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1
00:00:00,431 --> 00:00:03,634
♪♪
2
00:00:04,735 --> 00:00:06,237
Emma:
No!
3
00:00:06,237 --> 00:00:08,509
Emma, come on,
it's time for bed.
4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,111
I'm putting my foot down.
5
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,842
You gotta put your pajamas on.
6
00:00:11,842 --> 00:00:13,214
No!
7
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,546
What if Daddy gives
you a cookie?
8
00:00:15,546 --> 00:00:17,218
Yes!
9
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,520
Congratulations, Emma.
10
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,293
You're already manipulating men
at a third grade level.
11
00:00:23,594 --> 00:00:25,256
You're the parent.
12
00:00:25,256 --> 00:00:27,128
You need to stand up
to your daughter.
13
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,429
Okay, you know what? Fine.
14
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,331
If you're so good at this,
you get her into pajamas.
15
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,002
-All right?
-Okay. Yeah, I will.
16
00:00:32,002 --> 00:00:33,134
All right, Emma.
17
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:37,068
Listen, this behavior
has got to stop.
18
00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:38,809
When I say it's bedtime,
19
00:00:38,809 --> 00:00:40,241
it's bedtime.
20
00:00:43,174 --> 00:00:45,746
And when I say
it's cookie time,
21
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,178
it's cookie time.
22
00:00:47,178 --> 00:00:49,520
Mm, who do you love the most?
23
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,582
-Bon-Bon.
-Bon-Bon. That's right.
24
00:00:51,582 --> 00:00:53,584
And Bon-Bon loves you the most.
25
00:00:55,586 --> 00:00:57,658
(theme music playing)
26
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,731
♪ It's amazing
how the unexpected ♪
27
00:01:00,731 --> 00:01:04,034
♪ Can take your life
and change directions ♪
28
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,872
-She's coming, she's coming!
-(screams)
29
00:01:13,244 --> 00:01:14,645
Danny!
30
00:01:14,645 --> 00:01:16,677
-Who's coming?
-My mom.
31
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:19,049
Ever since Brad left,
she can't be alone.
32
00:01:19,049 --> 00:01:20,151
I don't know if you know this,
33
00:01:20,151 --> 00:01:21,952
but she can be
kind of annoying.
34
00:01:23,114 --> 00:01:25,286
She hasn't let me out
of her sight in over a week,
35
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:27,758
and now she wants to hang out
today and tonight.
36
00:01:27,758 --> 00:01:30,121
No! No! Tonight is
our special night.
37
00:01:30,121 --> 00:01:31,322
Clash of Dragons is on.
38
00:01:31,322 --> 00:01:34,295
I know. That's why
I'm trying to avoid her.
39
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:35,166
(doorknob rattling)
40
00:01:35,166 --> 00:01:37,268
Bonnie:
Hey, why is this door locked?
41
00:01:37,268 --> 00:01:39,200
(door unlocking)
42
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,731
-Oh!
-Hey, guys.
43
00:01:40,731 --> 00:01:41,902
I just wanted to...
44
00:01:47,037 --> 00:01:48,379
Oh. Mom...
45
00:01:48,379 --> 00:01:49,140
do you mind?
46
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:51,182
Kind of in the middle
of something here.
47
00:01:51,182 --> 00:01:52,313
Sorry.
48
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,345
Yeah, I can come back.
49
00:01:54,345 --> 00:01:55,986
Well, actually, if you're
anything like your dad,
50
00:01:55,986 --> 00:01:58,018
I can just wait in the hall
for a couple of minutes.
51
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,252
Will you just tell her?
52
00:02:01,252 --> 00:02:03,854
Yeah, you're right.
53
00:02:03,854 --> 00:02:06,857
Mom, there's something I need
to talk to you about.
54
00:02:06,857 --> 00:02:08,259
But first, I gotta
go to practice,
55
00:02:08,259 --> 00:02:10,161
so I'll see you later, okay?
Bye.
56
00:02:10,161 --> 00:02:11,262
Danny, Danny, Danny!
57
00:02:11,262 --> 00:02:12,833
(groans)
58
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,435
So...
59
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,066
what are you up to today?
60
00:02:16,066 --> 00:02:17,638
I'm just going to work.
61
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,440
I don't suppose
you could bring a friend.
62
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,371
-Not really.
-Oh.
63
00:02:23,314 --> 00:02:24,515
Oh, Tuck! Hey!
64
00:02:24,515 --> 00:02:26,417
Here's that salad
you ordered for Mary.
65
00:02:26,417 --> 00:02:28,219
I know the show's paying for it.
66
00:02:28,219 --> 00:02:29,720
That's why it's a $53 salad.
67
00:02:30,881 --> 00:02:33,324
Finally.
Mary's blood sugar's crashing.
68
00:02:35,326 --> 00:02:37,127
Oh, my God.
Are there cranberries on this?
69
00:02:38,389 --> 00:02:39,890
These look like cranberries!
70
00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:42,293
Calm down.
She can just pick them off
like any normal person.
71
00:02:42,293 --> 00:02:45,336
Mary Hart is not
a normal person.
72
00:02:45,336 --> 00:02:46,397
Okay?
73
00:02:46,397 --> 00:02:47,468
She's a star.
74
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,139
It's a completely
different beast.
75
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,703
Please don't tell anyone
you heard me call her a beast.
76
00:02:52,703 --> 00:02:55,446
Dude, you gotta stand up
to her once in a while.
77
00:02:55,446 --> 00:02:56,477
Don't let her walk all over you.
78
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:58,048
Look, Ben, I don't have time.
79
00:02:58,048 --> 00:02:59,650
Look, I don't have time
for this right now, okay?
80
00:02:59,650 --> 00:03:01,482
What is wrong with you?
Look at yourself.
81
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,153
-You're a mess.
-I'm fine! Okay?!
82
00:03:03,153 --> 00:03:04,485
-Look, I'm fine!
-(shutter clicks)
83
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,657
-I'm fi...
-Does this look fine to you?
84
00:03:06,657 --> 00:03:09,460
Look, man, we're just--
we're all under a lot
of stress, all right?
85
00:03:09,460 --> 00:03:12,493
This week, it's our big
Mary Hart SweetHarts Special,
86
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,495
and everything just
needs to be perfect
87
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,367
because Mary likes perfect.
88
00:03:16,367 --> 00:03:17,398
Mary:
Tucker!
89
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,300
Oh, my God! She's coming!
Save yourself! Go!
90
00:03:20,731 --> 00:03:22,333
It's about time.
91
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:24,204
I didn't realize
you actually had
92
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,877
to go to a farm
and plant the vegetables first.
93
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,482
And could you possibly be
more incompetent?
94
00:03:31,482 --> 00:03:34,415
I said I wanted to
give away Crock-Pots.
95
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,587
You forgot the "Crock"
part of the "Pot".
96
00:03:36,587 --> 00:03:39,420
There's 50 pounds of weed
sitting on my loading dock!
97
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,425
And...
98
00:03:45,356 --> 00:03:47,628
are these cranberries?
99
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:53,734
You know how much
I hate cranberries.
100
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,267
I know, Mary.
I'm so sorry, Mary.
101
00:03:56,267 --> 00:03:58,769
How does this sound
to you, Tucker?
102
00:03:58,769 --> 00:04:02,573
Hello, America.
I'm Mary Hart.
103
00:04:02,573 --> 00:04:05,446
On tonight's show,
the death of a senior producer
104
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,478
who gave me cranberries!
105
00:04:07,478 --> 00:04:08,819
Idiot!
106
00:04:08,819 --> 00:04:11,021
How could you not know
after all these years together
107
00:04:11,021 --> 00:04:13,954
that I hate cranberries?!
I hate them...
108
00:04:16,226 --> 00:04:18,859
Ah, my good Lord Craigmore,
109
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,362
bastard son of Leon Ravenhelm,
110
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,694
to what do I owe this honor?
111
00:04:23,694 --> 00:04:26,937
Ah, Lady Zelda Dragonbreast,
112
00:04:27,938 --> 00:04:30,070
I have come to avenge thee...
113
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,473
and perhaps do some ravaging?
114
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:35,275
Well, the ravaging
will hate to wait
115
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,777
because seriously,
the show's about to start.
116
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,380
I couldn't find mutton,
so chicken wings will
have to do.
117
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,211
(knocking)
118
00:04:41,211 --> 00:04:43,013
Bonnie:
Open up! It's me!
119
00:04:43,013 --> 00:04:44,515
I found mutton!
120
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:48,018
What is she doing here?
How did she know?
121
00:04:48,018 --> 00:04:50,561
Well, she either
figured it out on her own,
122
00:04:50,561 --> 00:04:52,923
or she guilted me
into inviting her.
123
00:04:52,923 --> 00:04:54,565
I'm honestly not sure.
124
00:04:54,565 --> 00:04:55,566
Just...
125
00:04:55,566 --> 00:04:56,797
just tell her to go away.
126
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:57,968
Okay, fine.
127
00:04:57,968 --> 00:04:59,400
I'll tell her that
it's just us tonight.
128
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,372
Yeah.
129
00:05:01,372 --> 00:05:02,803
I mean, sure. Yeah.
130
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:06,577
I was devastated
when Brad left, you know,
131
00:05:06,577 --> 00:05:09,039
but now, I'm just lonely.
132
00:05:09,039 --> 00:05:11,612
You know, and I can't go
get all un-lonely
133
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,043
because I'm married.
134
00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:14,244
Stupid morals.
135
00:05:16,447 --> 00:05:19,390
Mary:
Hello, America.
I'm Mary Hart.
136
00:05:19,390 --> 00:05:22,453
On tonight's show,
the death of a senior producer
137
00:05:22,453 --> 00:05:24,455
who gave me cranberries!
138
00:05:25,556 --> 00:05:27,628
Yeah, thanks for
the instant replay,
139
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:28,929
but I'm still picking
140
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,462
the cranberries out
of my ears, so I'm good.
141
00:05:31,462 --> 00:05:34,334
Dude, I'm trying to show you
how pathetic you look.
142
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,637
You know, I wish I had
physical proof of my mistakes.
143
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:37,608
Ben!
144
00:05:37,608 --> 00:05:39,640
Not now, Emma.
145
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,312
Ben, why is this
such a big deal?
146
00:05:42,312 --> 00:05:46,417
All I see is a completely normal
employee-employer relationship.
147
00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:48,018
Oh? Oh, is that what you see?
148
00:05:48,018 --> 00:05:49,520
Oh, okay. Then maybe
we should take a survey
149
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:50,851
and find out
what other people think.
150
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,282
How about I just post it online
151
00:05:52,282 --> 00:05:53,584
and get some feedback for you?
152
00:05:53,584 --> 00:05:55,125
-Oh, you do that.
-Oh, I will.
153
00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:56,156
-Good.
-Here I go.
154
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,588
-I'm waiting.
-So doing it.
155
00:05:57,588 --> 00:05:58,559
-So not caring.
-All right.
156
00:05:58,559 --> 00:05:59,930
-Three, two, one...
-Give it to me.
157
00:05:59,930 --> 00:06:01,061
Nope. No. Stop.
158
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,062
No, no.
159
00:06:03,634 --> 00:06:06,597
Fine. Yes, Mary is
a horrible person.
160
00:06:06,597 --> 00:06:08,399
She's also a compulsive gambler
161
00:06:08,399 --> 00:06:10,240
and a philanderer,
so what's your point?
162
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:11,472
You're better than this!
163
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,574
You've gotta stand up
for yourself, man.
164
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:14,745
(sighs)
165
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,478
Fine. I'll talk to her.
166
00:06:18,949 --> 00:06:20,380
You're a good friend.
167
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,482
I know.
168
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:22,853
You're really lucky.
169
00:06:24,154 --> 00:06:26,517
How about I buy you a beer
to celebrate, huh?
170
00:06:26,517 --> 00:06:27,958
Come on.
171
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:32,993
On tonight's show,
172
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,565
-the death of a senior producer
-(tablet beeps)
173
00:06:34,565 --> 00:06:36,827
who gave me cranberries!
174
00:06:36,827 --> 00:06:38,429
Idiot! How could you not
175
00:06:38,429 --> 00:06:40,100
remember after all
of these years...
176
00:06:42,172 --> 00:06:43,534
(Ben laughing)
177
00:06:43,534 --> 00:06:45,035
Look! The kitty
doesn't even know
178
00:06:45,035 --> 00:06:46,777
the bunny's in the basket.
179
00:06:46,777 --> 00:06:48,408
Cats are stupid.
180
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,984
I think we lost her!
181
00:06:53,984 --> 00:06:55,586
I knew your mom was fast,
182
00:06:55,586 --> 00:06:58,318
but she actually scissor-kicked
over the subway turnstiles.
183
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,190
You guys are amateurs.
184
00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:01,722
Always run through a bar.
185
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,093
She has to stop.
186
00:07:04,455 --> 00:07:05,526
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
187
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,757
Wait, wait, wait.
This isn't good.
188
00:07:06,757 --> 00:07:07,998
...cranberries? Idiot!
189
00:07:07,998 --> 00:07:10,701
How could you not remember
after all of these years
190
00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:13,464
-of working together
how much I hate cranberries?!
-What?
191
00:07:13,464 --> 00:07:14,535
No!
192
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,737
Oh, my God!
How is this online?!
193
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,038
A million views?!
194
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,670
Oh, my God.
I have to warn Tucker.
195
00:07:19,670 --> 00:07:20,911
Oh, no. Come on.
196
00:07:20,911 --> 00:07:22,272
Come on, sweetie. Let's go.
197
00:07:22,272 --> 00:07:24,815
Aah, pick up. Pick up,
pick up, pick up, pick up.
198
00:07:24,815 --> 00:07:25,816
Oh, God.
199
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,249
-Aah, come on. Voicemail?
-(elevator dings)
200
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,350
(sighs)
201
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,882
Mom! Hey, perfect.
202
00:07:31,882 --> 00:07:33,554
Can you please take
Emma to daycare?
203
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,455
I have an emergency.
Mary's about to kill Tucker.
204
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,927
Oh. Yeah.
Tell me when that's on.
205
00:07:36,927 --> 00:07:37,928
I want to record it.
206
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,761
Riley:
Oh, my God, Danny. Please!
207
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,132
Your mother is driving me crazy!
208
00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:43,734
Danny:
Don't get mad at me!
209
00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:45,796
You're the one who
invited her over last night!
210
00:07:45,796 --> 00:07:49,299
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, that's only because
you couldn't stand up to her.
211
00:07:49,299 --> 00:07:51,271
She spent the night at my place
212
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,843
and then she went
to breakfast with us,
213
00:07:52,843 --> 00:07:54,645
and now she's gonna go
to the movies with us?
214
00:07:54,645 --> 00:07:56,346
Oh, my-- Oh, do not.
215
00:07:56,346 --> 00:07:57,678
Do not think for one second
216
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,209
that she's going to
Mary Hart's SweetHart show
217
00:07:59,209 --> 00:08:00,881
tomorrow because
we only have two tickets
218
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,713
and I already planned
to give the free Crock-Pot
219
00:08:02,713 --> 00:08:03,984
to my mom for Christmas!
220
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,416
Well, what am I supposed to do?
221
00:08:06,416 --> 00:08:08,619
Tell her I'd rather spend
time along with my girlfriend
222
00:08:08,619 --> 00:08:10,621
than with my own mother?!
223
00:08:10,621 --> 00:08:11,622
Yes.
224
00:08:11,622 --> 00:08:14,294
Danny, that's exactly
what you're supposed to do.
225
00:08:15,365 --> 00:08:17,127
I mean, if you don't stand up
to her now,
226
00:08:17,127 --> 00:08:18,669
this is only going to get worse.
227
00:08:18,669 --> 00:08:20,931
I mean, today it's a Crock-Pot,
228
00:08:20,931 --> 00:08:22,533
tomorrow it's our anniversary.
229
00:08:22,533 --> 00:08:24,234
Wait, tomorrow's
our anniversary?
230
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:26,777
I mean...
231
00:08:26,777 --> 00:08:28,609
tomorrow's our anniversary.
232
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,240
Hope you didn't forget.
233
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,747
No, Danny.
234
00:08:36,747 --> 00:08:39,720
I am saying that this is
about our future,
235
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,322
and I'm not saying that
you have to choose between us,
236
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,824
but at some point,
237
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:46,597
you're gonna have to
choose between us.
238
00:08:47,698 --> 00:08:51,832
Oh, I think we both know
how this is gonna end.
239
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:55,035
Someone is about to
get schooled...
240
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,707
and it ain't gonna be me.
241
00:08:56,707 --> 00:08:58,709
High five it.
242
00:08:58,709 --> 00:08:59,740
Fist it.
243
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:00,941
Woogidy woogidy.
244
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,816
Mary:
Tucker!
245
00:09:05,816 --> 00:09:08,719
Care to explain what this is?
246
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:10,681
Oh. You know what?
247
00:09:10,681 --> 00:09:12,853
It's basically just
a really big phone.
248
00:09:14,785 --> 00:09:15,856
You know what I mean?
249
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:18,058
No, this.
250
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,061
There's 50 pounds of weed
on my loading dock.
251
00:09:22,492 --> 00:09:24,695
Oh, no, no, no.
This is not happening.
252
00:09:24,695 --> 00:09:26,036
(inhales deeply)
253
00:09:27,037 --> 00:09:28,568
(breathes deeply)
254
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:32,042
They're saying,
"Mary has no Hart."
255
00:09:32,042 --> 00:09:35,676
I wish that didn't sound so evil
because it's catchy as hell.
256
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,848
No! No, no, no.
257
00:09:37,848 --> 00:09:39,479
No, of course you have a heart!
258
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,812
No, Mary puts the Hart in heart.
259
00:09:41,812 --> 00:09:42,853
♪ Mary ♪
260
00:09:42,853 --> 00:09:44,384
Right?
261
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,857
Obviously someone is jealous
262
00:09:46,857 --> 00:09:49,790
of our close,
professional relationship.
263
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,392
Perhaps I overreacted
with the cranberries.
264
00:09:53,664 --> 00:09:55,565
I'm-- I'm sorry,
are you apologizing?
265
00:09:55,565 --> 00:09:57,127
Oh, my God, no.
266
00:09:58,869 --> 00:10:00,801
But seeing this made me realize
267
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:04,104
just how much I...
appreciate you.
268
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:08,709
So, I want to make you
an executive producer...
269
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,441
as long as you find out
who did this,
270
00:10:11,441 --> 00:10:14,214
publicly humiliate them,
and fire them.
271
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,345
I'm on it.
272
00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:16,486
Thank you, Mary.
273
00:10:16,486 --> 00:10:18,789
Tucker, hey!
Whatever you do, don't...
274
00:10:18,789 --> 00:10:20,891
What's up, Mary?
275
00:10:20,891 --> 00:10:23,593
Well, hello there, stranger.
276
00:10:25,155 --> 00:10:27,698
Wait, why do you look
so familiar?
277
00:10:27,698 --> 00:10:29,860
I work here.
278
00:10:29,860 --> 00:10:31,501
I'm, um...
279
00:10:31,501 --> 00:10:32,863
I'm Jason.
280
00:10:32,863 --> 00:10:35,035
What do you do here, Jason?
281
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,609
I make the melon balls.
282
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,014
Well, make them
smaller next time.
283
00:10:44,014 --> 00:10:46,977
It's bad for my face to chew.
284
00:10:51,481 --> 00:10:52,683
Danny:
Mom?
285
00:10:52,683 --> 00:10:54,554
(door closes)
286
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,887
Oh, hey, Ma.
287
00:10:56,887 --> 00:10:58,388
Mamacita.
288
00:10:58,388 --> 00:11:00,030
Best mom in the world.
289
00:11:00,030 --> 00:11:01,762
I was hoping we could
have a little chat...
290
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:03,694
Are you crying?
291
00:11:04,835 --> 00:11:06,136
It's nothing.
292
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,741
I was just sitting here thinking
about you, and, you know,
293
00:11:10,741 --> 00:11:15,375
how amazing you've been
during this painful, awful time.
294
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:16,977
You're not just my son.
295
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,710
You're my best friend.
296
00:11:22,212 --> 00:11:24,915
And all my friends,
you know, they complain
297
00:11:24,915 --> 00:11:27,487
that their kids never want
to spend any time with them,
298
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,960
but not me. No.
299
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:34,725
I always say, "I have
the best son in the world."
300
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,327
-What about Ben?
-What about Ben?
301
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,003
Listen, honey.
302
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,405
I know that I have been
very intrusive lately,
303
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:49,409
but you have
honestly saved my life.
304
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,742
You know I'd do anything
for you, Mom.
305
00:11:51,742 --> 00:11:53,013
I know.
306
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:56,286
And you know
what would really help me?
307
00:11:56,286 --> 00:11:58,919
Make me feel whole again?
308
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:02,953
I would just really love
to go to that Mary Hart
309
00:12:02,953 --> 00:12:05,395
whatever-she-calls-it
thing with you.
310
00:12:05,395 --> 00:12:07,197
Wait, the SweetHart Special?
311
00:12:07,197 --> 00:12:08,829
But I've only got two tickets
312
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,500
and Riley's got
her heart set on it.
313
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:12,863
I mean, we've got our costumes
picked out and everything.
314
00:12:14,765 --> 00:12:16,867
That is a problem...
315
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,811
but I know you'll do
the right thing.
316
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:24,114
Look at myself.
317
00:12:26,076 --> 00:12:28,348
Dude, I'm gonna get
my own Tucker to scream at!
318
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,921
But don't you still have to find
a fall guy and fire someone?
319
00:12:30,921 --> 00:12:33,283
Oh, please.
Believe me, I've got a list.
320
00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:36,456
Enjoy your last
stolen yogurt, Todd.
321
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,658
Payback for
my applesauce, bitch.
322
00:12:44,034 --> 00:12:45,335
Hey!
323
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,038
What about Jason?
324
00:12:48,038 --> 00:12:49,769
I have the advantage
of actually being guilty
325
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,202
and I don't actually work here,
so no one actually gets hurt.
326
00:12:52,202 --> 00:12:53,403
Yeah!
327
00:12:53,403 --> 00:12:54,474
Yeah, that's genius!
328
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,576
Mary!
329
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,648
After an extensive investigation
330
00:12:58,648 --> 00:13:00,881
I've traced the video
to Jason's phone.
331
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:04,714
Well, Jason, why don't you just
take that pretty face of yours
332
00:13:04,714 --> 00:13:08,118
and your melon baller
and get out? You're fired!
333
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,721
(gasps)
334
00:13:11,721 --> 00:13:13,894
I can't believe we just
got away with that, man!
335
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:14,925
We're geniuses!
336
00:13:14,925 --> 00:13:17,928
I mean, Mary is kind of
a moron, right?
337
00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:20,800
I mean, like,
a big, dumb blond.
338
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,172
That thing's not
actually on, is it?
339
00:13:22,172 --> 00:13:23,333
No. This?
340
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:24,674
I'm not an idiot.
341
00:13:24,674 --> 00:13:26,436
Mary:
Tucker!
342
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:30,710
Yeah, I guess it is on.
343
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:34,184
What flavor do you want
your goodbye cake to be?
344
00:13:34,184 --> 00:13:35,345
(chuckles)
345
00:13:35,345 --> 00:13:37,888
-No!
-No, no, no...
346
00:13:41,191 --> 00:13:43,023
Fired.
347
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,624
Man, I did not see that coming.
348
00:13:46,396 --> 00:13:48,028
You shot the video,
349
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,100
your kid posted it online,
350
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,903
and it was your idea
to fire Jason.
351
00:13:52,903 --> 00:13:54,905
You were in charge of it coming.
352
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,167
Oh, yeah?
353
00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:58,738
Well, I worked in TV
for one hour,
354
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:01,041
and even I know
how the headsets work.
355
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:04,044
I know how
the headsets work, okay?!
356
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,376
And I also know
how friends work.
357
00:14:06,376 --> 00:14:07,477
And if you weren't so busy
358
00:14:07,477 --> 00:14:09,649
trying to teach me
some stupid lesson,
359
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:10,981
none of this
would have happened.
360
00:14:10,981 --> 00:14:12,052
(sighs)
361
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,124
This is my career, Ben.
362
00:14:14,124 --> 00:14:15,956
And you just destroyed it.
363
00:14:17,127 --> 00:14:18,128
(sighs)
364
00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:25,165
Oh, hey.
How am I doing?
365
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,667
Funny you should ask.
Um, not well.
366
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,339
Because despite my talking
367
00:14:29,339 --> 00:14:32,042
about the Mary Hart Special
for the last six months,
368
00:14:32,042 --> 00:14:33,803
I am now not going.
369
00:14:33,803 --> 00:14:35,946
Am I supposed to have any idea
what you're talking about?
370
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:37,978
Shiver me timbers!
371
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,080
Who's ready to
hunt some dragons?
372
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:40,880
Tally ho!
373
00:14:44,654 --> 00:14:47,157
No one on Clash of Dragons
has said that.
374
00:14:47,157 --> 00:14:48,418
Ever.
375
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:50,961
Is Danny ready?
376
00:14:50,961 --> 00:14:52,762
This corset's got
about four hours on it
377
00:14:52,762 --> 00:14:54,194
before m'ladies explode.
378
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,626
(giggles)
Thanks for the ticket, Riley.
379
00:14:58,328 --> 00:15:01,771
Your mom stole my boyfriend.
380
00:15:01,771 --> 00:15:05,675
Uh, kind of the one woman
I didn't think I'd have
to worry about.
381
00:15:05,675 --> 00:15:07,807
Well, Tucker gave me
two tickets. You can have 'em.
382
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,179
Really? Oh, my God!
383
00:15:09,179 --> 00:15:10,780
Well, will you go with me?
384
00:15:10,780 --> 00:15:11,982
Because you can only get in
385
00:15:11,982 --> 00:15:13,783
if you're dressed as
a famous couple from history.
386
00:15:13,783 --> 00:15:14,985
Please, please, please?
387
00:15:14,985 --> 00:15:16,386
Uh, well, won't me going
with you make Danny--
388
00:15:16,386 --> 00:15:18,118
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
389
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,650
And that's what
us girlfriends call a win-win.
390
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,224
No, no, no.
I can't. I can't.
391
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:26,056
Do you have any idea
what Mary would do
if she sees me?
392
00:15:26,056 --> 00:15:28,028
I mean, after she hits
on me of course.
393
00:15:29,359 --> 00:15:30,830
She may not like my melon balls,
394
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,632
but she definitely likes my--
You get the point.
395
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,466
You know what?
396
00:15:36,466 --> 00:15:38,068
That's genius!
397
00:15:38,068 --> 00:15:39,809
Yes, yes! I will go with you!
398
00:15:39,809 --> 00:15:41,371
Okay. Yay!
399
00:15:41,371 --> 00:15:43,443
All right, what's a costume that
we can do at the last minute?
400
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,046
Um, I've got a black wig
and some 60s clothes.
401
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,117
Sonny and Cher?
402
00:15:47,117 --> 00:15:48,348
Yes!
403
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,180
Oh, my God, that's perfect!
404
00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:52,482
Plus, they were great friends
after their breakup,
405
00:15:52,482 --> 00:15:53,953
and you know, it's...
it's just like us!
406
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,126
Yeah, so totally like us! Yeah!
407
00:15:56,126 --> 00:15:57,327
(chuckles)
408
00:16:09,839 --> 00:16:10,970
Really?
409
00:16:12,302 --> 00:16:14,204
How was I supposed to know
you wanted to be Cher?
410
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:18,848
Uh, again, I'm gonna
go with, "Really?"
411
00:16:25,355 --> 00:16:27,817
Riley? What are you doing here?
412
00:16:27,817 --> 00:16:28,988
And why are you with my brother?
413
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,663
I don't know, because Ben
didn't dump me for his mother?
414
00:16:33,663 --> 00:16:35,895
Because Ben is a true friend.
415
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,927
Because Ben would
never abandon me.
416
00:16:37,927 --> 00:16:38,968
Ben's gotta go.
417
00:16:38,968 --> 00:16:40,800
See you later, Riles.
Wish me luck.
418
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,872
-Hey, Sonny.
-Hey, Mom.
419
00:16:45,635 --> 00:16:46,876
Oh, hey, Riles.
420
00:16:46,876 --> 00:16:48,738
Ever hear the expression,
421
00:16:48,738 --> 00:16:51,841
"Two is company, three is
a pathetic girl dressed as Cher
with no partner"?
422
00:16:52,882 --> 00:16:53,883
Tucker?
423
00:16:55,945 --> 00:16:57,347
What are you doing?
424
00:16:57,347 --> 00:17:00,290
I found this costume
on the couch.
425
00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:03,123
Figured it was the perfect way
to get past security.
426
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,295
Don't you work here?
427
00:17:05,295 --> 00:17:08,058
Oh. Oh, when I'm done
with this show,
428
00:17:08,058 --> 00:17:10,230
nobody is gonna work here.
429
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,301
Okay?
430
00:17:11,301 --> 00:17:13,833
It's time I got my dignity back.
431
00:17:19,709 --> 00:17:21,771
Hey, Mary.
It's me, Jason.
432
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,375
What are you doing here?
433
00:17:25,375 --> 00:17:27,317
I think we both know
what I'm doing here.
434
00:17:27,317 --> 00:17:29,079
I saw how you looked
at me before.
435
00:17:33,183 --> 00:17:35,885
Oh, you're here
to seduce me just like
436
00:17:35,885 --> 00:17:39,129
the real Sonny did in '79.
437
00:17:39,129 --> 00:17:40,830
You bet I am.
438
00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:42,992
Should we lock the doors
so your husband doesn't
walk in on us?
439
00:17:42,992 --> 00:17:45,835
Please, I've done this
100 times before
440
00:17:45,835 --> 00:17:47,167
and he never found out.
441
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,268
He's about as in the dark
442
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,540
as the IRS is
about my Swiss accounts.
443
00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:51,641
Now...
444
00:17:51,641 --> 00:17:55,074
why don't you make a deposit
at Infidelity Bank?
445
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,148
-Gotcha!
-Mary: Now...
446
00:17:58,148 --> 00:18:02,182
why don't you make a deposit
at Infidelity Bank?
447
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,254
What do you want?
448
00:18:04,254 --> 00:18:06,085
I want you to give
Tucker his job back
449
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,587
unless you want this
to get out too.
450
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,589
You know he deserves it.
451
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,261
He does everything
to please you
452
00:18:11,261 --> 00:18:13,263
and all you've ever done
is crush his spirit.
453
00:18:13,263 --> 00:18:14,924
Fine.
454
00:18:14,924 --> 00:18:16,666
I actually need Tucker.
455
00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:19,729
His little revenge video
doubled the show ratings.
456
00:18:19,729 --> 00:18:21,271
So he can have his job back?
457
00:18:21,271 --> 00:18:22,302
Sure.
458
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,003
Now put the mustache on
459
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:27,307
and take me back to 1979.
460
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,382
Okay, SweetHarts,
461
00:18:32,382 --> 00:18:33,913
let's do this.
462
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,044
Hey, hey.
463
00:18:35,044 --> 00:18:36,186
Where's your partner?
464
00:18:36,186 --> 00:18:37,217
Oh, he was just here.
465
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,818
Sorry, couples only.
466
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,320
Desperate singles is next week.
467
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,193
-If you could just give me
a minute, he'll be right back.
-Rules are rules.
468
00:18:43,193 --> 00:18:45,555
-I swear.
-You two, you two, next.
469
00:18:45,555 --> 00:18:47,126
Riley, I am so sorry.
470
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,398
Danny, come on! Hurry up.
471
00:18:48,398 --> 00:18:50,360
The gay pirate boys
are taking our seats!
472
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,562
As soon as this is over,
I'm going to make it up to you.
473
00:18:52,562 --> 00:18:54,734
Danny, come on!
I gave you life!
474
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,336
She's just giving you
a hard time.
475
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:58,468
-Can you give me a minute?
-No, Danny. It's fine. Not now.
476
00:18:58,468 --> 00:19:00,670
-Yeah, Danny. Not now.
-Mom, enough!
477
00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:03,673
You've been controlling, bossy,
and honestly, a pain in my neck.
478
00:19:03,673 --> 00:19:05,415
I'm sorry that you're lonely,
479
00:19:05,415 --> 00:19:07,046
but you're not the woman
that I love.
480
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,278
Riley is.
481
00:19:08,278 --> 00:19:10,880
So, you need to back up
out of my life and get your own.
482
00:19:15,385 --> 00:19:17,657
Well, it's about time!
483
00:19:19,128 --> 00:19:20,190
Both:
What?
484
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:24,494
Danny, I have been in your face
the last two days,
485
00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:26,836
trying to get you
to push me away.
486
00:19:26,836 --> 00:19:28,368
No man should let
his mother come between
487
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:29,999
him and the love of his life.
488
00:19:29,999 --> 00:19:32,402
And no woman wants
to be with a guy
489
00:19:32,402 --> 00:19:34,143
who can't stand up
to his mother.
490
00:19:35,405 --> 00:19:37,547
Now, if you'll excuse me,
491
00:19:37,547 --> 00:19:39,809
I was right about this corset
492
00:19:39,809 --> 00:19:43,283
and my m'ladies
are about to blow, so...
493
00:19:45,315 --> 00:19:46,786
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
494
00:19:48,117 --> 00:19:49,319
Tucker?
495
00:19:49,319 --> 00:19:50,590
How many times
do I have to tell you
496
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,021
to stop stealing my clothes?
497
00:19:53,423 --> 00:19:54,524
It doesn't matter.
I got great news.
498
00:19:54,524 --> 00:19:55,595
So do I, man.
499
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,697
Look, I finally realized
you were right.
500
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:01,170
This job, this humiliation,
it's beneath me.
501
00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:03,072
I am better than Mary Hart.
502
00:20:03,072 --> 00:20:04,574
-I got your job back.
-Oh, my God! You did?!
503
00:20:04,574 --> 00:20:06,376
That's amazing!
504
00:20:06,376 --> 00:20:07,677
I love this job!
505
00:20:07,677 --> 00:20:09,939
Man over speaker:
And we're live in five seconds.
506
00:20:09,939 --> 00:20:12,211
(theme music playing)
507
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,383
♪ Mary ♪
508
00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:14,384
No, no, no, no.
509
00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:16,246
I slipped something to my buddy
in the audio booth.
510
00:20:16,246 --> 00:20:17,447
I gotta stop him.
511
00:20:17,447 --> 00:20:18,588
(auto-tuned)
♪ Hello, America ♪
512
00:20:18,588 --> 00:20:20,990
♪ I'm Mary Hart, Hart, Hart ♪
513
00:20:20,990 --> 00:20:22,221
♪ 50 pounds of ♪
514
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,093
♪ 50 pounds of weed ♪
515
00:20:24,093 --> 00:20:27,697
♪ Are these cranberries? ♪
516
00:20:27,697 --> 00:20:29,429
♪ I hate, I hate cranberries! ♪
517
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,200
♪ I hate them as much
as I hate you ♪
518
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,962
♪ And that's a lot! ♪
519
00:20:32,962 --> 00:20:34,163
♪ Keep throwing ♪
520
00:20:34,163 --> 00:20:35,465
♪ Keep throwing ♪
521
00:20:35,465 --> 00:20:37,367
♪ Keep throwing cranberries! ♪
522
00:20:37,367 --> 00:20:38,738
♪ Tucker! ♪
523
00:20:41,271 --> 00:20:42,342
(clears throat)
524
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,374
Hey, man, uh...
525
00:20:44,374 --> 00:20:45,875
how'd you get my job back?
526
00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:47,817
Any chance it'll work again?
527
00:20:49,279 --> 00:20:50,219
I'll be right back.
528
00:20:57,327 --> 00:20:59,289
Hey, Mom, watch this.
529
00:20:59,289 --> 00:21:01,190
Emma, it's time for bed.
530
00:21:01,190 --> 00:21:02,432
Let's go put
your pajamas on, okay?
531
00:21:02,432 --> 00:21:03,533
Okay.
532
00:21:03,533 --> 00:21:05,535
(chuckles)
Yeah.
533
00:21:05,535 --> 00:21:07,537
Now who's standing up
to a two-year-old?
534
00:21:07,537 --> 00:21:08,598
Mm-hmm.
535
00:21:09,839 --> 00:21:11,140
All right, my little monkey.
536
00:21:11,140 --> 00:21:12,442
Come on.
537
00:21:12,442 --> 00:21:14,504
There we go. All right.
538
00:21:14,504 --> 00:21:16,306
Let's get your jammies on.
539
00:21:16,306 --> 00:21:17,447
Okay.
540
00:21:17,447 --> 00:21:19,248
Oh, right.
541
00:21:19,248 --> 00:21:20,450
Sorry.
542
00:21:20,450 --> 00:21:21,851
Here's your cookie, sweetheart.
37808
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