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1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:04,320
I'd like to be a bird.
2
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:06,800
Something like an Andean condor.
3
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,960
Lots of space, you know.
4
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,960
Big bird of prey,
something like that.
5
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,960
Soaring above the mountains.
6
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,960
And just looking down.
7
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Looking for your dinner.
8
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,960
A nice big albatross.
9
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,960
Knowing my luck,
I'll be reincarnated as a sparrow.
10
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,960
Ribbit! Ribbit!
11
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ROAR!
12
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,160
ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
13
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,320
CLUCK! CLUCK!
14
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,480
CHIRP
15
00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,640
WOOF! WOOF!
16
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,800
OINK!
17
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,960
MOO!
18
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,960
And birds go...
19
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,960
(RASPBERRY)
20
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,960
No, they go... Woooooo!
21
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,960
(RASPBERRY)
22
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,960
SINGING
23
00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,320
SINGING
24
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I like to put food out for them.
25
00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,640
Nuts.
Especially in the winter.
26
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,800
You see them in the trees
27
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,960
and they're looking a bit
nonplussed, aren't they?
28
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,960
But I put one of those
peanut things out recently,
29
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,960
thinking
I was doing them a good turn.
30
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:21,000
And it was, like, ten weeks later,
31
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,640
there was no visible sign
of any nut disappearing.
32
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,960
And I thought,
"What's this all about?"
33
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,960
I don't know.
34
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,960
Had you opened the bag?
35
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,000
Well, you don't open the bag,
do you?
36
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:39,640
They're supposed to go through
the bag, aren't they?
37
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,960
Yeah, I don't think bland
comes into our eating.
38
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:45,000
We're definitely...
39
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:50,160
What would you say? Gourmets
or gourmands, whichever word it is.
40
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,320
We like to indulge
41
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and enjoy the food, really.
42
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,960
I think there's a good variety
in what we eat.
43
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,640
Thai, Indian, Chinese.
44
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,800
French, Italian.
45
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,960
Whatever...
Traditional British.
46
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,960
As long as it tastes good,
I'll eat it.
47
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,960
Best of all, of course, is duck.
48
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,960
The only thing you can do
is not to make eye contact.
49
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,960
If you make eye contact,
it just has you.
50
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,480
You're easy prey.
You're a nice bit of meat.
51
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,000
Nice and small.
"I could soon whip him round!"
52
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,160
Perhaps that's what they do.
53
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,960
"He's vulnerable.
I'll have this one."
54
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,960
When you're up a tree,
55
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:32,800
you're head and shoulders above
all the buildings.
56
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,960
You can see the contours
of the land.
57
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,960
There's something
immensely liberating about that.
58
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,960
It's real freedom
to be up there in the wind.
59
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,960
How do birds stay up in the air?
60
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,160
Um...
It's all to do with aerodynamics.
61
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:52,960
And that's far too complicated
for me to go into now.
62
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,960
Some things aren't worth thinking
about, are they, like that?
63
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,960
Not all birds stay up in the air.
No, they don't.
64
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,960
If you dropped an emu
out of an aircraft,
65
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,960
it wouldn't stay in the air.
No.
66
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:09,320
The first time I flew myself,
I was scared silly.
67
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,960
(LAUGHS)
But I quickly started to enjoy it.
68
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,960
Every day, there's something new,
something different.
69
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,960
Got to keep learning.
70
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,960
Birds stay in the air through magic.
71
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,960
There's all these scientists
and naturalists
72
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,160
who think they've got it sussed.
But it's all magic.
73
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:30,960
You think it's sort of Peter Pan?
Have a happy thought?
74
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,320
Yeah, birds are happy.
And that's why they can fly.
75
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:37,480
It's brilliant.
When you're flying down the M6,
76
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,320
truckers flash their lights
when they see you.
77
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,640
There's no better feeling.
It's really free.
78
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,960
It's wonderful.
It's a wonderful feeling.
79
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,960
Yeah.
80
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,960
You gotta limber up,
you gotta loosen up.
81
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,960
Mmmm!
82
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,960
You gotta get all... Mmmmmmm!
83
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,960
You know what I mean? You've got to
warm it up before you let rip.
84
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,000
Yes, I've never flown.
85
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,960
'Cept I have jumped.
86
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,640
I'm very brave at some things.
87
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,960
I don't like to take off.
I like to land.
88
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,960
Me personally, I do like taking off.
89
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,960
You know, the pull of it.
When you're actually...take off.
90
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:19,640
Yeah, I do enjoy that.
91
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,960
Taking off. The surge,
the acceleration, the noise.
92
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,960
Once you're airborne
and everything's stabilised,
93
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,960
you're perfectly all right.
94
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,960
Obviously,
turbulence isn't much fun.
95
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,800
But it's not usually
anything to worry about.
96
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,960
I've never flown
in really bad weather.
97
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:40,960
If you've got that flying bug, then
I don't think you really lose that.
98
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,160
Doesn't matter how many times
you take off into a dawn,
99
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:48,000
or landing at sunset,
it's a special thing.
100
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,960
I've got the best sense
of direction.
101
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,960
Anne has got no sense of direction!
102
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,960
(LAUGHS)
None at all. Have you, Anne?
103
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,960
No, definitely not.
104
00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:00,960
Definitely not, no.
I haven't got a clue on direction.
105
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,960
How to get there, how to get back.
Haven't got a clue.
106
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,960
I could lose her round the block!
107
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,960
She won't be able to get back.
Definitely not!
108
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:12,480
Oh, well. Would we say
we've got a good sense of direction?
109
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:16,960
I mean, we're blokes. We don't have
to stop and ask for directions.
110
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:20,960
You never get lost, do you, blokey?
I've never been lost in my life.
111
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,800
I've been temporarily misplaced,
but never actually lost.
112
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,960
So I'd say I've got a good sense
of direction.
113
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,960
Without landmarks, I'm lost.
(LAUGHS)
114
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:34,960
Without landmarks,
I really am useless. (LAUGHS)
115
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,960
And you take a right!
116
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,960
And it's down there! (LAUGHS)
117
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,000
Myself personally,
I don't like heights.
118
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:46,320
We've never actually ever been
on what I'd call a long flight, no.
119
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,960
It's been four hours at the most,
hasn't it?
120
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,960
How I'd fare on a seven or 11 hour
flight, I just do not know.
121
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,960
I don't think I'd handle it very
well at all, to be honest with you.
122
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,960
Pigeons are vermin.
123
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,640
Sky rats,
that's what I call pigeons.
124
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,960
What we need is a few more
peregrine falcons round London.
125
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,960
Or hawks.
Sort them out, know what I mean?
126
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:12,960
But it's getting smaller and smaller
and smaller, the areas we can go to.
127
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,960
It would be great just to roar down
London's high street, you know.
128
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,960
Woo-hoo! Check me out, everybody!
I'm coming past you! Whooo!
129
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:21,960
That would be cool.
130
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,960
It's not the fear of flying,
it's the fear of crashing.
131
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,960
People say they're scared of flying,
they're not.
132
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,160
They're frightened of dying.
133
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,320
Funnily enough,
I've only actually been flying
134
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,480
about four times in my life.
135
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,640
I went to Italy in May.
136
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,960
That I found fine. I realised
it was an irrational fear.
137
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,960
But before that,
it was like a white-knuckle ride.
138
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,960
I do have quite a few fears
and phobias.
139
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,960
I don't like heights either.
140
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,960
But flying was a bad one for me
for a while.
141
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,960
But I'm fine with it now.
142
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,960
I don't think
I've got a fear of heights.
143
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,960
Maybe a fear of falling
from a great height.
144
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,960
But... Those...
145
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,960
Being up on a high place
doesn't give me the shivers.
146
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,960
Other things do.
CAR HOOTS
147
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,960
But not heights.
I've not got a problem with heights.
148
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,960
I actually fell through
a couple of skylights on roofs.
149
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,960
(LAUGHS)
I actually fell through the skylight
150
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,960
and dropped through
into the kitchen area.
151
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,480
They weren't happy. Not through
the fact I cut all my legs.
152
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:24,960
I had ruined their dinner.
153
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:28,960
He had a bad accident
about two years ago.
154
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,960
A flying one.
Crashed into the ground, didn't you?
155
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,960
Yes. (LAUGHS)
156
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,960
It was quite a turbulent day.
157
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,960
And er... I started spinning.
158
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,960
Mm.
159
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,960
I saw the ground coming up.
160
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,160
I was going to crash near people.
161
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,320
And broke my pelvis.
162
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,480
Oh, nasty.
163
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,960
Pelvis broke off,
came up and hit my ribs.
164
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,800
Ooh!
165
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,960
Did the ribs break as well?
Yeah.
166
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,960
It did?
The pelvis broke the ribs?! Ohhh!
167
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:02,160
Ooh! You're lucky
it didn't hit your head though.
168
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,320
Yeah.
169
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,960
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com
170
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,960
# BARBER SHOP WHISTLING
171
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,960
# BEATBOX
172
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,960
Actually, I find that one of
the most relaxing sounds there is...
173
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,960
Birds singing.
174
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,960
Yeah, lovely.
175
00:08:43,010 --> 00:08:47,560
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