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I like seeing friends,
and just sort of...taking it easy.
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And er...
3
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just sort of er...
being comfortable,
4
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:10,960
but not extravagant.
5
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I like eating, drinking
and being merry, really.
6
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There's that as well.
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SLEIGH BELLS
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RIBBIT RIBBIT!
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CLUCK! CLUCK! CLUCK!
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CHIRP!
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WOOF WOOF!
12
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OINK!
13
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MOO!
14
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Christmas is celebrating
something to do with God, yeah?
15
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,960
But then again,
do you believe in God? You know.
16
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A lot of people don't,
but still celebrate Christmas.
17
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All goes round that sort of thing.
18
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So I think Christmas is a time
where people just goes mad
19
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buying people gifts
and stuff like that.
20
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CHILD: Christmas is...
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Jesus's birthday, I think,
22
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:03,960
but I think...
it's not the exact date.
23
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I think something else happened on
that date, but I'm not exactly sure.
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Christmas...
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I love... (GIGGLES MISCHIEVOUSLY)
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I go everywhere at Christmastime
with my mistletoe attached to my glasses!
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And then I can kiss all the chaps
that I come in contact with.
28
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I managed to get the caretaker...
Well, I didn't catch him because I had my mistletoe on,
29
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and he was in the car park
and I went up to him...
30
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and I showed him my mistletoe
and he ran! And he's a really fast runner and I couldn't catch him.
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(CHUCKLES HEARTILY)
32
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It's just the excitement...
33
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The excitement of actually er...
You know.
34
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Still get a thrill out of it
after all these years.
35
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Brings me back to my childhood.
36
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As I get older I like hearing
Christmas carols, that's nice,
37
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but if it's cold at Christmas
and there's snow on the ground, that's lovely.
38
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CHILD: # Jingle bells
39
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# Jingle bells,
jingle all the wa-a-ay
40
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# So much fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
41
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So...!
42
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,960
# Dashing through the snow
on a one-horse open sleigh... #
43
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I love dressing up. I love
dressing up for Christmas, yeah.
44
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The flashing earrings, and...
all the tacky stuff, you know?
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BELLS JINGLE
46
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I just like the atmosphere,
and seeing the kids' faces... Yeah.
47
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Always liked it.
48
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So... # Jingle bells, Batman smells
49
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,480
# Robin flew away...
50
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Oh.
51
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,960
# Da-da-da, da-da-da-da
52
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# Da-da-da-da, da-da-daaa #
53
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I used to love it when I was a kid,
54
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but I've been a bit busy
these past couple of years
55
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so I've not really noticed it. It's
just flown by and it's been gone.
56
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,960
And the telly's
so absolutely appalling.
57
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I feel really awful for saying that
cos I'm not miserable.
58
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Christmas Eve, we get off early.
So...
59
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I'll run around
all these mad places...
60
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,960
Sometimes you get jealous
61
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that everyone else is still
wrapped up in their beds
62
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and you're freezing cold,
but it's got its compensations.
63
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Being appreciated,
that's actually...
64
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,960
That's the nicest part,
when you are appreciated.
65
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I think it should go back to
the way it was, like the old pagan days, Christmas.
66
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Celebrating nature - just sit down
with a big plate of organic food.
67
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,960
Midwinter's feast
on winter solstice.
68
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She makes a marvellous cook... She
makes a big turkey, or chicken.
69
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There's a variety of pork as well.
70
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Little sausages wrapped in bacon.
71
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Little prawn cocktails
to start off with.
72
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I don't really enjoy
a proper Christmas meal.
73
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I used to like a nice bit of
turkey and stuffing
74
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and spuds and all the vegetables,
but...
75
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it's just salad and spuds
for me now, I'm afraid.
76
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Trifle. That's always good.
77
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I'm always starving.
So that's really what Christmas, I suppose, means to us.
78
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,320
There's always an argument,
isn't there,
79
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:16,960
and sometimes even the turkey
ends up on the wall.
80
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I think even if you hate turkey,
you've got to have it at Christmas.
81
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,960
I think it's the law.
82
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It's delicious, turkey.
83
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Turkey butties,
a bit of stuffing on it...
84
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You can't beat it, mate.
You cannot beat it.
85
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A bit of cranberry sauce on mine.
No.
86
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You can't beat that.
87
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,960
I do feel
I'm being pulled in all directions,
88
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erm...
89
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They're all going to get
a piece of me.
90
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And so we had the normal sort of...
you know, luncheon,
91
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and then sort of all
sat around playing a few games.
92
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,960
We had this great room
- cos we've actually moved since -
93
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but it was a converted barn.
94
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,960
And it was just one massive
old stone barn
95
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,960
with a snooker table in it.
96
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,480
(LAUGHS)
97
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,960
It turned out to be
a bit of a party, which er...
98
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,960
Less of the sort of family stuff,
more of the...
99
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"Let's have a great old time."
100
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,960
When I'm closing my eyes I go,
101
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,960
"One reindeer, two reindeer,
102
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:21,960
three reindeer..."
103
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,960
I count them.
104
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,960
And that's what makes me
go to sleep.
105
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,960
It's best if you're a kid,
cos then you ask for something
106
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like the new underwater er...man
107
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,960
with the special er...
108
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,960
tanks on his back and the flippers,
109
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:45,960
and instead of that you get
this big chemistry set, and you're six years old
110
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:50,960
and you've got 50 test tubes
full of chemicals to play with.
111
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,960
And you look at it and you go, "Oh."
112
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,960
"Thanks."
113
00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:01,960
As far as exchanging presents goes,
I've given up on that idea.
114
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,960
I think people get more stupid
with their money at Christmas.
115
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,800
You know, the amount of stuff
people buy...
116
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,960
I think they buy it
just for the sake of it.
117
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:15,960
They don't actually think, "This
is useful," you know what I mean?
118
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,960
You can get like a stocking...
119
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,160
Like a selection box,
120
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,960
but a selection stocking for pets.
121
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,960
Well, that's different than
sending your cat a card, isn't it?
122
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,960
Cos what can a cat do
with a Christmas card?
123
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,960
(SIGHS LAZILY)
124
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,960
Yeah. Can imagine a farmer
sending a card to his herd.
125
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,960
"For the cow at Christmas..." (!)
126
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,960
Yeah. Not to be confused
with the wife, or anything.
127
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,960
I'm obviously not crazy
with my presents.
128
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,960
But one thing
that I always, always give
129
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,960
- it's the best present,
cos I was given it myself -
130
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,960
that was my fondue set.
The best present in the world.
131
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,960
Great.
Yeah.
132
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,960
It's nice giving things.
133
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:06,960
I came across an old saying...
I love old sayings, they last because they're true.
134
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,000
"The grasping hand is never full.
135
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,960
To be full, the hand has to give."
136
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,960
The only thing I ever got given
to me cos I didn't want to buy it
137
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:17,960
was a pair of Y-fronts.
138
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,960
Well, it wasn't
a Christmas present.
139
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:25,960
But I can certainly give it
to someone for a Christmas present!
140
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,960
If you think it's tough for us,
imagine what it's like for Santa.
141
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,960
How many billions of people
does he have to deliver to?
142
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:37,960
And he does it in about four hours.
So he's a pretty cool guy.
143
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,320
And the size of him -
144
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:42,960
with his big fat belly,
I don't know how he does it.
145
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,960
(LAUGHS) Brilliant.
146
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,960
# Jingle Bells
147
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,480
I had one of my most startling,
not scary experiences ever,
148
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,960
I actually bumped into
- you mentioned a reindeer -
149
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,960
a deer or a reindeer
or a big animal.
150
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,800
It scared me, I scared it,
we scared each other.
151
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,960
Boom! Completely dark apart from
the light from the stars.
152
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:17,000
CAMP MALE: People say to you,
"It must be tough having to work all Christmas."
153
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,960
That is the sort of peak time.
154
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:25,960
And you can use all your
different skills, your comedy...
155
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,960
Your timing...
156
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,960
Happy birthday, Santa!
157
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,960
Ha-ha. Happy birthday...
158
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,960
Jesus.
159
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,640
Happy Christmas, everybody.
160
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,800
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161
00:08:44,850 --> 00:08:49,400
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