Original subtitles

Raymond. Raymond! Are you with us?

Your feet.

Sorry. New shoes. Bad circulation.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear it. For one awful moment,

I thought you were using them to help you count.

No, it's how I stay sane in the dullest job in the dullest bank

in the known universe.

Dull thought it is, it is, after all, a bank.

Perhaps you'd be happier in

a post office... where your chances of promotion might be better.

Oh, didn't I tell you about the promotions? I'm so sorry to

break it to you like this.

Perhaps you'd be happier working in a post office! Oh, Mr. Strothers,

you're so funny. I haven't laughed so much since I slammed my fingers in

the car door.

Raymond! Raymond, it's snowing in here!

Oh, shit!

It's all right, leave it to me.

You mustn't take it personally. I think he just doesn't like you.

But that would mean that it is personal.

No, what I mean is, it's not about your work. He just loathes you.

Oh, well, that's all right, then.

Anyway, things could be worse. You'll have some peace tomorrow.

He's leaving a day early for his Christmas holidays.

Canary Islands.

I hope they peck him to death.

Good night. Right, well, I'll be off.

Quite sure of the procedure, Raymond?

I call central security, set the alarm, then Mr. Bigelow will...

The primary keyholder.

The primary keyholder will turn his key anticlockwise. Then I...

The secondary keyholder.

Will turn my key anticlockwise.

Good.

Not forgetting, of course, to leave a couple of windows open for fresh air.

The trouble with you, Raymond, is I never know when you're joking.

Mr. Strothers, I just hope you have the holiday you deserve.

Quite.

Well, come along, Mr. B. I've got some shopping to do.

You got any more real Christmas trees?

I've got a stack of these left.

I wonder why.

Er, right, yeah. That's 10.

Thank you. Merry Christmas.

Same to you.

Sorry.

Yeah, can you mind the tree, please!.

The porch is leaking again.

Oh, is it really?

If we'd got a proper builder instead of your brother...

And I thought you were in charge of getting the Christmas tree.

Ah, yes. I was. I mean, I did, but it... It sort of got away from me.

The promotion got away from you too. "Feel free to re-apply in two years".

What is it about you, Raymond?

You opened it? You opened my rejection?

You're late, though why you go to that night school, I do not know.

"Advanced banking". Isn't that supposed to help your career?

Come on.

Would you like me to drive?

No, I would not.

Eastminster University "For right turds"

Advanced Banking

OK, off we go. Raymond Wood Samba School

And 1, 2, 3, 4...

Very good, Mrs. Grace. Albert, keep the beat.

All right, stop. Albert.

Oh, I'm sorry. I just have the urge to go pom-pom-pom, pom-pom-pom.

Yes, Albert, I know. I know.

I'm doing the laundry.

The laundry!

1, 1, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2. Good. Good. Excellent.

Here, let me. Bap-bap-bap. Sa-tur-day, Sun-day.

Good, good, good. Excellent.

I would like a cup of tea. Now, shake it, shake it, shake it.

Excellent, very good. Rock solid as always.

You hear that?

Now, Mrs. Grace, you are my queen of the drums.

- OK. - You are going to lead the procession.

This is the part that every young Brazilian girl wants to play,

- OK, are you ready? - OK.

You start on the right foot, all right?

1-2-3 and 1-2-3. Very good!

Brazilian hips, Brazilian hips. 1-2-3, 1-2-3.

Now we're going to go double time.

Oh, yes!

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. And more, more...

The spin cycle! Give me the spin cycle!

Yes, that's good! Keep going.

Oh, that feels so good! Yeah!

Keep it coming!

Don't stop, now, please! Don't stop!

I just can't do it tonight.

Oh! Albert! We almost had it there.

I just can't do it tonight. I haven't got it in me.

OK, well, let's take a break.

Cup of tea, anyone?

I thought you'd have told him by now.

I'll tell him tonight. Or I'll leave him a note

with his Christmas present. What? You think that's too cold?

The way he neglects me?

Yes, you're probably right. Probably won't even notice you've gone.

Oh, thanks a lot.

No, I mean, I swear, he lives in a daydream.

I'll tell him tonight.

Orlinda...

I rather fancy myself in that costume.

That would bring all central London juddering to a halt.

There is no need to be cruel.

I think you'd look smashing.

That's very sweet of you, Raymond. No, but Albert's right.

You should be dancing with a sexy young thing, like Orlinda.

Cathy...

What's the matter? Is everything all right?

No, it's not.

This may come as a bit of a shock...

Is it your dad again?

Yes, actually.

Mum called. I'm going down there first thing in the morning.

You want me to come with you? Because I can call Mr. Strothers. He...

No, it's all right. You stay here and I'll call you when I've seen him.

Dad, I mean.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

Me too.

Are you sure you don't want me to come? I could park the car.

No, it's all right.

OK. Well, I'll call you later, and don't worry, I promise

I won't dent the car.

Oh, yes. Don't call me, I'll call you.

We'll all be at the hospital except for Granny,

and you know how she hates the phone.

OK, well, I'll wait for you to call.

- 'Bye, Raymond. - 'Bye.

And good luck!

If it wasn't screwed on...

Cathy!

Mr. Strothers, it's funny bumping into you here.

I'm not going to be late. I'm just dropping Cath off

'cos her dad's not well. Sorry. Hello, it's all right...

No, it's OK. I've got it.

A passport? To see your dad?

And a plane ticket?

Las Palmas, Tenerife.

The Canary Islands.

I was going to tell you.

Oh, were you?

- Raymond... - Shut up!

And when were you going to do that, I wonder.

When you got the holiday photographs developed, and I said,

"Gosh, that doesn't look a bit like your dad, lying in Intensive Care

in Eastbourne Hospital. No, if you ask me, that looks more like

Mr. Bloody Strothers, lying on a beach in Tene-fucking-rife!

...non-stop service to Heathrow Airport departs from Platform 9...

No, well, don't let me stop you.

No, you catch your train to the plane to the sunny isles.

Merry Christmas, Raymond.

Yes, Happy...

"I'm sorry. Merry Christmas. "

That is pathetic!

The complete history of bossa nova? I don't like bossa nova!

I hate bossa bloody nova. It's samba!

How many years have we been together? How many years, woman?

It's samba!

It's bloody bossa nova!

You're a bit keen, aren't you?

I'll have a cup of tea in his office, thank you.

Your first appointment, sir.

Hello! Come on in, take a seat.

Perhaps this isn't a good time.

Nonsense. Perfectly good time. Fancy a stiff one? I do.

Well, perhaps a small sherry.

Doris!

"Silent night, all is shite... "

Raymond...

I heard. Are you all right?

Oh, I'm just bubbling with good will.

I'm so sorry. But you have to remember, things could be worse.

Could they? Can you really think of a shittier way to find out,

at a shittier time of the year? Maybe my imagination's limited

but I'm finding it hard to see just how much worse things could be.

All the staff will be off to the Christmas party any minute.

Why don't you give me your key. I'll close out and lock up

and you go and enjoy yourself.

Oh, now. What would Mr. Strothers say?

Excuse my French, but considering all the circumstances,

bugger Mr. Strothers.

No, I don't think I can face going to the staff party.

Not with everyone talking about me. Do you want to go?

No, no.

Go on, give me your keys and I'll lock up.

You don't mind?

I'll lock up and I'll go home and I'll drink and I'll sleep and I'll sleep

and I'll drink until I stop feeling sorry for myself. Go on.

Thanks ever so much, Raymond.

Happy Christmas.

Here, there's someone in here thinks he's Fred Astaire.

- Must be crazy. - What a wally.

Look at that.

Can you spare the price of a bus fare, mate?

Well, yes, do you know, I can. Oh, taxi!

But I'll tell you what, better still.

There's a Vauxhall Vectra parked up the street.

Sorry about the headlights.

Heathrow Airport, please.

You going away or meeting some lucky sod?

Going away.

Got your passport?

I only ask because you'd be surprised at the number of idiots

I've taken out to the airport who've forgotten them.

Yeah. Did I say that I need to go via Neasden?

This is a security announcement. Passengers are reminded to

keep their bags with them...

- Hello, I'd like... - Merry Christmas.

Yes, and the same to you. I'd like a ticket to Rio de Janeiro, please.

That flight's already boarding, sir.

Well, yes, but can I get on it?

Round trip or one way?

Round trip or one way, sir?

One way. Because I haven't decided if I'm going to come back

via Chile or Peru.

Yes, that will be 892 pounds, Economy Class.

Is that all? How much is Business?

One way Business is 1226 pounds and 74 pence.

Well, that's... That's pretty reasonable, really, isn't it?

You know, when you think about what's involved,

all the petrol and wings and so on. So, just for the hell of it,

how much is First?

1909 pounds and 35 p.

Well, you know, I think I'm going to treat myself.

After all, it's Christmas. First, please.

- First? - Yeah.

And how will you be paying, sir?

I'll be paying... Right, hold that seat, hold that plane.

I've got to go and change some money.

This is the last call by Varig Airlines, for their flight... Rio de Janeiro.

Will passengers please proceed urgently...

The one way flight to Rio.

Oh, my God, I thought you were joking.

All day I get people asking me for prices of tickets they'll never afford,

unless they've won the lottery or robbed a bank or something.

Welcome to Rio de Janeiro. The local time is 7.50 p.m.

The temperature is...

Oh, taxi!

Hi, Do you speak English?

Where you wanna go?

I want to find a hotel, a really good hotel. Do you know a good hotel?

Hey. You think I own the newest cab in the whole airport

and don't know good hotel? Well, ex-cu-se me.

No, actually I was hoping for something a bit better than this.

No, thank you, just leave that there. Thank you very much.

What... Thank you, leave the bag.

This is very nice. I stay here myself.

Well, good, but what I was actually hoping for was something

on the beach.

Very expensive.

I don't care. I want a big, beautiful old hotel, you know, with pillars

on the front. Something grand, a suite.

Hey, gringo, that's too expensive for you. You wanna nice hotel? This is.

Hi, I'm Paulo.

Raymond.

Mr. Raymond. My boss, Raymond. My friend, Raymond.

Sweetheart, Raymond. Now that I know you, the scales fall from my eyes.

I see this is a piece of sh...

I find great hotel, you see. I tell you, my amigo, Raymond.

Overtake, asshole! Joker. Shit, shit, shit!

What? What is it?

Oh, shit, and more shit!

I don't believe it. I've only been here ten minutes.

All right, take it, take it. Just leave me one bag.

All right then, take it all, but just, please, don't kill me.

All right then, kill me, but... But please don't make it hurt.

Hello?

Well, really.

No way, no, no!

How'm I supposed to make my payments with this piece of shit?

Didn't mean it. Way of talking.

You got something to say to me?

No, no. Have a nice day.

I think you yell at me.

No, no. Well, I was just saying that I have great fare, rich passenger.

And how'm I gonna drive him in this?

You put in the key, work your feet and steer. Even you can do that.

Obrigado. Thank you.

Drive.

You think I forget you?

What happened to your cab? Who were those people?

Jus' friends. They need to borrow my car and I give.

Tha's the kinda guy I am.

What do you mean, friends? They had guns.

Your friends don't have guns? C'mon, nice hotel. Get in.

Hey, this important gringo!

- Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. - That's quite all right.

- Are you all right? - I'm fine, thank you.

I was just hoping for a room.

Sure.

Hey, for my friend, for my boss, for this important man,

only the very best.

The Presidential Suite.

The floor was specially designed by Joao Aquayado.

Oh, the piano was also specially imported.

The glasses are crystal and the silver is all antique.

Jus' joking.

And the terrace... Oh, wait until you see the terrace.

Every American president since Eisenhower has stayed in this suite,

not to mention really important people like Ava Gardner, Alfred Hitchcock,

the Spice Girls.

Does the room have a safe?

This was installed specially for Mother Theresa.

By the way, she loves the view of Copacabana.

But, this is Copacabana?

Tha's why they call it the Copacabana Grand Hotel.

I'm in the Copacabana Grand.

Only the best for my Mr. Raymond.

Copacabana.

I'm in Rio!

That's great. Just put them down there. Thanks a lot.

Ah, that's for you. That's for you.

Thank you very much. I'll take that, yeah. Thanks.

So, what now, boss?

"What now, boss?" Well, Paulo, that's awfully kind of you,

but, you know, I'm a bit jet-lagged, a bit tired. I wouldn't mind

going to bed actually.

- Bed? - Yeah.

But, boss, you are in Rio! Hey, you want a girl? I get you girl.

I get you two girls. I get you boy-girl. Fat, slim, tall...

- No. - A midget?

No! Paulo, I haven't come here for that.

Well, what have you come here for? A certain girl?

Truth is, I've come here to find... a particular girl.

Hmm, I know everyone in Rio.

- You mean you could help? - Of course, of course.

Really?

Look at my eyes. I get you anything.

I've come here to find a dancer, a very special dancer,

one of the all-time great samba dancers.

I'm telling you, Rio is the best place for samba dancers.

I'm sure I can get... Her?

You know her?

Absolutely no.

Are you sure? It seemed like you knew her.

Why should I knew her?

Well, I don't know, I thought she was famous.

There are many famous samba dancers here.

Hmm, pity.

A pity, a pity.

I tell you what, boss.

As we are friends now, and I like you so much,

for some expenses and a small fee, I think I might be able to find her?

Ow, shit!

Hey, you seen Orlinda today?

It's getting late in London. Late, cold, rainy.

Cold, rainy...

Oh, my God!

What have I done?

Hey, Paulo.

American. American cigarettes. Only the best for Paulo.

Who did you rob?

Hey, guys. Good to see ya, eh? Whatcha doin'? Hey, hey!

Watch it, watch it! Hey, put me down! Put me down, guys.

Please, please.

Hey, guys!

My memory shot? Or d'you still owe me money, like this money, baby?

Well, sure, but I have to live.

You're right, I don' have to live.

But, you wan' your cab back?

Yeah.

Now we getting somewhere.

Hello, Raymond.

Oh, Mr. Bigelow, I've just had the most terrible dream.

Boss, it's Paulo.

Who?

Paulo. Boss, I think I find Orlinda.

Oh, God, I am in Rio!

No. Hold on, Paulo.

This is not promising. Where are we going?

Hey, you see. Don't worry.

What's that noise?

Just drum practice.

See? I'm the best for my boss!

What's the matter? Did I step in something?

No, no, don't stop. Please, keep going.

Wha'?

Dancing. When you were dancing just now, you did a step

I haven't seen before. It was fantastic.

I was?

Yeah, it was a kind of...

- I don't know. - You dance?

No. Well, yes, but nothing like you. I...

That's why I wanted to meet you. I've always wanted to dance with you.

But where d'you learn that?

Watching tapes of you.

Wow! So come and dance with me.

Thanks. Thank you. Thanks.

Fantastic. Fantastic. I know you two get together fine.

Paulo!

So, now what? You want me to take you to nightclub?

Maybe take you back to hotel. Maybe I can take you both back to hotel.

- Maybe a drink and... - Yeah, all right.

Look, I'm sorry, we haven't even been introduced.

Raymond Wood, I'm delighted to meet you and so, so honored to dance with you.

I knew who you were, from the clothes. You hadda be English.

You wear those clothes in England? I seen movies and I never see

people in English like that. See? I know about England.

I'm sorry, I talk too much. And now I gotta talk to Paulo.

Excuse me, am I... Am I causing a problem?

No!

Perhaps you're tired. You just want to go home.

No, no problem. I'm your chauffeur? I'm waiting for where you wanna go?

Take your time.

Where do you want to go?

Well, where you wanna go? I'm already here.

Oh, my God!

This is a house. I never seen a hotel room like it. And the view!

But no terrace? You should have a terrace.

I thought you'd have a terrace.

Well, actually, if you look upstairs, I think you'll find...

Stairs? You got stairs?

...that there is a terrace.

Oh, my God.

I can't stand the quiet. It feels like all I hear is

my own voice and it bugs me Do you get that way?

Does your own voice drives you crazy?

Not really.

Oh, mine drives me nuts. Like it's my job to do all the talking

and nobody else can help me out.

You stop talking when you dance.

I guess.

See, I talk all the time, but it never gets out of my head.

And most of it's stuff I wish I'd said. I spend my whole life going

over and over the same conversations, thinking about how I could

have been... really clever and quick and witty.

Does that stop when you dance?

Yes, it does. It's funny.

Oh! I love this song. Do you like this song?

You've probably never heard. It's not samba, it's bossa nova.

Do you like bossa nova?

I love bossa nova.

You know, Ray, I'd like you.

So what's going on?

What d'you mean?

You were on every carnival tape until two years ago,

and then you just disappeared.

Well, things change, you know. People get new girlfriends.

It's really hot in here.

What did you mean in there? "People get new girlfriends"?

Carnival. It's a big thing. Costs a lot of money.

You close to the person who pay, you get a shot.

You're not, you don't get.

What? I don't understand.

Me and the guy who paid? We fell out.

So one person pays for the whole thing?

For each school? Sure. Lottery money, "bichero" money, you know?

Well, no, I don't. So that... That means you don't dance anymore?

Sure I dance. I just don't dance professional.

I don't dance carnival. But I teach kids sometimes.

God, you're beautiful.

Did you really come to Rio to see me?

Yes.

Orlinda?

Orlinda, I'm going to order some breakfast.

Do you life figs? I feel like figs.

Orlinda! Out on the terrace. Breakfast.

Orlinda! It's gone! Somebody's been here and taken the...

No!

Get me the concierge now!

This is a disgrace to our hotel.

Please, sir, tell me in detail, what did they take?

In detail? That's very simple. They took everything.

I have nothing!

Wait a minute, sir. When you say "everything" and "nothing",

how do you mean, exactly?

I mean they took my clothes, they took my money...

All your money?

- Money, credit cards... - And your credit cards?

They took my... wallet, passport, shoes.

The only thing they didn't take was my Christmas pudding.

And how will sir be settling his bill?

Thank God you're here.

- Boss! - Drive, fast!

But, boss...

I've been robbed. They took everything.

Orlinda... Where's Orlinda? We should wait for Orlinda.

She's gone.

Orlinda is gone?

I woke up this morning and the... She's gone, the money's gone,

everything.

Whoever robbed me has probably kidnapped Orlinda.

Orlinda's gone, the money's gone.

Just drive the car, will you?

Orlinda, congratulations. Right, Consuelo?

Well?

Not good. Not good. She was shopping, spending lots of American dollars

and now she's gone.

- I... - Don't.

But I...

- I thought... - I said, don't.

OK, OK.

What time is it? I'm starving.

It's getting late.

You couldn't buy me dinner, could you? I haven't eaten all day.

I'll pay you back when we find her.

I'm broke.

What do you mean, you're broke? You made a lot of money yesterday,

off me!

Yesterday, but I have expenses.

You mean it's all gone?

You want half?

Yes, please.

So, what now?

I have idea.

A church!

What's she doing in a church at this time of night?

Midnight mass. It's Christmas Eve.

It's Christmas Eve. I'd forgotten it was Christmas.

Boss, please.

Paulo, I can't go in there wearing these clothes.

What's wrong with those clothes?

Ah, well, nothing.

They're fine, come on.

There!

Paulo! Raymond! How are you? I was just telling my friend

all about you, that you're such a good dancer.

You know, he don't dance like a tourist, he dance like a carioca.

Orlinda, what? When I woke up this morning,

you and everything else was gone.

- No. - Yeah. All gone.

And then I hear that you're shopping all over town,

spending American dollars by the fistful and... you know,

it starts to look like you took my money.

You took his money.

You told him? Why'd you tell him?

I didn't have to tell him. It was obvious.

You did take my money. You robbed me!

You shouldn't-a-had so much money in your place.

I told you.

- I thought you liked me. - Yeah, we thought you like him.

I do like you. A lot. You shouldn't carry so much cash.

It's like I'm meeting a bank, with legs. Next time you come,

jus' bring your credit cards.

Orlinda, there won't be a next time. That was everything

I had in the world, all of it, gone.

Everything!

Every, single, solitary thing.

Solitary thing.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry?

Shut up! Orlinda, sorry does not begin to cover it.

I told you she was no good.

What does that mean?

Like you wasn't the one that told me about the safe.

You told her? You mean, he told you?

WHERE IS MY MONEY?

He got it.

Oh, all right, I get it. So, you planned to rob me

and then you... You double crossed him and now you're saying

that some "bichero" has it.

Don't say "bichero's" name out loud.

I'll say whatever I please. Bichero, bichero, bichero!

I want my money back, I need my money back.

- We don't have it! - Look!

Oh, really? That's funny, because I don't remember him coming

into my hotel room. Did he dance with me?

No, I don't think so. Did he... with me?

You can't say that on the steps of the church!

- That's my money. - No.

- That's my money! - No, no!

That's my money! That's...

Raymond!

Oh, shit! What am I doing?

Oh, no! Yes. Happy Christmas.

My money.

You have no feelings.

Our money.

Could you just move your hand over? That... Fine.

You say your name is Raymond Wood?

Yes. My passport is one of the red EU ones,

and my wallet is a small black...

Raymond Wood... Under-a-manager, Hogwood's Bank.

And Raymond Wood Samba School. You fucking with me.

I beg your pardon?

I have bank, I pay carnival samba school,

and you come in here, say "that's my money".

I think you fucking with me.

No!

Oh, no?

- Are you fucking with me? - No!

- You're sure you're not... - Look, I'm a tourist!

Ah. He's lying.

I'm not. What the hell is he doing?

He's gonna cut you up and sell per kilo.

Oh, for crying out loud! Look, I'm just an under-manager

of a bank in England. I'm not important. I'm not trying

to muscle in on you.

Oh, for crying out loud! Look, I don't own the bank.

I'm just an employee! You know, all I do is I keep accounts.

I count money as it comes in and I count it as it goes out.

That's all I'm good at!

You good at countin' money?

It's going to take weeks to count this! Months! Years probably!

I haven't got my glasses.

Well, after all this time, I can finally say it.

Yes, I think I can say it without fear of being proved wrong.

THINGS CANNOT, BUT CANNOT, GET WORSE!

Raymond?

Merry Christmas!

Oh, my God. Look at all this money.

Raymond, you smell of money.

It's kinda sexy, actually. Here, go on, open it.

Thank you. I don't know what to say.

Hey, chins up. I have a much better present. I have plans.

I do.

Orlinda, forgive me, but I'm in here in the first place because of you.

Don't say that. You say that an' you hurt me.

But it's true.

You got lucky being robbed with me. You lucky the customs didn't get you.

You lucky the cab drivers didn't smell the money.

The cabbies got you, you'd be in hospital.

The customs got you, you'd be in jail.

Huh? Good evening, I'm in jail. I'm in jail without a court

or a sentence. I could be counting money in here forever.

Jesus, this makes Neasden look good.

Hey, don't say Jesus. It's his birthday.

Say "Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus". Say it.

Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus.

OK Tomorrow, I'm goin' to your consulado.

You mean, consul. The embassy.

Both, either. That's where I'm goin'. I'm gettin' you out.

No. Don't go to the embassy.

I spoke to my friend Julie. She's German.

Anyway, she got stuck in Argentina once...

Don't go to the embassy.

I get it... People think I'm stupid 'cos I talk a lot,

but I get it. You just told me. You're another guy who stole

a lot of money and I really didn't want to think that. I wanted

you to be real rich and it wouldn't matter that I took your money

because you had a lot more and you'd love me anyway and take

me away. Take me somewhere I don't wake up worryin'. But

you're just another crook. You're a nice crook, but you're just

another crook. Silly me.

Orlinda... I'm a bank clerk.

Whose wife ran off with another man...

and I walked out of my own bank with as much money as I could carry...

just so that I could come here and dance with you.

It's the first time in my life, you cover me with silence.

Don't give up hopes, OK?

I could love you, you know. I know you think I got my verbs

mixed up, but I know what I'm saying. I could love you.

That's yours, this is mine. That's yours, this is mine.

And one for me...

Orlinda!

Break the glass.

Sorry! It seems to have fallen over.

Yeah, it amused me too.

What on earth are you doing?

I get you in, I get you out.

Get me out What do you mean, get me out? Get me out where?

Where am I going to go? This guy controls the whole town.

He's going to find me and...

You're sounding like me. Stand backs.

Come on!

Raymond, hurry!

I've just got to get my money.

Bye-bye, Prada.

Oh, hello.

Holy shit!

Oh, stop that, will you?

Jump, Raymond!

Jump!

Oh, shit!

Oh, my money. Stop it!

My money!

I got dollars, I got francs, I got lire. You name the country,

I can spend there. I see you got some for yourself, boss.

You movin' back to hotel? I move in too.

No, Paulo. This is what I stole, and this is what I'm taking back.

You... you stole?

You give back? You go back?

Yeah. You see, I've had a lot of time of think about this and...

I realized that I stole such a lot of money that someone is

definitely going to come after me. They'll either try me here

or they'll extradite me back there. Either way, it's going to be horrible.

It's not fair.

I stole a lot of money. It is fair.

Hey, but givin' it back? I agree with her for once.

- It's not fair. - I still stole it.

But if you walk out with money and then you say,

"Oh-oh, this is wrong", and you walk straight back in,

they send you to jail then? I don't think so.

Yeah, but that's different, 'cos in that case they wouldn't know.

Oh, my God. They don't know.

Closed for holidays until Wednesday December 27

What?

It's 26th December. The bank doesn't re-open until tomorrow.

Hi, London, please. I need to get on the next flight to London.

Oh, we have a flight leaving now, but I'm afraid Economy's

completely sold out.

Yeah, Economy is full, Business is full.

First Class is 1909 pounds and 35 pence. That ought to cover it.

OK, so the plane lands at 7.30, the bank opens at 9.30.

By 11.00 o'clock, I'm going to be divorcing my wife,

selling the house and arranging to come back.

It's OK, don't promise nothin'. Do you think I never said good-bye

to boyfriends here at the airport before?

"Oh, I love you, Orlinda. I'll be back, Orlinda. "

I do love you.

Paulo...

Take care of her until I get back. 'Cos I will be back.

Excuse me, do you know what the time is?

In London? It's 6.30. We should be on the ground in an hour.

So, customs at 8.00, get in the cab at 8.30, in the City by 9.30 maybe.

Oh, God.

Excuse me. Taxi! Taxi!

Excuse me!

Sorry, everybody. This could mean years off my life.

I've got to be in the City of London in 25 minutes.

You'll be lucky, mate. The M4's a mess, the flyover's a disaster.

Yeah, would 200 pounds make a difference?

Get in.

City of London

Go, go, go, go!

Thanks, but I'd better leg it from here. Keep the change.

- Can I help you, sir? - Yes, I'm the one. I mean...

I work here, I'm the under-manager.

Go on through, sir. The inspector would like to see you.

Good morning. I think you're waiting for me.

And you are?

Raymond Wood, under-manager. I was the one who locked up.

Go through to the vault, sir. The inspector's waiting to see you.

Right.

Inspector? I'm Raymond Wood, I'm the under-manager.

We've been waiting for you.

Yes, I know. Look, I'm sorry, it was me.

I beg your pardon, sir?

It's in the bags. I was responsible for locking up.

Mr. Bigelow had nothing to do with it.

Well, I'm not sure how relevant that is, sir, given the circumstances.

Well, of course it is. You see...

You see what, sir?

There's a bloody great hole in the wall! How the hell did that get there?

Well, they tunneled in from the outside and basically

cleaned the place out.

They did what?

Tunneled in, then took their time, took everything. Not a penny left.

Everything?

Well, they left a few wills and deeds, but money?

They nicked the lot.

I can't see what you find so funny, sir.

No, no. Well, it's... probably the shock.

It's a sort of hysterical reaction.

Quite. I don't suppose you noticed any suspicious workmen?

Suspicious workmen?

No, I don't think I did.

Very good, sir. Now, if you wouldn't mind waiting outside.

We're still dusting for prints.

Right. You'd better carry on with the dusting.

You said something about bags, sir.

Bags? Yes, it's dry cleaning. It's my suit.

That's why I'm dressed like this.

Why, hello!

Raymond! What are you wearing? Where are you going?

Heathrow airport, please. And then Rio.

I'll send you an address for the divorce papers.

Oh, by the way, bank's been burgled, everything's been taken,

and there was something else. Oh, yes. I've resigned.

Happy New Year.

See what I mean? Head in the clouds!

Raymond... Can you give us some help?

Oh, yeah, sure.

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