Original subtitles

In New York Cíty, there's a fine line between law and chaos.

On that line lÍve Danson and Highsmith.

I am Sarah McKay Imperrato,

the mother of Adam McKay. And Allison, don't want to Ieave her out.

And this is the mother...

-Oh , is that it? -That's it!

-That's your introduction? -Yeah.

I'm Kay Ferrell, mother of Will Ferrell and Patrick Ferrell .

And I'm Pat Henchy, I'm the mother of Christopher Henchy.

-Uh-oh ! -I hate it when you say "uh-oh ! "

Dude, you put a ding in my hood !

Come on with it, then !

Whoa, hey!

That's trouble.

Well , this is awfully early to be watching this movie, but it's a great movie.

The reason it's early is 'cause we were out very late.

It's never too early to Iook at The Rock. That's all I got to say.

I totally agree. Yeah .

-Was he at the pa Iast night? -Where was he?

I never saw him .

I wouldn't have flown across the country had I known .

-Yeah . Yeah . -Yeah .

-I didn't see him at the party. -He was not there.

But I saw him on set, and he hugged me.

I didn't see Michael Keaton .

-Did you? -No, no.

-I don't know if he was there. -Yeah.

He was so good .

-Yes, he was. -God, he's so...

He was.

...focused . Or, whatever. He's great.

Okay, now, I just have to say that I think the special effects are

just amazing. And I was sitting next to Patrick, Will's brother,

and I kept saying, "So, what's real and what's digitized?"

And he's a film major, and he couldn't tell 'cause it's done so well .

-He couldn't? -Yeah.

Yeah . Because it just looked terrific.

Yeah , I thought that the whole movie kind of flowed really nicely.

Yeah .

I think that must be the big challenge in getting a movie to go.

It never felt choppy.

Well , you said it had a plot to it,

-a really good plot. -This time.

This time ! But it had a plot.

This one's got a plot.

I know. I long for plots, you know?

My simple mind can then follow them .

And at our age, you know, we're Iooking at plots.

-God ! -Which brings to mind , I don't have one.

Thanks for bringing it up.

I said to my husband "We need to do something about that."

We need a plot.

Especially since you couldn't remember the size of the glasses Iast night,

so, you're getting close.

Yeah. Yeah .

That's the first sign you need a plot.

Oh , there he is. The mother's son .

They are.

-Yeah. Yeah . -He!s so cute.

We were actually on set when they filmed the spilling the coffee thing .

And poor Will, he had to change his...

I mean , you forget this, but he had to change his tie and his shirt like 1 0 times.

This is Rob Riggle, too, he's so good .

-Yeah. -I think he's great.

-I like Sam Jackson , too. -Oh, yeah.

He's cool, you know?

He became a champion and then a movie star, all right?

Now he shows up every year for the Masters in Augusta.

-Loves golfing . -Oh , he does?

-Do you guys go every year? -We do.

Oh , how much fun. I know Will got...

He showed up once, I think.

Yeah , he bid for it in an auction , and he took his brother-in-law,

who's a big golfer and who knew the course.

Right.

And he said it was so much fun .

-Beautiful. -I've just ridden past the gate.

You must go inside.

You hear me? You hear me?

-Cash bar. -Yeah .

"Cash bar."

Hey, fellas. All right, bring it in .

Come on. Bring it in a little bit.

All right, right there.

I wonder if The Rock,

Dwayne Johnson, if his tattoo's really real .

You know, I'm hoping not.

-I don't know, I just Iike The Rock. -I don't get too many crushes and I wanted ...

I just Iike the arm .

Have you ever seen them do a tattoo?

I mean , for when people don't have tattoos and they do it?

Oh , well . My husband is a dermatologist, he can work it out.

The art people, it takes forever for them to do them ,

and they last two or three days, I guess,

and then they have to do them all over again.

I can't imagine having to go through that kind of makeup

to have artificial tattoos put on .

Girls, this is where I feel that Will really has a feminine side to him .

I mean, he can really touch those sensitive spots.

And this is where I know that Mark needs to get into anger management.

-Oh , yeah , at this part in the movie. -He needs anger management.

I think he needs some bully counseling . You know, the bully thing .

They were so believable.

I mean , Mark just Iooks so angry through the whole movie.

And I feel Iike it's my son talking to my daughter when they were growing up.

You know, that kind of stuff.

"Don't Iook at me."

"What are you Iooking at," right?

"Don't Iook at me."

And poor Bob. What's up with Bob?

There's a Bob in every movie.

-The guy that people are annoyed with . -Yeah.

That actor was actually in Will's piece about Bush .

-He was the guy who threw the shoe. -Oh, yeah.

I just walked out that door, saw a couple detectives,

and I was about to start bad mouthing you behind your back,

but I stopped myself, because my pops taught me

that a man who talks behind somebody's back is a coward .

I think he's very angry.

Oh , this is the scene where Will does the thing with a lion in the ocean ...

-Oh, yeah . -Yeah, that was...

Mark is so intense.

Oh , here we go.

I just Iove it when Will does the kind of dweeby thing, but, you know...

-And he's so intellectual that he. . . -Yeah , yeah .

Lions don't Iike water.

If you'd placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source...

-Will's hair Iooks good in this scene. -It does.

I'm always looking for a...

Look how. . . It's such a good hair person on this movie.

You lose that battle.

You lose that battle nine times out of ten .

I love this.

You've wandered into our school of tuna...

Well , you know, he Iooks Iike he's got thick hair. Who does he take after?

-You? -I have a lot of hair.

It looks a Iittle flat today.

The curl's from his dad .

H is dad had really curly hair when he had a lot of hair.

But listen, remember when he did the movie about the basketball player?

-I can't remember what it was called . -Yeah , and he let his hair grow out.

And he came over to Adam and Shira's for a birthday pa, and I'm telling you ,

his hair was Iike this.

-And I was Iike "Will, is that for real?" -And dyed red.

And Viveca said , "It's just a stage."

But the hair Iooks nice.

It's got a nice wave in the back and great shine.

Yeah , and you can't see the tattoo on his neck.

That DreamWorks tattoo that he hides, you know.

-There we go. -Oh , that's what you saw, yeah .

I found this disturbing, and you know what? If you wash in cold water...

-Doesn't work. -That's right.

-Going green . -Yeah , yeah .

-I Iike the. . . -The Australian guy was...

-He was so good . -He was really good .

He was really good , yes.

-Sort of reminds me of. . . -Who does he remind you of?

-You know. -Dudley Moore?

Yes.

-Oh , Dudley Moore. Yeah . -Dudley Moore.

Oh , my gosh .

This guy was a relative of my husband's or something .

It was like "Whoa." Seriously scary.

He's...

-So, this is the anger management part. -Yeah.

-Wait, what was. . . -I loVe him .

I love his work, too.

I like it when he said, "How did that feel?" and he said, "Like a Viagra with a face."

Where's that?

...that story made you feel .

Like my cock was made out of concrete.

Oh, God .

Do you think they really have real sessions like this for cops?

I hope so.

Or is this something Adam and Chris came up with?

No, I think they do. I think they do.

I thought, "Oh, my gosh, these poor guys have to go on their lunch break

"and have a psychiatric session or whatever." Group counseling .

I think they do go to counseling .

I think they should .

-Yeah . -Yeah .

Well , because otherwise you start to think that Iife is all about this,

and you get confused, and then you start killing people you shouldn't.

My sister and I thought of this yesterday.

We were here about five years ago for something,

staying in a hotel not as nice as the one I'm staying in now.

At 2:00 in the morning , the management knocked on the door

and there were two of New York's finest standing there,

accusing us of throwing Chinese food out the window.

Are you serious?

It was in the summer, when all the high school kids were in town ,

and my sister and I were standing there in our nightgowns

in front of these two NYPD guys,

and we said, my sister in her little Southern accent said ,

"Do we Iook Iike we'd throw Chinese food out the window?"

And the cops just went, "No, ma'am. No, ma'am ."

True story.

Oh , wait, we missed the whole. . . Is it Derek Jeter?

I'm so bad. Is it Eric or Derek?

-Derek Jeter's shot. -Sorry.

Oh , did we miss that?

-Yeah , we missed that. -That was so good .

But I liked how they kept bringing it up, didn't you?

-Absolutely. -Yeah .

And he's a big hit here.

-Oh, my God . -He is rather cute.

Somebody just told me he's getting married now, finally.

I thought he was the hottest date in town .

-Yeah , he and A-Rod . -Oh, A-Rod .

Apparently, he has all sorts of starlets on his arm all the time, you know.

September '08.

-Be a man. Do it. -Now.

-Please, please, do it. -Pop one off!

-There you go. Pop it off! -Don't think, just go !

-Oh, my God . -I think he's darling .

-Rob Riggle's precious. -Yes.

Oh, I think Damon. . . What is it? I want to say Damon Wayans.

-Yes. Is adorable. -I like Rob's teeth. His mouth .

-I Iike his mouth . -And such a gentleman this guy is.

Who?

Damon Wayans?

Now, who takes credit, Adam or Chris, for coming up with the...

What do they call that? The something pop?

-Oh , the office pop ! -Who made that up?

I mean, that is so great.

Will did that. Will did the pop.

-I like the wooden gun thing . -The office pop.

That's hilarious.

Here he goes.

-And the wooden gun . -He looks...

-Michael Keaton is so great. So great. -I know.

I especially Iove his part-time job.

-At Bed Bath and Beyond? -I know!

Bed Bath and Beyond .

That was a good twist.

I'm sitting there the whole movie thinking ,

I'm sitting there the whole movie thinking ,

how do their brains work that they come up with this stuff?

Who would have ever put those two jobs together?

Well , 'cause it's so outrageous.

It's just absurd, I know.

They're masters of absurdity, I have to say.

I think our children grew up like that.

I don't know if it's more disturbing thinking that a cop works at Bed Bath and Beyond

or your clerk at Bed Bath and Beyond is a cop.

That's really true.

Absolutely. Yeah .

"You're returning the toilet cover?" "Pardon me."

What? This is work!

Hey, yo ! Danson and H ighsmith . We roll in heavy.

You cream puffs, sit tight.

You gotta be shitting me !

You can't keep me cooped up in here, okay?

I am a peacock! You gotta let me fly!

Well , I'll tell you, Adam's father always said ,

"I can't wait till you get on TV so we can turn you off."

-That gives you a clue. . . -Yeah.

Will was just such ...

He was a good student, and he was an athlete.

And he liked to do funny little stuff,

like make announcements on the school loudspeaker.

But I never ever thought that he...

I thought that he would just be a nice, quiet business guy.

Or maybe work in education, be a coach .

-He wanted to be a sports announcer. -That's what Adam wanted to be, too.

Because Will's degree is in Sports Information ,

which is no Ionger a degree program at USC.

But that's what he was going to do, and I really thought that's what he would do.

-What about Chris? -Well , Christopher...

I'm surprised he's a writer because when he was in the fourth grade,

he was writing a composition for the Daughters of the American Revolution ,

and I kept on saying, "Chris, you have to rewrite this. This is just not gonna work.

"It's good , but it's not gonna work. You need to rewrite this,"

and I remember him saying , "If I have to do this one more time,

"I'm gonna stab myself with this pencil ."

Did he win the contest?

I think he did. Actually, I think he did .

And I said, "Stab yourself when you're finished, but go and do this."

-Yeah , "Don't threaten me." -But he was very quiet

until he got to high school , and then it just broke loose.

Oh , in high school , he started writing funny stuff?

-No, he was just very, very funny. -Okay.

-Very, very funny. -Didn't write it down .

Adam , whatever he was into, he was way into.

Dungeons & Dragons, I mean , he knew everything .

When he was into sports, everything . He took on the personality, you know.

And then about when he was about 1 2,

I paid him $5 to read C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia,

-'cause all he read was comic books. -Only $5?

-It was a Iong time ago. -He went for it!

He read them all and loved it, and then he never stopped reading ,

and then he got into. . . He was a comic artist, he was a great artist.

-And then he got into. . . -I didn't know that.

Yeah, I thought he was going to be a comic artist,

and then he got into writing and DaVid Letterman .

David Letterman really turned him on . Then he Ioved the humor thing .

And then he was the class clown and that whole thing .

But I must say, when he Iikes something , he really likes it, so...

Apparently, he Iikes this.

-I love Will in that uniform . -He looks very handsome.

I like the white gloves.

And when they put the gloves on the shoulder.

I've never seen that before.

-But the bagpipes. . . -It's a turn-on , don't you think?

Well , yeah , because you know, Will ...

U niforms have always been a turn-on for me.

-Yeah , it's the men in uniform . -Then throw in the white gloves.

The gloves didn't do anything for me, but...

And this is so fypical , because we come from a family

of a lot of firemen and policemen ,

and they do usually fight in the corners, so this is very realistic.

Oh , that was hysterical , but it also...

When they did the scene in the corner, it takes on what little boys would do.

You know, and then they'd shape right up, and everyone was standing around them .

I love that.

You touch him, I swear to God

I'm gonna beat the shit out of you with Allen's head .

-What is Will saying, "That's inappropriate"? -Yeah.

And I Iove this, I love the way they hide them .

And when the widow goes by, and he says "I'm so sorry,"

-and then they continue to fight. -I know.

This reminds me of the playground at Catholic school, you know.

If you were gonna have a fight, everybody stood around you

so the sisters couldn't see.

-Absolutely. -To cover you up.

And then everybody looks like there's no problem .

There we go.

There the white gloves are.

...and you guys are fighting over who's gonna be the next hotshot?

Look at. . . His face is so good .

-Sorry for your Ioss, Lorraine. -Very sorry.

This is it.

-Too soon? -Why'd you say that?

I'll tell you something about those guys.

They knew that to become a good cop, you had to solve cases. Okay?

Okay, and maybe you start with the Castien robbery.

I thought it was very shocking

when I saw them take the Ieap. I thought they were gonna land in something soft.

And I thought, "They're gonna come back. They can't Ieave the movie this soon ."

It was quick. It was really quick.

I figured that they're big stars, and they won't be around long .

I figured that they're big stars, and they won't be around long .

Oh , yeah, maybe that's it.

This is another great scene, when he's cleaning his hands.

Yeah , with the hand sanitizer.

I like the great white on his computer screen .

"Good morning, it's 9: 1 4."

-And they tell him to go to hell . -Yeah.

Good morning .

-Look at that anger. -I know, I know.

That eyebrow, that raised eyebrow.

There's no chance you'd wanna go on that call , right?

No chance. Too busy.

All right, ladies. Starting to get the picture? We're about to lock shit down .

-That's right. -You girls stay here and get your type on .

Go get them, guys. Lot of energy, lot of focus.

Shut up !

Allen , could I see you in the hallway for a second?

I . . . I'm super busy right now, Terry.

No, no, no, I know. This'll be real quick.

It's about the construction permits you were talking about.

-The scaffolding violations? -This is our thing, yeah .

I think he did a great job. They just played off one another so well .

I think he's really funny.

You know, it's such a departure from how he acts on Antiques Roadshow.

I really want him to Iook at this old gun cabinet we have, I'm telling you .

Can't get on that show.

I think my favorite Mark Wahlberg scene,

I hope I've got this right,

is in Boogie Nįghts when he and John Reilly are in the record store.

They're gonna record a record . I just love that.

What are you gonna do, though , you know? Bar mitzVahs.

So what do you think the boys would be doing if they were not in films?

I mean, if they had to just do a straight-up job?

I think Will may really have gotten into some kind of...

-Sports? -News work.

Yeah . Because he did a Iittle bit of training

-in public access TV. -Oh, yeah .

And he found then he didn't want to go out and get the news,

but he loved reading the news.

How about this music, ladies?

Doesn't this really turn you on?

-His alternate. -H is CDs, I loved his music.

I liked Monday, Monday, when they were doing Monday, Monday.

That was really good .

I also found wrecking the Prius disturbing .

I was like, "Oh, no, some more? We're wrecking it?"

I love the notion of having a Prius, too.

"America."

How did they come up with that?

"America," God .

-See, I don't even know. . . -I just wonder, though ,

-the mess! -How do they do these scenes?

I'm just amazed at the chaos that they cause.

Yeah, absolutely.

Did you yell "America"?

Who takes credit for that line,

Chris or Adam?

Adam probably said , "Try something different,"

and Will went "Okay."

"America."

Here we go.

Way to put your stamp on the crime scene, guys.

-Prius, huh? -Yep, yep.

-He's. . . -He's calm .

Yeah. He's almost got that Obama kind of thing .

-No, really. -The Obama gene?

I don't think he's got that. I don't know.

-You would know. -But he's got the...

-He's always kind of together. -Composed, composed .

So he has a lot of teleprompters?

I'm sorry?

The Obama gene, he has a Iot of teleprompters?

Oh , that. No, but that façade of being cool .

-Composed . -Composure, yeah .

You know, this is the same with Adam and Chris, I'm sure, too.

But Will is always very personable.

-Gracious. -Yeah , very gracious.

My friends came in from New York to go on set,

and of course they all wanted to have their picture with Will ,

and he could have walked around the other way,

he just always said, "Of course."

-He's a sweetheart. -He has a lot of patience.

-I have no idea why he's like he is. -No, I know, I know.

Neither his father nor I are that way.

So, I have no idea.

I've just always marveled .

He's always been very thoughtful about what he does.

I would just say he's considerate of people, and Adam's the same way.

He always remembers people and asks about how things are going

and says to Pat, "How is your book going?"

And kind of remembers details, which is very, very Iovely.

They're very, very gracious. Very kind , and very sensitive to other people.

Aren't we amazed that we have

-these three wonderful children? -We did great jobs.

It wasn't always that way.

And they have wonderful wives and wonderful families, it's amazing .

That's probably why they click.

-Yeah. -Because they're so solid .

-The Australian actor. . . -Sexy, huh?

-Yeah . Last night at the party, I didn't. . . -Was he there?

Yeah , he Iooked so different. He has a beard and he has...

That nice, tight polo shirt.

-Yeah . -And six-pack abs.

-I didn't even recognize him . -Did you see him?

-You didn't recognize him? -He came oVer to the table

to speak to Will , and I finally figured out who it was.

I recognized him as soon as he walked in .

I couldn't see the persons through the people, if you know what I mean .

I know. What a jammed party.

Did you guys check out the guy...

It's not the red carpet, it's the yellow and black carpet, which was cute, I must say.

...who was dressed Iike Ron Burgundy?

-No. -No. I didn't see that.

I was like, "What's that guy doing?"

He kind of reminded me of. . . Who's the guy who wears the wig, the shag thing?

-I missed that. -And then he was dressed in red .

And I said, "What's going on?" and my sister said ,

-"He probably just Iikes Ron Burgundy." -I missed that completely.

I love the scene where Will hits him with the wooden gun .

'Cause you see a different side of Will!s character there.

I Iove that. That shocked me, that Will would do that.

I know! It just. . . Whap, with the wooden gun .

And then you see this different side of his character there.

That was really good . Yeah .

-You know what bugs me about you? -What?

I'm pretty sure you've never voted .

Oh , they are so good .

It kind of kicks you off from the left-over feelings from last night.

-They're bloody. -Certainly did help me

after my 37 glasses of white wine last night.

-But they were small . -They were.

-They were the tiniest glasses I've ever seen . -I don't remember those little glasses.

I just don't remember those Iittle glasses.

Where were the Iittle glasses? Mine were big, nice glasses.

Were you at the same party?

-The first party. -Yeah, the first party.

Did you have your picture taken upstairs?

-What stairs? -Oh , that was cute.

-My sister. . . -What stairs?

There was a patio upstairs, and they had this photo booth with all kinds of props.

-So help me God. -You didn't go into the sauna? The steam?

-No. -The Jacuzzi?

What stairs?

-What stairs? -What Iittle glasses?

Those very steep, Iong stairs.

-Yeah. -But they had a photo booth .

And then they had the props, and you could put money in your brassiere.

Did you see the bar on the second floor?

-Yeah . That's where it was. -You did.

-I missed it. -Oh , it was cute.

-Was it behind the bar? -Next to the bar.

-That's where I met your family. -Oh, yeah.

I didn't know that place existed , though . I must say, Pat's right.

Somebody turned me on to it.

My sister came down, and she said , "You gotta get your picture taken ."

So we made the trek.

-Yeah . My sister and I . . . -Missed it.

I would have brought it, but I have the wrong purse today.

-Yeah, me, too. -Downsized my purse Iast night.

I'll e-mail it to you .

I kept everything in my bra.

Didn't bring a purse, kept it all in my bra.

I love this notion of taking their shoes.

I think that is so hilarious.

-Oh , wait, so this is when they get. . . -Yeah .

Taking their shoes.

-And no one notices. -Who thought of that?

He's a genius.

Yes, it is. Because there's something to shoes besides shoes.

I mean , shoes are about you .

Absolutely.

They speak volumes.

We could probably do an analysis on the shoes we're wearing today.

I haven't been wearing high heels for a while. I wear gym shoes a lot.

My calves have been aching since I'm in the cify from wearing high heels.

They just ache.

I've given up on high heels.

-That's as high as I ever get. -Yeah.

I was in high heels, and they're killing me.

Well , this walking thing in New York City is a whole new program .

I only wear high heels for funerals and weddings. That's it.

And then take them off.

I have a friend who calls her shoes her arriVal shoes.

And then she takes them off?

Then she takes them off, puts them under the table, yeah .

Okay, where are we here?

Let's see.

-They're isolating the theft. -They're on to the...

The Iottery theft.

Look at that, with no shoes.

Hoitz, Gamble, Captain. Not good .

-Bye, guys. -Bye-bye.

Come on .

Guys, this is Don Beaman , the attorney for Mr. Ershon .

Roger Wesley, head of his private security.

I absolutely Iove to see all the scenes that we're familiar with .

-'Cause we've been here so often . -Some of us were born here.

We're in the cify frequently, and I was born in New York Cify, New York Hospital ,

so this is really nice for us.

Yeah , I thought that they really picked up the flavor of New York well .

Where else could you do this movie except New York?

I mean , it just wouldn't work.

They thought about doing it somewhere else, didn't they?

-Did they? -Yeah .

Like where?

-Not in CIeveland . -No.

Philadelphia.

-Was it Philly? Yeah . -Only in New York.

-Really? -Only in New York.

Yeah .

...and the fear in a man's eye who knows I'm about to hurt him .

Hey! Shake your dicks. This pissing contest is over.

I wonder how the New York PD is going to feel about this.

All right, look, they returned your shoes.

And they returned your weapons. Here you go, Terry.

Allen , someone was nice enough to put linseed oil on it,

some kind of stain on that, dark walnut or something .

You might wanna think about dropping them a thank you note.

Okay.

You're mad at us, huh , Gene?

First off, don't call me Gene. I'm your captain .

Well , some of the film was filmed in Albany,

but I just can't believe that. I just think it was all New York.

Well , Albany needs some help, you know.

I've never been to Albany.

They are the capital of New York State, by the way.

I know.

And somebody asked, "How do you think the police in New York Cify feel about this?"

Well , my cousin was there,

and there were some rough moments for him,

because he's a New York City retired policeman .

So, there were some sensitive moments for him.

In what regard?

Well , you know, that they looked really foolish .

Oh , yeah, well, that's...

Like, "A New York cop would never do that."

He felt a Iittle sensitive.

Did he say they really do the pop off in the ceiling, or what?

No, he didn't.

But remember with Ron Burgundy...

No, some of them just shoot up in the street.

That's right.

Particularly on the Fourth of J uly.

-But remember with . . . -After a few drinks.

Oh, yeah .

Remember with Ron Burgundy, how San Diego hated it

Remember with Ron Burgundy, how San Diego hated it

-and felt that they were. . . -That's right.

... really being critical of their lousy news stations?

Because I Iive there, and I can tell you , they are lousy.

Okay, now, I love this. I just love this.

Oh, wait. I know! This is probably my favorite in the movie.

...currently the CEO of Ershon Consortium.

-Right here. When the wife. . . -With the wife.

So funny. That was really funny.

"Tell her I give my regards."

I like that Mark Wahlberg keeps saying , "Who is she?"

-I know. -"No, tell me. Who is she?"

-And he just looks so in earnest. -I know.

"No, really. Who is she?"

And actually, the whole idea that Will's character

is, like, even abusive to the woman is so funny,

because up until now, he's such a stand-up guy.

Well , I didn't feel Iike he was really abusive.

-J ust unappreciative. -U nappreciative. Absolutely.

Told her to get the Iousy outfit off.

Yeah , she looked like a Daisy Duke or something .

She does this role so well .

I'm Dr. Sheila Gamble, his wife.

Come on , seriously. Who is that?

Eva Mendes.

-Sweetie, it's a workstation . -Got it.

And you come in here, dressed like a hobo, it's distracting .

I know you're working. I'm so sorry.

-Come on, seriously. -Come on, what?

Who is that?

That's the old . . . That's the old ball and chain .

Get over here.

I thought it was absolutely a perfect choice.

But I thought she was a bit of a contradiction ,

because here he is as a really kind of nerdy guy with the police department,

and she is an emergency room physician

treating him for anal poison ivy.

Rectal poison ivy.

I wasn't quite sure. He had poison ivy on his butt, I think.

Was that the line?

No, I thought that's when he was a pimp.

-That's how he caught it. -I love the whole pimp thing .

It cracked me up how he progressed from being preppy to apparently having the knife.

But that's how he met her.

Eva Mendes was probably one of the few people that could pull this off in this way,

because she's so ridiculously beautiful and sexy,

but still , she's got some demurity to her, what's the word?

I know.

And then she's just so dedicated to her husband .

-But in this scene, look at Mark's. . . -Stare.

-H is stare! Absolutely. -Oh, yes.

-He's mesmerized . -H is intensify in this scene.

"Who is she?"

I know.

-"No, really. Who is she?" I love that. -Yes.

...of not communicating once verbally.

Look at that! Mark's perfect with that.

It was just this primal connection .

After those three days...

Mark has this wonderful ability to be a grownup

but still have this wonderment of a child or a teenager.

...operating on a German shepherd

-when they have hip dysplasia. -Very painful.

It's funny, it's Iike a scene from that one movie, always forget the name of it.

-With Meg Ryan . -Yes.

I don't remember a movie where Meg Ryan meets a guy...

I'm not thrilled about his haircut.

I like Mark's hair in this movie.

-You do? -Why?

But I don't want to say that 'cause I don't know how he really wears his hair.

But it's perfect for this role.

-That puffed-up side? -Yeah. I like it.

It was kind of Iike Catholic school/Holy Communion haircut.

-Catholic-school short on the sides. -Holy Communion haircut.

What a wonderful, Iovely evening . Thank you.

-It was so, so nice meeting you , Terry. -It was my pleasure. Thank you .

-Oh , this is my favorite. -I know.

Oh, I know. I love this, when he tells her good night.

-Look at the smile ! -I know.

He only wants to communicate with Sheila.

"I hope he gets hurt. I hope he gets hurt."

You know, Mark can just say a lot with his face.

-I know, just his eyes. -Yeah.

He just looks Iike, "I just despise you ."

And he's so disdainful of Allen having this magnetizm .

Oh, Iook! When he goes for her, he goes for her neck.

When he kisses her neck, that is really good .

He can't help but go for her neck.

I thought he was going to feel her up or something ,

but I thought this was better.

Oh , much better, just to have that little nibble, right there.

I mean, you watch her and you almost want to feel her up yourself.

-Okay. -Thank you , Sheila.

He'II bring it.

-Good night! -Good night.

Thank you, Sheila.

"Thank you, Sheila."

You know, I actually like this

because it's set up like he's going to walk into the tree,

but he doesn't.

-Oh , good point. -Yeah.

That's a touch .

I think that's a really nice touch , yeah .

To stay away from the predictable.

Well , of course, I have to say, I really liked their house.

Well , of course, I have to say, I really liked their house.

I know. I wonder where they found that house.

It's so cute. Does it really look like Manhattan, I don't know.

I thought somebody would be licking on the car because it was so full of the drug .

They must be Iiving in Brooklyn or someplace, to have a house like that.

Or Rego Park.

Is that where they...

...and gave birth on the floor.

Placenta blew out all over the back window there.

Yeah , and then to top it all off, some joker comes along

takes himself a nifty Iittle dump in the driVer's seat.

I think he knew you guys were cops,

because this is what I would call a spite shit.

You were able to determine all of that

-from the hair and fluid samples? -Oh, yeah.

What about fingerprints? You find any fingerprints?

-Nope, couldn't get a one. -Found a cell phone.

Yeah, that's mine.

Any signs of a struggle or spent shells?

Oh , this is when the homeless people have sex in the car.

Have been using the car.

...was more than willing .

In fact, they even Ieft you a note here.

"Thanks for the F-shack. Love, Dirty Mike and the boys."

Here's something we found .

We found about a dozen unscratched lottery tickets.

No fingerprints or nothing. Check that out.

Yeah , it's a real shame, you know. I got myself a Prius. It's a hell of a machine.

-I like that. -I do, too.

"It's my new car." He says, "I've never had a new car."

Well , you know, Will never had a new car until 1 0 years ago.

He had two hand-me-down cars.

And right before he got married , he got his very first car.

What did he get?

He got a. . . God, I can't even remember.

It was something that was very popular at the time, but it was a utility-type car.

We gotta hear the other side of that call .

This scene is good , when he speaks to the waiter.

Why did you just get super jumpy?

-This was. . . -I wonder if this is a real restaurant.

What's the matter? What happened with you guys?

He's posing himself as this real ladies' man . It's such a contradiction .

That all the Iadies Iove him so much .

Yeah , well, of course.

And Mark has a hard time getting the women .

And Will is supposed to be such a nerd .

I love that, with the plastic on the side of the car.

Oh , yeah , this lady, of course.

Hello, AIIen .

Watch her eyes.

And her name, Christinith .

-Christinith. -Who thought of that one?

-Christinith . -Christinith .

Well , remember the one in Step Brothers with Pam...

And Pan .

-And Pan . -And it was so funny.

Arnold Palmer alert. Arnold Palmer alert.

Oh , this guy! This guy.

-Christinith's husband is just such a dweeb. -Yeah, absolutely.

Like, you know that she married him on the rebound, right.

I did things in bed with you that I haven't done with anyone since.

Not his personalify, I'm sure.

I can't imagine what else it would be.

-I just figured . . . -I think they have an open relationship.

You know what, I think she got dumped by Allen ,

and , as we all know, it can be so painful that you look for a guy that will never dump you .

And this would be him .

...you get my wife's name right!

"But you can have sex with her."

"You got her name wrong , but you can have sex with her."

Okay. Why don't you come to the kitchen , and I will let you listen to it

and everyone else...

And this is where he puts the move on Mark.

Is that what he was doing , putting the move on Mark?

-Because he talks about his. . . -H is shaved body,

and he reclines on the sofa.

That passed through my mind ,

-but then I dispelled it. -Well , that was my reading .

And I love the idea that she is so mad about something that happened how long ago?

-Ten years. -Yeah .

You're so adorable. Look at your face.

My favorite is when she makes Allen speak here.

"I wuv you ."

This is it.

Mark.

"I'm hairy all over."

Okay, I guess it was a pass.

Shaved .

What would you rather be,

a bear or a dog?

-I don't care. -I wanna be

a bear dog. Half dog, half bear.

'Cause that way, I could Iive in the house

but I still get to make a doodie out in the woods.

-You missed it! -Did I miss that?

You missed that.

Because you were Iaughing so much .

This is police evidence. Terry!

Do you know what was interesting at the movie? I don't know if you noticed .

There was a laugh for everybody.

Somebody would laugh next to me hysterically,

and then Shira would laugh at something different.

And that's why you missed some of the great one-liners,

because people were Iaughing . So you have to see it a couple of times.

Yeah , I can't wait to see it multiple times.

... but she's not hot.

Dude, you're insane.

Good remark, Mother.

No, you really do.

But you do, because you Iose so much when you hear all the laughter in the theater.

...the money you lost.

And I don't care who.

Right. I actually think...

-Look at his eyebrows. -I know.

-I'm so amazed at his eyebrows. -I know.

-He certainly has workable eyebrows. -Lots of facial expressions.

I just want to say, though , does...

What's Mark's name in the movie? It's Allen and...

-Terry. -Terry, yeah .

Does his character ever smile one time?

Only when he said, "Sheila."

-Oh, yeah . -Oh, yeah .

Oh , my God , they came out of nowhere !

-Holy shit! -They chased us 20 miles.

20 miles. They chased them 20 miles. I loVe that.

20 miles. They chased them 20 miles. I loVe that.

-And this is where we were last night. -Oh, I loVe this scene.

This was where the after-after-after party was last night.

This is just pretfy wonderfully bizarre. I loVe this.

Yes, I know.

Somehow, Will manages to sing in every movie.

-Will has a good voice ! -And who knew?

-Yeah . -Who knew?

Who knew?

-He has no formal training? -No!

Remember on Saturday Night Live,

when he did that singing from Altadena, or something.

-Oh, yeah . -He was good !

The first time I ever saw that man move his body and sing was on national TV.

I had no idea.

-I lived with him for. . . -Well , his dad's musical , though .

Yeah .

At high school dances, I'm not even sure he would ever dance.

I just love the Iyrics. Listen to the lyrics.

She promísed to be true

I went to war to come back

And find five British soldiers

Had their way with her

It's kind of true, too.

"Consensual ."

Love the Iyrics.

How about these great Irish characters they pulled out, you know?

Yeah .

Now, this is from Christopher's heritage.

Looks like we're going to Jersey to visit an accounting firm .

That's a shitty day.

Oh , here we go again .

I love this.

And the children all got pink eye

While their Harry Potter...

Again , another Iook of disgust from Mark.

-Yeah , Mark's really got the look down . -Yeah.

So we were there Iast night?

That's where the party was.

-The other party. -No!

Yeah , you weren't there. That was the other party.

The after-after party.

-And that's where they had . . . -It was at this Irish pub?

-Yeah . Big glasses. -Yeah .

-They had big glasses there? -Just as well.

-You would have Ioved it because. . . -I would have had too many big glasses.

You got a real drink of wine there.

This is also very good .

This is so...

You know, Adam didn't tell me that I was invited to an after party.

I thought it was just for the cast and stuff.

Well , you have to ask.

-You know, really, the information . . . -You always have to ask.

There's no information going around .

I mean like, "I'm supposed to be here, but what floor?"

I know. My Iimo driver was so disturbed that I had been dropped at a place

and didn't know where I was going . I said ,

"That's okay. We're going to figure this out."

He was like, "I will not leave."

Yeah , as wonderful as the boys are,

-information is slow to come. -Limited.

I love this line. "These poles are horizontal ."

This is very funny.

It's the code. I'm your partner.

I'm here to support a friend and a work colleague.

Francine, is this guy bothering you?

Who's this, your new boyfriend? Great. You got a new boyfriend .

He is my dance partner, Terry. Okay?

I know that this is a big surprise,

but there are other things in the world besides being a cop. Okay?

Now, if you will excuse me, I'm gonna dance.

And then he calls him a crack addict or something , which is so rude.

-Watch this. -Oh , I love this.

Look at this.

I just can't believe this.

-Do you think this is really Mark dancing? -It's hard to tell.

But, no, I don't.

-I want to think it is. -Not there, it wasn't.

I want to think it's Mark.

The twirls, you don't think...

Well , let's just have him repeat it when we see him .

I heard it when he said it. Thank you .

You know what you're doing to me? You're killing me inside.

And don't eyeball me, man !

You're running around with this crack-dealing drug addict?

Terry!

He does not approve of your behavior!

Can you please go?

And you, too, creepy guy...

I love the fact that Mark Iearned how to do all these things in his life

so he could make fun of other people.

Oh , I love this. This is wonderful .

"A ballet of emotion ."

-I love that Iittle pause. -Pause.

-And it's so perfect. -When he pauses going out the door.

Now that's good direction, you have to say.

Adam has to take credit for that.

But you know what? Because what you get out of that was,

he was thinking about continuing , and then he thought,

"No, I'm being a jerk," and he left.

I think that is what I really like to watch about Will ,

-is that Iittle, tiny nuance. -Tweak.

-Yeah. -I know that Adam works on that with him ,

where he'll do something, and then turn around , and then come back and do

another little piece of business like that.

It's improvisational , really.

-Yeah . -Absolutely.

-What was his. . . -The music here.

I love this.

This is a beautiful shot of the Washington Bridge, isn't it?

-God, I Iove that. -That's a great shot.

I thought they did beautiful shots of New York.

Excuse me. I interrupted you .

No, no. I don't even know what I was going to say.

It's okay.

Oh , I was going to say I thought. . . What was Terry's girlfriend's name?

Francine, or what was it? Oh , no.

-The ballet dancer. -I can't remember.

Didn't she look like the woman in Step Brothers who did the interview?

Pan? Pan?

Was that her?

I don't know if I'm right, but she reminded me of her.

-I can't remember. -She was a great actress.

I just remember that scene vividly.

-Yes. -He couldn't get her name right.

-Look at the eyes! Look at the eyes. -The eyes, I know.

Yeah , that's. . . That's messed up.

Hey, I got you a gift.

-Oh , I love this. I Iove this. -The gift.

I was a Iittle disturbed about the littering part,

when he throws the box out the window, but I do loVe it.

The whole mug thing was so funny.

Look at the happiness on Will's face.

"It's one man giving another man a present."

He says, "I Iike to do things like this."

Will looks so pleased with himself here.

You know, because we!re both in law enforcement.

-Yeah . -Yeah .

-And he has to explain it. -Absolutely, he has to explain it.

Oh , that was painful .

He threw it out the window.

And then the box goes out.

I was like, "Okay, that's a fine, right there."

-Port Authorify's Iike. . . -"Don't do that shit anymore."

...what's so funny about it, though?

'Cause it's the FBI , right? It has the same Iogo...

-Look at the eyes! -I love the way he goes through it again .

... it's just a mug that says "FBI ."

But then at second glance, you're like, "Female Body Inspector"?

Get out of town . This is outrageous...

Shut up !

It almost seems so natural for Mark.

Like he's done that before.

-I love this music. -Look at his nostrils flared , there.

He's just so mad .

-That's a beautiful shot. -Isn't that gorgeous?

Shouldn't we tell Mauch that we're going to check this place out?

I like the way the door changes. Now they have a white door.

I like the way the door changes. Now they have a white door.

Maybe it's just the way it's shot,

but I thought it Iooked Iike one time they put a gray door.

What accounting firm is closed at 11 : 00 a. m . on a Tuesday?

This is a shithole.

"I need an MRI ! I need an MRI ! "

-"Soft tissue damage." -"Soft tissue damage."

I know. I know. "I have soft tissue damage."

I would say that Will is such a good writher. You know, he writhes really well .

And he's laying on his wooden gun .

And he laments well , you know.

...outside of the Death Star,

and it was followed by the explosion , that was bullshit!

Don't you dare badmouth Star Wars! That was all accurate !

I need an MRI .

I need an MRI ! I've got soft tissue damage.

"Tissue damage."

There's no way I don't have soft tissue damage.

That was very funny.

"I want to breastfeed right now."

That must have been extemporaneous.

That was timed .

They didn't wanna kill us, but they wanted to scare us.

Yeah , well, they succeeded , okay?

I'm tired of this. AIl right?

I'm tired of explosions and people pointing guns at me.

I wanna go back to my desk.

Guess what? Life gets Ioud sometimes and messes with your ears.

You can't escape it by hiding at your desk for your whole life.

You know what? Yes, you can . I've done it for years, okay?

"Life gets loud and comes to your door."

Right.

There's no explosions at my home with my plain wife, in my plain house.

What are you afraid of, man?

I'm your partner. You can tell me. What the hell are you hiding from?

H is history in college was a shocker.

I had no idea they were going down this road .

...decided they needed to raise tuition .

A classmate of mine, Brenda, in an effort to raise money and stay in school ,

came up with a nifty plan .

Is there any truth to this, Kay?

Not that I know of.

No, I just know that Will was known for taking his clothes off in college.

Really?

-Still is. -Oh , yeah. Oh, yeah .

He likes to take his clothes off.

One time, there was an all-row party,

I think, for all the all-row fraternity parties.

They talked him into getting on top of a building and doing his naked dance.

And he said , "But, Mom , it was okay. I had a bag over my head ."

He goes, "It was okay because I had a bag over my head ."

Won't disgrace the family with the bag over the head .

I think he had one girlfriend that told him if he got nude again at a party,

that was over.

-And so it was over. -I love the way the costumes work here.

-It's wonderful how. . . -And the glasses...

-It progresses to. . . -It progresses, absolutely.

So we came up with the name "Gator."

I'm telling you, you were a pimp.

No ! Are you even Iistening to the story?

Anyway, one day, I wake up and I look in the mirror...

Oh , this is it,

the final ...

How did they do that?

The gold teeth .

How did they come up with that, with the gold teeth?

You can't have a conscience in the pimp game.

One night, two of my favorite girls,

Candy and Jolene, said , "We gotta take you in ,"

and they dropped me off at the emergency room .

That's where I met Sheila. I was a mess.

I made a promise to myself and to her that I would never get out of control again .

So, as soon as I graduated from college,

I became an accountant for the police department.

The most stable job I could think of.

Gee, I didn't think they had accountants in the police department,

in the cify of New York.

Forensic accountants.

Didn't you hear that story about Adam's cousin?

Is a real life forensic accountant?

In Buenos Aires.

-Yeah . -But we're talking about New York City.

Well , same in New York,

because they go in and investigate crooked things going on with covers.

You know, companies that are covering for illicit actiVities and stuff.

I love her skirt. Look at her skirt.

Look at this great shot of New York there, with the park.

-Isn't it great? -Yeah .

But look at that skirt.

You know, the whole Iook of the movie,

it has such nice production value, as they say.

One of the terms I've learned

from being the mother of...

-But explain this. Yes. -Production Value?

How do I have to explain this?

The overall design and the look of the movie.

-The colors that they use. -Appealing.

I loved her skirt. I just Iove the skirt.

-I love the water with cucumber in it, too. -I do, too.

I think I'm going to do that at my next party.

H uge, giant slices of cucumber.

I assure you, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Riding over here this morning, Chris showed us the building that they used for this shot.

-I guess it's near. . . -Central Park.

-Oh, is that right? -Columbus Circle, yeah .

...of apology, I can offer you my personal courtside seats...

See, now, this guy's character, the Australian guy,

kind of went from being what I thought was the bad guy,

and he kind of went to the good guy side, didn't he?

-Look at this. -I loVe this !

-When they keep getting bribed . -With Brooke. I know!

-Is that Brooke? -Yeah, it's Brooke !

And Tracy Morgan .

Do you know, I haven't seen Brooke since she did Hasfy Pudding at Princeton .

-She was there Iast night. -I know. I didn't see her.

-At the first party. -She looks the same.

That was my only party. Do you need to bring this up again?

She looks the same. She's so beautiful .

-She is beautiful . -She's absolutely gorgeous.

And such a great mom .

And so down-to-earth .

Now this is Jersey Boys. You must see this.

I think the Jersey Boys bribe was okay to take.

The sports thing, they could have dropped .

No more tickets.

Mr. Ershon, I tried to keep them in the waiting room .

That's okay, Susan. Two GIacier waters with Mediterranean limes.

No, no, no. No more water. We're not here for that.

No, I was very much Iooking forward to having a water.

I love that.

That's perfect for his character.

Looking forward to the water.

Wow, what a musical .

Hey. Get over here.

More tickets.

That's not what we're here for.

We're gonna do good cop, bad cop. Okay?

It's the oldest game in the book...

I love this notion of good cop, bad cop.

-You got it? -Yeah .

-I come strong, then you come in . -Right. Got it.

Now you listen to me, you piece of shit.

It's just you and me, and I'm gonna rip you apart!

How did you cover your Iosses up? What drug cartel are you working with now?

Mark just gets so mad when he gets mad .

You wanna talk to me? You wanna talk to me?

Allen , what are you doing? What are you doing? Allen !

I'm gonna make you eat a plate...

So Allen takes it to a whole new level of Violence.

Yeah .

-A rage. -Trash the room .

Absolute rage, yeah .

Now, I wonder, when he threw him down , did he really hurt him?

I saw how aggressive you were being , and I thought,

"Wow."

I'm going to go with no.

"Bad cop, bad cop."

No, I said, "Good cop, bad cop." I'm the bad cop, you're the good cop.

Okay, then there it is. That's it. I thought you said, "Bad cop, bad cop."

"Bad cop, bad cop."

That Iine !

Doesn't that remind you of the joke at the very end , too, about the moose?

"I told you I wasn't a moose."

He said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were a moose."

-It's that same "good cop, bad cop." -Yeah, right.

-Get back. Colombian drug lords. -Where are you getting that from?

Jesus !

Can you imagine where you'd be in your career if you hadn't shot Jeter?

I like that Iine, too.

I think that's great.

-We call this in, right? -Looks like we got all the evidence we need .

I'm sorry, my butterfly.

"My butterfly."

We'll load them up, send them back to go.

N ice little Star Trek addition there, with the zip to the neck.

Now, I wonder where they shot this.

-I hate to say, it Iooks Iike Victorville. -But they were going to Las Vegas.

I know. But did they actually...

Where did they go? San Bernardino?

He says, "We're in the high desert." I think Victorville, Apple Valley.

You know, it Iooks too desert-y, actually.

It's prettier than the high desert.

Chris would know, wouldn't he?

Captain, ít's AIIen Gamble.

Yeah , yeah. Where are you? What's going on?

Captaįn, įt's a long story, but l'm just gonna cut to the chase.

We are in Las Vegas, all right?

-Green screen . -Oh , it's a green screen .

Doesn't look like the high desert.

That's what's so amazing about this movie.

If they use a green screen , you can't tell that that's what it is.

It's done so well .

...did I explicitly say to you , "Lay off Ershon"?

"We've been kidnapped and taken to Las Vegas."

Twice.

Twice. Terry says twice. I agree.

I'm hanging up. I'm done.

I gotta tell you, I started getting a hand for that, a taste for that Pai Gow.

Martin and Fosse, super cops, in three, two...

So, we busted that junkie. Got back 74 thou in diamonds. 74 thou .

Solved the Castien case.

$74, 000? That's all they took?

There's millions of dollars of diamonds in that place.

How about this, Gamble? How about you shut your face?

All right? Just shut it.

-That's Patrick, Will's brother. My other son . -You don't remember that?

You don't remember that?

-No. I know. I'm just telling you girls. -Okay, I was gonna say...

I just wanted you guys to make sure that you see Patrick, my other son .

Did you see my daughter was the boom operator?

-I missed it because I went like this. -Was she really?

She was the boom operator. She was thrilled .

I mean , she was in there for two seconds,

but they gave her a trailer and a make-up person .

-Really? -That's worth it.

Yes, she said, "Mom, it was the most fun thing I've ever done."

From operating the boom, she'd come home and couldn!t use her shoulder to teach .

-Gene, how's the family? -Good , good, Louis, thanks for asking .

-My son's bisexual , so. . . -Tremendous.

That's good .

Gentlemen , do we understand each other?

The powers that be are here.

Guy never comes down here.

Twenty years, I think I've seen that guy in this building one time.

-He's a heavyweight cat, that guy. -He was sitting right here.

Yeah . I think you missed the point. Anyway, look.

Blue and white found your firearms down by the H udson River. Here you go, Terry.

You know what?

I'm gonna hang on to the wooden gun .

-To give me back my real gun? -No.

'Cause I'm gonna give you this.

It's a rape whistle. You blow that if you run into any trouble

and someone with an actual gun will come and help you out.

We were abducted, Captain ! This shit is real ! Ershon's dirty. He's targeting the lottery!

Next, I want you guys to hand in all the evidence you think you have to the SEC.

The financial district's under their jurisdiction .

I think it's so funny that he actually puts the rape whistle on .

With the whistle, he's kind of like, "This is what I'm working with ."

It's probably a step up from the wooden gun .

It used to be a wooden gun .

Was that accidental, or were you trying to quote TLC on purpose?

Okay, I gotta tell you I'm lost on the TLC thing .

It's a group, but I'm not familiar with the lyrics, so...

So, you have to be younger to catch this one.

There are some things that you have to be younger to get.

That went over our heads.

But if you watch it a few times, I think you'll get it.

With the TLC thing, I know that Gene, the captain,

kept saying lyrics from these songs and acting like he didn't know he was,

and they were going , "No, that's TLC." Right?

-Yeah. -So, I don't know. I don't know who TLC is.

What do you even do around here besides interrupt people?

Well , I serve as treasurer to the union .

I make a wicked pot of decaf.

Exactly! You're a worthless piece of shit!

Probably right, Terry. That's why I feel so sad all the time.

I'm gonna go for a walk.

-Bob! -Say something .

Come on ! Bob !

I didn't mean it, all right? I'm upset.

I really like it when he says, "I'm upset." It's out of character.

I really like it when he says, "I'm upset." It's out of character.

-This is such a beautiful scene. -I know.

Actually, we don't do that here. This is an installation art piece.

It's like something I would do.

-"This coffee table"? -Yeah. Right.

He can read ! Congratulations.

-What? -I'm sorry, are you in the right place?

Or not? I'm ...

-Terry. -Does he. . . Okay.

-Well. . . -Sorry. Terry! What are you doing here?

-I want to be with you . -No, Terry, that's not gonna happen .

I Iike that outfit with all of that wonderful jewelry.

Do you think we could still wear something like that?

-No. -I certainly couldn't.

You don't think so?

-With a couple weeks in the gym? -I don't even haVe a dress.

-Couple weeks in the gym? -I don't own a dress.

It's too bad in the days that you could that you didn't.

-If we knew then what we know now. . . -Isn't it the truth?

...our names would be on restroom walls. "For a good time, call so and so."

How for granted I took the bikini , you know?

I took some classes at RISD

so I could make fun of these lame artsy douches in my neighborhood .

This is a good match up. I like it that he's this gruff cop,

and then he's got this very cultural woman he's crazy about.

He's even wearing a T-shirt that says, "I'm gay" !

All right? And also, he is my boss.

Happy for you, man . Good .

Can you get out of here now? I'm talking to my Iady.

Mr. Reger, everything is fine. Terry is actually leaving now.

N ice toot, sailor.

-Did you know that's Horatio Sanz? -No, I did not know that.

Do you remember Horatio from Second City?

Of course I remember Horatio.

He's lost so much weight. He's so good-looking , so handsome.

He always was a handsome young man , but he's now almost unrecognizable...

-He's hot. -He and Adam go way back.

You know, I saw Adam one time in Second City.

-Did you? -I saw the show that they did about

passing your videos.

'Cause they were making a statement about

videos being confiscated by some group

-and redone or something like that. -So, that was one of his shows?

And I think Rachel Dratch was there, and I think I saw...

'Cause Adam is not forgettable. He's this great big man .

Well , you know, we flew out to Chicago to do Second City,

and he lived in some basement apartment with two cents to his name,

and I went up to Second Cify for the show, and they said, my son's in the show,

"Mom , just tell them you're coming to see the show,"

and he said, "Who are you?" And I said , "I'm Adam McKay's mother,"

and they both stopped and they looked and they said, "The Beast has a mother?"

-"The Beast"? -Oh, no !

He's just a big hulking guy, you know?

And he was doing Upright Citizens Brigade. They started that whole group.

And we went to a show that night, and they had four people there,

and they had fold-up chairs with pillows on them .

-Now, of course, Upright Citizens Brigade. . . -Has just really taken off. Absolutely.

The change in character here.

This is painful. It's just so shocking that it's funny.

When he suddenly turns...

I love that dress.

And I went back there, and I pulled open that curtain ...

This whole thing on, "I actually have a dark side that I need to re-explore," is so funny.

...ass up, inflamed , crying .

At that moment, I knew. "Hey, he's no pimp. Pimps don't cry."

Who wrote this song? Did Adam and Chris write this?

Or all three of them?

-Is this the one about the pimps? -Yeah, Pimps Don 't Cry.

They did . I saw the credits at the end , yeah .

-I saw Adam and Will's name. -I think it has potential .

-Maybe it'II be out on a single. -Pimps Don't Cry. That will be a single.

They could make a great video.

Every time you say, "Be safe," it tears me apart.

You gotta let me be who I'm gonna be.

They did .

-They shot a video? -Yeah , that's a great idea.

-Oh, God ! -I know, I love that one.

Oh, God .

He can't conceive of having conceived .

Get out! Get out, AIIen ! Get out!

-Look at her, isn't she gorgeous? -Cleaning up.

Oh , my gosh .

-This is another beautiful scene. -It is.

My favorite building's all lit up.

And Mike and the gang show up.

What are you doing here?

Come here when I have Iady troubles, which means I come here about every night.

What are you doing here?

Sheila and I got into it tonight.

She threw me out.

Well , you're not a cop till your wife throws you out of the house, partner.

Does it bother you that the Castien robbers only took 74 grand in diamonds?

They're junkies. Who cares? I mean ...

I don't know if a junkie can go down a 20-storey zipline, though .

How you fellas doing?

-This is wonderful . -Mike and the gang .

-That is the best. . . Adam's cameo. -This is Adam's great...

Yes.

... in a stranger's car with talk radio playing really loud .

It's gonna be a nice evening .

Well , we're not participating in that. We haVe no interest.

Let me rephrase it.

We got a jar of old mustard , and we got a poodle,

and we're just get in there and we're gonna put some D's in some A's.

-A poodle? -How can they even think of this?

You left a note in that car.

-Police, shithead. -He's a copper. We gotta go. Come on !

Hey! Goose it, boys! They're cops !

It looks Iike a group from the book The Road.

-"Sorry we had sex in your car." -"But it will happen again ."

Fortunately, I know where you're gonna be drinking .

Jack of All Trades. Drinks on me. Come on .

-No, I already have a beer. -No, no, no, no.

I'm talking about doing some serious drinking .

-I love this next scene. Oh , my God . -This is just...

Now, who thought of all the stop-action stuff? Is that Adam?

-I have no idea, but it's so. . . -Great.

-It's just magical, isn't it? -It's just great. I Iove it.

-I like the music, too. Is this Ice-T? -How do they do that?

-Is this who this is? -I don't know. Look at this.

That's Adam. That's Adam with a gun .

Look at that. This technique is absolutely amazing .

Isn't that one of the drivers?

-What, the priest? -Yeah , wasn't he one of the drivers

-of the movie, or is he an actor? -I don't know. I haVe no idea.

That's another nice shot there of New York with the sunset.

Absolutely. That's maybe my favorite action scene, or whatever you'd call it.

-Non-action . -Non-action action scene.

Where they do that stop-action .

-That was so clever. -That was really clever, and I Iiked the music.

-So clever. Yeah . -It was very well done.

... regulate the stock market and corporate fraud .

All these fellows were at the other party last night.

-The one you missed . -I mean , you can really see them .

-It was a smaller group. -Really?

Don't tell my sister that. She'll be so disappointed .

-You all right? -Holy hell !

I'm so sorry.

I got so drunk Iast night.

I think I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food .

-"Astronaut food ." -I love that.

Love that Iine.

You gotta be kidding me. You're Ershon's lawyer.

We're turning over our investigation to you?

Let me assure you there will be no conflict of interest

between me and David Ershon .

And if this were an actual investigation , I would immediately recuse myself.

This is all the evidence we have, and I truly hope you take this seriously.

Yes. Very much so.

Of course, Adam and Will, and probably Chris, as well. I know Adam will .

Adam's really down on this whole corporate bust with bailouts and that.

-So, they always get in their. . . Yeah . -Their little digs.

-I'm like, "Yeah, get them, get them ." -I want to see the end credits.

-With Bernie Madoff. -Yes.

-When he's getting out of jail, how many. . . -How much tax...

-How much tax Goldman Sachs paid . -Did Adam write all that?

I'm sure. I know he and Will are really into...

I know.

-I wanna run that and run it really slowly. -It was interesting.

Yeah , the credits were fabulous.

He still doesn't understand the concept.

I saw that Q&A in LA Iast week, the LA Times Q&A,

and that was one of the questions,

about the subversive messages that are in their movies.

-Subliminal messages. -Yeah.

-Political statements. -Even the beaten-up Prius.

Absolutely, yeah .

You borrow a Iittle jacket, you go?

You take your Iunch 'cause you got big boy pants on?

"Big boy pants ! "

I could say big, Ioud things !

I could be demonstrative !

Will is so adorable, I can't...

You're scaring the shit out of me, man ! Stop it!

Is this how you conduct yourself? In a democracy?

"In a democracy."

I'm so tired of you getting angry and yelling all the time.

Yeah, me, too. I'm tired of him yelling all the time.

Will is showing great depth here.

I feel like I'm partners with the H ulk.

You're not used to seeing this?

It's unusual for him to go from way big to little Iike that.

I thought that was insightful , "You know why I'm so angry all the time?

"Because the harder I try, the worse things get."

That's how many of us feel when we're angry.

Absolutely, I know that feeling .

We have to go.

-But the Captain . -We have to go, Allen .

Mark and Will really play well against each other.

I think so, too. I think it's a great contrast.

-It brings out the best in Will's. . . -I think this is a great premise for a sitcom .

-It brings out the best in Will's. . . -I think this is a great premise for a sitcom .

I do, too.

The buddy cops. Yeah .

-The Other Guys. -Yeah.

Sort of like a new Get Smart or something .

I took an online class at U niversify of Phoenix on negotiating .

I'm gonna need a priest and a bullhorn .

"A priest and a bullhorn ! "

I love that. And then they use the taco truck. The ice cream truck.

The Softee. Mister Softee.

I really didn't think this guy was gonna jump this time.

-I didn't, either. -Can you imagine standing up there,

that funny feeling in your stomach?

Maybe that's another green screen scene.

Will's trying to mention things that might make him want to live.

So, fresh can of soda pop. Not your family or anything .

L'm not gonna lie to you, Don.

People down here are startíng to murmur that you don't have the balls to do it.

-I don't care ! -Yeah.

I say you can do it.

I mean, I don't want you to jump. l'm just saying you have the capability.

Look, he's flying !

Oh , God !

I know. I didn't think they'd really do that again .

That's why they did it. You didn't really think they'd do it again .

Detectives, all your work's done here. You can go.

What about Ershon targeting the lottery?

You know why Ershon was calling down to the lottery offices all those times?

Because he was hooking up with the Powerball girl ,

the one on TV with all the numbered balls.

"The numbered balls."

It was right there in front of you the whole time.

-Can't be. -You guys are getting transferred .

-What? -Traffic.

-This so good . -Yeah.

You're gonna walk a beat downtown .

-It's done. No, no. It's done. -Captain , what are you talking about?

-Save yourselves some gas. -Captain !

Is there an appeal process we can ...

Had to do what you had to do, Captain .

Wow! That hurt.

Do the cops really wear those badges around their necks like that?

-That's an official police car. -Could haVe fooled me.

I always thought they kept them in their pockets and then pulled them out.

"I'm a cop."

The only thing I had to be proud of in my life was being a detective.

He's still got his rape whistle around his neck.

I know. I know. You still got me.

Don't you get it? I don't want you, Allen, okay? I never did .

I told you that scaffolding violation was dogshit.

I can't believe you still doubt me after everything we've seen .

It's a real case, and I'm a real cop. We just got the wrong target for Ershon .

-You carry a rape whistle. -This is real cop work.

I like that they shot this scene there.

You got no gun, no car, no wife, and now you got no partner.

Leave me alone.

And I love this business that they're doing with taking the picture in front of the bull .

-Yes. Yes. -Isn!t it nice?

It is.

-It just makes it so real. Absolutely. -It really captures...

-This is classic. How he evolves. -I love this. Absolutely.

I love the song, anyway, don't you?

And now the Iemonade.

Mark gets better and better at the traffic directing .

The dancing .

Do you Iove it?

Well , you know, he's probably a great dancer in his musical days.

You just don't seem him in these parts.

Some police officers came by and sealed it off.

I like this guy. Wasn't he in something else? Another moVie?

He's so cute. His Iittle bowl cut.

No. Our main client is Lendl Global .

Can I ask what this is about?

I love this, too.

The traffic enforcement person of the month .

-He smiled. That's the first smile. -There we go.

And he gives up the gun so easily.

He's bad cop now.

I never said , "Lock her up."

A guy who does what needs to be done.

A guy who knows how to use his dark side for good.

And then you move to Florida.

Now, who's the narrator?

-Ice-T. -He was there. Did you see him last night?

Yeah, with his darling , amazing-Iooking wife, Coco.

I didn't know who they were, though . But my niece told me.

-She knew. -Yeah .

-You know that age thing . -Yeah .

You get out of the loop.

-Is that a Sylvester Stallone poster? -Yes.

-That's great. -What is Mark doing in this tux?

Where were they here?

Well , he had just come in from somewhere.

I know they rendezvous under the bed , but I couldn't...

Maybe Mark had just been to an art opening .

Maybe an award for being traffic cop.

-I like that one, Pat. That's a good one. -That's why he's got the tux.

Okay.

Now, who in the world would think of putting them under the bed like this

-as if they couldn't be heard . -The place is bugged .

-But not under the bed . -It's a private location .

And have both their feet sticking out.

Yeah, I bet Beaman started asking questions.

-That's why they killed him . -Man .

When he's whispering Iike that, he kind of looks like our oldest grandson .

-Yeah? -Yeah , when he wants to tell us a secret,

and he'll get right in your face and tell you a secret.

I like what I do now. I like working traffic. It's a great gig .

I love this. He's complacent now with his traffic...

Right. He Ioves his traffic job.

I can kind of relate to it, I think.

-He has power at an intersection . -He's secure.

-He gets to do all his moves. -He can perform .

The corner I run on 54th and 3rd Avenue? It hums.

It's Terry's intersection . And the traffic guys? They're good guys.

"They Iove me."

He can pee in the urinal from 20 feet.

You've gotta see it, Allen . You've got to.

God , that's an amazing accomplishment.

-Pee in the urinal from 20 feet. -Isn't it interesting how...

-Only a man could do that. -And how they stay so interested

-in potfy stuff for so long . -Yes, have you noticed that?

Do they ever get out of the potty stage?

-No. -I don't think so.

Actually, when Adam was at Penn State,

he got arrested for peeing behind a pine tree.

-$200. -Oh , my gosh .

-Who would have thought? -Did he get a fine?

-Yes, he did. -We were coming home last night,

and Michael said , "No, I can't have anymore Guinness

"because I can't make it from the second party to the house."

"Because I can't make it from the second party to the house."

And I said , "And Michael, you cannot go on the street in New York."

-I love this scene in Bed Bath and Beyond . -Oh, my God.

-This is so great. -Well , he's paying for his son's education .

He's bisexual .

He says, "Wrong job."

He's running it like the police briefing meeting .

-Yeah . -I loVe him .

-Yeah . -I know.

Gene Mauch to kitchen accessories. Gene Mauch to kitchen accessories.

I gotta go. Go get 'em . Let's be careful out there.

-You like that Iittle skip? -Yeah.

I like to keep the oak together and the maple separately, okay?

And these chopping boards?

Hey, Captain .

Hey, Allen. Hey, how you doing?

What are you doing here? Are you here for the bathmats?

-I need you to be straight with me. -Straight with us.

Hey, Terry. Look at this.

-I thought you were working traffic today. -Let them block the box.

-Besides, partners' code, right? -Thanks.

I guess they stand on a box when they do this traffic thing .

-They do? -Sometimes.

-Gotta be seen when you're performing . -That's true.

Like a milk crate or something?

...and I gotta save what little ass I have Ieft, okay?

You keep hiding from shit in the world ,

and eventually the world comes to your front door.

-Nice. -That's very nice.

I heard it in an episode of Touched By An Angel.

Touched By An Angel.

-My favorite show. -How long ago was that?

-Still on . -Yeah?

In reruns. My daughter watches it all the time.

And you see, we wondered why our sons watched so much TV,

the same movies over and over again , Caddyshack, Meatballs, Stripes.

Did they not watch them over and over...

I really noticed that with the young kids, my granddaughters,

they get a movie that they like, Pearl will watch the same movie.

She'll watch it, like, four times. I don't know why.

I don't remember doing that when I was...

I would have done it if I could have because I loved the moVies so much .

I guess so.

Do you guys remember the movie The Greatest Show on Earth?

Yeah .

U nder the big top and everything? I saved up my money.

I went to see that four times.

You know, in a Iittle Southern town on the hot summer afternoon ,

'cause I memorized everything about that moVie.

And so I would play the same movie over and over again .

That's a good point, Kay. I probably would , too.

And here's a movie you'll have to watch several times,

-'cause there's so many great one-liners. -Absolutely.

And you have to watch it without the crowd Iaughing .

Yeah .

"I love the highlights."

I love the way his character is so slimy.

You know, they're just some people I owe money to who wanted to be here.

"Some people I owe money to."

Like Bernie.

Chechens, is that what he says? Chechens.

Kenya.

-"And the black chaps are. . ." -"From Kenya."

Yes. Yes, I do.

-You're a piece of work. -Thank you .

-Little eyebrow. He's really good . -He's cute, I like him .

We're in the game, we know the score.

The only thing that bugs me is we still don't know who...

-Steve Coogan . -Steve Coogan is cute.

-Adorable. Does his job. -Probably has a headache today.

I have to tell you, I am tremendously excited by this deal .

And I can assure you that every dime of your money

will be invested with the utmost diligence.

Your rates of return are really exciting .

We think our members are gonna be just thrilled .

Yeah . I mean, we've averaged , like, 1 8c!O over the last 1 0 years.

All right. Quiet as a church mouse, in and out.

I can feel that tingling in my balls you were talking about.

Beautiful .

All right, Iisten up.

I am Detective Gamble. This is DetectiVe Hoitz.

We need your cooperation .

David Ershon .

You're under arrest for fraud, embezzlement,

and in connection to the murder of Don Beaman .

This is a bad idea.

Hey, guys.

An 1 8cfo return. God .

When was the last time we heard that?

A long time ago.

Now, you hear that with credit card interest, but...

The biggest percentage I can get is the teacher's credit union

when I do a summer saver for 4% .

-That's good. -Isn't that good? I'm so excited .

But they only let you do it for a year.

You take it out of your check, and you contribute for a year.

Being that we were in education ,

do you think this is something we could recommend to the media center?

-There's so many Iessons. -Economics classes.

Well , you know, economics, anger management values.

Driver education .

Look at that CalPERS, they've invested and lost every state employee's money.

I love that taking the paper and starting the rumble with just the paper.

-Look at the roll . This is so good . -This scene is amazing .

-How the heck did they do that? -Wouldn't you like to do that

one day at school, you know, get to run across everything they give you?

How the heck? I've gotta find out.

-Ask Adam how they did that. -Yeah, I know.

-Almost looks Iike they used a motion thing . -Pulling him along.

So much for quiet as church mice !

Go !

I thought the sound they used for gunshots is interesting, too.

Even I admit that's not very tempting , but I'm not made of tickets, God damn it!

-Get in the front! -How do you start this freaking thing?

Go on ! Go !

-Shit! -Go !

Oh, my...

Jeanie! Get over here ! You , go get the bloody car!

I don't see how Adam edits all this stuff the way he does.

-Look, the car door is now gray. -It's just amazing .

-Yeah , that's really got to be a. . . -Yeah .

I thought the action part of Talladega Nights,

that was just extraordinary, and I just love all the action shots in this movie

and what they've done with them .

Oh , God !

A little cheek bite there.

Oh, no.

"Hold the wheel ."

In the Prius. A huge police chase in the Prius.

This must have been fun for the New Yorkers to watch .

They're gonna kill me. And then they will kill you .

You know, we all have hybrids. Will made sure that we all get hybrid cars.

-Yeah? -Yeah .

He's the first one I ever knew that got a Prius.

-Yeah , Will had an electric car. -He's still got it.

It can only go 43 miles, I think.

-Really? -He can only drive it around town .

Yeah , we bought a hybrid Mariner,

and, you know, it's not that the mileage is so great,

but we decided we wanted to support the technology.

-The green . . . -Yeah .

-Too bad they're expensive, you know? -Look at the decoration in the drink.

-What's the decoration? -It looks like a Iittle umbrella or something ,

-or a piece of fruit. -Yeah. In the water.

Decorated water, again .

Yes, and we know Will Ioves the water with the cucumber.

With cucumber and with the fruit.

It's hard to tell what that is.

...and then forced him onto the ledge.

It was only a matter of time before he fell .

At least we stopped you from getting the pension fund .

Well , but, yeah, but you didn't. It's already in my account.

By 9:00 in the morning , it goes into the Lendl equity fund

and from there it's transferred to a dozen offshore accounts.

By 9: 01 , it's gone.

-Well , what if we stop the transfer? -But you can't. I mean, there's a...

What if we stop the transfer?

You'd have to be at Endemic Bank for 9:00 exactly...

I love Steve. He reminds me a little bit of Dudley Moore.

He does a great job. He's so serious. He's so slimy.

-Absolutely. -But don't you think his character

transforms a bit? Like, he starts out just being kind of a sleazy guy,

and then , turns out he's just trying to make a buck, and he's willing to help out.

He gets more earnest as the movie progresses.

-Yeah . -Yeah .

-Because he's frightened? -I hope not. I thought because he really...

-Really was in it just for the money. -Wants to make a change.

-The epiphany. -What else is new?

All right, go. Go. Be careful .

Okay. Hey, guys, I'm so out of here. Now you can talk about me when I leave.

Oh , Sarah , it was so good to work with you . So good to see you .

If we do talk about you , then you will get to hear it.

-Oh, cool ! -Yeah , right, right, right.

Won't the palm of your hand itch or something if we're talking about you?

And we Iive so close together, we should meet for lunch .

-I know. -Laguna Beach and Fallbrook,

-it's just not that far away. -Well , what would be halfway?

-Corona! -Corona, absolutely.

-Oh , boy. -We'll have a Corona in Corona.

-Yeah, good idea. -Sounds good .

-It was great seeing you guys. -It was good to see you .

-Wonderful movie. -Had a fabulous time.

-We'II miss you . -Wow, that feels good .

Now, this is a great scene,

with the grandmother coming back and forth .

-I know! She did such a good job. -I know!

-Sarah , have a safe trip. -Thanks.

-Bye-bye. -Bye-bye.

-I know, this is so funny. -Her going back and forth across.

And what I Iike about it is...

-The messages that they deliver. -. . .the messages, but the fact

that Eva Mendes is obviously of Hispanic origin ,

-but the mother does not seem to be. -No, she's not. She's...

And I think that is hysterical .

Well , coming out with a walker like that.

Hello, AIIen .

Hello, Mama Ramos. What are you doing out here?

Mama Ramos !

And she's got a Brooklyn accent or something, hasn't she?

-Listen, Iisten . -I know.

From an old lady.

You , you tell your daughter...

He said he'II always Iove you .

And he's so happy that you're having his child .

Allen .

He also says that

he wants you to stare into each other's eyes without blinking while you do it.

I love when we do that, Mom .

I love Eva's response Iike that, so intense and so serious, yeah . Absolutely.

-You say things that are too personal . -Okay, but just one more thing .

She said she Ioves you ,

and wants to hold your hand and have iced tea with you .

-I guess there's something . . . -An iced tea!

-"And she wants an iced tea with you ." -There's something that the public loves

about an older person having real graphic speeches.

She says she wants to unplug all the clocks and the phones

-and have a three-day F marathon . -That!s more like it. Yeah .

She wants to walk wrong for a week...

"Walk wrong for a week."

That's just Iovely.

No more ! He says things I can't say.

It involves a mannequin hand and an electric shaver...

"And a golf club."

-"And a golf club." -That's a...

Is that a reference to something that's recently happened in our culture,

-with a golf club? -I don't know.

Did we miss something? Have we missed something?

About?

AII this activify? Have we missed something in our lives,

-with a golf club? -Certainly never had any entanglement

-with a mannequin hand . -Or a golf club?

Could you turn off the clocks and the TV and everything for three days?

And walk funny for a week?

I could do the turning off the clocks and TVs for three days.

And walk funny for three days?

-She even Iooks beautiful like this. -Yeah.

That's a great scene, holding on to the walker.

I'm gonna break your hip.

Oh , God !

-She's funny. -I love that, where she takes the wig off

and what she does with her hair.

I'm about to do you grandpa-style.

"Grandpa-style."

What is that?

I think it's an age thing .

I asked my husband , he had no idea. He's a grandfather.

I brought some music.

I like the ongoing music thing , too, how they hate each other's music.

-What's he doing . -I don't know.

-With his mouth . -The Mama & the Papas.

-Yeah. Yeah . -Monday Morning.

I wonder who thought of that.

That's Wesley!

It's perfect, though, is it not? For this scene? Yeah .

Yes !

-Where'd you learn to drive like that? -Grand Theft Auto!

When I see something Iike this, I always forget that they're having to act.

-It just seems Iike I'm really watching reality. -It's natural.

Absolutely. But they really have to act to do that.

Hold on, hold on .

And you know what, I never had any idea

-how hard it was to make a movie. . . -God, no.

... until I went to the first set and realized how many people it takes to work on it.

-And it Iooks so easy. -And I get mad when people criticize movies,

-because if you had any idea. . . -They have no idea what went into this

-and how many people work. -Absolutely.

And what they have to go through .

-And the Iong hours. -And the hours are absolutely amazing .

It's just an inordinate process and how it all comes together is kind of a miracle.

It is.

-Look at Will . -Now, this is great.

-This is so funny. -The classroom presentations.

God .

Got a couple of tips, help you guys stay out of jail .

One, try your hardest to not be black or H ispanic.

And the reverse Iogic here.

Hoitz and Gamble have Ershon hostage, high-speed car chase in progress.

-"Pass up the guns." -I loVe that.

-How absurd is that? -"Tasers?"

So they pick somebody to go on a ride-along .

Did you see the Iittle girl in the back of the car being thrown back and forth?

He says, "Oh , they've brought in reinforcements."

Oh , no, he was Iike, "A camera to watch the chase." That's what he thought, yeah .

I just think all these chase scenes and everything have got to be

-totally enchanting to the pre-teenage boys. -Oh, God.

No, I think this will appeal to everybody.

Don't you agree?

I think it definitely has something for everybody.

Watch your head. God, your hair is soft.

-And he feels it. -Who thought of that?

H is hair is soft.

There's cars coming from both directions !

I'm not gonna wreck!

-I'm gonna wreck! You're right! -You want me to drive?

Oh , my gosh .

This stuff is great.

-I love this. Isn't that a great. . . -This is so good .

That's a great trick right there. I love that.

-And Steve's in the back. -"This was a brilliant idea."

And they come down low to look at the parking garage.

Yeah .

They're gone.

Let's go.

-Now they're partners. -Yeah.

They are Nigerians. Yeah , I'd forgotten about them .

-This is a shortcut. -Are you kidding me?

You cannot go down there.

We take the girls down there all the time for their soccer and gymnastics.

It's very close to Will's brother's apartment.

H it him !

-Where are we? -Chelsea Pier.

-The golf. -The idea of using the golf balls...

-To take out. . . -And they...

Using the golf balls to take the helicopter.

"Cheating ."

-Smart. -Yeah .

"H it the chopper."

-God ! The effects ! -Big explosion .

This is Martin and Fosse, en route. Back off! This is our collar!

Golf balls to take down a helicopter.

Look at the kid . Look at the kid in the backseat.

-See, I . . . Yeah. Going from side to side. -Flying...

-There's so much you missed last night. -I know, I missed that, yeah .

"Endemic."

Do not authorize that transfer.

This is David Ershon. The transfer is for him .

He will tell you not to authorize it, okay? Tell him.

-Tell him ! -Yeah , do as they say. Stop the transfer.

Approve it.

Now.

Do not touch anything !

I swear to God I'll blow your head all over this desk.

I like the tension here.

Yeah?

Thank you so much, gentlemen , for the prompt delivery of Mr. Ershon .

I have two competing bids from jilted investors.

They're at 30 million , and holding .

He's adorable.

But computers.

What if, one day, they were in charge?

Now if you don't shut up, I will cut your ear off with a butter knife.

That's blunt. BIunt's worse than if it's sharp.

Now!

Will missed the signal .

Great fight scene.

You just stood there !

I didn't know that "now" meant that. How am I supposed to know that?

-I knew what that meant. -Shut up.

You kill us and you kill Ershon . You're out 30 million dollars.

-Who's got the golden goose now, huh? -Yeah.

"Golden goose."

This was another surprise. I didn't think they'd ever get...

-But they didn't go out the window. -Yeah.

And kill the police.

I just wanna make sure I get it right.

Did you want this transfer approved or not approved?

You , mate, I'm gonna kill just for fun .

Police, don't move! Drop your weapons !

Drop it, or be dropped, homeboy!

I hope you Iike the taste of prison food and penis.

-Hey, hey, you okay? -Hey.

Hey, Gene. Captain. I'm sorry.

-I'm sorry. -That's okay. Don't worry about it.

You can call me Gene when we're not in the office.

Okay. Thanks for coming by.

Attaboy.

Come on , stay with me. Stay with me.

We're losing him ! We're Iosing him ! He's dying !

No. No, no, no, no. I'm just resting . I'm just resting. I was just resting .

"J ust resting ."

Hey, let me tell you something .

As far as paperwork goes, we'll take care of it.

-You know why? -Why?

Ain't too proud to beg .

Come on .

-What? -It's not funny anymore.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I love that gag .

Still nothing. I swear to you .

Is he wearing his apron?

I got a bad knee. Hold on. There you go.

He has the apron, the Bed Bath and Beyond apron, under the jacket.

-I love that. -God.

In his Bed Bath and Beyond ...

Within 24 hours of learning about Ershon 's scheme

and Lendl's massíve losses,

the government issued TARP funds to bail out Lendl.

Lendl is in everything , and we're gonna go everywhere...

They were too bíg to fail.

Ershon now resides įn Palomino Federal Correctional Facility in Florida.

Is there a real Palomino Correctional Facility?

I don't know. I don't know. I just don't travel in that circle. I don't know.

I know about Estill, South Carolina. We have a lot of friends down there.

But Allen's Faceback app was able to get a match to their faces.

Terry married Francine.

I mean , just what you have to do to have this one scene...

-So much work. -I know. It's amazing .

To set the scene and everything .

...but she declined.

Let's be honest, we all wanna be superstars and hotshots.

But guess what?

The people that do the real work, the ones that make the difference,

you don't see them on TV or on the front page.

L'm talking about the day-in, day-outers, the grinders.

Come on, man, you know who l'm talking about...

Perfect. They finally get to be partners. I didn't see this part.

Corporate lobbyists are spending millions

to make sure guys Iike Ershon keep doing what they do.

It's Derek Jeter.

Yeah , it's me. You were set up that night you shot me, Terry.

This is the perfect ending . I don't remember this part, do you?

I'm trying to think.

This is so fabulous.

Now, I've been doing my own investigation on the banking industry,

and I was close. I was real close.

So I forgive you, Terry.

I appreciate that, man. I'm sorry about what happened.

I'm glad you're doing better.

Oh , my God, it's so good .

And the news doesn't say a word about it. 'Cause who owns them?

The same corporations that own the government.

Courts and the Iaw is all we have left.

So here's you guys' next case.

Guy by the name of Carl Bachand , CEO of Killister Bank.

-Derek's good. I think he has a future. -Oh, my God.

So, does that mean we're gonna have a sequel?

-It's perfect. -It's perfect.

-Perfect setup. Absolutely. -Wouldn't that be great?

Hey, Derek! Wait! What if we need to get in touch with you ,

get some more information or some tickets or something?

-"Tickets." -Yeah .

-I like that, too. -I saw that.

-That's a perfect segue into another sequel . -"Powered by. . ." Yeah .

-What was that? -What?

-The ladies Iove him. The Iadies love him . -Absolutely.

They do.

Honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Tell me who you lost your virginity to.

Oh, my God. I've asked my husband that question .

Have you ever asked your husband that question?

-I Iove the peacock. -The peacock. That's absolutely perfect.

-The flying peacock. -Yeah.

-Now, this is. . . I want to really study. . . -How a Ponzi scheme works.

-...all this stuff at the credits. -So you've got to see it again .

And take your friends, yes.

-The Ponzi scheme, that's for Bernie. -Because it's very, very well worked out.

Well , people were standing up last night

-in front of me. -I don't think they expected it.

-I couldn't see it very well . -I don't think they expected this.

No.

No, but, you know, every one of their movies always has goodies at the end .

That's why people should watch it all the way through .

Watch all the credits.

-The TARP. -Yeah .

-"Shovel-ready projects." -See, it's so cleverly done

that you just have to study it.

-Yeah , I have to really do a study on that. -Remind people to stay to the end .

"In planned bonuses." And they research all this stuff.

-See, I don't even know what some of this is. -Bonuses.

Really, yeah. Yeah .

-The golden parachutes. -Yeah.

-"Goldman Sachs." -"Goldman Sachs tax rate," yeah .

-After the bailout. -Yeah , 1 cfc after the bailout.

Look at that.

And I like the graphics here, too.

They're really nice.

And this is the average salary ratio.

I think the music choices were just absolutely fantastic through this movie.

See, we Iike to stay to the end and watch all the credits

-to see the different. . . -Yeah , I always do, too. Yeah .

Last night, especially, I had to stay and watch Patrick Ferrell's name.

Yes.

-And Jessica Elbaum , producer. -So proud .

And the hair people, and Marylou, the dresser.

And I always like to applaud .

-They work so hard . -I know.

-"Stock price." -Yeah.

-Yeah , the difference in. . . Yeah . -Look at the graphic on the bottom .

-"Police department retirement benefit." -The maximum benefit, yeah .

And isn't that clever? The graphics are just so clever.

They all go to Florida.

I Iove this. The year that Bernie Madoff gets out of jail .

-21 59. -. . . 59, yeah .

Who is it, somebody does

how many more days he's got. There's some talk shows and ...

Yeah, this is...

Is Pimps Don 't Cry the only song that they wrote themselves?

I don't know.

-Yeah, right there. -And they wrote the Irish song .

Maybe they'II get residuals from the song .

Right. Maybe they'II do some concerts.

Maybe they could add that to my pension .

Right.

My pitiful pension from the education world .

They can go on tour.

-And we could be backup singers. -That's an idea.

-Maybe not a real good idea, but. . . -For Pimps Don't Cry. The backup singers.

'Cause I can't carry a tune. In fact, Will's father, the musician ,

wouldn't let me sing to Will as a baby 'cause he was afraid I'd mess his ear up.

-Are you serious? -I'm serious.

-I am absolutely serious. -How do you feel about that?

Well , I don't have anymore feelings about it right now, but at the time it was hurtful ,

-I must say. -So you've gotten over it.

-Oh , this is a cute. . . Yeah . -I love this. Yeah .

I hope in the DVD that they put lots of outtakes. I loVe the outtakes.

-It's time to get laid . -Already feels inappropriate.

Is this a real restaurant?

"I know usually you want money, but I don't have any money and it's my birthday.

"Do you think I could have sex with you for this duck?"

-Was he a farmer? -No.

That's probably a Health Code violation , bringing a duck into a place of prostitution .

They weren't gonna have sex with the duck!

No, I just mean Health Code violation

to have the duck brought into a facilify like that.

So, anyway, she says, "Yes, I'll do it."

So he goes in there, gives it to her.

-He gives her what? -The high, hard one! She loves it.

She goes, "You know what? If you do that again , I'll give you your duck back."

-It's like getting Iaid twice for free. -So. . . I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

The duck is payment for...

See, this is Iike something I would do if somebody's telling me a joke.

'Cause I don't get jokes. You have to explain them to me.

He does it again .

-Now he's walking home, right? Walking . . . -So she was satisfied with duck.

-With a duck as currency. . . -Yes.

...to her. Great. Good .

So he's walking home, now he can't wait to get home to tell his father. Right?

He's walking down the street with the duck, and all of a sudden, voom ,

truck comes by and runs over his duck.

-Kills the duck? -Killed the duck.

-So the duck is now dead . -The duck is dead .

The kid starts crying, truck driver stops, he's all upset, he didn't mean ...

Of course he's upset! He's a 1 3-year-old boy who's just had sex, twice,

-and he watched his beloved duck die. -Will you shut up and let me tell the story?

So far, I don't know how this is ever gonna be funny.

The guy feels so bad about killing the duck, he gives him two dollars.

And the kid's happy with the two bucks?

He's ecstatic! He got Iaid twice, and now he's got two dollars on top of it.

Seems like a duck would be worth a lot more than two dollars.

This was a while back. You know what I'm ...

So he goes home, his dad goes, "What happened? What happened?

"Tell me! Tell me!" He goes, "Dad , I got a fuck from the duck,

"I got a duck for the fuck,

"and I got two bucks for a fucked-up duck! "

So it's Iike a Iimerick.

You didn't think that was funny?

I thought it was entertaining at the end, sure,

the way all the words were put together,

but in terms of content?

No.

I love that.

Get the check-check from Shen-Shen . Let's get out of here.

In fact, Will speaks Chinese.

You have to Iove the crack-ups, I know.

-I know. I Iove that. I Iove that. -That was so good .

I hope everybody stays to the end to see that.