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I think everybody,
when they look in the mirror,
2
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:06,960
has got their mirror face,
and you can see them do it.
3
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,960
They look one way,
and then they look in the mirror,
4
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,960
and they change their face
BEFORE they look in the mirror,
5
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:15,960
to see they face they want to see
in the mirror.
6
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And I do that as well.
7
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,960
And then occasionally,
8
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,960
I catch myself in the mirror
BEFORE I've put the mirror face on,
9
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:27,960
and...it's generally
an unpleasant experience.
10
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WHIRRING
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Ooh!
CLUCKING
12
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POP
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Cheep!
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Woof! Woof!
15
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Oink!
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Moo!
17
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Right, girls. Let's talk about
how you look. Who's best-looking?
18
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,960
Ooh...
Julie's got lovely...
19
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She's twice the size of Claire.
Aw...
20
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Hey, thanks very much!
Julie and I have problems with hair.
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Well, I'm a freak of nature.
At least you haven't got a beard.
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(ALL GIGGLE)
No, I haven't got a beard.
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(ALL LAUGH)
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I can smile.
Haven't got perfect teeth nor nowt.
25
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I mean - my teeth's not perfect,
but I can smile.
26
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,320
With a 'tache, and that...
27
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:17,960
I can be - sure, I can be
the life and soul of the party.
28
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Ah, looks are nowt, really.
29
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:24,960
The look is very important to me,
yes.
30
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,960
But I don't know...I mean, you know,
I got laughing smiles,
31
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laughing lines,
whatever you call them,
32
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but no, not really.
33
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I'm not vain
from that point of view.
34
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I think it's...it's...
it's got to come from inside.
35
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You know, if you feel good
about yourself,
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you look good.
37
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If you listen to your own body,
38
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your body, your inner sense,
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will tell you
what you shouldn't be eating.
40
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But then...it's like bananas.
41
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I absolutely love bananas,
42
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but my body doesn't like bananas.
43
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I'm what I call
a funny sort of eater, really.
44
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,320
I'm the sort of eater
45
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:13,960
that sits about thinking about food
for a while,
46
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,960
and I might think about it
for a long time.
47
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I might think what it is
I'd like to eat,
48
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and then I might just go PAST
the time when I want to eat.
49
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,960
I sit about and think about it
a bit more,
50
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and then I go off to bed.
51
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,960
The Atkins diet -
there's like bacon, sausages,
52
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eggs, fried bread -
they call it the Atkins diet.
53
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That's why they call it
the Atkins diet.
54
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No, the Fatkins diet,
I think that one is.
55
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Two days later, I come out
and then I do some scarfing.
56
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I do a day's troughing
and slarfing and narfing.
57
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I do a bit of scarfing.
58
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And then actually, I eat a LOT.
59
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:58,000
Oh, I'm afraid I'm not anorexic.
I'm a little on the large side.
60
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,960
And...I suppose
if I could lose weight...
61
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:08,960
But then, you know, you can't make a
mouse out of a rat, can you, really?
62
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:13,000
So my physical appearance is...
I'm well covered.
63
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Nose job.
Oh, I've got a big nose as well.
64
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I'm afraid I...(GIGGLES)
didn't say about my nose!
65
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Thanks for pointing that out,
Hannah!
66
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You're supposed to be somebody,
you know...
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(LAUGHS)
Yes!
68
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Ha, ha, ha!
I'd like my nose to be made smaller.
69
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There's nothing wrong with your nose
or your face.
70
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It's a very good face,
71
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you've got a very good profile,
72
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and it's a VERY GOOD FACE.
73
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Thank you, Muriel.
You're my friend for life.
74
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Ha, ha!
That'll cost you something later.
75
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(LAUGHS)
76
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I can curl my tongue. Look.
(MUMBLES)
77
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You either can or you can't, though.
For some people it's impossible.
78
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,960
Mine curls more than yours.
What's the matter wi' mine?
79
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,160
Yours is half-curled!
Oh, she can.
80
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,960
No, he has his half-curled, Joe.
SLURPING
81
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:12,480
Mine is wrapping over. Each side
is wrapping over the other.
82
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It's not, it's sticking out.
83
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,960
I cannot see it, cos you've got it
stuck between your lips.
84
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Push it down!
LAUGHTER
85
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Well, they say if you make faces
and someone hits you in the face
86
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you stay like that.
87
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If something sticks out,
and doesn't make them look...
88
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,800
they'll never be popular,
the way they look,
89
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,960
I'm all in favour
of them getting plastic surgery.
90
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,960
But the ones you get it done for
sort of vanity, for vanity's sake,
91
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,480
"Oh, I want a cute little nose,
92
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,960
I want a cute little chin,
and get rid of me Adam's apple,"
93
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,960
that's just vanity.
I've got no time for that.
94
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,960
I mean, it's all these rich
film stars who get it.
95
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,960
And deep down inside,
sometimes I hope it all backfires!
96
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,320
Sometimes I hope they stand too
close to the fire and their face melts!
97
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,960
And I'd just, "Yeah,
it serves you reet!" Crackerjack!
98
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,960
Buttocks?
Botox.
99
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,960
But...Botox?
(LAUGHS)
100
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,960
I thought you said buttocks!
101
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:08,960
Buttocks is goot... um,
when it's large and nice and firm.
102
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,480
It's not very nice
when it's not there.
103
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:15,960
Buttocks? Long live...viva buttocks.
That's all I can say. Ha, ha.
104
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The more the merrier.
105
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Botox.
Botox.
106
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,960
Would you take it, though?
No, not really.
107
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,960
I don't want to straighten out
my wrinkles. Why would I want to?
108
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,960
They're straight.
I think they should give it
109
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,800
to them little Chinese dogs with the
funny faces, see what it's like.
110
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,960
That'd be interesting. You know
the ones with squeezed up faces?
111
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,960
I don't know what they're like. But
inject the Botox into its face.
112
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,960
Shouldn't have done it
to humans first.
113
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,960
Should have done it to dogs,
see what it looks like.
114
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,960
THEN you know if it works.
Right.
115
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,960
Well, actually,
I'm quite happy as I am.
116
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,960
(SNIFFS)
117
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What about, um, liposuction?
118
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,160
I don't know. It's not...
it's not happening to me.
119
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,320
It's not happening to me,
or my friends.
120
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,960
I don't know. Liposuction?
121
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,960
Pff...where did it come from?
Liposuction...
122
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,960
they put the jiggle from your butt
123
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,960
into your lips! Uh!
124
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,960
Oh, that's liposuction, is it? Lips?
125
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,000
Lipo-who?
126
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,960
No, I don't need liposuction.
My lips are full enough as it is.
127
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,960
That's what I'm blessed with!
128
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,960
No, it's when the suck the um, fat
out of you.
129
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,960
I answered the question. I said
my piece. I don't know what you...
130
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,960
Liposuction is when they suck
the fat out of you, isn't it?
131
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,960
No, well, liposuction is all right
if...if you have to do it.
132
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,960
Why would it be all right?
133
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,960
Why would anyone want to have lips
different from what they have?
134
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,960
No, liposuction - I mean,
suck the fat, sucked out of you.
135
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:49,960
It's the same thing!
No, no! It's not the lips, man.
136
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,960
You do some lips...what's the lips?
137
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,960
I just seem to remember
there was a time
138
00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:01,160
when that extra bit
of cush and comfort and jiggle...
139
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:05,960
was, um, the extra-silken layer.
140
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,640
You know - what happened
to that association?
141
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,960
I don't really want to change. I
mean, it's a bit late now, darling.
142
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:17,960
You know, um...
I think that I look bloody good,
143
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:21,960
and I...I don't want to change.
I'm happy the way I am.
144
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:25,160
I'm sure if I put a paper bag
over the top of my head,
145
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,960
I'd look a lot better.
146
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:32,960
But I tried that. The problem is,
you just keep bumping into things.
147
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,960
OK - don't do that.
Don't ruin your life.
148
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,960
Don't look ugly in the street, OK?
149
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,960
Please. It's not nice
for the environment.
150
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,960
Die young and stay pretty.
That's what I say!
151
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,960
I think it's better to be
old and wise, to tell you the truth.
152
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:49,960
I mean, young and beautiful -
it's nice to be young and beautiful,
153
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,960
if you want that sort of life,
but...
154
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,320
I suppose it's
nice to be young and beautiful
155
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,960
if you can move on
to being old and wise.
156
00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,640
Be young and beautiful, lose
your beauty a bit as you get older,
157
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,320
then become... it'd be nice to have
a bit of both, wouldn't it?
158
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,000
I think everybody should have
a Geordie accent and a 'tache.
159
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,960
Even the women. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
160
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:12,960
But...otherwise,
just be happy with what you've got.
161
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,960
And don't look in mirrors.
162
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,960
WIND HOWLS
163
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,960
Um, I'd like some more hair.
164
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,160
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165
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