Original subtitles

♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Is he bold? ♪ - ♪ No one braver ♪

- ♪ Is he sweet? ♪ - ♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪

- ♪ What a guy ♪ - ♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Ask his friends ♪ - ♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪

- ♪ Hercules ♪ - ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Come on ♪ - ♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now, the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Smart and shy ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one, a zero, zero ♪

♪ He'll never quit till he's a hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see.

And... go!

Oof! Oof!

Ack! Oh! Ow!

Whoa!

Blech.

How'd I do?

Eh, kid, the object of an obstacle course

is to go over, under, or around the obstacles,

Not through them.

I know. It's just that sometimes my feet don't exactly go where I aim them.

- Whoa! - I've noticed.

We'll double up on agility drills tonight.

Whoa! You got to get to school.

Hurry. You'll miss the barge.

Whoa!

Morning!

Oops! Sorry!

Syrinx, ooh, my darling nymph.

Don't you look, uh, delicious.

Upside-down cake. Ooh, my fave.

Oh, poor Hercules.

That boy is less coordinated than a two-headed monkey.

Hey, he was like a three-headed monkey when I took him on.

Of course, I'm not going to teach him all my moves.

Oh, Philly, you are such a rake.

Wow, something must be bothering you.

You kind of remind me of... me.

Phil says I just need to "train smarter."

But I don't know,

I feel like I was born with two left feet.

Oh, really? Whoa! Supercool!

Come on, take off your sandals.

Come on, give us a peek.

It's an expression.

Well, call it what you want,

but it's probably the reason that Herc's so clumsy.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, come on. Cheer up.

You know what they say...

clumsiness is next to godliness.

Uh, I think it's cleanliness, actually.

Clumsiness is next to cleanliness?

Aah! Guess so.

Sorry I'm late, coach Phys Oed...

Miss Thespis?

OK, people. Settle.

Now, coach Phys Oedipus has taken...

an extended leave of absence,

which has nothing to do.

With the incident involving Hercules and the shot put.

Six months in traction and no solid foods.

It was an accident.

Well, you'd be the expert there.

Hmm. So with no gym coach,

somebody thought, "Miss Thespis is the drama coach.

Close enough."

Oh, yes, this is perfect.

You know, I've always viewed gym class as a combo

of comedy and tragedy.

Yeah, right, than-thanks for sharing, Icarus.

OK, I've decided to make some changes in the athletic program.

Finally, repeated proposals that my servants run laps in my stead

have fallen on deaf ears.

Very creative, Adonis, but uh-uh.

I have an even better idea.

Five, six, seven, eight.

We're all gonna dance!

What? Dance?

- No way! - You're kidding?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Girls and boys.

I have got a whole forest of cute woodland animals

to cast for our annual dance recital.

Whoo! Animals! Well, I'll audition.

Gazelle, an interpretation.

Aah! Hamstring! I'm out.

Someone up there does like me.

Oh, Miss Thespis,

I believe we have another volunteer...

Over here.

Hercules... uh, OK. Yeah, sure.

We'll just get these shot puts out of your way.

And you're on.

Uh, I... I had this big lunch, and, uh...

I'm feeling kinda bloated. You know.

Yeah, who isn't, sunshine?

All right, and you're on!

Come on.

Try not to level the place.

All right, warm-up time.

One, two, three, four,

shake that shyness out the door.

Our boy Hercules is in trouble.

Yeah, you sing it, girl.

Time out.

I beg your pardon?

This is where we sing.

Musical enhancement of the storytelling.

No! It's an inspiration emergency.

We muses do more than sing about the story.

You got that right, baby.

We also got to look gorgeous 24-7, honey.

We inspire artistic greatness.

I will make this boy bust a move!

Hmm. That's the only thing he hasn't busted.

OK, Hercules. Show us what you got.

Wait... OK.

Oh, man. Where's a fire drill when you need one?

Honey, forget the fire drill.

You've got me.

Wha... who are you?

Terpsichore.

I'm your muse.

I have a muse? Ha! Cool!

Well, not just your muse.

I help anyone who needs it,

and, honey, you need it.

Hey, guys, I have a muse!

Whoa.

Don't worry. It's not permanent.

Whoa. Whoa! Wait!

And just where do you think you're going?

I did not put everyone on ice so you could run away.

But if I don't run now, I'm... I'm... I'm gonna have to dance.

And that's exactly what you're gonna do.

You don't understand. I'll bring the house down... Literally.

You can do it. You can dance.

Did you know that I was actually born with two left feet?

Hmm. I heard you were born the son of Zeus,

So I figure you've got the strength and courage

to do just about anything.

Heh. Even dance?

Don't worry.

I'll be with you every two-step of the way.

Wait!

Oh, enough waiting!

Dance, Hercules! Dance!

Come on. Just listen to the music.

But there isn't any music!

Music. He needs music.

Don't just stand there.

Twinkle toes needs music.

This ought to be rich.

- Shh. - Shh.

♪ First let your left foot wiggle ♪

♪ To the sound of a shimmy shimmy shoup ♪

♪ Shimmy, shimmy ♪

- ♪ Shoup, shoup ♪ - ♪ oh, yeah ♪

♪ Then make your right one wiggle ♪

♪ Like you're stirring up a steamy soup ♪

♪ Stir it up ♪

- ♪ Soup soup ♪ - ♪ Honey ♪

♪ Now put a double dose dip in your hip ♪

♪ And slip into Terpsichore's trip ♪

♪ You gotta go where the music moves you ♪

♪ Every hero's got to take a chance ♪

♪ Do what the rhythm tells you to do ♪

♪ Because, baby ♪

♪ You were born to dance ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ You gotta trust your soul ♪

♪ Roll with the flow Of a ballet or a bunny hop ♪

♪ Once you start to sway In your natural way ♪

♪ You may find it hard to stop ♪

♪ You gotta go where the music moves you ♪

♪ Every hero's got to take a chance ♪

♪ Do what the rhythm tells you to do ♪

♪ Because, baby ♪

♪ You were born to dance ♪

Glorious. Hercules, I was inspired.

Yeah, so was I.

You must dance the climactic grand jeté

of the Cerynean Hind!

Oh, really?

W-W-What... what... what's a Cerynean Hind?

It's a deer, dear.

I shall be the Hind!

Oh, may I audition for the recital, too?

- Me, too! - I wanna be the muskrat.

I just wanna dance!

Whoa! What got into you?

Ah, the muse of dance inspired me.

Ah! Listen to that!

He's even talking like an artsy-smartsy.

I can foresee it now. Thanks to you,

Every hero will be required to wear tights.

Oh, great. I was hoping my big success as a hero

would be a slaying of a Hydra or conquering Titans,

not prancing around in stretchy legwear.

Well, if you ask me, your big success is what you didn't do.

Huh?

You didn't trip. You didn't crash.

You didn't cause structural damage.

Yeah, and for a guy born with two left feet,

come on, you were actually kind of graceful.

Hey, you guys are right.

For once, I feel like I can get through sixth period

without any major catastrophic consequences.

So how'd I do?

Unbelievable.

I knew my tips would get you over your klutz problem.

Which was it? "Work harder" or "train smarter"?

It's dancing.

Dancing?

I started dancing at school.

It's incredible.

I'm not clumsy anymore,

And I... I even get to be a hind

in the school dance recital.

Be a hind?

Ooh, I gotta run. See ya, Philly.

Congratulations, cutie. That's great.

Uh, I don't know if "great"

is the exact word I'd use.

Eh, don't get me wrong.

Dancing's a beautiful artistic form of expression and all,

just, uh, not for a hero-in-training.

Well, why not?

You see, uh, heroes don't dance.

It's not, uh, manly,

it's not dignified, and, well...

Uh, it's just plain... Embarrassing.

My little girl is datin' a goat-man?

I mean, a goat, fine.

A man, well, OK,

But an itty-bitty goat-man?

That's not done.

With all due respect, Ephialtes, sir,

He's a satyr.

Who's a satyr, softwood?

The itty-bitty goat-man...

He's actually a satyr.

I don't care if he's a fried potater.

I want him mashed!

Daddy! I'm sweet on Phil,

and there's nothing you can do about it.

Oh, can't I now, little girl?

Daddy, please.

Would you just let me grow up?

Phil...

We're gonna whack this weed, boys.

So I guess dancing the role of the Cerynean Hind

just doesn't fit my trainer's image of macho.

But wait! Oh, no, no, no.

Look. I already made the costume.

Look at these antlers... an eight-pointer.

How macho can you get?

I-I'm really sorry.

Bup... fiddup! No. Don't utter another word.

Just go.

But maybe somebody else could...

Blipup. Blipupup.

So how'd it go?

Oh, I think she took it pretty well.

You let Adonis shame you into quitting?

It wasn't Adonis.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Twinkle toes,

Fancy pants, tutu tights.

Give it up, Adonis.

I already quit the recital.

Oh, now what do I do with my afternoon?

It's... it's Phil.

He thinks dancing will ruin my chances to become a hero.

Some hero.

How could you drop out?

I... This would have been our best dance recital ever.

Don't take this the wrong way, Hercules,

But you've ruined everything.

But, Helen...

Why won't you let Hercules dance in that recital?

Ooh, fescue.

What was the question?

You are being so stubborn and hardheaded.

You remind me of my daddy,

stubborn old stick-in-the-mud.

Hmm. Sounds like my kind of guy.

Hey!

You know, if you let Herc dance...

I love when you do that.

I could be your date for the recital.

Maybe I was a bit rash.

Maybe?

You little nymph.

Come back here.

Whoa!

Ugh.

Oh, don't you "ugh" me.

Terpsichore.

Honey, last time I saw you,

you were dazzling the stage.

Now you're wallowing in a mud pit.

Ugh. Where did I go wrong?

No offense, but I need the muse of heroic fighting.

And... and action, not the muse of dance.

There's a difference?

Don't heroes need strength?

Don't heroes need agility?

Don't heroes need perfect timing?

It doesn't matter if you're twirling in a tutu,

or trouncing a Titan.

Dancing makes you stronger,

faster, more confident, and less clumsy.

But how do I tell Phil that?

You know what to say.

I do?

OK. I'm here.

I'll help.

Phil, honey, you listen, and you listen good.

Huh?

Phil! Oh, hey.

Uh, uh, got a minute?

Kid, I know I've been a bit thickheaded

about the whole dance thing...

Phil, if I wanna dance,

I'm gonna... hey, wait. Really?

Oh, that's great!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What say I check out your next...

Rehearsal.

Pathetic! You trees make me sycamore!

Well, sir, we almost got him,

but for an itty-bitty goat-man, I tell you what.

He is a hard target.

Mmm, what he said.

Stand down, sapling!

Just tell me where he is now.

Oh, I can't take it anymore.

Miss Thespis, the Cerynean Hind is scaring Helen again.

Oh, Helen, come...

Ew, I know. He scares me, too.

Hey, this wasn't my idea, all right?

I was happy to be peat moss to my beloved Cassandra's rock.

If only I could crawl under myself.

I don't care if you want to be pond scum.

You're the hind,

Now, dance, you little fool, dance.

Miss Thespis!

OK, OK, we'll try it again.

Places everyone.

Oh, Hercules!

Hercules!

Hercules?

My hero.

Oh, Phil, I'm so glad we came.

Aren't you?

Yeah. Whoa.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

Ewww.

I think he looks adorable.

Work it, honey. You are the hind.

Oh, bravo!

Awesome, young buck. Oh, bravo.

Um, I am still the understudy, right?

Icarus, you just be the best darn peat moss

you can be.

Oh, Hercules.

I've never seen such pretty prancing.

Have you?

Stop! Enough!

That's it, kid. Your days as dancing doe are done.

But, Phil... If I told you once,

I told you a thousand times,

Heroes don't dance.

Now, you may not like it, but trust me...

It's for your own good.

Now let's get outta here.

Huh? Yikes!

You're not going anywhere, sitter.

Uh, that's "satyr," sir.

- Ooh, he's gonna be sadder, all right. - Not what I said.

I'll protect you, my darling!

No!

I'd rather... aah!

Whoa!

Whoa, there must be some mistake here.

I'll say. Don't worry, Phil.

I'll take care of this!

Aah! Don't worry, Phil.

Uh, Pegasus will take care of this!

Well, I guess I can worry now.

Right now, you're probably asking yourself,

"Is his bark worse than his bite?"

Well, mister, it's right deadly.

Daddy!

Daddy?

Go home, Syrinx.

This is between me and the itty-bitty goat-man.

Itty-bitty goat-man?

Unbranch him, Daddy.

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times,

forest nymphs do not date sayter... satur...

Itty-bitty goat-men!

Now, you may not like it, but trust me. It's for your own good.

Hmm, something sounds familiar here.

Listen!

If Syrinx wants to date an itty-bitty goat-man...

Ow!

Again with the itty-bitty.

It's up to her!

- Aah! - Yeah!

And if I wanna dance, well, it's up to me!

Hey, hey, whoa, now. Wait a minute.

And if my boys want to grind you to mulch,

well, that's up to them.

Whoa!

Oh, my, my, my.

I'm afraid that poor boy may never dance again.

Oh, yeah?

It's just you and me now... One on one...

mano a... what are you, anyway?

Hercules!

I'm rooting for you, Phil!

I'm coming.

Just as soon as I... Aah!

Can't I leave you for five minutes?

Terpsichore!

Can you get me out?

I'm the muse of dance, honey,

not the jaws of life.

Well, what should I do?

Feel the music.

What music?

- Huh? What? - Huh?

You go, girl!

That is beautiful, yet morose,

haunting and downright bone-chilling,

like a sad little bird.

I, too, find it sappy,

especially at this moment,

right when I'm about to whoop your hide!

Now to burn this pile of kindling once and for all.

Phil!

Hoo!

Phil!

Give it up, ballerina boy.

That's it, kid!

Dance! Dance like my life depends on it.

That was beautiful, kid.

I never knew dancing could be so heroic.

Does that mean you'll let me dance in the recital?

Syrinx!

Oh, somebody save my baby!

Get down, dude. Feel the music.

Well, I reckon I'm stumped.

Anyone who'd risk their life

for my little girl is OK by me.

Mmm. Honey, if you wanna date an itty-bit...

Um, Phil, you have my oak, er, I mean, OK.

Thanks, Daddy,

and, Daddy, could you do one more thing for me?

What's that, my little sugar maple?

No more tree puns. I'd be ever so grateful.

Ah, since it saved my life and all,

I gotta admit, I was wrong about dancing,

and I must say, you're surprisingly graceful.

So I can dance in the recital?

We'll be sitting in the front row, champ.