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1
00:00:00,431 --> 00:00:03,634
♪♪
2
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,207
Ben:
Okay, Emma...
3
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:08,079
we were officially late
20 minutes ago,
4
00:00:08,079 --> 00:00:09,680
so if we could
skip today's game
5
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,183
of Socks on, Socks off,
that would be great.
6
00:00:13,784 --> 00:00:16,087
Oh, and remember, we have
yet another exciting
7
00:00:16,087 --> 00:00:17,718
preschool interview
after daycare.
8
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,750
If they ask you
what you consider
9
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:22,753
to be your greatest weakness,
smile and look confident.
10
00:00:22,753 --> 00:00:25,226
It's not an answer,
but it confuses people.
11
00:00:28,259 --> 00:00:30,301
I'm not gonna lie,
kind of looking forward
12
00:00:30,301 --> 00:00:33,104
to you being someone else's
problem for the next five hours.
13
00:00:33,104 --> 00:00:34,565
Momma.
14
00:00:34,565 --> 00:00:36,637
(chuckles)
Thankfully, she's not
our problem anymore.
15
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,938
Momma.
16
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,440
No, sweetheart.
Not your--
17
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,172
-(music plays from TV)
-Hey, that really is your Momma.
18
00:00:45,376 --> 00:00:47,248
Freeze, dirtbag!
19
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,220
Your worst nightmare is here.
20
00:00:52,383 --> 00:00:55,426
She got the "nightmare"
part right.
21
00:00:55,426 --> 00:00:56,587
I'm so late. Okay.
22
00:00:56,587 --> 00:00:57,928
All right, let's go.
23
00:00:57,928 --> 00:00:59,960
Hey, let's do that thing
that we did last week
24
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,293
with the cops and get
an escort again. Yeah.
25
00:01:02,293 --> 00:01:05,196
(theme music playing)
26
00:01:05,196 --> 00:01:08,038
♪ It's amazing
how the unexpected ♪
27
00:01:08,038 --> 00:01:11,272
♪ Can take your life
and change directions ♪
28
00:01:15,306 --> 00:01:16,677
Okay, people!
29
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,609
Get your asses in gear!
30
00:01:18,609 --> 00:01:21,182
Your new manager is here!
31
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:24,755
Bar on B is officially my bitch!
32
00:01:25,856 --> 00:01:27,318
Hey, Mom?
Remember when I said,
33
00:01:27,318 --> 00:01:28,819
"Don't get carried away.
34
00:01:28,819 --> 00:01:30,691
"I just need you to fill in
for Sam while she's out of town
35
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:31,722
for a few days"?
36
00:01:31,722 --> 00:01:32,863
What's your point?
37
00:01:32,863 --> 00:01:35,296
This is carried away.
38
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,097
Ugh, well I don't even know
39
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,069
why you hired her
in the first place.
40
00:01:39,069 --> 00:01:42,032
If you're gonna hire just
any old, unqualified floozy,
41
00:01:42,032 --> 00:01:43,774
you should have hired me.
42
00:01:43,774 --> 00:01:45,136
Sam's doing just fine.
43
00:01:45,136 --> 00:01:46,777
Oh. Oh, really?
44
00:01:46,777 --> 00:01:49,610
Because this place looks
pretty dead to me.
45
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,041
We're not open yet.
46
00:01:51,041 --> 00:01:53,914
Look, honey, I know
that you think business is fine,
47
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,116
but I'm here to tell you,
it could be even better.
48
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,819
Look, let me help you. Please?
49
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,821
You won't recognize this place
when I'm done with it.
50
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,923
Oh, my God. Mom, no.
51
00:02:04,855 --> 00:02:06,597
Nice try.
52
00:02:06,597 --> 00:02:08,159
You put that away right now.
53
00:02:08,159 --> 00:02:09,260
You put it away.
54
00:02:09,260 --> 00:02:10,731
I don't want to see that again.
55
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,165
-(beep)
-And blog posted.
56
00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:15,436
Take that, Mary Hart.
57
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,668
You fire the Tucker,
you're gonna get Tuckinated!
58
00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:23,244
How courageous of you
to finally confront Mary Hart
59
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,745
Behind a laptop.
60
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,217
Using a fake name.
61
00:02:27,478 --> 00:02:28,749
I don't know, Tuck.
62
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,381
I think you're playing
with fire.
63
00:02:30,381 --> 00:02:31,382
I mean, really,
64
00:02:31,382 --> 00:02:33,324
Mary Hart might
set you on fire.
65
00:02:34,425 --> 00:02:35,556
Or sue you.
66
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:37,127
Man, she can't sue me.
67
00:02:37,127 --> 00:02:38,389
I didn't even use her real name.
68
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,732
Hey, is that Angela?
69
00:02:41,732 --> 00:02:42,733
Hey, Ben.
70
00:02:44,235 --> 00:02:46,036
-(clattering)
-Angela! Hi.
71
00:02:46,036 --> 00:02:47,998
What are you...
what are you doing here?
72
00:02:47,998 --> 00:02:51,101
Did someone forget
to lock the gates of hell?
73
00:02:51,101 --> 00:02:52,303
Ben, please.
74
00:02:52,303 --> 00:02:54,245
I know I've made some mistakes,
75
00:02:54,245 --> 00:02:56,647
but can I please just see Emma?
76
00:02:56,647 --> 00:02:58,349
-Sure.
-Really?
77
00:02:58,349 --> 00:03:00,311
Yeah.
78
00:03:00,311 --> 00:03:01,552
Here she is.
79
00:03:01,552 --> 00:03:02,713
(sighs)
80
00:03:02,713 --> 00:03:04,315
Walking, talking.
81
00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:06,587
It's amazing how much
they grow when you're
busy abandoning them.
82
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:09,420
Well, can I at least
help with expenses?
83
00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:11,191
I'm making really good
money now.
84
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,993
I have a hit TV show.
85
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,695
I've seen it.
Let's not get carried away.
86
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,499
We don't need your help.
87
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:19,300
I own a bar.
88
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,332
It looks pretty dead
in here to me.
89
00:03:21,332 --> 00:03:22,503
We're not open yet!
90
00:03:30,441 --> 00:03:31,912
Mary Hart's out to get me.
91
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:34,144
-Are you sure?
-Yeah. I'm sure, okay?
92
00:03:34,144 --> 00:03:35,646
Last night,
my bathrobe went missing
93
00:03:35,646 --> 00:03:38,489
and now the mail's been
torn in half.
94
00:03:38,489 --> 00:03:39,650
So?
95
00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:40,821
The mailman hates you
96
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,393
and you never
wash your bathrobe,
97
00:03:42,393 --> 00:03:44,094
so it probably killed itself.
98
00:03:44,094 --> 00:03:46,497
Um, I'm clean when I put it on,
99
00:03:46,497 --> 00:03:47,998
so it don't need to be washed.
100
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,502
Dude, Mary's trying
to send me a message.
101
00:03:51,502 --> 00:03:53,704
-(knocking)
-Oh, my God!
She's gonna kill me!
102
00:03:55,666 --> 00:03:57,268
Dude, calm down.
103
00:03:57,268 --> 00:03:59,169
If Mary really were here
to kill you,
104
00:03:59,169 --> 00:04:00,571
she probably wouldn't knock.
105
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,046
Um...
106
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,147
What is it, man?
107
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,819
Hey, is it a head?
108
00:04:08,819 --> 00:04:09,880
Come on! It's a head, right?
109
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,353
I know it's a head!
It's always a head!
110
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,084
Nope, not a head.
111
00:04:14,084 --> 00:04:15,586
And I don't know
if she's out to kill you,
112
00:04:15,586 --> 00:04:18,359
but she definitely had it in
for your robe.
113
00:04:22,493 --> 00:04:24,535
We had such good times together.
114
00:04:26,797 --> 00:04:29,139
God, I don't know
why I'm so nervous.
115
00:04:29,139 --> 00:04:31,502
It's not like they're deciding
if they like me.
116
00:04:31,502 --> 00:04:34,305
Wait, are they deciding
if they like me?
117
00:04:34,305 --> 00:04:36,577
Relax, all right?
It's just preschool.
118
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:39,680
I mean, it doesn't define
Emma's future or anything.
119
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,452
-Did you go to preschool?
-Oh, my God. Yes.
120
00:04:41,452 --> 00:04:43,354
Best in the state.
I mean, why do you think
I'm a lawyer?
121
00:04:44,655 --> 00:04:46,156
I am so sorry.
122
00:04:46,156 --> 00:04:48,689
Just relax, okay?
123
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,992
-Well, hello there.
-Ben and Riley: Hi.
124
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,564
Hi, I'm Riley,
125
00:04:53,564 --> 00:04:55,496
this little angel's Godmother.
126
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,398
Just another member
of Team Emma.
127
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,370
We have T-shirts.
128
00:04:59,370 --> 00:05:01,532
(chuckles)
So where do we sign
and when do we start?
129
00:05:01,532 --> 00:05:04,405
Well, aren't you both darling?
130
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:07,177
But I'm so, so,
so sorry to tell you,
131
00:05:07,177 --> 00:05:10,411
Emma didn't pass
the entrance exam.
132
00:05:12,543 --> 00:05:14,445
Entrance exam?
133
00:05:14,445 --> 00:05:17,017
She can't even say
"entrance exam."
134
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,849
She's two.
135
00:05:18,849 --> 00:05:21,622
Regardless, she failed.
136
00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:25,055
Emma's exceptionally headstrong
137
00:05:25,055 --> 00:05:27,227
and not a real fan
of authority.
138
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:30,260
She also doesn't like to share,
and while I can't prove it,
139
00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:32,933
I'm quite certain she threw
a ball at the back of my head
140
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,165
when I turned around.
141
00:05:35,165 --> 00:05:37,638
So, it was lovely to meet you,
142
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,339
but I'm late
for another meeting.
143
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,714
-Oh, God. No!
-No! Riley just let me...
144
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,046
Ben:
What am I gonna do?
145
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,449
We're out of preschools
and you know why?
146
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,050
She's exactly like me.
147
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:52,082
I'm not ready to raise a me.
148
00:05:52,082 --> 00:05:53,584
It was hard enough
to grow up a me.
149
00:05:53,584 --> 00:05:54,725
Okay, stop, all right?
150
00:05:54,725 --> 00:05:56,226
We will figure something out.
151
00:05:56,226 --> 00:05:57,828
You're not a total failure.
Look.
152
00:05:57,828 --> 00:06:00,330
You own a lovely business.
153
00:06:00,330 --> 00:06:01,432
Oh!
154
00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:04,294
Bonnie:
Hey, hey!
155
00:06:04,294 --> 00:06:07,498
Now that we know what she's got,
we can turn her down a bit.
156
00:06:07,498 --> 00:06:09,470
What the hell is going on?
157
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:10,701
Well...
158
00:06:10,701 --> 00:06:12,943
I was gonna surprise you!
159
00:06:12,943 --> 00:06:15,946
It's part of our new
Country Western Night!
160
00:06:15,946 --> 00:06:18,078
You like chicken?
We got chicken.
161
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,480
You like beer?
We got beer!
162
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,653
You like corn bread?
We got corn bread!
163
00:06:22,653 --> 00:06:24,715
Man, now I want corn bread.
164
00:06:24,715 --> 00:06:26,587
Cut the bull, okay?
165
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:27,588
Someone's gonna get killed.
166
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:30,721
Ooh, killing someone.
167
00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:31,992
I like that part.
168
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,894
Murder Mystery Night!
169
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,926
I can hang a body
in the bathroom stall.
170
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:39,329
Not a real body.
171
00:06:39,329 --> 00:06:40,701
Unless...
172
00:06:43,534 --> 00:06:44,775
Hey, Hank.
173
00:06:44,775 --> 00:06:46,707
I'm sorry about that.
174
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,139
I thought the knob
went the other way.
175
00:06:49,139 --> 00:06:50,310
Anyway...
176
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,448
Perfect.
177
00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:58,789
No! Come on!
178
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,592
Hey, Tuck.
179
00:07:01,592 --> 00:07:04,525
Probably not the best place
to leave all this.
180
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,256
I'm trying to keep
out the devil!
181
00:07:06,256 --> 00:07:08,759
Don't worry, Mom's pretty busy
at the bar right now.
182
00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:10,461
No. Mary.
183
00:07:10,461 --> 00:07:11,762
She's out for blood.
184
00:07:11,762 --> 00:07:13,403
Type O Tuckative.
185
00:07:13,403 --> 00:07:14,805
(phone rings)
186
00:07:14,805 --> 00:07:16,737
Oh, my God.
187
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,208
-Is that the phone?
-(ringing continues)
188
00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:19,309
The phone never rings!
189
00:07:19,309 --> 00:07:20,811
Yeah, man, well, it does now.
190
00:07:20,811 --> 00:07:21,842
That's her!
191
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,174
And every time I answer it,
a voice says,
192
00:07:24,174 --> 00:07:25,546
"I'm watching you, Tucker."
193
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:26,577
And the scariest part is
194
00:07:26,577 --> 00:07:28,479
this thing wasn't even working!
195
00:07:28,479 --> 00:07:31,181
So-- so she went through
the trouble of signing us up,
196
00:07:31,181 --> 00:07:33,023
and choosing a carrier,
and getting it turned on.
197
00:07:33,023 --> 00:07:34,955
-I mean, who has got
that kind of time?!
-(ringing continues)
198
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,058
Hey, you know what you need?
199
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,760
Someone to protect you.
200
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,391
Someone who won't back down
201
00:07:41,391 --> 00:07:43,393
when trouble rears
its ugly head.
202
00:07:43,393 --> 00:07:44,895
This is my moment, Tucker.
203
00:07:44,895 --> 00:07:45,936
Let me help you.
204
00:07:45,936 --> 00:07:48,739
You know you're not
a real superhero.
205
00:07:48,739 --> 00:07:49,770
I know.
206
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,471
You're gonna go get
your cape, aren't you?
207
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,643
No, man. I'm just...
208
00:07:52,643 --> 00:07:54,044
-Just go get it, man.
-Yes!
209
00:07:56,306 --> 00:07:57,307
(elevator dings)
210
00:07:58,709 --> 00:07:59,880
Angela, hey! Um...
211
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,082
Ben's not home and he hates you,
212
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:03,814
so even if he was home...
213
00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:05,455
Well, you get it.
214
00:08:06,717 --> 00:08:09,720
Riley, I know I'm not the most
popular person around here,
215
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,663
but don't you think
every little girl should
know her mom?
216
00:08:12,663 --> 00:08:13,624
I don't know.
217
00:08:13,624 --> 00:08:16,426
I have two, and one's weird,
and one's awful,
218
00:08:16,426 --> 00:08:19,469
and I turned out
just fine... ish.
219
00:08:19,469 --> 00:08:20,571
Sort of.
220
00:08:20,571 --> 00:08:22,703
I'm not sad at all.
221
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:23,904
Besides, the only thing
222
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,206
Emma needs right now
is a decent preschool.
223
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,408
Oh, my God, I can
totally help with that.
224
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,340
I went to the best one
in the city.
225
00:08:30,340 --> 00:08:33,113
They love me at Belcrest.
226
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:36,116
I'll put in a good word for Ben
if you convince him
227
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,589
to let me spend
one afternoon with Emma.
228
00:08:39,650 --> 00:08:40,951
-I don't know.
-Come on, Riley.
229
00:08:40,951 --> 00:08:42,522
He listens to you.
230
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,195
You're smart,
you're successful.
231
00:08:45,195 --> 00:08:47,758
Obviously, he'll always
be in love with you.
232
00:08:47,758 --> 00:08:49,930
Well, that's all true, but...
233
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,531
(sighs)
Oh, God.
234
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,004
I guess I will help you.
235
00:08:54,004 --> 00:08:55,706
-Oh!
-For Emma, okay?
236
00:08:55,706 --> 00:08:57,067
Oh. Oh, we're friends now.
237
00:08:58,468 --> 00:08:59,469
I'll talk to Ben.
238
00:09:02,773 --> 00:09:03,944
(door closes)
239
00:09:06,717 --> 00:09:07,718
Good news.
240
00:09:07,718 --> 00:09:10,020
Emma and I are all set
for tomorrow.
241
00:09:15,786 --> 00:09:17,427
Ben:
Ugh, for the last time, no!
242
00:09:17,427 --> 00:09:18,759
Angela's not gonna see Emma.
243
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,490
I don't wanna talk
about it anymore, okay?
244
00:09:20,490 --> 00:09:21,491
Okay!
245
00:09:22,693 --> 00:09:25,135
But she is
Emma's biological mother,
246
00:09:25,135 --> 00:09:27,097
and if she wanted to--
Whoa. Sorry.
247
00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:32,342
It wouldn't make you
any less of a father
248
00:09:32,342 --> 00:09:33,774
if you just-- Sorry.
249
00:09:37,107 --> 00:09:40,711
I just wish I got to know
my real mom before-- Okay.
250
00:09:43,053 --> 00:09:45,616
You really think
it's good for Emma?
251
00:09:45,616 --> 00:09:46,687
I do.
252
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,789
I do. People make mistakes.
253
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,021
And-- and plus...
254
00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:53,824
she said she could get
Emma into Belcrest.
255
00:09:53,824 --> 00:09:55,025
Really?
256
00:09:55,025 --> 00:09:56,426
Belcrest?
257
00:09:56,426 --> 00:09:59,599
I hear they leave a chocolate
on each pillow for nap time.
258
00:10:02,032 --> 00:10:03,674
And if it makes
you feel any better,
259
00:10:03,674 --> 00:10:06,677
okay, I will make sure
absolutely nothing goes wrong.
260
00:10:06,677 --> 00:10:11,311
I will be the consummate
professional Emma-Momma-Watcher.
261
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,683
Okay.
262
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:16,116
Wait. Where'd you leave Emma?
263
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,617
I'll be right back.
264
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,390
Emma?
265
00:10:25,255 --> 00:10:26,857
-Hey, Mom.
-Hey, Ben.
266
00:10:26,857 --> 00:10:28,699
Ben! Benji, hey.
267
00:10:28,699 --> 00:10:30,430
Hey, sweetie.
268
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,763
What are you doing here
in the middle of the day?
269
00:10:32,763 --> 00:10:34,504
Shouldn't you be at work?
270
00:10:34,504 --> 00:10:36,466
I am.
271
00:10:36,466 --> 00:10:38,769
Plus, Riley convinced me
to let Angela see Emma
272
00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:40,640
for an hour and I want to be
gone when it happens.
273
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,842
Angela?
274
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:45,275
You left your child with
the woman who left your child?
275
00:10:45,275 --> 00:10:47,718
Wait. Why are there
so many women in here?
276
00:10:47,718 --> 00:10:48,779
(scoffs)
277
00:10:48,779 --> 00:10:51,551
I packed this place
to the gills with women
278
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,283
and you're questioning me?!
279
00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:54,424
All right, that is it.
280
00:10:54,424 --> 00:10:55,726
You are out of here!
281
00:10:55,726 --> 00:10:58,658
Okay, when did we hire
new bartenders?
282
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,490
(ringing)
283
00:11:00,490 --> 00:11:03,063
Ladies, Happy Hour
has just begun.
284
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,165
Let's get ripped!
285
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,837
-(dance music playing)
-(women cheer)
286
00:11:18,949 --> 00:11:20,510
-Hi.
-Mom!
287
00:11:20,510 --> 00:11:21,551
-What?
-No!
288
00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:23,183
Oh, Ben, come on! Please?
289
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,584
Can I keep him?
290
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:27,287
Look, I promise
they won't eat a lot.
291
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,789
I'll walk them twice a day,
292
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,791
and they can sleep
in my bed!
293
00:11:32,662 --> 00:11:33,894
Then the princess says,
294
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,897
"Freeze or I'll drop you
like a knockoff handbag!"
295
00:11:38,328 --> 00:11:39,800
That's something I pitched.
296
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,371
I basically write
all my own lines.
297
00:11:42,532 --> 00:11:43,834
Wow.
298
00:11:43,834 --> 00:11:46,006
What a charming,
uplifting story
299
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,637
for a child of two.
300
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,281
You're just gonna stand there
301
00:11:51,281 --> 00:11:52,783
and watch me play
with Emma the whole time?
302
00:11:52,783 --> 00:11:54,745
Well, I did promise Ben, so...
303
00:11:54,745 --> 00:11:57,187
And I promise you
nothing will go wrong.
304
00:11:57,187 --> 00:11:58,949
(groans)
Okay, fine.
305
00:11:58,949 --> 00:12:01,551
I will be across the hall
in my apartment
306
00:12:01,551 --> 00:12:03,693
where I can be reached
if you need anything.
307
00:12:03,693 --> 00:12:05,125
Okay? Anything at all.
308
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,899
(door opens, closes)
309
00:12:08,899 --> 00:12:10,560
Finally.
310
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,002
Wanna make some new friends?
311
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,765
Yeah, you do.
312
00:12:14,765 --> 00:12:16,536
Okay, you ladies ready
for this?
313
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:19,539
We sure are.
Right, baby girl?
314
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:22,442
So, this is Jess Cagle
of People Magazine here
315
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,415
with Angela Davidson,
the star of TV's Cop Girl.
316
00:12:25,415 --> 00:12:27,417
Uh, TV's newest hit, Cop Girl.
317
00:12:27,417 --> 00:12:28,949
Yeah, I've seen the show.
318
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:29,950
Let's not go crazy.
319
00:12:31,481 --> 00:12:34,855
So Angela, what People readers
really want to know is
320
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,988
what is it like juggling
a successful acting career
321
00:12:37,988 --> 00:12:40,560
and raising this little girl
all on your own?
322
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,162
Oh, well, starring
in a show is great,
323
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:45,695
but being a mom is
the greatest role I've ever had.
324
00:12:48,939 --> 00:12:50,670
(chuckles)
325
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,542
Angela:
I can't believe I'm gonna be
in People Magazine.
326
00:12:52,542 --> 00:12:55,846
Thank you again for sharing
your incredible story.
327
00:12:55,846 --> 00:12:58,408
You are an inspiration
to women everywhere
328
00:12:58,408 --> 00:12:59,950
who are raising a baby
on their own
329
00:12:59,950 --> 00:13:01,581
-and starring in a TV show.
-(elevator dings)
330
00:13:02,853 --> 00:13:04,054
Jess:
It's a small demographic,
I know.
331
00:13:04,054 --> 00:13:06,316
But who says
you can't have it all?
332
00:13:06,316 --> 00:13:09,089
Oh, and I hope you get even
with that deadbeat dad.
333
00:13:11,761 --> 00:13:12,963
"Deadbeat dad"?
334
00:13:13,964 --> 00:13:16,026
Emma, cover your ears, sweetie,
335
00:13:16,026 --> 00:13:17,928
'cause Aunt Riley is
about to kick your mom's ass.
336
00:13:26,176 --> 00:13:28,008
I cannot believe
that you lied to me!
337
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,279
All you wanted Emma for
338
00:13:29,279 --> 00:13:30,841
was some stupid interview?!
339
00:13:30,841 --> 00:13:32,642
I honestly didn't know
what to do.
340
00:13:32,642 --> 00:13:34,414
I told my agent about Emma
341
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,886
and she told
the show's publicist,
342
00:13:35,886 --> 00:13:38,018
and before I could stop it,
343
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,219
-here we are.
-Oh, where?
344
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,992
On the corner of You're a Bitch
and You're a Liar?
345
00:13:41,992 --> 00:13:44,794
Oh, my God.
"Deadbeat dad"? "Single mother"?
346
00:13:44,794 --> 00:13:46,897
I'll try to straighten it out,
I swear.
347
00:13:46,897 --> 00:13:48,899
Okay, the only swearing
348
00:13:48,899 --> 00:13:51,401
will be from Ben when he hears
what you have done.
349
00:13:51,401 --> 00:13:53,233
Do you really think
you should tell him?
350
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,306
I-- I mean, I know how important
this whole preschool thing is.
351
00:13:56,306 --> 00:13:59,039
Plus, this was
kind of your idea.
352
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,941
Oh, whoa.
353
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,412
-Okay.
-(door opens)
354
00:14:02,412 --> 00:14:05,115
So, you're saying that
Ben is gonna blame me for this?
355
00:14:05,115 --> 00:14:07,077
-Blame you for what?
-Nothing.
356
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,221
We-- we were just
talking about Emma.
357
00:14:11,221 --> 00:14:12,322
Everything go okay?
358
00:14:12,322 --> 00:14:13,823
It went great.
359
00:14:13,823 --> 00:14:16,826
I'll call the school
and put in a good word.
360
00:14:16,826 --> 00:14:20,160
Hey, thank you for convincing me
to let Angela see Emma.
361
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,662
At least now,
I don't have to worry about
her getting into a good school.
362
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,194
-Angela owes me that.
-(laughs nervously)
363
00:14:24,194 --> 00:14:26,836
Oh... you're welcome.
364
00:14:26,836 --> 00:14:29,569
Just, you know,
looking out for the family.
365
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:33,173
Hey, unrelated, you don't read
People Magazine , right?
366
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:38,378
Okay, little buddy.
367
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,849
I think we're safe.
368
00:14:39,849 --> 00:14:42,282
Coast is clear. No Mary.
I repeat. No Mary.
369
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,413
Okay.
370
00:14:46,957 --> 00:14:48,788
(gasping)
371
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:50,490
Man, you need
to wash that thing.
372
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:53,123
And it would have
been nice if you took
your skates out first.
373
00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:57,267
(Tucker screams)
374
00:14:57,267 --> 00:14:59,499
What is it?
Is it a spider?
375
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:00,971
'Cause I don't do spiders.
376
00:15:00,971 --> 00:15:02,032
No!
377
00:15:02,032 --> 00:15:03,103
Look, man. It's me!
378
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:05,105
This is where
she's gonna kill me!
379
00:15:08,578 --> 00:15:10,540
See? It fits me perfectly!
380
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:13,183
It's over.
381
00:15:13,183 --> 00:15:15,045
She wins. I am done
writing about her.
382
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:16,346
-Never again.
-What?
383
00:15:16,346 --> 00:15:17,387
No!
384
00:15:17,387 --> 00:15:20,020
You can't let her
kill your dreams!
385
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,391
Wait. What are your dreams?
386
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:25,355
To be the world's greatest
entertainment reporter.
387
00:15:25,355 --> 00:15:26,556
Yeah, that!
388
00:15:26,556 --> 00:15:28,198
You can't let her kill that.
389
00:15:28,198 --> 00:15:29,899
Don't you understand, Tucker?
390
00:15:29,899 --> 00:15:32,332
Dreams are all we have.
391
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:35,365
Dreams are what we're made of.
392
00:15:35,365 --> 00:15:38,208
They course through
every vein in our body.
393
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:41,641
The minute you give up,
evil wins.
394
00:15:44,174 --> 00:15:45,275
You know what?
395
00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:46,977
Dude, you're right.
396
00:15:46,977 --> 00:15:49,049
I'm done letting
her walk all over me.
397
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,220
This time, I'm fighting back.
398
00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:52,952
This time,
I'm using her real name.
399
00:15:55,986 --> 00:15:57,227
(elevator dings)
400
00:15:57,227 --> 00:15:59,189
Oh, my God.
Mrs. Wheeler, I need you.
401
00:15:59,189 --> 00:16:01,291
And I need wine.
Is Ben home?
402
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:03,233
That's what I need
your help with.
403
00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:05,135
Good luck. He is zero fun.
404
00:16:05,135 --> 00:16:06,396
So not my kid.
405
00:16:06,396 --> 00:16:08,138
God, he's going to be so mad.
406
00:16:08,138 --> 00:16:09,569
Well, he won't be mad if I can
407
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:12,172
just show him that
I know what I'm doing.
408
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,374
If I could just show him
how awful she is
409
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:15,745
without getting blamed.
410
00:16:15,745 --> 00:16:18,048
I mean, who knew that
she was such a good actress?
411
00:16:18,048 --> 00:16:19,979
An actress! Yes!
412
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,981
A celebrity would get us
some publicity!
413
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,114
Oh, my God, yes!
Someone to publicly expose her!
414
00:16:24,114 --> 00:16:25,715
That is a great idea!
415
00:16:25,715 --> 00:16:28,188
Ugh, I wish Tucker still
worked for Mary Hart.
416
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,559
Mary Hart!
417
00:16:29,559 --> 00:16:31,791
Mm! If she came to the bar,
418
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,263
that would make
everything perfect!
419
00:16:33,263 --> 00:16:34,894
-You think?
-Of course!
420
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,896
-But she hates me.
-Well, I could get her there.
421
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,968
Oh, my God,
this is gonna be so great.
422
00:16:38,968 --> 00:16:40,270
She is so going down!
423
00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:43,203
I'm not sure what you have
against Mary, but okay!
424
00:16:46,036 --> 00:16:47,637
We'll be ready to roll
in two minutes, Mary.
425
00:16:49,239 --> 00:16:50,680
Great work getting Mary here.
426
00:16:51,881 --> 00:16:54,284
Wait, wait. Is that Angela?
427
00:16:54,284 --> 00:16:57,087
Oh, I'd like to give her
a piece of my mind
428
00:16:57,087 --> 00:16:59,749
and her ass
a piece of my foot.
429
00:16:59,749 --> 00:17:02,292
-I'm gonna go over there.
I'm just gonna give her...
-Oh, my God.
430
00:17:02,292 --> 00:17:05,395
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
If you could please wait
until after the interview?
431
00:17:05,395 --> 00:17:07,397
Right. Good thinking.
432
00:17:07,397 --> 00:17:10,160
-Two celebs having
lunch together.
-(shutter clicks)
433
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,001
I guess I can hate her later.
434
00:17:13,163 --> 00:17:14,534
Mary:
So, Angela...
435
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,507
what is it like juggling
a career with motherhood?
436
00:17:17,507 --> 00:17:19,439
I tried it once
for about a month,
437
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,141
but so not me.
438
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,943
Luckily, my cousin
always wanted a baby, so she--
439
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,976
Oh, I-- I thought
we were just gonna talk
about my show, Cop Girl.
440
00:17:26,976 --> 00:17:28,418
We will.
441
00:17:28,418 --> 00:17:31,020
But I really want to hear
about your life with Emma,
442
00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:33,153
who you are raising
all by yourself.
443
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,984
Yes, exactly.
444
00:17:34,984 --> 00:17:37,187
-Uh, but on the show, I--
-Well, funny thing.
445
00:17:37,187 --> 00:17:39,359
According to these papers,
446
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,132
you relinquished all rights
to your daughter
447
00:17:42,132 --> 00:17:43,733
when she was
only three months old.
448
00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:45,665
Oh. Well, I can explain. Um...
449
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:48,338
I doubt it,
but I'm dying to hear you try.
450
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:51,541
What's all that about?
451
00:17:51,541 --> 00:17:52,802
Ben! Hi! Hi!
452
00:17:52,802 --> 00:17:54,374
Uh, what---
what are you doing here?
453
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,176
Again, I own the bar.
454
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:57,307
What's going on?
455
00:17:57,307 --> 00:17:58,808
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
456
00:17:58,808 --> 00:18:01,381
Please don't be mad at me,
but, um, Angela tricked me
457
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,213
and did an interview
with a magazine
458
00:18:03,213 --> 00:18:04,984
and lied about being
a single mom,
459
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,516
and it's totally all my fault.
460
00:18:06,516 --> 00:18:07,917
But-- but I fixed it
461
00:18:07,917 --> 00:18:10,019
because I convinced Mary
to come down here and expose her
462
00:18:10,019 --> 00:18:11,461
so the whole world
will know the truth.
463
00:18:11,461 --> 00:18:12,922
But-- but she can't trace it
back to me,
464
00:18:12,922 --> 00:18:14,264
so Emma can still
get into that preschool
465
00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:15,925
and everybody wins!
466
00:18:15,925 --> 00:18:17,567
Well, everybody
except for Angela.
467
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:20,630
Oh, my God, Riley!
What have you done?
468
00:18:20,630 --> 00:18:22,332
Really?
469
00:18:22,332 --> 00:18:25,405
Do you want me to say
the whole thing over again?
470
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,707
Please, Mary.
You can't air any of this.
471
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,379
This will ruin my career.
472
00:18:29,379 --> 00:18:31,141
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Everybody calm down.
473
00:18:31,141 --> 00:18:33,683
Mary, I think you've been
given some terrible information.
474
00:18:33,683 --> 00:18:35,245
Why do you look familiar?
475
00:18:35,245 --> 00:18:36,486
Are you somebody?
476
00:18:36,486 --> 00:18:38,188
It's so hard
to tell these days.
477
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,920
I am. I'm Emma's father.
478
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,823
But all you need to know
is that Angela is her wonderful,
479
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,925
supportive mother
who's been there
since the very beginning.
480
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:49,359
Well, that's a non-story.
481
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:51,761
When I find out
who crank called
482
00:18:51,761 --> 00:18:54,764
my Gotcha Tip-line,
there will be hell to pay.
483
00:18:54,764 --> 00:18:58,208
Mary, I just want you to know
484
00:18:58,208 --> 00:19:01,271
that your days of trying
to rule this city are over.
485
00:19:01,271 --> 00:19:03,413
How did you know
I was running for mayor?
486
00:19:03,413 --> 00:19:05,375
Is that Tucker?
487
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:06,546
Mary.
488
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:09,479
I read your little blog post
this morning.
489
00:19:09,479 --> 00:19:11,381
Oh? Well, there's nothing
you can do about it now.
490
00:19:11,381 --> 00:19:12,552
Oh, really?
491
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,624
-Watch me!
-Whoa!
492
00:19:14,624 --> 00:19:15,725
-(gasps)
-Oh!
493
00:19:15,725 --> 00:19:16,956
-(gasps)
-(shutter clicks)
494
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,258
(grunts)
495
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,192
Angela:
Thank you for doing that.
496
00:19:22,192 --> 00:19:23,933
I know I don't deserve it.
497
00:19:23,933 --> 00:19:25,335
I just got so caught up
in the moment,
498
00:19:25,335 --> 00:19:27,697
but I would never to anything
to hurt Emma.
499
00:19:27,697 --> 00:19:30,340
I promise I'll make sure
she gets into that school.
500
00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:33,243
Thanks, but I'd rather
homeschool Emma in a bar
501
00:19:33,243 --> 00:19:35,004
than send her anywhere
that produced you.
502
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,077
We'll be fine on our own.
We always have been.
503
00:19:43,413 --> 00:19:45,285
Why are you letting
her get away with this?
504
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:46,516
You need to expose her, Ben.
505
00:19:46,516 --> 00:19:49,018
Look, Angela may have been
the biggest mistake of my life,
506
00:19:49,018 --> 00:19:50,089
but she also gave me
507
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:53,363
the greatest gift
of my life: Emma.
508
00:19:53,363 --> 00:19:55,325
And if she's gonna find out
just how much her mother sucks,
509
00:19:55,325 --> 00:19:57,597
then I'd rather her
do it on her own terms.
510
00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,370
When she grows up and she can
ask her own questions
511
00:20:00,370 --> 00:20:02,372
and make her own judgments.
512
00:20:02,372 --> 00:20:04,374
She shouldn't
have to read about it.
513
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,837
You're an amazing dad.
514
00:20:07,837 --> 00:20:11,080
And honestly, if she turns out
anything like you,
515
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,613
she'll be the best girl
in the world.
516
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:15,385
She's lucky to be a Wheeler.
517
00:20:17,287 --> 00:20:18,648
Okay, people!
518
00:20:18,648 --> 00:20:20,520
Let's clear these tables!
519
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,922
The pudding pool is here!
520
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,454
Mom!
521
00:20:24,454 --> 00:20:25,595
All right, fellas!
522
00:20:25,595 --> 00:20:27,126
Let's load her in!
523
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:30,600
Gary, if that's butterscotch,
I'm gonna kick your ass!
524
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,001
Mom!
525
00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:33,002
Mom!
526
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:37,837
(laughter)
527
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:41,070
These pictures are gonna
bring in so much business
to the bar.
528
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:44,514
You know, maybe you should
write about Mary for a change
529
00:20:44,514 --> 00:20:46,546
in that dumb blog of yours
and stop spending all your time
530
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:47,617
writing about me.
531
00:20:47,617 --> 00:20:48,878
What are you talking about?
532
00:20:48,878 --> 00:20:53,082
Big Blonde Babbler, wine-aholic,
cheats on her taxes.
533
00:20:53,082 --> 00:20:55,084
Why would you say
that stuff about me?
534
00:20:55,084 --> 00:20:57,457
Uh, Mom, Tucker's blog
is about Mary Hart.
535
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:59,188
It's Aunt Shirley's blog
that's about you.
536
00:21:00,590 --> 00:21:01,891
I knew that.
537
00:21:03,032 --> 00:21:04,564
Hold up.
538
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:07,196
Hold up, so you did
all those things to me?
539
00:21:07,196 --> 00:21:08,898
No...
540
00:21:08,898 --> 00:21:10,340
No.
541
00:21:10,340 --> 00:21:14,404
But I would not wear those pants
for too much longer.
542
00:21:14,404 --> 00:21:17,577
No! What did you--
What did you do?!
543
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:18,448
-Danny, door!
-What did you do?!
544
00:21:18,448 --> 00:21:20,810
Danny, door! Door, Danny!
Danny, Danny, door!
545
00:21:20,810 --> 00:21:21,811
Danny, door!
546
00:21:23,182 --> 00:21:24,514
-Are you serious?!
-She's my mom!
38722
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