Original subtitles

-♪ Hey, everybody, have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in, hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies, so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties, boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

-Tonight we go to the mountaintop.

We go to the pinnacle of motion picture history.

We climb Everest and we don't stop for water.

We buy one of those mountain climbing outfits

with the harness and the gear loops.

We --

Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

Okay.

As everybody knows,

there are only six major events in the creation

of motion picture technology. -People don't know that.

-They don't know?

-No, of course not. You just made it up.

-Darcy the Mail Girl, ladies and gentlemen!

I should go ahead and introduce you because,

Darcy, you tonight... -Yes.

-...are my Sherpa on the way up the mountain.

-Alright. Is that the people who live in Nepal and carry stuff?

-Yeah, they're the guides... -Alright.

-...when you climb Everest.

-Do I get one of those cool hats with earflaps?

-We can definitely arrange cool hat with earflaps.

-Then I'm so in! Yes. -Alright.

Our Sherpa is here to handle all your tweets

and your Insta posts and your TikToks and whatevers.

-That I can do.

Don't Sherpas carry oxygen canisters?

-They definitely carry oxygen canisters. Yes.

-I got that covered, too. -Okay.

Make sure it's just oxygen in those canisters, Darcy.

As most people know,

there are only six major events in the creation

of motion picture technology.

August 24th, 1891. West Orange, New Jersey.

Invention of the Kinetoscope.

Thomas Edison.

-Thomas Edison claimed to be the inventor. Yes.

-"Claimed"?

Oh, you are starting things off

all controversial and shit.

-William Kennedy Dickson was a Thomas Edison fanboy

who worked for him and apparently did most of the work.

But it's a better story if Edison invented the Kinetoscope.

-Alright, well, we can send out some love for Bill.

-Okay. Second of six events.

March 23rd, 1911. Inglewood, California.

D.W. Griffith invents the close-up.

-Is that something you have to invent?

-Yeah. Before that,

they would always show the whole body of the actor.

The name of that movie was "The Lonedale Operator."

December 9th, 1926. Hollywood, California.

Cinematographer H. Kinley Martin uses

the Rolla T. Flora Paramount zoom lens

to photograph the upper torso of Clara Bow.

-Is that true? -Of course it's true.

They were testing the Rolla T. Flora zoom on the Paramount lot

while making the movie "It."

We never saw Clara Bow's boobs,

but we had the technology to photograph them if necessary.

-And that's the third most important moment in film.

-It's the third in chronological order.

Yes. -Oh, okay.

-October 6th, 1927. Burbank, California.

Alan Crosland directs the first picture with sound.

-"The Jazz Singer."

-Correct-a-mundo! -Yay!

-April 17th, 1948. Shelton, Connecticut.

Joseph Talalay perfects molded latex.

-Latex? -Yes.

-Like, just normal latex?

-There's nothing normal about latex, Darcy.

Joseph Talalay was a genius.

And of course,

the final of the six big technological achievements.

March 24th, 1963.

We all know that date. Coral Gables, Florida.

Herschell Gordon Lewis takes theatrical stage makeup

supplied by Barfred Cosmetics,

combines it with corn syrup and food coloring,

and simulates the consistency of human blood.

It took the motion picture industry 75 years to get there,

but the technology was finally in place

for the world's highest expression of cinematic truth,

the genre that would reign supreme

for the rest of recorded time.

I speak, of course... of the slasher.

Whoo! Yeah!

-Do you realize, Darcy,

that there are directors who spend a lifetime in Hollywood

and never even get a chance to make a slasher?

-That is so hard to believe.

-So, tonight we celebrate the slasher genre

in all its aspects, and we settle two questions forever.

One is, what movie is the first slasher?

Do you have an opinion about that?

I can make a guess.

-I'll give you some titles

that have been put forward for the first slasher.

-Alright.

-"Psycho."

-Definitely some people will say that.

-"Peeping Tom."

-I can see that, too.

-"Black Christmas," 1974.

-That's the one I was gonna say.

-It fails on a couple of the elements.

"The Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

-I feel like "Psycho" is gonna be

the popular choice, honestly.

-Well, most people would be wrong

if that's the popular choice.

And the first slasher is not any of the titles I just listed.

-Okay. Are you gonna tell us what it is?

-No, I am, but I'm gonna make you wait.

-Of course you are.

-So, to cover the whole 50-year history of slashers,

we are going to show a really early one tonight

and then a really recent one.

The first movie, "Intruder," came out in 1989,

but it's kind of the best 1981 movie to come out in 1989.

Um, the short film

that it's based on was actually made in 1979

by the same group of young guys who made "The Evil Dead."

It's got all the early slasher elements.

Uh, Ted Raimi, the great character actor --

I see you're cosplaying Ted Raimi.

-Again. -...is featured in it,

along with his famous director brother, Sam Raimi.

And then for our second feature,

we've got "In a Violent Nature," a 2024 slasher

that contains all the postmodern elements

of what is often called the neo-slasher genre.

Or does it? We'll debate that later.

And then while we're at it,

we're gonna do slasher history, slasher tropes,

and show a whole lot of slasher love.

-Yeah, we are.

You said there were two things we were gonna do tonight,

and one was name the original slasher,

but what was the other one?

-Oh, define what a slasher actually is.

-Okay. -In fact, come on out, guys.

Come on out. Because, Darcy...

Yes. -Every slasher movie

needs to have 24 things in it,

or else it's not a slasher.

-And you are gonna tell us what all of those are.

-Yes, I'm gonna reveal a few items at each break

and we're gonna argue about them.

-How do you know we're gonna argue?

-Ah, just a premonition. -Alright. Tell me one of 'em.

-Right now? Right now? -Yeah, right now.

Right now.

-Um, okay.

A slasher must start with a kill scene

in which the killer is not revealed.

-Oh, no. Oh, no. Already disagree.

There are slow-burn slashers.

-Oh, oh, I know that. I'm agreeing with --

agreeing with that, but here's the principle.

Is it a better slasher if it starts with that big kill scene?

-Yeah, it definitely is. -So, that's the point.

We're defining what's in the perfect slasher.

-Oh. Well, then I agree.

-Okay, one down, 23 to go.

-Okay. Should I be taking notes on this?

-No, I got that covered. -Actually, yes, I see.

-We're gonna rip off number 15 here.

"Starts with a kill." -Okay.

-We're going to school tonight, Darcy.

But first, how about showing the movie?

-Wha...?! I am shocked by that.

-What we have here is the sensitive story

of the night shift crew down at the local supermarket,

putting out baked bean and pineapple displays

marked half off because they've just been told they're fired

because the place is being sold.

Meanwhile, the abusive ex-boyfriend of cashier Jennifer

has just gotten out of jail,

determined to repeatedly declare his love

despite being beaten up by several of the stock boys.

So he hides behind the meat racks and beer cases,

playing cat and mouse

with various employees who are being splintered

and splattered like discount salami at the deli counter

by a lover of sharp instruments.

Sure, we've seen it before,

but have we seen it with insider grocery store subtext?

I think not.

Let's take a look at those drive-in totals and get started.

We have eight dead bodies,

zero breasts...

I'm sorry, but an '80s slasher with no boob action?

What were they thinking?

That's got to be a half-point deduction.

We can get into that later, Darcy.

-Oh, I agree.

-Hammer to the cranium. Knife to the cranium.

Bottle to the cranium. Wheat germ to the cranium.

Strangulation with spike to the eyeball.

Butcher knife to the belly.

Hydraulic press head crushing.

Meathook to the jaw. Cleaver to the face.

Bandsaw through the face.

Stabbing.

One pickled eyeball.

Unintentional eyeball stomping.

One head beating with a head, which could also be called

giving head to a head,

or head-on-head battering

or head-battering of a battered head.

Phone booth destruction with the user inside.

Brawl in aisle four.

Persistent bloody nose.

Heads roll.

Hand rolls, twice.

Feet roll. Face rolls.

Eyeballs roll.

Gratuitous cereal stocking.

Butcher knife fu. Cleaver fu.

Decapitated head fu.

Drive-In Academy Award nominations

for David Byrnes

as abusive ex-boyfriend Craig,

for skulking around the store

and for saying, "Give me my change."

Burr Steers as Bub,

for being saddled with explaining Craig's backstory

and for saying Craig really used to be quite cool.

Ted Raimi as Produce Joe,

for wearing his Walkman while chopping produce

and for saying, "Craig Peterson? I remember him.

We got into a fight this one time and I kicked his ass."

Sam Raimi as Randy, for taking a meat hook to the jaw

and for saying, "What the hell is this?"

Elizabeth Cox as Jennifer for having a badly timed bloody nose

and for saying, "You're crazy!"

Danny Hicks as Bill Roberts

for loving the grocery store just a little too much,

and for saying, "Don't you see?

I'm just crazy about this store."

And Scott Spiegel, the director,

for finding point-of-view shots

where there's no point of view.

3 1/2 stars. Joe Bob says check it out.

You know, I didn't put "nekkidity"

on the 24-point slasher trope list,

but I think it needs to be there.

-Oh, it should.

-People say, "Why do they always have to be nekkid?"

Because they're more vulnerable when they're nekkid.

It is scarier.

And there's an assumption that they're less likely to escape

if they're nekkid.

I'm not sure that's true, though.

-It's not.

I feel like there's nothing to slow you down

if you have no clothes on.

-Yeah. Maria Ford.

-Maria Ford what?

-Maria Ford proved that

when she did extended kung fu in the nude.

-Oh, yeah! What movie was that?

-A Roger Corman movie in the '90s.

I don't remember the name of it, but she should, you know --

she should go into the Drive-In Hall of Fame

just for that one scene.

She was trying to find out what happened to her sister,

Charlie Spradling, in, um...

-"Angel of Destruction."

-"Angel of Destruction"! I bet you only watched that

'cause you thought it was a sequel to "Angel."

-What?!

I mean, that would've been awesome, but no.

Oh, one that always stands out to me, though.

Betsy Rue's extended fully nekkid nude scene

in "My Bloody Valentine 3D."

She's amazing in that. -Oh, yeah.

When the killer is trying to get her with the pickax?

-Yes, she does not make it,

but I still feel the scene deserves to be singled out.

-That whole movie is underrated.

-Oh, my God. Agreed.

-That's actually fighting full-frontal nekkid

in front of a 3D camera,

which takes bravery. -Yes!

-Nekkid stuntwork should be a category.

Absolutely.

-There you go. Thanks a lot.

Good evening, Walnut Lake shoppers.

The store will be closing in 15 minutes,

so please make your final selection

and bring them to the front of the store,

and our cashier will be happy to check you out.

Thank you for shopping at Walnut Lake Market.

-Jen?

-Yeah? -How much is this?

-Uh, it's $1.89. -Okay, thanks.

-Sure, no problem.

-Jen?

Yeah?

-Has Dave asked you out yet?

-No, he's still seeing Carrie.

-Uh-uh. I heard they broke up.

-Am I interrupting something?

Uh, you know... -No, no, no.

-Oh! Well! I thought, oh, you know...

-No, no, no. -I could hear everything.

Yeah.

-Here's your bag, Mr. Abernathy. -Oh.

-You got this. Ready now? -Yeah. Oh, yeah.

-Wait, I don't want you to forget your plant here.

-Oh, well, of course. Thank you, very kind.

Oh!

-Good grief!

-Oh, Mr. Abernathy, I am sorry about that!

-Yeah, well, I'm sorrier.

There's no discount for seniors? Nothing, huh?

Excuse me!

Hold hands, you love birds!

-Linda, I'm gonna go round up some carts.

-Watch out for him in the parking lot.

-Thank you. Have a good night.

-Thank you.

-Hi--

-Long time, no see.

-Craig.

-How come you haven't returned my calls?

-I haven't checked my answering machine in two days.

Yeah, like I really can believe that.

You know, I got a gimp hand from writing you

letter after letter, just hoping you'd write one back to me.

-Craig, this is no time --

-When is a good time, Jennifer, huh?

A year from now, maybe two?

You don't know what I've been going through,

and what's worse is you don't even care.

-Is there a problem, Jen? -Look, fuck off!

-Where are you going?

-See what the trouble is.

-Never once do those girls work that alarm properly.

Just finish looking over the contracts,

then check on the girls, then close the store.

-Well, at least let me check out the window.

-Fine.

-It's $1.35 for the cigarettes.

-Jennifer...

Look, I've been thinking about you for a long time now.

-Craig, I'm sorry about what happened, I really am,

but as far as you and I are concerned,

it's over, and it's been over for a year now.

-Shh.

Now listen to me.

I've kept it alive for a long time.

-Well, I haven't, and if you can't see why,

my telling you is not gonna make any difference --

-Jennifer. -Please, Craig!

Now, I have to get back to work.

You owe me $1.35 for the cigarettes.

-You owe me an explanation!

-Well, you're not listening to me!

-Listen, Jennifer, I've been waiting too long for this.

-You're hurting me!

-Would you leave her alone?

-Look, get lost!

-You're crazy!

-Don't ever call me that.

-What the hell's your problem, man?

-Stop it! -Make him stop!

-Cut it out! -Guys, stop fighting!

-Stop it!

Cut it out! -Stop it!

You guys, just stop fighting!

-Bill! Just leave him alone!

-Hey! Back!

Jesus.

Wait. Chill out, chill out.

Come on.

Come on.

-What the hell's goin' on?

-Hey! What the...?

-Son of a bitch!

-Jennifer, call the police. -Did you hear that?

-Alright, alright. -No, I'm not alright.

-Alright, come on, now listen up!

Listen up. Everybody check out the store, okay?

But be careful.

If you find him, yell loud and clear,

but stay away from him, you understand?

Alright, let's go.

Shit!

-Police Department. -Hi.

Please hold.

Don't put me on hold.

-Jesus Christ, you scared the shit outta me!

What're you doin' working tonight?

-Working.

I thought you were Craig.

-Craig? -Craig Peterson.

-Craig Peterson!

Hey, I remember him!

One time, we got into this fight and I kicked his ass.

-Yeah? Yeah, well, we just got in a big fight with him,

up front of the store. -Oh.

-He's in here somewhere.

So if you see him, keep your eyes peeled.

-Now?

Tonight?

-Tonight, now.

-Oh.

You ass!

You practically scared me to death!

-What? I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

-Hey, what happened? Did you see him?

Did you see him anywhere? -No, it's just Tim scaring me.

-You are such a dick, Tim.

-Jackass, come on!

-This is so typical of you, Tim.

-Quit screwing around, damn it.

This is serious business!

-I think -- I think I know where Craig might be hiding.

-Where?

-The attic.

-"The attic." -The attic!

-Hey! Shut up.

Up there where I caught you guys smokin' that wacky tobacky?

Aw, come on, Bub.

Let's check it out.

-Me? -Yeah, you!

Come on, damn it!

-You got me in trouble. What?

You wanna have a beer with me back here?

-Hey, I heard that! No beer!

-Come on, help me find him. -What? What?

-I can't see nothin' up here but a whole bunch of darkness.

Give me a flashlight.

Come on.

Son of a whore!

-Outstanding, Bill.

-Well, if he's up there,

he's gonna have a hell of a time gettin' down.

Hello, police emergency services.

May I help you?

-Thank God!

- Sergeant Andrews. - May I help you?

-It's Jennifer Ross, and there's someone --

What's your name and location?

-I-I told you, 2100...

Are you in danger, ma'am?

-Now give me my change.

-Are you kidding?

-Does it look like I'm kidding?

-Phone the police? -I...

-Call them, now! -I tried!

-You're done!

-Right, now, you listen and you listen good.

If I ever catch you around here anymore,

you're gonna have more to deal with than the police.

You're gonna deal with me. You understand?

And you better hope that the cops get you before I do.

Bill, unlock the door.

Come on.

-Punk!

-Be gone with ya.

-Come on!

-Go home! -God damn it.

-You punk. -Get the hell outta here!

-Roll the fuck off! -Beat it!

-Fuck.

-Beat it.

-Go back to work, come on.

-The police said that they'd send a squad car

as soon as possible.

-You gonna be alright, Jennifer?

-Yeah, I'll be fine.

-Well, I think we have enough excitement for one night.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-Danny and I wanna congratulate y'all

on the way you handled this situation this evening.

Y'all did a fine job.

-Does this mean we get a raise?

-Unfortunately, no.

As a matter of fact, tonight we start marking down

everything in the store half price.

-Why?

-Bill and I are selling the store.

-What? -Aww!

-Now, now, calm down, everybody, calm down!

Just hear the man out.

-Well, Bill and I, well, we've agreed to sell the store

to the city, and your jobs will end

about the first of next month.

However...

However, look, Bill and I want you all to know we appreciate

the years that you've been loyal to us,

and you'll find a nice bonus check from us

as a little token of our appreciation.

-And if any of you kids need any kind of a recommendation,

you know we'll give you the best one in the world.

-Right. -Wonderful.

-I'll be in the back.

Oh, you guys, clean up this mess, okay?

-Okay.

-And I just got a raise. -Yeah.

-Jesus, I don't believe this.

-Oh, man. Three years of seniority down the toilet.

-What about me? What about my job?

-I had two weeks' paid vacation comin' to me.

-It's not so bad. I can get unemployment now.

-Right, right. -You're never working anyway.

-Get that straight.

You would say that.

He did.

We should've joined the union.

-Look, look, I'm not the one that wanted to sell the store.

Believe me! I've been here for over 10 years.

I've made this store my life.

Randy, I started out here as a butcher, just like you,

and finally worked my way up to co-owner of this place.

It's my home away from home.

-If that's so true, Bill, then why'd you give in to Danny?

-I didn't.

Not voluntarily, mind you.

Aw hell, let me put it this way.

I own 49% of this place, he owns 51.

That about says it all.

-Yeah.

Gonna miss this old place.

-Me too.

More than you'll ever know.

Now, does everybody know what they're doin' tonight?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-Good. I gotta take a fastie.

-Okay, Darcy. We already had one slasher evergreen.

When Craig runs off into the store

and they don't know where he's hiding, they decide to split up.

There's always a "decide to split up" scene, right?

-Yeah, but nothing happened. -Well, I know,

but maybe it was a false flag split-up moment.

-If that's a thing, then yes.

-Alright, so we're gonna go ahead and rip off number 22.

"Never split up."

I mean, you watch them decide to split up,

you're thinking, "Okay, the kills start now."

But they don't. It's a fake-out.

-We should have had a kill by now.

-True. We're 20 plus minutes in,

and that's a long time to wait for some red meat.

What do you think about setting a slasher in a supermarket?

-I like it. It has lots of hiding places

and lots of things to kill with. -True.

Which leads me to two more of my slasher essentials.

One, the story must take place in an isolated location.

We're going to rip off number four for that.

"Isolated setting." Um...

-Hmm. -Agreed?

-I feel like a supermarket's not that isolated.

-Well, except a supermarket when it's the after-hours crew

and they're closing forever.

-Okay, fair. Yeah.

-Um, they actually found a supermarket

that was closing forever.

The Ranch Market in Bell Gardens, California.

They paid a guy to let him use it

while the owner was out of town.

And they also got use of his damaged and dented grocery stock

so they could fill up the shelves

with defective cereal and canned food.

But you'll notice that when they talk on the phone,

they call it the Walnut Lake Market.

That's because Scott Spiegel, the director,

had worked at a grocery store in Michigan

called the Walnut -- Walnut Lake Market.

Um, I don't think it's there anymore,

but it was -- it was in that wealthy suburban area

where Sam Raimi also grew up.

Sam -- Sam is seen here as Randy,

the stock boy getting tossed around by Craig.

And Ted Raimi is seen here as the produce guy with headphones

who brags not very convincingly about the time

he beat Craig's ass. -Craig!

-I'm gonna ask Ted about this someday.

But this particular part of suburban Detroit

was just chock full of boys making Super 8 films

who would go on to huge Hollywood careers,

including the stoner Bub, played by Burr Steers,

who would go on to direct

fucking "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies."

Who knew? -What?! No way!

-Uh, anyway, just one more slasher essential

before we move on. -Okay.

-Uh, we're going to rip off number eight here.

Um, the story must be limited to one location,

and that location must be one of the three C's.

And the three C's are camp, campus, or country.

So, the movie can be set in a camp like "Friday the 13th,"

or a campus like "Sorority House Massacre" or "Carrie,"

or country, which can be either a small town,

like "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre,"

or a suburb, like "Halloween."

In this case, it's a suburb.

The point is that it's a group of people

whose options are limited by wherever they are living.

So, suburban supermarket,

certain kind of people can't escape it

'cause you're a cashier or a stock boy.

Um, and this is the only slasher I can ever remember

that's set entirely in a supermarket.

But good choice.

Alright! Let's go back to the movie.

-Okay.

-A lot of people get confused

in that very first scene because, well,

first they get confused because Scott Spiegel does

a grocery cart point-of-view shot.

Scott Spiegel likes --

likes inanimate object POV, like shots from the inside

of telephones and stuff.

But then there's this old guy.

That old guy in the porkpie hat who's trying to check out,

and he drops his groceries and he mumbles a lot.

That was an Easter egg. You know who that was?

-Emil Sitka. -That's right. Emil Sitka.

A regular in Three Stooges films.

He was in 35 Three Stooges films.

Columbia contract player who did a lot of slapstick comedy.

Um, most famous role that he had was as a justice of the peace

who begins every service with, "Hold hands, you lovebirds."

So they have him say that signature line there

at the beginning of the movie. Why?

Doesn't -- Doesn't belong in the movie.

But Scott Spiegel and all his friends grew up watching --

they were massive Three Stooges fans,

and their first Super 8 films were virtual remakes

of Three Stooges shorts.

So anyway, Emil Sitka was a bit player

in hundreds of films,

the favorite foil of the Stooges,

the only actor who worked with all Six stooges,

and for most of his life

he had the California license plate "STOOGES."

And if you go to his grave in Camarillo --

he died in 1998 at the age of 84 --

uh, the inscription on his tomb is,

"Hold hands, you lovebirds."

Aww!

-So, very deep dive Easter egg stuff,

right at the beginning of the movie.

That was Emil Sitka's next-to-last movie.

Um, Scott Spiegel and Sam Raimi

used him again in their 1992 movie "The Nutt House."

But most people don't know that film even exists

'cause they lost control of it to a producer

who didn't like them, and so they took their names off of it.

But anyway, let's have a moment of appreciation for Emil Sitka,

the last living Stooge, because he actually replaced Larry Fine,

um, after Larry suffered a stroke

and went to the Motion Picture Actors Home in Woodland Hills.

Um, but they don't make Stooges anymore, Darcy.

-No, they don't. -And that is a damn shame.

-Lost your job, Joe!

-No wonder Danny's got the whole crew working tonight.

It's going to be a bitch changing all these prices.

Are you okay, Jen?

-I've been better.

Aw, it's okay!

-Know anybody who needs a new cashier?

I'll get it.

-See? Opportunity calling right now.

-Ha-ha.

Walnut Lake Market. This is Jennifer.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Jennifer.

-What do you want?

You.

You standing there. You look so beautiful.

-I called the police.

Am I supposed to be scared or what?

-Leave me alone!

Don't answer that.

-This guy is a total creep!

You really went out with him?

-For two months, about a year ago.

That was the last time I saw him.

-Where's he been?

-Prison.

-You're kidding!

-I wish I was.

-Why? What happened?

-Craig took me to this bar, Dillon's.

You know Dillon's.

And I told him I didn't want to see him anymore.

And the bouncer came over and told Craig to settle down

'cause Craig was starting a fight.

-That's not surprising.

-And when they pulled Craig off of the guy, he was dead.

-You mean he actually killed someone?

-It was an accident.

I guess.

-That's just great. And now he's out.

Felt like someone was watching me.

Not again!

-You know, if Craig's gonna keep calling you,

he's gonna have to take some abuse.

Look here, shithead, if you call here one more --

Linda?

-Oh, Teddy. Sorry. -What's goin' on?

That's no way to answer the phone.

-No.

Yes.

-I want some beer. -What kind of beer?

- I don't know. - Bring home some Coronas.

-Okay.

You're gonna be alright, aren't ya?

-No, no, just this creep keeps calling here.

He's driving us nuts.

Yeah, he came in and he started a fight.

Yeah, okay, I'll tell you about it when I get home.

Do that.

-Okay, I'll talk to you later.

-Love you. -Bye.

-This thing is not childproof. I'm sorry.

-Hey, Jen? -Hm?

-Give it.

-Thanks, Dave.

-You need anything else?

-Yeah, a new job.

-You and me both.

Listen, Saturday night I'm having a few people over.

Maybe you'd like to join us.

-Are you still seeing Carrie?

-Uh...

Well, no.

-I'm -- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you that.

-Oh, no. No, that's okay.

Listen, how 'bout if we blow off everybody else

and just you and I go out on Saturday?

-I'd like that. -Yeah?

-Dave, you better get back to work.

-Danny? Ooh!

-Nice imitation there, Bill.

-Dave, I want you to bring out all them cases

of baked beans and pineapple.

I'm gonna make a display of that stuff.

-You wanna make a display of both

baked beans and pineapple? -Yep,

And I think I'll call 'er my fartblossom special.

-Okay.

-How many times have I told you

not to ride on that damn thing?

-Hey, Jen. I'll pick you up around eight. It's a date.

-Okay!

-You know, sometimes I think half the people

in this damn store are half backwards, except for you.

You know, Jenny, my old buddy Jack Lehey's

opening up a new place over at Nine Mile in Shiawassee.

I'll bet you he could use a good cashier.

I'll give you his number, if you'd like.

-Yeah, that would be great.

Do you have any idea how much the starting pay would be?

-Well, you'd have to take that up with Lehey,

but I'm sure it'd be close to what you're gettin' now.

-Thanks.

-So, you and Craig used to be friends?

-Yeah, he got me this job.

I was his best friend for a while.

-That's nothing to brag about.

-Well, Craig used to be really quite cool, you know.

I don't know why he went nuts.

I figure it's because his old man died.

That must've really freaked him out.

After that, he started acting really weird.

-Weird? -Yeah.

He started stealing money from me,

and then he needed more money, to buy drugs.

I mean, like, very serious drugs.

He was dealing them and then he became addicted.

He started treating Jennifer like shit.

He and I got into it one night and I swear to God,

if my brother hadn't hit him

in the head repeatedly with a blender,

he would've killed me.

-A blender?

-Yeah, a Hamilton Beach blender.

- Break time. - Sorry 'bout that, guys.

-No. -Try 'em, they're good for ya!

-They look gross. Greasy.

-They're not gross and greasy!

Back home, those are considered health food.

-Well, maybe I will try one.

-Where's Linda? -Shopping.

-Yeah, that's right.

She's working the early shift now.

-No Produce Joe?

-I told him it was lunch.

I don't know where the hell he is.

-The police haven't arrived yet.

-The only time they show up is when you're speeding.

Then they're on your ass immediately.

-Yeah, they're almost as slow as the fire department.

-Hey, watch it, Dave. I used to be a volunteer fireman.

-Yeah? -Yep.

Gave her up, though. -Why?

Too dangerous?

-No, not that it was too dangerous.

Mind you, we didn't always just put out fires.

A lot of times we get called out on accidents,

and I'm here to tell ya, that last accident I was at

was enough to make anybody give her up.

-Why? What happened?

Not that I'm interested, but he's gonna tell us anyways.

-Well, what happened was, we was all sittin' around

the station one evening having dinner and we got this call

that there'd been an accident

out on Nine Mile in Middlevale.

So, we all dropped what we was eatin'

and run out of the station.

Well, that is everybody except for god damn Parker.

Took his hamburger right with him!

And the first thing we get to the scene there,

the first thing we see is this headless corpse

layin' right in the middle of the road,

and they can't find the guy's head!

-Oh, that's sick.

-Guy lost his head.

-So, Parker goes walkin' off down Nine Mile

lookin' for the head, still eatin' his god damn hamburger!

So, everybody, everybody just gets through.

They gets themselves composed a little bit

so they can do somethin' constructive.

They walk between the engine and the squad

where the accident was and the godawful putrescence

was layin' there and everything,

and here comes fuckin' Parker.

Walkin' down Nine Mile, swinging the head by the hair

in one hand and his hamburger in the other,

and he's still eatin' it!

Then, of course, needless to say,

everybody just lost their cookies.

-Wow.

-What the hell was that?

-Police! Police!

-Yeah, I'm comin', I'm comin'! Hold on.

-Hello, good evening. -Evening.

-I'm, uh, Officer Dalton.

This is Officer Matthews. -Evening.

-How do you do, sir? -I'm Bill Roberts.

Jennifer here called you.

-Hi.

-Hi. -How you doin', ma'am?

-Uh, had any more trouble with that guy since we've talked?

-Have we?

-Well, he called a little while ago.

-Well, did he make any threats or obscenities?

-Nope.

-Mm, we ran a check on this guy, um...

-Craig Peterson. -Craig Peterson, yes.

Well, all we know is that he's out on parole now.

Well, if you see him around here again, why,

don't hesitate to call, and here's my card.

No, that's not my card.

That's my card. Yeah.

Well, as I said, don't hesitate to call.

Matthews?

-Y'all have a nice night.

-You can't get in, you can't get out.

-I feel a lot safer already.

-Our boys in blue.

-Let's get to it, come on.

-Those guys couldn't catch a cold.

-Hey, were the cops just here?

-Yep.

-Did they pick up Craig?

-No. Not yet.

-Teddy is waiting for me at home,

and he hates it when I'm late.

Jen, your nose. You're...

Here, I think I have a tissue.

Are you okay?

-Oh.

-Who's there?

-Okay.

I cut that right outta there. That's what I'm gonna do.

-I still can't believe we've been losin' money

consistently now for the past two years.

-Sad but true.

-Well, Danny, what the hell do you expect me to do?

Just sit around here and watch 'em bulldoze this place

to the ground come the first of the month?

-As long as that check clears,

they could turn this place into a porno shop for all I care.

Now, look, you're getting some cash out of the deal.

You've looked over the contract, now sign it.

-Danny, I can't -- -Sign it.

Alright, I've got a shitload of work to do.

Why don't you go downstairs and make sure

those jokers aren't rippin' us off blind, hm?

Close the door on your way out.

-You scared the hell outta here, little feller.

Get outta here, scat!

Son of a bitch.

-Okay, so we finally had a kill, but it was off camera.

Cut to a sliced watermelon.

Ha ha ha! I hate when they do that.

-I mean, really, that sucks.

-And that dead cashier was Renée Estevez.

You would expect them to use her a little more.

Daughter of Martin Sheen, little sister of Charlie Sheen.

Actually, little sister of Charlie,

Emilio Estevez and Ramon Estevez,

probably best remembered by the general public

as the geeky girl Betty Finn in "Heathers."

But this -- -"Sleepaway Camp 2."

-What? -"Sleepaway Camp 2."

-"Sleepaway Camp 2"? Well, yeah.

Also, this audience may be more familiar with her

as Molly in "Sleepaway Camp 2." -Yes.

But either way, she was known for being related

to all the Estevezes and the Sheens,

and was pretty much done with acting by the early 2000s.

So she's dead girl number one.

And we also fulfilled another essential of the slasher,

which is, uh, number 14...

The cops are idiots.

Uh, in all slashers, law enforcement is

either non-existent, extremely slow, or clueless.

And speaking of clueless, Ted Raimi,

as Produce Joe, continues to groove to his own beat.

And originally we were planning to have him on as a guest.

But all kinds of problems with weather and plane

cancelations and other bull stuff made it impossible.

But, Ted, we're thinking about you.

And, Darcy, you're crazy about Ted Raimi.

This is the second time you've done Ted Raimi cosplay

on this show. -Yes.

-I am so sad he couldn't make it.

-The first time was "Blood Rage,"

where Ted is the condom salesman in the men's room

of the historic Route 35 Drive-In in Hazlet, New Jersey.

Although I realize they probably didn't shoot the scene

at the drive-in, but that was Ted's scene.

One thing I wanted to ask Ted is how it came about

that all the Raimi brothers and Scott Spiegel

and these other guys who lived in the suburbs of Detroit

were just churning out these Super 8 movies in the '70s.

What was going on there?

'Cause a lot of these guys, including Ted and Scott and Sam,

ended up in Hollywood

and what was going on in West Bloomfield Township

to create all this cinematic frenzy?

'Cause all these guys are still friends today,

still appear in one another's films.

All of them grew up making Three Stooges style comedies together,

and then they all went to Hollywood together,

and they lived in a big house

with the Coen brothers and Holly Hunter

and Kathy Bates. -What?!

That's crazy. -And then at some point,

Quentin Tarantino joins the group.

He enters the picture.

It was actually Scott Spiegel

who introduced Tarantino to Lawrence Bender,

the producer of this movie.

And that's how "Reservoir Dogs" got made.

And then there's a forgotten Raimi brother, Ivan Raimi,

who is a Hollywood screenwriter.

So, anyway, all you need to know about Ted Raimi

in this movie is that he's the standard goofball character.

And you know what happens to goofballs in slashers?

-They live forever. -We know that from number 24.

"Goofballs must die." -Aww.

-Roll the movie.

And speaking -- you know, speaking of Three Stooges,

Sam Raimi invented the term "fake Shemp."

Right? -I think he did. Yeah.

-Yeah, and both Ted Raimi and Scott Spiegel

have both gotten the credit "Fake Shemp"

in Sam Raimi movies.

Can you explain for the uninitiated how that works?

Or, I'll try, okay? -Okay, go for it.

I'll correct you. -For those of you who don't know

your Three Stooges history, in 1955,

Shemp Howard died,

and the Three Stooges still had contracts

to use him in four more movies.

So they disguised Joe Palma,

who was his stand-in as Shemp Howard,

and somehow got away with it and completed those movies.

So, a fake Shemp is

when they photograph the actual stand-in

but you think it's the real actor, right?

-I feel like there's a little bit more to it than that,

but that's the gist of it, yes.

-Alright. Can we have a fake Shemp

be me at the next break, and I could...?

-We could try, but no one's gonna believe it.

-Why? Why wouldn't anybody believe it?

-'Cause no fake Shemp can talk that much.

-What?

-Help me!

-Oh, man.

-Brain hemorrhage!

-Walnut Lake Market.

-Hi, Jen. -Hi, Teddy.

-Is Linda still there? -No, she left a while ago.

Hey, Jen.

I'm sorry.

-What's the matter?

-My nose won't stop bleeding,

Craig was staring at me in the window,

and Teddy called and Linda's not back yet!

-Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

Just relax. Look at yourself, you're shaking.

The police are gonna get Craig.

You're safe here with all of us.

Don't worry.

Wait, wait!

Oh, my God! We're gonna get in so much trouble!

Stop!

-Oh, shit! I hate when that happens.

Typical.

-What the hell? Here.

Hey, asswipe, cut it out!

-Oh, it hurts.

Hey, Dave, throw me your cutter.

-Get your own cutter.

-Just let me have it. Mine broke.

-Fine.

Here it comes.

-Got it. Thanks, Dave.

-Hey, Danny?

Bill?

Where the hell did they go?

What stupid idiot put this...

Oh.

I did.

Ah, get outta the way!

-Shit.

Hey, shut the fuckin' door!

Bub?

Man, what're you doin'?

Shut the door, man!

Bub?

Can you guys quit screwin' around here? I'm trying to work!

Don't leave the beer cooler door open either, please!

Jeez.

-Hey.

Who is that?

Tim?

Tim, I know it's you.

Very funny, Tiiiim!

Tim?

This isn't amusing, Tim.

Think you're gonna give ol' Bub another wedgie?

Well, you know, I really think not,

'cause I had the foresight not to wear any underwear, Tim!

Very funny, you dick.

What the fuck?

Tim?

You're screwed, Tim!

Oh, whoa, it's Tim. What a surprise.

Tim, you look horrible.

Anal itch got you down?

Can you actually speak, Tim?

What are you, catatonic?

No!

Nooo!

No! No!

No!

No!

-That would be death by box compressor,

I do believe.

I think that machine is called a box compressor.

But you don't realize how much murderous technology

exists in the back rooms of a supermarket

until you watch this movie.

And that was a pretty good knife to Ted Raimi's head.

But this killer, whoever he is,

is just getting started.

-It starts out slow, but some of these kills are outstanding.

-And I think we can now concede

that the movie satisfies slasher principle number 11.

At least --

There must be at least six extremely grisly kills.

Um, that's a little bit of a spoiler

because the best two are yet to come.

I think we've also sort of satisfied principle number 3,

which is...

...the cast must be young people who have vices --

sex, drugs, alcohol.

So, go ahead and take that one off.

We got a beer guzzler. We got a stoner.

We don't really have sex,

but we have Dave and Jennifer thinking about sex.

What do you think of Elizabeth Cox

as the final girl role?

-Ah, she totally kicks ass in the end, so I approve.

-She was only in Hollywood a short time,

but she made the most of it.

She was in "The Wraith." -Yeah.

-Uh, "Night of the Creeps," "16 Candles," "The Allnighter."

She was a model from Chicago

who went to the University of Southern California,

majored in broadcast journalism, and as soon as she got a TV job,

she left the coast and settled in at KDBC in El Paso

as a news anchor.

Later moved on to talk radio at KMJ in Fresno, California,

where her name now is Liz Kern.

Um, one of the few people in the cast

who did not stay in the business.

I also think we've gone long enough into the movie

that we can safely say that Craig,

the ex-con stalker ex-boyfriend with a creepy attitude,

is not the killer, because that would just be too obvious,

illustrating slasher principle number 23 --

The obvious killer is never the killer.

Um, otherwise known as the red herring principle.

We also know that since we're this deep into the movie,

we have seen the killer. And in fact,

people watching this on their VCRs

had seen way too much of the killer

because the video company put the killer on the cover art --

a total no-no in slasher marketing.

You know, so many people figured it out

not from the movie itself,

but from just looking at the box.

So, let's get back to the movie.

Does it seem like all they sell in this grocery store

is cereal and beer?

-And sides of beef. -Sides of beef.

I'm assuming they're in a freezer

when you see those sides of beef hanging on hooks,

but it doesn't look like they are.

And the meat doesn't look very frozen.

-It doesn't look frozen.

It doesn't look like it was full at all.

-That's true. Just an occasional side of beef

hanging there like a lonely, dead animal.

-Aww, it isa lonely, dead animal.

-Well, that's true, Darcy,

and that's what makes red meat humane.

Because those cows are dead before they know what hits them.

So they never suffer.

-Oh, wow. That makes me feel so much better.

-Nobody likes killing, Darcy.

-You sound like the guy in "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

-You can't eat 'em unless you kill 'em first, so...

-But you actually don't need to eat 'em.

I am from Texas, Darcy.

-Oh, yeah, I forgot. Whatever.

♪ All the songs that you sang to... ♪

-Some more of those ribs.

Two rumps.

Okay.

This is Moss's.

This is Marge's.

What the hell is this?

You're goin' on special tomorrow in a big way.

The hell is this?

Tape these suckers up here.

Hey, Bub. Throw me my cutter, will ya?

I'm over here in aisle seven.

Hey, asshole!

Why didn't you close the cover before you threw it over?

Randy?

Left the slicer on.

Ah.

Never any of the big ones.

Bathroom.

Randy?

Bub?

Who's in here?

Very funny, guys, with the pig's feet.

Randy?

Aw, shit.

Randy, you got some blood to clean up out here.

Bub?

Hey, Bub, I know you're up there, screwin' around.

Very funny.

Bub?

I know you're up here. Stop foolin' around, man.

Bub? I know you're --

Ah, Jennifer!

Jennifer!

Behind you!

Jennifer!

-Please help me, please! Help!

No!

Nooo!

No!

Oh, no!

No!

-Dave?

Tim?

Bub?

Randy?

Dave?

Where is everybody?

Dave?

Dave?

Hello?

Randy?

I thought you were supposed to clean up in here.

Ugh!

That's not funny, Randy!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Danny!

Bill!

Danny!

Oh...

Oh, my God!

Open!

Oh, my God!

-Shit!

It's closed.

-Wait!

Let me go!

Craig?

Oh, God.

Craig!

Craig!

-Okay, Darcy, I did not put it on the slasher essentials list,

but the sequence here where somebody is trying to get away,

but they keep running into dead bodies from previous scenes --

those are always delicious sequences.

And actually, that should be

one of the slasher essentials, right?

-Agreed. Especially when they keep finding

severed heads and body parts.

-And they're often in the fridge.

-Right. Or dead bodies that fall from the ceiling.

-How great is that effect

when Dave gets his face cut in half by the bandsaw?

-That is a Hall of Fame kill.

-This is early Greg Nicotero work, KNB EFX.

But KNB EFX would become legendary in the effects world

and work for a long time on these very stages

where we work here.

Um, because they handled "Walking Dead."

But KNB did this job for $2,100. -Wow.

-$700 to each of the three guys, K, N, and B,

which basically covered the cost of the materials.

But KNB was part of that

Sam Raimi/Bruce Campbell group that hung around together

and did movies together.

But anyway, the kill wasn't like that in the script,

but KNB said,

"Hey, we think we can actually cut through a face

and make it look like it's Bill Marti's face."

That was the name of the actor,

but it was, of course, a cast of Bill Marti's face,

and I wouldn't be surprised

if he was traumatized by the experience

'cause he only had three more small acting roles

and then he left the business.

Um, but right before they shot the scene,

Bill Marti said, "My mom can never see this."

And Joyce Pepper, the script supervisor,

was sitting on a ladder when they shot the scene,

but she was so emotionally distraught by the scene

that she fell off the ladder.

There were tears popping out of her eyes

and she injured herself.

So, let's do one more slasher essential

before we go back to the movie. -Alright, go for it.

-Let's do, uh, number one. -Ooh.

-The killer must be disguised, preferably with a mask.

But let me explain this one.

Invisibility is also a disguise.

Meaning the killer can be revealing himself to people

as he kills them,

but we don't know who it is.

Sometimes the killer has not just a mask, but a full costume,

like in "Terror Train" -- many costumes.

But the classic killers have a mask.

Leatherface has a human skin mask.

He actually has three human skin masks.

Jason Voorhees has a hockey mask that he found.

Michael Myers has the Shape mask.

Ghostface -- I'll defer to you on that one, Darcy.

-Why, thank you. -But I think you have to have

the mask and the hood that goes with the mask,

or else it's not Ghostface.

-I feel like you need the whole robe, too,

or you see their hair or their body type.

Like, you need the big disguise. -Oh, right, right.

-And then Freddy. Freddy has no mask at all.

He just has a fedora and a sweater, right?

-Well, he has no reason to hide at all.

He -- He wants to flaunt his scars

because they symbolize the reason

he is hell bent on revenge.

-So, okay, good point. -He's showing off.

-So, no need for a disguise. -Exactly.

-Chucky the doll is a disguise.

-Fair. -You know?

Um, all he has to do is not talk,

and he becomes undetectable.

Anyway, the point is, the killer must be disguised.

And one reason I mention it

is that Dave goes up that ladder to the attic

and finds a bunch of masks.

-I think they're just Halloween masks.

-I know, but why are a bunch of masks in the attic?

Do supermarkets have attics?

-I guess this supermarket does have an attic.

-But let's go back

to the extended conclusion of "Intruder"

to answer the question, who is the intruder?

Roll it.

The original title was "Night Crew,"

which I think I like better.

"Intruder" reminds me of that Roger Corman movie

where William Shatner is a rabble-rouser

stirring up racist sentiment in a small town in the South.

-Why does it remind you of that?

-Well, 'cause that movie was called "The Intruder."

-Oh, well, that makes sense then.

I feel like, who thinks of that movie, though?

-I do.

-Well, you are a Roger Corman fanatic.

Guilty.

God.

Randy.

Bub!

Dave!

"It's a date."

Who's there?

-Aww. There, there, baby.

Everything's gonna be alright.

Everything's gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be alright.

I tried to stop Craig in the back of the store,

but the son of a bitch knocked me out with my own hammer!

-He killed everyone.

-Shh!

Just calm down.

Just calm down. You're gonna be fine now.

You're gonna be safe.

Just wait here and I'll go call the police.

No!

No!

You killed them.

You killed all of them.

But why?

-For the store.

Danny was always the big boss.

He always called the shots on every business deal, until now.

I couldn't let that son of a bitch

take this store away from me.

This store's my whole life!

I had to kill him!

-The night crew had nothing to do with it!

-Oh, I couldn't let anybody stop me.

I guess I just got a little carried away.

-You're sick!

-Don't you see?

I'm just crazy 'bout this store!

And I'm sorry, darlin'.

I truly am sorry...

but there's gonna be one more killin' here tonight.

And Craig'll take all the blame.

Help me!

Someone --

No!

Who's there?

Who's there?

Answer me!

Help me!

Somebody help me!

-Danny?

-Please.

-Danny.

-"Help me!

Somebody help me!"

You're next.

Here comes fucking Parker

walkin' down Nine Mile, swingin' a god damn head

by the hair in one hand,

and his sandwich in the other.

You're playin' hard to get.

Writ off!

Jennifer, shh! Shh!

-Now, listen to me.

That son of a bitch Bill tried to set me up.

That's how come he didn't kill me.

Now, we were fighting, he knocked me out.

When I came to, I saw him kill Linda.

I tried to run after him, but he ran into the store

and locked the doors before I could get him.

I even tried callin' the cops.

Now, listen, I got in here through the bathroom window,

and that's how we're gonna get out of here.

Leave it to cleaver!

-Suck on this!

-Where'd you get the knife?

Hello, police emergency services.

- May I help you? - This is Jennifer Ross.

I'm at 2100 Walnut Lake Road.

This is an emergency. I need help!

Are you in danger, ma'am?

Do you need us to send you a squad car?

Ye--

-Yoo-hoo! Where you goin'?

-Alright, freeze!

Drop it!

-We didn't do it!

-I said get down.

Go, go, get it over there. Kiss that hood, pal.

-Officer!

-What's this, what's this?

-Hey! -Hey nothin', pal.

-It's my box cutter!

-Shut up! -What're you doing?

What do you think?

Let's go! Give me the hand there!

-I'm the one who called you!

-Shut up! -They did it.

-Aah!

They did it.

They killed everybody in the store.

-He's lying! -Oh, wait a minute, no!

He's the murderer, god damn it!

Look! -Hands down on the car!

Get down!

Unit four?

-This is Officer Adams, yeah.

-What's your 20? -2100 Walnut Lake.

-We didn't do it! -Shut up!

-Ow!

-Roll us another vehicle. Code three. Pronto.

-Leave her alone!

-Aw, Jesus Christ.

It's a bloodbath in there, man.

They got bodies all over the place.

They're all mutilated.

-He did it!

-You're under arrest.

Let's go.

-You listen carefully now.

-You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can be used in a court of law.

You don't understand!

Nooooo!

Okay, so who's the intruder?

The movie is called "Intruder."

And the killer is not an intruder.

He's the owner!

In fact, this may be the first and only time in slasher history

that the crazed killer is motivated by supermarket love.

"I'm just crazy about this store."

What do you think of that as a serial killer

motivation, Darcy? -You know, I loathe shopping,

so I'm probably not the person to ask that.

-Well, we should go ahead and reveal

slasher essential numero six-o.

"Compelled to kill."

The slasher killer must always be

so brain-damaged that he can't notkill people.

And when they do describe the reasons for the kills,

it's usually one of three things --

childhood trauma, psychotic compulsion or revenge.

And actually, Jason is all three.

But in this case the only one is psychotic compulsion.

'Cause we know why he kills Danny,

because Danny is selling the store,

but we don't know why he's killing the rest of the cast.

All he says is, "I kind of got carried away," you know?

And the killer, by the way, is played by Danny Hicks,

who was a heavy equipment operator in the Detroit area

when he discovered acting at the Farmington Players,

which is a converted barn in the same county as the Raimis

and the Spiegels and the Campbells.

And he liked acting so much that he eventually became

a Hollywood character actor.

Um...

"Evil Dead 2" was his first feature film,

but often used by Sam Raimi.

So, "Intruder" was supposed to have a theatrical release,

and it was highly anticipated

because Empire Pictures had given a lot of gory

kill photos to Fangoria and Gorezone.

But then Empire Pictures went bankrupt right at the moment

it was completed,

and the result was that it became a Paramount

home video release, and not a very aggressive release either,

since it was heavily censored in an effort to get an R rating.

So, for years, the only way you could

watch the uncut version was to acquire a grainy bootleg.

I still think they could have had a better title.

Um, I mean, you're working with a grocery store.

You got all kinds of options.

You got the whole food groups hodgepodge,

"inconvenience store,"

you know, "clean up in all aisles," "meat market."

"Attention, shoppers, you're dead."

You know, "the final checkout."

"All prices slashed,

and all faces." You know, I don't know.

But the guy playing Officer Adams in the final scene

is the producer of the film, Lawrence Bender.

He's actually handcuffing his girlfriend at the time,

Elizabeth Cox.

And he's the partner of Bruce Campbell as Officer Howard.

Lawrence Bender was a dancer turned actor turned producer.

I believe this was the first film he ever produced,

but he would become one of the hottest producers in Hollywood.

Scott Spiegel introduced him to Quentin Tarantino,

and then he produced "Reservoir Dogs,"

"Inglourious Basterds," "Django," "Jackie Brown,"

but he also produced "Good Will Hunting,"

"An Inconvenient Truth."

He was a Romanian American from the, uh, from the Bronx.

He grew up poor,

but he made so much in Hollywood

that he has become one of the city's major philanthropists.

Scott Spiegel would go on to form a production company

with Eli Roth and end up directing "Hostel 3"

and "From Dusk Till Dawn 2,"

and he would also continue producing movies

with Lawrence Bender.

They produced Martin Scorsese's "Silence,"

Mel Gibson's "Hacksaw Ridge."

The weirdest subsequent career is Burr Steers, though --

the guy who played Bub the stoner.

He gets into a partnership with Zac Efron

and directs several hit comedies,

but also "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,"

um, several TV series,

uh, "Igby Goes Down," "The L Word," "17 Again,"

"The New Normal."

Anyway, it's the greatest slasher

to use psychotic supermarket love as a killer's motivation.

What we got here, Darcy, mailbag-wise?

-Mail! We have an upbeat letter from David and Dre Newton,

father and son who live in Renton, Washington.

-Okay. Seattle area. -Yes.

-One of your former hometowns.

-Mm, yes. -Alright.

"Hello, Joe Bob.

I got the chance to meet you at Crypticon a few years ago."

That's a horror con there in SeaTac.

Out by the airport. -Yeah.

-"I wanted to reach out to you to say Merry Christmas

and share some photos of a tradition my son

and I started this year."

I guess this letter came back in December.

Uh, "My son Dre is 9 years old with autism.

This has been a long haul to get him where he is,

but I'm having fun sharing the joys of my life with him.

He's getting into horror -- 'Goosebumps,'

'Tales From the Dark Side,' 'Are You Afraid of the Dark?'

He wants to watch horror movies with me,

but he gets very squeamish with blood and too much violence.

He's only nine.

I did introduce him to 'Killer Klowns

from Outer Space' and 'Halloween 3.'

He absolutely loves those two films,

and we have watched them countless times.

I talked to him about other movies

I've watched and your show.

He is dying to watch a show of yours

and wants me to tell you that you need to show 'Halloween 3'

and 'Killer Klowns From Outer Space.'"

Darcy. -Yeah, we do!

-Am I ever going to escape "Halloween 3"?

-Never!

Show it! -Anyways.

"In my back room this year,

we decided to put up a horror-themed Christmas tree.

We have had a blast choosing some decorations

from companies online,

but we had to put your action figure on

as the first decoration.

He was so excited to put it on

and wanted to share it with you."

Here he is. Can you put that picture up?

Here he is celebrating.

There's where they strung me up on the tree.

"His second favorite is the three masks from 'Halloween 3.'"

And there they are.

-Yay! -On the tree.

-Uh, "This will be a great tradition to share

my love of horror with him.

Just wanted to share this with you.

Thanks. David Newton. Renton, Washington."

Um, now, I hope they ended up watching "Rare Exports" together

when we did the Christmas show.

'Cause isn't the star of that movie nine years old?

A nine-year-old is the star of the movie.

Anyway, David, thanks for sharing.

-And thank you, Dre, for the "Halloween 3" love.

-Right. And, um...

Everybody should stick around right now for...

Well, not you, Dre. You should not stick around.

This next one's way too violent. -I think it's okay.

-It's actually called "In a Violent Nature."

But the slasher history lesson is only half done.

So stay with us as Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" continues.

And in the meantime, this is Joe Bob Briggs

speaking for myself and Darcy the mail girl,

when I say it's time right now to piss on the campfire

and call the dogs, but the drive-in will never die.

A golfer goes to a fortune teller,

and the fortune teller gazes into her crystal ball

and says, "Hm, I have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that there are several golf courses in heaven,

and they're all incredibly beautiful."

And the guy says, "Wow, that's terrific.

What's the bad news?" And she says,

"You have an 8:30 tee time tomorrow morning."

Not a golf audience, -I feel like --

-Not a golf audience at "The Last Drive-In."

-I think you told us that before.

-Guy sits down in a restaurant

and calls the waiter over and says,

"How do you prepare your chickens?"

And the waiter says, "Nothing special.

We just tell them they're gonna die."