I think I started the day

they made that batch
of tartar sauce.

I am not discouraged.

You're so pretty.

I imagine you get
a lot of men hitting on you.

Believe me, I know.

This comes with a price.

Although a lot of gals are
into the bed-hopping these days,

I would never judge.

How do you feel
about promiscuity?

I'm an old-fashioned girl.

I like to meet men
by putting on a nice dress

and tying myself
to a railroad track.

Well, enjoy yourself.
I say live-and-let-live.

I must have been out of the room
that day.

[ Laughs ]
I imagine you get your drinks for free, huh?

You enjoy a little snort
every now and then?

What are you doing, honey?

I'm just saying,
in this festive atmosphere,

it must be pretty tempting

to become
a degenerate alcoholic.

Could you give me a hand
over here, Fiona?

Excuse me.

Fiona.

[ Rock music
plays on stereo ]

Lawrence's Fiona?

You suckered me into spying
on our son's girlfriend.

Oh, grow up.

You knew who I was
when you married me.

Yeah, well, it backfired

because all you found out
was she's a very nice girl

who knows how to keep
the tartar flowing.

You're right.

There's nothing not to like
about her.

But I'll find it.

Can I get you
anything else?

I was wondering about
your dessert specials

and if you have
any history of mental illness

in your family.
We're fine.

Well, it's been a pleasure,
Mr. and Mrs...?

Tartar-son.

Miles and Eleanor Tartarson.

Hopefully we'll see you
back here soon,

Miles and Eleanor.

Oh, I doubt it.

We don't get out much,

especially
not after this.

I understand.

It happens to all of us
as we get older.

Older?

Sweetie, how old are you?

Eleanor...
I don't mind.

I'm 43.

You two
have a good evening.

[ Music continues ]

Did I hear right?

She's 43?

If she admits it
that easily,

she's probably been saying it
for a long time.

♪♪

I can't get over him dating
a girl -- a [scoffs] lady --

43 years old.

Why would he do that?

It's like
he's chasing his mother.

I know, it's great.

So much for
"inconsequential."

You're okay with that?

It's weird.

It's like Lawrence

is looking for
a substitute for you.

Mm. Yep.

'Cause I'm taken.

Not only am I consequential,

I'd say I gave that kid
a pretty serious complex.

Well, we know
Frank's gonna be jealous.

You guys can all
duke it out over me.

You know, I'm not buying
you're happy with this.

You've been looking
for ammunition

to use against this woman,

and now you have it.

She's The Little Old Lady
From Pasadena.

Hey, watch yourself.
She's younger than me.

I just meant old for him.

Fine. It's weird.

But when you think about it,
Mike,

trying to hold on
to your children

is just like grabbing
a fistful of Jell-O --

the more you squeeze it,

the more it slips through
your fingers.

Or mashed potatoes.

Sure, Mike.
Or mashed potatoes.

I'll just have to let
Lawrence do what he does

because any more meddling
might drive him away forever.

[ Knock on door ]

Mom, Dad.
It's Lawrence.

Coming.

Wait,
I'd better cover up.

Didn't expect
to see you here.

If you're staying,

I'm happy to kick Frank
out of your bed.

Just a visit.

I felt bad about
how we left things today,

and I came by
hoping to heal

some of
this negative energy.

Well,
a good start would be

not saying stuff like
"negative energy."

Well, uh, I've decided
I want you guys to meet Fiona.

We'd enjoy that...
someday in the distant future.

Maybe bring her by
for Thanksgiving.

Or we could do it
right now.

She's in the kitchen.

♪♪

How can you expect me

to put together a turkey dinner
at this hour?

We'll see her in November.

It will just take a minute,
guys.

♪♪

W-We'll be right out.
Mm.

♪♪

Hey!

The woman might be elderly,

but she's not gonna forget us
from an hour ago.

♪♪

What if she can't see us?

What are your intentions
regarding my brother?

Isn't it
past your bedtime?

Now that
I finally have a bed,

I have no interest
in giving it back

once Missy here tires of
her pretty little plaything.

Let me guess.

That was Frank.

[ Hair dryer blows
in distance ] Yeah.

What's happening now?

Frank's personality

sucked all the light
out of the world.

Peggy: Hey, there.

Sorry about the lights.

I think
we're out of fuses.

This could take
a while. Yeah.

Fiona: That's
the same kind of candle

we have at our restaurant.

You mean this common candle

that's sold
practically everywhere?

Uh, Fiona, this is, uh,
probably my mom and my dad.

So nice to probably
meet you.

Peggy: Well, sorry
we can't see each other.

We should definitely reschedule
for some other time.

What are you doing
for Thanksgiving? Oh, there's an idea.

Come at 3:00,
bring a side dish,

maybe some of that
tartar sauce.

[ Laughs ]

Damn it.

[ Sighs ]

Why would you say that?

Doesn't matter.
Power came on.

So now you're blaming
the electricity?

Did the electricity say
"tartar sauce"?

I rushed to fix that fuse,
Dad.

When you have
an unmarried couple on the premises,

you do not want to give them
the cover of darkness.

Thank you, Frank.

We meet again,
Miles and Eleanor.

Lawrence: What's that?

Fiona: Your folks came into
the restaurant tonight

pretending to be
the Tartarsons.

I'm curious --
if you'd ordered the bratwurst,

would you have been
the Mustardsons?

No because that's
a fake-sounding name.

So, after everything
I said,

you still couldn't stop yourself
from meddling?

Don't give her
all the blame.

I couldn't stop her
either.

I'm glad you got to see this
for yourself.

My mother's duplicity
is like the Grand Canyon --

people tell you about it,
you can see the pictures,

but there's
nothing quite like

standing in front of it
and saying, "Oh, my God."

I'm glad, too, Lawrence.

I finally get to see
how wonderful your parents are.

What?

What?

[ Chuckles ]

I think what Fiona is saying

is that I am the Grand Canyon
of wonderfulness.

Thank you.
Someone gets it.

Of course
your poor mom and dad

had to go
to crazy lengths.

What choice
did they have?

You didn't even tell them
I existed.

I was just trying
to protect us.

From what?
Your mother's love?

I offer it
to all my boys.

Whether they accept it or not
is on them.

With you, it's not love.
It's control.

It's about making
everything about you.

But it is about me.

It's about me
losing my son.

I lost you for a while before
and you came back,

and I realized
how important it is to me

having my whole family
around me.

I'm just really bad
at saying goodbye.

Mom, I'm just gonna be
in Pasadena.

Yeah,
but I hate that freeway.

Well, then I'll come here
all the time.

Okay, but call first.

I guess
we'll come back tomorrow

and load
some of Lawrence's stuff.

I can get my hands on
some really excellent boxes.

See you soon,
Mr. and Mrs. Cleary.

Oh, "Mrs. Cleary."

You sure you don't want
to call me Peggy?

Maybe someday.

Right now,
it wouldn't feel respectful.

You hear that, Mike?

From a different generation,
when they had manners.

[ Chuckles softly ]

Come here.

But seriously, call first.

If we don't pick up,
don't come.

Okay.

[ Door opens, closes ]

[ Sighs ]

We gonna go through this
seven more times?

Maybe four or five.

There's a couple
I'll be happy to see the back of.

Mike: Change.

Change.

Back.

Change.

It wasn't the easiest thing
in the world for my mom

to see
Lawrence move away,

but it helped that
she still had

plenty more sons
to dote on.

I can't keep my arms up
much longer, Mom.

My shoulder
is throbbing.

Offer it up
to St. Anthony de Bordelaine,

the patron saint
of sweaters.

Change.
I am standing by if you need me, Mom.

[ Sighs ] Frank.

Always hovering.

[ Person speaking indistinctly
on TV ] Change.

Wait, wait, wait,
go back.

A coffee table.

[ Laughter ]

Mike: Holy smokes.

Timmy, get in here!

[ Laughs ]
This is bananas.

Timmy: What?

[ Laughter ]

Oh, my God.

Knuckles, can you speak
any foreign languages?

I can speak Russian.

Give us two words
in Russian.

Vodka.

That's only one.

Make it a double.

[ Laughter ]

A double's
a kind of a drink

but also means
two of something.

Yeah, I saw you running down
the street the other day.

The strangest thing
about this...

I can't believe Knuckles

gets to work
with Willie Tyler.

Why were you running
so fast?

Oh,
I'm so proud of him.

He doesn't look nervous
at all.

Well, now that you know
where he is,

you can go
and get him back.

Why would you stick
your tongue out at him...

I could, I guess.

I always
stick my tongue out...

But no.

I'm not gonna
stand in his way.

Knuckles was always
the real talent of the team.

For me and my mom,

the summer of 1972
was a time for letting go.

Fly high,
my wooden friend.

Fly high.