Original subtitles

I am coming from Kenya.

I am visiting the UK.

And I have come to visit Buckingham Palace

because I do understand it has got a lot of history.

Anyone from the Commonwealth will just come here

and visit, and see for himself

how pretty the building is.

Wow!

The British royal family. Yeah?

What do they do?

I've no idea about royals. I mean, who are they?

You're really working hard on this!

(How can I make him understand?)

Ethelred the Unready was the first king of England, wasn't he?

And then there was the Vikings. 1066, wasn't it?

1066 was the year of three kings.

There was Harold...

Harold I, William the Conqueror and somebody in between.

Yeah, but there was a Norwegian...

One of 'em was Norwegian.

Came from Norway. Was he?

I don't know. I mean, like,

the family at the moment has got German descendancy, hasn't it?

How do they get German descendancy?

I think it's because of somebody was German.

Hmm. Dunno.

All I know is Prince Charles and I know the Queen.

And her husband.

A gentleman with big ears.

What's his name?

King Elizabeth III or something!

King the Husband of the Queen.

His real name is the Husband of the Queen.

Yeah? His first name is The Husband, the family name is Queen.

He's got big ears

and he always sort of... looks like that, you know.

Closes his eyes, going, "Yes-yes-yes..."

What do you know... Do you know anything about the royal family?

Yes! Yes! Yes! Erm...

Some's got a dog and a ferret.

(CACKLES)

(CACKLES)

(AMERICAN) Well, my name is Cliff.

This is my first trip to the UK.

Erm...

I'm immensely enjoying myself.

I came by here... Buckie - Buck -

Listen to me! -

Buckingham Palace.

I'm going to try to make it tomorrow early

so I can get a nice vantage point

to appreciate the Changing of the Guards.

(POSH MAN) There are in the Royal Collection

some extraordinary things.

And if you look at Titian, for example,

we very often find that,

over in some neglected corner,

there is a picture of a dog.

Wonderful.

Where I come from, joking about royals is not a funny thing.

You know, people go to prison,

they get locked up,

they get tortured, they get killed,

they get disappeared, they have sex changes.

They do many nasty things to them

because they talked about royals.

I think I'd better keep quiet.

I don't know. I don't like...

I think it should -

I think it should be slimmed down a little bit. Streamlined.

Slimmed down a little bit? A lot, in fact.

I'd like to see Prince Andrew get a proper job. Proper job!

I'd like to see 'em ALL get a proper job for a change.

I think the immediate family - I think the Queen -

In ASDA.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I think -

There's always a queen for the day!

(ENGLISH COUNTRY ACCENT) I met Princess Margaret.

I did meet Princess Margaret.

And she were a lovely young woman at that time.

She went off to the toilet, and as she went to the toilet,

she waved to the crowd like they do wave,

and I thought, well, that's the funniest thing I've ever seen.

The...the...

Royal Collection is subject

to the same sort of...

hazards...

as anything that is exhibited...

Um... the...

Yes. I don't think we'll go into that any further.

(INDIAN ACCENT) We were fascinated by the whole family,

because, like I told you,

sitting so far away, being such a tiny little island.

And here they were ruling us for 200 years.

It has been...

really surprising.

And have you managed to see the Queen?

Yeah, we saw her at Madame Tussaud's.

(ELDERLY MATRON) Things have changed over the years.

They've got worse. There's more robbings and muggings now

than there ever was.

Well, that's not to do with the royal family.

Have you seen the Queen on television just lately?

Yes.

Do you like her hats now?

No. Hm.

I like the colours they choose in the royal family.

And the fabrics. I don't like the cuts!

(LAUGHS)

I know they're not allowed to wear really funky stuff

cos they're a royal family.

But you know, why not?

You know, give 'em a bit of a funky look.

Layering is quite fashionable.

Why not the royal family does layering?

Like wear a T-shirt on top of a shirt?

It's quite fashionable, you know,

with writings on it, like,

"God Save Us for the nation."

(GEORDIE ACCENT) # Rule, Britannia!

Oh, yeah!

# Rule, Britannia!

# Britannia rules the waves

# Britain never never never shall be slaves

# Rule, Britannia! #

As you sing it, you can feel your fists tightening,

the hackles on your neck stand up,

and you get more and more forceful and sort of...vehement.

Could you just ask her

what she thinks of Buckingham Palace now she's seen it herself?

(FAR EASTERN LANGUAGE)

Ya ha.

She say it's wonderful, it's fantastic.

You know, fabulous, very good.

# Rule, Britannia!

# Britannia rules the waves

# Britain never never never shall be slaves

And it's like you feel your fists clenching,

and you want to bash somebody.

Because we're British,

and anybody tries anything,

we'll knock them oot! That's it, just knock them oot!

Well, I'm a Geordie anyway, but I'm still British. Champion.

(CACKLING)

Who's the Queen, then?

You!

(CACKLES)

What I notice is that when I watch old documentaries about the Queen,

and the new documentaries,

her accent has changed.

She's more, you know...

Before it was like, "Haw, la la la!"

But these days it's more like, "Hey, heh heh heh!"

So it's more like, you know, street language,

as if she's rapping.

The Queen? I think she is an absolute gem.

She's done so much for this country.

And, um...

Prince Philip, I think, in his way,

although he shoots people in the foot occasionally,

I think he means well, as well.

Charles, I think they ought to put him in a kennel.

(WELL-SPOKEN WOMAN) He's very spiritual.

If you listen to him and really take notice of what he's saying

instead of all this propaganda that's out there about him,

he's a very interesting man.

What - Charlie? Yeah. Really?

Yeah, he really is. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah...

I...

I think the best thing you could do

is put them all on their boat and cast 'em off,

and say "Go and find someone else to plague rather than us."

That's the best thing.

Put 'em on the boat and say,

"Off you go!

Probably someone else round here would love a royal,

but we don't need one.

So off you go."

Oh, I love 'em. Hmm.

We mustn't get rid of them, whatever happens.

It's our mainstay.

It's...

it's a wonderful thing to have them.

All of them.

Good, bad and indifferent.

Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com

Everything in here's lockable.

Doors all lockable. Windows all lockable.

Bloody disgraceful, innit?

Absolutely bloody disgraceful.

Hello?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0