Original subtitles

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good evening and welcome to our

wonderful viewers at

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home i actually think that sounds really

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good those real things are what elevates

this i can feel it all of it

you comfy

[Music]

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a thousand thundering thrills await me

amazing

ins of the species is more that lives in

the

mail shock shock horror shock shock

horror i'll shout myself for your

superal

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[Applause]

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miss miss you you you stepped over the

line yeah I know you stepped over it's

Miz oh okay sorry Miz i meant to what

step over right yeah no I figured you

did the the way you did it and all kind

of deliberate like you're you're not

supposed to do that yeah I know that's

why I tried it

why to see what would happen oh well me

i suppose

me yeah no I mean I'm what happens i'm

supposed to come over like I've done and

and ask you to take a step back so so

could you please if someone doesn't then

what you're you're not going to step

back no

i mean yes I probably will but just for

interest sake what would you do if uh

Jeez I don't know i I've never had

anyone not step back before you know I

I've only said it like four times and

every time they've done it they've

stepped back yo what if I'm your

first non-stepper i mean then what

oh hell i'm off in like 10 minutes i'd

probably just stand here and make sure

you didn't touch anything really yeah

i'd let the next shift talk to you kick

you out or whatever you wouldn't like

grab me or anything or No god no no

that's that's a total hassle no you'd

probably end up rolling around on the

ground you know or or you'd sue the

place or me and then and then I would

get fired for doing my job screw that

so uh could you do that for me oh

which roll around on the ground or sue

you no uh step back behind the line

there i'd appreciate it no not really no

really i definitely appreciate it no I

mean not really i'm not going to

well I thought you said you probably

will yeah probably i decided not to

oh hell you're not going to mess up my

weekend with this now are you i mean I

wasn't planning on it but I'm not

totally against it either right yeah see

if you go all crazy then I got to write

up a report and I'm here till 6:00 6:30

easy and I have this second job I got to

get to what tonight Friday night yeah

it's right after this it's the video

store why would anyone have two jobs on

a Friday

oh that's where I've seen you in there

you helped me once I think

you're right that's funny huh anyway you

helped me that was nice thanks but

you're not going to return the favor

right oh you mean with the uh Yeah no

sorry i can't no

why is that though you know it's a

pretty good sized sculpture you can see

it fine from like here truthfully huh

i'm building up my nerve and I think if

I step back over I'll probably be a big

wuss about it and like take off about

what the the wuss part I mean well I was

going to deface the statue

oh wait is that paint

great uh paint's not really the best

thing to have in a museum they they

definitely take that the wrong way yeah

well how do they know which way to take

it well I would say outside is the

general direction they'd steer you with

spray paint why do you have that well I

was going to do something to the nude

mess it up or Yeah like color it in or

whatever i mean I was thinking of

painting a big dick on it but whatever

oh well you could still color it in the

the dick true might look kind of weird i

don't know i I think a graffiti penis is

plenty out already

so what right over the leaves just there

or a free floaty number i mean probably

anatomically correct i mean if you're

going to do it why not do it right

exactly yeah

and would why be completely out of the

question here why the dick yeah you know

since I basically have to jump you now

if you lift that can up it'll uh it'll

help with my report

because I don't like art that isn't true

true what do you mean false art i hate

that yeah no I understand the words that

you use there it's just they're both

pretty subjective you know truth art

exactly that's the beauty of art it's

subjective right yeah but I I I don't

know what you're referring to i mean

specifically didn't Oscar Wild say

something like in art there is no such

thing as a universal truth or whatever

yes very good a truth in art is that

whose contradictory is also true right

but that's an aesthetic i'm talking

about practicality censorship this

sculpture it's fake it's not real

therefore false art no no it's it's a

fornicelli i read it here on the thingy

one yeah yeah but the leaf cluster isn't

it's not no well what is it then a pasty

like strippers have no it's plaster it

would have added by a committee who had

complaints from local towns people

really uh-huh yeah they made a petition

and got that put on thereby removing its

subjectivity as art i didn't know that

when did they do this oh like seven or

eight years ago now I think before I got

here anyway see they objected to his

thing the shape of it they said it was

too lifelike it's supposed to be God you

know that's what pisses him off yeah

he's not really supposed to have one of

those is he no

and I don't know why we're always

calling him the creator

see there right behind the grapes you

can just see his uh his grapes

absolutely yeah you're right they didn't

even cover him properly huh shoddy

craftsmanship well if you're going to do

it why not do it you're right exactly

yeah

but why deface the thing i mean you know

just out of curiosity here why not say

knock the plaster off and expose his

cluster you know if you're trying to

because that's so expected oh so you're

a student then or is this just basic

anarchy yeah student oh yeah well me too

yeah what's your emphasis well taking

out school loans primarily

but I do sit in on a few English classes

you're in art yeah ma applied theory and

crit oh so this is like a project then

oh no i'm just getting started on my

thesis project now a big sort of

installation thingy ah thingy that's a

That's a good word huh yeah it is anyway

this is only a pet peeve so Oh wait

thesis so you're graduating in May okay

i'm only a junior huh you seem older

yeah well I am you know older than 20 i

worked a couple years made money not

enough though still got two jobs yeah

don't forget the school loans right so

basically you're [ __ ] yeah but I'm

educated so I comprehend that I'm [ __ ]

you're

cute i don't like the way you wear your

hair thank you

i think no you're definitely cute but

you shouldn't style it so much your hair

you should just let it go oh yeah sure

i'll try that

[Laughter]

your relief's late yeah typical huh so

do you have to stay at your station

until they spell you or what oh no at

Punch Out time I'm supposed to get down

there and do it they can really be

pricks about that well you better go

then

yeah I am

can I call you

what do you want to call me

well just up for now you know maybe get

crazy take you to dinner and

Yeah okay sure

really

yeah do they allow you to do that here

what eat dinner i meant hit on the

patrons oh no no they they've got a

really strict policy about that but you

know I'll I'll take the risk

good answer grasshopper

huh kung Fu on TV do you remember when

he was a kid the old guy with the faky

contact lenses and like the hair yeah

grasshopper yeah i don't really watch

much television oh my brothers love that

show oh

so do you want a number or absolutely

yes

uh uh I don't have a pen

me either

here give me your jacket what your

jacket just take it off for a second

actually it's supposed to be a blazer

what it's supposed to be a blazer it's

my own it's It's not part of the uniform

it's mine oh good then you'll always

have it on you by the looks of it

don't worry it dries quick oh thanks

anyway um you know good luck with the uh

it was nice to meet you again yeah you

too

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we're so late come on we're so late

we're

so 2 minutes late how do you know you

got to go really yeah i got to go home

you want to watch my day

do you know when I watch where they're

going no seriously you have yeah no

question well I don't know i still think

I look No no you can definitely tell you

can really definitely plus the hair i

bet your friends say something 20 bucks

oh 20 bucks huh mhm i mean I don't see

it so you know I think Well that's just

because you see you every day shower

getting dressed that kind of thing yeah

so do you I don't see you shower or

getting dressed oh no no i mean every

day you know at least so far since we

first i know i'm kidding oh

okay well I I would like that though if

if you would which well both anything

either any moment that I can get with

you that is what I would like well ask

and you shall receive well so I'm asking

then so you shall be receiving then

PDA uh public display of affection i'm

I'm not really used to that no I don't

mind really no whose business is it

anyway ours right kiss if we want to

make love in a bathroom stall who cares

well I'd start with the administration

yeah but why should they i mean we're

two adults we can like vote i think this

is a bigger discussion than before Jenny

and whatever i'm going to want to have

it the discussion i mean I agree

somewhat it's just a another time we'll

definitely discuss it another time i'd

rather do it though

shall I go find a men's room yeah okay

you amaze me i'm glad and you amaze me

you do look at you oh it's just a little

jogging no it's not it's not just that

you're running you're eating better are

you still lifting yeah i mean I didn't

today oh that's okay no no I'm going to

so so yeah it's it's like a whole

routine thingy

do you like doing it

honestly I totally hate it so why would

you well because you suggested it which

is kind of pathetic but true no you

shouldn't do something you don't want to

do yes you should of course if it's for

someone

it's a life change really i gave you a

couple ideas and you're changing your

entire life i'm very proud of you thank

you Henry again oh no no nothing it's

book it's play actually so Oh right not

the one we're seeing though is it no no

we're seeing Ma oh sure yeah

i read this as an undergrad i like it oh

you like Ma huh should I be nervous no

not too much i mean not unless we have

kids

so are you still keeping your journal it

really does help yeah will you let me

read it uh maybe

good

so

uh what about you what about me well

that's just it i don't know what i I

don't really know anything about you yes

you do no I don't not really

what's my name

evelyn and where am I from uh Illinois

near Chicago yes and how old am I 25

maybe that's exactly right almost 26

sign uh Gemini I think the twins yes hey

does that mean you have split

personalities no it means I was born in

June

and And you're an artist right uh a

sculpturous yes anything else you want

to know yes everything so ask them

okay well why are you always asking me

questions if it's no big deal because

you make me curious i'm a very curious

person yeah I'm curious too though like

I said so ask them

okay why do you like me

what

i mean why do you like me i'm I'm I'm

not anything and you you are so Hey hey

don't do that okay

that is the only thing about you I don't

like what you see in yourself or don't

see your insecurities

do you like me

of course you know I do and do I appear

to like you huh yeah it seems that way i

do like you and do you think I'm smart i

think you're amazing

and you have a great ass just thought

you should know not part of my query but

thank you you're welcome oh no sorry

and do I seem to know my own mind i mean

generally no question so don't you trust

me then to know how I feel yeah yeah no

you're right yeah look

don't worry about why when what is right

in front of you those are pretty wise

words for someone with such a great ass

kiss me grasshopper

pdf

i don't think anybody wants to watch a

kiss and we're about to eat huh yeah uh

Evelyn this is Philip and his fianceé

Jenny nice to meet

you i learned so much about you how are

you i'm good how are you yeah good you

yeah good you yeah good yeah great sorry

no I'm so sorry it's okay

so uh we should go eat before the show

oh yeah hey Adam what's up with you you

lost weight oh yeah maybe a bit no he's

cut his hair or something that's it

right well it's both actually so yeah

okay so let's come

on my last

20 i'd appreciate your input

[Music]

you and me baby ain't nothing but So

let's do it like they do on the

Discovery

[Music]

Channel love the kind you clean up with

the mop and bucket cheers hello

[Music]

wait wait wait so so tell me this again

you're going to what underwater we're

going to get married underwater

you got to be kidding me it's like those

life magazine photos you see or whatever

seriously is that like a Midwest thing

or Oh no we wanted to try something bold

well that ought to do it wait wait wait

so if we wanted to attend we'd have to

get in the tank with us you bet no no

honey i I thought we said we haven't

okay no we haven't settled that part

completely but my dad could never do

that i mean my mom would try she would

but Dad no maybe people could watch from

the glass window things or whatever but

I'd prefer if they came in with us that

is nuts really well I applaud you i

think it's very Well don't expect my

buddy here to follow in our footsteps

he's the least adventurous person I know

oh really yeah absolutely and the whole

marriage thing uh-uh it's just not going

to happen i'm sorry i don't know how

many nights I listen to this guy say "Oh

no not me man i'm never getting hooked."

No way man is that right well well hey

don't encourage him my roommate here

doesn't need it former roommate doesn't

need any more encouragement

anyway can you imagine me i'm going to

look stupid in one of those wets suits

oh no

don't Let's be a party pooper here my

friend

this could have been yours oh I know i

know right wait I'm lost what's this

i've stole Jenny away from Adam oh come

on i did didn't I no no no you didn't

stop adam and I had a class together but

he never got up the nerve to ask me out

is that true something like that four

months we sat next to each other i'm

borrowing his pen like all the time hint

hint and he's this total monk the whole

semester anyway Phil picks him up from

class one day sees me and we went to the

mini golf that same night yeah I cannot

tell a lie i've got the moves god help

me god help all of us well like I said I

think it's great it's really amazing it

is to find anybody willing to take a

risk today to look a little silly or

different or anything so bravo

to people with balls

balls huh oh yeah jenny that's my Jenny

oh no no I have guts that kind of thing

i got you to balls long may they

wave i I tell you what took some balls

you know that museum thing a few weeks

back with

the balls did you guys hear about that i

mean Adam of course you did you were

supposed to be guarding it but Evelyn

did you hear about it the penis

yes I did why are we whispering because

we don't say penis in Jenny's house but

we're at my place now so we sing it from

the eaves penis

peanut okay bar's closing last call no

no no seriously do you believe that [ __ ]

somebody with the gall to do that kind

of [ __ ] on our campus i mean it

[ __ ] burns me up well I'm an artist

so I didn't really Oh you know what

maybe we should i mean this isn't

Berkeley what does that mean anyway i'm

an artist it means nothing really just

that I understand the impulse what

evelyn let's get going i think no wait

adam I want to hear what impulse it's

called vandalism does anyone want

dessert no hold on this is rich go ahead

just that i don't think it was just kids

playing i I think it was a sort of

statement a kind of statement yeah I do

yeah what sort of statement would that

be it was pornography

no it wasn't yes it was no but

pornography is meant to titilate to

excite you did you see a picture of what

happened we did does a penis excite you

i mean just any old penis of course

you're funny that's not the point it's

totally the point what about you Jenny

did you like what you saw did it get you

hot this is like just uncalled for okay

all she said was I know what she said

why don't you let her speak

did you want to say anything else huh

okay then all I'm saying is that in my

opinion it wasn't pornography it was a

statement of course that's the beauty of

statements like art they're subjective

you and I can think completely different

things and we can both be right unless

and this is highly probable you just

can't stand to lose an argument dude

[Music]

wow the postgraduate mind at work uh

Jenny I hope you get the art i don't

think that makes it a statement it was

graffiti what do you mean it would be a

huge statement especially for a town

like this hey some of us are from a town

like this so maybe you should watch it

oh we've all got to be from somewhere

right what do you mean by that i mean

it's a tiny college town in the middle

of nowhere one you chose presumably no

it chose me actually full scholarship so

as I was saying you've got a real

winning way did you know that hey Phil

let's just drop Take back the night

rally did you find a rat Adam

let's burn our

brains hillary can I finish please jesus

you're really the obnoxious type do you

know that how long did you have to

stomach this [ __ ] anyhow who knows

what the person meant by it we don't but

I think it was a gesture a kind of

manifesto if you will i don't think a

person's dick can be a manifesto uh-uh i

mean you could write a manifesto on your

thing but your thing can't be one sure i

read that somewhere you're just trying

to be like a man i'm not trying to be

anything who the hell do you think you

are if you double dates you're telling

me anything about who I am it's

unfucking believable no no this is

getting too much you can really pick

them Adam wow man let's just drop it

you're not going to take his side in

this are you no I'm not taking sides i

would just like to leave with an ounce

of dignity and I have a test tomorrow

anyway a statement she said well just

shut the [ __ ] up all right just [ __ ]

right off how would you know i think she

was making one so that's my opinion uh

Jenny thanks for dinner Phil we'll call

you or whatever but we're going to get

going yeah how do you know it was a girl

i don't I never said it was a woman girl

woman whatever you said she how do you

know that i don't i just said it was a

guess like what it was where it was

placed an educated guess

you are not is she taking a poke at my

being an undergrad adam tell me she

didn't just stop now please stop let's

go hey artiste how do you know it was a

woman who painted the car car very very

suspicious there god you are such a

prick wow man how do you go on day after

day huh adam are you coming

yes yeah you just uh you you go ahead

i'll I'll meet you downstairs okay jenny

you're very sweet good

luck good luck hey [ __ ]

you where in the hell did you meet that

[ __ ] at the museum what did she give

you a haircut and a [ __ ] and now

you're her puppy no I'm not her

puppy you don't have to

go jenny the wedding it It sounds great

really

um

yeah oh my god they're kissing again

what i'm thankful for your love my

baby well I follow you to help

her baby tell me to stop and get out i'm

going to pull out my knife and rip his

throat right out for your love oh

baby with me zombies down

nice

yeah yeah yeah

her bodies are really beginning to

understand one another oh yeah you're

right

just like getting a rhythm and Oh and

less inhibited

yep

[Music]

hello really enjoy themselves in the

audience tonight

were you always like this before so you

know like shy well just about the fact

that no one would ever sleep with me oh

come on what i'm serious you're like I

don't know the third person I've ever

Yes and they were both in high school so

you're you're sort of in uncharted

waters here well I don't want to blow

your cover but I could kind of tell yeah

well that's

okay nobody here at school no you know a

few dates close calls but no one ever

really like Jenny

no

are you sorry you didn't ask her out i

mean if I wasn't in the equation of

course no no not Not really we we we we

just never got the right whatever anyway

it's kind of weird to talk about hey

it's okay it's nice to see every so

often someone gallant

which is medieval for loser

i want to tell you something okay and

and and and this isn't because we've

been sleeping together or because you

mentioned another girl it's not

but okay I I can't stop thinking about

you okay and and it's not like a stalker

situation yet

but you know I'm I'm finding myself

hanging outside your classes following

you i had noticed yeah I figured yeah

you know taking my jacket off 30 times a

day looking at your number staring at it

wondering if you're looking at

mine writing your name in anything all

over my books in my food seriously

tracing your name in whatever I'm eating

i am so

whipped you are dangerously close to

owning

me wow

yeah i just signed my relationship death

warrant didn't I no it's sweet no

no no

were you nervous earlier i mean about us

with the video nah

not really

i a bit yeah sure yeah let's just not

watch it okay do we have to do that no

of course not not if you don't want to

no yeah i don't think I could get into

that why not it's fun i don't think I

need to see myself doing that you know

doing stuff see I'm totally different i

think everyone should see themselves

doing it and I think their friends

should see it too

and that is why the tape is staying at

my place stop being so frightened of

everything i'm not I'm not frightened i

I just don't think that's a thing other

people need to see ever my ass what

people like who phil oh no you can show

Phil are you nuts why is he your friend

do we have to go over this i just don't

get it well what what's to get you know

we were roommates we occasionally hang

out and have a drink yeah I just don't

think you need that kind of person in

your life no one does i think it's a

little early to start dictating who my

friends are

yeah I suppose

well he really got under your skin

didn't he under over around i hate that

kind of guy what kind that kind whatever

kind he is that's what I hate i'll let

him know no god no don't give him the

satisfaction he'd take it too believe me

i don't know maybe it'll help him be

better the only thing that would help

him is a [ __ ] knife through his

throat

[Music]

um okay i'm glad I don't have a pet

rabbit or anything right now oh come on

you know what I mean no not really i

just

I I've been around his type that's all

and I don't like him right no big deal

just Yeah no it was the knife through

the throat part that was the big deal

yeah but that's just an expression from

where transylvania no from the Scorn

Girls handbook ah page 666 you've been

peeking you know what happens to peakers

don't you uh no but I'm sure you're

going to tell me yeah but you have to do

me a favor first

what's that

just

smile smile into the camera for as long

as you

[Music]

can let me be

careful how much do I love

you well multiply your love by

infinity picture a vision of beauty as

we dance by the light of the moon your

passion so often consumes me like the

lick of a native tongue too reality is

ours to create fantasy is ours to mold

dream my love dream of my body and soul

[Music]

question okay and after

[Music]

Thanks for coming i appreciate it ah of

course how's it going yeah you know okay

right lots to do for a wedding oh I'll

bet invitations to get out arrangements

to make air tanks to fill that too

oh so you guys are really going through

with that then well that's what we're

saying what do you mean saying no we are

it's It's what we're doing jenny what is

it i don't know i'm you know worried

worried about what what do you think

Philillip he's just I don't know being

funny well funny how like telling jokes

funny or Hannibal Lecter funny no no

Hannibal yet just funny odd like nice

nice yeah you

know sweet now I love him and all i do

you know that but that's not the word I

would use to describe him to people

sweet i wouldn't exactly use his name

and sweet in the same short story and

that's what's bugging me but why though

what if he's just I've only seen him

like this once before maybe twice

definitely once when we were first going

out and he was seeing somebody else too

i mean I mean it was over mostly but he

was still seeing her do you remember

that yeah the uh the other Jenny exactly

i call and I could hear him freeze up

stop for a moment if he answered and I

said "Hey it's Jenny."

He didn't know what to do so we get all

sort of sweet and fish around slowly

until he figured out if it was her Jenny

or me Jenny god I used to hate that well

do you know anyone else named Jenny

right now no it's not the name so much

as the feeling that sense that there's

someone else nah and maybe I'm making it

up you know just my own insecurities and

looking for a reason not to dive in take

the plunge jump off the deep end stop me

before I

But yeah and that might be it it might

but I don't think so i want to get

married i do and I love the guy whether

he's sweet or not i just don't believe

him now that he's Well you got me really

you don't know anything you haven't felt

that or I only see him like once a week

in class now no I just forget but I

would tell you Jenny I I would really

well yeah I think so you know it's a

pretty lousy thing to pass on to a

person you know if I did know something

and then told you you'd more likely hate

me forever than be grateful yeah that's

probably true um you could lie feel free

no you're probably right well that

doesn't exactly make me want to come

clean then not that I have anything to

come clean about i don't really it's

just whatever anyway I would tell you

okay I would because you know I think

you're pretty amazing if truth be told

and you're almost married so why

shouldn't it be the truth I mean

thank you welcome anyway that's all I

know which is nothing okay okay I'm just

being stupid and hey if you feel it it's

not stupid

you're a lovely person Jeez lovely you

might as well call me nice and get it

over with hey lovely is nice I wish

there were a few more lovely people in

the world i I mean it you are and

getting cuter by the day oh god

what is this girl doing to you oh a lot

believe me

she's amazing

adam what what

adam are those contacts oh yeah contacts

oh my

god this from the former tape round the

nose thingy champion oh come on you got

to admit okay yeah you know it's good i

feel better better you're like this

totally hot guy now i mean I always

thought you were handsome anyway but I

never would have put you in for the

whole makeover thing yeah me too who

knew apparently she did oh you are still

seeing her aren't you oh yeah yeah hey

hey you don't hold a grudge do you you

know everything she said that night oh

no no it was great truthfully it was

phillip needed to hear every word of

that and he did too hear it i mean even

said something after you guys left that

night i mean not an embittance of guilt

exactly but as close to one as he likely

to hear from that guy really well what

did he say i'm amazed as was I he put on

quite a show yeah they both did i

remember right but later he said

something like he could do worse

it's not exactly a seal of approval no

but a lot for him and after what she

said no yeah you're right hey her middle

name is not Jenny or anything is it no

it's an Evelyn Anne Thompson it's nice

right eat

what eat those are her initials the

acronyms are her names e A T hey that's

cute oh god you're a goner i know i know

it's pathetic right yeah somewhat but

lovely oh god not that word again lovely

what is this what what the heck is this

what did you stop biting your nails oh

yeah for like a month now oh don't tell

me what she She put some crap on my

nails slapped them out of my mouth a few

times that was it you have nails this is

crazy it's really no big deal no ever

since I've known you 3 years now your

fingers have looked like raw meat anyway

awful and now you just quit

this girl is the Messiah uh excuse me

i've quit before for like an hour

I love this woman yeah me too

no

you really tell me if you knew something

yeah yeah no I would okay

damn where'd you get so cute

oh [ __ ]

uh oh what was that about uh uh I I I

don't know i'm not sure look I'm sorry

no no no no don't be i'm the one with

the ring on yeah good point my friend's

ring thanks for reminding me i'm sorry

oh god dang it no no no no no listen it

wasn't because of my worries or whatever

how I feel about Philillip right now it

wasn't cuz it just happened right

i've wanted to do that for a long time

three years me too

and

now we go down to the beach and we bury

it don't we

yeah yeah definitely i I guess yeah

i mean don't you think I mean we have to

don't we wait wait what are we even

talking about here no no no no of of

course we

do don't you want to

bury it

yeah or

Well do you have a shovel in your car i

I don't know but I have my car

well my my bike's right there so is it

locked up yes uh-huh well then it should

be fine if if if we were to go to the

beach

it's a small town after all that's what

people say good people right come on we

should go bury this at the beach at the

beach

[Music]

heat heat

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

hey

girls hey boys superstar DJs here we

go hey

girls hey boys superstar DJs here we go

here we go hey girls hey girls hey

boys djs here we go here we go

[Music]

what time did they say like 10:30 well

it's 10:50 now no big deal you always

wait at the doctor's office yeah I know

i just have to be at work by 12:00 today

yeah I told you that no you didn't yeah

I did i I always work Wednesdays really

yep every Wednesday oh damn i hope they

uh No no it's okay i I guess I could be

a little late if I have to are you sure

yeah i mean they they hate it but I

guess I could make something up no no no

we can go no it's all right okay i want

to do this who wouldn't want to get

their nose chopped off oh come on it's

not that bad i'm kidding i'm kidding i I

think you're right about it it's just

shaving it

yeah that's much better shaving your

nose off that really settles the nerves

you're only talking to them anyway

that's all yeah I know it's just weird

to think people do it all the time

especially around here well yeah i just

never imagined myself as one of those

people you know yeah well I'm one of

those people would you ever have

expected that you are not [ __ ] take

a look

well I can't see anything exactly

you had your nose done honestly at 16 my

parents' birthday present thoughtful no

I asked for it i had this horrible hook

thing and wait wait wait you really had

your nose done i I can't believe it well

that's the idea isn't it

well yeah you could be lying to me and

what would be the point in that well to

get me here to watch chunks of my flesh

torn away you could be a sadist for all

I know hey quit sweetalking me

well they did an amazing job

we don't have to stay here Adam it's not

No no no it's okay it It just makes me a

little jumpy it's cosmetic it's not

corrective it's no big deal i promise

well if it's cosmetic why can't I just

put some powder on it or you know shade

it in on one side like they do for

Richard Gear in photos you mean Richard

Gear before

he had it done take a look at American

Jigalow and then any picture of him

today i'm serious lots of guys do it

yeah I suppose so i think you'll look

great you have a good face a nice shape

to your nose actually but it's just got

that bit of like like bulb at the end or

not bulb exactly but like No no no i

know what you mean it's kind of like the

uh the Rudolph effect at

least I can guide your sleigh tonight oh

sorry uh

you can guide my sleigh any night huh

pda indeed should I go check the men's

room i dare you shut up i'm serious

you're crazy quite possibly i still dare

you

okay wait what if they call us well then

they'll just have to wait won't they i

just Well yeah i suppose they would can

you afford to be late though that is the

question will you take the risk

hey is this like my last meal you know

conjugal visit before I'm drawn and

quartered stop being so morbid it's just

flesh yeah just flesh that's not morbid

at all well it's not it's one of the

most perfect substances on Earth natural

beautiful think about it i'd rather not

oh come on you've been more skin off

from around your fingernails than a

doctor would ever trim off your nose

it's true yeah but that's the same thing

well I mean that would grow back and

this doesn't but that's about the only

difference

how did you get that scar on your back

what the the raised one yeah well a kid

threw a stick at me first grade stitches

yeah 33 and is that terrible are you

disfigured because of it well I don't

like to wear tank tops and you should be

respected for that hey I'm serious it

kind of bugs me yeah but why because you

think it's uglier or because you think

other people will think it's ugly which

I don't know what's the matter with

scars not a thing

come here what come here look at these

what are those they're scars lots of

little scars you never noticed them

before well yeah but I I didn't think

anything sure you did of course you

would they're on my wrist you know what

they are

well did you try to Oh no no no no i

mean I I I cut myself a little i I tried

to get attention when I was a teenager

but I didn't want to slip my veins open

or I would have oh

i'm a very straightforward person

yeah no I'm getting that it's the only

way to be why lie you're right i know so

is my arm unattractive to you then

because of those or not tell me are you

lying no not at all i I love your arm

love is a big word yeah I know that that

That's why I used it i I don't throw it

around believe me neither do I

i love your

arm it's beautiful

they're like rings on a tree they

signify experience they make us unique

yeah no one can see that that's all this

is the idea of you having some surgery

it's just an experience oh I know it

just makes me a bit what nervous of

course it should make you nervous why

not it's something you've never done

before but that's the adventure

it's a far far better thing I do than I

have ever done

something like that is that from a book

dickens huh well I don't know about

better but at least different

so are you going to go check what you

mean in the men's room uh-huh 20 bucks

says you don't

okay wait seriously though what if they

call us what if they do i just I I smell

trouble which I may not be able to do

after this just go okay why not hey hey

then I can show you something

what well just a little thing I had done

for you wait what show me

now oh

God oh

nice right

eat

oh let me guess you couldn't afford to

eat me no no you goof it's your initials

you like it i

do and I love the gesture oh well love

is a big word i know that's why I used

it go check the restroom i'm suddenly

very hungry

okay

Mr sorenson adam Sorenson

[Music]

please who's going to teach you how to

dance who's going to show you how to

fly who's going to call you on the lame

dope smoking slacking little sucker you

are

[Music]

who's going to get you from

behind who's going to ring your little

bell who's going to con you about

no I'm serious it looks good oh shut up

don't get here late and then make fun of

me no you look distinguished

phil I look like a hockey player yeah

but a distinguished one what'd you do

anyway i fell come on what seriously I

did you sound like a battered wife i

fell oh that is not funny yeah it is

it's very funny i mean it's not funny

that wives get beat up but the fact that

you look like one that I find hilarious

yeah well that's what happened okay i I

tripped i fell it's no big deal you sure

it wasn't the bathroom door that's the

usual excuse oh you are sick somewhat

yeah but I'm nicel lookinging which

makes up for a lot

not as much as you think don't hate me

because I'm beautiful i don't i just

hate you

see I knew you did all these years you

really fell

yeah you know I I tripped going up the

stairs into my apartment and caught my

face on the You know that No what come

on it's It's really not that fascinating

it is too it's completely fascinating so

you don't want to tell me then right

tell you what what happened to I told

you okay i I tripped going into

the And I caught it on the edge of

the you know the edge yeah it's the edge

of that i'm a little hazy on here the

doororknob my doorork knob she clocked

you on didn't she who who the artist

formerly known as Evelyn or whatever her

name is oh you are nuts well I got to

hand it to her she certainly made a

statement oh you're such an idiot see

she hit you stop i don't care if she did

i'm just asking yeah well you can be

annoying it's one of my best qualities

actually yeah and you don't have many of

them you really tripped truthfully

yes

okay

huh why do you do that huh what what you

don't believe me no I just Nothing no

not nothing Phil what is it it's no

big I saw your girlfriend the other day

maybe what last Thursday you weren't in

class and I said to her I asked her if

you were okay that's all yeah so and she

said yes but you were recovering from an

operation or

something what that's what I said he

didn't tell me about anything and she

said well it wasn't an operation per se

just something you had done

the

procedure and that was it so I just

thought No no I didn't hey you don't

have to tell me we're not on intimate

terms or anything i heard it really

whatever no not whatever Phil i did you

know I Okay I I banged it up pretty bad

at home and so I I I had a doctor look

at it but but he didn't operate or

anything the the bandage is from that

from you know the the door after you

tripped on the stairs yeah you told me

yeah well Evelyn must have gotten

confused maybe that doesn't seem to

happen to her very often though does it

she's pretty sharp yeah no she is maybe

it was the way I explained it to her

right so

uh where'd you see her who evelyn yeah

oh I don't know starbucks somewhere the

mall maybe well she doesn't drink coffee

all right so it was downtown then record

City I think what are you worried I'm

going to steal her believe me oh no god

no don't be

so

anyway it's going to be fine well that's

good to hear

yeah so you're okay though

yeah no I'm great absolutely yeah

good then you tell me if anything was

seriously wrong

of course why what's up well we're

friends right i mean you've come to me

about what Phil what is it jenny told

me Jenny told you what she kissed

you oh um she felt shitty i guess I

could tell for like a week something was

going on and then finally she told me

about it you know how you guys met up

and you talked about us why do girls

always have to talk about

everything and later she leaned over and

she kissed you that's what she told me

yeah no she did she did do that yes but

but it was nothing hey it wasn't nothing

she's a good kisser hell of a kisser

uh no yeah you No it it wasn't nothing

it It just meant nothing it didn't It

didn't hold any meaning for us it just

happened okay yeah so you can speak for

her then oh no no god no it It didn't

hold any meaning for me it just Wait

that's all she said don't tell me

there's more no god no phil it's all

right i've been acting weird

lately it's this whole marriage

idea it's freaky so it's my fault

right i mean who gets married at 24

these days right it's not the Middle

Ages for Christ's sakes

i just feel bad you know for her

why kissing you it's hideous

it's what those new age dumb shits would

call a desperate cry for

help i'm

sorry it's all

right it's better than me having to kiss

you no good point there was no tongue

right jesus i'm just asking phil please

um

uh I'm going to go work out

so you and the What is going on with

this whole metamorphosis thing here

you're like Frankenstein uh you mean

Frankenstein's monster frankenstein was

the

doctor

ah don't be such an English lip prick

i am an English lip prick i know it

doesn't mean you have to sound like one

does it doctor monster oh whatever

what's up with that what you know it it

feels good how much weight have you lost

well not that much 10 lbs maybe i'd say

more like 15 yeah maybe the hair thing

going no glasses now oh it's just a few

little Hey it's the new

you plus the nails i mean Jenny told me

that it's the one thing I just cannot

believe yeah well it's a life change

[Laughter]

uh please don't make me

throw it's It's not just this casual

thing you know the quitting yeah no I

know that yeah i'm complimenting you

yeah it's good it's good all right you

look good i can see why she kissed you

hell I might even kiss you with a few

drinks at me i'll run home and hide the

liquor no please i'll help you

nothing else happened right i mean

between you and Jenny what i No I I

don't really want to i'm not looking for

a speech or

anything just an answer she said no just

so you don't think I'm laying a trap

here or whatever no no I don't think

Nobody saw you on campus or anything

there was no lifeguard out by the dunes

you know so what's that supposed to mean

i'm just saying I'll believe you

whatever you tell me i've got no

witnesses so nothing happened Phil

truthfully it's not what she said

that's not true are you sure

you're right it's not true hey a man's

got to try uhhuh yeah

it's not that I want out of it or

anything i love scuba diving

as do we all exactly

i'm just not sure I want to share my air

tank with the same person the rest of my

life

but hey that's my

problem i got to get to class yeah oh

well take care

sorry for the you know crazy [ __ ] yeah

no it's okay don't kiss my girlfriend

anymore all right yeah I know you got it

see you mhm no we should do something

again maybe the four of us

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well if you

guys want to just let us know

so long Romeo hey knock it

off hey Adam where's your old

jacket what okay this is too much the

cord jacket the school teacher looking

thing actually it was supposed to be a

blazer uh-huh and this um Tommy

Hilfigerish job i mean where'd you come

up with that the mall i bought it you

bought some clothes

well you went out on the bike to the

mall and actually bought Evelyn drove me

actually so what's the big deal the deal

is this you've had that frumpy looking

[ __ ] for like 3 years probably more

i've never seen you out of it ever

midland California dead of summer

whatever you've got that coat on i mean

and now you're all just like "Oh

yeah oh

yeah oh yeah." Okay i bought all the old

stars and stripes here with Avallet i

mean that is like a sailing slicker it's

their yachtsman line

i am going to puke here i swear to God I

did not just hear you use the word

yachtsman

hey she likes it okay it's reversible

well isn't that just neat mhm and and

Peachy Keen and whatever other little

house on the prairieish [ __ ] you want to

spout okay what I want to know is do you

like it it's okay that's not what I said

i asked do you like it it's fine it's a

code let me ask you did you get to keep

the core job or did she make you toss it

i I threw it out okay goodwill actually

goodwill actually it's really no big

thing dude don't just say it's no big

thing i begged you to throw out that

blazer thank you our freshman year okay

you have lost us both a lot of dates

with that thing on

you've had it since like birth okay so

just do me a little favor here and let's

not pretend that the jacket and the uh

weight and the Johnny Bravo hair are no

big thing because when it comes to

routine you used to be like Mr goddamn

Rogers phil it's a [ __ ] jacket okay

so so so just lay off and go to

class

uh-huh fine fine i just hope the next

time we pass each other I recognize who

the hell you are oh yeah well if not

maybe you and Evelyn can go on down to

Record City and have a little chat huh

hey I wouldn't get too deep into the

moral issues during this particular

conversation okay Romeo i may have a big

[ __ ] mouth but at least I keep it to

myself oh you think yeah yeah you want

some of this yeah let's go some of this

you want some

so

long matey

she's the

world lady

and you everything's good yeah you know

okay oh that's good to hear you yeah

pretty good you know just studying and

working on my art right you've got a a

big thing you're doing what do you call

it a thesis project for my degree well

that's terrific yeah the showing's in a

couple weeks actually and it's it's

going well so what is it again oh I

never said oh well that's why right it's

like this um sculpture thingy oh thingy

that's That's one of Adam's words well

you ought to know

i love the arts

really yeah

yeah you know just going to the movies

and stuff i mean we don't get so many

here you have to drive into the city for

any of the new releases but I see a lot

of videos phil watches them constantly

yeah and what kind does he like oh a

bunch but more artsy ones than I do um

aliens

Stargate oh oh the 12 monkeys is that

right or were there 10 of them uh yeah

yeah no it was 12 yeah a dozen monkeys

altogether anyway that kind of sci-fi

but but with some meaning too and action

that's great i hate sci-fi me too but

but what about you what kind do you like

Jenny oh uh any I don't mind but I

usually like at least some romance in

that's always nice yeah romance is

always

nice especially when you least expect it

you know

you know I I was going to say I I think

what you've done with Adam it's really

great yeah and what have I done well you

know he's he's changed that's right he's

changed no that's that's what I mean

he's done the work you know oh no i

didn't mean that you've changed no no no

i know i just I just meant that he did

it you know right that's what they

always say though isn't it what and who

are they well you know like like in

Cosmo when when you have those tests

asking you what you like to change about

your guy oh now you're going to get all

scientific on me and hey it's true

though right almost everybody I've gone

out with if you could alter just one

thing or or even get them to stop

wearing sunglasses on top of their head

all of the time then they'd be perfect

it's it's that sort of deal isn't it

it's something like that or it could

just be that I care about him phil's got

like six of those one things but it's

the same idea right and how is old Phil

he's Phil six things away from being

amazing

hey Evelyn do you want to Hey hi Jenny

hey hello

i didn't know you two were No no no i

invited her oh well that's all right

then i liked your new jacket huh phil

told me about it uh thanks yeah it's new

and your nose god are you okay yeah no

it was nothing hey falling down is not

nothing

looks okay though baby you fell yes uh

anyway anyway pull up some floor i got

us a black coffee here oh thanks

you don't drink coffee oh I'm not it's

decaf well that's still coffee right

good point so I drink coffee then i just

don't like the caffeine me either really

you don't like caffeine either Jenny did

you know that too Adam that Jenny

doesn't like caffeine no I did not see

there is so much you don't know

jenny was just saying that she thinks

you're great i mean doing great things

with yourself well yeah well thanks

Jenny oh you're welcome i just He thinks

you're just about perfect now don't you

Jen i didn't say that so he's not

perfect then i mean obviously his motor

control is a bit off if he fell but No I

just said that you guys no no no it's

true i'm exaggerating she said and I

paraphrase he's changed but she implied

for the better oh well yes I agree and

and thanks again Jenny welcome i think

you've changed too Adam oh yeah a lot

how so well you know it's obvious i mean

all the minor things are pretty obvious

but in subtler ways as well like you've

gotten cuter and stronger and more

confident uhhuh and craftier

craftier huh apparently so

that spill you he took must have done it

i'm I'm sorry am I missing something

yeah I'm not sure evelyn what's up

nothing not a thing i mean you knew

about him hurting himself didn't you oh

Phil said you had a big bandage on so I

I just figured Jenny I saw it i'm

kidding oh I I couldn't tell sometimes

it's hard to read me know when I'm

joking yeah very hard it is yeah

but I am joking i mean Adam had a bad

fall and smashed his nose but he's okay

now see it's healed well don't you think

do you guys want a salad i'm I'm hungry

oh I'm fine jenny you hungry or i'm okay

you're No

how much weight have you lost

well not that much £21

i peaked is that all right i peaked his

journal a record of his progress he's

keeping 21 as of last Friday yeah really

that's so cool cosmo story in the making

huh

yeah no it's good i've been keeping at

it yeah no she knows adam Shy said

you've changed and I already agreed so

we're past that

okay i'm lost you're in there too Jenny

where his journal i mean it's a veiled

entry but I think it's you what it peaks

twice you're right there next to someone

known as cute waitress why is that no

Jenny you're not you think about a

meeting and a drive after and you're

cute little vdub wait what are you

saying Jenny there is You know what it

It's getting pretty late i should

probably get going no wait don't go

evelyn why are you doing this i'm just

having coffee decaf i need to go i just

want to talk about the kiss why can't we

do that

we should just put it out there i I'm

very open and I just feel This is

inappropriate okay did you tell her no

no no no no no he didn't no Philip did

we met he told me all about it Jenny at

least what you told him the rest I got

from Love Boy's diary adam no no she's

making that up am I yes and set the

record straight i don't want to do this

right now seems a touch late for that

philip told you about our talk when What

else did he tell you a lots of things

he's a very chatty guy when you wind him

up i don't believe it well you're never

going to believe the rest of this so

basically what happened hey you're angry

at me all right but this is not the time

guys we're just talking look people need

to share more that's how this stuff

happens this covert stuff because we

hide it fine fine fine you want to go

ahead adam wrote something in his

journal obviously and I told Phil what

you want to hear

we kissed

i

Oh no no i'm so sorry i've confused you

no no no no i knew that no i meant about

my kiss with Phillip that's the part I

wanted to talk about with you guys i

didn't make that clear or

What that's [ __ ] no it's not it's

getting even

unless you guys have something else to

tell me meaning the drive we didn't go

on we didn't meet Phil no he would have

told me apparently not so you know

I'm I'm I'm going I'm I'm going now okay

you guys are still going to come to my

showing right philip said you would

so hey

I don't know why I'm

back i guess I came back to say I'm

sorry i'm sorry if if I've offended you

in some way or or done something to make

you so indifferent to me cold or or

whatever and I don't mean what's

happened i don't because I think you've

been this way the whole time I've known

you so so sorry I'm not an artsy person

or or cool enough i'm sorry about that

but in terms of just being a person like

an actual average type person I'm I'm

pretty okay i am no matter how many

[ __ ] monkeys there are in that movie

are not

okay came out kind of bad

okay

that was horrible oh I don't know i

could have told her about the [ __ ] I

gave him

i'm kidding no listen what what you did

was shitty and awful and just plain

wrong as opposed to you two sneaking off

and making out where does that fall on

the bad behavior list Adam no you had no

right to do that to make her feel that

way she has a boyfriend who's [ __ ] now

she knows hell she already knew it was

still wrong to treat her like that and

me oh yeah let's talk about you go ahead

you seem raring to go are you going to

tell me about the rest of your date or

should I okay she called me all right

asked if we could get together and talk

about Phil and And then you made out

most natural thing in the world

i was going to say something i was It It

just happened no that was Hitler's

excuse try another

i made a mistake okay I I know that and

how big was that mistake Adam look I

don't care about what happened i don't i

just want the truth i told you about

what I did you think I wanted to kiss

Phil i only did it for the effect but I

am asking you what else went on i

deserve to know

nothing you're sticking with that yes

even if I tell you I know something else

went on well how could you it It didn't

and I didn't put any drive in my journal

that was a lie it was a bluff

because I could sense

it and the waitress was there

i'm telling the truth about Jenny i mean

I don't believe him well then we'll just

have to leave it at that won't we oh I'm

glad to hear about your trip see you

next fall that is a bad joke it's a

worse lie

what was I going to tell them huh uh the

truth oh come

on i even took [ __ ] about my new jacket

okay it's all anyone ever says to me

anymore what's up with you what's What's

going on i couldn't exactly spread it

around about what I've done you fell yes

what are we doing here

i don't know you tell me man

i don't know i I really don't are you

tired of me is that it no no god I just

don't get it Adam like I don't want to

sound oldfashioned here but you're a

step away from [ __ ] around on me no I

would never do that no you would never

do it with her and that's mostly because

she wouldn't i know the type she needed

a shoulder well what the hell why not a

kiss while she's at it and maybe a quick

hand job but she's not going to screw

you and you probably couldn't even get

it up anyway because he's your best pal

but tell me this if it hadn't been her

had it been say the cute waitress from

the other night you didn't think I

caught that did you the chatty chat and

the extra three bucks on the tip that

was nothing it's never anything until

it's something

if it had been her instead out on that

drive we didn't go in any drive

if it had been her instead then what

just ask yourself oh Jesus next you're

going to ask me if the handkerchief with

the strawberries on it is I don't get

that reference doesn't matter okay I do

it's

okay

evelyn can we

just I just want to know where we stand

and I thought I could trust you so you

can she's your friend's fiance

Adam i'm your

girlfriend where's the trust in that

i'll do anything you want okay i look I

I know what I did was wrong i do you

know I I made a mistake okay but I've

never done that before you know lie to a

person I was going out with [ __ ] i

didn't even go out with anyone for two

years before we met okay

so so so just tell me what to do and

I'll do it okay

i just don't want to lose you you sure

about that

yes yes yes i'm so sure i

I love you

i told you love's a big word and I'm

using

it i do

completely

anything I

say

anything give them up as friends

both of them no explanation don't see

them or speak to them again not ever

what that is what I want that is the

proof to me about how you feel

that's one should always be careful when

asking to be put to a test

jesus Christ so what's it going to be

Adam

and if I

don't pretty much like how these things

end i mean in life at least if this were

a movie I'd probably see the light

eventually and come running back into

your arms

but but no such luck

final answer

i choose you

good answer Grasshopper

[Music]

what i don't

know i live a

life that's working for

me what I

respect you just can't

see what you expect

i'll never

[Music]

be that's how I

[Music]

live i take what you

give cuz I love

Oh Adam

hey how you doing

hey Phil how's it going you know okay so

what you don't take my calls now oh no

no i No I just been It's okay i

understand the whole thing no I I've

just been busy with work and stuff yeah

whatever no seriously i

Anyway I should uh should probably take

a seat so I'll see you hold on hey

where's the fire well I just want a good

spot

so where is Jenny funny

what man come on we broke up broke it

off whatever you knew that what no wait

when like two weeks ago right

after you know and I'm sorry about all

that i was pissed off but there was no

call for that eye for an eye [ __ ] yeah

no it's okay

i wait but you and you and Jenny I can't

believe that believe it she came over

one day right after seeing you guys I

guess and that was it ring off she took

her CDs back and

gone listen

um I'm

sorry come on no hard feelings I mean I

was looking to get out you know that

just once you start making those

decisions you know like picking out

napkins and [ __ ] It's almost just easier

to do the thing

you did me a favor really i'm too young

to get hitched

i don't know what to say

don't worry about it

you haven't seen her lately have you

Jenny i mean no okay

anyway this ought to be good huh oh yeah

hey Jenny adam hi

hello hi Phil hey

uh listen uh I'm I'm sorry to hear about

you guys i'm just boy you can't keep

anything to yourself can you what you

You never change that's what

Oh Phil you really don't need sunglasses

at night

[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ]

[ __ ] hey [ __ ] what was that all about uh

I mean it's it's not like totally

official

yet oh

[ __ ] what are you going to do

uh anyway I should probably take a seat

so yeah should we sit together or uh I

think there's two over there

you know what maybe maybe we should

um maybe we

should got it

but

whatever take care

man sorry squeeze in here thank you

love you thank you thank you

good evening

you okay thank you you okay there yeah

you wouldn't move

well thank you for coming out tonight

it's uh it's very cold and rainy and I'm

sure this is not how most of you would

choose to spend your time away from

campus um on

campus so uh I promise to make this

presentation as quick and painless as

possible and and get you back home as

swiftly as I can the accompanying visual

portion of this graduate thesis project

is currently under review but will

hopefully be available in the exhibition

gallery down the hall for your perusal

next week so if you don't stay tonight

for punching cookies uh please stop by

and take a look at your

convenience okay that's the boring stuff

my task here tonight is to unveil my

semester's work explain it and then

smile and shake hands leaving a few of

you to examine it grade it

etc in essence be at your

mercy here at

mercy which is fine since I realize I

have been my entire academic life at

someone's mercy that

is which reaches back to when I was five

so be it that's the system and one

person can't change it but perhaps they

can make you question that system and

your values just a little thus my rather

um dramatic presentation at this

time oh I almost forgot um and this is

fairly personal i I probably shouldn't

even do it but it really is the capper

to my time here at Mercy so please

indulge me i was given an engagement

ring two days ago and I I haven't

answered the guy yet so I wanted to do

it this evening

here it

goes this is a beautiful stone and an

amazing gesture on your part for many

reasons by the time I'm through here I

promise that you'll have your answer my

graduate adviser gave me this advice

five months ago strive to make art that

change the

world pretty wise words I thought at the

time and so being a good little student

that's what I set out to do as I looked

around my world for something to change

I knew I'd been given a tall order

change the world so I decided to do the

next best thing which was change

someone's world i mean that's a start

right one person changes then another

then another then another and well you

get

it and with that in mind I present you

this my newest work

it is a human sculpture upon which I've

worked these past 18 weeks and of whom

I'm very proud i cannot legally name him

tonight as he hasn't yet signed a waiver

for the various items on display in the

visual portion but it's a small college

in a smaller town so you've got a pretty

decent chance at guessing who it is in

fact I've done all I could to be as

visible as possible with him this year

i'm more of a stay-at-home person myself

since I felt that was an important

aspect of his unique

transformation the piece itself him is

untitled since I think I I I hope that

it will mean something different to each

of you and frankly anyone who sees

it his own name however is quite

apppropo

this is a before picture that I had a

classmate take of us near the Pizza Hut

out by the highway that was our first

official encounter after he asked me out

at his place of work a big no no or so I

was told and it was here that I coaxed

him into eating his first vegetarian

meal well as vegetarian as a spinach and

mushroom calzone can be he also had a

salad

and sorry everyone

anyway he told me that for him it was a

huge deal and it does mark the beginning

of my systematic makeover or sculpting

if you will of my two very pliable

materials of

choice the human flesh and the human

will are you still with me

you're very quiet

okay the exhibit itself will give you

many firsthand examples of my efforts

some hands-on such as videotapes or

sound recordings of our conversations

and others more scientific in nature as

in growth charts x-rays and accompanying

data as you can see from this photo

however oh god the hair the glasses the

excessive amount of weight offered a

number of physical areas that made him

unique and perfect for this project a

short list of alterations I've induced

would include eating better and losing

weight some 25 pounds or more an

exercise regimen that included both

cardiovascular work and weight training

the purchase of contact lenses a

complete change in hairstyles and

significant wardrobe alterations as well

he even tattooed his body for me without

asking in a highly questionable place

now these are surface items to be sure

but if I in fact tell you I'm going

through with it and marrying the guy you

probably all shake my hand and say "Wow

how the hell can I do that to my

boyfriend?"

Right yeah

[Applause]

but this I'm afraid was was not done out

of love or caring or

concern this was a simple matter of can

I instill x amount of change in this

creature using only manipulation as my

pallet knife i made sure that nothing

was ever forced during our sessions or

sittings together i can't really say

they were dates not on my part although

the illusion of dating was imperative

and that his free will was always at the

forefront of each

decision i coaxed i made suggestions i

created the illusion of interest and

desire but I never said you must do this

any questions

yet um you may be asking yourselves well

did she at least tell

him of course not no I couldn't not

until tonight or he really wouldn't be a

piece of art he'd be a jilted lover

spurned fiance etc but he is so much

more than that

he's my

creation and I know it'll be easy for

many of you to condemn my actions as

harsh inhumane or just unrealistic as

you drive or walk home tonight but how

many here can say that they have never

looked at a significant other and/or a

business associate and said "They're

perfect they're great except for just

one thing."

Well I too have taken my base materials

and honed them into something new

something unique and in the eyes and

standards of society something arguably

improved

but with the artist's ruthless pursuit

of

truth and historical disregard for rule

and law I've gone a step further

i found that with the right coaxing of

my

materials yes coaxing often of a sexual

nature I'll

admit I was able to hone the inside of

my sculpture as well as the

surface i found myself suddenly creating

strong moral ambiguity where I had

detected only the slightest traces

before often in direct proportion to the

amount of external change

this means as my subject became

handsomemer and firmer and more

confident his actions became more and

more

questionable against medical advice he

had work done to his face cosmetic

surgery at age 22 and insisted to those

around him he had merely fallen

down he also started to deceive his

friends and myself with greater abandon

during this period whilst showing

increased interest in other women

indeed he had relations with his best

friend's fiance and continues to harbor

details about the incident from us to

this day moreover he was willing to give

up those friends when asked walk away

without any further explanation leading

me to an assumption of further

wrongdoing with the young woman in

question and as stated earlier this is

false as stated earlier as stated

earlier these universal corrections

culminated in an offer of marriage to me

this coming from a confirmed albeit

young bachelor now I call this act

morally questionable because it seems to

be motivated in my mind at least as much

out of guilt as genuine feelings for

me he has

then as I see

it been utterly and totally refashioned

as a person

as my grandfather used to

say he's a real piece of

work and

yet open any fashion

magazine turn on any television program

and the world will tell you he's only

gotten more

interesting more

desirable more

normal in a

word

better he is a living breathing example

of our

obsession with the surface of

things the shape of

them not bad huh

and

ladies he is

available this was a startling and

unexpected gesture but obviously I can't

accept so I

just You can examine the setting in

stone further when it's placed in the

exhibit as for me I have no regrets no

feelings of remorse for my actions the

manufactured emotions none of it

i have always stood by the simple and

single conceit that I am an artist only

that I follow in a long tradition of

artists who believe that there is no

such concept as religion or

government community or even

family there is only art

art that must be

created whatever the cost

sorry excuse

me now some of you will have a different

opinion

feel

differently and I welcome

that difference is

good

great vital

even and with that in

mind I present you with my untitled

sculpture and supporting materials

tonight thank you

[Music]

we fast got the out the bank got Steve

outside count for full pack and

everything's cool and

everything i walk up to the I give her

the letter she gives me the [ __ ] up

not a big modern art crowd then I guess

huh

hey I'm glad you stopped by yeah well I

didn't really have any roles to go i

can't exactly show my face on campus so

seemed logical

look Adam don't look out of me okay or I

might not make it through

this just refer to me as it or

untitled it'll give us both some

perspective here

that'll shoot some piece of data off to

[ __ ] now huh

doesn't matter

now do what you

like you're finished

you're finished

jeez most people just say "Hey sorry

can't marry you." And they say it in

private that might have been a bit too

far oh [ __ ] evelyn you're way beyond far

you're in danger of hitting Uranus and I

mean the planet see you're still funny

just stop all

right i was never funny or or

good-looking or clever i was nothing

until you started [ __ ] around with me

okay

nothing you know what i was absolutely

fine with that

look I know this is a lot for you to

take in and everything uhhuh yeah I got

a real Gregor Sansa thing going on right

now doesn't matter okay I do

look I know my work relied on me not

telling you what was going on here in a

small town we just call it lying i did

lie to you yeah yeah just a bit yeah I

am a very straightforward person i had

to say that i'm sorry oh you're sorry oh

oh well that's good i thought I was

going to have to work really hard to get

one of those out of you no no no i'm not

sorry i mean not for what I've done i

just I feel bad that you're so upset i

see like I think I even thought maybe

you could handle it really otherwise I

wouldn't have invited you here tonight

yeah just me and 200 of my closest

friends you had them you don't have any

friends

you gave up the only friends I've known

you to have you gave them up pretty

easily jeez don't hold back at all say

it exactly how you see it i just want to

keep it as truthful as possible that'll

be different you're so angry Evelyn what

do you want me to say you mess with my

life and and you put it under a [ __ ]

glass that might make anyone a touch

angry yeah what did I do wrong seriously

no screw you yeah you have screwed me a

lot do you want to watch it there's a

cassette just in there

you are seriously [ __ ] up i mean it

yeah what was so bad tell me from your

perspective i'm not going to give you

your last little thrill okay [ __ ] that

listen to your mouth Adam you never used

to talk like that you're going to take

credit for that too now huh i know you

picked that up all on your own cute guys

always have potty mouths they think it

makes them cuter oh yeah well how cute

do you think this one is then [ __ ] you

you heartless

[ __ ] so tell me then go ahead you feel

that way about me you can tell me what I

did wrong if I did something wrong wait

you don't see any of this as wrong i

said you tell me i want to know what you

think I did

you honestly have no concept here say it

no no you know what i don't have time

i'm not going to stand to it exercising

or was it the new clothes that really

bugged you everything I did made you a

more desirable person Adam people began

to notice you take interest i watched

them oh well lucky me i got to be a part

of your installation thing you are my

installation

thingy look if you hadn't have been here

tonight hadn't heard all of this

wouldn't you still be happy wedding at

home for me hoping it went well wanting

to make love no that's not the point yes

it is it's the total

point everything we did was real for you

therefore it was real it wasn't real for

me therefore it wasn't real it's all

subjective Adam everything no it's not

not love not cruelty of course they are

well I'll tell you something real

i should sue your ass you could i did

take that yeah you're right you did and

you're crazy if you think I'm going to

let you put all this [ __ ] on display our

time

together oh but you'd love that wouldn't

you yeah if I got a lawyer involved and

then and then we'd fight this out in

public all the way to the Supreme Court

or higher Jerry Springer

you should be proud of this well most of

it oh just save it okay

what is this doing here it was only four

bucks at the Goodwill yeah why would you

buy this just so I'd have it what all of

you

fine you know what can't get any worse

you get off on showing people my old

socks and scuzzy sheets go for it i

don't get off on it Adam fruit of the

looms mean that much to you have a feel

good adam this is my work i I'll give

back whatever you want as soon as I get

my grade whatever i will

well the ring would be nice

it was my

grandma's i'll take care of it

good

hard feelings or

me

nah we had some fun right fell in love

and all that

hey but that's subjective exactly

well you got yourself a

grade column enter two in the school

paper

congrats

really but do me a favor and don't fool

yourself into thinking this is art okay

it's a sick [ __ ] joke but it's not

art is that right yeah pretty much yeah

you know when Picasso took a [ __ ] he

didn't call it a sculpture he knew the

difference that's what made him Picasso

and if I'm wrong about that I mean if I

totally missed the [ __ ] point here

and somehow puking up your own shitty

little neurosis all over people's laps

is actually art then you ought to

realize there's a price to it

all

okay somebody always pays for people

like

you and if you can't see that I mean I

mean if you really can't see at least

that much then then you're about 2 in

away from using babies to make

lampshades and calling it furniture

i guess I'm done

wow

so you're saying I should be a better

person is that a nutshell yeah better

like uh you

no just

better anybody can be provocative or

shocking you know stand up in class and

take a

piss paint yourselves blue and and run

naked through the church screaming out

the names of the people you slept with

is that art or did you just forget to

take your meds

it doesn't matter if you call it art if

you have nothing to

say and you

don't just want attention

well we'll just have to agree to

disagree then won't we yes we will we

will definitely do that

don't forget what Oscar Wild said he

always had something to say didn't he

yes he did all art is quite

useless he said that

huh i thought you were going to go with

um insincerity and treachery seems

somehow inseparable from the artistic

temperament that's a good one too right

yeah it is damn wish I'd said that

don't worry about it look how he ended

up yeah penniles alone and in prison

everything I wish for you

tell me one thing though

yeah of course

was any of it true

no not really no not the things that we

did or the kind words or whatever but

any of it any of you any thing about

you you know the the nose job or your

middle name

are you even 25 22 i I just I I skipped

a couple grades okay

and the scars are those were a different

project

wow

okay gemini at least pisces sorry yeah

hey don't worry about

it it's

art right

yes it is

a

and now for my next trick

what's that

i'm going to win you back Adam

[ __ ] you Evelyn i am just watch we'll be

together again within a year i promise

that will never happen ever oh please i

know you no you don't yes I

do you want to bet 20 bucks

unfucking believable

well I better get going i think the dean

wants a word with me

i got some explaining to do what's that

from nothing i love Lucy uhhuh

television that other great art form

yeah are you coming or

No

I'm Well don't

worry not going to mess with your stuff

no spray paint i understand just um just

take your time thanks

the door locks if you just close it oh

does it good

that one time huh

we were in bed together and you leaned

over you whispered something in my ear

do you remember i remember everything

and I whispered back to you i said that

I I remember

i meant that

i did

[Music]

oh hey

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

a thousand thundering thrills await me

facing in the minds of the law greatly

the female of the species is more that

lives in the

male shock shock horror shock shock

horror i'll shout myself for your

supernatural boss the female of the spec

shees live in the moon

[Music]

oh

she c

[Music]

She wants to coner the world completely

but first she'll conquer me discreetly

the female of the spec shees is one that

live in the

[Applause]

moon oh she deals a

[Music]

witchcraft one

kissing how can heaven hold a place for

me when a girl like you has cast a spell

on me oh how can heaven hold a place for

me when a girl like you cast a spell on

me

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

oh how can heaven hold a place for me

when a girl like you cast a spell on me

oh how can heaven hold a place for me

when a girl like you cast a spell on

[Music]