All language subtitles for Abbott Elementary s04e20 Ava Fest Tokyo Drift.eng

Hey, y'all.
Just a reminder.

Until the leak in the gym
is fixed, it's off limits.

Last thing we need is a parent
slipping and suing the school.

You guys,
I'm trying to do printouts

for the Open House
tomorrow.

My laptop keeps crashing.

Does anybody have a functioning
computer I can jump on?

Nope.
Mine crashed twice this morning.

Yes, but you have to tap
my monitor three times

and say a little prayer
for the Wi-Fi to work.

Yeah, so because the district
took away all of our stuff

from the golf course,

and Ava gave away our funds
to other schools

at the budget meeting.

Abbott's back to square one.

Not my favorite shape.
More of a triangle, girly.

I actually played a triangle
in high school if you...

Anyway, we have a plan.

As part of the Open House
this year,

we are having a car wash
to raise money.

Okay,
before I blast this on socials

that I don't have to pay
to be verified on,

how much are we charging
for the car wash?

Ah, we are not charging
anything

and relying
purely on donations.

Ha! You know, when you rely on
the kindness in people's hearts,

you start to realize there is
no kindness in people's hearts.

No, look, we lure people in
with a free car wash,

but then they see the cute kids
and us working extremely hard,

and they feel guilty.

And people will pay anything
to get rid of the guilt.

Well, donations work wonders
for my church. Mm-hmm.

My church promised me
my own planet.

They better pay up.

Jacob: Great.
And are we-

are we still going to
call it AVA Fest?

You know,
to pay homage to Ava?

Yeah, if you want to pay homage
and a hefty licensing fee.

She trademarked AVA Fest,
and she sent a cease and desist.

Mm.
How?

Girlfriend.

[ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ]

- Captions by Verbit-

?

Thank you
for bringing me today.

Tell Johnny I'm sorry
he had to ride on the ladder.

Ah, he's used to it.
Plus, he's rooting for us. Mm.

[ Firetruck horn honks ]
Ah, duty calls.

Oh.
Try not to pull any fire alarms today, Mel.

I'll try.
No promises.

Hey,
what are you doing?

I'm getting my stuff ready
for the car wash.

I hope they put me
on cupholders.

They're always so nasty.

Dia, can you have
Mr. Johnson disinfect

the admin desk
regularly?

The kids touch this,
and we see what they can do.

First of all, Mr. Johnson is
not my jurisdiction.

Second of all,
it's Open House.

Right. I used to get so stressed
out about talking to parents,

but the full-time sub
is taking over my class,

which is such a relief.

Okay, yeah,
but some of the parents

are going to want to talk
to the principal,

not just the teachers.
Yep.

It's like
when you go to the store

and you want to speak
to the manager.

Yeah,
I've never done that.

I've always been able
to find a resolution

without escalating
the situation.

But Ava never talked
to anybody.

Ava can get away with that.
You ain't Ava.

[ Chuckling ] No.
[ Chuckles ]

The parents are going to
want to talk to you,

and they are going to have
a lot of questions.

Well, I don't love
the sound of that.

What- What-
What should I prepare for?

"Prepare."
[ Both laugh ]

You can't prepare.

No, they're going to throw
everything at you-

complaints, concerns, compliments.

But mostly complaints
and concerns.

You're saying there's-

there's nothing I can do
to plan for this?

[ Robotic voice ]
Beep, bop, boop.

I am Gregbot.

I cannot deviate
from my plans.

[ Chuckles ]
[ Normal voice ] That's you.

And here you go.

I'm not tall enough
to reach the top of the car.

Oh, that's okay.
I'll get those spots.

[ Scoffs ] You're like
an inch taller than me.

Mm. Okay, everyone,
if you don't have a parent,

then you're on car-wash duty,
and we'll keep rotating, right?

Are we ready?
Together: Yes.

Melissa: Yes. Ready.

Guess what- Guess-

Guess what I found
in the basement.

Last person
who should have a megaphone.

I haven't got
the timing down yet,

but I will
when it's show showtime.

[ Feedback ]
Oh, my God.

Let it be known
that I will not be a-scrubbing,

rubbing,
or a-dubbing,

and the only thing I buff
are my nails.

But if you want somebody
to count your donations,

I'm your gal.
Okay.

Okay. Speaking of which,
I made this

so we could keep track
of all the dough we make today.

Alright? Remember,
we ain't doing this for free.

Well, technically,
we can- It is a highly suggested

And by "highly suggested,"
I mean you hold that tip jar

right up into their face
until it gets uncomfortable.

Which also works
with divorce papers, too. Mm.

And I also invited all
of the members from my church.

And you will never believe
who is- [ Leaf blower whirs ]

I blew dirt on all the cars
in the neighborhood

and the ones
at the golf course, too.

And don't worry,
I wore a disguise.

Call me Mr. Morton.

Uh, hey, should we be worried
about the weather?

It says there's a high chance
of rain.

The only thing there's
a high chance of is success.

Guys, let's fill
this thermometer.

Together: Yeah!
Woman: That's right.

Welcome to Abbott. Hello.
I'm Interim Principal Eddie.

Well, Mr. Interim Principal,
show 'em what you got.

Hi. Uh, welcome to Abbott.
I'm Interim Principal Eddie.

Mom:
Are you the new principal?

Uh, I'm the interim principal,
yes. You'll do.

Listen, my child is
in fifth grade now,

and I have been
to every Open House,

AVA Fest, or whatever you guys
are calling it these days,

and no one has been able
to answer my question.

Okay, well,
I'll do my best,

but I just want to reiterate
that I am the interim principal.

I know what "interim" means.
Is he for real?

The school website
does not explain what any

of the extracurricular
activities are.

Like, what is
a Garden Goofball?

I'm really glad
that you asked.

I actually run
that after-school program.

Um, it teaches the students
responsibility

while also learning
about horticulture.

Right now we're harvesting
strawberries, tomatoes, cabbage.

Cabbage?
Yeah.

And sensory plants, like
scented herbs and lavender,

and a mimosa plant
for touch.

Well, thank you,
interim principal.

Yeah. No problem.

And I'll make a note
to update the website.

Mm-hmm.

I think
I'm getting better at this.

Well she did ask
the one thing you know.

This whole time
I've been giving you

the benefit of the doubt.

Um, oh, hey, Gregory,
could you please come out?

Right away?

Oh, no. What?
Is it raining?

No, just...
come outside!

We got a situation!
Sorry.

Okay.
Stay on the ground.

[ Horn honks ]
Hey, we don't have all day.

Ooh, I know I prayed
for a good turnout,

but these hands were made
for praying, not for spraying.

I think we're going to need
more shammies.

[ Horns honking ]
Oh. Oh. Oh.

Morton,
why aren't you helping?

And is this
a sleeping bag?

Yeah, I just leased
this all-electric car,

and it's actually
not a bad place to sleep.

Which is really helpful
when you don't know

if you're welcome at home
each night.

Okay, well, you're going to
get out and finish it yourself.

Uh, Ava.
Oh, my God. Ava.

Hey,
what are you doing here?

I just finished
a speaking engagement in Jersey,

so, obviously,
I need a car wash.

[ Both chuckle ]

And I heard someone here
had the dumb idea

to raise money
by washing cars for free.

Well,
that someone would disagree.

Listen,
if you need the cash,

I have a list of high-net-worth
potential donors

in the top drawer
of my old desk.

You should hit them up.

Barbara:
I don't think we'll need to.

We've got cars lined up
around the block.

I think we're going to be
just fine.

Okay, well, if you want to turn
down getting money, be my guest.

But wait a sec.

We haven't even washed
your car yet.

Y'all not touching my car
with them linty rags.

Try microfiber.
Ugh.

What would y'all do
without me?

I will talk to the cafeteria
and let them know

they don't need to use MSG
in everything.

Okay?
Y'all have a good night.

[ Sighs ] Hm.

Amber. Hi.

Um, wel-
welcome to the Open House.

Mm-hmm.
"Interim Principal Eddie."

"Interim" about
sums you up.

[ Chuckles ]

I heard your boring ass
is dating a teacher now.

That's a power imbalance.

You know what?
That's a good point.

You know what?
I actually have to, um,

go attend to something.

Wait.
I recognize that slinking.

You dropped off a pizza to us
a couple weeks ago.

Left it on the sidewalk.

You know
I got a doorbell cam.

Looking like Bigfoot.

Okay, listen,
so I didn't come to your door

because... I wanted to wait
until tonight's Open House

to tell you just how great
Joel and Megan have been doing.

Yeah?

Yeah, they're really thriving
in Miss Cooper's class.

Uh, you should see their project
on the Constitution.

It's actually better
than our current one.

Okay,
I guess I'll check it out.

Thanks,
Interim Principal Eddie.

That was a close call,
but you handled it well.

Thank you.

Even though you walk like
the alien in "Signs."

Is she still doing it?

Okay, just...

We got another tip.

Whoo! Yeah!
Alright. Awesome.

Let's tally up our bounty
and see where we're at.

Okay. Whoo! Whoo!
[ Imitating drum roll ]

Well, Mr. Johnson,
you want to do the honors?

No, no. Mr. J.,
you got to do the line

above the zero, not below.

Y'all owe
the thermometer money.

Wait, what?
Huh?

What- What do you mean?
How is that possible?

We've been working
our butts off.

He's right.
We spent $275 on supplies.

We only made $163
in donations. [ Scoffs ]

And $100 of that
came from Ava.

Those damn gentrifiers
haven't been tipping.

Yeah, well,
we should have expected that.

It's in their nature
to be cheap.

Alright, well,
I will go, uh,

drum up
some more business.

Ow.
Sorry. Sorry.

Gregory, we are losing money
on the car wash.

What?
What about the tips?

Apparently,
people think we're in Europe.

And we only have
a couple of hours left.

And I don't think
we're even going to break even.

[ Sighs ]

Oh, wait a minute.

Ava said she had a list of
high-net-worth potential donors.

She probably was collecting them
as eligible bachelors,

but maybe we can reach out.

Right, yeah,
that's worth a shot.

And if that doesn't work,
we're screwed. [ Chuckles ]

I'm just being realistic.

You know, there's some
pretty high-profile people

who attend my church.

Barbara, is it Jesus?

Well,
he's one of them.

Okay, well,
let's take a beat on that

and just focus on the ones
with phone numbers.

Okay.

Free car wash and a chance
to help children in need!

Be a hero!

Hey,
turn that thing down.

You're driving away
my business.

Yeah. Okay.
Um...

[ Alarms blaring ]

Ah. Hello.
What's good?

Whoa.
I got the text message about the fundraiser.

That's an interesting wallet.
[ Chuckles ]

Happy to support.

God bless you
and your generous donation.

Thank you very much.

[ Squeals ]
It's working.

Ava's list
of high-net-worth donors

are actually
coming through. Ooh.

These guys
are drug dealers. What?

Don't ask me how I know
without my lawyer being present,

but it's true.

Hey,
stay out of the trunk.

You know, maybe
he's just a private person.

You know, I don't want anyone
snooping in my trunk, either.

Yeah, exactly. I mean,
you shouldn't profile anyone.

I mean, just 'cause they have
a lot of money and nice cars.

Hey, did you guys know these
things have a siren on them?

[ Siren wailing,
tires squealing ]

[ Gasps ]
Yeah, these guys are drug dealers.

Told you.

And that's what
we're doing to improve

all of your children's
reading comprehension levels.

It's been
quite efficacious.

"Efficacious."

It- It takes a village.
Truly.

Thank you.

You know,
as interim principal,

I really want to cultivate
a workplace

rooted in mutual respect
and-

Darnell: Sup, bitch?

You let my son down.

Maybe this is where
drug money should be going,

back into the community.
Absolutely not.

Barb, you know, you take
away the "drug dealer" part,

they're really
just small-business owners.

She has got a point.

They don't say anything about
not smoking weed in the Bible.

They do say something
about a burning bush.

Ah!
[ Both chuckle ]

Okay. I'm sorry.
You're right, okay?

But we're in the worst shape
we've ever been in.

And now we're
not even going to make enough

to build back what we lost.

So how'd you guys do?

[ Exhales sharply ]

Based on those sad faces
and that icy thermometer,

I'm guessing not well.

Did you guys text the
drug dealers I told you about?

'Cause one thing about them
is they gonna text back fast.

We did, but Barbara won't
let us keep the money. Mnh-mnh.

Damn, Barb,
can't you just throw

some holy water on it
or something?

Well, I guess we just
wait for the next budget meeting

and hope that luck is
on our side. [ Chuckles ]

Nah,
we can make this work.

Uh, how?

We've only got an hour
of daylight left.

See, this is what's wrong
with y'all.

You're always thinking
too small.

This presents us
with the opportunity to pivot.

A night car wash?

No.

Block party.

Tear up that
cease and desist, y'all,

'cause AVA Fest is back.

- Alright.
- That's what we should've done.

- Facts.
- It always leads to money.

You're welcome.
[ Thunder crashes ]

Oh, I think the man upstairs
has something to say about that.

Well, so much
for the block party.

Are you really going to let a
little rain shut down AVA Fest?

I'm so glad I didn't
license it to y'all.

You'd have killed
the brand. Mm.

All we need to do
is move the block inside.

But it's practically raining
in the gym, too.

That's the beauty
of a block party.

It can happen anywhere-
classrooms, hallways.

Now all we need
are some attractions.

I'm a caricature artist.

Did it for 20 years
on Coney Island.

What? 20 years?

Well, mighta been an afternoon.
Seemed like 20 years.

Okay, there we go.
Who else can do things?

I can do tarot readings.
Hm. Predictable.

Ava: Janine,
what about you?

Do you have a single
moneymaking skill?

Um...

I like to draw cute things
on the kids' tests,

so maybe I can do
face painting.

Okay, I've seen those,
so that'll be free.

But we could get Wendell
and the cafeteria staff

to put out food and drinks

and upcharge the hell
out of everybody. Yeah.

Now, the only thing left
is a showstopper,

which I can make happen.

Ooh, ooh, I've got someone
who can stop any show.

Sure, Barb. Bring your
little church friend.

Just make sure
they get out of the way

when I get Stevie Wonder
to show up.

Ava, quit trying
to trick the blind.

It almost worked
two years ago

when I told him
this was the Staples Center.

I'll get somebody.
Are y'all in or not? Ms. Inez: Yes.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah, okay,
but if it's Bon Jovi,

someone tell Captain Robinson
it's been fun.

Barbara: Girl.
[ Chuckles ]

Let's get to it.

I told you,
if his grades start slipping,

I was coming back
for round two.

Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.

Did his grades
actually slip?

Last time I checked,
they were great.

Jabari had an A+
in spelling.

Now he's down to an "A."
Says it's 'cause he misses you.

So, yeah,
that's on you, playboy.

Look, I had to step away
from my class

to take over
the interim-principal job.

That's not a real job.
You made that up.

It is. I'm temporarily
the principal right now,

but I still make sure
to check in with Jabari

along with the rest
of my students. No, no, no, no.

You built a bond with Jabari,
and now you let him down.

Do you know what that does
to his abandonment issues?

Darnell,
I give you my word.

I will always be there
for Jabari,

and I know you will, too,

considering how many times
you done come around here,

threatening to beat my ass.

And with both of us
on Team Jabari,

I am certain
he will be alright.

Okay. Okay.
Mm-hmm.

But if his grades
slip again...

Really?
No, no. I'm playing.

I'm playing, right?
That was funny. Yeah, that was good.

Okay. Yeah.
You alright, man.

[ Chuckles ]
It's okay.

Hey, but you got to stop
pushing my buttons, man.

[ Thunder rumbles ]

You better not be
looking at that camera.

I sw-

Nah,
I'm playing again.

Seriously.
Ah, there you go with that.

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
Doing callbacks.

Perfect.

Step right up.

See your true nature
in a caricature

or have a sorceress
tell you your fortune.

Or pay me $20
to roast your outfit.

$30 if you want me
to compliment it.

That shirt is ugly.
First one's free.

How's it looking?
Getting any warmer?

Yeah, it's better
than the car wash,

but we thought
it'd be closer.

We're not going to make it.

Damn. Fergie booked
another national anthem.

Jacob, quick, put on a wig,
and pretend you're Kevin Bacon.

Like "Footloose"
Kevin Bacon

or modern-day
car-commercial Kevin?

My church contact
came through.

Ava,
did you book a closer? No, I didn't, Barb,

but Gerald doing
a Sunday school puppet show

about the great flood
might not be enough.

Gerald's with his men's group
this evening.

Actually, I got...
Hi. Hi. Hi.

[ Gasps ]
Oh. Oh.

[ Gasps ]
...Miss Jill Scott.

Hi.

Thank you so much
for making this happen

with such short notice.

This lady has gone
above and beyond

to make my godmother feel
welcome in the choir,

and she can't even sing.

[ Laughter ]
It's the least I could do.

And who is this fine fella
with you? Hello.

Oh, this is Jax.
He's my security.

Oh.
I don't go anywhere without him.

There are a lot of weirdos
out there.

- Uh-huh. Sure are.
- Yeah.

You know, somebody went in
my dressing room

and stole my ear monitors.

- What?
- What?

Like, what you going to do
with ear monitors?

- Yeah. That's weird.
- That's weird

Well, welcome
to Abbott Elementary,

and, um...

Jacob will take you...

- To... somewhere.
- ...somewhere.

- Yeah, yeah.
- To the, um-

- Yeah, we go right this-
- Bye.

Thank you.
Thank you for coming.

Janine: Oh, my God.

I cannot believe
you got Jill Scott.

Well, the Lord-
Lord works in mysterious ways.

Mm-hmm.
Right, Barb?

- Mm-hmm.
- That's good.

Yeah.

I knew He had a plan
when he brought

Jill Scott's godmother
to our church choir.

And it wasn't because
we needed a crackly soprano.

[ Cheers and applause ]

It's so good
to be here with you.

You're charging more
than a Jill Scott concert.

Yeah, 'cause this isn't
a Jill Scott concert.

It's AVA Fest.

Looks like
the fire department is here

to shut us down.
Nah, he's with me.

Did I miss her sing
"A Long Walk."

I left Johnny alone
with a kitchen fire

to get here on time.

No. Not yet.

[ Vocalizing ]

Get up!

Everybody, get up!

? I'm taking my freedom ?

? Pulling it off the shelf ?

? Putting it on my chain ?

? Wearin' it 'round my neck ?

? I'm taking my freedom ?

? Putting it in my car ?

? Wherever I choose to go ?

? Yeah, it will take me far ?

? I am, am, am... ?

[ Squeals ]
We did it. We did it.

Ava, this is amazing.

Honestly,
some of my best work.

I'm just curious, though.

What made you come back?

You guys were spinning
your wheels with a car wash.

[ Chuckles ]

Robots replaced sponges
years ago.

Okay. I thought we would've been
the least of your concerns,

what with your success
and the talks and all.

Yeah, I make a lot of money.
Just...

? Grooving all day long ?

Just doesn't
make me feel...

Fulfilled?

Shut up, Janine.
? I'll be high-stepping, y'all ?

? Letting the joy unfold ?

For some really annoying reason
that I can't explain...

...I miss it here.

? Yeah ?

Ava, do you want
to come back?

? I'm holding on
to my freedom ?

That's not an option, okay?

That door is closed.

Okay, but maybe
it doesn't have to be.

Look, a very wise person
once said,

"Every new beginning comes from
some other beginning's end."

[ Chuckling ] Okay.

? Representing His glory ?

Look,
if you want to come back,

we can find a way
to make it happen.

? Like it's golden, golden ?

? Like it's important ?

? Like it matters ?

? Like it's blessed ?

? Yeah ?

I want to come back.

? Am, am, am ?

? Livin' my life
like it's golden, golden ?

? Golden ?

? Oh, yeah ?

Abbott Elementary.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Chuckling ]
There was a lot of energy.

Miss Scott,
before you go,

I was wondering
if I could have your autograph.

I'm a huge fan.

Okay. No problem.

I heard you were coming,

so I went home,
and I grabbed these.

Is that my-

Is- Is that my scarf
and my ear monitors?

Oh,
those are hearing aids.

Hold up.
I remember you. You do?

You're that guy who came
to 37 of my shows in one year.

You saw my Instagram Stories.
Wow.

No. Artists are alerted
whenever someone attends

10 or more of their shows.

I see. So you never saw
my tags. Noted.

You rushed my stage
in Pittsburgh in '05,

and you stole my scarf-
that scarf- off of my neck.

You're the whole reason
I hired Jax.

You're welcome
for the job, Jax.

Okay. I'm out.

Hey, wait.
I made you something.

Jax.

? Livin' my life
like it's golden ?

? Livin' my life
like it's golden, golden ?

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