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♪ Who put the
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
2
00:00:10,667 --> 00:00:12,000
♪ Hercules ♪
3
00:00:12,083 --> 00:00:14,542
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
4
00:00:14,625 --> 00:00:16,041
♪ Hercules ♪
5
00:00:16,125 --> 00:00:17,208
♪ Is he bold? ♪
6
00:00:17,291 --> 00:00:18,458
♪ No one braver ♪
7
00:00:18,542 --> 00:00:19,417
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
8
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:21,875
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
9
00:00:21,959 --> 00:00:23,959
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
10
00:00:24,041 --> 00:00:25,583
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
11
00:00:25,667 --> 00:00:26,792
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
12
00:00:26,875 --> 00:00:29,208
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ah, Hercules ♪
13
00:00:29,291 --> 00:00:31,750
♪ Hercules ♪
14
00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:33,667
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
15
00:00:33,750 --> 00:00:35,208
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
16
00:00:35,291 --> 00:00:36,500
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
17
00:00:36,583 --> 00:00:37,667
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
18
00:00:37,750 --> 00:00:38,959
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
19
00:00:39,041 --> 00:00:40,458
♪ No complainin' ♪
20
00:00:40,542 --> 00:00:41,959
♪ He was a no one ♪
21
00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:43,625
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
22
00:00:43,709 --> 00:00:44,834
♪ He's our hero ♪
23
00:00:44,917 --> 00:00:48,000
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
24
00:00:48,083 --> 00:00:49,417
♪ From zero to hero ♪
25
00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:51,792
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
26
00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:53,959
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
27
00:00:58,041 --> 00:00:59,166
Wait and see!
28
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,875
Live from the
celebrity amphitheater
29
00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:10,750
on the corner of
Olive and Grapevine,
30
00:01:10,834 --> 00:01:15,125
It's The Merv Griffin
Show, starring Merv Griffin.
31
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:17,166
Hey, thank you.
32
00:01:17,250 --> 00:01:20,333
Well, we have a very
special guest for you today...
33
00:01:20,417 --> 00:01:22,500
Extraordinary young man.
34
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,959
Stirring quite a buzz over
the whole Hellenic World.
35
00:01:26,041 --> 00:01:28,250
He's a student, son of Zeus,
36
00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:31,625
or son of a Zeus, and
one heck of a nice kid.
37
00:01:31,709 --> 00:01:34,583
Put your hands
together for Hercules.
38
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,583
Well, welcome.
Good to see you again.
39
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:43,417
Oh, thanks, Merv.
It's great to be back.
40
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:46,667
You've been here before,
and it always intrigues me,
41
00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:49,125
Your life as a demigod.
42
00:01:49,208 --> 00:01:52,333
Oh, well, uh, I'm half-god
and half-mortal, so, uh,
43
00:01:52,417 --> 00:01:54,417
sometimes I'm
stuck in the middle.
44
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:58,125
Fascinating. Well, let's hear
more about the real Hercules,
45
00:01:58,208 --> 00:02:02,250
The boy behind the armor,
if you will. What's your story?
46
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:05,291
As you know, Merv, I
was born on Olympus,
47
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:08,625
but I was raised by my mortal
parents on a farm in Arcadia.
48
00:02:08,709 --> 00:02:10,375
Go get 'em, son!
49
00:02:10,458 --> 00:02:12,041
Hey, Ma. Hey, Pop.
50
00:02:12,125 --> 00:02:14,667
It's a long way from
farm boy to wonder boy.
51
00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:15,750
And guess what, folks,
52
00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:20,166
we have some highlights of Hercules'
early career to view here tonight.
53
00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:22,041
OK, uh, that's me.
54
00:02:22,125 --> 00:02:24,542
That's me getting
ready to raise my sword.
55
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,625
Uh, sword's a little higher now.
56
00:02:27,709 --> 00:02:29,792
Uh, Hercules, this is
only a half-hour show.
57
00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:32,709
Oh, well, uh, if you want to speed
things up, I know just the guy.
58
00:02:33,583 --> 00:02:36,041
Herc, babe, I am on the job.
59
00:02:36,125 --> 00:02:40,667
Merv, you are such a
cat, and I mean that, man.
60
00:02:40,750 --> 00:02:43,375
OK, let's get this scroll
rolling at a fast clip.
61
00:02:44,041 --> 00:02:46,333
Clip? Hey, that's a
good name for this.
62
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:59,000
♪ Doesn't have what it takes ♪
63
00:02:59,083 --> 00:03:01,208
♪ But maybe he'll get it ♪
64
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:06,375
♪ Maybe someday till
then those are the breaks ♪
65
00:03:06,458 --> 00:03:08,709
♪ So why should he sweat it? ♪
66
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,917
♪ We'll try to tell him that ♪
67
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,208
♪ He's got to learn to
wait till the time is right ♪
68
00:03:14,291 --> 00:03:18,291
♪ He's got to know his heart
before he starts to fight ♪
69
00:03:18,375 --> 00:03:21,458
♪ And if anyone
could pull it off ♪
70
00:03:21,542 --> 00:03:23,500
♪ Hercules might ♪
71
00:03:25,375 --> 00:03:27,500
♪ So call him half a man ♪
72
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,375
♪ He's growin' day and night ♪
73
00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:32,917
♪ Just give him half a chance
He's gonna do all right ♪
74
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,542
♪ Could anyone
do more than that? ♪
75
00:03:36,625 --> 00:03:40,250
♪ Well, maybe he'll
do more than that ♪
76
00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:43,291
♪ If anyone could pull it off ♪
77
00:03:43,375 --> 00:03:45,625
♪ Hercules might ♪
78
00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:50,208
So, you were saying.
79
00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:53,667
Oh, right, uh... So, this is
my coach Phil and Pegasus.
80
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:56,750
A flying horse. Amazing.
81
00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:01,500
Yeah. Phil's always taught me
82
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:05,166
that the secret to being a true
hero is to remember my hero rules.
83
00:04:06,208 --> 00:04:08,458
Blech. Oh, man!
84
00:04:08,542 --> 00:04:10,959
Hero rule number 72.
85
00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:12,375
Number 33.
86
00:04:12,458 --> 00:04:13,792
Number 88.
87
00:04:13,875 --> 00:04:15,500
186.
88
00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:16,875
Number 147.
89
00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:19,834
Fee-fie-fo-fum.
90
00:04:19,917 --> 00:04:22,834
Hero rule nine, giants are dumb.
91
00:04:22,917 --> 00:04:25,542
Well, sometimes I don't
exactly remember them
92
00:04:25,625 --> 00:04:26,750
as well as I should.
93
00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:30,291
Ooh! That had to hurt.
94
00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:33,917
Ouch.
95
00:04:34,834 --> 00:04:35,834
Look out.
96
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:40,083
Ooh. This looks more like
low lights than highlights.
97
00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:41,667
Yeah.
98
00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:45,250
Uh, Hermes, maybe we could
skip over this part, you know?
99
00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:47,500
Can the bloopers.
Got you covered.
100
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:49,500
Ah. There we go. That's better.
101
00:04:49,583 --> 00:04:53,959
Now, what's the best part about
going to the elite Prometheus Academy?
102
00:04:54,041 --> 00:04:57,083
The best part? Uh, gosh, I have to
say the friends that I've met there.
103
00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:59,875
None better than
my best pal Icarus.
104
00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:01,208
Hey, Icarus, you out there?
105
00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:03,458
Hang on! I'm going
to be there in a jiffy.
106
00:05:03,542 --> 00:05:04,542
Ow!
107
00:05:04,917 --> 00:05:06,917
Yow! Mayday, mayday!
108
00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:12,750
Ladies and gentlemen, you know him
as the kid who flew too close to the sun,
109
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,000
Icarus!
110
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:19,834
I think everybody wants to
know why wax for the wings?
111
00:05:19,917 --> 00:05:22,000
And why the
fascination with the sun?
112
00:05:22,083 --> 00:05:24,208
You really cut me
to the quick, Merv.
113
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,917
You want to break me, don't ya?
114
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:30,333
Playing with my head, trying to
make me cry like a big fat baby.
115
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:35,542
Well, I'm not going to fall for your
ratings-grabbing talk show tricks.
116
00:05:37,041 --> 00:05:40,125
Oh, man! I'm a freak, Merv!
117
00:05:40,458 --> 00:05:43,291
- He's your best friend really?
- Uh, yeah.
118
00:05:43,375 --> 00:05:45,709
Icarus and I have been
through a lot together.
119
00:05:45,792 --> 00:05:47,750
Oh, yeah, yeah!
120
00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:49,500
The guy with the thing...
121
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:52,423
- The thing, yeah, and it was too, uh...
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
122
00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,393
I don't want to interrupt, but
what are you talking about?
123
00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:56,875
Sorry. I just have some
stuff of Icarus and me, too.
124
00:05:56,959 --> 00:05:58,639
Uncle Hermes, you
want to roll that stuff?
125
00:05:58,834 --> 00:06:01,166
That depends. Do
I have to watch it?
126
00:06:01,834 --> 00:06:06,125
Ha ha! "Do I have to
watch it?" You are killing...
127
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:07,208
Shut up!
128
00:06:11,625 --> 00:06:15,417
♪ Who soars like
an eagle in flight? ♪
129
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,500
♪ Icarus ♪
130
00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:20,208
♪ Who fights for the
right with his might? ♪
131
00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:21,125
♪ Icarus ♪
132
00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:25,250
♪ Who thwarts any threat
without breaking a sweat ♪
133
00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:28,250
♪ And looks pretty
good in his tights? ♪
134
00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:29,500
♪ That's me ♪
135
00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:33,125
♪ Icarus ♪
136
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:37,583
♪ Icarus ♪
137
00:06:38,625 --> 00:06:40,542
The sun is about to set,
138
00:06:41,125 --> 00:06:44,291
but I will not allow
this temple to close.
139
00:06:45,125 --> 00:06:48,875
I will not be moved.
140
00:06:54,709 --> 00:06:56,625
I have to go to the bathroom.
141
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,583
Hey, that's me.
142
00:06:58,667 --> 00:07:00,375
We get the idea. Right.
143
00:07:00,458 --> 00:07:02,458
So, how convenient.
144
00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:08,250
Ooh! Bring on the big "c," baby!
145
00:07:08,333 --> 00:07:12,542
Hey, hey. Here's the time
Circe turned you into a platypus.
146
00:07:12,625 --> 00:07:15,041
Oh, yeah, and a darn
nice platypus I was, too.
147
00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:17,959
Oh, like it was a good thing.
148
00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:21,583
At least you weren't a lemur.
149
00:07:23,333 --> 00:07:25,625
Oh, and here's when we took
care of those stupid minions
150
00:07:25,709 --> 00:07:27,542
who worked for Hades.
151
00:07:28,041 --> 00:07:31,333
Ooh, you've tangled
with the fearsome Hades?
152
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:32,875
Now, that must have been scary.
153
00:07:34,083 --> 00:07:36,542
No way. Herc eats that
big blowhard for breakfast.
154
00:07:36,625 --> 00:07:39,458
Come on! Just look how
many times he's burned Hades.
155
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,417
The curtain was almost down!
156
00:07:45,709 --> 00:07:47,917
Oh, yeah, I forgot
about that one.
157
00:07:48,458 --> 00:07:49,959
Ciao, babe. Ciao.
158
00:07:50,917 --> 00:07:53,041
I got to go. I got to
go shampoo my hair.
159
00:07:53,125 --> 00:07:54,625
That's likely.
160
00:07:54,709 --> 00:07:56,041
There goes my credit rating.
161
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,269
Does anybody feel
like a cup of coffee?
162
00:08:04,625 --> 00:08:09,083
Oh, man, look at that jerk!
Puh-lease. He's not scaring anybody.
163
00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:11,083
You know, Merv, he's
not as tough as he looks.
164
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:14,000
That's because he
looks like a nincompoop.
165
00:08:17,041 --> 00:08:20,417
Ooh, that's funny. The
boss is a big nincom...
166
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,583
Poop.
167
00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:27,834
He thinks he can make
a monkey out of me, huh?
168
00:08:27,917 --> 00:08:31,542
Actually, your tenaciousness, I
think the word was "nincompoop."
169
00:08:31,625 --> 00:08:34,709
I know what it was, thank you.
170
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:36,959
Come on, boys.
171
00:08:37,041 --> 00:08:39,667
Merv doesn't know it,
172
00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:41,959
But he's about to be canceled.
173
00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:52,333
Hoo-hoo! He certainly
deserved that one.
174
00:08:52,792 --> 00:08:53,792
He usually does.
175
00:08:54,417 --> 00:08:55,583
Wow.
176
00:08:55,667 --> 00:08:58,000
How about this one? Run
away as fast as you can.
177
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,917
Yes, fascinating.
178
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,542
Extraordinary footage,
really one-of-a-kind.
179
00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:08,709
Will you cut that out?
180
00:09:08,792 --> 00:09:10,583
This isn't your show. It's mine.
181
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:13,667
Correction! It's my show now.
182
00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:15,500
Hades is in the house!
183
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:17,959
Hey, clear out,
cat. This is our gig.
184
00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:21,792
Hey, the lounge loser and
his lingo, like, "beat it, cat."
185
00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:26,667
Hey, Jercules, guess what?
News flash! You've been bumped.
186
00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:30,917
You can't take my
show away like this.
187
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,709
That's right, mister.
You are in for a but...
188
00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:37,000
Put a cork in it.
189
00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:41,667
Athens, get ready, babies.
Because now I'm too hip, I can't stay.
190
00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:43,500
I almost got to
go, but I'm here!
191
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:48,375
And now, dead, From the
underworld amphitheater,
192
00:09:48,417 --> 00:09:50,834
on the corner of
Fire and Brimstone,
193
00:09:50,917 --> 00:09:55,208
it's The Hades
Show, starring Hades!
194
00:09:55,291 --> 00:09:59,208
And now here's... Hades!
195
00:09:59,291 --> 00:10:00,559
All right, and
welcome to the show.
196
00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:01,935
Let me just say how
great it is to be here.
197
00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:03,685
I haven't had this much
fun since I helped my friend
198
00:10:03,709 --> 00:10:06,417
the Cyclops shop for bifocals.
Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom.
199
00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:17,208
Sorry about that, but Hades
tossed me off The Merv Griffin Show,
200
00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:21,208
and I hope you understand. I just...
Now if only I can find some way.
201
00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:22,709
To defeat Hades.
202
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:28,792
So, where do I begin to tell
the story of the magic that is me?
203
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:29,875
Oh, I don't know.
204
00:10:29,917 --> 00:10:31,601
Let's just show the
clips and dive right in.
205
00:10:31,625 --> 00:10:33,500
It's all going to
be just fabulous.
206
00:10:35,959 --> 00:10:38,250
Why are you stuck in
this backwater water?
207
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:41,166
You are obviously
almighty material.
208
00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:42,834
But I'm mighty.
209
00:10:42,917 --> 00:10:45,875
There. A tidal wave just
blew out Lemnos Beach.
210
00:10:45,959 --> 00:10:48,166
Splash!
211
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:52,166
Nice. But I'm talking
almighty like Zeus.
212
00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:54,750
He's got Heavens and the Earth.
213
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:57,667
You, you've got
water and a big fork.
214
00:10:57,750 --> 00:11:02,542
If the River Styx were to alter its course
to, say, you know, include Greece...
215
00:11:02,625 --> 00:11:03,667
Now, it's crazy talk.
216
00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:07,333
Unless some aqua
deity with the power
217
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,500
to move rivers were to intervene
218
00:11:10,583 --> 00:11:13,625
to make Greece part
of the underworld,
219
00:11:13,709 --> 00:11:18,208
then, of course, it would
be my call who gets Athens.
220
00:11:19,208 --> 00:11:22,500
Wait a minute! I could do that!
221
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,542
I can't give you Athens.
222
00:11:25,375 --> 00:11:27,959
The jewel of Greek
city-states. Never.
223
00:11:28,041 --> 00:11:31,417
Did I pull a fast one on
fish boy and the owl lover?
224
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:35,166
And what happened?
Ba-da-bing! I was the lord of Athens.
225
00:11:37,917 --> 00:11:40,959
♪ Oh, flame-top is honing ♪
226
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:44,500
♪ A plan for rezoning ♪
227
00:11:44,875 --> 00:11:48,500
♪ And takin' his show ♪
228
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,583
♪ On the road ♪
229
00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:55,125
♪ Just look at him gloating ♪
230
00:11:55,208 --> 00:11:59,041
♪ While busily boating ♪
231
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:02,333
♪ That ego must be ♪
232
00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:05,000
♪ Quite a load ♪
233
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:08,083
Come on, ladies,
sing along with Hades.
234
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:14,041
♪ Let me show you
girls around in my town ♪
235
00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:15,291
♪ New Hades ♪
236
00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:19,542
♪ It sure beats living
underground in my town ♪
237
00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:22,959
♪ I got a penthouse
out on Spark Avenue ♪
238
00:12:23,792 --> 00:12:25,291
♪ I'd like you to see ♪
239
00:12:26,041 --> 00:12:28,375
♪ Museums and
parks, works of art ♪
240
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:30,625
♪ Are all, hey,
dedicated to me ♪
241
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,542
♪ We'll shop at
Doom-and-Gloomingdale's ♪
242
00:12:34,625 --> 00:12:35,959
♪ In my town ♪
243
00:12:36,917 --> 00:12:39,750
♪ We'll dine tonight
in toga and tails ♪
244
00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:41,667
♪ In, yeah, my town ♪
245
00:12:42,542 --> 00:12:45,166
♪ I'm the host
who loves to toast ♪
246
00:12:45,709 --> 00:12:47,125
♪ Know the job well done ♪
247
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,333
- ♪ In my town ♪
- ♪ In his town ♪
248
00:12:50,417 --> 00:12:52,750
- I'm number one.
- Not in my book, you ain't.
249
00:12:52,834 --> 00:12:54,041
♪ Hey ♪
250
00:12:54,125 --> 00:12:55,792
♪ I'm honored, I'm mayor, ♪
251
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:58,125
♪ I'm chief of police in ♪
252
00:12:58,208 --> 00:12:59,208
♪ Ho ho ho ♪
253
00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:00,792
- ♪ His town ♪
- Yeah.
254
00:13:01,917 --> 00:13:05,083
♪ The hottest spot
in all of Greece ♪
255
00:13:05,166 --> 00:13:06,667
♪ Says who ♪
256
00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:09,041
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
257
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:12,125
♪ The Parthenon,
the crowning jewel ♪
258
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,542
♪ Could use my flare
for urban renewal ♪
259
00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:16,667
What?
260
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,017
I'm just kidding. I
wouldn't change a thing.
261
00:13:18,041 --> 00:13:19,458
I'm serious... not!
262
00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:21,917
♪ His town ♪
263
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,458
Yeah! In my town!
264
00:13:24,458 --> 00:13:26,250
Hey, you gotta
love it, don't ya?
265
00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:28,667
Keys are with the valet, thank
you very much. Good night.
266
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:32,041
♪ His town ♪
267
00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:36,625
But not for long, because
Athena rules today.
268
00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:41,458
Ooh, you know, I got
a soft spot for Athens,
269
00:13:41,542 --> 00:13:47,500
but my life, my love and my lady,
is the underworld. Ha-cha-cha!
270
00:13:47,583 --> 00:13:51,500
But, boss, I thought you wanted to dump
the underworld and take over Olympus.
271
00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:53,917
Just shut up and show
your clips, all right?
272
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,083
We got a clip reel.
We got a clip reel.
273
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,542
Now, sit back and watch some
mighty morphin' minions at work!
274
00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:12,542
We're looking pretty
good here, partner.
275
00:14:12,625 --> 00:14:14,792
Nobody morphs better.
276
00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:18,291
What is that?
277
00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:22,125
Ooh, a lion.
278
00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:24,166
I got to say, that's
very impressive.
279
00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:26,542
Thank you, Merv. We try.
280
00:14:31,083 --> 00:14:32,750
Ooh, what was that?
281
00:14:32,834 --> 00:14:36,917
What? You don't remember the
time I turned into a banana slug?
282
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,709
All right, all right, OK. Enough
with the stupid minion tricks.
283
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,709
Gosh, you know, it's not easy.
284
00:14:42,792 --> 00:14:45,500
Being the most beautiful
god in the universe.
285
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:48,667
Make way for a
real special guest.
286
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:51,166
Helen and I demand
to have the spotlight.
287
00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:54,208
- Well, when it's our turn.
- Excuse me. You guys got a minute?
288
00:14:54,291 --> 00:14:57,125
Allow me to introduce myself.
289
00:14:57,208 --> 00:14:58,959
Hades, lord of the dead.
290
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:06,083
Adonis, prince of threads.
291
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,458
You know, I've
been watching you.
292
00:15:08,542 --> 00:15:11,417
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got potential.
293
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:12,375
Really.
294
00:15:12,458 --> 00:15:16,875
Oh, please. Adonis, he is the
very embodiment of evil. Ugh.
295
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:18,041
That's icky.
296
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,500
Oh, icky is it, Helen, babe?
297
00:15:19,583 --> 00:15:21,601
Can I just say you need to be
a little more open-minded, huh?
298
00:15:21,625 --> 00:15:24,083
You got to beyond the flames,
the fangs, the stench of death.
299
00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:28,500
And, hey, I'm a regular guy
who happens to hate Hercules.
300
00:15:28,583 --> 00:15:30,250
Well, what's not to hate?
301
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:34,125
Exactly. You care to
humiliate him Publicly together?
302
00:15:34,208 --> 00:15:35,208
Love to. Ba-da-bing.
303
00:15:36,083 --> 00:15:37,935
But first we need to hear
some important messages.
304
00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:39,500
We'll be right back.
305
00:15:39,583 --> 00:15:41,500
This is my show. I get to say...
306
00:15:41,583 --> 00:15:42,959
We'll be right back!
307
00:15:43,792 --> 00:15:46,125
No. I'll be right back.
308
00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:54,208
Hey, and we're back with Adonis.
309
00:15:54,291 --> 00:15:56,125
And Helen of Troy,
and we were just talking
310
00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:58,375
about what a big
old loser Hercules is.
311
00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,667
Just look at the dope.
312
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,375
This is a role model?
313
00:16:01,458 --> 00:16:03,083
I believe we have
another volunteer.
314
00:16:03,166 --> 00:16:04,542
Over here.
315
00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:09,166
Oh, and look at this
gym. I rest my case.
316
00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:14,542
Your geography
projects are all lovely.
317
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:16,875
Miss Cassiopeia, if
I may demonstrate?
318
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:18,834
It's a working model.
319
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,625
Nice, nice. You're great.
320
00:16:24,959 --> 00:16:26,434
Why haven't we
gotten together before?
321
00:16:26,458 --> 00:16:29,000
You have got what it takes to
succeed in the evil business.
322
00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:30,667
Thank you. You're sweet.
323
00:16:31,709 --> 00:16:35,458
Inspirational,
Adonis. Alpha-plus.
324
00:16:35,542 --> 00:16:37,834
What's not to lava?
325
00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:39,583
Lava.
326
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:40,959
Mr. Hercules.
327
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:43,917
Oh. This is rather
unconventional.
328
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,250
It's a map of the world.
329
00:16:45,333 --> 00:16:48,625
Oh, dear. Well, I'll
give you an incomplete.
330
00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:52,250
Perhaps you could
aspire to something more...
331
00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:53,625
You just wait a minute.
332
00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:58,750
I like Hercules. Frankly, he's
everything you two are not.
333
00:17:00,458 --> 00:17:02,458
Snookums, how can you say that?
334
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:07,208
Well, you've done a lot of not
nice things in your time, Adonis,
335
00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:10,333
But joining the lord of the
dead really takes the cake.
336
00:17:10,417 --> 00:17:12,917
Whoa, whoa. Am I that bad a guy?
337
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,625
You don't know Hercules at all.
338
00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:21,250
He's brave and sincere and,
well, I just have to sing about it.
339
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:29,959
♪ You haven't always been
the model of good taste ♪
340
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:34,291
♪ No, you've never
been the poster child ♪
341
00:17:34,417 --> 00:17:37,166
♪ Of grace ♪
342
00:17:37,250 --> 00:17:39,583
♪ But it's natural ♪
343
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,750
♪ To stumble and fall ♪
344
00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:48,709
♪ When you're
striving to stand tall ♪
345
00:17:49,625 --> 00:17:54,583
♪ No one said you had
the greatest fashion sense ♪
346
00:17:55,083 --> 00:18:01,000
♪ Maybe once or twice
you've acted kind of dense ♪
347
00:18:01,959 --> 00:18:04,458
♪ But you found your way ♪
348
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,417
♪ Out of the dark ♪
349
00:18:07,875 --> 00:18:13,709
♪ And straight into my heart ♪
350
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:17,959
♪ And I want you to know ♪
351
00:18:18,041 --> 00:18:20,875
♪ You're the light of my life ♪
352
00:18:20,959 --> 00:18:26,166
♪ You're my bright sunny day
and my starry, starry night ♪
353
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:30,583
♪ Because you're
honest, brave, and true ♪
354
00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:36,583
♪ You're my hero ♪
355
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:43,041
♪ Sometimes you've struggled
to impress the girls you liked ♪
356
00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:49,667
♪ It's never easy living
up to high school hype ♪
357
00:18:50,917 --> 00:18:56,375
♪ But a demigod
has a human side ♪
358
00:18:56,458 --> 00:19:02,458
♪ And a heart too big to hide ♪
359
00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:07,041
♪ And I want you to know ♪
360
00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:09,834
♪ You're the light of my life ♪
361
00:19:09,917 --> 00:19:14,917
♪ You're my bright sunny day
and my starry, starry night ♪
362
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:19,667
♪ Because you're
honest, brave, and true ♪
363
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:27,750
♪ You're my hero ♪
364
00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:34,709
Yada, yada, yada.
Herky-jerky is a hero.
365
00:19:34,792 --> 00:19:36,333
Bore me. Sit down.
366
00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:40,166
You can make fun of me, But
don't you be mean to Hercules.
367
00:19:40,458 --> 00:19:44,125
He can always be counted on to
come through when it matters most.
368
00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:45,625
And that is correct, Helen.
369
00:19:45,709 --> 00:19:48,542
Great. Spoilsport is back.
370
00:19:49,125 --> 00:19:51,500
Hades, I demand
you release Mr. Griffin
371
00:19:51,583 --> 00:19:54,500
and relinquish your evil
stranglehold on this quality show.
372
00:19:54,583 --> 00:19:58,000
You want your spotlight back?
Come on. Come over here and take it.
373
00:19:58,083 --> 00:20:01,000
That's just what I intend to do.
374
00:20:01,083 --> 00:20:05,000
Oh, now, wait a minute. Wait a
minute. We are not barbarians here.
375
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:07,500
A talk show is no
place for fighting...
376
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:10,375
Unless it's my show
we're fighting for!
377
00:20:15,375 --> 00:20:17,083
I think your show
biz days are over.
378
00:20:20,291 --> 00:20:23,000
Hey! Nobody shuts me
up and gets away with it!
379
00:20:27,041 --> 00:20:29,750
Well, Hades, it's
just you and me.
380
00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:32,250
I must warn you, I have a
powerful weapon in my corner.
381
00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:36,375
Oh, really, you do? What would that
be? Your uncle's stupid wingdings?
382
00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:40,333
No, just, uh, something
from my father.
383
00:20:40,417 --> 00:20:42,017
I'm sorry, wait a
minute. Did you say...
384
00:20:42,083 --> 00:20:43,583
Father?
385
00:20:43,667 --> 00:20:45,792
Hello, Hades.
386
00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:50,917
You know, I think my son's old enough
to try his hand at the family business.
387
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,875
Smiting the wicked.
388
00:20:54,709 --> 00:20:56,291
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
389
00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:57,750
Whoa, Herc.
390
00:20:57,834 --> 00:21:00,041
You know, I was just
kidding around here, huh?
391
00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:02,375
I mean, you don't
want to toss that thing.
392
00:21:02,458 --> 00:21:04,458
You know you
might hurt somebody.
393
00:21:04,542 --> 00:21:05,792
Like, like me.
394
00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:08,792
One, two... Three! OK!
395
00:21:18,542 --> 00:21:20,291
Ladies and gentlemen,
can you beli...
396
00:21:20,375 --> 00:21:25,458
Hercules and his father,
the king of the gods, Zeus.
397
00:21:28,542 --> 00:21:31,458
Wow, what a show, And it just
keeps getting better and better.
398
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:34,125
Zeus, sir, would
you mind joining us?
399
00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:36,542
Ha! I'd be glad to.
400
00:21:36,625 --> 00:21:39,125
I always had a little
itch to get into show biz.
401
00:21:39,208 --> 00:21:42,583
Well, there's so much I'd like to
ask you, but let's start with this.
402
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:46,542
You are the all-knowing
master of the universe.
403
00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:49,458
Just what is the
meaning of life?
404
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,375
Oh, it's quite
simple, really, Merv.
405
00:21:52,458 --> 00:21:56,000
You see, the
meaning of life is...
406
00:21:56,083 --> 00:21:59,667
Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. That
music means we are all out of time.
407
00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:04,125
My thanks to Hercules,
Icarus, Helen of Troy, and Zeus!
408
00:22:04,208 --> 00:22:07,291
We'll see y'all tomorrow.
Good night, everybody!
409
00:22:07,375 --> 00:22:08,959
Guests of The Merv Griffin Show
410
00:22:09,041 --> 00:22:13,041
stay at the luxurious Procrustean
Inn in the heart of midtown Athens.
411
00:22:13,125 --> 00:22:14,917
Spend a night, not
an arm and a leg,
412
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,917
at the Procrustean Inn.
31419
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