Original subtitles

♪ Who put the glad in gladiator ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold ♪

♪ No one braver ♪ ♪ Is he sweet ♪

♪ Our favorite flavor ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ What a guy ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Ask his friends ♪

♪ Honey they won't lie ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ The boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Smart and shy ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one zero zero ♪

♪ He'll never quit till he's a hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ Zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see.

Ancient Greece... land of heroes,

hotbed of mythology,

and a great place to lease or buy an amphora.

Honey, what are you doin'?

Why, narrating, of course.

I am, after all, the narrator.

Not today, baby. Didn't you get the memo?

"Guest Narrator sittin' in."

Oh, well, that's just great.

I give this show the best years of my life,

and this is the thanks I get,

shoved aside by some hack?

It's Hercules.

Don't you think I know what show this is?

Of all the outrageous...

The narrator is Hercules.

This is my boo. He's got a special story to tell.

Well, shut my mouth.

And... and... and when Ajax slipped on the olive oil, ha!

It was hilarious!

Icarus laughed so hard, grape juice came out of his nose.

Ha ha! You should've been there, Cassandra. Ha!

Imagine my disappointment.

Whoa! Ha ha!

It's hard to believe that just yesterday

I was your typical carefree teenage demigod hero-in-training.

All that changed when she walked into my life.

But this story begins before her.

It starts with him.

Shocked, shocked, I tell you.

Steal my amphora.

Ugh. Unbelievable. Well?

Well... it's a lovely day.

If it, uh, doesn't rain.

Heh heh heh heh. Come on.

- He got away. - That's it, huh? Good.

That's all you have to say about the crime wave

that's sweeping the underworld, that's fine.

So a guy sneaked in and stole some lethe water.

It's not such a big deal, Boss.

Very true, sir.

The Pool of Forgetfulness is deep and bountiful and...

Aah!

What were we just talkin' about?

Ugh. Ok, look. Ugh.

Page one... I am a God with a reputation.

If I let one little thief get away, hey, my rep's shot,

word gets out... "Hades, he's losin' it.

Forget about him"...

Dead souls flee back to the land of the living,

Minions get uppity, total chaos!

So here's what you're gonna do.

Find the lethe water.

You want to take notes on this?

Bring it back, and 3: Make someone pay!

Or I'm gonna make an example of you two insects.

¿Comprendeis, bandidos?

Uh, excuse me. Who are you?

Heh heh. We'll get right on it, chief.

Oh, yeah. It's all coming back to me now.

Aah!

So, that happened,

and then she walked into my life.

Wait. Oh, you know what? I almost forgot.

Th-there's one other thing that's important to this story, too.

2 things, actually...

Fear and Terror, the sons of Aries.

Yeah!

Whoo!

They're not exactly the sharpest spears in the bunch.

Check it out!

2 tickets, Spartan Amphitheater, Friday night!

The never look back tour.

We're goin' to see Orpheus!

Ok, please remain attentive throughout the following.

These incredibly hard-to-score tickets will remain there,

safe and untouched until the magical moment

we leave for the show.

I gotta hold 'em!

Come here! Hey, come on!

- Hey, they're mi... - Hey!

Fear! Terror!

Dad.

There's a word called privacy.

Do you get the definition of it?

Uh... could you use it in a sentence?

Privacy? Ha!

As long as you're living in my temple,

you'll do what I say when I say it.

I think Dad's bringing his work home with him again.

I go out to kick off a couple of wars,

and I come home to this.

Frutacles! Hydesco!

Lookin' large!

When I left, these dogs of war

were lean, mean mauling machines,

and now look at them.

You fed them table scraps, didn't you?

Yeah, and couch scraps and chair scraps and curtain scraps

and, um... scrapple scraps. Anyway, scraps.

And cow.

I've levelled entire city-states for less than this.

What am I going to do with you two?

I've got it. You're grounded!

I'm afraid not, Dad.

We're going to the Orpheus concert Friday night.

Not anymore. Ha ha ha ha!

Bummer.

I don't care what Dad says.

I'm goin'.

You think Dad's going to just forget that he grounded us?

I wish he'd just forget the whole thing.

Aha.

Ok, Ok. Back to the real story.

I went out for a snack,

but what I got was a crash course in love

in the temple of hard knocks...

courtesy of her.

Huh?

I, uh, hear you're a hero.

Want to prove it?

Oh, well, I... I... I... yeah. Sure. Uh...

I-I-I-in training, but of course, yeah.

Are you always this articulate?

Oh, heh heh heh. Not... not... not...

Not sometimes.

I'll interpret for him.

Hi, I'm Hercules. Nice to meet you.

Heh. Heh heh. Uh-huh.

Likewise, I'm sure.

- My name's... - Megera!

So, you came all the way to Athens just to see me.

How charming.

Of course, who could blame you?

There's so much to see.

Get over yourself, Prince. I'm here for the hero.

Jerkules? How droll.

Accept the truth. You're under my spell.

But, uh... Ta-ta, Megera.

Ugh.

You seem to know Adonis pretty well.

Ugh. I went on one blind date with the jerk.

Frankly, I'd like to forget the whole thing.

Great! I mean... I mean, uh,

it's great that you're tryin' to get past it.

So, uh, how can I help you?

My grandma's prize amphora was stolen.

It's been in the family for generations.

It was all she had, and now it's gone.

It would be my privilege to help you, miss.

Please, it's Meg.

Meg.

I can't pay you much.

Actually, I can't pay you anything.

I would never accept payment for an act of heroism.

To do so would violate hero rule number 26...

A hero never accepts payment for an act of heroism.

Is wonder boy for real?

So real, he's surreal.

Let's get started.

Uh, where should we start?

I'll, uh, tell you on the way.

I should've told her no.

I should've gone straight home to bed,

but that's not how it works when you're a hero...

in training.

See, Meg told me

we were looking for her grandmother's amphora,

but that wasn't exactly true.

In fact, it was a big, fat lie.

It was Hades' amphora filled with lethe water,

and Meg paid a centaur to get it.

She was just using me to make sure he didn't try anything funny.

Of course, I didn't know that at the time.

It turns out there were a lot of things

I didn't know then...

not that I'm some kind of know-it-all now, mind you,

but at least I know, uh... uh...

what was I saying?

Now, there's a guy inside

who could have some information on my amphora.

And you want me to ask him some questions.

No. I don't want you to say a thing if you don't have to.

You're the muscle in this operation.

Hey, what?

Shh. Come on.

Evenin', ladies.

Lookin' lovely as always, sweetheart.

Ha ha ha ha!

Enjoy, girls.

Try the gumbo. It's marvellous.

Whoa, whoa.

Hold it, Juniors. Nice try.

Why don't you come back when you're all grown up?

But we have to get inside.

It's a matter of great urgency.

Here's a drachma, baby.

Go call someone who cares. All right?

Let me guess.

Beneath those muscles, you're a big softie, right?

A girl can tell.

I got feelings.

Well, tonight is our anniversary.

One month ago, we met in here,

and it was love at first sight.

We mean everything to each other,

right, honey lamb?

Wha?

Oh, oh, uh, yeah, yeah. Ahem.

Yes, we... we... we do.

So, how about it?

You kids make a nice couple,

but you're not goin' in, sweetheart.

Now beat it. Scram. Skaboo.

- Listen, you. - Ok. Here we go.

We'll just, uh, step right...

Right this... right this... Back here.

Ugh!

That was, uh, some story.

Imagine us as a couple.

I mean, not that I can imagine, of course.

I mean, you seem like a very nice, uh, person.

Focus, wonder boy. The idea is for us to get inside.

Oh, I know this place. We'll get in.

When?

Wait for it.

Get back here, Pony Boy.

After you.

So, I met his fist with my hoof, right?

It was fist, hoof, fist, hoof,

like this. Bam! Kick!

It's a pretty tough crowd in here,

so you better let me handle it, Meg.

Meg? Meg!

Oh!

- You're spookin' me. Beat it. - Huh?

Hey, Horse Lips.

Where is it?

Oh, well. If it isn't the little girl.

How'd you find me?

Easy. I just followed the smell.

- Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha!

Look, we had a deal. Where's the amphora?

Excuse me. How much for that amphora?

All you've got.

Deal.

Let's just say I got a better offer.

So then where's my money?

Let's just say it's tied up right now.

I have a very diversified portfolio.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You want to make somethin' of it?

Let's just say I'll make something of it for her.

I must warn you, though, I'm a hero-in-training.

Easy, wonder boy.

Hey, I don't want to fight... fair.

One chump, corner pocket.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

My jaw hurt, and I wasn't seein' too clearly.

Little did I know that before the night was through,

I'd get hurt worse... a lot worse.

They say that only fools rush in

where heroes fear to tread,

but what happens when you're a hero and a fool?

I was about to find out.

I told you to let me handle it.

It's time to try things my way.

We've talked to almost every lowlife

in the tri-city-state area...

and no word on Hades' amphora.

- Aah! - Aah!

Where is that amphora?

- Jerkules here? - And he's asking about the amphora.

Let's get a closer look.

Easy, pal. I don't have it.

I sent a Grecian parcel service to the highest bidder.

Can I help you?

No, no, no, not at all.

Where'd you send it?

To the Temple of Aries... in Sparta.

I don't think you want to go there.

Don't think. It doesn't suit you.

Come on, wonder boy.

Let's go. They're getting away.

Relax.

We know where they're goin'. Try a chicken wing. They're free.

Free, you say. Mmm. Spicy.

The Temple of Aries,

about the last place on Earth you'd pick for a first date.

Not that I view a heroic mission as a date, of course,

but there was somethin' about Meg.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

- What? - Nothing.

Well, uh, I was just wondering

why would you pay that centaur

to give back something he stole from your grandmother?

Oh, it's, uh, ahem, simple, really.

I, uh... he, uh... Look!

Yeah, please sign here, Mr. Terror,

and here and initial here, and we're good.

Fear and Terror!

- Who? - Aries' sons.

They're not too bright.

Wait here.

How's that?

Straighten it a little.

- What about now? - Perfect-a-doodle-doo.

Now we call Dad.

- Yeah. - He comes runnin'.

Yeah.

And when he opens the door...

Ha ha ha ha ha!

What?

Uh, the lethe water falls on him,

and he forgets we're grounded, right?

Oh, right. Right. Ha! Good one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ok. Ready?

- Oh, say, Dad! - Oh, uh, Dad.

- Hey, Dad. - Dad.

Hey, check this out over here!

Would you like to come over here for a while?

- Shh. Shh. - Hee hee.

I thought I said wait back there.

Yeah. You said wait. I said no.

Shh. All right. That's their room.

Open the door already, Dad.

Wider. Come on. Really push it.

Huh. That's not Dad.

Uh-oh.

It didn't spill.

There's something inside?

Uh, yeah. It's lethe water.

Duh, duh. Our lethe water.

Hold it right there.

Lethe water from the underworld that makes you forget?

Yeah.

When were you gonna tell me?

Do you think we could discuss this later somewhere else?

Um, excuse me. Can we move now?

Yeah, 'cause we really need to beat you up

and get that amphora back.

Let us out!

Unh! Uhh!

Meg, help me get this.

I'm sorry, wonder boy. Truly I am.

I didn't get it at first.

Then it hit me like a ton of marble.

She wasn't coming back.

She got what she wanted and ran.

This did not bode well for a second date.

Meg!

Fear and Terror were about to bust down the door.

To have any chance of catching Meg, I had to act and act fast.

Come on.

Let us out. Come on.

Meg isn't so easy to catch.

Oh! Hey. Let me go.

Ugh. Who are you?

- Hades sent us. - To get back...

- Unh! - This.

All right. Fine. You got what you wanted.

- Let me go. - Sorry.

Someone has to pay for this crime.

And you're takin' the rap, sister.

That's not fair.

Hey, nobody ever said the afterlife was fair.

Unh. Hey!

Meg. She used me to get what she wanted,

and then she dumped me like yesterday's garbage.

Sure, I went after her, but it was no use.

She was gone like the Mediterranean breeze.

I don't want to remember Meg,

but I know I'll never forget her,

and that's my sad story.

I saw her.

- Excuse me? - The girl with the amphora,

I saw her come out of the temple.

Well, why didn't you say something?

I got wrapped up in your story.

She got dragged away by a couple of imps.

- What kind of imps? - Impish imps. I don't know.

One was green, the other kind of magenta.

About this tall?

- Uh-huh. - Pain and Panic.

Meg's in trouble.

Say, you're not gonna help her, are you? After the way she treated you?

Whew. You two don't exactly come out of the story

looking like geniuses.

- Huh? - Uh, did we miss something?

Forget it. He went that way.

All right.

Come on.

Let me go.

Knock it off.

You're only making this worse for yourself.

You're taking me to the underworld so Hades can punish me for all eternity.

How much worse can it get?

- She's got a point. - Ok. We'll give you that one.

- Now come on. - Hey!

Looking for this?

- Wonder boy? - Go home, hero.

This is none of your business.

I'm making it my business. Let her go.

- Don't be a sap. - She used you.

- Forget her. - I can't. I tried.

Why'd you do it, Meg?

I wanted to forget a guy.

He must be quite a guy for you to need lethe water to forget him.

No, that's the worst part. He's a jerk,

and I only went out with him once,

but I can't get the vain, arrogant prince out of my mind.

Wait a minute. The guy is Adonis?

I don't get it. Maybe if I was more like him,

I'd have better luck with the girls.

Forget it, wonder boy. I liked you from the beginning.

I was... I was just afraid that if you knew the truth about me,

you wouldn't want to help.

Really? From the beginning?

Isn't that sweet?

How about a trade?

You take the amphora, and I get Meg.

Not so fast.

We paid good money for this.

That amphora belongs to Hades.

Exactly, uh, how much did you pay for it?

Hand it over, pal, and nobody gets hurt.

And who's gonna make me, you?

Thanks for coming after me.

You really are a hero.

Aw. It was nothin'.

Come on, drop it!

Come on.

Oh, man. The water's all gone.

Drag. What are we gonna do about the Orpheus concert?

Maybe I can interest you in a refill.

For the right price. Ha ha ha!

What about Hades?

Oh, we'll think of something to tell him, I'm sure.

What of them?

Forget 'em.

Oh, uh, let me help you, miss.

Thanks, but no, thanks. I'm a big girl.

Excuse me, but do you know how we got here?

Haven't a clue.

Um, can I help you get home?

Uh, I can handle it.

Well, see you around... maybe.

You never can tell.

And so Hercules and Megera lived happily ever after.

The end.

Whoa. Hang on. They just forgot they ever met.

What's so happy about that?

Well, it's a long story,

and we're kind of pressed for time.

Oh, come on, Bobby, baby. Give me a little hint.

Oh, all right. Hercules grows up, and Hades...

Ooh, say no more, honey. I'm happy already.

Hello, Hunkules.

That's quite enough. Thank you.

See you next time.

Wait! I want to see more.

Come on back here.