Original subtitles

♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Is he bold? ♪ - ♪ No one braver ♪

- ♪ Is he sweet? ♪ - ♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪

- ♪ What a guy ♪ - ♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Ask his friends ♪ - ♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪

- ♪ Hercules ♪ - ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Come on ♪ - ♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now, the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Smart and shy ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one, a zero, zero ♪

♪ He'll never quit till he's a hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see.

The Gordian knot,

legend foretold that whoever could undo it

would unite the world.

That thing? Well, that don't look so tough.

Whoo!

Like I said, that is one complicated knot.

So, how did our boy Herc untie it?

He didn't. Alexander the Great did.

Uh, Bobby, baby, I don't want to bust your bubble,

but the name of this show is Hercules.

The story should have something to do with him.

Oh, but it does.

Our story begins at the prestigious Prometheus Academy,

or rather, at the prestigious Prometheus Jr. Academy.

So the hare ran his fastest,

but that slow and steady tortoise

beat him to the finish line.

- Yay! Good story! - That was a great story!

Well, thank you.

And now let's sing our "Happy Gods" song.

Yay!

♪ Bacchus makes our parties great ♪

♪ He bakes us happy birthday cakes ♪

Thank you for coming in on such short notice.

No problem. I like kids.

♪ In the east to bring The happy sun to Greece ♪

♪ That's why we're smiling all day long ♪

♪ And singing out this happy song ♪

Well, Mr. Aesop has got to get going,

but I'll be back next week with more stories.

Yay!

Goodbye, Mr. Aesop!

Well, that was fun, wasn't it?

Now, I know all you children are excited

about your nature hike with Mr. Botanus...

Yay!

But unfortunately he's sick today.

Oh... Mr. Botanus is sick?

What if we get sick, too?

Oh, I feel sick.

Alcides, you'll be fine.

Anyhoo, we have a special teacher's helper

from the big boys' and girls' Prometheus Academy.

Hercules is a...

Well, why don't I let him tell you?

Hello, boys and girls.

I am Hercules, a hero-in-training.

Uh, who can tell me what a hero is?

Hero-in-training? Geek.

I want to go on the field trip.

Hey, look... I got another loose tooth.

I know you're a little disappointed,

but I'll do my best to...

I want to go on the field trip!

Well, uh, I could take you on that field trip.

Really?

Are you sure you're up to this?

You know, they can be a handful.

Please. I'm a hero-in-training.

I can handle a few kids for an afternoon.

It's just a nature hike. What could go wrong?

Plenty, especially when two hungry monsters

are out hunting for their dinner.

Asheron, that one looks good.

He's moving towards the web.

Come on, baby, go for that web.

Just a few inches more.

Move, you little tiny morsel, you.

Go, you stupid slab of meat!

Ow!

No!

A little help here, Asheron.

Hold still. You're too squirmy.

Didn't I tell you that a web was a bad idea?

I said, "You can't catch big game with a web."

You're laying blame again.

Yeah, but I'm hungry!

And screaming is gonna fill your belly how, Achnus?

Yelling will help in what way?

All I'm asking is a little less hostility, OK?

A little less sarcasm if possible, hmm?

Fine. Fine.

Now, can we get hunting, please?

The hunger pangs are killing me.

Uh, OK, if everyone could just form

a single-file line right here.

Kids?

Mr. Hercules, kiss my sun-and-fun Aphrodite doll.

Uh, Callista, big boys don't kiss dollies.

Kiss my dolly now! Kiss her! Kiss her!

- Kiss her! Kiss her! - OK! OK, OK.

Mr. Hercules kissed my dolly.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Alex, have you been behind me the entire time?

Why aren't you playing with the other kids?

I don't play with them too much.

Besides, my sandals are untied.

Well, here, let me help you with that.

Watch. Cross over, loop, around, and through,

And then pull like a butterfly.

Thanks. I have trouble with knots.

Alexander the geek can't tie his own sandals.

Ha!

Not everybody wears horseshoes, Brutus.

Teasing hurts, huh?

Nah, I'm used to it.

Oh, all right, gang,

Uh... Simmer down!

Now that I have your attention,

form a line, please.

OK, this will be a long hike.

I'm going to need a second-in-command to keep this rowdy group in order.

Me! Me! Me!

Pick me! Pick me!

Alex, how would you like to have the job?

Oh, not Alexander the geek. Ugh!

You'll be in charge of the map, OK?

I'm not too good with that kind of stuff,

Mr. Hercules.

Come on, Alex. I have faith in you.

Well... OK, I'll do it.

Oh, unbelievable.

Alex, you're going to be great.

OK, gang, Let's stick together.

We don't want anyone to get lost.

Lost?

Are there scary animals out here?

Could they eat us?

Well, as a hero-in-training, I'm prepared for any...

- Mr. Hercules. - Unforeseen event.

My tooth came out.

Almost any unforeseen event.

♪ Poseidon fills the happy sea ♪

♪ With lots of fish for you and me ♪

♪ Iris paints the happy skies ♪

♪ With rainbows that delight our eyes ♪

♪ Morpheus does magic things ♪

♪ He brings us lots of happy dreams ♪

♪ That's why we're smiling all day long ♪

♪ And singing out this happy song ♪

Ugh!

Whew!

♪ Bacchus makes our parties great ♪

♪ He bakes us happy birthday cakes ♪

♪ Cupid's arrows fill the air ♪

♪ With happy love for all to share ♪

♪ Apollo rises in the east ♪

♪ To bring the happy sun to Greece ♪

♪ That's why we're smiling all day long ♪

♪ And singing out this happy song ♪

Hmm... ♪ Poseidon fills the happy sea ♪

♪ With lots of fish for you and me ♪

♪ Iris paints the happy skies ♪

No, please stop singing! I'm begging you!

Stop singing!

Are you all right, Mr. Hercules?

Is it story time?

Yeah, tell us a story... now!

Yeah, yeah, OK, OK.

Uh, let's see... Hey, ah, an almond tree.

Do you kids know the story of Phyllis

and the almond tree?

Is it one of Mr. Aesop's stories?

Oh, no, no, no, it's much better.

You see, Phyllis was a very sad woman

because her husband, Acamas, went away on a long journey.

And so Athena took mercy on Phyllis

and turned her into an almond tree.

Ha ha ha.

You can get turned into a tree 'cause you're sad?

No, no, there's more...

Is that Phyllis right there?

No, no, I don't think...

Did you just eat one of Phyllis' eyeballs?

No, no, it's nothing like that.

Do all sad people get turned into trees?

If that tree is not Phyllis then who is it?

Guys, it's just... it's a story.

I like Mr. Aesop's stories better.

Knots.

- I hate knots. - No, no...

Trouble tying your sandals, doofus?

I don't think...

- Are all of these trees sad people? - Uh oh!

Hey, second-in-command, I got a salute for you.

- Bam! - Ow!

The map!

- Your fault! - Your fault!

The maps gone! Are we lost?

Are there monsters out here?

Nothing to worry about.

All we have to do is go back the way we came.

We'll be home by dinner, OK?

OK, we're lost.

Mr. Hercules, this tooth came out, too.

Another one?

I want to go home.

We're never going to get home, are we?

We're going to get eaten by the monsters,

and we'll never see our mommies again.

Guys, there aren't any monsters.

We haven't seen any monsters. We aren't going to see any monsters.

Aah! Monster! Monster!

No, no, no, Callista, Callista, it's just a little lizard.

See? He's harmless.

Really?

Yeah.

He's as afraid of you as you are of him.

Uh, Mr. Hercules, what about those?

Are they afraid of us, too?

You sticking with that no monster story, big shot?

Monster! Monster! Monster!

Hey, stop it! Don't run so fast!

You get all sweaty, and then you get too salty.

I'm watching my sodium.

Alex, make sure the others are safe.

I'll hold off the monsters.

Um, OK.

Whoa. I didn't know there would be pointed weapons involved.

So, do you surrender?

Not now! Not ever! En garde!

En garde!

Oh, nice move, Achnus. Excellent parry.

Oh, thank you.

Ow!

Up till the end, you were doing great.

I'll be right back.

Mr. Hercules, In here!

I miss my mommy.

Hey, we'll make it back just fine.

You'll see. Try not to be sad, OK?

Yeah. If we're sad,

we'll get turned into almond trees!

You're not going to be turned into an almond tree.

Why did I ever tell that story?

Mr. Hercules, I lost another tooth.

Ugh... He is not! Take it back!

Make me, dummy head.

Hey, you two, stop it.

He started it.

He said it's your fault that we got lost

and that you're a dummy head.

We'd be home by now

if you hadn't given the map to Alexander the geek!

Ow! Hey, your father's going to hear

about your behavior when we get back.

If we get back, big shot.

Don't let Brutus get to you, Mr. Hercules.

I have faith in you.

You do?

Yeah. You're a hero.

Hero-in-training.

I wouldn't mind seeing my mommy right about now.

Hey, you know what? We should sing the "Happy Gods" song.

That always makes me feel better.

Yeah!

Whatever.

Why not? Maybe we'll stop Alcides

from turning into an almond tree.

Kidding, I'm so kidding.

All right, everybody.

♪ Bacchus makes our parties great ♪

♪ He bakes us happy birthday cakes ♪

♪ Cupid's arrows fill the air ♪

♪ With happy love for all to share ♪

♪ Apollo rises in the east ♪

♪ To bring the happy sun to Greece ♪

Wait! Mr. Hercules,

Apollo's chariot rises in the east.

If you know which way is east,

can't you get us, like, not un-lost?

Kids, I know the way home.

♪ Aeolus blows a happy breeze ♪

♪ To dance among the swaying trees ♪

♪ Demeter grows us happy crops ♪

♪ To satisfy our chomping chops ♪

♪ Zeus is happy, wise, and just ♪

♪ He's always watching over us ♪

♪ That's why we're smiling all day long ♪

♪ And singing out this happy song ♪

♪ Aeolus blows a happy breeze ♪

♪ To dance among the swaying trees ♪

♪ Demeter grows us happy crops ♪

Callista. Has anyone seen callista?

Callista dropped her dolly,

and she said she has to go get it.

Perfect. I'll go get her.

Don't go anywhere. You're in charge, Alex.

OK. Wait. Me?

There you are.

I've been looking all over for you.

I'm very mad.

We feel exactly the same way.

Aah!

Ow!

Did the dirt taste good?

'Cause that's all we're going to eat if you don't catch them!

Ah, temper, Achnus, temper.

My dolly. I dropped my dolly.

Callista, I'm sorry, it's too dangerous to go back.

I want my dolly! Give me my dolly!

OK, well, since you put it that way...

Here. Now, don't drop it again.

Thank you, Mr. Hercules.

Aah!

My leg... it's numb.

Hurry, Mr. Hercules!

Yes! Now we're getting somewhere.

Careful. There's nothing more dangerous

than a wounded hero when he's protecting his young.

Aah!

Aah!

Move your lazy carcass.

Run, Mr. Hercules!

Hurry! Hurry!

Whoa! Aah!

Oops. Too much weightage.

Whoa!

Aah!

Asheron!

Mr. Hercules!

He'll be OK. He'll be OK.

Whoo! We got the big one!

Oh, no!

All righty, it's chow time.

Wait. We eat him now,

and the bite-size treats are going to get away.

Right. Good point.

You web him up, and I'll go get them.

OK.

Gone again? What is it with these kids?

Oh, man, those monsters are going to eat Mr. Hercules.

Then they'll eat us.

I don't want a monster to eat me.

I do not want to be an almond tree.

That's it! Game over, baby, game over!

Stop it!

Snap out of it, man!

If we're going to save Mr. Hercules,

we're going to have to do a little growing up.

I know we're only kindergärtners,

but today we have to act like third graders.

Do you understand me?

Oh, we're going to save Mr. Hercules?

Ha! Anybody who thinks we can save him

is a dummy head!

Well, then call me a dummy head.

Poor blanky.

Do you want to save Mr. Hercules?

Do you want to go home?

Yes! Uh, sorry.

How's that doll coming?

Almost done. Want to kiss her?

Yuck! I'm no dolly kisser.

That enough teeth, Alex?

Hmm... can you give me one more?

How's that?

Great! Now let's just, um...

Here. You tie it.

This is still a dummy-head plan.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, Brutus,

Except you.

Move out!

You sure this is where they were?

Yes, I'm sure. They were right here.

Don't be snippy. How far could they get on two little stubby legs, huh?

Brutus, you're on!

There they are!

Good job, team! Let's go, go, go!

Aah!

Close the jaw

and get your lazy carcass down there!

OK, I'm on it.

Kids, untie me fast.

OK, Mr. Hercules.

Mmm, appetizers and a main course.

Come on, kids, hurry!

Knots! Why did it have to be knots?

I hate knots!

I almost got it.

Oh!

Hey, way to go, Alex. Quick thinking.

It was? Really?

Stand back, kids.

Come on now. A doll?

Yeah. You want to kiss it?

Ow!

Aah!

Oh, I feel kind of wobbly.

Don't you fall on me.

You never listen.

Way to go, Mr. H.

We didn't die.

You're a hero.

No. What saved you guys was some quick thinking and leadership.

The real hero here is Alex.

For innovative thinking, courage, and leadership.

Let's hear it for Alexander the Great!

Yay!

And that is how Alexander the geek

became Alexander the Great,

for it was he who solved the puzzle of the Gordian knot

by cutting through what others could not untie,

all thanks to a lesson in unorthodox thinking

provided by his mentor Hercules,

coincidentally the star of our show.

Hercules really helped that kid become something.

Yes, he did, but don't be too impressed.

Great as he was, he never did learn to tie his sandals.