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1
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:10,093
♪ I live to survive
another heartache ♪
2
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:13,972
♪ I live to survive
another mistake ♪
3
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,436
Look, I know it wasn't
the best Thanksgiving,
4
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,688
but Nico is going to be fine.
5
00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:24,691
Yeah, he's my baby boy.
6
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,109
He's 21, Dad.
7
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,277
Yeah, but he's sensitive.
8
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,863
He's not tough and brawny
like you.
9
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,781
- Brawny?
- Look, don't worry about me
10
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:32,865
or this family.
11
00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:34,951
You go have fun, study hard,
12
00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:36,453
find a boyfriend...
13
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,288
Be young.
14
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,707
Okay. I love you.
15
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,375
Are you sure
you're good to drive?
16
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,461
I don't know, we'll see.
17
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,254
I think so.
18
00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:47,964
Goodbye, pumpkin.
19
00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:50,049
♪ Another mistake ♪
20
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,093
♪ Another heartache ♪
21
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:53,303
Here, hold your bag.
22
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:54,804
- I'm fine, Carol.
- All right.
23
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,639
Oh, my God, Whitney, hi!
24
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,142
How was your Thanksgiving?
Really good.
25
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,019
Wait, did you guys
drive here from Arizona?
26
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,604
Isn't that a long trip?
27
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,939
Yeah, it's 39 hours,
and it felt like a lot more.
28
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:08,568
Yup, it ended up costing
$1,500 in gas and hotels.
29
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,862
And we got in a couple
really bad arguments.
30
00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,655
Ah, wouldn't change a thing.
31
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,948
Hi!
Hey.
32
00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,575
Oh, my goodness.
How's your family?
33
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,535
- Uh, good. We adopted a dog.
- Ooh.
34
00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,472
My mom thought it would help
her approval ratings.
35
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,997
It did not.
She returned it.
36
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,791
- Oh.
- She is an amazing woman.
37
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,250
I always defend her
to my buddies.
38
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,794
- Dad!
- Well, honey,
39
00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,521
we should head out.
I gotta work in the morning.
40
00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:29,005
- In Arizona?
- Yeah.
41
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:30,215
We're gonna try not to stop.
42
00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,508
Bye, sweetie.
Okay, bye.
43
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,842
- We love you.
- Drive safe.
44
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,427
Love you.
I love you, pinochle.
45
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,054
♪ Watch me,
I'm back on my feet ♪
46
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,348
After that long drive,
I just really wanna relax.
47
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:39,641
Yeah.
48
00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:41,017
Whitney!
Kimberly!
49
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,644
I missed you bitches.
Come here!
50
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:43,727
- Hey.
- Hey, Bela.
51
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:44,646
Uh, sorry,
52
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:45,939
where are your clothes?
53
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,690
Oh!
Got in about 15 minutes ago,
54
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,692
got comfortable,
made myself some snacks.
55
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,170
My parents were, like,
obsessed with me
56
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,546
wearing clothes at home.
Oh, totally.
57
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:53,714
Would you mind
putting a towel down
58
00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:54,864
before you sit on the sofa?
59
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,033
- Why?
- Because of your butt.
60
00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:58,368
Oh.
61
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,328
- Leighton, hey!
- Welcome back!
62
00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:02,831
- Hey!
- Hi, all.
63
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,041
I have an announcement.
64
00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:06,268
Why are you in your underwear?
65
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,752
For comfort.
66
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,588
Okay, well, Nico got expelled.
67
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:11,881
- What?
- Oh, my God.
68
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,383
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
69
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,152
When Kimberly turned
in the stolen test files,
70
00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:17,720
the administration started
an investigation,
71
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,223
and a bunch of senior Thetas
got kicked out.
72
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,642
The seniors?
But they were the hottest ones.
73
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,102
What's Nico gonna do?
74
00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:25,937
Well, thankfully,
my dad was able to make
75
00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:29,107
a big donation to Cornell and
got him a spot next semester.
76
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,901
And they got him an Audi
to try and cheer him up.
77
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,112
Mm-kay, this story
is getting less sympathetic.
78
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,573
I'm so sorry.
Your brother was gorgeous,
79
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,950
and I'm gonna miss seeing his
face and body around campus.
80
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,535
Thank you.
81
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,079
Are you wearing my underwear?
82
00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:45,498
Just the bra... oh!
Bottoms too.
83
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,251
♪ We got one night only ♪
84
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,919
♪ Put your money
where your mouth is ♪
85
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,629
♪ And I'ma show you
how I bounce ♪
86
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,257
♪ If I burst, son,
I might hurt some ♪
87
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,925
- Kimberly.
- Yeah?
88
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,945
Did you tell your parents
about losing your scholarship?
89
00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,697
Oh, I couldn't find the right
time to mention it to them.
90
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,801
What do you mean? You were
in the car for 39 hours.
91
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,534
Yeah, don't you need,
like, a lot of money?
92
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,603
Oh, just $42,000 per year...
93
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,479
$138,000 total.
94
00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,773
Seriously?
That's, like, four cars,
95
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,358
or, like,
five of Leighton's purses.
96
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,242
Dude, I think you need
to tell your parents.
97
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,778
I can't.
It would kill them.
98
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,339
I need to figure out
a solution on my own.
99
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,990
Solution's right here.
100
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,342
Ask one of these
two moneybags for it.
101
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:21,784
Their parents are loaded.
Uh...
102
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,161
I mean, don't look at me.
103
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,889
Leighton's family's
way richer than mine is.
104
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,789
We're politician rich.
105
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,791
Well, most of my family's
wealth is tied up
106
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,419
in real estate and, um,
several racehorses.
107
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:32,712
Oh, you guys don't need
108
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,464
to make your rich
families sound poor.
109
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,424
I would never ask
either of you for money.
110
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,260
I got myself into this,
and I'll get myself out.
111
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,304
Wait, I've got it.
If you need extra money,
112
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:42,698
you should sell feet pics
on the dark web.
113
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:43,973
That's certainly
114
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,767
an interesting idea.
Kimberly, no.
115
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:48,311
Just go to the financial aid
office and apply for a loan.
116
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,438
No! My plan is better.
You've got long toes,
117
00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:51,624
and there's
a real market for that.
118
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:52,649
- Stop!
- Bela!
119
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:53,732
What?
Don't shame me
120
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:54,943
for my good ideas.
121
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,026
♪ Whoo! ♪
122
00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,323
Guys, what are we always
saying this campus needs?
123
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,550
- Better Wi-Fi?
- A decent place
124
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:02,659
to get my eyebrows tinted?
125
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:03,928
A memorial to Native peoples.
126
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,328
No.
127
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,830
An all-female comedy magazine.
128
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,123
Both: Hm.
- I'm starting one
129
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,207
with some friends.
130
00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:11,352
We're toppling the patriarchy
131
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,835
one top-ten list at a time.
132
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,796
Are magazines, like,
a thing anymore?
133
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,815
Well, ours would mostly be
an Instagram presence,
134
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,675
a sassy Twitter account,
and a website
135
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,235
that we haven't bought
the domain for yet.
136
00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:21,803
It's gonna be huge.
That's so cool.
137
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,554
- Yeah.
- Bela, I have to say,
138
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,014
so far, I support this.
139
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,349
- Yeah.
All: Ah!
140
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,810
- What the fuck?
- Oh, my God, are you okay?
141
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,853
Did somebody just hit me
with a milk carton?
142
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,730
Oh, man.
You just got nailed.
143
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,148
Yeah, that was so fucked up.
144
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,858
- Yeah, I know.
- That must have been
145
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,026
really surprising.
146
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,861
Um, yeah, it was.
147
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,114
So even though
you didn't do anything wrong,
148
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,740
something bad
still happened to you?
149
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,367
Why are you talking like that?
150
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,761
Yeah, it sounds like
the beginning of a parable.
151
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,078
'Cause we're in fucking Theta,
152
00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:49,330
and you guys got
our charter suspended.
153
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,599
Wait, is that
what this is about,
154
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:51,874
the stupid test thing?
155
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,793
Yeah, you narced on us,
you narcs.
156
00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,545
That stunt you pulled fucked us.
157
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:56,921
We can't throw parties anymore.
158
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,424
So you threw
a fucking milk at me?
159
00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:02,051
This sweater cost $800!
What?
160
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,612
You dickheads were
the ones cheating.
161
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:04,916
We were just the whistleblowers.
162
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,264
Yeah, and I didn't even do it.
163
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:07,557
All right? It was her.
164
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,183
I am kind of responsible
for that.
165
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,853
I know. I meant to hit you,
but my aim was off.
166
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,479
It doesn't matter.
From now on,
167
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,065
none of you are ever
setting foot in Theta again.
168
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,777
Uh!
He took my clementine.
169
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,074
I'm so sorry
that happened to you.
170
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,201
Eh, I'm used to it.
My mom and I have gotten
171
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,120
blood thrown on us
outside multiple operas.
172
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:32,165
Guys, I can't believe we
can't party at Theta anymore.
173
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,541
Who cares about Theta?
174
00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:35,251
They can't even
throw parties anymore.
175
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:38,129
We'll just find a new frat
to hang with.
176
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,006
Oh, my God.
177
00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:41,507
- What?
- Look.
178
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:45,887
♪ Drive all night
to find out ♪
179
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:49,098
♪ What you can't see ♪
180
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:53,686
♪ Cities lighting up
the midnight sky ♪
181
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,273
Girls, remember not
to congregate in the hallways.
182
00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:58,733
It is a fire hazard.
183
00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:01,402
These old buildings
are tinder boxes, so...
184
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,988
- Thanks, Frude.
- See you at the FAF meeting.
185
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,160
Welcome back, my Fresh-Them.
186
00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:11,788
I hope you enjoyed
American Thanksgiving,
187
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,040
and I'm relieved
so few of you transferred.
188
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:16,292
I do have exciting news.
189
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,586
We have a new
student joining us,
190
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,963
and he is climate refugee.
191
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,799
Wow, I think it's great
192
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,717
that we're taking in
a displaced person.
193
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,552
Yeah, are they
from a developing nation?
194
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,554
No, he's from Kansas.
195
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,056
Ah, here he is now.
196
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,809
Everyone,
please give a warm welcome
197
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:36,479
to our climate refugee, Jackson.
198
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:37,480
- Hello.
- Wait,
199
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,815
you're the climate refugee?
200
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,024
You're white.
Bela.
201
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:42,151
- What the hell?
- Sweetheart, um,
202
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,861
tell us what happened to you,
203
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,780
and if you're straight
and single.
204
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,116
I really don't
know how else to say it.
205
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,993
My college dorm was blown away
by a Category 4 tornado.
206
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,161
Shit.
207
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,412
- Wow.
- Wait, what?
208
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,289
That's terrible.
But Frude,
209
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:56,999
I think the term
"refugee" implies
210
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,584
more of an international
displacement.
211
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,212
Uh, Kimberly,
do not offend my new friend.
212
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:02,588
He's been through enough.
213
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,590
I think climate change is real.
214
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,926
- Yeah, are you serious?
- I didn't say it wasn't.
215
00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:08,886
And speaking of climate change,
216
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,514
tomorrow's forecast
calls for snow,
217
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:15,852
which brings with it Essex's
oldest non-racist tradition,
218
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,562
The Annual Snow Run.
219
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,188
Oh, my God!
220
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,232
Is that where we run
in the snow in our underwear?
221
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,692
That is correct.
222
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,253
Should we pregame
or wait till we get there?
223
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,778
Oh, we should absolutely
pregame.
224
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,488
The booze in our dorm
is way better.
225
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:31,325
Reminder, underage drinking
is illegal and not fun.
226
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,870
But what is fun
is our next juicy topic...
227
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,955
Avoiding seasonal depression.
228
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,503
Hey, Kimberly.
229
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,966
Hey, did you buy me a column
of gay pride balloons?
230
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,342
Oh, my God. I did.
231
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,969
I'm so sorry.
232
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,889
I assumed you told Whitney
and Bela over break,
233
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,100
but then you didn't,
and I couldn't cancel them.
234
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,393
Did anyone else see them?
235
00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,687
Have I outed you?
Am I bad ally?
236
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,439
No, you're fine.
237
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:03,002
I'm just disturbed
that you think I am
238
00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:05,359
the kind of gay person
who would like that.
239
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,403
Got it. When you come out
to Whitney and Bela,
240
00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:09,030
I'll get you a classier
balloon tower.
241
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,574
My ideal coming-out
does not involve balloons.
242
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,242
No balloons at all, please.
243
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,869
Are you gonna tell
Bela and Whitney?
244
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:18,789
At some point, probably,
but not right now.
245
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,083
Well, I'm here for you.
246
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,711
Okay, I gotta go
to the financial aid office
247
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:24,921
to ask for a loan.
248
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,172
Wish me luck.
249
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,257
Wait, wearing your Sips uniform?
250
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,092
Yeah, I want them
to know I have a job.
251
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,510
It's pretty smart, right?
252
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,846
Kimberly, banks only
give money to people
253
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:37,099
who look like
they already have money.
254
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,183
Let me help you.
255
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,894
♪ You're cold as ice ♪
256
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,649
♪ I wanna make you
feel real nice ♪
257
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,568
♪ I wanna make you feel ♪
258
00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,195
- Kimberly Finkle?
- Here.
259
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,033
I'm so psyched
for the off-season.
260
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,719
I got hit with a soccer ball
so many times,
261
00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,620
I think my titties got CTE.
262
00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,830
So what are we gonna do
with all our free time?
263
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,165
I'm thinking sleeping till 3:00
264
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,729
and then drinking
till the other 3:00.
265
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,632
Mm, that's a no for me.
My schedule's packed.
266
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,254
Already?
How?
267
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,773
Off-season is when
we do all the stuff
268
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,131
we can't do during soccer.
269
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,716
I'm running
for student government.
270
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,802
Have you seen those losers?
I'm gon' clean up.
271
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,387
Why would you wanna do that?
272
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:16,347
Pad that grad school résumé,
babe.
273
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,724
Yeah, I've got basketball.
I'm a two-season athlete.
274
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,601
But you were just joking
about sleeping
275
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,311
and drinking all day, right?
276
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,314
Yes, duh, totally.
277
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,025
I've got so much going on.
Let's go.
278
00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:36,033
Well, Ms. Finkle,
279
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,803
I think we're gonna be able
to get you this loan.
280
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,162
Oh, my God, really?
That's such a relief.
281
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,999
I'm happy to help.
Do you, uh, have any questions?
282
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,417
- No.
- Actually, yes.
283
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,961
When does the loan start
accruing interest,
284
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:48,754
and is it fixed or variable?
285
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,172
Great questions.
286
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,717
Let me just get you
this pamphlet.
287
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:53,968
Oh, wow.
288
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:55,845
Everyone in here looks so happy.
289
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,221
Kimberly, they're print models.
290
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,015
I've seen that girl
in a NuvaRing ad.
291
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,600
Can you at least walk us
through the payback structure?
292
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:04,603
Uh, well, with a loan your size,
293
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:08,357
you'd be paying about $900
a month for the next 30 years.
294
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,110
But with autopay,
it's like you don't even know
295
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:12,862
the money's leaving
your account.
296
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,048
You're gonna be paying this
back until you're, like, 50.
297
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:18,951
Oh, the payoff age is
actually late-60s on average.
298
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:21,620
Oh.
I don't have any other options.
299
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,414
I'd like to go ahead
with the loan.
300
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,167
Wonderful,
let's get you that shmoney.
301
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,668
I'm just gonna go grab
the paperwork
302
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,211
for your parents to cosign.
303
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,713
No!
304
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,966
I mean, what if
that's not an option?
305
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:38,804
I'm sorry, but a cosigner
is kind of a non-negotiable.
306
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:42,516
Oh, then I don't think
I can do this.
307
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,976
Thanks for your time.
308
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:48,898
Welcome, funny ladies of Essex.
309
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:51,067
We're so happy
you're interested in joining
310
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:55,946
our school's first ever,
female-only comedy magazine.
311
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,741
I know what you're thinking.
312
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:01,452
Will it be hard to do this
without a bunch of guys
313
00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:04,288
who steal all their ideas
from Conan and "SNL"?
314
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:05,831
No, it will not.
315
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,124
If you're in this room,
316
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,751
it means you're part
of the movement...
317
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,834
Except for that guy,
who's doing homework, I think.
318
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:13,255
We're still working on finding
a permanent meeting space.
319
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,966
We're so excited
to read your submissions.
320
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,927
Mm-hmm.
In a few short days,
321
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,804
some of you lucky ladies
will be joining us
322
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,889
in writing our groundbreaking
first edition
323
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,433
as one of our newfound
comedy sisters.
324
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,522
Holy shit,
these girls are unfunny turds.
325
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,357
In a good way?
326
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,983
How would that be in a good way?
327
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,652
Bela, you're overreacting.
328
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,697
Some are... fine.
Have you read these?
329
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,615
This girl wrote a poem
about celiac disease,
330
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:42,952
and this girl wrote
a phrase called "OBGY-LOL."
331
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,871
What does that even mean?
So they have a lot to learn.
332
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,165
We'll teach them.
I really need this to work.
333
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,917
I wanna write with writers
that are funny,
334
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,335
like you and Jo.
335
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,212
- And me.
- Sure.
336
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,023
Look, none of us thought
we were gonna find
337
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,591
a bunch of amazing and
hilarious people right away.
338
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,885
Just be patient, okay?
339
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,053
Okay.
340
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,806
♪ Never gonna be the same ♪
341
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,474
Sorry about your loan, Kimberly.
342
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,838
If it makes you feel any better,
343
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,644
my new comedy magazine's
a disaster.
344
00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:09,854
Really?
Why?
345
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,313
Because they all stink.
346
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,041
I'm worried "The Catullan"
was onto something
347
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,984
not letting women
join until 1994.
348
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,610
- Mmm.
- Look, I don't know anything
349
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,028
about comedy...
So true.
350
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,363
So, so true.
351
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,167
But maybe, before
you throw this all away,
352
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:22,801
you should talk to someone
who's done it before.
353
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,160
That does seem like good advice.
354
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:25,661
Ooh, well,
I have some cool news.
355
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:27,144
I'm gonna be
on the water polo team.
356
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:28,372
- Really?
- What?
357
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,999
I didn't know you played
water polo.
358
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,042
Oh, I don't... yet.
But it seems easy.
359
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,502
Based off a video I watched,
360
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,938
I think it's just pool soccer
with hands.
361
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,130
And then we can hang out
362
00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:37,506
with the water polo guys.
363
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,550
You know,
maybe things are looking up.
364
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:41,260
Ow, my boob!
365
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:43,679
What the fuck?
366
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:45,681
Sorry.
Not really, though.
367
00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:48,392
♪ I don't need no drugs
at the disco ♪
368
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,394
Now it's trash, you trash.
369
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:51,687
Put your clothes on.
370
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,439
♪ On the dance floor ♪
371
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,900
Aw, fuck.
I gotta ice my boob.
372
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,402
Wait, what is that?
373
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,490
Did you guys hear that?
374
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,701
Oh, my God.
375
00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:06,994
Sex noises!
376
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,305
Wait,
that's the climate refugee.
377
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,455
That's his room.
378
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:12,208
Wonder who she is.
379
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,186
Well, whoever she is, she's
having the time of her life.
380
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,128
They are being so loud.
381
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,898
It's literal noise pollution.
I'm gonna knock.
382
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,215
- Don't you dare!
- Oh, ow, ow.
383
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,698
Just let me record
a little first.
384
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:31,185
Bela?
It's 8:15 in the morning.
385
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,604
Why are you here?
It's urgent.
386
00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,397
How did you find my apartment?
387
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,900
It was a very conscious choice
to not tell you where it was.
388
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,735
Look, my new magazine
is a disaster.
389
00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:41,904
All the applicants suck,
which is why I've decided
390
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,747
to immediately give up
and accept my old spot
391
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,366
on "The Catullan."
Bela's back.
392
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:46,575
You're welcome.
393
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,869
Um, no.
394
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,931
I don't think anyone's gonna
be excited to work with a girl
395
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,748
who left and stole all
of our good writers.
396
00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:54,875
They left willingly.
"The Catullan" sucked.
397
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,520
You just said you wanted
to come back to it.
398
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,879
Fine then.
Will you join my magazine?
399
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:02,007
What can I say that will
help you leave my apartment?
400
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,593
What do I do?
401
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,137
Um, okay,
402
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,306
so you're building
a team, right?
403
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,892
So you gotta look at this
as your LeBron moment.
404
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,812
This is your chance to put
together a super comedy lineup.
405
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,355
Right?
Like, LeBron didn't just wait
406
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:17,731
for people
to come join the team.
407
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:18,899
He went out, and he found
408
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,043
Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.
409
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,944
Uh-huh, got it.
410
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,779
Can you put that
in not sports terms?
411
00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:26,282
Just find a bunch
of funny people.
412
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:27,616
Cool.
413
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,165
Good morning, ladies.
414
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,959
Welcome to water polo tryouts.
415
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,545
We're gonna do a scrimmage so
I can assess your skill level.
416
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:40,921
This seems fun.
417
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,464
You ever played
water polo before?
418
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,800
Yup, I played competitively
for eight years.
419
00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:47,011
Yeah, I just started,
but I'm pretty sure
420
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:48,554
it's gonna be my life now too.
421
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,639
Ooh, also, real quick,
what are the rules?
422
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,141
Up, up, up, up! Let's go!
423
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,535
Come on, ladies!
Get in the water!
424
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,685
Here we go, yes!
425
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:58,355
All right, let's go. Pass it!
426
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:01,442
How are you guys not using
your arms to swim right now?
427
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,027
Come on, you got this!
428
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,404
- Whoo!
- Which team am I on again?
429
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:06,697
Let's go!
Quickly!
430
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:08,991
Me, I got it!
I'm open...
431
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,910
Mm.
432
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,120
Transition! High!
433
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,415
- Oy.
- I'm open! I'm ope...
434
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:24,840
You got knocked out,
but I gave you mouth-to-mouth.
435
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,800
Thanks.
436
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,594
I think I get the rules now.
437
00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,179
Should I jump back in?
438
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,262
No.
439
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:41,106
- So how'd it go with the loan?
- Honestly, not great.
440
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,442
They said they need my parents
to cosign my loan,
441
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,319
and I can't tell them
what happened.
442
00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,297
- So what are you gonna do?
- Ooh, I have an idea.
443
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:49,823
My cousin got a bunch of money
when she was hit by a city bus.
444
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,742
Do that.
Actually, I found
445
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:55,037
a super high-paying second job
I can do from my dorm room.
446
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,872
I'm typing up
the closed captioning
447
00:15:56,955 --> 00:16:00,376
for a reality show called
"Sex Paradise: Australia."
448
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,461
- That's a job?
- It sure is.
449
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,088
All I have to do
is watch an episode,
450
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,715
listen very closely, and
type up what they're saying...
451
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,485
And the noises they make
in the Pleasure Hut...
452
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:12,012
For 20 freakin' bucks an hour.
That's disgusting.
453
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,736
How many episodes
are they paying you for?
454
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,349
It's 300 episodes a season.
455
00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:17,017
So if I can
find time to transcribe
456
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,895
for at least 50 hours a week,
on top of my school work
457
00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:23,065
and my Sips job, my finances
will be totally taken care of.
458
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,483
That's too much.
459
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:26,086
You should just tell
your mom what happened
460
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,277
and have her cosign a loan.
461
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,071
No, I'm gonna go with my thing.
462
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,280
Okay.
463
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,701
I don't have
any other interests.
464
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:38,038
Okay, what would you say
is my thing, besides soccer?
465
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,998
That you're cool.
466
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,751
- Mm-hmm.
- And you're pretty.
467
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,295
And you can kind of sing
karaoke, but not really.
468
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,755
Seriously, Canaan.
469
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,507
I don't get what's going on.
470
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,385
I guess I'm feeling... lost.
471
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:55,556
Okay, well, what do you wanna
do with your life?
472
00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:58,142
I don't know.
What about you?
473
00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,436
Well, I actually have
a very detailed ten-year plan
474
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,839
that will hopefully lead me
into starting my own hedge fund
475
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,606
that focuses
on impact investing.
476
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:05,875
So I'll basically
be helping people
477
00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:07,192
while getting very, very rich.
478
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,795
That's exactly
what I'm talking about.
479
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,779
I feel like I'm the only
person in college
480
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,866
who doesn't have their whole
life already figured out.
481
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,784
It kind of sucks.
482
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:19,121
Well, I know
you're gonna figure it out,
483
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:22,332
because you're smart, and
whatever you put your mind to,
484
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,334
you're gonna kill it.
485
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:27,129
- Thank you.
- Unless it's water polo.
486
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:29,882
I knew you were gonna do that.
487
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,137
Oh, my God, you guys.
488
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,681
Okay, there is
so much snow already.
489
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,016
Are we sure this is safe?
490
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,268
Like, do people get
boob frostbite?
491
00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:44,146
I don't think so, but it's
definitely worth a Google.
492
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,149
Okay, so the snow run ends
at Frat Row,
493
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,085
where all the frats will be
hosting big parties,
494
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,402
and since Theta's out,
495
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,279
I did some comprehensive
Instagram stalking
496
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,156
to figure out
the next best option,
497
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,200
and it is definitely Omega Pi.
498
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:57,643
Their guys are
for sure the hottest
499
00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,053
if anyone wants to check.
Is that why
500
00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:00,621
my printer is out of ink?
It's 2022.
501
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:02,390
Why do you even have a printer?
This is on you.
502
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:04,333
As I was saying,
Omega Pi's hosting
503
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:05,959
a huge Winter Underland party.
504
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,795
It is gonna be lit,
and we're all going.
505
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:10,923
Not me. I have to stay home
and do some closed captioning.
506
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,841
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
507
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,177
I think this is gonna be
my new normal for a while.
508
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,013
All right.
We gotta go, ladies.
509
00:18:18,096 --> 00:18:19,657
Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait.
Can I just say
510
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,534
that all three of us look
so fucking hot right now
511
00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,918
and that this is gonna be one
of the best days of our lives!
512
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,688
Ah!
Oh, my God!
513
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,441
Aah!
Ah, my-ow, ow!
514
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:30,984
Ah!
Bela, Bela, stop, stop.
515
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,111
- Get up! Get up!
- Ow, ow, ow.
516
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,530
Jessica has just made
517
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,448
the bloody agonizing decision
518
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,950
to dump Braxton,
519
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:40,702
and now she deals
with the consequences.
520
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,621
You know,
it's, like, a game, right?
521
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,040
But it's also, like,
finding love, you know?
522
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,417
What the fuck is she saying?
523
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,044
To dump Braxton,
524
00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:52,005
and now she deals
with the consequences.
525
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,715
You know,
it's, like, a game, right?
526
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,759
But it's also, like,
finding love, you know?
527
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:13,735
God damn it.
528
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,404
Can you please keep it down?
529
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,242
Shut up!
530
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,577
Assholes!
531
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,878
Everyone, drink up!
We run in two minutes!
532
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,299
My eyeballs are cold.
533
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:36,382
- Yeah.
- Uh, same.
534
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,509
- Hey!
- Oh!
535
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,760
- You're here!
- Kimberly!
536
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,154
What... I thought you had to work.
537
00:19:40,178 --> 00:19:41,763
I don't think I can do that job.
538
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:44,057
Drunk Australian people
are so hard to understand,
539
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,268
especially with our neighbor
having sex so loud.
540
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,371
Well, you don't have to fix
all your problems tonight,
541
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:50,564
but there is one thing
you do have to do.
542
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:51,940
Exactly.
Take off that coat.
543
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,525
Let me see those granny panties.
544
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:54,609
- Ah!
- Ah.
545
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,278
- Oh!
- God damn,
546
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:59,114
underneath all those unstylish
clothes, you're, like, hot.
547
00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:00,449
Oh, hell yeah,
548
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,868
congrats
on the underwear glow-up, girl.
549
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,494
Everybody ready to run?
550
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,873
Three, two, one,
551
00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:09,791
strip and go!
552
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,545
♪ Let's get to it and work ♪
553
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,839
♪ 'Cause I hope you work well
under pressure ♪
554
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:17,257
♪ And you better work ♪
555
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,967
Move, bitch!
I'm fast!
556
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,719
Ah!
557
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,280
♪ 'Cause I hope you work
well under pressure ♪
558
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,393
Whoa.
559
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:29,686
Ow!
560
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,146
- Hey.
- Yeah.
561
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,732
Fuck Theta.
Omega Pi is where it's at.
562
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,951
I have never seen this many hot,
563
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,702
shirtless men in one place.
564
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,663
I know.
I'm taking screenshots
565
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,373
but with my brain for later.
566
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:52,167
Same, except I also took
a couple pictures on my phone.
567
00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,252
Oh, see that pack
of cis daddies right there?
568
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,189
I can see every single
one of their dick shapes.
569
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:58,507
Homie on the right got
a big ol' toddler arm
570
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,050
in his boxer briefs.
571
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:02,678
- Lila?
- Hmm?
572
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,238
Would you ever be interested
in writing a listicle
573
00:21:04,262 --> 00:21:05,862
about dick shapes
for my comedy magazine?
574
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,283
Well, I don't know
what the fuck a listicle is,
575
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:09,017
but hell yes, bitch,
let's do it.
576
00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:23,156
Hey, I'm Sara.
577
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,033
Hey, I'm Kimberly.
This is Leighton.
578
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,202
Cool.
You wanna dance?
579
00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:29,746
Um, I'm actually just dancing
with my friend right now.
580
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,123
Okay.
581
00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,846
I was actually gonna go
to the bathroom,
582
00:21:32,874 --> 00:21:34,793
so I'm gonna go do that.
583
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,964
So, uh, you want a shot?
584
00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:41,800
From the smell of it, I'd say
it's shockingly bad tequila.
585
00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:44,011
Mm, horrible.
586
00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,137
Yeah, I'm down.
587
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,305
No, let me do it for you.
588
00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:49,599
Open your mouth.
589
00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:54,187
Um, actually, I'm good.
I'm good.
590
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,273
Um, sorry,
but I only drink top shelf.
591
00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:57,899
All right.
592
00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:00,402
Thanks.
593
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:05,866
♪ I'm ready to go,
so tell me, are ya, are ya? ♪
594
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:08,243
- Are my boobs poppin' out?
- No, you're good.
595
00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:11,496
I'm trying to make on-purpose
nip slips my signature move.
596
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,081
Ooh.
597
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,500
Oh, that fucking
climate refugee is here.
598
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:18,420
Holy shit.
Look at him holding that beer.
599
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:19,671
Dude has Marvel arms.
600
00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:21,256
Yeah.
Yeah, now I kind of get
601
00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:23,383
why that girl was being so loud.
602
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:27,888
- Hi. It's Jackson, right?
- Yeah.
603
00:22:27,971 --> 00:22:30,182
Well, I'm Kimberly.
My room is right next to yours.
604
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:32,100
- Cool.
- It's actually not cool,
605
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:34,227
because you've been
at Essex for, like, three days,
606
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:35,854
and you're already having
the loudest,
607
00:22:35,937 --> 00:22:37,898
most performative sex
in the world.
608
00:22:37,981 --> 00:22:40,141
For your information, some
of the people at this school
609
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:41,818
have some really
important work to do,
610
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,445
and that's hard when you're,
611
00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,328
you know, grunting
your head off going like...
612
00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:47,508
On the other side of some very,
613
00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:49,201
very, thin drywall, okay?
614
00:22:49,284 --> 00:22:50,786
- You done?
- Yeah, I think so.
615
00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:53,580
Well, just so you know,
it actually kind of sucks
616
00:22:53,663 --> 00:22:55,290
sharing a wall with you too.
617
00:22:55,373 --> 00:22:57,042
What the hell ass TV show
618
00:22:57,125 --> 00:22:59,127
have you been watching
so loudly?
619
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,296
- It's called
"Sex Paradise: Australia."
620
00:23:01,379 --> 00:23:02,839
I didn't know you could hear it.
621
00:23:02,923 --> 00:23:05,217
Oh, I can.
622
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:07,135
Let me see your phone.
623
00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:09,938
I've already hit
my data cap for the month,
624
00:23:09,971 --> 00:23:11,473
so don't go on YouTube.
625
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:12,974
Here.
Now you have my number.
626
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,726
Just shoot me a text
627
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,730
if anything on my side
of the wall gets too loud.
628
00:23:18,855 --> 00:23:22,651
- Yeah!
- Ah, yes, bitch!
629
00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:32,160
I don't know, man.
630
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,580
Thing is, she really doesn't
have anything besides soccer,
631
00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:37,749
so I didn't really know
what to say, you know?
632
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:40,293
Boom! Let's go.
That's mine.
633
00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:41,729
That's all me.
Run it back, run it back.
634
00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,514
Hey. You good?
635
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:54,933
Yeah. Course I am.
636
00:23:55,016 --> 00:23:56,226
Both: Ooh!
637
00:23:56,309 --> 00:23:58,854
Ah.
I just threw up in a trophy.
638
00:23:58,937 --> 00:24:00,522
Who wants another shot?
639
00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:02,625
Hey, whoa, whoa, you are
way too wasted to be here.
640
00:24:02,649 --> 00:24:04,025
I think I gotta take you home.
641
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:05,360
No, no, no...
642
00:24:05,443 --> 00:24:06,796
- I'm gonna text you later.
- Uh-huh.
643
00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,172
Say goodbye, champ.
It's time to go.
644
00:24:08,196 --> 00:24:09,257
Time to go.
Ugh, it tastes like
645
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:10,699
someone puked in my mouth!
646
00:24:10,782 --> 00:24:12,409
Did you guys have fun tonight?
647
00:24:12,492 --> 00:24:14,786
Yeah, we did!
Thanks for asking!
648
00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:16,246
Great,
649
00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:18,456
because it'll be the last
party you'll ever go to.
650
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,500
- Dude, what is your problem?
- Seriously.
651
00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:22,669
Who died and made you
king of all the frats?
652
00:24:22,752 --> 00:24:23,920
You're a Theta.
653
00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,024
These are the girls
I was telling you about,
654
00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:28,300
the ones who narced on us.
655
00:24:28,383 --> 00:24:29,718
You're a liability, bro.
656
00:24:29,801 --> 00:24:32,220
A liability?
More like like-ability.
657
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:33,889
We're a damn pleasure
to have around.
658
00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:35,223
Isn't that right?
Both: Mm-hmm.
659
00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:37,058
Y'all need to get the fuck out.
660
00:24:38,727 --> 00:24:40,896
- Oh, my God.
- We're gonna die.
661
00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:42,814
- I'm getting nipple frostbite.
- Fuck.
662
00:24:47,694 --> 00:24:50,238
Barring the fact that we got
banned from frats last night,
663
00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,865
I still think we had
a really fun time.
664
00:24:51,948 --> 00:24:54,242
Kimberly got
climate refugee's phone number.
665
00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:55,911
For emergencies.
666
00:24:55,994 --> 00:24:58,705
What about you, Leighton,
did you chat up any hotties?
667
00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:02,167
Fine. You're too classy
to kiss and tell.
668
00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,376
I get it.
669
00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:11,551
Uh, actually, there is something
670
00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:13,803
that I've been meaning
to tell you guys.
671
00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:18,934
I'm gay.
672
00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:22,520
Wow, Leighton, that's awesome.
673
00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:24,356
Should we hug?
I feel like we should hug.
674
00:25:24,439 --> 00:25:26,149
Uh, no, we don't...
We don't need to hug.
675
00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:29,277
Oh, Leighton, that's so cool.
And I-I'm so shocked.
676
00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:30,796
I mean, I had no idea.
I guess it's like
677
00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:32,239
my gaydar is way off
or something.
678
00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:33,740
Kimberly already knew,
didn't she?
679
00:25:33,823 --> 00:25:34,658
Uh-huh.
680
00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:36,826
Mm.
681
00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:39,496
She's been a really good
friend about it, though.
682
00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:42,457
She even tried to get me alone
683
00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:44,000
with a girl at the party
last night.
684
00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:46,419
Oh, my God, the girl
I saw you talking to.
685
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:47,503
She was so hot.
686
00:25:47,545 --> 00:25:49,005
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
687
00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:54,010
Yeah, but then... then I, like,
freaked out and got weird,
688
00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:56,137
and she's probably not
interested anymore, so...
689
00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:58,556
No way.
If you DM'd her right now,
690
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,976
I promise you
it would be back on.
691
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:02,227
Slide into her DM.
692
00:26:02,310 --> 00:26:03,645
- Yeah, message her.
- Now, do it.
693
00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:05,814
Both:
Slide in, slide in.
694
00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:07,524
All right, fine.
Fine, I'll do it.
695
00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:19,119
I said, "Hi."
696
00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:23,415
Yes!
697
00:26:23,498 --> 00:26:25,750
♪ We were ♪
698
00:26:25,834 --> 00:26:27,544
♪ Cosmical beings ♪
699
00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:31,214
How are you in here?
700
00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:32,858
I literally had them change
the buzzer code.
701
00:26:32,882 --> 00:26:34,634
I waited for someone to exit.
702
00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:37,679
I just wanted to say thank you
703
00:26:37,762 --> 00:26:39,180
for your advice.
704
00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:40,584
I found another
super funny writer
705
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:41,850
who I think is gonna be great,
706
00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,019
so it really helped.
707
00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:48,481
You came here at 7:45
just for that?
708
00:26:48,565 --> 00:26:50,025
Yeah, just that.
709
00:26:54,362 --> 00:26:57,532
♪ Giving up
my western trouble ♪
710
00:27:00,368 --> 00:27:02,287
♪ Right now ♪
711
00:27:08,251 --> 00:27:12,088
♪ Tell me not
to be so subtle ♪
712
00:27:13,965 --> 00:27:18,386
♪ Always want you to be near ♪
713
00:27:21,681 --> 00:27:25,769
♪ Guess you'll know
why I'm so tired ♪
714
00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:31,858
♪ Too tired to be cool ♪
715
00:27:35,653 --> 00:27:39,699
♪ Guess you'll know
why I'm so tired ♪
716
00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:46,623
♪ I want you, I want you ♪
717
00:27:50,001 --> 00:27:53,630
♪ Never thought
I'd miss the struggle ♪
718
00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:57,967
♪ I don't ♪
719
00:28:03,890 --> 00:28:07,519
♪ Giving all the kids
some trouble ♪
720
00:28:09,604 --> 00:28:13,608
♪ I just want you to be here ♪
721
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,451
Go to bed.
52607
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