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Warning,

if you want to watch a romantic comedy.

I'm sorry.

We should fuck.

If you want to be spoonfed the plot,

because otherwise you wouldn't understand the story.

I'm sorry.

If you're dumb.

I'm sorry.

If you're American, then I'm really sorry.

But if you are a lover of the art,

if you're willing to take risks,

if you don't need to know everything,

if you're willing to feel,

then the film starts in 10 seconds.

This is Vedrana Egon, she was born in Sarajevo.

She wrote and directed this film.

He loves me, he loves me not.

I love him not, I love him.

This was her boyfriend, Kyle,

a rich asshole.

This film was shot in the south of France,

Cannes and Mandelieu mostly.

This is Guillaume Campanacci.

He was born in Cannes.

Oh shit!

He is alive

He's also the writer and...

director of this film.

This is his real family.

He tried to kill himself

because of his ex-girlfriend Jennifer.

That's why he has bandages.

I'm not going.

So how is Hollywood?

Going great?

It's been a while since we've last seen you

Are you okay Guillaume?

Cheers.

What the fuck are you doing Guillaume?

Okay, let's get another drink.

Come over here.

You really have to do something.

People can tell something is wrong.

You're not the first nor the last person it happens to.

You will find love again.

Fuck love.

I'm done with love.

Listen, tomorrow is your sister's wedding.

Do it for her.

I'm a barely living example that it doesn't work.

Stop it.

Stop what?

Stop being this way.

Why?

You can't stay this way. This isn't you.

I like to feel this way.

Do something.

Do something.

It's better for you.

Lights, camera,

action.

Action.

Not bad, this little party.

Guillaume?

Oh my god!

Is this you?

Guillaume.

It's really you!

I'm so happy to see you.

How's Hollywood? Living the dream?

Look at this face.

Yes.

Pretty devil.

You're prettier than Alain Delon back in the days.

And Alain Delon is my favorite.

You know, he doesn't stop working.

Nobody is prettier than Alain Delon.

Who did you work with? Channing Tatum?

Bradley Cooper? Are they hot and beautiful in real life?

You must have so many interesting stories to share.

Tell us.

So?

You lost your tongue?

Right now I'm making a film with River Phoenix,

Alan Rickman...

David Bowie... Robbin Williams...

And Peter O'Toole.

Great.

Fascinating.

Where is your beautiful and mysterious fiancée?

That everybody speaks about.

I think she's coming right now.

So Tatiana, it's been a while you didn't see Guillaume.

This guy is crazy.

Crazy, crazy, fascinating.

Do you remember when we were teenagers?

Cheers

What about Tatiana accompanying you at our wedding?

Great idea.

What do you mean?

Your fiancée? And his fiancée?

The truth is she couldn't come.

She's working on a film.

You know actors.

It's a big project, so we cannot speak about it.

Such a shame.

A real shame.

Can you do that?

I'm gonna try at home.

Jean-Paul!

I'm gonna try.

Jean-Paul! Move.

He's insane.

He's loosing it.

That's because he's working on a new role.

You're very lucky.

Boring, boring, boring, boring.

Hmm.

Masterpiece.

That's crap, crap, crap, crap.

Not bad.

I believe you have something that belongs to me.

Hand it over or I'll shoot.

Please, end my misery.

Do you have a gun?

I just came with my dick

and my knife.

Guillaume, your turn.

Before I forget, your dad's results arrived...

His cholesterol is through the roof.

I know I told him to stop smoking but as he gained 10 kilos.

It would be best if he started smoking again.

Kiss your mum. And tell her to call me.

Take care of yourself.

Perfect.

Even better.

Wait.

Now it's even better.

Nathan, Alexandra, I declare you husband...

and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Who is this girl with your brother?

Wearing a wedding dress.

A wedding dress on this day, who's she?

She's making fun of us.

What about your son?

Wait a second, even as a mute, he scores.

I thought you wanted me to come with...

Guillaume because... His girlfriend couldn't come.

I thought she was stuck in America working on a film...

But it turns out she is here!

She came afterall.

A surprise.

Stop lying!

I'm tired! What is it? A game? It's not funny at all!

I'm tired of it.

You are horrible people the Campanacci family!

Thank you for nothing. I'm leaving.

What did the lady say?

Congrats Alex. You saw what you did?

Why isn't the lady happy? She wants a gift?

Yes.

Why?

I don't know, but she's not a gift.

You got scared?

No, I wasn't scared.

Good.

Well, she scared me.

Why?

She did like that to grandpa.

Jean-Paul, wake up.

Do you want a drink?

Please listen to me.

This is the wedding of my little lovely daughter, Alex.

The Beatles or The Stones?

Sex Pistols - The Cure.

The most beautiful woman in the world.

Anna Karina.

Anna Karina.

You scared me.

The most beautiful man in the world.

Alain Delon.

That's only because you don't know who Vlada Divljan is.

Nadal or Federer?

Rafael Nadal is the greatest that ever played the game.

He's God.

Alain Delon is God.

I much prefer Belmondo.

My daughter lost her name today, Campanacci.

Her name is now Dellemme. It's not a pretty name.

It's not pretty Dellemme.

It's not pretty Dellemme.

Campanacci, yes.

Everywhere I go with Sylvie...

What is your name? Campanassi.

Damn, it gives me the biggest diarrhea.

You cannot imagine.

Moreover, Cathy...

When she speaks about us she says Campanassi.

To imitate Sylvie.

And it gives me such diarrhea.

What's your name?

Campanassi. Campanassi.

Damn, Alex...

When I call Alex on the phone. She never answers., never.

I don't know why, never.

I never have my phone.

So I always get an answering machine.

She says Alexandra Campanacci.

And that I like! Whereas Sylvie says Sylvie Campanassi.

Can you imagine?

It's like Gucci, you don't say Gussi, you say Gucci!

A night I was walking in the alleys...

Close to the Cannes Film Festival.

Asphyxiated by the smell of their cigars...

And polluted by their luxury cars.

A dozen rich guys ate at a table.

I was wondering how their bellies didn't explode...

With all that Caviar, Champagne and Whiskey...

And the good Bouillabaisse of Provence.

A filmmaker gets out of the Palais, looking like Depardieu.

An enormous cigar in his mouth.

Farting, burping, disgusting...

Let's say drunk as a sailor.

He says to me, it's better to be rich...

and healthy than poor and sick.

And he left laughing out loud.

I pee on his shoes and I spit between his feet.

Did you enjoy the party?

I did.

Yeah?

Did you?

Yeah, it was nice party.

That didn't, that didn't sound real.

- No it was nice. - No, that's fake.

You're lying.

- Yeah. - No, it was nice.

- It was nice. - It was nice?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I. - You were lying.

I don't really like weddings.

Okay.

I can see that.

You can see it?

I mean, I can understand it.

I am not a big fan either.

So why the dress?

What do you mean?

It's just a white dress?

It's just a white wedding, wedding dress.

Are you gonna invite me for a drink?

Maybe.

I got a lot of books if you want,

in my room.

If I wanna,

- read them. - Read, read, read.

If you want to read,

- read them. - I'd love to read them.

And drinks too.

Drink them.

I'm in, it's a deal.

It's a deal?

What made you say yes?

The books or?

The books.

The books.

What if I didn't have books?

Then it would've been like, bye.

- Yeah? - See you later.

Yeah?

Aha.

You sure?

Aha.

I live here.

But you have books, right?

I do.

Magazines are books.

No, just books.

But it's the same.

It's, you read.

Not the same.

I've got both.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'm not lying, I have books, books.

Real books?

Book books.

But.

A book, book.

Yeah, what's funny?

Nothing.

A past life?

- Yeah. - That reappeared, huh?

I can see, I can understand that.

When we used to be young together.

The two of us?

Aha.

Did we?

I think so.

That's good to know.

Fuck me.

What did you want to do when you were a kid?

I just thought of that.

I was just thinking that.

Too late, I just asked.

I mean, it's insane.

Wow.

I.

Well, you have several,

you have a lot of different ones?

No, no, no, it's just, it's great.

I was thinking the same.

I always wanted to be,

yes many different things.

No, I mean, I always, I always loved performing.

I loved arts and I,

I always knew that my life had to,

had to involve that,

in some kind of capacity.

And I think that you shouldn't,

you shouldn't really do anything else

except what you always wanted to do when you were a kid.

You know what I mean?

Like, people always think that those dreams are so silly

and ridiculous and unachievable.

But,

my grandmother, she always supported all of my dreams

and she was the only one, I remember when I was four

when I announced to everyone

that I was gonna be famous and live in America.

And, you know, for a girl from Sarajevo,

that was like unimaginable at the time.

And everyone in my family was laughing at me.

And my grandmother just knew I would.

So wait, so that's one.

What else did you want to be?

My bed was way bigger before I met you.

Good morning to you too.

I got invited to a wedding.

♪ I want to make you see ♪

♪ Back in the ♪

I had sex last night.

Somebody just woke up.

Somebody just woke up.

Guillaume, this song is for you.

Who is crazy? Who is crazy in love?

It's me, oh yes!

Guillaume, let me see your pretty eyes.

I love you so much, baby.

What are you waiting for? Come.

Open the gate.

Guillaume?

I love you.

I'm here. What are you doing? Where are you going?

No, no, no, no, I dunno.

My parents had the hotel restaurant next door.

Eat Guillaume.

You want some?

Yes?

And when I saw her I fell in love.

- That's true, I used to fuck anything. - Nice.

For once, that was a pretty one and she still is.

- He only fucked ugly girls. - How old was your mum?

How old she was?

How old when she met your dad?

How old were you when you met dad?

- 21 - 21

Oh she was young?

And your dad?

- 24 - 24

They were two that night, which is not good...

When you're alone.

They were two.

When they came to the hotel.

So we brought both of them to Valentine,

in La Napoule Harbour.

I put on white pants, white shoes...

A dark blue shirt with panthers.

White, white pants.

White shoes and skirt with a.

With plenty of panthers.

When she saw me, my mum told me wow how...

Beautiful you are.

He says he went to.

Did your mom like him?

Gilles, I'm very surprised that your...

Mum said that.

Cause she was always so preppy.

Exactly, and I looked so good.

Your shirt must have looked weird.

Weird? Look at how you dress.

I wouldn't have liked your shirt.

You wouldn't have liked it.

Is she making fun of him?

Yeah.

She doesn't like him?

You liked him mum?

No, not at all.

Then I don't understand why you had two kids with me?

What didn't you like?

My style was more dark hair, hazel eyes...

Tanned skin...

A little bit like Guillaume. A lot like Guillaume.

Like Guillaume.

You asked, I answered.

So why have you been with me for almost 40 years, then?

You got better since.

What got better?

- Not you. - I don't care.

You should say children are a woman's job,

and then say something else.

I'm gonna be sweeping.

Like keep on talking gibberish,

I'm gonna keep on, like, sweeping

and then I'll come and be like,

you know, what is it that you do around here?

Cool?

Thanks.

Action.

What the fuck?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

Vedrana, what the fuck was that?

I'm gonna say children are a woman's job.

- No, no, no, no. - And then what?

No, keep on talking shit.

Like something or the other that a man chauvinist would do.

Like, just.

Lower.

Forty nine on one take two.

Action.

I can treat you to a nice dinner once you clean the room.

If it's really, really clean, we can go somewhere nice.

I can't.

I'm sorry.

What the fuck?

You're a fucking piece of shit.

You know that if I wasn't in character,

- I would fucking murder you. - Cut, cut.

You told me to say stuff.

On my way back from the office,

I'm gonna buy you a nice sewing machine.

Do you hear me?

I was expecting a thank you, at least.

You prefer a broom?

Or any kitchen utensil, you just tell me.

Make me a list, don't tell me now.

I don't like when you speak about these things.

My favourite kitchen utensil is a knife.

Mm.

Very useful.

Nice.

I like them too.

Children are a woman's job.

Really?

And what is yours?

What is it exactly you do around here anyway?

What do I do?

Do you ever ask yourself who puts the food on the table?

Oh I put the food on the table.

When was the last time you held the baby?

Let alone changed him or fed him?

Help with the dishes maybe.

Hey, that's an expensive broom.

Sorry, you were saying what?

When you only lay down in clean sheets,

wear clean clothes to work or.

Woman job, woman job.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

You still have not told me what your job is, precisely.

Listen, I slave at the office around the clock

and when I come home, I'm expected to do your job?

Come on, let's be serious.

You are expected to help

- raising the kid. - It's a joke, right?

It's a joke?

Raising a kid is not a job.

That's good.

Do you understand that?

I thought you were serious for a second, I was scared.

By the way, I can still hear them crying.

They're your kids too.

So do something about it.

Still crying.

Take your head outta your fucking ass

and do something about it.

Woman's job.

Yeah.

Do you, do you want me to buy you something

to help you do all these jobs?

Get out.

Get out.

There's the door, get out.

- I can still. - Now.

- I can still hear it. - Get out.

Still crying.

- So when you're done. - They're your kids too.

So maybe once in a while you take care of them.

Why?

'Cause they're your fucking kids.

Do you hear yourself?

I can still hear them.

They're your fucking kids.

Go and fucking pick him up.

- I can still hear them. - But no,

the only good thing that you know how to do

is pick up a fucking bottle and hide behind it.

You know what?

I'm fucking sick of you.

I'm sick of all of you.

When you're done with your feminist bullshit,

maybe you can do something useful like.

You have not seen a feminist yet.

- Make me a sandwich. - You have no idea

what a fucking feminist looks like.

Sandwich with carrots.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Okay.

- You change them. - Okay, what?

And I feed them.

Okay, what?

That's good for you?

Yes.

That's a yes, that's a yes, that's a yes.

Unscrew that, please woman, please Vedrana.

No?

Okay.

I'm gonna do it myself.

Can you hold it please?

It's okay, it's okay, I'm gonna put some of that instead.

Ah, whew it's good, good milk.

He's never gonna know the difference.

This is your idea of calming a kid.

Yeah.

We're not cut out for this job.

Oops.

This is the car James Dean died in.

Have to try my luck.

Wait, which day is today?

Sunday, I think - We have to find the a TV, now.

Let's find a TV.

If you don't like the sea.

If you don't like the sa... the sea.

If you don't like the mountain.

If you don't like the mountain.

- Go fuck yourself! - Go fuck yourself!

Vedrana, Vedrana, Vedrana.

Did you ever cheat on anybody?

Yeah.

Well, she probably deserved it.

Yeah.

I'm pretty good though.

Still, you didn't have to cheat.

Question?

Do you have a TV?

TV?

TV?

- No TV? - Yeah, you have a TV?

You have a TV?

Mm.

You have a TV?

They don't have a TV.

Maybe he doesn't.

TV.

No TV.

No TV.

No TV.

No TV.

No TV.

- No TV. - No TV.

- No TV. - No TV.

- Go buy a TV. - Find a TV.

We have to find a TV.

Where are you going?

To find a TV.

Find a TV?

You found a TV.

Okay, let's watch.

Oui.

Fuck.

I can't, I can't watch this.

I'm too nervous to watch.

Look, look.

You're fucking stupid.

What's going on?

Tell me what's going on.

Stop.

What are you doing?

- Come on. - Come on.

You need to quit smoking.

What's the score?

Do you even know how to count score in tennis?

Is he gonna win?

Yes.

Oh my God.

He won.

He won, he won, he won, he won.

- He won, he won. - He won, he won, he won.

Fuck yeah.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Ah.

Grab one.

Cheers.

Cheers.

I'm scared of that.

It's scary, scary, it's scary.

Make a wish.

I wish Nadal won.

Came true.

So wait, so that's one.

What else did you want to be?

I wanted to be an actress and a dancer,

and a painter, a writer.

Tennis player.

- Semantics. - V.

Logic 101.

No, I had I a lot of things I wanted to be.

Like most kids, I think.

What about you?

And I wanted to be a ballerina.

Did I say that?

You said dancer.

It seems close enough, I think.

I guess I'm a little drunk.

I wanted to be a drunk,

a heroin addict.

But that's after, after my whole period

of wanting to become an engineer.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Another wedding.

I made love last night.

Sir, madame.

I have very bad news.

You see this?

This is your spine and this is what could happen to you.

So you're gonna stay here a few more days at least, okay.

Sir, madame You make such a lovely couple.

Fucking boring, Sydney, boring.

Let's leave this party.

Do you know what's wrong with you?

No.

Absolutely nothing.

♪ I was your favourite thing ♪

♪ I was your favourite thing ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby, what happen to ♪

I can't imagine you being a,

an engineer at all, one bit.

Me neither.

But how did it happen?

I don't know.

My parents weren't that good.

I mean, they never did studies,

so it was important for them.

So I went for it.

And I was not too stupid,

so it took a long time for me to stop.

But it seems kind of sad that you did it for them.

- I didn't. - I mean, sad, it seems noble in one way

- and sad in the other. - It wasn't, no, no.

I didn't do it for them.

I had no idea what I wanted to do.

So I was good in that, so I went for that, that's it.

Nothing sad about it, not crying at night,

wondering if I should have done something else

- of my younger years - No, no, no, no.

I mean, maybe it helped you find yourself, you know,

in a different way.

I just couldn't picture you as an engineer.

But I think most people,

they kinda waste their lives.

Yeah.

Sober people.

No, you know what I mean?

Like, they never really follow their passion or

they don't even realise what their passion is

until it's too late or maybe never.

Fuck them.

- I don't care. - Compassion,

compassion is one word that describes you so well.

I don't have time to save everybody,

so I'll try with myself.

Says the guy who tried to commit suicide.

Sometimes.

Sometimes.

So what's next for you?

Next is, I hope you're gonna hand me back the glass.

No.

Very fast.

No, no.

- Otherwise. - I'm finishing this one.

That's my next move.

I'm serious.

- That's what's next. - I'm serious.

Me too.

Then take it.

Not too much is left.

You gonna waste amazing champagne?

No, no, I'm not gonna, no.

I'm not gonna waste it.

Did anyone tell you that you talk too much?

You don't shut up, ever, ever.

Alain Delon doesn't talk too much.

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

I found her diary

after she had moved out.

She made these pros and cons list about me.

That's what a great love of five years came down to,

a fucking pros and cons list.

Under the cons column,

She listed to sexual, bad dresser, some other nonsense

and boring.

You sleep like a model.

I realised I don't need love.

I don't really believe in love anymore.

And you snore too.

Alain Delon doesn't snore.

No, you're wrong.

She opened my eyes.

I used to be a sentimental fool.

Look around you, tell me how many stable,

loving, true relationships you know.

Future is ancient, you said.

Your voice opened up a new road before me.

Dark shadow across your face.

An imitation I don't take lightly.

I wanted to give you the comfort

I couldn't ever give myself.

Proof that the heart doesn't beat uselessly.

Oh, you wanted to.

You wanted me.

You wanted to be, but you weren't ready for me.

A homecoming.

You summon me up without clear intent.

But it was worth it,

it was worth it.

If only for the dance,

it was worth it.

It was worth it.

I will show you mine if you show me your,

scars, you said.

I thought to myself, if I do, I will never see you again.

But I showed him to you anyway.

Yes.

That night I did pretty much everything I said I'd never do.

Oh darling, the things you say, the way you look at me,

you will be the death of me.

You wanted to.

You wanted me.

You wanted to be.

But you weren't ready for me.

A homecoming.

You summoned me up without clear intent.

But it was worth it, if only for the dance.

The future is ancient, you said.

Guillaume and Jennifer are seated.

They're silent.

She's still wet.

Guillaume is lost for words.

No reaction.

Guillaume's eyes are empty.

She places her foot on his crotch,

moving her foot slightly.

He's clearly uncomfortable.

Hesitates then grabs her foot in an attempt

to stop her advances and starts massaging her feet.

She smiles.

Guillaume doesn't react.

She exits the room,

clearly enjoying parading around just in her underwear.

Are you okay?

I win.

Good morning, good morning, good morning,

good morning

good morning.

She's perfect.

Wait mum.

I'm giving you a haircut.

Wait a minute.

We're gonna eat crepes! Great!

Guillaume enters his room to find Jennifer

lying on her stomach, sleeping only in her thong.

He's surprised.

She wakes up the moment he enters the room

and it looks like it was probably a set up.

She stretches.

Guillaume still doesn't move away from the door.

I don't think I'm ready to become a father.

And we're definitely the furthest thing from a family.

We could do it here,

and you could be back on the plane in no time

She sits opening

and closing her legs nonchalantly.

Guillaume is caught off guard.

Jennifer breaks down in tears.

Jennifer approaches Guillaume and hugs him for a long time.

I just came to realise

I fucking hate you.

You are everything I despise.

You fucking hipster healer fake smile,

always positive, little manipulative bitch.

If Tibet is so great,

you should go and raise your mini monk there.

I met somebody and you will never be half the person she is.

I love her, you hear me?

I love her.

So now you take your fucking luggage and your thong

and you leave my fucking life.

Guillaume, she has to go.

Are you sure you're the father?

Maybe she's not even pregnant.

Pregnant or not she has to go!

- She has to go. - Yes, she has to go.

Already leaving?

What a shame!

Jennifer, no more yoga anymore?

So sad.

So sad!

You wanna come with me to Rome?

Maybe.

Where is Vedrana?

Where?

Stop speaking English! Where is she?

It's okay, I'm leaving.

Shock,

denial,

anger,

bargaining,

depression,

testing.

Acceptance.

I won't accept.

I believe you have something that belongs to me.

Hand it over or I'll shoot.

Please, end my misery.