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SQUAWK!
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I love this environment.
I mean, it's great fun.
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The one thing everybody has in
common when they walk through that door is they love their animals.
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CHIRP!
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WOOF! WOOF!
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OINK!
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MOO!
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Most pet shops are quite loud
because they have birds in them.
9
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They're always sort of singing,
if you can call it singing.
10
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Um... And there's lots of cages.
11
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Um... And sometimes if you... you
can put your finger through the bar
12
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and tickle whatever's inside,
like a rabbit.
13
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At the end of the day, most of it's
the ooh-factor, the ah-factor.
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It's, "Ah, look at that," you know.
"Cute little kitten."
15
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It's awful to think
that we're sitting there,
16
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waiting for somebody to pluck us
out of...out of the air
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and take us home
and keep us for ever.
18
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Um... At the same time, I'm never
brave enough to make the first move
19
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and go up to somebody and say,
"Right, you.
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How about taking me home
and looking after me, loving me and cherishing me?"
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I think...yeah.
Go for things that are obvious.
22
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Dogs and cats, and the like.
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There's all sorts of people.
They have things in their bathrooms.
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Alligators, and that sort of thing.
25
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Wouldn't have it in my bathroom,
I can say. Ha!
26
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No, I wouldn't.
27
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He's called Chester,
28
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and he is very long
when he stretches himself out.
29
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If you annoy him,
his eyes sort of widen a bit.
30
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I don't think I'm awful-looking.
I think I'm alright-looking.
31
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Um... People always say that
I've got very open, honest eyes.
32
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,960
So I think
I'd be pretty nice to have around,
33
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and have hanging about the place
on the sofa.
34
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I don't know.
35
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A lot of old nonsense,
I think, really.
36
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I mean, you need to spend proper
amounts of money on things but...
37
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You see some of these dogs
that people have about.
38
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No, you don't need to spend a lot.
39
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Dog toys? They love running
and fetching things.
40
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We've got balls on ropes. Lots of
dogs, especially the smaller dog,
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like a Yorkshire terrier, likes
a - (BALL SQUEAKS) - squeaky toy.
42
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SQUEAK!
That's a high-pitched one.
43
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Or just for a laugh,
we've got ones that'll go...
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BOIIIIIING!
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We went to a friend's last weekend
and...
46
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this poor little hamster's
in this wheel-thing.
47
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It had a little car.
It was a Volkswagen Beetle
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with a wheel in the middle.
49
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It actually, by working the wheel...
50
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..moved across the carpet.
51
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Poor old hamsters running round
on a wheel. Why do they do it?
52
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Because they're as daft
as a two-bob watch, I should think.
53
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Them poor bloody hamsters, thinking,
54
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"I could get out of here
in two minutes flat." Ha-ha!
55
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And then they find
they ain't going nowhere.
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Just like the rest of us.
57
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We're all on the bloody wheel
ourselves, aren't we?
58
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Dogs are just...stupid.
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(LAUGHS) Not as stupid
as stick insects,
60
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the most stupid creatures
in the world.
61
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"Look at me pretending to be a log!
Isn't that clever?"
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"Ooh, I'm a little twig.
Isn't that great?"
63
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Dogs are far better than that.
64
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I think cats make good pets.
65
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There's quite a lot of cats
with bad breath, though.
66
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That's what I don't like about them.
Cats? Yeah.
67
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I like stick insects. I had
a train journey, me and two stick insects. Brilliant!
68
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I know.
I'd very much like a stick insect,
69
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but not as
an intellectual conversationalist.
70
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I mean..."Hey,
have you seen my log impression?"
71
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"Yes." It doesn't go much further
than that.
72
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Stick insects don't have a developed
vocal tract. It wouldn't happen.
73
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I think, though, dogs are stupid.
74
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I don't really like snakes.
Spiders I can live with,
75
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but I've never touched a snake.
76
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I almost did, but no,
they're not our thing.
77
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I feel...isolated.
78
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I feel alone.
79
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I think I can hear something
scraping on the outside,
80
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and I don't know what it is.
81
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I... I'd like there to be someone
here with me.
82
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Snakes can be dangerous
to other pets.
83
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Um...
They can swallow things whole...
84
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..and they do eat mice
and small rodents...whole,
85
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without chewing.
86
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,960
Now, I like the furries
and the tortoises.
87
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,960
I've got tortoises.
I LOVE tortoises.
88
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They're still asleep at the moment.
89
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Sleep's really important to me.
90
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:02,960
Um...
91
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:07,320
I go through passages when I need
to have a lot of it. It's gorg-
92
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:11,320
I mean, come on, it must be
in the top three of everybody's list.
93
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,320
Your bed. You know, I mean,
top three, top two, top one.
94
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,960
Maybe the top. My bed. Wow!
95
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,960
Sometimes the pets,
when people are looking,
96
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will actually do something to say,
97
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"I'm the one you want."
98
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"Here I am. You want me. Have me!"
99
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It's like I've been sitting
on the bench with all my friends.
100
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,960
It's like being at a dance.
One by one, somebody's come up
101
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and taken them away.
Then there's just me.
102
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,960
How much am I worth?
103
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I would find it very hard
to put a value on that.
104
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,960
On a good day, I'd say
that I'd be worth a fair lump sum.
105
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,960
Do I say a million pounds,
or do I say ten million pounds?
106
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,480
I don't think I'm that valuable.
107
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,960
I think I'm worth about �142,
probably.
108
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,960
At the end of the day,
109
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,960
if you're the right person,
you can buy me for 10p.
110
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,800
But the rest of the time, on days
when I'm feeling a bit grumpy,
111
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:08,960
and I'm sort of er...
having an off day with people,
112
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,960
and I'm not in
my normal, friendly state of mind,
113
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,960
I wouldn't pay a penny for me.
114
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I'd throw me back
and choose another one.
115
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:17,960
Ha-ha-ha!
116
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,960
Could you put
a price ticket on yourself?
117
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No.
118
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,960
No. Not at all.
119
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,000
No.
I wouldn't even sell you.
120
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,960
I wouldn't sell you either.
121
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Aw!
Aw!
122
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I don't know if I'd worry
about being left on the shelf.
123
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,000
At the end of the day,
124
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,960
I've come through many years
of being on my own
125
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,960
and having a really great time.
126
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:45,800
I think if I was on my own
I'd just continue to live life.
127
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,960
If it was at this standard,
I couldn't complain.
128
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,960
I've sort of been on and off
the shelf, as they say, really.
129
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:56,960
There's been a time
when I thought I was on the shelf,
130
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,960
and then I got took off again.
131
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,480
Everyone gets rejection in life.
132
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:06,960
When you're younger, you're more
able to cope with that I think,
133
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,960
and bounce back and er...you know,
134
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,960
you're not on the shelf for long.
135
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,960
I know that...
136
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,960
it will be OK in the end.
137
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But I am very pessimistic.
138
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,320
Um... I think it's going to take
a long time
139
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,960
before I get out of here.
140
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,960
The icing on the cake would be
the partner or the companion
141
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:30,960
who would be there with me
for the next number of years.
142
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,960
And so I'm...nicely happy now
in my life...
143
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,960
..having been took off the shelf.
144
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,960
And that's, like, a nice family
that I'm in now.
145
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,960
And that's
a very comfortable sort of feeling.
146
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,000
Jill has a tendency,
147
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,960
um...most mornings, actually,
148
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,960
to claim that at some point
during the previous night,
149
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,640
I farted very loudly.
150
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:09,480
I think snakes and spiders
are more scared of you
151
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,160
than you are of them.
Ssssss!
152
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:22,960
I have a phobia of being shut
in an incredibly small space...
153
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with no light.
154
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,960
My ultimate... I mean, the idea
of being buried alive with no space,
155
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:29,960
in a box...
156
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,960
Oh, man...
157
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,960
Mmmm...
158
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,960
Zzzz...
159
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,960
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