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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:01,400 [man mimicking whooshing] 2 00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:03,720 [loudly chewing] 3 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 For best IPTV provider, please visit: WWW.IPTV.CAT For best IPTV provider, please visit: WWW.IPTV.CAT 4 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:05,520 [mimicking explosion] 5 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,400 [upbeat chiming] 6 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 For best IPTV provider, please visit: WWW.IPTV.CAT For best IPTV provider, please visit: WWW.IPTV.CAT 7 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,640 [light ominous music] 8 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,840 [low-pitched buzzing] 9 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,040 [indistinct chatter] 10 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:01,840 -[rattling] -[door bangs] 11 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,960 [dramatic music] 12 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,560 [man] ♪ Pom-pom-pom, pom-pom-pom-pom ♪ 13 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,240 -[siren blaring] -[George] Hello, there. 14 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,960 I'm Detective Inspector George Radgitt. 15 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,960 I've been at Yorkshire Police Force for 40 years, man and boy. 16 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:27,000 And I've seen some unusual cases in my time as a copper. 17 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,760 Like that bloke who killed his little brother's kestrel. 18 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,240 [scoffs] Bastard. 19 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,440 But of all cases I've been involved with, 20 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:41,480 none is more bizarre than the disappearance of little Shannon Matthews, 21 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:46,960 aged nine, who went missing after a swimming lesson in Dewsbury. 22 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,320 [clicks tongue] Now, you've got a little lass, 23 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,920 you've got a swimming pool. 24 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,120 Well, it would normally make that pimms o'clock 25 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,160 'round old Len Fairclough's house. 26 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,880 But he'd kicked the bucket about ten years previous. 27 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,920 So, unless he'd been noncing from beyond the grave, 28 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:04,680 couldn't have been him. 29 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:06,760 I'm just thinking, though, 30 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,040 whether a pedo in Speedos aren't loose 31 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:13,520 or if she'd just run away after an argument with her family, 32 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,040 who, frankly, were so dysfunctional 33 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:19,560 they made the Fritzls look likeThe Brady Bunch. 34 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,840 [whimsical music] 35 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,920 [indistinct children chattering] 36 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,120 [birds chirping] 37 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,400 [man on laptop] ...be honest with your sin, and say the truth about Jesus... 38 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:33,960 [Karen] Thank fuck for that, Craig. 39 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,760 That's the last the of kids off to school. 40 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,000 [laptop chimes] 41 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:38,520 [man continues on laptop] 42 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,920 -[laptop chimes] -I said, thank fuck for that, Craig. 43 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,920 That's the last of the kids off to school! 44 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,120 [gospel music playing on laptop] 45 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,200 -I said-- -All right! 46 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,200 I heard you the first time, Karen. 47 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,280 What do you want me to do? Pull down me pants and trousers, 48 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,640 stick a cigar in under my cock, and do a little jig? 49 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,400 Even some kind of grunt would fucking do. 50 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,400 I don't know what's so interesting on that computer of yours, 51 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,280 but whenever you're on it, 52 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,600 -it's like I'm fucking invisible. -[keyboard clacking] 53 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:12,520 Can you see me? Hello? Can you see me? 54 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,840 Of course I can fucking see you. 55 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,920 Christ, my eyesight's bad, but I'm hardly gonna miss 56 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:20,120 a big ginger walrus dancing 'round in front of me face. 57 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,800 -[thud] -Ah, fuck off! 58 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,160 You fuck off! You're not even meant to be here! 59 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,320 [sharply exhales] Ain't you got work today? 60 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,320 And you have a go at me for not listening. 61 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,040 I told you already. New manager at Fish Counter 62 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,120 -swapped up shifts around. -Oh, great. 63 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,040 So you'll be rolling in at ten o'clock at night 64 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,440 smelling like a bag of lady's snatch. 65 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,600 Aye, I will. 66 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,520 And if you'd ever done a day's work in your life, 67 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,840 instead of laying on a sofa with two fingers up your fudge 68 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,400 and bother me arse listening to what you're going on about. 69 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,360 What do I need to go to work for? 70 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,600 -[laptop chimes] -[scoffs] Work's for fucking mugs. 71 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,320 Mugs like you going out at eight o'clock in the morning... 72 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,520 [chuckling] in your twatty uniform, 73 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,200 with a fucking name badge on. [laughs] 74 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,800 "Craig. Happy to help." 75 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,640 -[beeps] -[cash register dings] 76 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:12,320 You? Fucking happy to help? That's a fucking joke for starters! 77 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,480 Up yours! Women like a man in uniform. 78 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:19,480 Yeah, when it's a Chippendale dressed up as a fucking fireman, 79 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,960 not a fucking supermarket fishmonger! 80 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,840 That hat makes you look like a right cunt. 81 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,240 -Up your fucking arse! -Up your fucking arse, Spackerel! 82 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,080 Be a cold day in hell before you ever saw me 83 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,400 serving up haddock for three-and-a-half quids an hour. 84 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,640 -You see... -[alarm beeping] 85 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,040 ["Can't Work, Won't Work" by Kunt and the Gang] 86 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:44,040 ♪ When I get up in the morning I send the kids to school ♪ 87 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,960 ♪ I sit down on the toilet and I squeeze out a stool ♪ 88 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,880 ♪ Then I'll lay on the sofa and I switch the telly on ♪ 89 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:56,080 ♪ And when Lorraine Kelly's finished Jeremy Kyle comes on ♪ 90 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,680 ♪ Then I watchTrisha andCash in the Attic ♪ 91 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:03,680 ♪ I haveGoing for Gold on and I'm aNeighbours fanatic ♪ 92 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:07,800 -♪ Then it'sDiagnosis: Murder andMurder, She Wrote ♪ -[snorts] 93 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,480 ♪Flog It!, Deal or No Deal and then the kids are home ♪ 94 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,520 ♪ So I make some Turkey Twizzlers and stick them in a bap ♪ 95 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,400 ♪ And if they don't eat it up I'll give 'em all a slap ♪ 96 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:23,160 ♪ And 'cause I've worked so hard on that I put up me feet ♪ 97 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:27,480 ♪ I watchHollyoaks Emmerdale, EastEnders andCoronation Street ♪ 98 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:31,120 ♪ Then I putThe Bill on and I might have a little smoke ♪ 99 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:35,200 ♪ And watch a Channel 5 documentary on the world's fattest bloke ♪ 100 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:39,120 ♪ I've normally dozed off by then but if I'm still at the races ♪ 101 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:43,160 ♪ I'll have a flick and try and find some wild police chases ♪ 102 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,880 ♪ I sit on me arse all day I consider it a perk ♪ 103 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:51,200 ♪ Of the job of being unemployed and not going to work ♪ 104 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,040 [chiming] 105 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,840 ♪ I've never had a job I've never had a job♪ 106 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,680 ♪ 'Cause every time I need the dough I have another knob ♪ 107 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:04,640 ♪ And the knob supplies the semen and I have another kid ♪ 108 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:08,320 ♪ And the social give me money and say, "Well done" for what I did ♪ 109 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:12,680 ♪ Yeah, the social give her money to say "Well done" for what she did ♪ 110 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:16,640 -♪ Can't work, won't work ♪ -♪ They send her to an interview ♪ 111 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:20,560 -♪ Can't work, won't work ♪ -♪ She'd fuck it up that much is true ♪ 112 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:25,480 -♪ Can't work, won't work ♪ -♪ To tell the truth I'm overjoyed ♪ 113 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:29,960 -♪ Can't work, won't work ♪ -♪ To live me whole life unemployed ♪ 114 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,920 ♪ Are they to work in a garage? It would really be the pits ♪ 115 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:48,800 ♪ I wouldn't work in an aviary it would bore me off me tits ♪ 116 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,840 ♪ I couldn't work on an assault course ♪ 117 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,800 ♪ It would drive me up the wall ♪ 118 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,000 ♪ And I wouldn't volunteer for any money ♪ 119 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,880 ♪ Let alone fuck all ♪ 120 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,640 ♪ She couldn't work in a mental home ♪ 121 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,720 ♪ It would drive me insane ♪ 122 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,600 ♪ She wouldn't work for Weetabix ♪ 123 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,760 ♪ It would go against the grain ♪ 124 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,120 -♪ She wouldn't be a soldier ♪ -♪ Like those pricks ♪ 125 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:10,600 -♪ Robson and Jerome? ♪ -♪ And she wouldn't work for charity ♪ 126 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,280 ♪ 'Cause it begins at home ♪ 127 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,360 ♪ She can't stand the sight of kids ♪ 128 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,440 ♪ So I won't work in a school ♪ 129 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,440 ♪ She'd never be a policeman ♪ 130 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,440 ♪ I fucking hate them all ♪ 131 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,360 ♪ She wouldn't work on a sewage plant ♪ 132 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,320 ♪ I couldn't stand the muck ♪ 133 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:25,960 ♪ And she couldn't work in care ♪ 134 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,240 ♪ 'Cause I really don't give a fuck ♪ 135 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,280 ♪ She wouldn't be a bin man ♪ 136 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,120 ♪ I just have to refuse ♪ 137 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,080 ♪ She'd never be a model ♪ 138 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,200 ♪ I just can't walk in them shoes ♪ 139 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,040 ♪ She wouldn't be a stuntman ♪ 140 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,040 ♪ I couldn't do the stunts ♪ 141 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,760 ♪ And she wouldn't work for government ♪ 142 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,160 ♪ 'Cause they're a bunch of fucking cunts ♪ 143 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:48,000 ♪ I sit on me ass all day morning and afternoon ♪ 144 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:52,360 ♪ The job of being unemployed is something of a boon ♪ 145 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:53,840 [chiming] 146 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,800 ♪ I've never had a job ♪ 147 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,760 ♪ I've never had a job ♪ 148 00:07:57,920 --> 00:07:59,840 ♪ 'Cause every time I need the dough ♪ 149 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,640 ♪ I have another knob ♪ 150 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,240 ♪ And the knob supplies his spunk ♪ 151 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,600 ♪ Which he deposits up me muff ♪ 152 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,640 ♪ And I have a kid and the money goes up♪ 153 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,360 ♪ Until I've got enough ♪ 154 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,520 ♪ Yeah, she has a kid and the money goes up ♪ 155 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,720 ♪ Until she's got enough ♪ 156 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,600 ♪ Can't work, won't work ♪ 157 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,600 ♪ A job's something for other folk ♪ 158 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,480 ♪ Can't work, won't work ♪ 159 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,600 ♪ I can't be asked to do a stroke ♪ 160 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:23,360 ♪ Can't work, won't work ♪ 161 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,960 ♪ I ain't doing other people's chores ♪ 162 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,440 ♪ Can't work, won't work ♪ 163 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,400 ♪ Fuck that shit I'll stay indoors ♪ 164 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,080 [inaudible] 165 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,720 ♪ Fuck that shit I'll stay indoors ♪ 166 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,000 [crowd booing] 167 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,200 [indistinct shouting] 168 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,760 [woman] Fuck off! 169 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,120 Fuck off! 170 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,080 [booing continues] 171 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,360 [man] Get off-- 172 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:51,440 [keyboard clacking] 173 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:52,520 [indistinct chatter on laptop] 174 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:54,080 Make us fucking brew, will ya? 175 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,360 -Kettle's just boiled. -[sighs] 176 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,680 Aye! I'm gonna sit down with a cuppa and watch Jeremy. 177 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,480 [woman on laptop] ...and, you know, the teacher was saying, 178 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,840 "I will not have such discussed in my class..." 179 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,920 -[Karen] You want a Viscount with it? -Aye! 180 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,360 -[fly buzzing] -Orange or mint? 181 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,400 Orange. No, 182 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,360 -uh, mint. No. Fuck it. Can I have one of each? -[fly buzzing] 183 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,120 Mm. Fucking hell, he's a man who knows what he wants. 184 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,720 Stick an extra spoonful of sugar in it, will ya? 185 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,280 Always tastes like there's no fucking sugar in it 186 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:23,800 when you have a chocolate bickie. 187 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:26,640 [Karen] What else, milord? 188 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,880 Do sir want his tea served up in a china cup and saucer? 189 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,560 Or maybe he wants his biscuits on a little silver plate 190 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,920 with a fucking doily on it. 191 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,120 To be honest, in this house, I'd be grateful for a cuppa 192 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,840 that don't taste like it's been sieved through gusset of your shreddies. 193 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,960 Keep that up, you fishy fuck, and I'll tip this tea 194 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,880 straight over your cod and pollocks. 195 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,080 [gospel music playing] 196 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:52,480 Ta. 197 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,720 [man preaching on laptop] 198 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,720 [sniffs and sighs] 199 00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,400 Look at that for timing. [chuckles] 200 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,520 -Can't work, won't work. -Fucking love Jeremy Kyle. 201 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,640 How good would it be to be on Jeremy Kyle? 202 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:08,200 I should've gone on there and done DNA tests 203 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,960 when I didn't know who Shannon's dad were. 204 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,600 It'd have been Leon and that other bloke. 205 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,280 What were his fucking name? 206 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,920 One with harelip and BO, worked at chippy? 207 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,480 Oh, I don't fucking know. [chuckles] 208 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,800 They'd have been sat there shitting themselves 209 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,840 -with Jeremy going... -[faint applause] 210 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,520 ..."One of you two is gonna have to step up to the plate 211 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,320 and be a dad to this kid. Any man can be a sperm donor, 212 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,840 but it takes a real man to be a dad." [chuckles] 213 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,240 Fucking love to be on there. 214 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,160 I'd get Michelle to give us a makeover and do me hair. 215 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,560 I'd look fucking lush, don't you reckon? 216 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,560 Yeah. Yeah. 217 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,400 Get a new pair of Reeboks and everything. 218 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:49,680 I'd be there with tears rolling down my cheeks, going, 219 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,000 "Jeremy, they took advantage of me when I were drunk. 220 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,040 I feel so used! 221 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,440 They just fucked me and fucked off." 222 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,560 Then I tell him I were bipolar or something, so he didn't have a go at me. 223 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,120 He'd go up to 'em, 224 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,400 "You should have kept it in your trousers, mate. 225 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,040 Either that or put something on the end of it." [chuckles] 226 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,360 Can imagine it now. 227 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:16,640 Everyone on the estate going, "Karen! Saw you onJeremy Kyle. 228 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,360 You looked lush!" 229 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,080 [chuckles] Probably have to sign autographs in post office queue 230 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,040 while I were picking up benefits, wouldn't I? 231 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,240 -Mm. Yeah. -[laptop chimes] 232 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,000 I'd fucking love to be famous! 233 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,360 Going on GMTV, 234 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,560 -and meeting Ben Shephard! -[heavenly chiming] 235 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,440 [chuckles] 236 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,960 On This Morning, with Eamonn Holmes 237 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,280 asking us questions about stuff. [chuckles] 238 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,000 When that cunt from social services comes around 239 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,240 to check we're not stubbing out tabs on kids 240 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,440 and just open letter box and go, 241 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:53,200 "Fuck off mate. I can't have you in today. I'm too fucking famous!" 242 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,120 And you get loads of free stuff. You know, clothes and stuff, 'cause you're famous. 243 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,120 And everyone wants their stuff associated with you. 244 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,760 -I'd have me own perfume! -Yeah. 245 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,280 "Karen Matthews, SNATCH." 246 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,480 [Karen] And you could go down pub 247 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,880 and everyone would want to buy you a drink. 248 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:14,080 You could get leathered every night, and it wouldn't cost you a fucking bean 249 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,000 'cause everyone would want you sat there with them, 250 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,000 telling anecdotes about all the famous people you'd met. 251 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,760 Jordan, Peter Andre, 252 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:28,240 Chantelle, Davina, John Leslie! 253 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,640 I'd be fucking fantastic! 254 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,360 Give it a fucking rest, will ya? 255 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,560 No one 'round here is gonna be famous, Karen. 256 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,200 Least of all you. 257 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,160 What do you fucking know? I might be! 258 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:44,160 No, you fucking won't. You can't do anything. 259 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,000 -Yeah, I fucking can. -Well, you can fanny fart, 260 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,560 but I hardly think that's gonna win you Britain's Got Talent. 261 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,480 [mockingly] "Hello, I'm Karen." 262 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:58,080 [mimics farting] 263 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,880 Cut to Amanda Holden crying 264 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:04,800 while Piers Morgan picks little croutons of fanny batter out of her hair. 265 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,480 You can't stand me having a dream, can you? 266 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:12,160 [sighs] I don't fucking care! 267 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,480 You can dream all you like. 268 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,560 All I'm saying is that you're wasting your time 269 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,640 with all this celebrity bollocks. 270 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:20,600 It's not real life. 271 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,560 Real life is that out there. 272 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:25,440 [Karen sighs] 273 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,600 [indistinct chatter on laptop] 274 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,080 -[sighs heavily] -That rusty pram frame in garden. 275 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,520 That's real life. 276 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,360 That exercise bike sticking out of skip. 277 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,280 [gentle music] 278 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:40,720 That's real life. 279 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:46,120 That dog turd with the fag end sticking out end of it. 280 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:48,720 That's real life. 281 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,960 Real life's not a bunch of washed up celebrities in middle of nowhere 282 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,920 eating kangaroo cocks and being commented on by Ant & Dec. 283 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:01,440 Well, I had that reading at fair that said I was gonna be famous. 284 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,760 So don't come crying to me when I make it 285 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:09,040 and I'm drinking down Groucho Club with Alison Moyet and Michael Barrymore, 286 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:13,080 and you're so stuck here with all the other cunts on the estate. 287 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,120 Aye. Fucking bound to happen. 288 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:21,400 -[siren blaring] -Geed on by Craig's lack of faith in her, 289 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,600 Karen set about thinking of a plan 290 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,600 to make herself rich and famous. 291 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,440 She went 'round to see Craig's uncle, Michael Donovan. 292 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,880 As a kid, Michael went to a special school. 293 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,040 And now he were approaching 40, he lived on his own 294 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,040 and were always glad of visitors 295 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,200 to help fill void left by his two daughters 296 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,600 getting taken into care. 297 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:44,800 [upbeat whimsical music] 298 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:51,640 [Michael farts] Hold on a minute. I'm having a number two. [farts] 299 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,400 Michael, you spacker, it's me, Karen! 300 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,200 Okay, I won't be long. [farts] 301 00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,120 -[farts] -[thud and splashing] 302 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,040 I've nipped it off, and I'm wiping now. 303 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,880 Just wipe to beige, let me in, and you can go back and finish off. 304 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:07,360 -Finished! -[thud] 305 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,640 -[toilet loudly flushing] -I'm on my way down now. It were a ghost poo. 306 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,120 Hey, Karen. 307 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,320 You fucking knobhead, get in! 308 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,520 [upbeat whimsical music] 309 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,160 [Michael] Sorry about that, Karen. 310 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,960 I always do me big job straight after Jeremy Kyle'sfinished. 311 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,120 I can't stand The Wright Stuff, 312 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,560 so there's a ten minute plopping window 313 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,400 right before Trishastarts. 314 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,680 I've got it timed to poo-fection. 315 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,760 [laughing] What can I say, Michael? You're a man of many talents. 316 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,000 So what brings you 'round here, then? 317 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,200 Nothing, really. Just popped round to see how you were. 318 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,560 [sighs] I'm bearing up. 319 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,440 I'm always glad of visitors to fill the void 320 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,600 left by my two daughters getting taken into care. 321 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,760 Mm. How are you fixed at the moment? 322 00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:00,040 Jesus, I'm skint! I smoked all me tabs, 323 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,880 then got desperate and rolled up the butts. 324 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,280 Then got desperate and rolled up the butts of the roll ups with some lawn clippings. 325 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,960 Oh, fucking 'ell! Times are hard! 326 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,720 Aye. I've had to pawn me DVD player, 327 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,080 and the Police Academy 1-7 boxset 328 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,000 just to get me through to the end of the week. 329 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,680 Look, do you fancy earning yourself a few quid then? 330 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,080 Aye, but I got nothing else to pawn. 331 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:28,120 Well, how about a bit of child minding? 332 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,720 Child minding? Sounds great! 333 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,160 I'm always trying to fill the void 334 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,360 left by my two daughters getting taken into care. 335 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,080 Trouble is, I'm on antidepressants, 336 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,680 and my place is a tip. 337 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:44,040 Social services would never let us look after a kid here. 338 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,320 Well, fuck them! What do they fucking know? 339 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,520 Bunch of posh cunts going around telling people 340 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:50,320 how to look after their kids. [scoffs] 341 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,120 You're a good bloke, Michael. [chuckles] 342 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,000 -I trust you. -Oh, thanks, Karen. 343 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,000 What kind of money are we talking? 344 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,080 -A couple of quid an hour would be magic. -[chuckles] 345 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:03,480 Fuck that. 346 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,360 How does half a share of 50 grand sound? 347 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,120 What are you going on about? 348 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,120 What kind of childminding job pays... 349 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,800 -[ticking] -[Michael echoing] Come on, Michael, think. You can do this! 350 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,200 ...uh, half of 50 grand? 351 00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:23,520 [scoffs] Well, look, do you want the company? 352 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,200 Aye. I wanna fill the void left by my-- 353 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:31,280 -And do you need the money? -Aye, I do. You see... 354 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,480 ["I've Got A Plan [Based On Maddie McCann]" by Kunt and the Gang] 355 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,800 ♪ I've had enough of scheming and messing 'round with pricks ♪ 356 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,720 ♪ My car is parked outside I'm afraid it's up on bricks ♪ 357 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:46,760 ♪ 'Cause I had to take my alloys down to Cash Converters ♪ 358 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,680 ♪ I'll get them back on giro day ♪ 359 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:54,280 ♪ I saw an episode ofShameless where Young Liam went missing ♪ 360 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,400 ♪ Hear me now, I've got a plan before you start dismissing ♪ 361 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,920 ♪ It turned out his sister Debbie were behind it all along ♪ 362 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:06,200 ♪ She plotted it to try and make it pay ♪ 363 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:10,520 ♪ I've got a plan I've got a plan ♪ 364 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,320 ♪ I've got a plan based on Maddie McCann ♪ 365 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:18,280 ♪ She's got a plan she's got a plan ♪ 366 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:22,120 ♪ She's got a plan based on Maddie McCann ♪ 367 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,000 -♪ I've got a plan ♪ -♪ You've got plenty of kids ♪ 368 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,040 -♪ Let's make a few quid ♪ -♪ Let's make a few quid ♪ 369 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:34,000 -♪ You've got a plan ♪ -♪ I've got the sprogs ♪ 370 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,960 -♪ Let's make a few bob ♪ -♪ Let's make a few bob ♪ 371 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:45,640 ♪ I've done the football pools for years I'm stuck in a routine ♪ 372 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,480 ♪ I've had fuck all off the lottery I've never won a bean ♪ 373 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:53,600 ♪ I've spent £30 on scratchcards and I only won a quid! ♪ 374 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,720 ♪ The answer is clear as can be ♪ 375 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:01,440 ♪ All we need is my kid, some drugs and a little perseverance ♪ 376 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,600 ♪ The McCanns have fucking raked it in with Maddie's disappearance ♪ 377 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,240 ♪ We can make a fortune too if we do it right ♪ 378 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,800 ♪ And what's more I'll get on the TV ♪ 379 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,360 ♪ I've got a plan I've got a plan ♪ 380 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:21,000 ♪ I've got a plan based on Maddie McCann ♪ 381 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:25,160 ♪ She's got a plan she's got a plan ♪ 382 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:29,200 ♪ She's got a plan based on Maddie McCann ♪ 383 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:32,920 -♪ I've got a plan ♪ -♪ You've got plenty of kids ♪ 384 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,000 -♪ Let's make a few quid ♪ -♪ Let's make a few quid ♪ 385 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,800 -♪ You've got a plan ♪ -♪ I've got the sprogs ♪ 386 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,800 -♪ Let's make a few bob ♪ -♪ Let's make a few bob ♪ 387 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,760 -♪ Let's make a few bob ♪ -♪ Let's make a few bob ♪ 388 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,680 -♪ Let's make a few bob ♪ -♪ Let's make a few bob ♪ 389 00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,560 So, let's get this straight. 390 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,600 I have to look after Maddie McCann for a few hours, 391 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,360 and I get 50 grand! 392 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,680 Oh, for fuck's sake. 393 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,720 -[upbeat music] -[door slams] 394 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,600 So Craig had gone off to work, and Karen went home 395 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,840 and waited for her kids to get back from school. 396 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,000 The smaller ones all arrived home as normal, 397 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:24,720 but four o'clock came and went, and there were no sign of Little Shannon, age nine. 398 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,720 She'd had a swimming lesson and was supposed to come home straight after. 399 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,320 -[chomping loudly] -[George] So Karen made a phone call. 400 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,480 -Hello, is that Domino's? Yeah. -[man] Yeah. 401 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,840 Could I have a large Hawaiian with extra ham 402 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,560 -and a large Meat Feast? -[woman] All right. All right. 403 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,640 Some chicken wings and three portions of wedges? 404 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,240 -Is that all? -Yeah. Oh, 405 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,360 and could you throw us in some extra dips? 406 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,120 -Yep. -Not fucking chili one, though. 407 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,840 -Barbecue and garlic and herb-- -No, no, sorry. 408 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,480 -Uh, not that phone call. The one straight after. -[man] Hello? Hello? 409 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,720 [melancholic music] 410 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,120 [line ringing] 411 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,240 [mimics crying] Hello? Is that the police? 412 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,680 -[officer] Hello? Yeah. -Yeah, I'd like to report a missing girl! 413 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,920 -Go ahead. -It's me daughter, Shannon Matthews, 414 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,600 -age nine. She had a swimming lesson... -Righto. 415 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,680 ...and was supposed to come home straight after, 416 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,600 -but she hasn't! -Oh! 417 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,360 [George] So, the upshot of that phone call were 418 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,520 that police sent a car straight 'round. 419 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,640 -[siren blaring] -And in that car were me, 420 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,640 Detective Inspector George Radgitt at Yorkshire Police. 421 00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:26,040 -[doorbell rings] -[woman on TV] I don't think this house is haunted. 422 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,600 -[man on TV] You don't think is haunted-- -[turns off TV] 423 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,280 [sighs] 424 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,960 [George] Oh, hello, Mrs. Matthews, I'm Detective Inspector 425 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:37,360 George Radgitt at Yorkshire Police. 426 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,440 Now, am I right in thinking that your daughter, 427 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,520 little Shannon Matthews, age nine, 428 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,320 -didn't come home? -That's right, Inspector Radgitt. 429 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:46,960 She had a swimming lesson and was supposed 430 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:49,480 to come home straight after, but she hasn't. 431 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,080 And I'm so worried something might have happened to her. 432 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,880 You know, a bit like Maddie McCann. 433 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,600 Oh, come, come, Mrs. Matthews. 434 00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,840 She's only been gone a couple of hours. 435 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,040 It could be a number of perfectly innocent explanations 436 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,240 as to why she might be late to home. 437 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,480 She might have just stopped off to buy a quarter pound of sherbet pips 438 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,080 or spearmint chews, uh, or lemon bonbons. 439 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,520 [mimics sobbing] Oh, but you hear about such terrible things 440 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,800 these days, Inspector Radgitt! 441 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:21,120 While you're stood there listing retro sweets of yesteryear, 442 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:27,040 -she could be getting diddled by a nonce case! [crying] -Oh! Oh, no! 443 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,560 Don't think that, Mrs. Matthews. 444 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:33,480 There's officers in cars driving around, looking for her as we speak. 445 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,760 Why don't you just calm down and tell me from start what happened? 446 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,760 Okay, then. You see... 447 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,960 ["Shannon Shannon [Where Can You Be?]" by Kunt and the Gang] 448 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:50,640 ♪ The kids got home as usual this afternoon from school ♪ 449 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:55,320 ♪ But Shannon had a swimming lesson at the swimming pool ♪ 450 00:22:55,800 --> 00:23:00,880 ♪ It got to four o'clock and there were no sign of her at all ♪ 451 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:05,680 ♪ So I rang a pizza then gave the old bill a call ♪ 452 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:10,720 ♪ She's never once gone missing or run away from home ♪ 453 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:15,680 ♪ So naturally I were worried and gave 999 a phone ♪ 454 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:20,960 ♪ Will you help me find her? She's only nine years old ♪ 455 00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:26,040 ♪ The dark has started drawing in, and what's more it's freezing cold ♪ 456 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:30,840 ♪ Shannon, Shannon where can you be? ♪ 457 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:35,880 ♪ Are you lost and lonely or has someone abducted thee? ♪ 458 00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:41,120 -♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ Shannon, Shannon listen to my plea ♪ 459 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:45,520 ♪ If you come home I'll make you a Fray Bentos pie for tea ♪ 460 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:51,160 ♪ Ho-ho, if you come home she'll make you a Fray Bentos pie for tea ♪ 461 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:58,800 ♪ Don't worry, Mrs. Matthews we're doing all we can ♪ 462 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:03,520 ♪ There's offices in cars out and one bloke in a van ♪ 463 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:08,920 ♪ We've scrambled helicopters we've even got some dogs ♪ 464 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:13,880 ♪ Sniffing in the woods they're barking round the public bogs ♪ 465 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,560 ♪ There's men combing the graveyard ♪ 466 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,880 ♪ And all round by the church ♪ 467 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:23,760 ♪ Can you give us a description to help us in our search? ♪ 468 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:29,040 ♪ You'll know if you find her she'll give you a scare ♪ 469 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:33,960 ♪ She looks just like a Cabbage Patch doll but with greasy hair ♪ 470 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:39,440 ♪ Shannon, Shannon where can you be? ♪ 471 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:44,320 ♪ Are you lost and lonely or has someone abducted thee? ♪ 472 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:49,320 -♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ Shannon, Shannon listen to my plea ♪ 473 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:53,560 ♪ If you come home I'll make you crispy pancakes for your tea ♪ 474 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,480 ♪ Hey-hey! If you come home she'll make you ♪ 475 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,360 ♪ Crispy pancakes for your tea ♪ 476 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,360 ♪ Do you think she's fallen over ♪ 477 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,880 ♪ And is laying in a hedge? ♪ 478 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,560 ♪ Do you think she's wandered near a cliff ♪ 479 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,320 -♪ And fallen off the edge? ♪ -[Shannon yelping] 480 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,640 ♪ Do you think she's run away ♪ 481 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,920 ♪ Perhaps to join the fair? ♪ 482 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,560 ♪ Or been kept behind by the nit nurse ♪ 483 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,000 ♪ Who's shampooing her hair? ♪ 484 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,480 ♪ Do you think she's fallen in a lake ♪ 485 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,040 ♪ Treading water to survive? 486 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,960 ♪ Do you think she's climbed a pylon ♪ 487 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,480 -♪ And been fried alive? ♪ -[buzzing] 488 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:37,160 ♪ Do you think she's been picked up by a local pedo ♪ 489 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,880 ♪ And he's making her perform sexual acts ♪ 490 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,440 ♪ To satisfy his libido? ♪ 491 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:47,320 ♪ Shannon, Shannon, did you get in a stranger's car? ♪ 492 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,640 ♪ Did he lure you in with puppies ♪ 493 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,280 -[tires screeching] -♪ Or a chocolate bar? ♪ 494 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:57,480 -♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ Shannon, Shannon I hope that you're okay ♪ 495 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:02,000 ♪ If you come home, we can have a bargain bucket every day ♪ 496 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:07,480 ♪ Ho-ho! If you come home you can a bargain bucket every day♪ 497 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,600 [George] Unfortunately, Shannon Matthews didn't come home that night. 498 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,640 -[siren blaring] -A lot of us feared the worst. 499 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,760 As I took me son into bed for the night, 500 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,960 Karen's poignant words echoed around my mind. 501 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:25,040 [echoing] While you stood there listing retro sweets of yesteryear, 502 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,960 -she could be getting diddled by a nonce case. -[voice groaning eerily] 503 00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:33,600 Diddled by a nonce case. Diddled by a nonce case. 504 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:38,880 Diddled by a nonce case. Diddled by a nonce case... 505 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:41,960 [shudders] 506 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:46,160 Following day, good folk at Dewsbury Moor estate rallied round. 507 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,440 They took to the streets, many of them 508 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,200 in their pj's and slippers to help us with the search. 509 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,200 Posters were made and put up on lampposts all over town. 510 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:58,120 The local branch of Asda printed up a load of T-shirts 511 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,320 with Shannon's little cherub face on. 512 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,600 Back at home, though, Karen was still going 513 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,360 out of her mind with worry for her missing bairn. 514 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:08,600 [keyboard clacking] 515 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,000 [Karen] Look at these T-shirts, Craig. 516 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,080 Could have picked a better picture of Shannon. 517 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,120 She looks like she's had her hair styled by Crisp 'N Dry. 518 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,480 They're fucking massive and all! 519 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,240 They must think you're a right fat cunt. [laughs] 520 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:26,880 I might tie a knot in mine. 521 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:31,360 Mind you, better be careful I don't give DI Radgitt a flash of me midriff. 522 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,040 Probably spunk in his pants there and then. [laughs] 523 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,760 Did you see, yesterday, when he put his arm around me? 524 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:38,920 Titted me up a little bit. 525 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:40,880 I'm sure he did it on purpose, 526 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,920 the dirty old bastard. [chuckles] 527 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,760 Mind you, by the looks of him, 528 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,080 he's probably forgotten what his fucking cock is for. 529 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,880 Uh, apart from to have a piss out of. [laughs] 530 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,280 If he had a wank, 531 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,520 he'd just cough a bit of cheesy dust out end! [laughs] 532 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,960 Hey, if he tried to fuck someone, 533 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:02,600 he'd probably just end up trying to thumb in a soft on and hope for the best, 534 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,840 -eh, Craig? -[laptop chimes] 535 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,280 Craig! Are you gonna get out and help us look for Shannon 536 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,040 or are you gonna sit on that fucking computer all day? 537 00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:16,640 For fuck's sake, woman, I'm busy! 538 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,160 What are you doing on there? 539 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:21,800 You see... 540 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,680 ♪ I don't know what you're up to, Craig ♪ 541 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,720 ♪ You're on your laptop again ♪ 542 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,840 ♪ Are you googling, downloading or Facebooking a friend? ♪ 543 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,200 ♪ Have you set up a social networking profile ♪ 544 00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:35,000 ♪ Listing your interests and hobbies? ♪ 545 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,000 ♪ Or are you watching and MPEG video ♪ 546 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,160 ♪ Of two ladies and a cup full of jobbies ♪ 547 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:40,960 ♪ I'm surfing on the Internet ♪ 548 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,480 ♪ Karen it's a futuristic place ♪ 549 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,400 ♪ You'll never make anything of yourself ♪ 550 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,520 ♪ If technology you don't embrace ♪ 551 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:51,440 ♪ You look after your business, Karen and I'll look after mine ♪ 552 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,560 ♪ And FYI, I'm coordinating the search for Shannon online ♪ 553 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,760 ♪ But you're always on the web you're always connected ♪ 554 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:04,040 ♪ Meanwhile, I am over here feeling neglected ♪ 555 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,320 ♪ I'm a woman I've got feelings ♪ 556 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,520 ♪ And I need to feel alive! ♪ 557 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,360 ♪ Be with you in a minute, love I'm defragging me hard drive ♪ 558 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,640 ♪ De-- de-- defragging me hard drive ♪ 559 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:20,840 ♪ Defrag-- defragging me hard drive ♪ 560 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:25,080 ♪ So I'm putting Shannon's pictures up on message boards and forums ♪ 561 00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,080 ♪ People online can spread the word ♪ 562 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,520 ♪ Right click save as and store 'em ♪ 563 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,440 ♪ Everyone did it with Maddie McCann it were all the rage ♪ 564 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:37,600 ♪ You can add the poster with Shannon's face onto the profile page ♪ 565 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:41,960 ♪ I'm sorry, love I don't always understand your PC jargon ♪ 566 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:43,840 ♪ But if you're just on a message board ♪ 567 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,200 ♪ Why have you got that hard on? ♪ 568 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,880 ♪ FYI, it's not an arousal it's the way these trousers hang ♪ 569 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:54,080 ♪ And shouldn't you be out looking for your kid not staring at my wang? ♪ 570 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:58,760 ♪ But you're always on the web you're always connected ♪ 571 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,440 ♪ I don't always feel like I'm completely respected ♪ 572 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,000 ♪ I'm a woman I've got feelings! ♪ 573 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:06,880 ♪ And I need some care ♪ 574 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,000 ♪ I'm backing up me documents, woman ♪ 575 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:10,880 ♪ So fuck off over there ♪ 576 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,720 ♪ Fuck, fuck, fuck off-- fuck off over there ♪ 577 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,960 [song slows and stops] 578 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,440 -[song resumes] -♪ Just fuck it-- fuck off over there ♪ 579 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:32,200 ♪ You're always on the web you're always connected ♪ 580 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:35,840 ♪ I make sexual advances and they're often rejected ♪ 581 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,160 ♪ I'm a woman with a vagina ♪ 582 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,240 ♪ Which sometimes needs a cock in it ♪ 583 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,320 ♪ I'm on eBay, you silly cunt ♪ 584 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,680 ♪ Now put a fucking sock in it ♪ 585 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,400 ♪ Fuck-- fuck, I'm on eBay you silly cunt ♪ 586 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:52,880 ♪ Now put-- p-- put a fucking sock in it ♪ 587 00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:59,560 ♪ Pom-pom-pom, pom-pom-pom-pom ♪ 588 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:01,480 [siren blaring] 589 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,360 -[George] So, a couple of weeks passed... -[glass breaks] 590 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:07,240 ...and there was still no sign of little Shannon, age nine. 591 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:09,880 It'd become a big nationwide story, 592 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,200 and had spawned the largest police search since the Ripper 593 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,480 got handy with his hammer back in early '80s. 594 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,320 A lot of us feared worse still. 595 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,520 'Cause often, if the kid's not found in first few days, 596 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:22,640 it can mean they've been murdered by a nonce. 597 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,080 Shannon's chubby head were on the front cover of every newspaper. 598 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,560 And Karen and Craig appeared on several prime time TV shows 599 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,040 -appealing for Shannon's release. -[muted] 600 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:36,360 Television news crews descended on Dewsbury Moor estate, 601 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,560 covering all aspects of the search 602 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,360 and featuring Karen often sobbing her eyes out, 603 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,760 while Craig, her rock, stood firm in support. 604 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,120 Certain sections of media, though, were beginning to ask questions 605 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,120 about Karen and Craig's home set up 606 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,120 and said they were an example of broken Britain. 607 00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:59,080 Turned out right she had seven kids by five blokes, 608 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,200 raking in benefits each week for four kids that live with her. 609 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,520 [scoffs] Made me think I might be in the wrong game. 610 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,440 Mrs. Matthews, is it true you've never had a job? 611 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,680 -[indistinct chatter] -If anyone's got me daughter, 612 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:12,240 me beautiful princess daughter, 613 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,640 please, would they bring her home safe? 614 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:16,480 Mrs. Matthews, is it true that you're receiving 615 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,520 £400 in benefits each week? 616 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,040 -[camera shutter clicking] -If anyone's got me daughter, 617 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:23,720 me beautiful princess daughter, 618 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,160 please, would they bring her home safe? 619 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,080 Mrs. Matthews, is it true your children 620 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:29,800 all have different fathers? 621 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,040 If anyone's got me-- 622 00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,960 Yeah, that is true, actually. Well, most of them. 623 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:37,760 You see... 624 00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:39,880 ["Different Dads" by Kunt and the Gang] 625 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:59,120 ♪ I first got in the family way when I were in me teens ♪ 626 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,600 ♪ A bloke stuck his winkie in me flange ♪ 627 00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:03,760 ♪ And then he'd done his beans ♪ 628 00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:07,920 ♪ I hadn't thought of babies I didn't have it planned ♪ 629 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:10,240 ♪ Twelve years later I've got seven kids♪ 630 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,600 ♪ It's all got out of hand ♪ 631 00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:16,720 [chorus continues singing] 632 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:20,760 ♪ And every one reminds me of a bunk up that I've had ♪ 633 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,240 ♪ One were conceived up an alley ♪ 634 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,120 ♪ And two behind some bins ♪ 635 00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:29,760 ♪ Three and four they got the same dad ♪ 636 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:31,960 ♪ So we call them the twins ♪ 637 00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:34,080 ♪ Your three and four got the same dad ♪ 638 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,440 ♪ So we call them the twins ♪ 639 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,000 ♪ The next one I were drunk one night ♪ 640 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,200 ♪ And had a one night stand ♪ 641 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:49,360 ♪ I hadn't thought of babies I didn't have it planned ♪ 642 00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:53,800 ♪ I fell pregnant once again and started to expand ♪ 643 00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,000 ♪ Then the social doubled me benefit ♪ 644 00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,400 ♪ And I thought "That's really grand!" ♪ 645 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:02,560 [chorus continues singing] 646 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:06,520 ♪ And every one reminds me of a bunk up that I've had ♪ 647 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:11,600 ♪ Five's dad had a slap-head and six's were mixed race ♪ 648 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:15,640 ♪ That's why he's got curly hair ♪ 649 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,520 ♪ And a slightly darker face ♪ 650 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,960 ♪ Oh, so that's why he's got curly hair ♪ 651 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,280 ♪ And a slightly darker face ♪ 652 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:41,920 [singing in Alur] 653 00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,160 ♪ So I left me flat got an house ♪ 654 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,200 ♪ And got pregnant by this chap ♪ 655 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:05,880 ♪ He were a fucking arsehole and sex with him were crap ♪ 656 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:07,840 ♪ He couldn't find the clitoris ♪ 657 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,200 ♪ I said "Do you need a fucking map?" ♪ 658 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:12,600 ♪ He said, "You cunt's so wide, it should have an announcement ♪ 659 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,320 ♪ That says, 'Mind the gap'" ♪ 660 00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,880 [chorus continues singing] 661 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:23,040 ♪ And every one reminds me of a bunk up that I've had ♪ 662 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:28,160 ♪ One's dad ran the kebab van and two's worked in KFC ♪ 663 00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:32,120 -[man shouting] ♪ Woo-hoo! ♪ -♪ He gave us popcorn chicken every time we fucked ♪ 664 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,080 ♪ And he were right good to me ♪ 665 00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:36,560 ♪ He gave her popcorn chicken every time they fucked ♪ 666 00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:38,480 ♪ He were right good to thee ♪ 667 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,280 ♪ So, I ended up here with Craig ♪ 668 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:47,440 ♪ He's me youngest's dad ♪ 669 00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,240 ♪ At least that's what I told him ♪ 670 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:51,440 ♪ He don't know about that other lad ♪ 671 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,800 ♪ If he ever asks me I'll tell him for the best ♪ 672 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:58,160 ♪ "Get us onTrisha, then you lazy wee cunt ♪ 673 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,320 ♪ And I'll do a DNA test!" ♪ 674 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:04,680 [chorus continues singing] 675 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:09,040 ♪ And every one reminds me of a bunk up that I've had ♪ 676 00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:13,560 ♪ Five's dad were paraplegic and six's were a Turk ♪ 677 00:36:13,720 --> 00:36:15,760 [voice ululates] 678 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:17,680 ♪ Seven's dad done me up the wrongun ♪ 679 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:19,720 ♪ I'm not sure how that one worked ♪ 680 00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,400 ♪ I thought that gave you a backwards baby ♪ 681 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,600 ♪ I'm not sure how that one worked ♪ 682 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:33,240 -[indistinct chatter] -A-- aye, okay, okay, I think that's enough now. 683 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,440 Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 684 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,040 Last but not least, Sun Newspaper 685 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,400 have asked me to announce that they've put up a reward 686 00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:42,520 of £50,000 687 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,040 for information leading to Shannon's whereabouts. 688 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,240 [ethereal chiming] 689 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:49,680 Fifty grand! 690 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,080 [laughing] Bingo! 691 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,040 I mean... 692 00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:00,120 ...if anyone's got me daughter, my beautiful princess daughter, 693 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,880 please, would they bring her home safe? 694 00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:05,080 [indistinct chatter] 695 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,480 [gentle music] 696 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:09,920 [camera shutter clicks] 697 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:12,640 [indistinct chatter on TV] 698 00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:15,640 [Karen] Fucking hell! That were mental! [chuckles] 699 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,280 I know how Bono from U2 feels now. 700 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,360 Hey, that's tired me out, love. 701 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,760 I'm just gonna go on Internet for a bit. 702 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:28,880 Fifty grand! 703 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,960 Imagine what you could do with 50 grand! 704 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,000 You'd be a millionaire! 705 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,520 I'd surprise you on your birthday 706 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,160 and get world's biggest pork pie delivered. 707 00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,840 And when you open the door, I'd burst out of the pastry 708 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,400 wearing nowt but posh lingerie! 709 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:47,800 [Craig gags] Christ almighty! 710 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,160 I hope you'd waxed your bikini line first. 711 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,120 I love a pork pie, but last thing I need 712 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,440 is a big gobful of ginger pubes. 713 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:57,560 I don't know why I bother trying to do owt nice for you. 714 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,240 -I didn't realize you did. -[scoffs and grunts] 715 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:03,560 [deeply inhales and exhales] 716 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,520 -[sighing] Oh! -[keyboard clacking] 717 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,200 -Mm! Fucking hell! -[laptop chimes] 718 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,960 Look, Craig! Look on telly! Shannon's on telly again! 719 00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,120 -Look! Shannon's famous! -[indistinct chatter continues] 720 00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,160 [Craig] She's not famous, Karen. 721 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:18,280 She's missing. 722 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,160 Look, here's me again. 723 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:25,240 "If anyone's got me daughter, me beautiful princess daughter, 724 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,640 please, would they bring her home safe?" 725 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:30,360 [laughs] Fucking great, I am! 726 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:34,640 I'm like Kate Winslet. I'm a fucking natural. [laughs] 727 00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:36,880 Look at you, though. 728 00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,240 Do you have to wear that baseball cap? 729 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,600 [Craig] Oh, fuck off! What's the matter with me baseball cap? 730 00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:44,880 What's the matter with me baseball cap? 731 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:48,400 -Makes you look like Eminem with Down's syndrome. -Fuck off! 732 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:51,840 Some people suit hats, and some people don't. 733 00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,640 Sure, when people see you behind that fish counter, 734 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:58,480 they must think you got employed on some equal opportunity scheme. [laughs] 735 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:00,520 -[Craig] Christ, you're funny. -[laptop chimes] 736 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,120 It's like living on an episode of Will & Grace. 737 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,400 If Grace were a big ginger fucktard, 738 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,160 were fanny like a welly top. 739 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,000 And Will weren't a fudge packer, of course, 740 00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,160 'cause that'd be me. 741 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,720 I'm starting to wonder if you are a fucking fudge packer. 742 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:18,720 -Nowt the matter with my fanny. -[laptop chimes] 743 00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:21,280 Hmm. When I were in hospital, having a nipper, 744 00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:24,080 got them to put an extra stitch in it when they sewed me up. 745 00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:27,240 [clicks tongue] I've got the tightest cunt on the Dewsbury Moor estate, 746 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,560 everyone knows that! It's like a 12 year old's. 747 00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:32,600 Trust me, it fucking ain't. 748 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,520 -Eh? -[gasps] Oh, nothing! Nothing! 749 00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:36,840 I-- I just meant I have to put a finger on either side of me cock 750 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,400 just to touch the sides. 751 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,160 It's like waving a sausage around in Gull Farm. 752 00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,400 It's got more scabs than miners' strike. 753 00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,760 It's like sticking me cock in a sockfull of Crunchy Nut cornflakes. 754 00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,360 -[thud] -Oh, stop hitting me, you silly bint! 755 00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,480 [grunts] I could be on a show like Will & Grace 756 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,720 if you weren't always holding me back. 757 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,080 You saw me on that breakfast telly. I were fucking awesome! 758 00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:02,920 I could do that every day, once I've got used to early mornings. 759 00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,600 I thought you didn't want a fucking job? 760 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,280 But, you know, telly's not a fucking job, is it? 761 00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,240 Just sitting around, talking bollocks. [scoffs] 762 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:15,200 When Fiona quits GMTV, I could do that. 763 00:40:15,720 --> 00:40:19,320 I can just picture me sat on sofa with Andrew Castle. 764 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,840 Him sat there like a fucking cardboard cut-out cunt. 765 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,400 -Me still pissed from the night before. [chuckles] -[laptop chiming] 766 00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:27,440 I'd liven things up a bit. 767 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,000 -[indistinct chatter on tv] -Sharing a dressing room 768 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:33,120 -with Ben Shephard! [gasps] -[heavenly chiming] 769 00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:37,280 And him trying to get a sneaky look at me minge every time I get changed! 770 00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,200 "Benny boy, if you ask me, 771 00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:42,920 -I'll show you. -[keyboard clacking] 772 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,160 Pull it apart for you if you like." [laughs] 773 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:48,600 And in the bar after the show, all teams sat around, 774 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,080 sharing a couple of bottles of White Lightning. 775 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:53,840 Me, Ben, 776 00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:57,880 Kate Garraway, Penny Smith, 777 00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,880 John Stapleton and his wife, Lynn Faulds Wood! 778 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:06,800 -Oh, it'd be fucking fantastic! -Oh, fucking give it a rest! 779 00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,080 You just can't handle me being popular, can you? 780 00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:12,920 -Aye, that would be right. -Aye, it would. 781 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:15,160 -You see... -["P.O.P.U.L.A.R." by Kunt and the Gang] 782 00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,120 ♪ P-O-P-U-L-A-R ♪ 783 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,640 ♪ I'm popular, I'm popular ♪ 784 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:21,640 ♪ P-O-P-U-L-A-R ♪ 785 00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,120 ♪ I'm popular, I'm popular ♪ 786 00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:28,640 ♪ And if you tend to disagree that I'm popular, I'm popular ♪ 787 00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,920 ♪ Look at me on GMTV! ♪ 788 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,080 ♪ La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la ♪ 789 00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:37,240 ♪ The reasons TV likes me is I'm gritty and I'm real ♪ 790 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,680 ♪ A bit like Jane McDonald but with more sex appeal ♪ 791 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,200 ♪ I can turn on tears at the drop of an hat ♪ 792 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,600 ♪ Like Gwyneth Paltrow but not as fat ♪ 793 00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:48,720 ♪ And if you disagree with that ♪ 794 00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,200 ♪ I'll kick you in the cock or twat ♪ 795 00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:53,200 ♪ P-O-P-U-L-A-R ♪ 796 00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,720 ♪ I'm popular, I'm popular ♪ 797 00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:57,720 ♪ P-O-P-U-L-A-R ♪ 798 00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:00,120 ♪ I'm popular, I'm popular ♪ 799 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,240 ♪ And if you check all the reviews ♪ 800 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,640 ♪ I'm popular, I'm popular ♪ 801 00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:06,960 ♪ Look at me, I'm on Sky News! ♪ 802 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,320 ♪ La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la ♪ 803 00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:32,200 ♪ The reasons TV likes me is I'm ginger and a fox ♪ 804 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:34,160 ♪ A bit like Geri Halliwell ♪ 805 00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:36,440 ♪ But I've sucked half as many cocks ♪ 806 00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:41,040 ♪ Everyone on the estate can't help thinking that I'm great ♪ 807 00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,560 ♪ While you sat on your computer with that woody ♪ 808 00:42:43,720 --> 00:42:45,880 ♪ I'll be more famous than Jade Goody ♪ 809 00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,840 ♪ P-O-P-U-L-A-R ♪ 810 00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,360 ♪ I'm popular, I'm popular ♪ 811 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:52,360 ♪ P-O-P-U-L-A-R ♪ 812 00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:54,760 ♪ I'm popular, I'm popular ♪ 813 00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:56,880 ♪ And if you look on the TV ♪ 814 00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,200 ♪ I'm popular, I'm popular ♪ 815 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,640 ♪ I've got me own documentary ♪ 816 00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:03,600 ♪ La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la ♪ 817 00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,800 [crowd cheering and clapping] 818 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:25,240 [all chanting] Karen! Karen! Karen! Karen! 819 00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:28,880 Karen! Karen! Karen! Karen... 820 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,000 You're living in a fucking dreamworld, you are! 821 00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:35,000 You can't stand it, can you? 822 00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:37,960 The thought of people liking me for who I am. 823 00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:42,000 Karen, the only reason you're on telly is 'cause your daughter is missing. 824 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,760 They're not giving Kate McCann her own chat show. 825 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:46,800 Only 'cause she's such a miserable cunt. 826 00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:48,400 You'll be a miserable cunt and all 827 00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:50,400 if everyone thought that you'd killed your kid. 828 00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,920 Not if I had all her fucking money, I wouldn't. 829 00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,800 If the general public were giving me a million quid 830 00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,600 to go out on a jolly to Portugal every couple of weeks, 831 00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,800 wouldn't see me moping around with a face like a slapped arse. 832 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:03,560 She's hardly out there on Sangria, 833 00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:05,840 dancing to Aga-fucking-doo. 834 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,040 She's out there looking for her missing kid. 835 00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:12,120 Something that I wish that you'd do to give me a bit of peace and quiet. 836 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,080 -She's fucking loaded now, the sour-faced bitch! -[laptop chimes] 837 00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:17,920 What she need all that fucking money for? 838 00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:21,200 She a fucking doctor! All fucking minted anyway. 839 00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:23,840 She should give me some of that cash. 840 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:25,440 I've got a missing kid. 841 00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:29,840 Hey, we could fuck off on holiday, somewhere hot! 842 00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,560 I've always fancied Benidorm. 843 00:44:32,720 --> 00:44:36,760 -On what fucking planet are you on, woman? -Come on! 844 00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:40,520 Couple of weeks in sunshine, away from all this bollocks, would be just the ticket. 845 00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:43,520 We could get all-inclusive, so all beers are free. 846 00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:45,480 You don't have to walk anywhere. 847 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,680 Could just lay there by the pool. 848 00:44:48,720 --> 00:44:51,280 Another San Miguel here, Pedro. 849 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,520 [laughs] Be fucking ace. 850 00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:57,680 [gasps] Loads of blokes who all look like Antonio Banderas 851 00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,520 strutting about in skintight Speedos. 852 00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:03,360 Oh, I'd be frothing at gash. 853 00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:04,600 [ethereal chiming] 854 00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:06,600 Seriously, I think just saying that 855 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,960 -has made me a little bit moist. -Ugh! 856 00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:11,280 Oh, fucking hell. 857 00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:14,120 Hey, we could go and see that Sticky Vicky! 858 00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:16,720 You know her, what, pulls out stuff out her snatch. 859 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,400 It'll be a right laugh! [laughs] 860 00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:21,440 I'd probably get carried away, 861 00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:23,600 get up on stage and pull me tummy out. [laughs] 862 00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:25,920 I'd give 'em a fucking shock. 863 00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:27,600 [laughs] 864 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,160 Right, you. Get on Maddie website 865 00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:31,640 and get us the number for the appeal. 866 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:34,600 [sighing] Oh, you've got to be fucking joking! 867 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,400 Don't be a cunt! Make yourself useful for once. 868 00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:41,120 Fuck off. I'm not doing it. 869 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,400 -Right. Give us computer here then. -Uh, no, no, no! 870 00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:45,880 I-- I'll do it, I'll do it! You'll just, uh, 871 00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:48,360 fuck up me settings. Ugh, righto. 872 00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:50,400 Which website then? 873 00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:52,720 I don't fucking know! 874 00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:57,920 ww.her-parents-probably did-it-anyway.com. 875 00:45:58,080 --> 00:45:59,840 Just fucking google it, you prick! 876 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,760 -[Craig sighs] -[keyboard clacking] 877 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:02,880 [woman on TV] Oh, wow. 878 00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,000 -[laptop chimes] -Right. Here it is. 879 00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:10,160 0-2-0-7... 880 00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,000 -0-2-0-7... -[phone beeping] 881 00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:15,800 Hmm. 7-1-5... 882 00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:18,240 7-1-5... 883 00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:22,280 Mm-hmm. 7-4-6-9. 884 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:25,960 7-4-6-9. Mm-hmm. 885 00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:29,880 [laughing] 69! 886 00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:31,920 -Fucking hell! -[line rings] 887 00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:33,560 Oh, shut up, you cunt! It's ringing. 888 00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:37,960 -Hello, Madeleine McCann Appeal. -Oh, hello. 889 00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:41,040 This is Karen Matthews. Shannon Matthews's mum. 890 00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,400 You know, little girl what's missing? 891 00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:45,160 Could I speak to Kate McCann, please? 892 00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:48,120 Sorry, this is the Central Appeal office in London. 893 00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:49,760 How can I help you? 894 00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:52,760 Oh, well, could you give us Kate's number, then? 895 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:54,440 I need to speak to her about something. 896 00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:56,720 I don't have a number for Mrs. McCann, I'm afraid. 897 00:46:57,240 --> 00:46:59,880 You might be best to get in contact with the press office. 898 00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,720 Here, we just deal with information 899 00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:04,000 and public donations to the appeal. 900 00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,400 Oh, right. Uh-- 901 00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:08,840 Oh, donations? Oh, well, 902 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,600 maybe you could help us, then. 903 00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:12,960 You see, we're a bit short of cash, and I was wondering, 904 00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:14,840 seeing as how your appeal is doing so well, 905 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,000 if you could sort us out a few quid. 906 00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:18,880 -I'm sorry? -Just a few quid. 907 00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,120 Uh, just a couple of grand to help us out. 908 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,480 I'm sorry, Mrs. Matthews, but all the money raised here 909 00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:27,440 goes directly into the search and awareness campaign for Maddie. 910 00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:30,720 It's only a couple of grand, you got fucking loads there! 911 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:32,400 Karen! 912 00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:34,760 Mrs. Matthews, I'm sorry, but-- 913 00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:37,640 Give us some fucking money, you selfish bitch! 914 00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,040 You don't need it all, you've got fucking loads! 915 00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,000 I've got a missing kid, too! 916 00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:43,920 Just because mine's not blonde and cute, 917 00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:47,480 you think it don't matter that she's been abducted by a sex case? 918 00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,800 [mimics sobbing] My Shannon's missing! My angel! 919 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,760 My beautiful princess daughter! 920 00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:56,160 [in normal voice] Now give us some fucking money, you stuck up cunt! 921 00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:58,320 [dial tone] 922 00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:02,920 [Craig] So... how do you think that went? 923 00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,160 [doorbell rings] 924 00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:13,160 [man on laptop] ...go on, get your legs up, you big, fat shite! 925 00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,080 Move your fucking big club around... 926 00:48:15,240 --> 00:48:18,000 -[Karen] Oh, hello, Inspector Radgitt. -Shit! 927 00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,000 [George] Hello, Mrs. Matthews. 928 00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,240 The crowd is pretty much dispersed now. 929 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:23,600 Uh, I just need to pick something up, 930 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,000 then I'm back off to the station. 931 00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:26,080 Oh, well, what you after? 932 00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:27,640 Well, I just need your computer. 933 00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:29,120 Oh, but it's fucked! 934 00:48:29,720 --> 00:48:32,200 -No, it ain't. -No, I-- I could've sworn 935 00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:34,880 I heard you shutting down Windows when I was stood up at the doorstep. 936 00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:37,440 No, uh, that were me doing that. 937 00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:39,120 I'm always singing that tune. 938 00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:41,200 ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 939 00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:42,880 It's fucking well catchy. 940 00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:45,560 ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 941 00:48:45,720 --> 00:48:48,200 Ah! Aye, I suppose it is. Aye! 942 00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:51,320 Uh, anyway, I just need to take it to the station for analysis, 943 00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:53,720 so we can rule yourselves out of inquiry. 944 00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:55,640 Purely routine when someone goes missing. 945 00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:58,760 Don't be a dick! Give him your computer, Craig. 946 00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:01,000 But I'll lose out on me eBay bids. 947 00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:05,120 I'm winning Best of Mini Pops DVD compilation. 948 00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:07,760 Uh, we'll only need it for 24 hours, 949 00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:09,400 and I'll have it straight back with you. 950 00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,760 Give him your computer, you knob-end! [scoffs] 951 00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:16,240 -Be nice to get him off it for a while, Inspector. -Aye. 952 00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:19,560 Me crack hasn't had a service in weeks. 953 00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:23,040 Honestly, I tried to stick a tammy in it last week, 954 00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:24,960 and it felt like it were really knob. 955 00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:27,560 Ugh! Well, you, you don't have to go into that much detail-- 956 00:49:27,720 --> 00:49:29,120 So, it's just routine? 957 00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,520 Aye, lad. I'll have it back to you tomorrow. 958 00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:35,880 Okay. Uh, I'll just unplug it for you. 959 00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,080 [melancholic music] 960 00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:50,480 -There you go. -Ta, lad. Yep, I'll see ya, then. 961 00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:56,800 [George] That night, me head was swimming with information. 962 00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:58,680 -[siren blaring] -I knew summat weren't right, 963 00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,400 but couldn't quite put me finger on it. 964 00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:05,240 [echoing] My beautiful princess daughter. 965 00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:08,280 -Diddled by a nonce case. -[voice groaning eerily] 966 00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:12,560 Diddled by a nonce case. Diddled by a nonce case. 967 00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:16,200 -Best of Mini Pops. Best of Mini Pops. -Diddled by a nonce case. 968 00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:18,960 -Diddled by a nonce case. -Best of Mini Pops. 969 00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:22,200 -Me crack hasn't had a service in weeks... -Mini Pops, Mini Pops, 970 00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:23,480 Mini Pops... 971 00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,120 The next day, I went office. Just about to tuck into 972 00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:31,040 a pre-packed BLT sandwich for me breakfast, 973 00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:32,880 when I had an unexpected phone call 974 00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:34,760 from one of other officers on the case. 975 00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,000 Policemen doing house-to-house inquiries 976 00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:40,880 in nearby Batley Carr had a lead. 977 00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:43,920 -So I got over there as quickly as I could... -[siren blaring] 978 00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:45,960 ...and I were met by a young constable, 979 00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:49,320 David World, who'd just been transferred from down south. 980 00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:51,240 [upbeat whimsical music] 981 00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:53,240 Hello, guv. And we seen one female, 982 00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,800 thought she heard kiddies' footsteps in the flat above hers. 983 00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:59,560 Thing is, see, chap's daughters were taken into care a while back. 984 00:50:59,720 --> 00:51:01,920 All right, PC World. Hey, good work. 985 00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:06,240 -I'll take it from here, lad. -Uh, the flat belongs to a Michael Donovan. 986 00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:08,000 Donovan, eh? 987 00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:10,520 Well, I'll give him ten good reasons why 'e shouldn't be 988 00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:12,440 abducting kids on my patch! 989 00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:13,920 [distant muffled chatter on TV] 990 00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:19,440 I'm sure there's someone in there, guv! 991 00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:20,880 I heard the chain flush a moment ago, 992 00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:22,760 and then the theme music to Trishastarts. 993 00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:28,840 -[muffled chatter continues] -Mr. Donovan, this is the police. 994 00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:30,400 We need to speak to you. 995 00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:32,560 [birds chirping] 996 00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:36,800 Look, we know you're in there. We can hear Trisha. 997 00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:42,360 Mr. Donovan, are you watching Trisha? 998 00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:46,320 -This is your last chance. -Shall I kick his door in, guv? 999 00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:48,680 Aye. I don't care 1000 00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:50,560 whether he's watching Trishaor not. 1001 00:51:50,720 --> 00:51:52,120 Kick the bastard in. 1002 00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:55,920 [sharp crashing] 1003 00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:58,920 Right. You check front rooms, I'll check back. 1004 00:52:04,720 --> 00:52:06,680 [heavily breathing] 1005 00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:09,960 [suspenseful music] 1006 00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:12,600 My God! 1007 00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:16,640 -PC World, out here now. -What have you found, guv? 1008 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:19,720 Look, PC World, there's a long length of strong elastic 1009 00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:21,360 hanging from that beam of the loft. 1010 00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:25,040 It's as if someone's been keeping a small child tethered up. 1011 00:52:25,720 --> 00:52:27,680 Bit like a maltreated horse 1012 00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:30,440 or a goat or a dog! 1013 00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:33,160 R-- roger that, guv. But there's no time to waste. 1014 00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:35,360 While you're stood here naming tethered animals, 1015 00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:37,800 little Shannon could be getting fingered by a pedo! 1016 00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:41,160 Oh, aye, you're right! Wh-- where in the world could she be? 1017 00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:43,960 Where in the world, PC World? 1018 00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:47,240 Oh, what about the bedroom, guv? I know if I were a pedo, 1019 00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:49,840 w-- which I'm not, and I was gonna finger a kid, 1020 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:53,040 which I would never do, that'd be the first place I'd go. 1021 00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:56,120 Well, aye, oh, I like your train of thought, PC World. 1022 00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:57,600 Uh, but just out of interest, 1023 00:52:57,760 --> 00:52:59,920 where would be your second and third places? 1024 00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:03,560 Uh, with all due respect, I can't say I've given it a great deal of thought, guv. 1025 00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,560 But since you ask, probably an alley 1026 00:53:06,720 --> 00:53:09,040 or the toilets of a soft play center. 1027 00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:11,040 Uh, there's no time to waste! 1028 00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:13,680 Aye, well, I'd best get that bedroom door open. 1029 00:53:16,240 --> 00:53:17,560 [shakily breathing] 1030 00:53:17,720 --> 00:53:19,320 -[thudding] -[clattering] 1031 00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,840 [suspenseful music] 1032 00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:31,240 -There's no one in here, guv. -[Michael farts] 1033 00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:34,480 -PC World, was that you? -Negative, guv. 1034 00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:36,440 Sounded like it came from the bed base. 1035 00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:41,120 [scoffs] Mr. Donovan, was that you who just trumped? 1036 00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:43,440 -[Michael] No. Oh, shit. -[both laughing] 1037 00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:45,280 Let's have you out, then, Mr. Donovan. 1038 00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:47,200 [Michael] No, I'm fine here. Thanks. 1039 00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:50,120 Nah, come out now. We need to ask you some questions. 1040 00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:51,680 [Michael] But I'm rubbish at quizzes! 1041 00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:53,600 Can't you just leave me alone? 1042 00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:55,640 -Shall I get my truncheon out, guv? -Yeah, all right. 1043 00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:57,720 [Michael] All right, all right! I'm coming out! 1044 00:53:58,320 --> 00:53:59,720 Give us a second, though, will you? 1045 00:53:59,880 --> 00:54:01,400 That trump smells quite nice. 1046 00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:04,720 [deeply inhales] Mm, roast dinners! 1047 00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:06,600 Right! Out! Now! 1048 00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:10,800 [yelps] You're hurting! I haven't done anything! 1049 00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:13,600 Michael Donovan, I'm arresting you on suspicion 1050 00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:16,160 of the abduction, possible diddling, 1051 00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:19,200 and maybe murder of little Shannon Matthews, age nine. 1052 00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:21,520 Now, you do not have to say anything, 1053 00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:23,760 but anything you do say may be taken down 1054 00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:26,000 and used as evidence in a court of law. 1055 00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:30,840 Where's Shannon, Mr. Donovan? Have you murdered her? 1056 00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:34,080 Murdered her? What are you talking about? 1057 00:54:34,240 --> 00:54:35,840 -You see... -[groans] 1058 00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:38,120 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under my bed ♪ 1059 00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:40,480 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under my bed ♪ 1060 00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:42,760 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under my bed ♪ 1061 00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:45,000 ["Shannon Ain't Dead [She's Under My Bed]" by Kunt and the Gang] 1062 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,440 [PC World] ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1063 00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:49,800 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1064 00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:52,040 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1065 00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:56,760 [George] ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1066 00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,120 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1067 00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:01,760 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1068 00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:03,800 [skids] 1069 00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:06,000 [birds chirping] 1070 00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:09,880 [grunts and pants] 1071 00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:15,520 [Michael] ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under my bed ♪ 1072 00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:17,880 [PC World] ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1073 00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:20,400 [George] ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1074 00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:23,880 [Michael] ♪ We all have skeletons ♪ 1075 00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:29,520 -♪ In the closet but mine's not a skeleton yet ♪ -[George and PC World scatting] 1076 00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:33,320 [Michael] ♪ And there are many things♪ 1077 00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:37,040 ♪ That I've done in the past that I'd rather forget ♪ 1078 00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:39,240 [George and PC World scatting] 1079 00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:42,080 [Michael] ♪ But her mum said ♪ 1080 00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:45,200 ♪ That we could get a big reward ♪ 1081 00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,240 ♪ So I brought her 'round here ♪ 1082 00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:51,640 ♪ On the back seat of my Ford and I can't explain ♪ 1083 00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:55,040 ♪ What were going through my head ♪ 1084 00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:57,440 ♪ Shannon's alive yep, she's fucked up on drugs ♪ 1085 00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,640 ♪ But on the plus side she's not dead ♪ 1086 00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:03,520 [George and PC World] ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1087 00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:05,840 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1088 00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,360 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1089 00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:11,920 [Michael] ♪ We all have skeletons ♪ 1090 00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:17,120 -♪ In the closet but mine's not a skeleton yet ♪ -[George and PC World scatting] 1091 00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:21,040 [Michael] ♪ Yes, I've been keeping♪ 1092 00:56:22,720 --> 00:56:26,360 -♪ A chubby, missing girl in my flat as a pet ♪ -[George and PC World scatting] 1093 00:56:28,720 --> 00:56:30,240 [Michael] ♪ I had her tethered ♪ 1094 00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:35,080 ♪ To a beam up in the attic but I'd never murder her ♪ 1095 00:56:36,240 --> 00:56:38,120 ♪ Don't be so melodramatic ♪ 1096 00:56:38,280 --> 00:56:40,840 -♪ And I'm not a pedo ♪ -[George and PC World] ♪ Pedo ♪ 1097 00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:42,920 [Michael] ♪ Of that, I'm quite emphatic ♪ 1098 00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:45,400 ♪ Shannon's alive she hasn't been diddled with ♪ 1099 00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:47,600 ♪ And she's definitely not dead ♪ 1100 00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:51,560 [George and PC World] ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1101 00:56:51,720 --> 00:56:53,880 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1102 00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:56,440 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1103 00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:59,960 [Michael] ♪ We all have genitals ♪ 1104 00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:05,120 -♪ In our undies, but mine aren't a sexual threat ♪ -[George and PC World scatting] 1105 00:57:07,240 --> 00:57:09,200 -[Michael] ♪ If you say nipple ♪ -[George] ♪ Nipple? ♪ 1106 00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:10,760 -[PC World] ♪ Nipple? ♪ -[Michael] ♪ Nipple ♪ 1107 00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:12,920 ♪ I think of the country next to Tibet ♪ 1108 00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:16,720 [George and PC World scatting] 1109 00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:18,920 [panting] 1110 00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:23,320 You okay? You a bit hot? 1111 00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:25,800 No. Continuity. 1112 00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:28,760 [automated voice] Floor 1A. 1113 00:57:29,560 --> 00:57:31,000 [Michael] ♪ It got out of hand ♪ 1114 00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:34,080 ♪ When the old bill got involved ♪ 1115 00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:35,800 ♪ And then the papers said ♪ 1116 00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:38,800 ♪ They'd give a reward if it were solved ♪ 1117 00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:40,680 ♪ And I can't explain ♪ 1118 00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:43,640 ♪ What were going through my head ♪ 1119 00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:46,280 ♪ But if I'd have known you were coming 'round ♪ 1120 00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:48,480 ♪ I'd have kept her up me shed ♪ 1121 00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:52,360 [George and PC World] ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1122 00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:54,800 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1123 00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:57,160 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1124 00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:04,840 [panting] 1125 00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:06,640 [softly] Oh. 1126 00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:10,960 [both panting] 1127 00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:13,960 [footsteps approaching] 1128 00:58:14,120 --> 00:58:16,960 [all loudly panting] 1129 00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:23,040 Get this toothless simpleton in handcuffs, PC World. 1130 00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:26,720 Let's see how he'll likes being tethered up against his will. 1131 00:58:26,880 --> 00:58:30,800 -Actually, before you do that, can I finish wiping me arse? -Ugh! 1132 00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:34,640 You see, I was in the middle of a number two when I heard you outside. 1133 00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,160 I had to nip it off. 1134 00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:38,440 No, you can't. 1135 00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,120 You lost any rights to have a cleanly wiped backside 1136 00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:43,800 the moment you decided to kidnap a little girl. 1137 00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:47,240 Get him out of my sight, PC World. 1138 00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:50,600 The faint whiff of unwiped crack is turning my stomach. 1139 00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:54,440 Yes, guv. Come on, you filthy, disgusting, 1140 00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:57,120 snivelling, dirty bottomed piece of dog excrement! 1141 00:58:57,280 --> 00:59:00,120 Hang on. When do I get me half of 50 grand? 1142 00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:02,120 -[George] Huh? -[PC World grunts] 1143 00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:04,320 [upbeat whimsical music] 1144 00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:12,840 Shannon, love. Come on, y-- you're safe now. 1145 00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:15,920 -I'm a policeman. -[Shannon groans weakly] 1146 00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:18,720 Hey, I-- I bet you can't wait to see your mom. 1147 00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:22,120 [echoing Shannon screaming] 1148 00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:27,440 ♪ Pom-pom-pom, pom-pom-pom-pom ♪ 1149 00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:29,320 [siren blaring] 1150 00:59:30,040 --> 00:59:32,320 [George] So, I left Shannon in the hands of social services, 1151 00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:35,000 who were going to look after her for the next few weeks. 1152 00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:37,440 Help her to adjust back into normal life 1153 00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:41,400 whilst gently probing her for information about 'er terrible ordeal. 1154 00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:43,520 I, on the other hand, had the peachy job 1155 00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:45,880 of breaking the good news to Karen and Craig. 1156 00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:47,640 So I headed straight round there. 1157 00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:50,920 [indistinct chatter on video game] 1158 00:59:52,440 --> 00:59:53,640 Well, shall I get that, then? 1159 00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:55,840 -[engine revving on TV] -[chiming on TV] 1160 01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:05,760 Fucking useless fucking lump of dog shit. 1161 01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:09,680 -Oh, hello, Inspector Radgitt. [chuckling] -Hello, Mrs. Matthews. 1162 01:00:09,840 --> 01:00:12,080 Hey, I've got some very good news for you. 1163 01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:15,680 [Karen] Don't tell me. Those tight bastards, the McCanns, 1164 01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:18,320 have agreed to give us some of their cash. [laughs] 1165 01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:20,720 Oh, I'm only joking, Inspector. 1166 01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:23,040 No, no. We found your daughter. 1167 01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:25,600 -Oh. -[cell phone ringing] 1168 01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:29,360 Hey! I like your ringtone! Could you text it to us? 1169 01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:31,960 That'd be proper sound if you could sort that out for us. 1170 01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:34,920 -Hello? -Uh, Bluetooth it over if you like. 1171 01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:37,920 -[indistinct chatter on phone] -It don't cost fuck all. Look in your devices list. 1172 01:00:38,080 --> 01:00:40,800 My phone will show up as "A1 Mum." 1173 01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:42,520 -[man on phone] George, hello? -I called it that. 1174 01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:44,320 -George, are you there? -What's going on? 1175 01:00:44,480 --> 01:00:46,640 Just trying to get his ring tone! It's the bollocks. 1176 01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:49,200 -[indistinct chatter on phone] -Oh, you're joking! 1177 01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:52,520 [grunts] All right! Okay, I, I see. 1178 01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:55,080 -Oh, and they found Shannon. -Oh. 1179 01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:57,200 Would you like a cup of tea, Inspector? 1180 01:00:57,360 --> 01:01:00,040 Can't offer you a Viscount, that greedy bastard's eaten them all. 1181 01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:03,720 -But we've got some Garibaldis. -No, thank you, Mrs. Matthews. 1182 01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:06,440 Are you sure? Love a Garibaldi, me. 1183 01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:08,520 Oh, got the lot, I reckon. 1184 01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:12,000 Perfect balance between crispy and moist. 1185 01:01:12,160 --> 01:01:13,920 And the raisins count as one of your five a day. 1186 01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:16,640 [scoffs] No, no, I'm grand, thanks, Mrs. Matthews. 1187 01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:17,960 Hmm. Suit yourself. 1188 01:01:18,960 --> 01:01:21,200 So, would you like to know where she were found? 1189 01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:25,120 -Yeah, okay. -In a flat in Batley Carr. 1190 01:01:25,280 --> 01:01:27,280 [Craig] Oh, what a coincidence! 1191 01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:29,560 That's where me Uncle Michael lives. 1192 01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:32,240 Yeah, and that's where she were found. 1193 01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:35,440 Hidden under his bed. Him, with an unwiped backside to boot. 1194 01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:40,360 What? So she were at me Uncle Michael's all the time? 1195 01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:44,440 Aye. Well, I'm afraid that's not all we found. 1196 01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:46,720 -[stutters] What else were there? -What else were there? 1197 01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:49,240 It's your computer, Mr. Meehan. 1198 01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:51,160 You see... 1199 01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:54,520 ["You're A Paedophile" by Kunt and the Gang] 1200 01:01:59,440 --> 01:02:02,840 ♪ Mr. Meehan, your computer has been analyzed ♪ 1201 01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:05,400 ♪ We found a folder on your desktop ♪ 1202 01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:07,600 ♪ Which were not well disguised ♪ 1203 01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:09,600 ♪ It were named "Little Front Bottoms" ♪ 1204 01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:11,760 ♪ So when we looked inside ♪ 1205 01:02:11,920 --> 01:02:13,680 ♪ The pictures that we found ♪ 1206 01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:15,960 ♪ Didn't leave us that surprised ♪ 1207 01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:21,840 ♪ Those were not my pictures I've not seen them before ♪ 1208 01:02:22,400 --> 01:02:24,160 ♪ Sure, I've downloaded adult porn ♪ 1209 01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:26,360 ♪ Even scat, but nothing more ♪ 1210 01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:30,600 ♪ You coming down station because you broke the law ♪ 1211 01:02:30,760 --> 01:02:32,920 ♪ With your nudie pics of little kids ♪ 1212 01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:34,800 ♪ Levels one to four ♪ 1213 01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:43,240 ♪ You're a pedophile you're a pedophile ♪ 1214 01:02:43,400 --> 01:02:45,320 ♪ You've pictures of kids that's what you did ♪ 1215 01:02:45,480 --> 01:02:49,160 ♪ So you're a pedophile I can tell by your style ♪ 1216 01:02:49,320 --> 01:02:51,400 ♪ I think I've known for a while ♪ 1217 01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:53,920 ♪ That you do your beans on the under 16s ♪ 1218 01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:55,960 ♪ 'Cause you're a pedophile ♪ 1219 01:02:58,120 --> 01:03:00,240 ♪ Just face the facts and you're like Michael Jackson ♪ 1220 01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:02,280 ♪ 'Cause you're a pedophile ♪ 1221 01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:12,800 ♪ Perhaps it happened by accident ♪ 1222 01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:14,880 ♪ I clicked an erroneous link ♪ 1223 01:03:15,040 --> 01:03:18,800 ♪ Mistakenly downloaded JPEGs a minor showing pink ♪ 1224 01:03:19,320 --> 01:03:23,200 [George] ♪ Come off it, Mr. Meehan that's a crock of crap ♪ 1225 01:03:23,360 --> 01:03:25,640 ♪ You don't accidentally acquire pics of kiddies ♪ 1226 01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:27,400 ♪ Sat on a nude man's lap ♪ 1227 01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:33,840 ♪ Someone must've used me computer without me knowing ♪ 1228 01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:38,080 ♪ And downloaded pics of little kids with their privates showing ♪ 1229 01:03:38,240 --> 01:03:41,960 [George] ♪ Come off it, Mr. Meehan that's not true at all ♪ 1230 01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:46,480 ♪ I know you've been on theMini Pops DVD if you recall ♪ 1231 01:03:50,280 --> 01:03:54,400 ♪ I'm not a pedophile I'm not a pedophile ♪ 1232 01:03:54,560 --> 01:03:57,080 ♪ I had some pictures of kids that's all I did ♪ 1233 01:03:57,240 --> 01:03:59,000 ♪ I'm not a pedophile ♪ 1234 01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:01,000 ♪ You can tell by my smile ♪ 1235 01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:03,240 ♪ It'll be proved in a trial ♪ 1236 01:04:03,400 --> 01:04:05,440 ♪ Though a court case's looming I haven't been grooming ♪ 1237 01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:07,560 ♪ I'm not a pedophile ♪ 1238 01:04:09,760 --> 01:04:13,800 ♪ I'm not perverted I never inserted I'm not a pedophile ♪ 1239 01:04:22,560 --> 01:04:26,360 ♪ Craig, I can't believe the things they've found on your PC ♪ 1240 01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:28,800 ♪ I'm a woman with ladies' private parts ♪ 1241 01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:30,760 ♪ What is wrong with me? ♪ 1242 01:04:30,920 --> 01:04:32,840 ♪ I guess you deserve the truth, love ♪ 1243 01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:34,840 ♪ But don't you get upset ♪ 1244 01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:37,040 ♪ To be honest it's your big ginger gash ♪ 1245 01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:38,960 ♪ That drove me on the net ♪ 1246 01:04:41,400 --> 01:04:45,440 ♪ I haven't interfered with kids or abused your trust ♪ 1247 01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:47,000 ♪ I'm not their special uncle ♪ 1248 01:04:47,160 --> 01:04:49,680 ♪ I haven't got a perverted lust ♪ 1249 01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:53,600 ♪ I came across the pics online and so I saved a few ♪ 1250 01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:55,880 ♪ I'm not a nonce I just were bored ♪ 1251 01:04:56,040 --> 01:04:57,920 ♪ And it were something to do ♪ 1252 01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:06,320 ♪ You're a pedophile you're a pedophile ♪ 1253 01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:08,480 ♪ You've pictures of kids that's what you did ♪ 1254 01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:10,360 ♪ So you're a pedophile ♪ 1255 01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:12,320 [George] ♪ I can tell by your style ♪ 1256 01:05:12,480 --> 01:05:14,600 ♪ I think I've known for a while ♪ 1257 01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:17,000 ♪ You don't mind cocks or vaginas as long as they're minors♪ 1258 01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:19,120 ♪ 'Cause you're a pedophile ♪ 1259 01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:23,360 ♪ Your search history, my friend was like Pete Townshend ♪ 1260 01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:25,480 ♪ 'Cause you're a pedophile ♪ 1261 01:05:36,040 --> 01:05:37,080 [thudding] 1262 01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:42,360 [Karen] Craig! Oh, Craig, what have you done? 1263 01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:43,600 [melancholic music] 1264 01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:45,840 I can feel him slipping away. 1265 01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:51,280 Oh, why did we not listen to his cry for help? 1266 01:05:51,960 --> 01:05:54,000 Oh, Craig, what have you taken? 1267 01:05:54,880 --> 01:05:58,080 Looks like about half a bottle of Calpol, Mrs. Matthews. 1268 01:05:58,240 --> 01:06:00,080 -Craig! -Shit! 1269 01:06:01,600 --> 01:06:04,080 Craig Meehan, I'm arresting you on suspicion 1270 01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:07,440 of possessing indecent images of kiddies in t'nude. 1271 01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:09,200 Now, you do not have to say anything, 1272 01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:11,440 but anything you do say may be taken down 1273 01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:14,000 and used as evidence in a court of law. 1274 01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:18,640 -Can I bring my Nintendo DS? -No, you cannot! 1275 01:06:18,800 --> 01:06:21,720 You lost any right to play on portable gaming systems 1276 01:06:21,880 --> 01:06:25,560 the day you decided to download indecent images of naked kids. 1277 01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:27,720 Get him out of my sight, Inspector. 1278 01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:29,680 I can't bear to look at him. 1279 01:06:29,840 --> 01:06:33,640 [mimics sobs and cries] I've let a monster into me house! 1280 01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:36,440 I'm taking your Nintendo DS down Cash Converters this afternoon. 1281 01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:38,040 That'll fucking show you! 1282 01:06:38,200 --> 01:06:42,160 [wailing] No! 1283 01:06:45,720 --> 01:06:47,360 [siren blaring] 1284 01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:50,480 So, we had Craig Meehan and his uncle in custody. 1285 01:06:50,960 --> 01:06:53,480 It looked to any outsider like Shannon's disappearance 1286 01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:55,400 might be down to a straightforward 1287 01:06:55,560 --> 01:06:57,960 -uncle-nephew pedo ring. -[man] Oh, fucking hell-- 1288 01:06:58,120 --> 01:06:59,800 -[George] When we did the interviews, though... -[camera shutter clicking] 1289 01:06:59,960 --> 01:07:02,480 ...a very different story started to emerge. 1290 01:07:02,920 --> 01:07:05,880 Little Shannon told us that she'd had the best few weeks of her life, 1291 01:07:06,040 --> 01:07:09,080 off her tits on temazepam, being held captive at Donovan's. 1292 01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:11,440 She'd even started calling him "Dad." 1293 01:07:11,600 --> 01:07:14,240 Were on about both of them going off to Blackpool to live. 1294 01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:19,720 All right. Donovan were a couple of spuds short of a roast. 1295 01:07:20,200 --> 01:07:22,040 But he maintained 'e weren't a wrong un. 1296 01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:25,160 Summat still weren't quite right, though. 1297 01:07:25,920 --> 01:07:27,720 And that night, in me bed, 1298 01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:32,160 my mind raced over all things I heard over previous few weeks. 1299 01:07:33,040 --> 01:07:36,480 -[echoing] My beautiful princess daughter... -[voice groaning eerily] 1300 01:07:36,640 --> 01:07:38,840 ...diddled by a nonce case. 1301 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:43,120 -Diddled by a nonce case. Diddled by a nonce. -Best of Mini Pops. 1302 01:07:43,280 --> 01:07:46,560 -Diddled by a nonce case... -Best of Mini Pops. Best of Mini Pops. 1303 01:07:46,720 --> 01:07:50,360 -Can I finish wiping me arse? -Mini Pops. Mini Pops. 1304 01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:52,400 -But her mum said... -Fifty grand! 1305 01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:53,960 -...that we could get... -Bingo! 1306 01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:58,040 -...a big reward. -Fifty grand? Bingo! 1307 01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:01,840 -Bingo! Bingo! -Bingo! 1308 01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:03,360 [man] Oh, fucking hell! Fuck's sake! 1309 01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:06,360 [man on TV] Question then, relating to your food habits. 1310 01:08:06,520 --> 01:08:09,040 -[Reginald] Yeah? -[interviewer] Um, would you like to tell our audience, 1311 01:08:09,200 --> 01:08:11,320 what did you have for breakfast this very morning? 1312 01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:14,600 -Oh, everything. Yeah, as much as I could. Everything-- -[doorbell rings] 1313 01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:16,160 [interviewer] Could you-- could you list the items? 1314 01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:17,840 [Reginald] Oh, yeah. Yeah, I can do that. 1315 01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:19,760 Uh, uh, I had some sausages. 1316 01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:22,280 Twenty of them because I only had... 1317 01:08:22,440 --> 01:08:25,120 [Karen] Oh, hello, Inspector Radgitt! [chuckles] 1318 01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:27,240 Have you come with some news about the reward? 1319 01:08:27,400 --> 01:08:28,640 [George] No, I haven't. 1320 01:08:29,320 --> 01:08:31,360 Karen Matthews, I'm arresting you 1321 01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:33,800 on suspicion of kidnaping your own daughter, 1322 01:08:33,960 --> 01:08:36,160 little Shannon Matthews, age nine. 1323 01:08:36,720 --> 01:08:38,240 Now, you do not have to say anything, 1324 01:08:38,400 --> 01:08:40,360 but anything you do say may be taken down 1325 01:08:40,520 --> 01:08:42,720 and used as evidence in a court of law. 1326 01:08:43,360 --> 01:08:45,360 Put her in handcuffs, PC World. 1327 01:08:45,520 --> 01:08:48,160 -[handcuffs clicking] -But it were nothing to do with me! 1328 01:08:48,320 --> 01:08:51,760 [mimics sobs and cries] My beautiful princess daughter! 1329 01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:54,960 Save your crocodile tears for court, Mrs. Matthews. 1330 01:08:55,480 --> 01:08:56,640 You're gonna need them when everyone hears 1331 01:08:56,800 --> 01:08:58,520 the despicable things you've done. 1332 01:08:59,160 --> 01:09:00,480 But you can't arrest me. 1333 01:09:00,640 --> 01:09:02,880 I'm due on GMTV again tomorrow morning. 1334 01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:05,160 Over my dead body! 1335 01:09:05,320 --> 01:09:07,680 You can kiss Ben Shephard and core goodbye. 1336 01:09:08,200 --> 01:09:10,560 You lost any right to appear on breakfast television 1337 01:09:10,720 --> 01:09:14,560 the day decided to mastermind the fake disappearance of your daughter. 1338 01:09:15,160 --> 01:09:17,560 Besides, I doubt there'd be a parent in London 1339 01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:19,000 who wouldn't vomit their breakfast 1340 01:09:19,160 --> 01:09:20,720 straight back up from whence it came 1341 01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:22,400 when faced with the crimes that you committed 1342 01:09:22,560 --> 01:09:24,520 against that poor little lass of yours. 1343 01:09:24,960 --> 01:09:27,320 You know, when I thought about it this morning, 1344 01:09:27,480 --> 01:09:29,720 I had terrible trouble keeping me Shreddies down. 1345 01:09:30,480 --> 01:09:32,720 Why were you eating your breakfast with your shreddies down? 1346 01:09:32,880 --> 01:09:34,360 Oh, shut your cake hole, you! 1347 01:09:34,520 --> 01:09:36,240 You lost the right to make cereal based puns 1348 01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:37,920 the minute you kidnaped your kid! 1349 01:09:38,720 --> 01:09:40,240 Gosh, you make me sick! 1350 01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:42,160 Should I rough her up a bit, guv? 1351 01:09:42,320 --> 01:09:44,560 Oh, that would take some doing, lad. 1352 01:09:45,160 --> 01:09:46,920 Just get it out of my sight! 1353 01:09:47,360 --> 01:09:49,440 Just being around this lying ginger bint 1354 01:09:49,600 --> 01:09:51,440 is turning my stomach! 1355 01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:52,400 Oh! 1356 01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:54,480 [suspenseful music] 1357 01:09:54,640 --> 01:09:56,680 [indistinct chatter on TV] 1358 01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:04,120 [gasps, shudders] 1359 01:10:05,160 --> 01:10:08,240 Karen Matthews and Michael Donovan were interviewed. 1360 01:10:08,400 --> 01:10:09,560 Both blamed the other. 1361 01:10:10,080 --> 01:10:12,440 Matthews insisted she knew nothing about it, 1362 01:10:12,600 --> 01:10:15,160 -and claimed to not even know where Donovan lived. -[camera shutter clicks] 1363 01:10:15,320 --> 01:10:18,200 Even though a neighbor of his told us that she'd seen... 1364 01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:20,800 [pages rustling] 1365 01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:25,880 ..."a big, freckly ginger rotter knocking on his door." 1366 01:10:27,120 --> 01:10:30,480 Yeah, we found those vile pictures on Craig Meehan's laptop. 1367 01:10:30,920 --> 01:10:33,960 But Craig's Internet noncery turned out to be a red herring. 1368 01:10:34,840 --> 01:10:37,640 Forensics had checked over Shannon's "little front bottom" 1369 01:10:37,800 --> 01:10:40,960 with a fine tooth comb. And to everyone's relief, 1370 01:10:41,440 --> 01:10:44,160 -didn't appear to have been diddled with at all. -[cheers] 1371 01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:47,520 Karen and Michael were charged with kidnap, false imprisonment, 1372 01:10:47,680 --> 01:10:49,760 and perverting course of justice. 1373 01:10:49,920 --> 01:10:51,640 But in December, about nine months 1374 01:10:51,800 --> 01:10:54,080 after little Shannon had first been abducted, 1375 01:10:54,520 --> 01:10:55,960 case went to court. 1376 01:10:56,120 --> 01:11:00,880 ♪ Bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah-bah-bah ♪ 1377 01:11:01,040 --> 01:11:02,960 [indistinct chatter] 1378 01:11:08,800 --> 01:11:10,440 -[clacks] -[judge] Order! 1379 01:11:10,920 --> 01:11:12,520 -[man groans softly] -Order! 1380 01:11:15,200 --> 01:11:17,200 Please, continue. 1381 01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:19,800 Mrs. Matthews. 1382 01:11:20,360 --> 01:11:24,640 Is it correct that you instigated this plot so heinous 1383 01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:28,680 by turning up at Mr. Donovan's dwelling one morning in February, 1384 01:11:28,840 --> 01:11:30,200 while he was on the lavatory, 1385 01:11:30,360 --> 01:11:34,200 defecating some human excrement out of his anus? 1386 01:11:34,360 --> 01:11:36,880 I never! It were nothing to do with me! 1387 01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:40,240 Now I put it to you, Mrs. Matthews, that your impatience 1388 01:11:40,400 --> 01:11:42,880 at Mr. Donovan being thus engaged 1389 01:11:43,040 --> 01:11:47,600 led to you subsequently suggesting he wipe to beige! 1390 01:11:48,560 --> 01:11:51,080 I never! It were nothing to do with me! 1391 01:11:51,680 --> 01:11:54,600 So, Mrs. Matthews, after Mr. Donovan revealed 1392 01:11:54,760 --> 01:11:58,720 he fortunately had what he refers to as a "ghost poo," 1393 01:11:59,440 --> 01:12:02,520 is it true that you promised him a 50% share 1394 01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:05,360 in any reward money that would be forthcoming 1395 01:12:05,520 --> 01:12:07,680 if he participated in the abduction 1396 01:12:07,840 --> 01:12:10,440 of your daughter, Shannon Matthews? 1397 01:12:10,600 --> 01:12:12,840 I never! It were nothing to do with me! 1398 01:12:13,480 --> 01:12:14,680 Mr. Donovan! 1399 01:12:14,840 --> 01:12:16,680 [suspenseful music] 1400 01:12:16,840 --> 01:12:19,560 As Mrs. Matthews appears so reticent to answer 1401 01:12:19,720 --> 01:12:22,200 any questions pertaining to the case, 1402 01:12:22,360 --> 01:12:25,160 perhaps you are able to enlighten the court, 1403 01:12:25,320 --> 01:12:29,240 from the start, as to how you came to be discovered, 1404 01:12:29,400 --> 01:12:33,560 hiding along with a little girl, Shannon Matthews, age nine, 1405 01:12:34,040 --> 01:12:35,360 in your bed base! 1406 01:12:36,520 --> 01:12:40,560 Well, it were a bit like this. You see... 1407 01:12:40,720 --> 01:12:45,600 ♪ Bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah-bah-bah ♪ 1408 01:12:46,600 --> 01:12:48,320 ♪ Bom! ♪ 1409 01:12:48,800 --> 01:12:52,440 ♪ I were unemployed and skint I'd just finished me poo ♪ 1410 01:12:52,600 --> 01:12:56,520 ♪ A knock on the door I wiped me bum and saw Karen Matthews ♪ 1411 01:12:56,680 --> 01:13:00,280 ♪ After me daughters were took into care I needed to fill the void ♪ 1412 01:13:00,440 --> 01:13:04,280 ♪ So a kidnap scam for 50 grand why, I were overjoyed ♪ 1413 01:13:04,440 --> 01:13:08,440 ♪ When I hear these accusations it makes me feel distressed ♪ 1414 01:13:08,600 --> 01:13:12,360 ♪ I may not be the world's best mum but I try my fucking best ♪ 1415 01:13:12,520 --> 01:13:16,240 ♪ Don't judge me by the way I talk or the way that I am dressed ♪ 1416 01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:18,360 ♪ You wanna walk a mile in my crocs? ♪ 1417 01:13:18,520 --> 01:13:19,920 ♪ Well, be my fucking guest ♪ 1418 01:13:20,080 --> 01:13:22,320 ♪ 'Cause it were nothing to do with me ♪ 1419 01:13:22,480 --> 01:13:24,280 ♪ It were nothing to do with me ♪ 1420 01:13:24,440 --> 01:13:28,360 ♪ I didn't fucking do owt I were in, watching TV ♪ 1421 01:13:28,520 --> 01:13:32,400 ♪ I'll look you in the eye and tell you, I can guarantee ♪ 1422 01:13:32,560 --> 01:13:36,080 ♪ Look, I keep crying because I'm not lying ♪ 1423 01:13:36,240 --> 01:13:40,440 ♪ It were nothing to do with me it were nothing to do with me ♪ 1424 01:13:40,600 --> 01:13:42,600 ♪ Michael's a mentalist like Barry George ♪ 1425 01:13:42,760 --> 01:13:44,440 ♪ Even his name is fake ♪ 1426 01:13:44,600 --> 01:13:46,440 ♪ He changed it to be like the hero of V ♪ 1427 01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:48,440 ♪ He used to be called Paul Drake ♪ 1428 01:13:48,600 --> 01:13:50,440 ♪ You can't believe anything he says ♪ 1429 01:13:50,600 --> 01:13:52,440 ♪ He lives in a world of lies ♪ 1430 01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:54,400 ♪ I-- I wouldn't shit thee now fucking acquit me ♪ 1431 01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:56,560 ♪ I could murder a burger and fries ♪ 1432 01:13:56,720 --> 01:14:00,400 [Michael] ♪ We planned to go to Blackpool she didn't miss her mum ♪ 1433 01:14:00,560 --> 01:14:04,440 ♪ We just stayed in we had a grin we took temazepam ♪ 1434 01:14:04,600 --> 01:14:08,400 ♪ I promised her a candy floss donuts and ice cream ♪ 1435 01:14:08,560 --> 01:14:12,480 ♪ Then I popped up the shops and left her tethered to a beam ♪ 1436 01:14:12,640 --> 01:14:16,440 -[all] ♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ Living in my flat ♪ 1437 01:14:16,600 --> 01:14:20,480 -♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ I'm not denying that ♪ 1438 01:14:20,640 --> 01:14:24,280 -♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ We had lots of hugs ♪ 1439 01:14:24,440 --> 01:14:26,480 ♪ Oh, that's nice ♪ 1440 01:14:26,640 --> 01:14:30,320 ♪ 'Cause I liked the company and she were off her tits on drugs ♪ 1441 01:14:30,480 --> 01:14:33,920 ♪ 'Cause he liked the company and she were off her tits on drugs ♪ 1442 01:14:34,080 --> 01:14:36,320 ♪ But it were nothing to do with me ♪ 1443 01:14:36,480 --> 01:14:38,400 ♪ It were nothing to do with me ♪ 1444 01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:42,440 ♪ I didn't fucking do owt I were in watching TV♪ 1445 01:14:42,600 --> 01:14:46,240 ♪ I'll look you in the eye and tell you, I can guarantee ♪ 1446 01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:49,960 ♪ Michael Donovan snatched her to a beam, he attached her ♪ 1447 01:14:50,120 --> 01:14:52,120 ♪ But it were nothing to do with me ♪ 1448 01:14:52,280 --> 01:14:54,400 ♪ It were nothing to do with me ♪ 1449 01:14:54,560 --> 01:14:58,600 ♪ I know I'm not as eloquent as cunty Kate McCann ♪ 1450 01:14:58,760 --> 01:15:02,320 ♪ And I'm not as skinny we don't follow the same diet plan ♪ 1451 01:15:02,480 --> 01:15:06,280 ♪ And I haven't got her money more's the fucking pity ♪ 1452 01:15:06,440 --> 01:15:08,520 ♪ But, look I'm crying actual tears ♪ 1453 01:15:08,680 --> 01:15:10,440 ♪ Now fucking acquit me! ♪ 1454 01:15:10,600 --> 01:15:12,360 ♪ We shared a love ofTrisha ♪ 1455 01:15:12,520 --> 01:15:14,160 ♪ She started to call me "Dad" ♪ 1456 01:15:14,600 --> 01:15:16,480 ♪ In fact, it were the best three weeks ♪ 1457 01:15:16,640 --> 01:15:18,560 ♪ That we had ever had ♪ 1458 01:15:18,720 --> 01:15:22,360 ♪ Now Shannon's been took away I miss her chubby face ♪ 1459 01:15:22,520 --> 01:15:26,520 ♪ No one can take her place she left a void in my bed base ♪ 1460 01:15:26,680 --> 01:15:30,480 -[all] ♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ Living in my flat ♪ 1461 01:15:30,640 --> 01:15:34,440 -♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ It were Karen who planned that ♪ 1462 01:15:34,600 --> 01:15:38,440 -♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ We had lots of hugs ♪ 1463 01:15:38,880 --> 01:15:40,320 ♪ Aw! ♪ 1464 01:15:40,480 --> 01:15:42,000 ♪ 'Cause I liked the company ♪ 1465 01:15:42,160 --> 01:15:44,240 ♪ And she were off her tits on drugs ♪ 1466 01:15:44,400 --> 01:15:45,920 ♪ 'Cause he liked the company ♪ 1467 01:15:46,080 --> 01:15:48,320 ♪ And she were off her tits on drugs ♪ 1468 01:15:48,480 --> 01:15:50,280 -♪ It were him ♪ -♪ It were her ♪ 1469 01:15:50,440 --> 01:15:52,280 -♪ It were him ♪ -♪ It were her ♪ 1470 01:15:52,440 --> 01:15:54,320 -[Karen] ♪ It were him ♪ -[Michael] ♪ It were her ♪ 1471 01:15:54,480 --> 01:15:56,280 -[Karen] ♪ It were him ♪ -[Michael] ♪ It were her ♪ 1472 01:15:56,440 --> 01:15:58,280 -[Karen] ♪ It were him ♪ -[Michael] ♪ It were her ♪ 1473 01:15:58,440 --> 01:16:00,240 -[Karen] ♪ It were him ♪ -[Michael] ♪ It were her ♪ 1474 01:16:00,400 --> 01:16:02,200 -♪ It were him ♪ -♪ It were her ♪ 1475 01:16:02,360 --> 01:16:04,720 -[Karen] ♪ It were him! ♪ -[Michael] ♪ It were her! ♪ 1476 01:16:04,880 --> 01:16:06,200 ♪ Ooh! ♪ 1477 01:16:06,960 --> 01:16:10,080 ♪ Mrs. Matthews, you are going to jail where you belong ♪ 1478 01:16:10,560 --> 01:16:14,360 ♪ As all the evidence suggests it was your plan all along ♪ 1479 01:16:14,520 --> 01:16:18,360 ♪ You might as well face you have no case and you were in the wrong ♪ 1480 01:16:18,520 --> 01:16:22,040 ♪ As wrong as the image of you bent over in nothing but a thong ♪ 1481 01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:23,920 [shudders] 1482 01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:26,320 ♪ But it were nothing to do with me ♪ 1483 01:16:26,480 --> 01:16:28,360 ♪ It were nothing to do with me ♪ 1484 01:16:28,520 --> 01:16:32,440 ♪ I didn't fucking do owt I were in watching TV ♪ 1485 01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:36,360 ♪ I'll look you in the eye and tell you, I can guarantee ♪ 1486 01:16:36,520 --> 01:16:39,920 ♪ I didn't abduct her I suspect Michael fucked her ♪ 1487 01:16:40,080 --> 01:16:42,080 ♪ But it were nothing to do with me ♪ 1488 01:16:42,240 --> 01:16:44,480 ♪ It were nothing to do with me ♪ 1489 01:16:44,640 --> 01:16:48,480 -[all] ♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ Living in my flat ♪ 1490 01:16:48,640 --> 01:16:51,960 -[all] ♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ -♪ I never touched 'er rat ♪ 1491 01:16:52,120 --> 01:16:54,520 -♪ Oh! ♪ -[all] ♪ Shannon, Shannon ♪ 1492 01:16:54,680 --> 01:16:56,480 ♪ We had lots of hugs ♪ 1493 01:16:58,440 --> 01:17:02,280 ♪ 'Cause I liked the company and she were off her tits on drugs ♪ 1494 01:17:02,440 --> 01:17:04,040 ♪ 'Cause he liked the company ♪ 1495 01:17:04,200 --> 01:17:06,080 ♪ And it were nothing to do with me! ♪ 1496 01:17:06,240 --> 01:17:08,240 ♪ It were nothing to do with me! ♪ 1497 01:17:08,400 --> 01:17:10,800 [gong chimes] 1498 01:17:10,960 --> 01:17:14,160 [George] Karen Matthews and Michael Donovan were both found guilty 1499 01:17:14,320 --> 01:17:16,640 and sentenced to eight years each in prison. 1500 01:17:17,640 --> 01:17:20,880 Turns out Karen had masterminded the whole sordid plot, 1501 01:17:21,040 --> 01:17:23,280 and had known where Shannon were the whole time. 1502 01:17:23,760 --> 01:17:27,200 [sighs] All the tears and emotion just being a great big sham. 1503 01:17:28,080 --> 01:17:30,400 Aye, she'd sucked us all in, 1504 01:17:30,960 --> 01:17:34,440 but, uh, given the state of her, luckily not off. 1505 01:17:36,200 --> 01:17:38,640 -In a way, Karen's wish had come true. -[camera shutter clicking] 1506 01:17:38,800 --> 01:17:41,800 At last, she were famous, but not in a good way. 1507 01:17:42,320 --> 01:17:46,640 The press had a field day, and she were vilified like a ginger Myra Hindley 1508 01:17:47,320 --> 01:17:51,840 or Rose West or-- or Maxine Carr, but with eyebrows. 1509 01:17:52,520 --> 01:17:54,160 Uh, I, I know what you're thinking. 1510 01:17:54,320 --> 01:17:57,360 I'm stood here listing evil women of recent history, 1511 01:17:57,520 --> 01:18:00,200 and I haven't even told you what happened to little Shannon yet. 1512 01:18:00,640 --> 01:18:03,880 Well, I'm pleased to say she were taken into care 1513 01:18:04,040 --> 01:18:06,400 and is being looked after by a normal family, 1514 01:18:06,560 --> 01:18:09,280 who haven't tied her to a beam and loft, hidden her in a bed base, 1515 01:18:09,440 --> 01:18:11,160 and don't sit around eating Viscounts 1516 01:18:11,320 --> 01:18:13,560 while masturbating over child pornography. 1517 01:18:14,760 --> 01:18:17,280 PC World, me, and team all went out that night 1518 01:18:17,440 --> 01:18:19,440 for a few jars to celebrate result. 1519 01:18:19,600 --> 01:18:21,320 [gentle music] 1520 01:18:21,480 --> 01:18:22,960 To tell you the truth, it were good 1521 01:18:23,120 --> 01:18:24,600 -just to kick back and relax... -[indistinct chatter] 1522 01:18:24,760 --> 01:18:26,880 ...knowing that justice had been served. 1523 01:18:27,040 --> 01:18:29,880 [crowd cheering and laughing] 1524 01:18:34,040 --> 01:18:34,960 [thudding] 1525 01:18:36,080 --> 01:18:39,000 One of the sergeants, right, he booked a couple of strippers 1526 01:18:39,160 --> 01:18:41,800 who ended up sucking off some of the young constables, 1527 01:18:41,960 --> 01:18:46,360 while us old'uns just sat around and clapped every time one of them popped his load. 1528 01:18:47,000 --> 01:18:49,880 Oh! [laughs] 1529 01:18:50,040 --> 01:18:52,800 Go on, love, get it down ya. Ooh! 1530 01:18:53,360 --> 01:18:55,000 Ooh. [sharply inhales] 1531 01:18:56,200 --> 01:18:58,440 Now, that's what I call a happy ending. 1532 01:18:59,200 --> 01:19:00,240 [clinking] 1533 01:19:01,800 --> 01:19:03,440 [coughs, exclaims] 1534 01:19:03,600 --> 01:19:05,080 ♪ Pom-pom-pom-pom ♪ 1535 01:19:05,240 --> 01:19:07,040 Ooh, yeah! 1536 01:19:08,560 --> 01:19:13,320 "Dear Craig, I was pleased to hear you got released. 1537 01:19:14,240 --> 01:19:16,600 I'm really missing outside world. 1538 01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:19,240 Tea tastes like piss in here. 1539 01:19:19,400 --> 01:19:21,000 And there's no Viscounts, Penguins, 1540 01:19:21,160 --> 01:19:23,560 or even Blue-fucking-Ribands. 1541 01:19:25,080 --> 01:19:27,080 They've stuck me in a cell with a butch dyke 1542 01:19:27,240 --> 01:19:29,080 who keeps trying to get a glimpse of me piss flaps 1543 01:19:29,240 --> 01:19:31,600 every time I do a wee or a poo! 1544 01:19:32,240 --> 01:19:34,400 [sniffles] It's like my Ben Shephard 1545 01:19:34,560 --> 01:19:38,120 GMTV dressing room dream in a nightmare form. 1546 01:19:38,280 --> 01:19:39,600 [distant shouting] 1547 01:19:39,760 --> 01:19:41,600 Well, the prisoners all hate me. 1548 01:19:41,760 --> 01:19:44,200 Every time I leave the cell, they all gob at me, 1549 01:19:44,360 --> 01:19:48,280 call me terrible names like 'Ginger Pubes'... 1550 01:19:48,720 --> 01:19:51,560 [crying] or even worse, 'Mick Hucknall.' 1551 01:19:52,600 --> 01:19:55,160 They don't know what a great mum I were rest of the time. 1552 01:19:55,840 --> 01:19:59,360 People just judge you on one stupid mistake. 1553 01:20:00,480 --> 01:20:02,040 It's like Fred West. 1554 01:20:02,480 --> 01:20:04,720 I bet he had hundreds of satisfied customers 1555 01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:08,040 who were perfectly happy with the standard of his handiwork. 1556 01:20:08,760 --> 01:20:13,120 Then you make one bad decision and your reputation is fucked. 1557 01:20:14,280 --> 01:20:17,320 Well, fuck them! Fuck the fucking lot of them! 1558 01:20:17,480 --> 01:20:19,560 [melancholic music] 1559 01:20:19,720 --> 01:20:21,120 I've been thinking, Craig, 1560 01:20:21,760 --> 01:20:23,800 and I'd like to give us another go. 1561 01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:27,600 But I'm not worried about those pics of kids they found on your laptop. 1562 01:20:28,040 --> 01:20:29,880 At least there were no level five. 1563 01:20:30,400 --> 01:20:33,280 When I get out, I doubt they'll let us have kids back anyway. 1564 01:20:34,480 --> 01:20:36,320 In the meantime, we could get wedded, 1565 01:20:36,760 --> 01:20:39,000 and they give you a special room, where you can come 'round 1566 01:20:39,160 --> 01:20:41,600 and they give us a servicing. [chuckles] 1567 01:20:42,520 --> 01:20:46,080 If you do come, could you bring us in a bag of Frazzles? 1568 01:20:46,720 --> 01:20:49,080 Fucking gagging for some crisps! 1569 01:20:50,240 --> 01:20:53,240 Lots of love, Karen." 1570 01:20:55,800 --> 01:20:58,840 [Craig] Dear Karen, thanks for your letter. 1571 01:20:59,520 --> 01:21:02,080 I'm having trouble adjusting to life outside again, 1572 01:21:02,600 --> 01:21:04,880 chiefly because of the likelihood of me being attacked 1573 01:21:05,040 --> 01:21:06,280 every time I leave the house, 1574 01:21:06,440 --> 01:21:08,280 'cause of those bastard pictures. 1575 01:21:09,320 --> 01:21:11,080 I don't know why I kept them now. 1576 01:21:11,240 --> 01:21:14,080 Didn't even give us a hard on. Not even a semi. 1577 01:21:15,200 --> 01:21:17,480 Well, a bit of a semi, 1578 01:21:18,200 --> 01:21:20,520 but there weren't even a drop of precum on end of it. 1579 01:21:20,680 --> 01:21:22,320 [light ominous music] 1580 01:21:22,480 --> 01:21:24,440 I've been thinking as well. And I think we should 1581 01:21:24,600 --> 01:21:26,120 -give it another go. -[girl indistinctly shouting] 1582 01:21:26,280 --> 01:21:27,800 -Dickhead! -And it's got nothing to do 1583 01:21:27,960 --> 01:21:29,400 with the fact that no other bird around here 1584 01:21:29,560 --> 01:21:30,880 will touch me with a shitty stick. 1585 01:21:31,040 --> 01:21:32,680 -[indistinct shouting] -[gasping] 1586 01:21:32,840 --> 01:21:34,600 I'll try and visit you soon, Karen. 1587 01:21:35,400 --> 01:21:38,200 And I'll bring you a, a Bobby's Selection Pack 1588 01:21:38,360 --> 01:21:39,920 and some Tunnock's Teacakes... 1589 01:21:40,720 --> 01:21:42,040 ...if I can get me police guard 1590 01:21:42,200 --> 01:21:43,800 to stop off at garage on the way. 1591 01:21:45,120 --> 01:21:47,280 Lots of love, Craig. 1592 01:21:47,440 --> 01:21:49,480 ["Two Of A Kind" by Kunt and the Gang] 1593 01:21:56,600 --> 01:21:59,600 "Dear Craig, you see..." 1594 01:22:00,080 --> 01:22:03,560 ♪ My love, I am in prison but I will remain true ♪ 1595 01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:07,880 ♪ I won't suck anyone off I'll save myself for you ♪ 1596 01:22:08,400 --> 01:22:11,880 ♪ It's nice of you to say that you're prepared to wait ♪ 1597 01:22:12,040 --> 01:22:16,280 ♪ But surely it's full of birds so there's no one to fellate ♪ 1598 01:22:16,440 --> 01:22:20,160 ♪ But them birds are les-be-friends like the one I told you about ♪ 1599 01:22:20,320 --> 01:22:24,400 ♪ And they don't look like fussy eaters, so they might want to lick me out ♪ 1600 01:22:24,960 --> 01:22:28,440 ♪ I too will remain faithful then a deal we have clinched ♪ 1601 01:22:28,600 --> 01:22:32,840 ♪ Mind you I can't leave the house for fear I'll get lynched ♪ 1602 01:22:33,920 --> 01:22:37,480 [both] ♪ You and me we're two of a kind ♪ 1603 01:22:37,640 --> 01:22:41,080 -♪ I'm stuck indoors ♪ -♪ And to a cell I'm confined ♪ 1604 01:22:41,240 --> 01:22:45,240 ♪ People say you're a rotter but I say love is blind ♪ 1605 01:22:45,400 --> 01:22:47,560 ♪ Well, you are very short sighted ♪ 1606 01:22:47,720 --> 01:22:49,840 [both] ♪ And you're on my mind ♪ 1607 01:23:06,880 --> 01:23:10,080 ♪ We go together like strawberries and cream ♪ 1608 01:23:10,240 --> 01:23:14,360 ♪ Do you know what I mean? You and me are a dream ♪ 1609 01:23:14,920 --> 01:23:18,080 [Craig] ♪ You faked the abduction of your nine-year-old daughter ♪ 1610 01:23:18,240 --> 01:23:22,760 [Karen] ♪ You had nude pics of kids on your laptop that you didn't oughtta ♪ 1611 01:23:22,920 --> 01:23:26,800 ♪ You were prone to bouts of violence and threw beer cans at the kids ♪ 1612 01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:30,880 [Craig] ♪ You left your pants on the sidewalk, and they're always full of skids ♪ 1613 01:23:31,320 --> 01:23:34,160 -[Karen] ♪ Nobody's perfect ♪ -[Craig] ♪ You're certainly not ♪ 1614 01:23:34,320 --> 01:23:36,200 [Karen] ♪ And neither are you you little cunt ♪ 1615 01:23:37,400 --> 01:23:38,960 [both] ♪ But you're all that I've got ♪ 1616 01:23:40,160 --> 01:23:43,560 ♪ You and me we're two of a kind ♪ 1617 01:23:43,720 --> 01:23:46,040 -[Karen] ♪ You're stuck indoors ♪ -[Craig] ♪ And to a cell ♪ 1618 01:23:46,200 --> 01:23:48,120 -♪ You're confined ♪ -[Karen] ♪ People say ♪ 1619 01:23:48,280 --> 01:23:51,720 ♪ You're remedial but I say that's unkind ♪ 1620 01:23:51,880 --> 01:23:53,800 ♪ Although you are a bit special ♪ 1621 01:23:53,960 --> 01:23:56,120 [both] ♪ And you're on my mind ♪ 1622 01:23:56,720 --> 01:24:00,000 ♪ You and me we're from the same mold ♪ 1623 01:24:00,160 --> 01:24:03,800 -[Karen] ♪ Together forever ♪ -[Craig] ♪ To have and to hold ♪ 1624 01:24:03,960 --> 01:24:05,640 [Karen] ♪ People say that you're backward ♪ 1625 01:24:05,800 --> 01:24:07,960 [Craig] ♪ And that you're ginger and old ♪ 1626 01:24:08,120 --> 01:24:09,880 [Karen] ♪ But you'll be 30 in eight years you cheeky cunt ♪ 1627 01:24:10,040 --> 01:24:12,160 [Craig] ♪ And that's when you'll be paroled ♪ 1628 01:24:12,320 --> 01:24:14,080 [Karen] ♪ You'll be 30 in eight years ♪ 1629 01:24:14,240 --> 01:24:16,520 [Craig] ♪ And that's when you'll be paroled ♪ 1630 01:24:16,680 --> 01:24:20,680 [both] ♪ We're two of a kind and our story is told ♪ 1631 01:24:22,120 --> 01:24:25,760 [George] And that's little Sharon Matthews, age nine. 1632 01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:29,920 Good night. 1633 01:24:34,480 --> 01:24:35,360 [soft click] 1634 01:24:36,200 --> 01:24:38,120 [Karen echoing] Me crack hasn't had a service 1635 01:24:38,280 --> 01:24:40,080 in weeks... 1636 01:24:40,240 --> 01:24:42,280 [ominous music] 1637 01:24:47,840 --> 01:24:50,280 [upbeat music] 1638 01:24:51,640 --> 01:24:54,040 [reporter] Mrs. Matthews, is it true that you've never had a job? 1639 01:24:54,800 --> 01:24:56,040 -[Craig] Karen. -[PC World] Karen. 1640 01:24:56,200 --> 01:24:57,360 -[George] Karen. -[PC World] Karen? 1641 01:24:57,520 --> 01:24:58,400 -[man 1] Karen. -[woman 1] Karen! 1642 01:24:58,560 --> 01:24:59,760 [woman 2] Matthews! 1643 01:24:59,920 --> 01:25:01,440 [George] A big freckly ginger rotter. 1644 01:25:01,600 --> 01:25:03,960 I'm Detective Inspector George Radgitt. 1645 01:25:04,120 --> 01:25:07,040 Detective Inspector George Raggett at Yorkshire police. 1646 01:25:07,200 --> 01:25:08,840 I'm arresting you on suspicion of possessing 1647 01:25:09,000 --> 01:25:10,960 indecent images of kiddies in the nude. 1648 01:25:11,120 --> 01:25:13,400 -[Karen] Craig! Craig! -[woman 2] Craig. Craig! 1649 01:25:13,560 --> 01:25:15,800 -[Karen] Craig. Craig. -[woman 2] Craig. Craig. 1650 01:25:15,960 --> 01:25:18,720 -[Karen] Craig! -[George] Craig Meehan and his uncle, Michael Donovan. 1651 01:25:18,880 --> 01:25:22,200 Donovan. Donovan! Donovan. Donovan. Donovan! Donovan. 1652 01:25:22,360 --> 01:25:25,000 Donovan! Donovan? Hey! Well, I'll give him ten good reasons 1653 01:25:25,160 --> 01:25:27,480 why he shouldn't be abducting kids on my patch! 1654 01:25:27,640 --> 01:25:29,800 [PC World] Cunt! Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. 1655 01:25:29,960 --> 01:25:31,040 -[Karen] Cunt? -[PC World] Cunt. 1656 01:25:31,200 --> 01:25:32,560 [George] Constable David World. 1657 01:25:32,720 --> 01:25:34,640 [siren blaring] 1658 01:25:34,800 --> 01:25:36,800 ["Shannon Ain't Dead" [She's Under My Bed] by Kunt and the Gang] 1659 01:25:36,960 --> 01:25:38,560 [George] Where in the world could she be? 1660 01:25:41,600 --> 01:25:43,800 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under my bed ♪ 1661 01:25:43,960 --> 01:25:46,120 [George and PC World] ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1662 01:25:46,280 --> 01:25:48,680 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under my bed ♪ 1663 01:25:50,200 --> 01:25:52,120 ♪ We all have skeletons ♪ 1664 01:25:53,720 --> 01:25:57,360 -♪ In the closet but mine's not skeleton yet ♪ -[George and PC World scatting] 1665 01:25:59,520 --> 01:26:01,480 ♪ And there are many things ♪ 1666 01:26:03,080 --> 01:26:06,720 -♪ That I've done in the past that I'd rather forget ♪ -[George and PC World scatting] 1667 01:26:08,920 --> 01:26:10,360 ♪ But her mum said ♪ 1668 01:26:11,240 --> 01:26:13,440 ♪ That we could get a big reward ♪ 1669 01:26:13,600 --> 01:26:15,400 ♪ So I brought her 'round here ♪ 1670 01:26:16,240 --> 01:26:18,080 ♪ On the back seat of my Ford ♪ 1671 01:26:18,240 --> 01:26:20,080 ♪ And I can't explain ♪ 1672 01:26:20,920 --> 01:26:23,280 ♪ What were going through my head ♪ 1673 01:26:23,440 --> 01:26:25,640 ♪ Shannon's alive yep, she's fucked up on drugs ♪ 1674 01:26:25,800 --> 01:26:27,840 ♪ But on the plus side she's not dead ♪ 1675 01:26:29,600 --> 01:26:31,720 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1676 01:26:31,880 --> 01:26:34,080 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1677 01:26:34,240 --> 01:26:36,600 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1678 01:26:38,160 --> 01:26:40,080 ♪ We all have skeletons ♪ 1679 01:26:41,680 --> 01:26:45,320 -♪ In the closet but mine's not a skeleton yet ♪ -[George and PC World scatting] 1680 01:26:47,520 --> 01:26:49,360 ♪ Yes, I've been keeping ♪ 1681 01:26:50,960 --> 01:26:54,600 -♪ A chubby, missing girl in my flat as a pet ♪ -[George and PC World scatting] 1682 01:26:56,960 --> 01:27:01,520 ♪ I had her tethered to a beam up in the attic ♪ 1683 01:27:01,680 --> 01:27:03,280 ♪ But I'd never murder her ♪ 1684 01:27:04,560 --> 01:27:09,080 -♪ Don't be so melodramatic and I'm not a pedo ♪ -♪ Pedo ♪ 1685 01:27:09,240 --> 01:27:12,000 ♪ Of that I'm quite emphatic Shannon's alive ♪ 1686 01:27:12,160 --> 01:27:15,840 ♪ She hasn't been diddled with and she's definitely not dead ♪ 1687 01:27:17,600 --> 01:27:19,800 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1688 01:27:19,960 --> 01:27:22,120 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1689 01:27:22,280 --> 01:27:24,680 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1690 01:27:26,480 --> 01:27:29,520 -♪ Pom-pom-pom-pom ♪ -[siren blaring] 1691 01:29:10,040 --> 01:29:12,200 -[woman] Shannon, Shannon. -[George] Little Shannon. 1692 01:29:12,360 --> 01:29:14,560 -[woman] Shannon. Shannon! -[George] Shannon, love. 1693 01:29:14,720 --> 01:29:16,840 -Shannon, Little Shannon. -[woman] Shannon. 1694 01:29:17,000 --> 01:29:19,280 Shannon. Shannon! Little Shannon. 1695 01:29:19,440 --> 01:29:21,680 [George] Little Shannon Matthews. Little Shannon Matthews. 1696 01:29:21,840 --> 01:29:23,920 Little Shannon Matthews! Little Shannon Matthews, 1697 01:29:24,080 --> 01:29:26,040 -age nine. -[woman] Age nine. 1698 01:29:26,200 --> 01:29:28,520 -[George] Age nine. -[Karen] Age nine. 1699 01:29:28,680 --> 01:29:30,840 Me beautiful princess daughter, daughter... 1700 01:29:31,000 --> 01:29:33,240 Me beautiful princess daughter, daughter... 1701 01:29:33,400 --> 01:29:35,600 Me beautiful princess daughter, daughter... 1702 01:29:35,760 --> 01:29:37,880 -Me beautiful princess daughter, daughter... -Age nine. 1703 01:29:38,040 --> 01:29:40,200 -Me beautiful princess daughter, daughter... -Age nine. 1704 01:29:40,360 --> 01:29:42,600 -Me beautiful princess daughter, daughter... -Age nine. 1705 01:29:42,760 --> 01:29:45,080 -Me beautiful princess daughter, daughter... -Age nine. 1706 01:29:45,240 --> 01:29:47,600 -[George] Nine. Nine. -[distorted] Nine, ni-- n-- nine-- 1707 01:29:49,760 --> 01:29:51,920 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1708 01:29:52,080 --> 01:29:54,360 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1709 01:29:54,520 --> 01:29:56,800 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1710 01:29:58,400 --> 01:30:00,280 ♪ We all have genitals ♪ 1711 01:30:01,960 --> 01:30:05,600 -♪ In our undies, but mine aren't a sexual threat ♪ -[George and PC World scatting] 1712 01:30:07,720 --> 01:30:09,600 -♪ If you say nipple ♪ -♪ Nipple? ♪ 1713 01:30:09,760 --> 01:30:11,160 -♪ Nipple? ♪ -♪ Nipple! ♪ 1714 01:30:11,320 --> 01:30:13,360 ♪ I think of the country next to Tibet ♪ 1715 01:30:13,520 --> 01:30:15,560 [George and PC World scatting] 1716 01:30:17,080 --> 01:30:21,600 ♪ It got out of hand when the old bill got involved ♪ 1717 01:30:21,760 --> 01:30:24,120 ♪ And then the papers said ♪ 1718 01:30:24,280 --> 01:30:26,320 ♪ They'd give a reward if it was solved ♪ 1719 01:30:26,480 --> 01:30:31,320 ♪ And I can't explain what were going through my head ♪ 1720 01:30:31,840 --> 01:30:33,840 ♪ But if I'd have known you were coming 'round ♪ 1721 01:30:34,000 --> 01:30:36,040 ♪ I'd have kept her up me shed ♪ 1722 01:30:37,800 --> 01:30:40,000 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under my bed ♪ 1723 01:30:40,160 --> 01:30:42,360 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under his bed ♪ 1724 01:30:42,520 --> 01:30:44,760 ♪ Shannon ain't dead she's under my bed ♪ 145524