Original subtitles

Hey, Rick.

I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend.

You think you could help me out?

- Whatever. - Well, I mean, traditionally...

Science fairs are a father-son thing.

Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing.

Morty, I think it would be fun for you

to work on a science project with your dad.

Uh...

Yeah, dad. Why don't we do it together?

Yes! You backed the right horse on this one, son.

We'll get out the crayons, brew some coffee,

and knock this thing out in two or three days.

What is my purpose?

Pass the butter.

Thank you.

I popping I

Dad, I need a ride to work.

Maybe Rick can give you a ride.

I'm helping morty with science.

- I'm busy. - Doing what?

Uh, anything else.

What is my purpose?

You pass butter.

Oh, my god.

Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.

Since when do you have a job?

Since last week.

It's part-time at this little vintage thrift store.

My boss is this really smart, eccentric old man

that treats me nice and values me.

Meow. Can't wait to meet...

This fascinating character.

Please don't.

Oh. Well, when did this stop being jamba juice?

I've just recently opened for business,

mister, um, goldenfold.

You know my name?

That's disarming.

I also know you long for female company.

You know, it has been lonely since the divorce.

Some voids can't be filled with jamba juice.

This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women.

Free of charge.

One never pays here... Not with money.

Nothing to read into there. Thanks!

Sorry I'm late, Mr. Needful.

This is my grandpa, Rick. He was just leaving.

Huh.

Tell me, Rick, what do youdesire?

Eh, I make my own stuff.

So, what are you... Like, the devil?

- What? Sorry? - I don't know.

Store comes out of nowhere, all the shit's old and creepy.

Are you the devil? A demon? Leprechaun?

- Grandpa Rick! - Hey, I'm notjudging.

Just like shoot straight. I'm a man of science.

Ah, then perhaps you could make use of this.

This microscope reveals things beyond comprehension.

Grandpa, go home and drink.

Why don't we do a model of the solar system?

That's what my dad did with me when I was your age.

Oh, okay.

You know, Rick's in his lab, making cyborgs

and wormholes and all that weird stuff,

but this is real science.

A man and his boy, making planets.

Hey, how about we use a ping-pong ball for pluto?

And then Jupiter...

Uh, actually, I don't think pluto's a planet.

Of course pluto's a planet, son.

I learned that in the third grade.

Well, yeah, but you know they changed it.

Morty, nobody changed the planets.

I just googled it. Pluto's not a planet.

They changed it in 2006.

Yeah, I heard about that, morty.

- And I disagree. - You disagree?

That's right. It's possible to disagree in science, morty.

Pluto was a planet.

Some committee of fancy assholes disagree.

I disagree back. Give me a ping-pong ball.

Um, okay. I-I just have to...

Go find Rick and go over my head about pluto?

No. Geez!

I just gotta go to the bathroom. Damn.

Oh. Okay, good.

This is gonna be fun.

Hey, morty, let me—- let me...

Let me ask you a question real quick.

Does evil exist, andifso,

can one detect and measure it?

- Um... - Rhetorical question, morty.

The answer's "yes, you just have to be a genius."

Cute. Your sister's boss gave me a microscope

that would have made me retarded.

Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick.

I'm don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know?

Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled.

I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope,

it would have made me mentally retarded.

Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick.

I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for

powerful groups that are doing the right thing.

Well, that's retarded.

- What are you talking about? - Apparently, nothing.

You asked him if pluto's a planet, didn't you?

- No! - It's not.

- Shut up, Rick. - Whoa.

I don't care what anyone says.

If it can be a planet, it can be a planet again.

Planet. Planet, planet, planet.

Stay scientific, Jerry.

This aftershave made women want me,

but it also made me impotent!

A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold.

A price for everything.

[Gaspsi oh, my god!

How could I not see this coming?!

My lust!

My greed!

I deserved this!

This serum should counteract the negative effects.

Holy cats! Ladies, let's get out of here.

I haven't learned a thing!

Here.

You can have this back.

You didn't use it?

Sure I did... to develop this.

It detects and catalogs all your "twilight zone,"

ray bradbury, "Friday the 13th" the series

voodoo crap magic.

I thought you might want it so you didn't

accidentally sell anybody, say...

A typewriter that generates best-selling murder mysteries

and then makes the murders happen in real life?

- Ooh. - Be quiet.

Don't you want to make sure

people know what they're getting?

You're not intentionally selling...

Beauty cream that makes ugly ladies pretty

but also makes them blind?

I find this all quite preposterous.

Oh, I say, good sir. Oh, harrumph.

Oh, oh!

That's beautiful.

You know it's gonna be wearing you in three hours?

Do I need to call the police?

Here, you can use my phone.

Don't worry, it won't make you deaf

because I'm not a hack.

Hey!

You think you're fucking so great!

Stop it! No!

Fuck yeah, man.

Stop it right now!

Grandpa Rick, I like working here.

- You work for the devil. - So what?

- Both: "So what?" - Yes!

So what if he's the devil, Rick?

At least the devil has a job.

At least he's active in the community.

What do you do?

You eat our food and make gadgets.

Buh—bye.

Whoops.

I giggles I

I'm sorry, Mr. Needful. I'll clean that up.

I don't know what I can do about the ghost lady

- that came out of it, but... - It's fine.

Summer, you know, your grandfather's right.

This store curses people. That's my business.

Well, yeah. Fast-food gives people diabetes,

and clothing stores have sweatshops.

Is there a company hiring teenagers that isn'z'evil?

This is my firstjob.

You've been nice to me, Mr. Needful.

You respect me.

Please, call me "the devil."

I'd rather not, actually.

Yes, perhaps not during business hours.

I told you, I want to file a declaration

that pluto is a planet.

Well, then my son's going to fail his science class,

and when that happens, I'm suing you first.

I think I know what the "a" in NASA. Stands for.

- Dad, what's your endgame? - Ain't no game, sucka.

Why don't we just make the solar system with eight planets?

It's even easier.

Sure, sure, and why don't we just burn Galileo at the stake

for saying the sun is round?

Science isn't always easy, morty.

Whoa! Whoa!

What the hell?!

I'm king flippy nips, ruler of pluto.

We discovered you quite by accident

during routine surveillance of your world.

You really gave it to those guys at NASA.

I was —- you know,

sometimes science is about conviction.

It'd like to introduce you to a few people

that very much agree with you.

Oh, I...

Plutonians.

Jerry Smith is a scientist from earth,

where he's creating a model of our solar system.

Jerry, tell pluto about your decision.

Um... pluto's a planet.

Pluto's a fucking planet, bitch!

Oh, man. This is definitely gonna go to his head.

If it's athletic prowess you desire, principal vagina,