Original subtitles

[wind gusting]

-[horse neighing] -Oh. No, no.

[groans]

[cooing]

[chittering]

[laughing maniacally]

[whimpers]

-[grunts] -[horse whinnies]

Whoa! My horse is broken.

Easy now. She means well.

She means to make me her horseshoe.

I was talking to your steed.

Are we close?

This was supposed to be the faster route to save my mom.

I'm not entirely sure.

The entrance to Purple Mountain Majesties is on this mountain.

But we are running out of mountain.

Howdy! What brings you gentle folks up here?

[magical tinkling]

Whoo-wee!

Tell me it wasn't just a litter.

Hey!

[groans softly]

Just a typical family taking a ride--

We need to hop a magic train to save her mom from becoming water.

[sighs] Can't make the truth sound less crazy than that.

So, you know where to find the train station in Purple Mountains Majesties?

Purple Mountains Majesties, you say?

Well, I'll be.

Do y'all like apples?

Johnny Appleseed, I presume.

Well, kind of stepped on my punch line, Marshal Bass Reeves.

Your legend precedes you.

But, yes. I'm Johnny Appleseed.

Official emissary of apples, an unofficial mayor of Purple Mountains Majesties.

How do y'all like them apples?

Apples are my new favorite fruit, if you can get us on that ghost train.

The train between worlds.

Some tall tales find ghosts to be demeaning.

And, well, we don't usually allow in non-legendary humans.

Or their trickster pets.

Me? [whimpers]

But I suppose an exception can be made if you vouch for them, Marshal Bassey.

Follow me!

Yee-haw.

-Ahh! -Whoa!

[horse nickers]

[theme music playing]

Welcome to the most bewitching and beguiling resting place in all the hereafter.

Purple Mountain Majesties.

Folks are dying to get in.

I know it's cheesy, but as mayor I gotta say it.

-It's the town motto. -That you wrote Appleseed.

And you're not the mayor.

Hey, now, Geronimo. I don't go where you were--

You are where I were.

All of this is stolen land.

[scoffs] American West does have a colorful, contentious history.

But all the tallest tales and legendary legends of the West are here.

From big John Henry to brassy Calamity Jane,

to the always cheerful Geronimo,

to the blink-and-you-miss-him Road Runner,

to a certain humble apple-farmer's wildly prosperous saloon,

featuring the best gambling dead or alive.

And wait. That can't be right.

"Three for one ciders"?

Even legends don't deserve a deal that good.

As mayor, I feel we should investigate.

-My mom is dying. -Indeed.

But do tell any deceased friends.

I'm opening a second saloon for the un-legendary dead.

-[thuds] -[horse neighing]

Ahh! Ahh!

[yelps]

[screams]

[groans softly]

When's the next train?

[growling]

[yelling] Five hours till departure?

[growling]

Why, it appears I simply have too many gambling chips in my pocket.

Don't suppose anyone wants to use them at my friendly establishment.

Stop selling, I'm sold.

Not every day we get to do some magical gambling.

What do you say, Kid in the Hat?

I do want to, but being late for a train is my sixth worst fear.

What do you think, Elle? Wanna check it out?

Meh. You legends go.

I'll stay and make sure we don't miss the train.

Watch him.

If your thing was planting trees,

how did you end up owning a saloon?

When the afterlife gives you apples, make apple cider.

Tell me your horse's name.

Satan.

I reckon you fancy horses.

I did.

My mom used to tell me stories about the West.

I loved the horses.

Always hoped to one day ride one myself,

but here we are.

Yes. Here we are.

You with me, a man who's raised both horses and daughters.

I reckon there's only one thing to do.

Say "reckon" some more?

Get you riding right-side up. [chuckles]

"...and the bunny jumps in the hole."

Ugh. Why did it have to be the one that talks?

Yes, because your voice is a choir of angels.

Please forgive my son-in-law's offensive ignorance.

[chuckles] He fears you.

Whereas I welcome your uniqueness as an opportunity to learn.

I have so many questions about the mogwai.

Uh, can we talk over some tea?

Are you trying to trick me into talking about myself?

[shudders]

[growls]

-[whimpers] -[claws swishing]

Thank you. I am parched for good conversation.

All righty! Step on in to Appleseed's where the dead feel alive.

Watch out for the tricksters.

They'll rob you blind.

Whoa.

Do keep an eye open for Paul Bunyan's feet.

He's a stompy drunk.

-[ox bellows] -[glass breaking]

Oh, no. He brought that damn blue ox tonight.

Excuse me, gents. Paul!

[chitters softly]

[chittering]

Um, so, Gizmo, I gotta ask.

You've been acting a little bit like a bad mogwai lately.

And bad mogwai like to drink and do everything they're doing here.

Are you gonna be okay?

[coos softly]

[chuckles] Finally among my kind.

Follow my lead, kid.

-[roulette ball clatters] -[woman squeals]

Gambling, drinks, dancing, even movies!

[laughs heartily]

These legends have my kind of afterlife.

I'm telling you, John Henry, for the hundredth time.

Ain't no way that little ball-peen could break through my unbreakable whip.

[whip cracks]

Wow.

[chuckles] Calamity, we have been over this.

-My hammer can break through anything. -[clangs]

Or we can settle your disagreement the civilized way.

A hand of poker.

[growls and mutters]

[chittering]

[sinister music playing]

[gasps]

Oh, Gizmo. Do you wanna play, too?

Uh, no, no. [chuckles nervously]

-Giz? -Sam, don't make the legends wait.

So, what are we playing?

-Mah-jongg? -[all laughing]

Oh.

[grunts]

-That's right. -[all laughing]

[muttering]

[labored coughing]

Hey. Welcome to the Trickster's Lounge.

You one of them Missouri murder-rodents my cousin told me about?

Huh? No, no.

Trickster to trickster, what's your play?

My play?

Yeah. Like your scam. Your thing, man.

Like, I mimic human voices. [clears throat]

[mimicking Appleseed] Free drinks for everyone!

[all cheering]

What? No. I give away apples. Not apple cider.

You!

Me no trickster.

You don't gotta pretend around us.

Drink a drink. Take a load off.

Chug, chug, chug!

[singing] ♪ The kid, the monster hero with the hat ♪

Like I said, this little guy's got a song already.

As one who was, um... [clears throat] legendized by song,

yours is catchy.

Yes, the kids got it all, but I'm on a roll.

Read 'em and weep.

[all gasping]

[chips clattering]

Or maybe I'll weep.

What is this?

[fires]

[growls]

A little something I won from Lady Colombia over there.

But hold steady.

You cheating?

I prefer to think of it as utilizing my resources.

Whoa! Hang on now. I'm sure Chang can explain.

[chuckles nervously]

-[Jackalope] Chug, chug, chug! -[straining]

-[Gizmo screaming] No, no. -Here comes the trickster.

Sam! Sam!

Chug, chug, chug.

[screaming]

[laughing maniacally]

[shouts excitedly]

[laughing maniacally]

[shouting excitedly]

[laughing maniacally]

[both] Chug, chug, chug!

-[whinnies] -[yelps]

Ugh! Forget this.

Worrying about my mom is more fun than riding this beast.

I reckon she's worrying

-because she senses that you don't trust her. -[snorts]

I don't trust Satan because she's thrown me in the mud 20 times.

True. But some wise youngster once told me, "People can change."

I reckon that applies to animals, too, hmm?

Trust your horse.

Now, try petting her.

[sighs wearily]

[horse whinnies]

[nickering]

[sighs in relief]

[chuckles softly]

Whoa.

Wow.

I did it.

Thanks, Marshal.

Thank you for giving me a break from marshaling for some fun.

[explosion]

And I reckon my break is over.

[groans]

[groaning]

[gasps] No!

[groans] What happened? I don't remember anything.

-I can't move my arms. -Because we're tied to train tracks.

This is a movie thing, not a real thing.

-Who does this? -I don't know.

Wow! This is Calamity Jane's whip.

[Chang grunting]

All this for cheating at cards?

Um, allegedly.

-[grunting] -It's no use, Gizmo.

-[yelps] -Calamity Jane's whip is unbreakable.

Wait, how long were we out?

Is that right? [gasps]

We only have 15 minutes until the train rolls into the station.

We can't be here.

Free us, you damned legends.

And here I thought John Henry and I were hitting it off.

[exclaims]

John... John Henry hammer.

Yes, John Henry's hammer. It can break anything.

-Find it. -Uh-huh.

And while we wait for him, I want to talk about your alleged cheating.

Hurry up, Gizmo.

I'm so glad we could chat like this.

You know, I'm too old for yet another hostage situation.

And I'd prefer to talk through our differences.

Agreed. I simply want revenge on Gizmo.

But you're so civilized.

Why waste your time on that when you could be out pursuing a higher calling?

Because he betrayed me.

Gizmo was everything to me.

My father. My brother. My father and my brother.

Oh, sure. He denied his mogwai heritage and acts all cute.

But he's still one of us.

Cursed by the gods with an unquenchable thirst to destroy.

I actually agree with you.

Of course you do.

It's obvious you can see it in Gizmo's eyes.

The chaos, the fear...

The sudden inability to move my arm.

[grunts]

[both gasp]

You drugged my tea.

Yes. Now tell me about turning into a bad mogwai.

Because Gizmo's having these crazy freak-outs that...

-[snoring] -Whoops.

I drugged you too much.

We'll talk when you wake up.

[train chugging]

[ominous music playing]

[exclaiming timidly]

[shudders]

[yelps]

Oh, no.

[all] Chug, chug, chug.

Gizmo, you're not supposed to be drinking that!

Whoo!

-[thumps] -[groans]

[laughing maniacally] Ya!

Hurt Sam?

Hammer? Hammer?

[laughing maniacally]

[grunting]

Good idea. Time to trick where we eat, fellas.

Hey!

-[screams] -[laughing maniacally]

You know what we do to cheats?

Give a stern warning?

[all exclaiming]

[laughing maniacally]

Oh! [yells]

Whoa!

Yes! [laughing maniacally]

[Elle] Gizmo. Gizmo.

[Gizmo] Elle! Elle!

Gizmo!

Where's Sam?

And, to a lesser degree, Chang?

Sam! Choo-choo!

[speaking rapidly]

You need John Henry's hammer to free Sam and Chang from train tracks?

-Yes! -[chuckles]

You got all that, but you can't talk to a horse?

Okay? Giz. Where's the hammer?

I don't know.

Let's split up.

[sighing in despair]

[laughing maniacally]

[Calamity Jane] Card game's a wreck.

But I got a new wager for you, J.H.

I bet you my whip can make more tricksters fly.

[whip cracks]

[laughs] You're on, Jane. Bye-bye, little guy.

[screaming]

[chuckling evilly]

I ain't preaching moderation,

but I am preaching paying for your drinks, you little jerks.

Oh, so now you're against stealing.

It's about time you Geroni-go. [groans]

[thuds]

[laughing]

-[thuds] -[groans]

Jane!

Elle, here.

Yes.

Huh?

[gasps]

[laughing maniacally]

[laughing maniacally]

[grunts]

It was me.

All right. You ready, horsey?

[horse nickering]

[Calamity Jane] Hold up!

There's the little varmint.

[gasps]

-There he is. -There he is.

-Arrest the trickster, Marshal. -[man] Get that little rat!

Are they talking about you, Gizmo?

[whimpering]

[Johnny Appleseed] Before he destroys the rest of my dear saloon.

Well, lesson's over.

Time to fly.

[horse neighing]

-[screams] -Fly, girl. Fly.

[gasps]

Trust.

[triumphant music playing]

Whoo-hoo!

[all gasp]

[horse whinnies]

[groans]

Day like this, I could drink a whole barrel of apple cider.

If anyone feels that way too,

I do have some delicious reserve stock for reasonable prices. Huh?

[grunts]

[both straining]

Hold on, Sam.

[rumbling]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[both shouting]

[sniffles] Sam.

[Sam] Hey, guys. We're over here.

-[both gasps] -Sam.

Gizmo. Elle.

-How did you-- -[Chang] So, I was trying to free myself,

and I jostled this thing awake in my back pocket.

Burned right through the tracks.

Boom! Just like that.

What I still can't get over is how we ended up on those tracks.

[sighs softly]

Whoever tied us up was just some kind of evil.

Just a no-good monster.

[sighs in despair]

-[Marshal] Hyah! -[horse whinnies]

[train horn blowing]

Next stop, Gonggong and wishes.

And my mom.

[Fong] Sam?

[gasps] Mom! Dad!

[indistinct conversation]

Hi...

[Sam] Just a no-good monster.

[whimpering]

Monster.

-What happened to your head? -Minor concussion, I'll be fine.

But how did this happen?

Gambling-den brawl.

I don't like any of those words.

And more importantly, who are you?

He's Chang. He's saved us multiple times.

But everything's okay now. We're together and on the train.

So, all we need to do now is find and free a water god to save Elle's mom.

Oh, about that.

No way. We cannot ever free Gonggong. You hear?

What?

Like heck we're not.

Freeing Gonggong is how we save my mom.

[groans]

Bless my speedy metabolism.

[Sam] It's complicated.

[Fong] So is destroying the world.

[Sam] Well, it's not the first time we almost destroyed the world.

[Fong] That's not a good argument.

[indistinct conversation]

[sighing in despair]

[indistinct conversation]

[whimpering]

[grunts]

[portal zapping]

Listen, Elle, I hear your pain.

But the consequences of freeing Gonggong are larger than any of us.

If he is free, he will end the world.

Then we'll un-end it or something.

Sam, you're still with me to Gonggong, right?

Wait. Where's Gizmo?

Noggin's gone too.

[both exclaiming] Noggin is alive?

Gonggong can wait. We need to find Gizmo.

[zap]

[both] Chang?

[sighs] A whole lot going on, I know. So, I'll make this easy.

You are all going to get me to Gonggong so I can get my wish.

Or else...

But we're in this together.

Sorry, but take it as a lesson, Kid in the Hat.

Everybody's only ever in it for themselves.

[theme music playing]