Original subtitles

[music]

Boy, what did I tell you?

I'm not your maid, chef, nor your chauffer.

[Philip] Ma, are we really doing this?

I'm not even that late.

Ha, that was a close one.

Wouldn't want you to have to remake a sandwich.

Boy, when are you gonna start getting up in the morning

to your own alarm clock,

making your own breakfast, packing your own lunch?

Maybe Daniel's next Fast?

It's Daniel's fast, boy.

[Vinny] Come on Reggie, don't get mad at a player.

Because those ladies wanted to get a piece of me.

Those ladies were only all over you

because you fell down and played dead.

I'm always one step ahead of you, Reggie.

When's the last time you had mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

by 10 sets of lips in 10 minutes.

You better ask somebody.

Funny, Grandpa Vinny, but maybe you should wash out your mouth

with soap. That sounds unsanitary.

Why you still got the shower shoes on?

Oh, these aren't shoes. They're called slides.

So up top, it's like, "Ooh, I'm hot

but chill."

Don't waste your time on him, Philip.

He's a cornball. Look at him. Check him out.

Man, yeah, it's official. I made the flier.

Oh, that was actually my water, Dad.

Yeah, it's mine now. Beat it.

Next week's number six.

You might end up in the ring with Mayweather, baby.

I don't know about all that,

but I'm definitely about to end up in the ring.

Oh, you really into this.

What is all this?

"Cha-ching and Change Charity Fight tonight"?

What the hell is all this about?

Yeah, I get to fight for the charity of my choice,

raise money, win or lose.

So you getting paid to get your ass beat.

Whatever, I ain't even worried about it.

I been knocking out inanimate dummies in training for a month.

Everybody say that till they get hit in the mouth.

Vinny, would you have some confidence in my man?

What charity you fighting for?

I'm fighting for the Stripper Pure Foundation, babe.

Yeah, it's a foundation to help strippers

get off the pole and help them get a real career.

All strippers need to do is blackmail those politicians,

then they won't need no jobs, man.

Who you fighting, baby?

Landon "Bone Crusher" Dorsey.

That dude look like a beast.

Oh, yeah, he is. He is a beast.

Ooh. Um. Babe, is that who I think it is?

Well, who the hell is he?

-My ex. -It's her ex.

[music]

? No matter what you do I love you ?

? No matter where you go I'm behind you for sure ?

? Always remember Bloood ain't never water ?

? We'll make it if we stay together ?

Leah, it'll be exciting.

Jeremy will get to tough it out and show how much he loves you.

What if he loses?

He can't lose. He has you.

That other guy lost years ago.

That's true.

Uh, it's just awkward, you know?

I mean, back in the day, I had to make a choice

and I chose Jeremy.

And I'd do it the same all over again.

Good for you. You chose the best man.

Jeremy is a great provider.

And I'm sure, after all these years,

that Landon fellow wishes

he could do all that Jeremy can for you.

Yeah. Well, uh. Huh.

He has been on the cover of Forbes

and, um, retired at 31 as a dot-com millionaire.

And, supposedly, he owns

some palatial beachfront estate in Hawaii.

Shit, what are you doing with Jeremy?

With a body of a Greek god, does he need a live-in maid?

Miss Anastasia, he is married.

Do they need a live-in mer-maid.

You know, it's just Jeremy has compared what he can do

to what Landon can do for so long.

Well, that will give him even more incentive

to get into the ring.

And if he doesn't, I'll be happy to lay him...

-Oh. -Out myself.

[disgusted mumbling]

You shouldn't just shoot me down.

You should at least consider it.

I'm not training with you, Mr. Brown.

Why not?

Because your idea of training is two minutes of shadow boxing,

followed by two-and-a-half hours of all-you-can-eat lunch.

Yes, what's wrong with that?

You train for two minutes and you eat for two hours.

You renutrislize your body.

-Mr. Brown. A trainer? -[Brown] Huh.

Yes, a trainer!

You should talk some sense in him

because you know I was gonna fight Mike Tyson.

Shut up!

You shut up. I was gonna fight Mike Tyson.

Yeah, I was scheduled.

They had the fight, everything,

we had done fighting, had a bite-off,

and they said, "Um, Mike Tyson against Mr. Brown."

Mike Tyson backed off.

I said, "No, he don't want this."

Yeah, he backed up and went to beat up somebody else.

You gotta. That's how you get your punches in there.

Like that.

Mr. Brown, you really know about boxing?

Do I know about boxing? [high-pitched] What?

Bam. See? That right there,

look at that, that's called drunk boxing right there.

Jeremy, you're actually gonna get a trainer?

This sounds serious.

Yeah, he got to send a message.

What kind of message are we trying to send?

To let him know that he doesn't have it all.

No. To let me know that I am a good trainer.

Man. All right, Mr. Brown.

Why do I feel like I'm gonna regret this?

Okay. I'ma put this there. Okay.

First thing is to get you a core.

'cause you have a weak core. Look, see.

You got a weak core.

Now how I got this was I was doing jumping jacks.

Like this.

[effort grunts]

[effort grunts]

Good, baby.

That is not what I did!

Mm, hm-hmm.

That is not what I did. I did the... [effort grunts]

[both grunting]

Come on, you useless. You ain't gonna get it.

You finna get whooped.

Now, jumping rope is vital and important to boxing.

You get, look...

Anybody can jump rope like this.

Uh-uh, no. I teach my fighters

you can do this?

[Anastasia and Leah] Wooh!

Mr. Brown.

Come on, baby. Come on, you can do it!

Yeah. Ooh!

Reggie, face it, man. You are an L-7.

And you an F-minus.

Ooh, I'm an F-plus, you know, 'cause I'm a freak.

Whatever the ladies want.

Wait, wait, what's an L-7?

An L-7, take your hand and make an L with one hand

and then make another L with the other hand.

Now turn one upside down.

-A square. -He's a square.

Argyle socks, sweater over his shoulders,

the ladies look at him and go,

"Hell, no, Grandpa.

[sniffs] Is that Linimint I smell?"

It's okay, Mr. Reggie.

I mean, squares get girls too.

Just not the cute ones, no.

I was very popular with the girls in the chess club

and the classical poetry society in school.

Okay, so not the cute ones.

Vinny's right. I'm corny.

All right, come on, Mr. Reggie. You just a little outdated.

Behind the times.

You know, a little antique-ish.

-A little historic... -I get it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Maybe you could help me get a younger look.

Ah, I see.

I see, I see.

-Younger look? -Mm.

Some may call it drip.

One in seventeen men can wear what I wear.

I am the one.

You guys are part of the other 16.

-But this comes with a warning. -Mm-hmm?

You gonna have to follow some old ladies

and some cougars, man, I'm not gonna lie.

We're gonna start by getting rid of this.

And this. All of that, definitely that.

Shit, we gonna have to start all over.

Just throw it away now.

-I present to you Mr. Reginald! -[Vinny] Uh-huh.

[parade trumpet imitation]

-Ooh-wee! -Wooh!

[Philip] That's good right there.

Looking good, looking good. I like that, I like that.

You know what, Reggie? This might work

if you just stand there and shut up.

Keep your damn mouth shut.

I don't understand why I wear a T-shirt under a suit.

Okay, all right, all right, forget that, okay?

-Okay. -The main points,

-remember? Okay? The walk. -Yes.

Very important, right? Very important. Ready?

Watch me. You ready?

See if you can do that.

See what you got.

Oh, he walk like the money.

[Philip] Good. Why are you so stiff?

-I'm... -[Philip] Okay, look.

It's an attitude, okay?

You don't see them. You don't see them, right?

Ready?

No, no, no. You're not blind.

-Just forget that, right? -Okay.

Just say, "What's up, shorty?"

What's up, shorty?

'Sup, shorty? Sup, shorty? 'Sup, shorty?

You gonna say it that many times?

Just one time, one time is fine. Okay?

Cool, cool. Remember? Think cool.

Reggie, Reggie, Reggie, you're trying to woo the women.

Not shoo the women, okay?

All right.

'Sup, shorty?

-I can't lie, that was better. -Much better.

-Dance move. -[Vinny] I got it, I got it.

-My counterpart, go ahead. -I got it, I got it.

-What you wanna do... -Right?

Spread 'em out just a little like that.

One's in the back. One back there.

And then give me a little shoulder right there.

Get a little of that. There you go. There you go.

That's all you gotta do. You gotta look 'em in the eye.

-What your name is? -What your name is?

What your name is?

Bam, bam, bam.

Bam. There you go. And double up.

Sometimes double up. Double up. There you go.

You know you don't even need an imaginary beat.

He not even on the beat.

If you want a more youthful approach, right,

a little something like this, all right?

A little something like that, okay?

-Yeah. -Okay.

[Vinny] What the. I'm with ya, I'm gone too.

What? No I got it! Check it out.

Babe, baby, haven't you had enough?

Baby, it's never enough when you trying to win.

This is supposed to be fun.

I'm gonna have a lot of fun kicking your ex's ass.

That was over 25 years ago, Jeremy.

We both have happy lives.

Yeah, my life about to be happier.

All right? I'm about to beat him up.

All that bragging he used to do back in the day

about everything he got. Who cares?

Okay, all of that and he still didn't get me.

That's 'cause I got something that money can't buy.

What you- Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, and who needs all that extra stuff, right?

You are just fine working a regular job

for regular folks, doing regular stuff,

on regular days, you know, just regular, you know?

Thanks? Yeah. You got it, baby.

Mr. Brown, what are you doing?

Yeah, I'm here for our next training session.

In a gi? This is boxing.

Well, I have special training techniques.

You gotta chop and punch him...

Like that. And then [swishes] so...

You do wanna win that $5,000, right?

Of course I wanna win.

And don't you wanna show Leah's ex what you working with?

Yes.

Well, you better get to training 'cause he rich.

He probably training underwater on top of the way-

he probably doing air training.

This supposed to be a pep talk? 'Cause it's not working.

My training techniques will work.

First thing I need to do is get you a sparring partner.

You don't know no professional fighters, Mr. Brown, stop...

How about like ex-Heavyweight Champion of the World?

[hustling whistles] Hey! Come on!

He just got through eating, but he ready to train.

-T-Bone Tyson. Ooh! -You ready to go to work?

Back up, man.

You ready to fight?

I'm ready now.

You ready, champ? Come on.

Come on, champ, come on.

I got you, I got you, champ. You ready?

Mr. Brown, you really are connected.

[Brown] Yeah, I'm connected.

You better get in there and get connected

before he knock you out. Come on, get in there, champ.

Don't know if I'm ready for this.

[Brown] You ready, come on.

Get up here, let's do this.

Throw your right, throw your jab.

Get your punch in there.

Come on, come on, throw your hands.

Oh!

Okay, get up. Get up.

You've got to learn to duck.

How you think I survived 15 rounds with Duster Bugless?

You mean Buster Douglas.

I mean Duster Bugless. He got a twin.

-He ain't no twin. -Yes, he do.

Get in there and fight.

Fight. Bite if you have to.

Psst. Come here, come here.

One sure way to confuse your opponent

is make them think you don't know what you're doing.

So you shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, bam!

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, bam!

Okay, got it. Get in there, get in there.

Come on, here we go.

Give it to him, champ! Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, bam!

-Yes! -I got him.

I got him, Mr. Brown!

[T-Bone] Is that all you got?

He ain't so bad. Man, watch this.

Do it. Go. Shuffle.

-Come on. -Yeah, boy.

Shuffle. Hit him with it!

You want some more?

Open up the secret weapon!

Get the secret weapon on him!

Come on!

Give him the secret weapon.

Come on! Secret weapon! Go get it!

-Oh, oh. -[Brown] Open it up!

All right, all right. Okay.

Got him.

That's your secret weapon? The windmill?

Yeah. It worked.

Right. You know what you doing.

What is going on? Oh, oh, oh!

[Mr. Brown] So dramatic.

Oh, T-Bone Tyson! [screams]

Mr. Brown, you really did the thing!

Well, that's what I do.

Yes. You gonna win the fight, baby.

Yeeh. Yeeh!

It's really you.

You're the reason one of my exes

ran out on me in Vegas.

I feel like I need a shower.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I gasp when I saw your muscles

glistening and glowing under those bright stadium lights.

I guess when I threw my silk scarf in the ring

with my phone number on it, he had enough.

I didn't even know he was gone

until the 12th round.

Ms. Anastasia, come over here.

All right, look, let me show you something.

Get your hands up. Now circle around.

Now go for his...

I'm gonna crush his bones!

I see a few bones I'd like to crush.

Well, shorty, if you think that dance was hot,

wait until tonight. Be sure to bring a fan.

R Boogie out.

R Boogie out? Whoa, Reggie, who the hell is R Boogie?

That's my new nickname.

-You hanging out again tonight? -[Reginald] Mm-hmm.

You need to slow your roll, man, you really do.

Hey, let that man be grown, Grandpa Vinny.

I mean, he feeling alive while knocking them dead.

True dat!

Oh, don't forget. Not too much, R Boogie.

You know what I mean? Like, just enough

to get their attention

but not too much to keep them guessing.

You stole that from the book of Vinny, chapter three.

Yes, you did, man.

I didn't read your book. I wrote my own.

Hey, knock them dead.

You know what? You just got home in the wee hours.

You ain't got the stamina.

And you know what, Reggie? You gonna run out of steam.

No, my friends asked me to be there.

And, besides, I can't miss Tequila Tuesday.

Tequila Tuesday.

Reggie, you can barely handle Kool-Aid.

Hey, Tequila is this fine lady I met

and she wants me to be her main dish.

And I want her to be my chaser.

Oh, that's... Yeah.

Well, who is this tatted up dude with the gold front?

That's Grills.

Can you believe he's a former convict

that I put away some years ago?

He just got out.

Well, why was he hanging with you?

Because I'm cool.

And I bought him his first drink out the pen.

Well, what was he in for?

-Attempted murder. -[Vinny] Mm-hmm.

He tried to carjack some guy

who was driving while legally blind.

I don't think it'd be a good idea

for you to go back down there.

The dude might be trying to set you up

for some type of revenge, Reggie.

Oh, no, no, we had a good time.

And this woman between us,

that's Limbo Linda.

Now, she's defending her title tonight

and she wants me to be her human pole.

Let me see. Let me look that up.

-Whoa. Whoa. -Hey.

Why didn't you go out with Reggie?

I don't think Reggie should go back down there.

I just read a post that the convict he locked up

has said, "Hey, judge, can't wait to catch up tonight.

Let's see who takes the fall this time."

Come on. Look at that.

We better get down there and get Reggie.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Give me the keys

so we can get down there alive.

'Cause both of us be dead if you drive.

Uh, it's awfully early, baby.

I mean, the fight ain't till late this afternoon.

T-Bone wanted me to get some light work in.

It's all optics, baby. Intimidation tactics.

Remember, this is supposed to be fun.

-Oh, it's gonna be fun. -[Leah] Okay.

It's gonna be fun when I beat the brakes off that boy.

-Bring his ego down. Uh-huh. -[Leah] Right.

[Mr. Brown] Okay you ready?

What, who is Jabber J?

Jabber J is your man.

Think if I introduced him, "Ladies and gentlemen,

he's 6'1", comes in at 210 pounds.

Jeremy."

-See how flat that is? -Flat.

But if I came in, "Ladies and gentlemen,

he comes in at 6'1",

210 pounds from Bad Street,

Jabber J!"

Okay, I see what you did there.

See what I did.

I don't even need all that, Mr. Brown, I'm good.

According to your opponent, "Bone Crusher,"

you gonna need that and more.

Now, word on the street,

and y'all didn't hear none of this from me,

telling people he had Leah first.

What? Oh, okay. All right.

Yeah, I got something for you, boy.

[Brown] Yeah, yeah, you go get him, champ.

Go get him, champ! Go get him, champ!

You go get him, champ. Go get him, champ.

Go get him, champ. See you there, baby!

Mr. Brown, was he really out there, bragging?

No, I just made that up

so they can beat the brakes off of each other.

I used to hype fights up like that when I boxed.

Yeah, you got him, champ!

Right. Right, he got him.

Where in the hell have you been?

It's 7:45 in the morning, man.

And why didn't you call?

We were worried about you, Reginald.

We drove around half the night,

looking for you in places you might've been laid to rest.

I was about to call the po-po, man.

The last time I checked, I'm a grown man

and I can stay out as long as I want.

Well, you know, we read the post that the convict put out and...

It sounded like he wanted revenge

for you putting him away.

Ah, yeah, he was the one that had me tied up all night.

[both] Tied up!

First took me to the karaoke bar

and then to the all-you-can-eat griddle

and then it ended at the casino.

Casino, man, you don't owe that man nothing.

No, it was his treat.

You know what he told me?

That being put away actually saved his life.

Well, that's good to hear.

I'm so tired. Now I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Well, I'm happy, Reginald,

that you were able to get out and let loose for once.

But those women wore me out.

They will do that, but I tell you what, Reggie,

you need to send them my way

Uh, the Ener-gizer-bunny, uh, Vinny will-

[music]

[all chanting] Jabber J! Jabber J! Jabber J!

[all cheering]

Congrats.

He's the greatest of all time! He's the GOAT!

Bone Crusher's face when they said you won was like, "What?"

You did everything I taught you.

I did everything T-Bone Tyson taught me.

No, no, no, you can give Mr. Brown a little credit.

I am so proud of you, baby.

Yeah, total knockout for my total knockout.

Yeah. Whoa, whoa, where you going, Anastasia?

I'm going for a private sparring session.

I have a match tonight myself.

TKO, baby!

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