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1
00:00:02,021 --> 00:00:04,621
This programme contains very strong
language and adult humour
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00:00:04,661 --> 00:00:07,101
Before third year properly started
we got matched with supervisors
3
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:09,901
to guide us after class in our
final project - le dissertation.
4
00:00:09,941 --> 00:00:11,101
I got Tim -
5
00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:14,421
which was gonna be OK cause
I was now no longer a virg,
6
00:00:14,461 --> 00:00:17,461
and decided to stop all silly
childish crushes
7
00:00:17,501 --> 00:00:19,701
on unavailable older men.
8
00:00:19,741 --> 00:00:22,781
Corinne got American PhD
student Eleanor,
9
00:00:22,821 --> 00:00:26,501
a media regulations expert who took
everything very seriously,
10
00:00:26,541 --> 00:00:28,981
refused to abide by the smoking ban
11
00:00:29,021 --> 00:00:31,621
and was trying out
natural deodorant.
12
00:00:31,661 --> 00:00:34,501
And finally you got...
13
00:00:34,541 --> 00:00:35,941
Kelly.
14
00:00:35,981 --> 00:00:38,581
Danny. Er, what?
Why we saying our names?
15
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:41,141
Oh, I dunno - but, hi.
16
00:00:41,181 --> 00:00:43,701
No. So, have I got you?
Are you ser...?
17
00:00:43,741 --> 00:00:46,781
Why is no-one at this university
taking my education seriously?
18
00:00:46,821 --> 00:00:50,781
Yeah, got me, baby. Staffing cuts.
19
00:00:50,821 --> 00:00:54,221
Christ. Kelly, can you get
out of my chair, please?
20
00:00:54,261 --> 00:00:55,501
Right, plop yourself down then,
21
00:00:55,541 --> 00:00:57,621
I've got us some Oreos and
a couple of CapriSuns.
22
00:00:57,661 --> 00:00:59,541
No, Kelly, not you.
23
00:00:59,581 --> 00:01:03,141
Can you go to the pub or something,
like a normal 16-year-old?
24
00:01:03,181 --> 00:01:04,781
SHE SIGHS
25
00:01:04,821 --> 00:01:06,181
Now...
26
00:01:06,221 --> 00:01:08,501
Did you know that Oreos are vegan?
27
00:01:15,741 --> 00:01:19,461
So, guys, the competition
this week, Well and Truly,
28
00:01:19,501 --> 00:01:21,781
is a package for
rest and relaxation
29
00:01:21,821 --> 00:01:24,621
where you and a partner could win
three nights' stay
30
00:01:24,661 --> 00:01:26,901
at this gorgeous country estate.
31
00:01:26,941 --> 00:01:32,541
Where are all of my past
non-shite dissertations?
32
00:01:32,581 --> 00:01:34,261
Just imagine it...
33
00:01:34,301 --> 00:01:35,821
..Jack.
34
00:01:35,861 --> 00:01:38,221
Three nights of shagging Tim.
35
00:01:38,261 --> 00:01:40,381
Going from the jet spa bubble bath
36
00:01:40,421 --> 00:01:42,221
to a king size water-bed.
37
00:01:42,261 --> 00:01:44,381
Goin' riiiight at it.
38
00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:48,261
Right, Jack,
talk to me about your big D.
39
00:01:48,301 --> 00:01:49,381
What?
40
00:01:49,421 --> 00:01:53,661
What area are you thinking about
right now, exploring?
41
00:01:53,701 --> 00:01:55,381
Don't say anal.
42
00:01:55,421 --> 00:01:59,981
Just don't say anal.
Say anything but anal.
43
00:02:00,021 --> 00:02:01,181
Anal.
44
00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:02,221
I said anal.
45
00:02:02,261 --> 00:02:03,621
Fuck's sake, he said anal.
46
00:02:03,661 --> 00:02:05,061
Did you just say. "anal"?
47
00:02:05,101 --> 00:02:06,541
No, no, no, I-I...
48
00:02:06,581 --> 00:02:08,861
I'm just being anal. My God.
49
00:02:08,901 --> 00:02:12,381
I'm trying to be organised now as,
like, the final year... Thank you.
50
00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:16,021
..my dissertation idea is, um...
51
00:02:16,061 --> 00:02:18,941
"To Bum or Not To Bum:
52
00:02:18,981 --> 00:02:22,901
"A study into the representation
of homosexuality
53
00:02:22,941 --> 00:02:25,141
"within mainstream
media depictions".
54
00:02:25,181 --> 00:02:26,621
"When anal's involved,
55
00:02:26,661 --> 00:02:31,661
"is homosexual intimacy always
the butt of the joke?"
56
00:02:31,701 --> 00:02:34,141
Right, wow.
57
00:02:34,181 --> 00:02:36,301
Jack, I'm almost impressed.
58
00:02:36,341 --> 00:02:38,101
Thanks, Tim.
59
00:02:38,141 --> 00:02:39,861
Did Corinne help you
come up with that?
60
00:02:39,901 --> 00:02:41,261
No!
61
00:02:41,301 --> 00:02:44,021
"Better Together or Stronger Apart:
62
00:02:44,061 --> 00:02:45,861
"an analysis into the media bias
63
00:02:45,901 --> 00:02:48,341
"of the Scottish Independence
Referendum.
64
00:02:48,381 --> 00:02:51,181
"Were we spun lies to secure
a continued oppressive union?"
65
00:02:52,821 --> 00:02:54,021
Other ideas?
66
00:02:55,621 --> 00:02:57,061
No. OK.
67
00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,901
So, you're 21.
68
00:03:00,941 --> 00:03:03,901
Tell me about yourself.
Drink, smoke, drugs?
69
00:03:03,941 --> 00:03:05,221
That's none of your business.
70
00:03:05,261 --> 00:03:08,341
Yes, to all three, then.
OK. Relationship?
71
00:03:08,381 --> 00:03:10,621
No, Yes. I am in one, but...
72
00:03:10,661 --> 00:03:12,621
OK, bisexual woman with a boyfriend.
73
00:03:12,661 --> 00:03:14,261
How did you know that? Star sign?
74
00:03:14,301 --> 00:03:16,861
Stop. I'm sorry, what's going on?
75
00:03:16,901 --> 00:03:18,581
You're supposed to be helping me
plan my thesis
76
00:03:18,621 --> 00:03:20,821
for the next nine months, not asking
me about my personal life.
77
00:03:20,861 --> 00:03:23,701
OK? You're nothing but a midwife of
academic practice,
78
00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:27,341
so stop being nosey and let's get
interrogating this topic, please.
79
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:29,621
Hmm.
80
00:03:29,661 --> 00:03:32,981
OK so your "topic".
81
00:03:33,021 --> 00:03:34,821
Not to be harsh,
82
00:03:34,861 --> 00:03:37,061
but maybe get the fuck over it?
83
00:03:37,101 --> 00:03:41,021
This dissertation should be more
than an overly emotional anthology
84
00:03:41,061 --> 00:03:42,981
of personal intellectual ideas,
85
00:03:43,021 --> 00:03:47,461
and should be a robust manifesto
for the rest of your career.
86
00:03:47,501 --> 00:03:50,421
So, stop focusing on
what keeps you trapped
87
00:03:50,461 --> 00:03:52,781
and perhaps utilise this
as an opportunity
88
00:03:52,821 --> 00:03:55,541
to ponder that which forces
you open.
89
00:03:57,781 --> 00:03:59,741
But that's just my advice...
90
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,821
..to any Virgos in the room.
91
00:04:03,141 --> 00:04:07,021
Spoiler. Natural deodorant
does naaaat work.
92
00:04:07,061 --> 00:04:11,141
Ohh... Yeah, I ain't got a scooby
what to write my disso on.
93
00:04:11,181 --> 00:04:13,261
You know, not a fucking scoobs.
94
00:04:13,301 --> 00:04:15,221
Well, that's not the attitude,
is it?
95
00:04:15,261 --> 00:04:16,901
It's Scooby-Doo, not Scooby-Don't.
96
00:04:16,941 --> 00:04:19,701
Hmmm. Let's think what area
of the media -
97
00:04:19,741 --> 00:04:22,461
so, print or broadcast -
do you personally enjoy?
98
00:04:22,501 --> 00:04:27,061
Well, you know, time to time
I'll read a...dirty mag.
99
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,901
I'll write that down. Yeah.
Actually, do you know what?
100
00:04:28,941 --> 00:04:31,741
Recently I've really got into
the film Billy Elliot.
101
00:04:31,781 --> 00:04:34,941
Yeah. Oh. Yeah, it's legit good.
102
00:04:34,981 --> 00:04:38,181
And what d'you feel like
you learnt from your degree?
103
00:04:38,221 --> 00:04:41,101
I mean...
honestly, sometimes, fuck all.
104
00:04:41,141 --> 00:04:43,821
Danny! If you haven't got anything
nice to say...
105
00:04:43,861 --> 00:04:46,381
Then you're probably a right laugh.
That's what my nan says.
106
00:04:46,421 --> 00:04:48,221
Aww, how is she, how is your nan?
107
00:04:48,261 --> 00:04:52,021
Yeah, she's... Look I'm just...
I've a lot on my plate, you know?
108
00:04:52,061 --> 00:04:54,181
I'm skint...
you know, my laptop's bust
109
00:04:54,221 --> 00:04:56,781
cos I spilt a load of Maccys
strawberry milkshake all over it,
110
00:04:56,821 --> 00:04:57,981
I'm in this new relationship
111
00:04:58,021 --> 00:05:00,701
that I'm terrified that I'm going to
fuck up all of the time,
112
00:05:00,741 --> 00:05:02,901
you know, and I spunked all
of this money taking her to Greece,
113
00:05:02,941 --> 00:05:04,821
that was hit-and-miss at best -
114
00:05:04,861 --> 00:05:08,621
AND I just found out that
the BBC have sacked Clarkson.
115
00:05:08,661 --> 00:05:10,821
They're filming Top Gear
with Chris Evans.
116
00:05:10,861 --> 00:05:13,021
Oh, Christ.
117
00:05:15,021 --> 00:05:16,941
Chris Evans?
118
00:05:16,981 --> 00:05:18,821
THEY COO AND LAUGH
119
00:05:19,981 --> 00:05:22,661
Right, you two,
have fun on your dates.
120
00:05:22,701 --> 00:05:27,221
I'm going to miss you
so, so, so, so much! Now...
121
00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:30,381
I got these down Watford Market
for you both.
122
00:05:30,421 --> 00:05:33,421
Erm, Nan, people don't really use
rape alarms any more.
123
00:05:33,461 --> 00:05:36,261
Why? Have blokes stopped
raping people?
124
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:39,981
Didn't fucking think so.
125
00:05:40,021 --> 00:05:42,061
Now put it in your bag
and don't answer me back.
126
00:05:43,101 --> 00:05:46,221
Right, well you be good girl
for Nanny,
127
00:05:46,261 --> 00:05:48,541
otherwise she'll be
a cunt to me tomorrow.
128
00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:50,341
Oh, yes, she will.
Oh, yes, she will!
129
00:05:51,941 --> 00:05:53,461
Ow.
130
00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:55,821
Right, OK.
131
00:05:56,941 --> 00:05:58,341
Sorry...
132
00:05:58,381 --> 00:05:59,981
I just don't want Russell
to come round
133
00:06:00,021 --> 00:06:02,461
and go, "Ooh, she's still
in love with her dead husband."
134
00:06:02,501 --> 00:06:04,101
But are you?
135
00:06:04,141 --> 00:06:05,701
Well, yeah. Yeah.
136
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:09,061
Anyway, he said he's coming round
for a cosy night in on the sofa.
137
00:06:09,101 --> 00:06:10,541
Oh!
138
00:06:10,581 --> 00:06:13,461
OK, I cannot believe you've left it
this late to tell me that.
139
00:06:13,501 --> 00:06:16,941
So, you can still get chlamydia,
you can still get herpes,
140
00:06:16,981 --> 00:06:18,301
you can still get pregnant -
141
00:06:18,341 --> 00:06:20,901
and lest we forget,
he is a mini cab driver, so...
142
00:06:20,941 --> 00:06:23,701
Oh, Shan,
I did the menopause years ago.
143
00:06:23,741 --> 00:06:25,381
Mm-mm, no, I wouldn't be so sure -
144
00:06:25,421 --> 00:06:27,581
cos I read about this woman
in Take A Break,
145
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,781
she thought she'd menopaused
in 2008 -
146
00:06:29,821 --> 00:06:32,741
turns out, stressed
by the credit crunch.
147
00:06:32,781 --> 00:06:34,661
And she went on to have twins.
148
00:06:34,701 --> 00:06:35,741
Right!
149
00:06:35,781 --> 00:06:38,181
I'm not wearing these knock off
Spanx!
150
00:06:38,221 --> 00:06:39,901
I can't get into 'em.
151
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,061
Look, Peggy.
152
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:45,221
Sex with a new partner is different
nowadays, it requires some effort.
153
00:06:45,261 --> 00:06:48,221
I haven't had sex
with anyone but Laurie since...
154
00:06:48,261 --> 00:06:49,541
..Ronald Reagan.
155
00:06:50,781 --> 00:06:52,501
Don't lie to me, Peggy.
156
00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:55,141
You have not had sex
with Ronald Reagan.
157
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:57,341
Now pop on that shapewear, please.
158
00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:02,781
Lads do football, or...boxing, or...
159
00:07:02,821 --> 00:07:04,621
SNIFFLES: Oh, wow.
160
00:07:04,661 --> 00:07:05,661
..wrestling.
161
00:07:05,701 --> 00:07:08,581
Yeah, I honestly think you SHOULD do
your dissertation on little Billy.
162
00:07:08,621 --> 00:07:11,781
Right? You know, I just relate to it
so much, Jules. Yeah.
163
00:07:11,821 --> 00:07:14,901
Like his family are either being
dicks or getting nicked,
164
00:07:14,941 --> 00:07:17,981
his nan's got Alzheimer's
and his best mate's a massive gay.
165
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,261
I mean, it's basically my life.
166
00:07:20,301 --> 00:07:22,461
Oh, it's already half eight -
oh, sorry,
167
00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:24,661
actually, do you mind if we finish
this another time?
168
00:07:24,701 --> 00:07:26,421
What?!
169
00:07:26,461 --> 00:07:29,301
No! I'm going to be late
for my date with Corinne.
170
00:07:29,341 --> 00:07:30,981
Oh, I didn't know you were
dating Corinne!
171
00:07:31,021 --> 00:07:32,421
Yeah, it's our four month
anniversary.
172
00:07:32,461 --> 00:07:34,101
Well, you know, just be careful,
173
00:07:34,141 --> 00:07:36,741
because relationships at uni,
they can be very dangerous.
174
00:07:36,781 --> 00:07:39,141
I mean, just look at Wills and Kate.
175
00:07:39,181 --> 00:07:40,781
But... Well, they got married?
176
00:07:40,821 --> 00:07:42,781
I know, but she'll never be
Diana, will she?
177
00:07:42,821 --> 00:07:44,581
And deep down,
I think she knows that.
178
00:07:44,621 --> 00:07:47,621
Sorry, I just feel very strongly
about it.
179
00:07:47,661 --> 00:07:49,901
Do you want a ride? Yeah, please.
180
00:07:49,941 --> 00:07:52,861
Kelly? Where's your e-scooter?
181
00:07:55,261 --> 00:07:57,821
Hey, man. Oh, my God!
182
00:07:57,861 --> 00:07:59,261
Hi. Wel...
183
00:07:59,301 --> 00:08:01,821
Welcome to The Carhartt Tavern.
184
00:08:01,861 --> 00:08:05,981
Come... Come on in.
My name's Marcus.
185
00:08:06,021 --> 00:08:08,901
Erm, any problems bro,
just give me or my crew a shout,
186
00:08:08,941 --> 00:08:10,581
and, erm...
187
00:08:10,621 --> 00:08:13,901
Er, sick.
188
00:08:13,941 --> 00:08:15,701
Thanks for com...
thanks for coming.
189
00:08:15,741 --> 00:08:19,061
Oi-oi! Fancy seeing you here!
190
00:08:19,101 --> 00:08:22,741
Hiya. So, lol, it's actually
our first date tonight.
191
00:08:22,781 --> 00:08:25,421
No! Yeah. Hello, Corinne. I'm Tariq.
192
00:08:25,461 --> 00:08:28,021
Tariq. Yes, I know.
193
00:08:28,061 --> 00:08:30,781
We... We literally just went on
holiday together.
194
00:08:30,821 --> 00:08:32,901
I, I know,
but a lot people forget me.
195
00:08:32,941 --> 00:08:35,581
Sh, Tariq, Tariq...
I think she's been stood up.
196
00:08:35,621 --> 00:08:37,741
OK, I think we're just there.
197
00:08:47,501 --> 00:08:50,381
Hello, love. Hi. Hello.
You all right? Come in!
198
00:08:50,421 --> 00:08:54,661
Ooh, I'm starvin' marvin, let's have
a butcher's at these menus, yeah?
199
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,061
Oh, yeah. I love a good Peking fuck.
200
00:08:57,101 --> 00:08:59,581
Duck, duck. Peking duck.
201
00:08:59,621 --> 00:09:01,581
SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
202
00:09:10,501 --> 00:09:12,141
All right? Yeah.
203
00:09:23,541 --> 00:09:26,861
Sorry, where is everyone?
204
00:09:26,901 --> 00:09:29,781
They're oddly celebrating
their four month anniversary.
205
00:09:29,821 --> 00:09:32,181
It's very lesbian behaviour,
if you ask me.
206
00:09:33,261 --> 00:09:35,501
So, what do you wanna do tonight?
207
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:39,021
Well, we've got the place
to ourselves.
208
00:09:39,061 --> 00:09:40,661
I think you know.
209
00:09:40,701 --> 00:09:42,141
Yemi, I...
210
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:43,861
I thought we weren't gonna
do that again.
211
00:09:43,901 --> 00:09:46,301
Watch Billy Elliot without Danny
talking through every single line?
212
00:09:47,701 --> 00:09:50,141
Yeah. That's what I meant.
213
00:09:50,181 --> 00:09:51,381
Fuck!
214
00:09:51,421 --> 00:09:52,461
CRASH
215
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:57,621
Babe, fuck, I am so sorry.
216
00:09:57,661 --> 00:10:00,261
I'm so sorry,
I'm so - honestly I'm so sorry, OK?
217
00:10:02,581 --> 00:10:04,141
I just need to go to the bogs.
218
00:10:04,181 --> 00:10:06,701
Oh! And then I'm all yours.
I promise, I'm sorry.
219
00:10:06,741 --> 00:10:08,461
You're in the doghouse, mate, OK?
220
00:10:08,501 --> 00:10:10,261
So, I'd keep this heavily discounted
meal voucher
221
00:10:10,301 --> 00:10:12,461
to yourself -
and whatever that is...
222
00:10:12,501 --> 00:10:15,421
It's an e-scooter.
Yep, it's a massive turn off. OK?
223
00:10:15,461 --> 00:10:17,901
All right. Thanks, Shan.
Have a good night. You look great.
224
00:10:17,941 --> 00:10:19,701
Thank you, I know.
225
00:10:19,741 --> 00:10:22,181
Jack, before we watch, sit.
226
00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:23,781
I need to talk to you.
227
00:10:23,821 --> 00:10:25,581
Oh, God.
228
00:10:25,621 --> 00:10:27,501
Is this cos my
dissertation's on anal?
229
00:10:27,541 --> 00:10:29,501
It won't mention you, I promise.
230
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,061
No. I've taken your choice of topic
231
00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:32,901
as a symbol of how much
I've inspired you.
232
00:10:35,581 --> 00:10:37,061
I wanna drop out of uni.
233
00:10:37,101 --> 00:10:38,541
Oh, God, I've heard that one before.
234
00:10:38,581 --> 00:10:40,701
No, I'm serious this time.
235
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,301
I don't think I can do third year.
236
00:10:43,341 --> 00:10:44,501
Really?
237
00:10:44,541 --> 00:10:47,341
Term starts on Monday, so I need
to make a decision this weekend
238
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:50,421
before I get 9k deeper into
Student Finance England debt.
239
00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:54,541
Come on, then,
let's get the whiteboard out.
240
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:58,421
I made Yemi first list all
the reasons he should leave,
241
00:10:58,461 --> 00:11:00,701
hoping that ending on reasons
to stay
242
00:11:00,741 --> 00:11:02,901
would persuade him to do just that.
243
00:11:02,941 --> 00:11:04,421
Woohoo, another reason to leave -
244
00:11:04,461 --> 00:11:06,821
the SU shop has stopped selling
white chocolate Maltesers.
245
00:11:06,861 --> 00:11:09,341
No, I will not write that down!
246
00:11:09,381 --> 00:11:12,021
They've been
discontinued nationwide.
247
00:11:12,061 --> 00:11:13,181
It's getting boring,
248
00:11:13,221 --> 00:11:15,781
you keep sharing change.org
campaigns about it.
249
00:11:15,821 --> 00:11:17,621
OK, fine, I'm bored here.
250
00:11:17,661 --> 00:11:19,581
My course is teaching me shit
I already know.
251
00:11:19,621 --> 00:11:20,741
Bored of course.
252
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:23,141
Also everyone on my course
idolises me.
253
00:11:23,181 --> 00:11:25,461
Yesterday I was stopped in
the street by freshers
254
00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:26,861
begging me for a selfie.
255
00:11:26,901 --> 00:11:29,581
Someone has a lower back tattoo
of my name.
256
00:11:29,621 --> 00:11:31,221
You're a BNOC.
257
00:11:31,261 --> 00:11:32,901
Ugh! I need to be challenged.
258
00:11:32,941 --> 00:11:34,741
I need to be around real fashion
259
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:37,501
and the vicious, competitive,
horrific people
260
00:11:37,541 --> 00:11:39,301
who make up my dream industry.
261
00:11:39,341 --> 00:11:41,061
Not just students
262
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:43,661
who've already conceded
to my higher levels of talent.
263
00:11:43,701 --> 00:11:47,621
Look, I have a vision, Jack.
264
00:11:47,661 --> 00:11:49,701
I don't want some shitty
junior fashion job.
265
00:11:49,741 --> 00:11:52,381
I wanna to set up my own
independent label.
266
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,981
And I wanna do it now.
267
00:11:54,021 --> 00:11:55,981
We've got one more year left.
268
00:11:57,141 --> 00:11:58,821
And Danny...
269
00:11:58,861 --> 00:12:01,261
Danny only listens to you.
270
00:12:03,341 --> 00:12:05,261
Right, I'm so sorry.
271
00:12:05,301 --> 00:12:06,501
It's fine.
272
00:12:06,541 --> 00:12:08,381
No, but I just had
so much to do today,
273
00:12:08,421 --> 00:12:10,781
I'm, look, that e-scooter is
naaat mine, all right?
274
00:12:10,821 --> 00:12:11,941
Will you just sit down, please?
275
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,861
I just - I was talking to Jules for,
like, an age,
276
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,941
and I still don't know
what to do my dissertation on -
277
00:12:15,981 --> 00:12:17,901
and I'm gutted, cos I can't do it on
Billy Elliot
278
00:12:17,941 --> 00:12:19,981
cos apparently some gimp done it
last year... Look, I'm sorry.
279
00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:22,941
Right, no - shut up.
Shut up, Danny.
280
00:12:22,981 --> 00:12:24,461
OK? I want you to leave.
281
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:29,061
Through that door, fuck off outside,
shake it off,
282
00:12:29,101 --> 00:12:31,421
then come back in here
like you weren't late.
283
00:12:31,461 --> 00:12:35,381
OK? I want a proper date with
the proper Danny, please.
284
00:12:56,181 --> 00:12:57,981
Sorry, enjoy your evening.
285
00:13:06,181 --> 00:13:07,741
Happy anniversary.
286
00:13:07,781 --> 00:13:10,101
Happy anniversary, you silly billy.
287
00:13:19,061 --> 00:13:21,101
There was shit everywhere. Mm.
288
00:13:21,141 --> 00:13:23,741
I have never seen such quantities
of human poo -
289
00:13:23,781 --> 00:13:26,861
and we just had to pretend
like it wasn't happening. Yeah.
290
00:13:26,901 --> 00:13:28,181
But it STANK.
291
00:13:28,221 --> 00:13:30,661
And, you know, those Irish midwives,
they knew it, too.
292
00:13:30,701 --> 00:13:32,221
Sorry to be a Nazi,
293
00:13:32,261 --> 00:13:35,981
but you've only got about 45 minutos
left at le tablah,
294
00:13:36,021 --> 00:13:39,221
so, if ya wanna order some
yummy scrummy grubby wubby,
295
00:13:39,261 --> 00:13:41,141
then do so now, buddy!
296
00:13:41,181 --> 00:13:43,741
Sorry, you haven't...you haven't
given us any menus, though?.
297
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,661
It's all on the chalky-B, my man.
298
00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:46,781
Yes. That illegible board.
299
00:13:46,821 --> 00:13:48,901
Yeah, it's like a small plates
kinda sitch,
300
00:13:48,941 --> 00:13:50,741
so, um, I'd recommend, um...
301
00:13:50,781 --> 00:13:53,701
What is it? Four, five...?
Eight plates per pers.
302
00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,901
Per person?! They - they're
like nine quid each.
303
00:13:55,941 --> 00:13:58,101
Now, can I do some recommendations?
304
00:13:58,141 --> 00:13:59,501
Yeah, yeah. Yes.
305
00:13:59,541 --> 00:14:01,901
OK. Well, I'd recommend
the vegan sweet beets -
306
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,741
or, for my old-skool meat eaters,
307
00:14:03,781 --> 00:14:05,501
the bad boy bresaola bread board,
308
00:14:05,541 --> 00:14:07,541
which comes with a
"lads-back-from-Primavera-
309
00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:09,781
"needs-a-snacky-wacky-croquetta
stacky",
310
00:14:09,821 --> 00:14:12,301
and some tiny, tiny slices
of sourdough
311
00:14:12,341 --> 00:14:15,581
which have a perfectly
toasted Carhartt logo on top.
312
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:18,501
I didn't understand a word of that.
Have you got, like, burgers?
313
00:14:18,541 --> 00:14:20,661
Yeah. You do?
314
00:14:20,701 --> 00:14:22,981
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, OK, that's fine. Let's just...
315
00:14:23,021 --> 00:14:25,101
The Salomon sneaker steak slider.
316
00:14:25,141 --> 00:14:28,021
Sneak... Sneaker?
Salomon sneaker steak slider.
317
00:14:28,061 --> 00:14:30,021
What, like a trainer?
318
00:14:30,061 --> 00:14:32,021
Yes, like a trainer,
but it's a burger.
319
00:14:38,261 --> 00:14:40,901
Mm, I'm all out of wine!
320
00:14:43,861 --> 00:14:45,741
CREAKING
321
00:14:56,181 --> 00:14:58,061
Oh...
322
00:14:58,101 --> 00:15:00,661
Oh, fuck it. Oh, my God!
323
00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:04,261
Shannon, she gave me terrible
knock-off Spanx.
324
00:15:04,301 --> 00:15:06,581
Thank God, I thought you had
osteoarthritis.
325
00:15:06,621 --> 00:15:08,941
Which, you know, I'd be
all right with and all that, but...!
326
00:15:08,981 --> 00:15:11,101
Well, no, not yet.
327
00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:12,741
So...
328
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:16,421
Let me take it all off.
Will you help me?
329
00:15:17,581 --> 00:15:21,101
Yeah. Yeah, OK.
330
00:15:21,141 --> 00:15:23,261
I can take off some of mine off
at the same time.
331
00:15:23,301 --> 00:15:24,621
No, no, I mean...
332
00:15:24,661 --> 00:15:26,261
..help me off the sofa, Russell!
333
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,061
Oh, gosh, yeah, sorry!
334
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:30,581
OK. OK?
335
00:15:30,621 --> 00:15:31,941
Yeah? Yeah.
336
00:15:33,021 --> 00:15:36,221
Literally the only one reason
I haven't left already is because...
337
00:15:36,261 --> 00:15:38,221
..annoyingly, I love you all.
338
00:15:40,301 --> 00:15:42,661
And I am happy here...
339
00:15:42,701 --> 00:15:44,781
..but it's not enough.
340
00:15:44,821 --> 00:15:46,781
Then, Yems...
341
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,461
..you need to go.
342
00:15:51,421 --> 00:15:55,781
Me coming to uni was the
scariest thing I've ever done -
343
00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:58,381
not cos I was the first in my family
to go,
344
00:15:58,421 --> 00:16:02,221
nor cause I knew
I secretly liked cock, but...
345
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:06,021
..I didn't wanna leave my mum
all by herself...
346
00:16:07,141 --> 00:16:08,741
Yeah, I understand that.
347
00:16:08,781 --> 00:16:11,581
..but I had to put my own
future first -
348
00:16:11,621 --> 00:16:13,341
and that's what you have to do.
349
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:16,821
Even though I'll miss you so much.
350
00:16:17,901 --> 00:16:23,421
Yemi, you've always been the most
talented one out of all of us.
351
00:16:24,621 --> 00:16:26,341
Don't tell Corinne.
352
00:16:27,981 --> 00:16:29,221
Hey, come here.
353
00:16:32,181 --> 00:16:34,541
Right, I don't want you paying
for me, OK?
354
00:16:34,581 --> 00:16:36,941
So I insist we go Dutch.
355
00:16:38,141 --> 00:16:39,541
Snap.
356
00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,261
Double Dutch!
357
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,581
Oh, my God!
358
00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:45,381
Oh, no!
Come on, you go for it, love.
359
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,101
No, you have it. No, no. It's yours.
360
00:16:47,141 --> 00:16:49,261
Seriously, Russell, your cracker!
361
00:16:54,941 --> 00:16:56,621
I could feed it to ya.
362
00:17:02,541 --> 00:17:03,901
Yes!
363
00:17:05,621 --> 00:17:06,981
Mm!
364
00:17:07,021 --> 00:17:08,221
Oh, sorry!
365
00:17:19,661 --> 00:17:21,021
KNOCKING
Agh!Agh!
366
00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:23,581
LAUGHS: Did I make you jump? Yeah?
367
00:17:23,621 --> 00:17:24,661
What are you do..?
368
00:17:24,701 --> 00:17:27,341
What are you watching,
a scary movie or something?
369
00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:28,581
We're watching Billy Elliot.
370
00:17:28,621 --> 00:17:30,741
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
371
00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,581
Come on, mate.
Come on, you can do this.
372
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:35,701
She snogged you.
373
00:17:35,741 --> 00:17:38,021
You're round her gaff and you've
spent �85 on a dog sitter.
374
00:17:38,061 --> 00:17:39,501
Tonight could be the night.
375
00:17:51,221 --> 00:17:53,781
Oh, sorry love. No, don't worry.
376
00:17:53,821 --> 00:17:55,181
Just gonna freshen up.
377
00:17:55,221 --> 00:17:56,661
Oh, yeah, great, yeah.
378
00:17:58,581 --> 00:18:00,621
Well, freshen away.
379
00:18:00,661 --> 00:18:02,261
Thank you! OK!
380
00:18:13,661 --> 00:18:14,781
Laurie...
381
00:18:23,421 --> 00:18:25,341
Sorry, Jules, why are you here?
382
00:18:25,381 --> 00:18:28,181
Er, just came to drop something off
for Danny,
383
00:18:29,381 --> 00:18:31,741
Er, sorry, lads,
384
00:18:31,781 --> 00:18:34,501
please tell me I am not looking at
385
00:18:34,541 --> 00:18:37,421
one of the university's many
missing whiteboards?!
386
00:18:37,461 --> 00:18:40,581
Er... No. Oh, for God's sake!
387
00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:42,381
Oh, my God!
388
00:18:44,181 --> 00:18:45,941
Yemi, is this true?
389
00:18:48,061 --> 00:18:50,501
Do you really think I'm creepy?
390
00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:54,141
No. Oh, my God, no, no -
I, I didn't...
391
00:18:54,181 --> 00:18:56,141
Jack, I said...I said "cheeky".
392
00:18:56,181 --> 00:18:58,141
Cheeky. Cheeky. Jack can't spell.
393
00:18:58,181 --> 00:19:00,221
Oh, OK, that makes sense.
394
00:19:00,261 --> 00:19:02,621
Cos I was like...creepy?!
395
00:19:02,661 --> 00:19:04,461
In what way?!
396
00:19:04,501 --> 00:19:06,781
Why's it, um, a reason to leave...?
397
00:19:06,821 --> 00:19:09,261
Oh, my God, Yemi,
are you dropping out?
398
00:19:09,301 --> 00:19:12,181
And I haven't taken this
decision lightly.
399
00:19:12,221 --> 00:19:14,861
Unlike Jack, who keeps banging on
about being the first in his family
400
00:19:14,901 --> 00:19:17,341
to go to university, I'm actually
gonna be the first in my family
401
00:19:17,381 --> 00:19:18,661
not to graduate university.
402
00:19:18,701 --> 00:19:20,821
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
403
00:19:20,861 --> 00:19:22,781
So, can I stay living here
for a bit?
404
00:19:22,821 --> 00:19:24,421
My parents are going to be very
angry with me
405
00:19:24,461 --> 00:19:26,541
and I need to figure out
how I'm going to tell the others.
406
00:19:27,621 --> 00:19:29,341
To be perfectly honest
with you, Yemi,
407
00:19:29,381 --> 00:19:30,901
if you hadn't just said
you were dropping out,
408
00:19:30,941 --> 00:19:32,501
I would have asked you to leave
anyway.
409
00:19:32,541 --> 00:19:35,261
What? This uni has a bit of
a reputation for fashion
410
00:19:35,301 --> 00:19:38,301
and the reputation is that the
best people come and then drop out -
411
00:19:38,341 --> 00:19:42,461
and anyone who stays is -
is a bit of a loser, to be honest!
412
00:19:42,501 --> 00:19:44,061
You've been here 13 years.
413
00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:46,941
Yeah, I know, but I'm wasn't
a fash-ist girlie, was I?
414
00:19:46,981 --> 00:19:49,101
I was a business and languages boff,
thank you.
415
00:19:49,141 --> 00:19:51,181
High 2:1, scraped by.
416
00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:54,101
Um, well, I'll sort the paperwork,
417
00:19:54,141 --> 00:19:55,981
and, um, you can stay here
till Crimbo -
418
00:19:56,021 --> 00:19:58,821
but then I'm chucking you out
onto the streets!
419
00:19:58,861 --> 00:20:00,741
Only joking!
420
00:20:00,781 --> 00:20:01,901
But I'm not... Oh -
421
00:20:01,941 --> 00:20:03,741
that is when you have to vacate
the premises, actually,
422
00:20:03,781 --> 00:20:06,061
so I'm not joking about that bit.
423
00:20:14,941 --> 00:20:17,781
SHE YAWNS
424
00:20:17,821 --> 00:20:19,781
Oh...
425
00:20:19,821 --> 00:20:24,741
Oh, dear, I think I'm tired,
Russell.
426
00:20:24,781 --> 00:20:27,461
Yeah, it's all that MSG.
427
00:20:27,501 --> 00:20:29,261
I think it's my bedtime.
428
00:20:30,661 --> 00:20:31,821
Oh...
429
00:20:31,861 --> 00:20:34,301
Thanks for a lovely night, though.
430
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:44,261
I've honestly had the best night.
431
00:20:44,301 --> 00:20:45,661
Yeah? Yeah!
432
00:20:47,221 --> 00:20:49,101
You look so handsome.
433
00:20:49,141 --> 00:20:51,941
Like, gruff and manly.
434
00:20:51,981 --> 00:20:54,181
Same. I mean, not...
435
00:20:54,221 --> 00:20:56,301
It's like the best first date
I've ever had.
436
00:20:56,341 --> 00:20:57,901
Are we adding any tip, my guys?
437
00:20:57,941 --> 00:20:59,821
Absolutely not, no.
438
00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:04,501
Do you maybe wanna
come back to mine?
439
00:21:05,861 --> 00:21:08,781
I've got a large jar of Nutella
and two teaspoons.
440
00:21:10,021 --> 00:21:15,221
Ooh, make them tablespoons and,
yeah, I might just do, Mr Millar.
441
00:21:15,261 --> 00:21:16,421
Yeah?!
442
00:21:21,901 --> 00:21:23,101
NAN: Peggy, what you doing?
443
00:21:23,141 --> 00:21:24,541
Hello?
444
00:21:24,581 --> 00:21:27,261
Your house is only 500 metres away,
445
00:21:27,301 --> 00:21:31,941
so, I might've been occasionally
listening in to your date.
446
00:21:31,981 --> 00:21:33,901
This is so invasive.
447
00:21:33,941 --> 00:21:37,261
Look, you've gotta stop getting
cold feet.
448
00:21:37,301 --> 00:21:39,221
You can do this, girl.
449
00:21:42,061 --> 00:21:44,101
You need your birthday,
you need the time
450
00:21:44,141 --> 00:21:45,821
and then the place
that you were born.
451
00:21:45,861 --> 00:21:47,061
The place? Yes.
452
00:21:47,101 --> 00:21:48,941
Yes, like the hospital.
What's that got to do with it?
453
00:21:48,981 --> 00:21:51,261
Flippin' hell! Sorry, sorry, sorry!
454
00:21:51,301 --> 00:21:55,301
You... You know that voucher
you just discreetly gave to me?
455
00:21:55,341 --> 00:21:56,421
Right, OK. Yeah.
456
00:21:56,461 --> 00:21:58,101
It says the QR code's
already been used.
457
00:21:58,141 --> 00:21:59,221
What?
458
00:21:59,261 --> 00:22:01,021
Used earlier by ShanandNanNigans
459
00:22:01,061 --> 00:22:03,621
PartyPlannersLimited
Incorporated@Gmail.com.
460
00:22:03,661 --> 00:22:04,781
Fuck's sake.
461
00:22:04,821 --> 00:22:06,181
Don't worry, we'll just split it.
462
00:22:06,221 --> 00:22:08,581
No, no. It's all right,
I've got this.
463
00:22:08,621 --> 00:22:10,941
OK, so, it's �136, please.
464
00:22:10,981 --> 00:22:12,461
Is it?
465
00:22:12,501 --> 00:22:13,901
OK.
466
00:22:15,741 --> 00:22:17,501
Oh, it's too much to tap.
467
00:22:17,541 --> 00:22:20,221
Right, cos it's �136.
468
00:22:20,261 --> 00:22:21,621
Danny, please can we just split it?
469
00:22:21,661 --> 00:22:24,021
Absolutely not, all right?
Fuck - just fuck off.
470
00:22:25,901 --> 00:22:27,301
Mazing.
471
00:22:30,901 --> 00:22:32,661
See you later. See ya.
472
00:22:34,141 --> 00:22:36,261
Look, don't apologise.
We don't have time.
473
00:22:36,301 --> 00:22:39,141
I'm just glad you invited me back,
because...
474
00:22:40,621 --> 00:22:41,781
..I gambled on a bluey, and.
475
00:22:41,821 --> 00:22:43,781
Ooh, Russell!
476
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,741
Have I shown you
my new velvet ottoman?
477
00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:47,221
Not yet, no.
478
00:22:51,861 --> 00:22:54,701
It's velvet. From Dunelm.
479
00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:57,061
Oh, my God, you know exactly
what to say to a man.
480
00:22:59,581 --> 00:23:00,901
Never tell me to fuck off.
481
00:23:00,941 --> 00:23:01,941
No...
482
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:05,941
Come on, I wasn't telling you to,
like, "fuck off" fuck off, was I?
483
00:23:05,981 --> 00:23:08,861
I meant like, "Fuck off!"
484
00:23:09,941 --> 00:23:12,021
OK, I'm sorry, all right?
I'm just - I'm skint,
485
00:23:12,061 --> 00:23:15,061
and the money my nan saved
for her care is running out, and...
486
00:23:15,101 --> 00:23:17,341
Look, I'm probably gonna have
to start wanking on cam soon.
487
00:23:17,381 --> 00:23:19,381
Mr King, I've had my loan
come through,
488
00:23:19,421 --> 00:23:20,941
so we are splitting the bill -
489
00:23:20,981 --> 00:23:22,621
and that doesn't emasculate you,
490
00:23:22,661 --> 00:23:25,821
it just means we are
an equal couple, OK?
491
00:23:25,861 --> 00:23:27,581
OK.
492
00:23:27,621 --> 00:23:29,101
You're like a child!
493
00:23:34,741 --> 00:23:36,701
OK, I do have some bad news.
494
00:23:36,741 --> 00:23:38,301
Hit me. I'm nearly 30,
495
00:23:38,341 --> 00:23:40,581
I've got indigestion,
and I'm too full to have sex.
496
00:23:40,621 --> 00:23:41,861
Oh, thank God. Same.
497
00:23:41,901 --> 00:23:43,541
But, good news -
498
00:23:43,581 --> 00:23:45,661
we can watch a film
on my new...laptop.
499
00:23:45,701 --> 00:23:47,701
What?! Yeah, Jules gave me
a free MacBook.
500
00:23:47,741 --> 00:23:48,861
She said there was one going spare
501
00:23:48,901 --> 00:23:50,541
cos one of the dyslexic students
left for Isis, so...
502
00:23:50,581 --> 00:23:51,981
Oh, for goodness' sake!
503
00:23:52,021 --> 00:23:53,821
If we just properly supported the
dyslexic kids,
504
00:23:53,861 --> 00:23:55,461
maybe they wouldn't feel the need
505
00:23:55,501 --> 00:23:57,541
to have to join
a terrorist organisation.
506
00:23:57,581 --> 00:23:59,061
I love you.
507
00:24:00,141 --> 00:24:01,581
You love me?
508
00:24:02,821 --> 00:24:04,301
What?
509
00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:07,341
You love me, mate?
510
00:24:07,381 --> 00:24:08,701
Fuck off.
511
00:24:18,381 --> 00:24:20,381
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