Original subtitles

There's always that thing, isn't there, of families?

There are bonds that are very strong,

and loyalties and all those things

that hold the family together.

And they're usually balanced by...

pain and misery and...

um...

I mean, I really haven't got time to go into it -

it would take all day.

How do you get on with your...um...

brothers and sisters and mum and dad?

I don't get on with my sister very well.

I don't get on with my brother very well.

And I don't get on with mine at all.

But I get on with them all the time.

I sometimes get on with my mum and dad.

They sometimes get really GRUMPY!

(ALL LAUGH)

Introduce yourselves first of all.

I'm Brian. And I'm Keith.

We're brothers. Brothers, man. By blood.

Not by just the name.

(LAUGHS)

As brothers go, he's cool.

He has his..

has his unique ways, let's say...

you know...as everybody does.

Your family make you feel like it's a rollercoaster of emotion.

Some things are really joyous moments,

and others are fraught with, er...

fraught with...

desperation.

It's the rollercoaster ride of life, isn't it, really?

That end,

my wife and my daughter and I live.

Monica's got two children as well.

But hers live...

One at home and one in Reading. I got a son in Reading.

How did you feel when he left?

Well, he left the nest and didn't come back, really.

Is that one of yours as well? Yes.

(CHUCKLES)

I've got...

three children -

two girls and a boy.

And then I've got a boy and girl which are twins. And then...

I've got twin girls,

and they've got...

Three. Four each.

Four children each,

so I've got eight grandchildren from my daughters.

And at the minute

I've got three grandsons

and I'm hoping for a granddaughter,

soon, I hope!

(LAUGHS)

Well, he's got five and I've actually got...

Here, I've got Jasmine...

I've got Kay and Charlotte and Matt.

And I have another three in Swindon.

So I've got Jay, Jerome and Jessica

in Swindon.

So I've got seven.

Seven meals to get out...

plus our own...

plus our travel backwards and forwards

in between both.

In the morning...

it is sunny.

Yeah.

When I stand on my brother's toe,

by accident,

he tries to hit me in the head, on purpose.

Like this!

Oooh! (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

I normally give my little lad a punch,

and I give my daughter a hug.

And that's it, really.

I'm a Geordie and I'm rough and ready.

And they normally give us a bit of a punch back

or a bit of a squeeze, sort of thing.

And it's just great to see them.

Well, my eldest daughter

will be 68 this year.

Will she? She'll be -

And she is... beautiful.

Is she? Still beautiful.

Oh, good. Yeah. Well, every child is beautiful to their mother.

Oh, no. I've got three. I wouldn't say they're all beautiful.

Oh.

You can't tell what your children will look like

when they're inside there, can you?

(MUM SNORES) I mean, what's gonna come out?

Well, you know there's gonna be

a bit of you and a bit of her,

and you hope that what comes out

is gonna be the best bits of you and the best bits of her.

And if they could only come out

showing the best bits of both of you

then they'd be better than you, wouldn't they?

That's it, we want our children to be better than we are now.

So how many chicks have you hatched, then, do you think, over the years?

Hundreds and hundreds.

Hundreds, haven't we? Mmm.

But they must be so tiny.

It's amazing - Well, no, that's huge.

I was so surprised. Yes. I mean, the egg was about...so.

Mmm. It came out...

huge.

You just collect them, don't you?

Once you start, yes, more appears, and...

the more and more you get. (LAUGHS)

When the baby was born,

I looked at the baby,

and it was all wrinkly

and old-looking.

And I said, "Ooh,

what is that?"

My son's diabetic.

He gets highs and lows,

and one day he was really depressed with his diabetes.

He kept asking me and the wife,

"How come I'm diabetic and me sister's not?"

So I tried to cheer him up. I says, "I'll swap you any time you want.

I'll have your diabetes and you can have my Geordie accent."

He said: "No, I'd rather be diabetic."

I said, "You're joking, aren't you?"

It's great, ain't it - great?

He's very intelligent. He knows everything you're telling him.

That's what I like mostly about him.

You can tell him to go to his bowl.

And he'll go.

And he'll pick out...

a treat himself...

and he'll wander off and he'll eat it.

And whatever you tell him,

he'll understand,

sometimes better than a human.

And he never ever does it on the pavement.

(COUGHS)

Aw, cough it up.

Twinkle, little star.

Yeah, you know that song, do you?

Baa-baa, black sheep.

What's the other one? Twinkle, little what?

# Have you any wool?

What's that big thing in the s-

# Yes, sir, yes, sir, three bags full

# One for the master...

That's it, you can't shut her up once she gets going.

# One for the dame...

They just show that they love you.

It's like all of them, isn't it?

They've all got characters and they all show

that they rely on you to look after them.

I only gotta say, "Come on - bedtime," and they'll follow me.

They go for walks. Yes. Round the fields. Walk.

They just follow me.

I've been very lucky

to have children.

Well, so many.

Two husbands, you've had, haven't you? Or three?

Four children.

How many husbands? That's not the point.

Nobody asks me how many husbands.

And you will bring that up. Which is very wrong.

Are all the children to one husband?

That's a subject that is private.

Ah.

AWKWARD SILENCE

I've only had two.

Oh, you've had two. Well, I've only -

Children.

Oh. I thought you said husbands.

No, no.

Hmm.

I couldn't have a better dad.

I couldn't look up to anybody.

I couldn't see anybody

telling me how to live my life

any better than the way my dad did.

And I hope I can be just as good to my own children.

I try, but I don't think I could be.

I don't think anybody could be as good as my dad.

No, my dad's my hero,

without a doubt. Definitely.

That's it? Yeah.

Thanks a lot, love. Right-io.

No problem. Not at all.

Mummy? Yeah?

ICE CREAM VAN JINGLE

He's gone. The Okey Man.

"Can I have an ice cream?"

Mum? Yeah?

I want an ice cream. Do you?

Yes.

I want the one

we always get from the ice cream man.

What, a 99, you mean? Yes!

With a Flake?

Come on, we'll perhaps manage one of those.

A rainbow one?

No. No, you don't want that?

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