Original subtitles

This is the way we sit and wait, sit and wait, sit and wait.

This is the way we sit and wait.

Good job my friends.

Let’s play the quiet game.

Quiet game.

What comes to mind

when you imagine a school?

Kids sitting at their desks?

Perhaps a teacher in front

struggling to keep their attention.

Or a school bell

ringing through the hallways.

When I think of school

I think of chalk.

I still picture it in my hands

nervously trying to solve a math problem on the blackboard.

Welcome to the world.

My own school days are long gone

but for my daughter, they have yet to begin.

By the time she will go to school

I worry that she'll be confronted

with more frightening things

than solving math problems in front of the class.

Nineteen children and two teachers were killed

at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas.

City leaders in Uvalde

are calling for privacy and compassion for the families

of the victims and survivors...

I remember watching the news

about the school shooting in Uvalde.

My daughter was two months old and sleeping in my lap

oblivious to what was happening

just a couple towns away from us.

Since that day, I keep wondering...

How can we keep her safe

in a world like this?

This morning, flags are flying at half staff across Texas

marking one year since one of the worst school shootings

in American history.

One year ago today, an 18 year old gunman

broke into an elementary school in Uvalde

killing nineteen children and two teachers.

For many, the reminders of the tragedy are everywhere.

With an uptick in school shootings

and the fears that come with them

a lot of Texas parents are wondering

how best to protect their kids

while setting them up for success in the future.

How can I help you?

Good afternoon.

I'm looking for a daycare for my daughter.

I wanted to gather some more information

if that's possible.

Yes, ma’am.

It might be an awkward question, but do you have a safety plan

in case of a school shooting happening?

We’re getting introduced to all this shooting stuff just now.

OK.

So, you know, we do lockdowns.

We do those kind of drills.

But right now with active shooter...

We are in the process of figuring all that stuff out.

- Ok. - It’s just, we never thought

that we’d have to be going to training for this.

Yeah, I’m asking because I’m...

I just moved here from Belgium, about four years ago.

And we never had a school shooting in Belgium.

So for me, this is all new. And I'm a bit worried about it.

You know, I was born and raised here in Austin.

And this whole Uvalde thing, I think that hit us home.

Being so close to Uvalde...

But yes, ma'am

we're hoping that never happens to us.

And we do have locked doors and all that good stuff.

Okay.

But, you know, active shooter plan?

Not yet.

Olivia!

Joshua!

Junior!

Laura!

Emma!

Go sit down, please.

Go sit down, baby.

Working with children, really makes a difference.

Sometimes you have a rough day...

Anything to warm up...

I got you!

And then you come over here and just a kiss and a hug

or a silly phrase....

In that moment you just laugh.

I am originally from Venezuela.

Over there, we deal with another type of safeness.

You go out and you know you cannot carry your necklace.

You know that you need to pay attention

of your surroundings and stuff like that

It’s a whole other level.

But you don’t have the fear to send your kids to school.

I can’t recall going to school...

feeling scared. Or my mom talking to me

“If somebody comes to school to shoot you

you’ve got nowhere to go.”

So I didn't grow up with that.

The hardest part in my job is caring for other kids

and having the responsibility of providing a safe environment

for them.

It is hard.

I don't want to carry the responsibility

of losing a child’s life on my hand.

I don't think I could live with that, so...

I don't think nobody could, you know?

That must be really hard.

So when Zaïra would go to this daycare

what would the safety plan look like here?

We have trained for lockdowns and unsafe buildings

and stuff like that.

But an active shooter, we haven’t.

So that's why we wanted to get training.

And if you look, you know, at last year...

Look at this, in 2022

not a single week passed

without at least four mass shooting events.

It's crazy.

And we say mass shooting, we’re talking about

four or more people that have been shot.

So that’s quite a few events.

You know, you can see, 646 mass shootings...

What is there, 365 days in a year?

So we're talking, what? About two a day?

That's numbers that we've never seen before.

But that's why this training has become so important.

And just as we prepare for fires and floods and tornadoes

and earthquakes.

Sadly we’ve got to start thinking about this stuff, too.

So what we're going to talk about today is really...

I want the teachers to be the best they can be.

Teaching the kids the proper way.

And you know, shaping those young minds.

I don't want them to be combat warriors.

That's not fair. They didn't sign up for that.

But when I saw the numbers and said

wow, less than half of early childhood programs

aren't prepared for an active shooter.

We’ve got to do something about that.

I don't want to minimize the impact

that you’re going to have as the initial responder.

Because your actions or inactions...

are really going to set the stage on how this goes.

We’ve got a bunch of options here.

We’ve got running, we‘ve got hiding

we’ve got fighting.

And I can't tell you specifically

which options are going to be best

because the situation you're in might be very different.

You know, if you're in the infant room

your options are very different

than somebody that's working with a four or a five year old.

So sometimes hiding might be the best choice

Sometimes running might be the best choice.

Sometimes, you're going to have no choice

but to defend yourself, right?

And we want to make sure that we practice those options

so that we become comfortable with them

and know what to do

in all sorts of different settings.

So here they are: run, hide and fight.

So let's look at the run option.

So we’ve got everybody out in under 20 seconds

which is, you know, simply amazing.

- What do you think Ron? - Very, very fast.

Everybody did really, really well.

- Good job ladies. - Excellent, good job guys.

Yay, Dante!

In terms of our hiding...

That's another option that we want to think about.

Our objectives are to stay out of sight

to put some barricades up

to make it as hard as possible to get to us...

and to keep the kids as calm and as quiet as we possibly can.

Now, the last part of the whole thing

is fighting if we have to.

We're really not just getting into a fair fight here.

We're trying to defend and survive.

But now we have to be thinking okay, if I'm in there...

And I'm trapped in there, I have no other way out.

What am I going to do?

Well, I'm going to grab this, right?

You know, first thing that I can find.

What if somebody comes in? I can squirt them in the eyes.

I can maybe hit him over the head with this.

I'm going to try to find anything that I can

to defend myself.

I just see those teachers standing there with like...

tools that they find, like blocks and stuff.

And I’m just wondering, how on earth

are they going to defend themselves

with somebody coming in with like a machine gun?

Well, I think there’s a couple different things

that we can, you know, think about.

A pair of scissors is obviously not going to be

a very good weapon of choice against a machine gun.

But I’ve got to tell you, if I'm pinned in a room

and that's the only thing I have...

I'm going to make a go at it

because I don't want it to be easy, to kill me

I'm going to make it as difficult as possible

for that person.

Maybe I can slow that person down.

Maybe I can buy some time

so that others aren't killed or injured.

So that's kind of what the mentality sadly has to be.

When Andy and I leave here

we hope that you'll continue practicing this.

And not just do this like once

once a year or once in a while, but do this on a regular basis

so you're already ready to go.

Because practice is going to make us prepared.

And the more we practice

the better it's going to be for us during any emergency.

I don’t know how you, you do a drill with babies?

I don't know how that works, to be honest.

The drill that you guys saw...

are the kids involved in these drills?

Well, what we saw

was like a training for the teachers.

Um, and so I think the teachers have to do that

with the kids a few times a year,

but we didn't really see that.

And I also don't think that the kids realize it yet

at that young age.

But I am worried about when the kids get older...

So if we put Zaïra there, when she gets older

when she starts to realize what this is about

what it’s going to do to her.

These sounds are clues for you

to tune in and get somewhere safe.

Excuse me.

We will be talking about: “Staying quiet!”

When we hear

“Lock down, locks, lights out of sight.”

We need to stay quiet in our hiding place.

Look at this picture of a quiet mouth.

What do you think it means to have a quiet mouth?

Yes, Alice.

It means you don't talk.

Very good.

It even means you don't whisper.

What would you do...

You're not in the classroom.

You're not with another teacher.

But maybe you're on the way to the bathroom.

You're all by yourself.

And...

You might hear an announcement that says: “run, hide, fight.”

Or you might hear a noise that sounds like a weapon.

Or maybe you see a bad guy.

You're all by yourself in the hallway.

What would you do in that situation?

If all the doors are closed

except the one of the first graders

- you can go in there. - That should be number one.

But let's say that there is no way to go into another class

because the doors are shut and they're locked.

Or, there's just nobody else in here

and you don’t know what to do.

You can hide somewhere on the playground, okay?

Schools are a very safe place to be.

You're safe here.

Last summer

when I found out about the school shooting

at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, Texas

I was so devastated by the news

that another school shooting had happened.

Every day that I walk my children to school

I say, I love you, and I watch them.

And just breathe

because that’s all I can do, and hope that...

everyone is doing their job

to protect them.

I'm doing my job to try and raise awareness

change the conversation

support people who are changing the conversation

because I don't have all the answers.

Welcome to this service, mourning those who have died

from gun violence.

This afternoon we’ll be reading the known names

of those who have died in Harris County, during 2022

from gun violence.

Today we are remembering

Texas gun violence victims.

It's too many.

And thinking about our children

who are being put in the line of fire.

Who are

being called to action

as if they were in military service

without choice and without protection.

You did 21 laps?

- Nice. - And I forced my ankle.

Well, maybe that's why your ankle hurts.

How was the rest of your lunch?

I'm sorry I could only stay for a few minutes.

All right.

You guys in Lego world now?

When I was researching the project

I thought about

how our children are essentially

playing war games at school.

Whether they want to or not, that this is their life.

And they’re having to do these active shooter drills

and lockdowns.

and they're playing

war games.

What happens during your drills?

Mommy doesn't know what you guys do?

Well, for the lockdown drills...

The principal will say on the announcement

“It's a lockdown drill. Lock your doors.”

And we hide behind our shelves.

But we can't do anything else.

Sometimes whenever we do the drills

no one ever tells us. Our teachers don’t tell us

if it's a real one or just practice.

So I get scared sometimes to see if it's real

or if it's just a drill.

And if we don't get up

and scoot our chairs quietly

and we're loud, we start over

and do it again until we can make it good.

- You want to show me? - Uh huh.

All right, say the drill.

Teachers, lock your doors.

Teachers, lock your doors.

This is a lockdown.

My daughter said that

it helps her to prepare.

And that makes me so sad...

to think that she has to prepare for such an event.

- Hi, nice to meet you. - Hi.

Thanks for being with us.

No problem.

I'm a professor of public health in New Mexico State University.

My research has focused on how schools are preparing.

And what would they do in certain situations.

So most schools in your neighborhood

my neighborhood, have security cameras

backpack checks, metal detectors,

locked doors, a lockdown drill

preparing students for a mass shooting.

This is a drill.

I repeat, this is a drill.

We are in a level three lockdown.

The problem is...

they have not been able to stop a mass shooting.

Get into the closet. Go in the closet.

Turn the light on, until we get in there.

Let's go, get the chairs up there. Let's go.

The rest of you, get in the closet.

Let's go.

Get in the closet!

There is no documented evidence

that we could stop a mass shooting

with this kind of an approach.

You're quiet.

Keep your hands to yourself.

And that’s a typical American school now.

It has become a war zone.

No one is asking

is this conducive to learning? Education?

Why are we creating this climate of fear?

A palace, a fortress.

No place in the world would you see this

in a developed nation.

There are studies to show that kids have felt vulnerable

and distressed because of these exposures.

And that's why the whole idea has become controversial.

We have fire drills

lockdown, tornado, earthquake.

Our last drill, a lockdown drill

we did like, a full thing.

We ripped apart the room, we grabbed tables

and we shoved it at the door like it was real.

All the kids were scared and...

I was scared because the mic did not say “lockdown drill”

or I didn't hear it.

So I thought it was a real lockdown.

I was trying my best to hide

and it made me a little scared and nervous because...

I didn't...

I didn't feel safe at school.

Nobody feels safe.

Nobody feels safe at school.

It's never really safe.

I don’t know, it's not really safe sometimes.

I think it'll probably happen in our school

because people sometimes go insane

and they might want to

like, take their anger out on kids.

So they might want to come to our school

and might take their anger out on them, by killing us.

Maybe.

I don’t... I really don't like it because

there's a lot of bad people in the world.

Yeah, we try not to think about it too much or else we...

We kind of get like...

- Like, thinking about it. - Nervous.

Kind of like “Oh a school shooting

is going to happen today”.

That's not something that you want to think about, right?

No...

I think that, some of the teachers

should have, like um, a pistol or something

hidden in the classroom to protect the students.

Yeah, I think that too.

Because, um...

Because if the person does have a gun

it would be nice to have some protection.

Like 22 rifles, 22 long rifles. At least a BB gun for our class.

For every single class.

It would cost a little bit, but...

it would be worth it for the school.

- For keeping the students safe. - Yeah.

It will cost a little bit

but it would keep the students safe.

I wonder if my daughter will feel the same.

When I was a kid

this never crossed my mind.

But I guess things were different back then.

And this is America.

The first year we moved here

we killed 38 rattlesnakes just on this road.

And now we might see three or four a year.

I was a high school teacher, for 20 years.

You started hearing of school shootings

and I would think what I would do.

I didn't want to...

watch something happen, or be a victim.

I wanted to be proactive.

I remember coming home from school

and talking to Jeff all the time about different scenarios.

What would I do if this happened?

What would I do if that happened?

I want to protect my kids.

So, we were able to collaborate together

and come up with a good system that would work for teachers.

The point of this is to have trained guardians.

You can put signs on your school that say, “we have armed staff”.

And that's a deterrent.

You're making the school a hard target

so somebody is not going to want to breach that.

And that's the number one goal of the Guardian Program.

The number two goal would be to actually use deadly force

in the event that there's a shooter.

So an important component about the school Guardians

is they're armed.

A lot of people think

we're just giving guns to teachers.

And that’s not it.

So part of our training includes scenario training on the campus.

So we have someone that's a bad guy.

We actually put the Guardian staff

in a shooting situation

where they have to defend themselves

or, take out the shooter.

And that's as close to realistic

as we can make it.

It's not just for teachers, it’s for all school staff.

Administration, maintenance, IT and stuff like that.

Most of those people are what we call “seekers”.

So if there's actually a threat on campus

they would seek the threat

to stop it.

And then we have what we call “classroom defenders”

like what Terry would have been.

We don't ever tell a teacher to leave their classroom.

They need to stay with their kids.

So if the shooter happened to come in that room

then they can defend that classroom.

So there's really two types of Guardians that we look at.

Based on history

a shooter has some tie to the school.

So you have to prepare yourself as much as possible

and not think of that student

as a student, but as a killer.

We tell them that if you do have to use

deadly force to stop a shooter

you're never going to be the same.

And the opposite is true.

What if I did not have my handgun

and let's say ten people were killed?

So that guilt is also going to weigh on that person

for the rest of their lives.

- Here's your weapon. - Thanks.

Here's your sword.

Okay, here we go.

I have to say that um...

The thought of this happening in my daughter's school....

- Yeah, it’s scary. - It scares me.

It is.

It's frightening.

Yeah.

Most of our people that go through that

it's pretty emotional.

Because it's on their home campus.

It's their turf.

Do you feel like this can be traumatizing to teachers?

Just going through the training?

Um, I think the scenario training can be to a point.

I don't think it gets to the point where

it's going to cause them problems.

But I think it's going to

help them face the reality of, if this happens

this is what it's going to be like.

And during that time, we have had some people

that we've had to expel from the program

or excuse from the program

expel is a horrible word

because at that point they didn't have...

they're not going to be able to defend against a threat.

They're probably going to become a victim.

And it's just...

Not everybody can do this.

How did it feel for you as a teacher carrying a gun?

I would say it did raise my level of confidence

and security.

And I even told my students, when I would introduce myself

and we would start the school year

I would say, “I just want you to know

that no matter what happens I’ll protect you with my life.”

“I'm here for you in every aspect, not just education.”

And, um...

You know, it's just the care that you have for your students.

It's natural.

By the way, they voted her “best teacher of the year”.

after that.

A lot of people have a tendency to do this.

They drop their firearm.

But when you're in combat, this is combat

you're going to lean out.

Okay. Just a little bit.

You're trying not to expose the rest of your body

because this is a target area for the bad guy.

I think it's interesting that you say, “this is combat”.

And I'm talking specifically about schools.

- You refer to it as... - Well, it’s combat training.

That's what it is.

A lot of this training, it comes from my experience

other law enforcement officers’ experience.

Military experience.

And it's, the way it's been described

and the way we describe it, because we want it to be bold

is combat training.

You are in combat

against someone who's trying to kill you.

The only other place that you see a situation like this

is on the battlefield, in a war.

We're not prepared for combat.

Do we have tools

to combat

an event?

Yes.

But we're not laying siege on anything.

We're not going to war.

We're going to protect.

So it's not combat...

it’s protection.

I don't know any educator

that wants to do this.

I don't want to have to have...

I don't want to have to carry a gun.

I don't want to have to have a bulletproof vest.

I don’t want to have to have any of that.

But the times in which we live...

are dictating that.

And so like everything else, we evolve.

And that's what we've done.

And as a result of that, we now have AR-15’s

as part of our weaponry

that we have here on school

stored in safes throughout the campus.

It's just another tool.

And so it’s just one other deterrent that we have

in case the bad guys want to do bad things.

In small towns, there are some limitations.

We have no local police department.

Our local sheriff's department...

The office is a minimum of 15 minutes away.

Even if they're running with their sirens on

it's going to take time.

So why do we give someone with bad intentions

more time?

You know, we will have

in essence, our own police force

our teachers, that choose to be armed.

Because my teachers will be closer to the action

than anyone else would be.

Did you ever have any outside threats

like, did something ever happen?

When I first got here in 2014

I actually had a teacher

go into a diabetic state.

He grabbed a gun and fired two shots.

And here I am.

I'm running after somebody that has a gun

trying to figure out what's going on.

And I'm like, you know

there's something not quite right here.

I'm running unarmed, towards a guy that is armed.

And I'm just like, okay.

And when we found him, he was passed out

and we had EMT, shortly afterwards and stuff.

And sure enough, it was very low insulin.

And he was... He wound up being okay

But, he didn't teach at Fayetteville ISD

for much longer after that.

- Can I ask another question? - Yeah.

Isn’t it kind of funny, that...

The...

The thing that got you into giving guns to teachers

was actually a teacher with a gun?

You know what?

I really never thought of it that way.

But yes, it is. It is a very interesting concept.

And, you know, I do...

see kind of the, you know

kind of the backwards thinking on that now.

So thank you for pointing that out.

But yet at the same time, you know...

You know, it's not fun.

It's not something we want to do.

But I think it's creating awareness

and I think it's creating, giving kids an understanding of

hey, I'm going to be protected

because these people care about me.

Guns are the leading cause of death

among children in the United States.

4000 children

will die of guns this year in the United States.

Wow.

- That's a very sad number. - That's a very sad number.

It’s a billion dollar industry to make schools safer.

But it's a false sense of security.

The fact remains that most of the children

who die of guns in the United States

die away from the school.

They're dying in the community

on the streets, in the household.

And so we have our priorities misplaced.

We react in the wrong places,

and then we have this blame game.

We blame Democrats, Republicans, immigration,

criminals, mental illness, too many guns.

Everything comes into play.

We have a great divide as a nation

on what should we do?

I don't really see...

how guns could help us feel more safe.

I've never...

until recently thought that I needed to protect my house.

Only, like during the pandemic did I start thinking

oh, maybe I need a gun for protection.

You know, because of the uncertainty

with everything that was going on.

I always thought of just having a shotgun.

Do you really think that if somebody breaks into the house

that you're going to shoot him?

I would shoot him in the legs.

Like, if some crazy guy breaks in here?

Right...

Trust me, I would not be trying to shoot anybody.

No, but that's what everybody says, right?

It's just for the bad guy.

- You know, it’s just.. - I’m just trying to understand.

It's for your, your mental, you know...

well-being.

It makes you feel better.

But, yeah.

It doesn't always work.

Obviously.

But, it makes you feel better.

Yeah. Okay.

That's why people do it.

Because they feel that they're afraid.

That's what this country is all about.

- Being afraid. - Right.

You know, we're all afraid so we feel like we have to...

So do you feel afraid then?

- In this country? - Yeah.

Like there's a lot of violence in this country.

It happens everywhere, all the time, so...

I don't know, sometimes, you know, I think about it.

It's a possibility. It could happen to anyone.

And that's a problem.

You know.

That people think that they need a gun?

That's a problem?

Yeah. Yeah.

And that there are guns everywhere.

So it's like

well, everybody else has a gun, so I better get a gun.

- When does it end? - Yeah.

Sometimes I wonder

if we should raise Zaïra here at all.

Yeah.

That's how I feel.

You're safe now.

You're in a safe space, you’re in a safe place now.

So let's begin on an inhale

with a count to four.

One, two, three, four...

And hold it there.

One, two, three, four

five, six, seven, and exhale.

Release

two, three, four

five, six, seven, eight.

So let's just ground.

Just notice your feet rooted to the floor.

Notice the seat supporting you where you're sitting.

Uvalde...

was a vicarious trauma

that everyone in Texas experienced.

How do we as a collective heal

from traumatic experience, right?

When something traumatic happens

we withdraw.

But then the other response is to kind of attack it

or create like a...

make it into the, like the bad guy, like...

We’re fighting against this big thing, right?

We're going to assault it back and we’re going to kill it.

We're going to make it go, right?

And so I think that can create more stress and fear.

One of the things that came out of the extreme fear is

drills in all public schools.

In my son's former school, during a lockdown drill

one of the teachers in the building

had forgotten to close her door.

And as the principal went around to check all of the doors

and that they were following all of their protocols...

He came upon her open door

and he entered into the room

and he went, “Bang bang bang bang!”

“You would be dead because you didn't close this door.”

“Don't ever make that mistake again.”

You know, which is fear and threat.

My daughter...

she did participate in shooter drills at school.

She seemed to handle it fine

but her peers were really scared.

One of the things I think she learned from a peer was

she was three years old, and she would come home

and you know, talk to me while I'm putting her to bed

about how

“If a bad guy would try to mess with me

I would just beat him up. And I would get him.”

So to hear that kind of talk from a three year old...

I was just like, why are you thinking about this?

It thinks I’m a bad guy.

Oh, ok. It sees me.

They’re coming.

I do want the schools, to be prepared

in the event of something catastrophic happening.

And at the same time, I don't want my child

to feel like they're under threat.

I want them to feel safe.

Like all parents, I want my kid to feel safe.

But what does that mean?

Hey pumpkin.

Want to see my stethoscope?

Oh, what is that?

Stories of gun violence

have become a part of my everyday life

in the most unexpected places.

Can we listen to your heartbeat?

Oh, there we go.

In stores, at playgrounds

even at our pediatrician's office.

Although if she starts daycare, we'll see you sooner, right.

So we do expect the average kid in daycare

to get about seven to ten colds a year.

Oh wow.

So, not uncommon to start seeing the runny noses.

So, we just kind of like to prepare parents

to get ready for a few more illnesses with daycare.

But a lot of times, it’s really fun...

When I found out you were doing this documentary

it just immediately was like, this is something

so near and dear to myself and my daughter.

As a pediatrician, we know the value of preparedness.

We do. We know the value of

a fire drill and a tornado drill.

But with kids, those kind of drills

they don't have a bad guy, right?

And so the notion of an active shooter drill

brings in an element of “there are unsafe people”.

And, um...

that is a whole different level of

of, um...

anxiety for kids.

Unfortunately, there's some reality too.

On January 26, 2021

so just a little over two years ago

we had a gunman come into our office

at the end of our clinic day

with the sole intention of killing a female physician

that day.

My daughter was dropped off

a few minutes before the gunman came.

At the time she was twelve. She already had some anxiety.

In fact, for years, she actually has had nightmares

about active shooters.

Even though prior to that she never experienced

any gun violence.

The idea for her that the boogeyman is now human

and really did do harm, became very real.

That day actually started off, not pleasant.

I had a fight with my dad and that ended up with

me feeling like wanting to die.

When my mom wanted to take me inside to her office

a group of people came outside, running.

There was a gunman inside the office

that had hostage equipment.

And we didn't know what his intentions were.

We just knew that there was a guy in the office

that had a gun.

The doctor that was inside that day

she was helping my mom

with finding like, stuff for my therapy

that specific day.

I remember my mom telling us that, like

she wasn't going to die.

And if anyone could go through a hostage situation escape

that would be her.

Because she just had this, like

way of talking that you could get along with her

even if you were like, a murderer.

And that's when my mom

told us all to run to the office next door.

I asked my mom like, a couple times, like:

“Are we going to die?”

What did she answer?

She couldn't answer...

because she didn't have an answer.

At the time that was the worst possible thing...

was silence and not knowing

if I actually was or not.

And that helped me realize, like, that's not what I want.

I don't want die, I want to live.

I want to experience life in a way that...

is amazing and fun and...

That's definitely not how I wanted to die.

We had hours of being concerned that our lives were in danger.

And to look at your child at twelve

laying on the floor.

And then six hours of SWAT.

My daughter had to watch a SWAT team

prepare over and over again, how to handle the situation.

And unfortunately, it did not end how we expected.

And she had to process, just like myself...

when they came and told us that, that our dear friend, her doctor

had been shot and, um...

I think we were honestly in shock.

We had no idea that that was going to happen.

Because, like...

Sirens.

Do they make you feel uncomfortable?

Yeah.

What is going through your mind, now that you're hearing them?

Just a lot of stuff.

When I hear sirens, I...

go straight to shootings. And I'm not safe.

Her lockdown drills now...

We have it set up where she does not participate

in active shooter drills at school.

So her counselor at school knows to pull her.

If I'm not working, I will go pick her up

and we will go have coffee.

Just because it is... It’s too much for her.

Yeah, it changes you.

Are you supposed to have a drill this week?

I'm not sure.

Honestly, nobody will know.

I'm usually the one that knows.

Yeah, I didn’t see a note from your counselor.

But they don’t send out an email to everybody?

No.

So you’re the only one that knows.

It's a surprise, even for the teachers.

Do they announce that it's a drill?

- Do they say: “This is a drill”? - No, no.

“This is a real emergency”, is what they say.

So what happens if someone's in the hallway?

The doors are locked so you can't go back in.

That's why I don't use the restroom at school

or go in the hallway.

Because you're afraid you're gonna get stuck

in a lockdown.

- Oh my... - Yeah.

It's kind of weird

because as much training as you get

the very person that may come up and shoot up your school

is going to have gone through the same training.

Oh yeah.

Kids out of America

they, like look at us like we're crazy.

Because honestly

they don't have to go through, what we go through.

And that is mind blowing, because that's...

that's our lives now.

I would love to wake up and go to school

and not have to worry about dying.

Not have to worry about getting a bulletproof backpack.

That sucks.

It sure does.

When do you have to do your debate?

- Wednesday. - Are you ready?

No...

I have to memorize the speech.

So do you remember how you’re starting your speech?

Run, hide, fight.

Run. Hide. Fight.

Three words you think you would never need to know

especially at school.

You would think school is a place to learn

but right now, it feels like it could be a place to die.

America shouldn't be like this.

Schools shouldn't be like this.

We need to become the kind of country that says

lives of children are more valuable

than the right to weapons that have killed them.

Time and time again.

Since Columbine.

Since Sandy Hook.

Since Red Lake.

Since West Nickel Mines.

Since Virginia Tech.

Since Oikos.

Since Umpqua.

Since Parkland. Since Santa Fe. Since Uvalde.

Since Northern Illinois's.

Since UT. Since West Side. Since Iowa.

Since Michigan State. Since Nashville.

Since...

The fact that I can name hundreds more makes me sick.

The question it comes down to

is kids or guns.

The Uvalde shooter reportedly used

an AR-15 style semi-automatic rifle

in the bloodbath at Robb Elementary School

in Uvalde, Texas

which is three hours away from us.

It took nearly 77 minutes

for nearly 400 law enforcement officers

to face an 18 year old with an AR-15

who murdered 21 people in just minutes.

Many were unidentifiable.

I grew up in Uvalde.

I was a bookworm.

I always loved reading.

I was much you know, very much a rule follower.

One time

I was chewing gum in class

and I got sent to lunch detention

because I was chewing gum in class

and that was not allowed.

And that was the only time I ever got in trouble.

Are you still a rule follower?

Because that's really funny that you say

chewing gum is like the worst...

Yes, yes.

Good girl!

When I was in second grade

my teacher asked me to go up to the board

and I was showing something to the students.

I think we were doing math.

I liked it. I like being up there

and, you know, the class following me.

And since then

I always knew that's what I wanted to do.

I wanted to be a teacher.

I started in 1993.

So 30 years I've been teaching.

I loved it.

And then it just turned...

you know, everything went bad.

On May 24th

we only had three more days of school to go.

So we... That day we were doing

some STEM projects with newspaper.

We were going to have a little race

and they were going to try out their newspaper shoes

to see who made the sturdiest shoes.

So we took some pictures.

I think we took about four or five pictures.

And so then they lined up

and we're getting ready to go outside.

And then my line leader

she's looking out the window and she says

“Miss... ”

“Miss Deming’s class came in...

“screaming and they ran in the room

and they slammed the door.”

And I said

“let me see what's, what's going on.”

So then, um...

she moves out of the way and I open the door

and I...

poke my head out into the hallway

to see, you know

if I could see what's going on.

And when I do that, I hear somebody screaming

“Get in your rooms, get in your rooms!”

So immediately I know something is going on.

I slam the door shut.

I turn off the lights.

We had blackout curtains so the room was very dark.

They all start running to the corner

where we usually do our lock down drill

and as soon as we're doing that

we start hearing the shots in the hallway.

Some of the girls start crying

and I'm trying to calm them down.

And I feel

something hit me...

in my stomach.

And so I put my hand immediately on there and...

And then I see that I have blood.

So I tell the kids

“Oh, no...”

“I’m shot.”

“Is anybody else hurt?”

They say, “No, no.”

And then by that point, I fall to the floor.

This bullet had to go through

three walls to get to me.

And...

and we keep hearing, we keep hearing...

Shots. More and more shots.

And it just sounds like, one right after the other

like that, just fire, fire, fire.

And, um...

They're scared. They’re scared for me.

But I tell them we need to stay down.

We need to stay quiet.

And, um...

I was praying, you know

I didn't want to die in front of my kids.

I didn't want them

you know, to go through that.

And then, my little girls, some of my little girls

that were next to me were patting me

and they were telling me

“We love you, Miss. You’re going to be okay.”

“It's okay.”

So they were very, very brave.

So what do you feel about

teaching kids

to go hide behind the corner to protect yourself

from a guy with a weapon like that?

That doesn't make sense, right?

The kids knowing what to do and, you know, trying to stay safe

helped in my, in my classroom

but in the classrooms where he was able to get in, you know

there was really nothing they could do.

There was nowhere to hide, you know.

If the same thing would have been

in my classroom too, if he had entered...

There really wasn't...

much, that we could have done.

So, um...

I really don't know that

the drills are the solution either.

We need...

we need more.

In the beginning, it was so hard.

In the hospital, the first two weeks...

I couldn't tolerate any noises.

Any sudden sounds would trigger me back.

Whenever I would

hear noises, I would...

I would start panicking

and I would start crying uncontrollably.

I couldn't be around anybody. I just had my sister.

I did everything.

You know, I followed all the protocol

for the drills and everything.

I still ended up getting injured.

He never came to my classroom, but I still ended up...

So it's like you say, how do you prepare for that?

Wear a bulletproof vest every day, I guess, I mean...

- Bulletproof walls? - Bulletproof everything.

Bulletproof our life. I mean...

Live in a bubble?

Live in a bubble? It’s crazy.

Because now even y'all here now, are doing the drills, right?

It's supposed to be instant.

So, when they tell you: do this

you automatically know what to do.

Yeah, I just sit in my office.

Okay, how am I going to dig my way out of here?

- You know, I start thinking... - I know, that’s scary.

That's me, when I go somewhere...

Grab my gun.

Because I don't know if she told you

I do carry a gun.

Do you really feel comfortable stopping an active shooter?

If somebody is coming at me

you think I'm not going to defend myself

If I know how to shoot back?

I wouldn't hesitate.

- I would not hesitate. - You’re different than me.

I guess because you're in a different setting.

You're in an office and you're by yourself.

I'm with...

- You're with kids. - 20 kids, you know.

You're with kids.

I would have to think, you know.

Well no, even then.

More so.

- To protect them? - To protect them.

- Then I’m not a gun person - You're not a gun person.

You're afraid of guns.

You don't like, You don't like them at all.

I've never been afraid of them.

We're just different that way.

Yeah.

I even practice to make sure that

I shoot, you know...

to stop the person.

How do you how to, where to stop them.

- Where do you have to shoot? - Body mass.

- I don’t even... - Or artery.

But that's harder to shoot up here.

That's why you, full body mass.

But wouldn't you shoot at their hand...

Their shooting hand?

No, because if you miss, they're going to shoot you.

That's true. See?

So y'all study all that when you take those classes?

- Yes. - Oh, ok.

Now you know, sister.

We should feel safe when we're around you.

I guess you can protect us.

Well, I’m going to try, yeah.

That's true.

How many more guns

do people in the United States need

to feel better, to feel safe?

There is no end to it.

Uvalde, Texas.

There were so many good guys

standing outside and not confronting the bad guy.

So how long can we just fixate on the bad guy.

I don't want to become this person

that feels the need to go get a gun

to protect myself.

Yeah.

I just don't want to be like that.

That person.

And I don’t...

I just don't want to worry about her the whole time.

And I don't want her to grow up like that, so...

You know.

I don't want her to think about all this shit.

It’s ridiculous.

Yeah, to live in fear is just a horrible way to live.

I don't think people realize the effects that it has on you

- and your well-being. - No.

If you’re...

afraid to send your kid to school

You're afraid to go to the grocery store.

So for me, this is not a safe place

for a kid to grow up.

I don't want to have that anymore.

It's not worth it.

- No, it’s not. - It's not worth it.

I think after all of this, that

me and my husband kind of came to the conclusion

that we should raise our kid in Belgium and not here.

Not only because

there might be a school shooting

but also, there might be a drill going wrong

there might be a teacher that loses it

that is carrying a gun, you know.

Yeah, I...

I don't fault you for your thinking

and for your logic. And I can only imagine

how kind of jarring, or shocking

coming here and seeing this firsthand must be.

It really must be, quite the experience.

It is, yeah.

It is an embarrassment when...

we all think we live in the best country in the world

and we can't really solve this problem.

And other countries really don't have this problem.

Because I do think there are steps that could be done

but we just have chosen not to do it for whatever reason.

It saddens me to see

you say something like that.

And I get where you're coming from.

I would absolutely leave.

It's not to say there aren't good people here.

And it's not to say that changes aren't happening.

They're just not happening fast enough.

And why would you stay if you have another option.

Do y’all have lockdown drills in Belgium?

No we don’t. We never had one.

- Ever? - Ever.

We also never had a school shooting.

Oh my gosh...

That's crazy.

So, and here's the question I ask.

Okay, so yeah, you have a problem with this.

What's your solution?

How should we protect kids?

How should we save kids’ lives?

The best way to do that within our laws over here

is to use deadly force with a firearm.

And that's just the way it is.

And it's always going to be like that.