All language subtitles for Scorpion.S03E05.720p

And, Happy Quinn,
do you take this man

to have and to hold,
for better or worse,

richer or poorer,

in sickness and health, for as
long as you both shall live?

Sure.

By the power vested in me,

I pronounce you husband
and wife.

Okay, then.

You may kiss the bride.

Oh, right.

Yes.

So you did kiss her!

It's not like we enjoyed it.
Exactly.

It was gross.

Come on.

I don't want to hear any more.

I just want to focus
on convincing the INS

that your marriage
is not a fraud.

'Cause the sooner you get
your citizenship,

sooner you get divorced,
sooner we can tie the knot,

and give a legit home to the
genius bun in Happy's baby oven.

It's going to be okay.

Huh? Huh?
Our honeymoon album.

It's... Tahiti!

We used Photoshop.

INS couldn't tell six years ago
when we were first vetted,

so we'll be able
to dupe them again.

There's no joy.

There's no emotion.

Who was your INS case worker,
Mr. Magoo?

Mr. Haverbrook.
He was 82.

We were one of his last
cases before he retired.

He had cataracts.

Talk to my insurance
carrier; it's all covered.

Well, you found the mess,
now you clean it up.

Proctologist?

24-hour plumber.

Pipe in my kitchen burst
water everywhere

and now they found a rupture in
the main line going to my house.

Is that why you're
here on a Friday night?

Nope! Sly mentioned that you
picked up a private job

at the Los Angeles
Museum of Science and History.

There's a couple of traveling
exhibits I want to see:

Birds of Prey
and Weaponry Pavilion.

How'd you pull off getting
to do it at night

away from the crowds
and tourists?

The imaging equipment that
we're using requires us

to turn off the security
sensors in the facility,

or it will interfere
with our readings.

If we did it in the day and

someone knew that the security
was off, then--

Someone could walk off with
a priceless artifact. Copy.

Too much pizza?

No, Happy's had morning sickness
and I'm feeling sympathy pains.

Seriously?

You want your stomach to hurt?
I can make it hurt for real.

Hey. Why the hostility?

I'm sympathizing
with your pain,

which could be ameliorated
if you'd just

eat more foods high
in iron and protein.

You're micro-managing.

'Cause I'm macro-worried!

You are carrying the
product of our love!

Not to mention some vigorous
whoopee-making, huh?

He tried to get me to eat
steak and eggs

from Kevelsky's this morning.

I can't eat steak in the a.m.

It's fuel for the growing seed I
planted in your fertile pasture.

I'm done here.
Follow me, and I'll kick you

in the place that will end
your seed-planting days forever.

You see how ornery she is?

She doesn't merely prefer to be
married before the baby comes,

she has a very real
psychological need

to be married before
that baby comes.

I know what she wants.

Not what she wants.
What she needs.

She grew up in a dozen
orphanages and foster homes.

Our child being born into
a complete fully functioning

legally-bound family
represents security.

The thought of that not
happening causes her

intense stress, and intense
stress hurts the baby.

So you need to get
your citizenship ASAP

and divorce the mother
of my child,

so that I can marry her before
the infant becomes an outfant.

Maybe I could expedite matters.

Expedite what? How?

I ask the INS to expedite
Walt's citizenship application.

I can't pull any strings
per Se,

'cause his marriage is a sham.

If I get caught asking for
a favor, my career is cooked.

But?
But if I explain that Walt

is a government contractor
working on high-clearance

international cases,
I could argue that

he could get in and out
of the country faster

if he was a citizen carrying
a U.S. passport.

They could move his paperwork
to the front of the line.

Why am I just hearing
about this now?

It's risky.

Expedited review

means extra scrutiny.

Extra scrutiny could uncover
our marriage as bogus

and get me deported, so the best
move is to just wait it out,

so I get my citizenship
through the normal channels.

So speeding things up was
an option, but you didn't

consider it 'cause it could
affect you negatively.

How about me?

Or Happy? Or Tobias
Merriweather Curtis Jr.?

Merriweather?
It's a family name.

Once again, you've
mastered the art of

thinking only of yourself.

He's just upset.

Call INS.
Try to speed things up.

Okay.
If you say so.

Paige called.
Ralph's at the sitter,

she and Sly are headed
to the museum.

Let's hit it.

Maybe a case where no one's
shootin' at us

will take everybody's
mind off of things.

What exactly are you doing
at the museum, anyway?

As you can see,

the decay on the pillar
expanded rapidly

over the past several weeks.

Growth rate is 538%,
but that's just an estimate

because visitors in security
film are blocking my view.

Wish someone would block my
view of you, Crocodile Dundee.

It's ornithology wear.

The Birds of Prey exhibit has
a world-class

trained falcon named Reginald.

Trained birds
are an abomination.

You really think that majestic
creature wants to dance

for the man every time the
Pied Piper blows his flute?

Pied Piper controlled rats.

Whatever. You look like the
man from Curious George.

Guys,

maybe we can save
this riveting conversation

for after the job is done?
Can we do that?

Yes.

I'm-I'm not sure.
His outfit's really awful.

You were saying, Ms. Stafford?

Well, um, we've had
four archaeologists

give cursory visual exams
to the piece.

But none are certain
what's caused the decay,

nor are they willing
to take samples

or work on the pillar,
because it's so fragile.

Worried about lawsuits
if they make it worse.

Damn lawyers.

Exactly.
Scorpion's the only group

that'll work without
insurance coverage.

I've been trying to get them
to let me buy insurance

for two years.

Humans need insurance coverage.

We're Scorpion.
We don't make mistakes.

I can't find my binoculars.

Ah.

Ms. Stafford, we can help
solve your problem.

Digital tomography of the pillar
will show exactly where

interior instability lies.

I'll calculate its
load-bearing capacity.

And a software we designed
will let me engineer a rebuild.

And I'll use six specialized
biochemicals I mixed myself

to pinpoint what
molds, bacteria,

or polysaccharides are
causing the problem.

Thousands of years ago,

fungi was used to adhere
concrete, and those spores

could've been reactivated
from L.A. pollution,

Pacific salt air,
or something else.

We'll identify the issue and
stop it from happening again.

Yes, we're anxious
for you to begin.

Well, let's get
crack-a-lackin'.

My Happy needs her sleep.

Before you do,
a few things:

as you know,
the alarm system's off

so you can use your machinery.

You'll be locked inside
till morning.

Interior security gates
are engaged at every exit.

But in case of emergency,

the two guards have keys
to let you out.

Finally,

this museum is full
of irreplaceable pieces.

Like Hebe,
daughter of Hera and Zeus.

It alone is worth
over $10 million.

Please be careful.

Everything will go smoothly.

Wonderful.
Lockdown's in 15 minutes.

So if there's more equipment
in your cars, get it now.

Otherwise, see you in 12 hours.

Good luck...

and thank you.

See you later, suckers.

I'm gonna go check out
some weapons.

Damn it!

I only got five
of the six chemicals.

I forgot to mix the last one.

What do you mean, you forgot?

I packed a bottle of
this indigestion medicine

'cause I was gonna use
its bismuth subsalicylate

for a little kick to my potion.

I saw I had six bottles in
the bag, my mind registered

I had what I needed
when I really didn't.

I've been a little
distracted lately. My bad.

I'll drive you back
to the garage

so you can whip up
what you need.

Thanks.

In case you get cold later...

Studies show that warm incuba...

Toby, she's fine. Come on,
you're holding everybody up.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Is something that I'm doing
interfering with your life?

Gee, I wonder how that feels.

That's okay.
Okay? Go.

I love you.

Go.

Well, since we can't do
anything till Toby gets back

and you guys are setting
up the DT scan, I was...

You can go see the falcon.

Excelsior.

Lead aprons are heavy.

Oh, yeah, speaking of which,

I will handle the scanner,
and you wait in the hall.

Excuse me?

Radiation and pregnancy...

Aren't an issue for
a low-level DT scan,

when I take precautions.

I've already got one man in
my life telling me what to do.

I don't need another.

Understood.

Who's a handsome boy?

Reginald is!

Oh!

Falco tinnunculus.

Chestnut plumage, dark iris,
yellow talons:

just waiting to snatch up
a little field mouse.

But you can't snatch me
up, no, 'cause...

you're in your little pokey.

I was just kidding... Reggie.

Something wrong, buddy?

That was
a distress cry.

You hear something?

Don't worry, fella,
just sit tight,

and I'm gonna get you some help.

Sweet.

Pardon me, sirs. Reginald
is acting incredibly agitated.

I was just wondering if
there's perhaps an overnight

veterinary service...

Injection marks?

Cabe, do you copy?
Cabe, do you hear me?

Cabe?

Security footage.
Phones?

Someone must be using jammers
to block our communication.

We gotta get out of here.

Okay, uh...

Pardon me, fellas.
Just looking for keys.

Just looking for keys.
Okay...

Oh...
Okay, no keys.

This is bad.

Sly?

Cabe?

Cabe, we have a problem.

Yeah, I kind of
figured that out.

What the heck
is happening?

The guards were
drugged unconscious,

and now you're
stockading people?

Oh, no, this guy
didn't have a gun.

You don't break in to a place
like this unarmed and alone.

Which means he's got friends
in here that are strapped.

We gotta tell Walter and Happy
that we're in trouble.

I think they already know
we're in trouble.

♪ Scorpion 3x05 ♪
Plight at the Museum
Original Air Date on October 24, 2016

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
take it easy.

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

They tied us well. Don't bother.

I'm not trying to untie.
Those guys had some

dirt on their clothes and it's
itching the hell out of me.

Yeah, well, we got bigger
problems than scratchy skin.

They lured us here.

What do you mean? They
don't even know who we are.

No, but they knew
someone like us would come.

It can't just be a coincidence
that those criminals

chose to infiltrate the museum
the same night

that we have to shut off
the security system.

They compromised the pillar.

Probably with
some corrosive.

Remember Sly said
the tourists

were blocking his view
of the pillar.

I bet you those
were the bad guys.

With their backs turned to the
cameras they quickly sprayed

some astringent on the pillar
over a course of weeks...

Knowing experts would be
called in with imaging equipment

to examine the damage.

And the security systems
would have to be shut off.

This whole thing
was a setup.

We just happen to be the
patsies who took the job.

What do you think
they were stealing?

No idea.

All I know
is that those two thugs

think that we're
the only people in here,

so hopefully Sly and Cabe
know what's going on

and are trying to figure out
how to get us free.

I-I thought you never
left anyone behind.

If we try to untie them,
we could get caught

and I don't
have a gun.

We need to get
reinforcements.

Now we know what
they're up to.

They're stealing gems.

We need to get to
the authorities.

That is a formidable gate.

Oh, are you kidding?

You can't lift that.

There's no way we can
call anybody for help.

Calm down.

Those guys are focused
on what they're stealing.

They think they've caught
the only two people in here.

So we've got
the tactical advantage.

What about the guy
from the stockade?

They don't hear from him
for long enough,

they go looking for him,
and then he tells them about us.

And that's why we got to
figure out how to get word

to Toby and Paige
as fast as we can.

You're the genius.
Come up with something.

There is a way.

But it's unconventional.

You're sending a bird?

Not a bird.

A falcon.

Just got to mix
these biological agents.

- Shouldn't take long.
- Okay, but you better hustle.

You know how Walt gets when
efficiency is compromised.

You don't
have to tell me.

Hey, speaking of ol' Wally-boy,
it's kind of crazy

he's been married
this whole time, don't you think?

I don't know. It's not like
it's a real marriage.

Real enough to screw up my life.

You're not mad? I mean,

he was smoochin' you while
he was hitched to my girl.

That's kind of messed up.

No, 'cause any smooching we did
was a mistake

to begin with.
Besides, I'm...

with Tim now, so it's all moot.

Man. Ow.
What-- are you okay?

Yeah, it's just,
my nipples are sore.

I'm experiencing
commiseration lactation.

Don't even want to know.

It's when the male partner
of a pregnant woman

or woman who recently
gave birth also lactates.

That's insane. You're insane.

A 38-year-old Sri Lankan man
nursed his daughters

when his wife died
during childbirth.

Also, male Indonesian
fruit bats.

And in the 1896 compendium

Anomalies and
Curiosities of Med...

Toby, look at me.

You're a man of medicine,
and in medicine

rare things happen
rarely, right?

So...

do you really think
you're lactating

and-and getting
morning sickness?

No.
So why are you having symptoms?

Because I'm scared to death.
Not for me to be a father,

but for Happy to be a mother.

Nurturing, kind and patient

are not the hallmarks
of Ms. Happy Quinn.

I might have
to mama bear this cub.

It's not like I know what to do.

Maybe I should wax my chest
in case the milk comes.

Take a deep breath, listen.

I am raising Ralph alone
and there are two of you,

so that makes it
easier right there.

Happy has her quirks,
so do you-- so what?

Parents don't have
to be perfect,

they just have to be there,
and loving.

So, you both
gonna love that baby?

With all our hearts.
I already do.

So you'll be golden.

Okay, buddy?

Okay, I'm gonna
call Tim in Denver

and see how the Homeland
Conference is going.

Hey.

If we're half the parents
you are, our kid'll be lucky.

Thank you for the pep talk.

No problem.

Now shake a leg
and finish up those chemicals.

We need to get back.
Oh, if there were any issues,

we'd have heard from 'em.

Thieves. Guns.
I'm sure they'll get the gist.

How are they gonna
get the message?

Well, you're going to
put this on Reginald's anklet

and then he is going
to fly it to our friends.

How come
I got to deal with

the sharp-taloned beast?
Because,

while I love birds,
I am wholly terrified of them.

How's he gonna know
where he's going?

Reginald was trained to fly
on this pulse anklet.

He'll only fly
when it pulses,

so I'll program
the approximate amount of time

to get him to the garage.
But we got to do this fast,

because they might not be
at the garage for much longer.

He's just gonna land outside
and wait for the doc?

Well, as long as
he picks up on Toby's musk.

Recent research indicates
the migration patterns of birds

are heavily decided by scent.

So now we just need something
with Toby's stink on it.

That's a dumb idea.

Yeah, well, if I can
get to the chromic acid

that Toby was gonna
use to clean the pillar, then

it might be able
eat through the rope.

How exactly do you
plan on pouring

caustic chemicals
with your feet?

One problem at a time.

You know what?

It's not happening.

We need a real plan.

Well, I invite you
to offer one up.

I say we climb up the banner.

We got to be quiet. They're in
the gem room down the hall.

Put this on before you climb up.

Are you gonna mother me, too?

We need this to get out of here.
Now trust me.

All right. All right.

You go first. Hurry.

That's it, that's it.

Come on, come on, come on.

Shh, shh, shh.

Okay.

No, no, no, no, no....

That was
a $10 million statue.

Not anymore.

You guys really need
to get insurance.

Now go.

So, I had another worry.

What if our kid's stupid?

That's a terrible thing to say.

I don't mean stupid.
I mean like you.

That isn't any better.

I mean not a genius.

Genius is hereditary,
it's not guaranteed.

We could have a normal.

I do not relate well to normals.

Happy neither.

Well, if I can raise a genius
child, you can raise a normal.

Trust me, raising a genius child
isn't easy.

I have five of them.

What?

Oh.

I see what you did there.
That's very funny.

Oh! Kovelsky's up ahead.
Pull over.

No, we got to get back.
No, pull over. I'm hungry.

I want to get
some steak and eggs.

Bull.
You want it for Happy.

Don't you remember our
conversation in the garage?

It was great.
It's still sinking in.

Come on.

I'm obsessing over my kid.
You should understand that.

Fine.
Sly's gonna be annoyed.

He didn't want
to stay up all night.

Oh, please.
He's enjoying quality time

with his feathered friend.

Reginald.

What's taking them

so long?

Sorry we're late.

To the point that we missed

our window for Reggie
to catch Toby and Paige

back at the garage.
By my calculations,

they're now at
Fairfax and Third.

And there's no way for a falcon

to pick up a scent
inside of a moving car.

What if they're not in a car?

They're not gonna
walk back here.

Fairfax and Third
is near Kovelsky's.

If I know Toby,
he'll stop

to get me those damn
steak and eggs.

He'll be out of the
car, on the street.

I can work with that.

I'm connected wirelessly

to the anklet that Cabe

put on our flying
vertebrate earlier.

I just need to readjust

pulse duration for
the new location and, blammo,

he's headed for Kovelsky's.
We just got to prep the bird.

Give me your sweatshirt.
Shh.

Shh.

Okay, okay...

Get a beakful of this, Reggie.

This is the man
you're looking for.

That should be enough
for him to get a scent.

Time to let him out.

Soon as I do this,

it's gonna draw attention to us.

So be ready to run.

Setting the pulse now.

Fly, Reggie, fly!

Run!

_

Come on!

I'm not fast!

Pied Piper controlled rats.

Why the hell are you stopping?

Keep going.
I've got an idea.

High iron, high protein.
Steak and eggs does a baby good.

I ate French fries and
ice cream, and Ralph's fine.

It's the exception,
it's not the rule.

Okay, here's a rule:
dumb it down.

Okay, when I was pregnant,
Ralph's dad Drew was fantastic.

You know why?
He wasn't smart.

He didn't try to tell me
what I needed; he just asked.

So when I craved salty-sweet,
he gave it to me.

You are a genius, so you
like to solve problems.

But pregnant women
do not want solutions.

Happy wants an errand boy
who's a good listener.

So for once in your life,
Toby, don't be so smart.

What the hell, man?!
What?

Wait, is that the
falcon from the museum?

Can't tell. My vision's a little
blurry from the heart attack.

There's a note.

You owe me $13.50 plus tip.

Oh, God.

"Thieves in museum-- guns--
we're trapped-- no comms"?

"Guards drugged-- gate
still locked-- bring help."

Oh, my God. We got
to call Homeland.

Cabe's prisoner
is gone.

There's no way he busted out
of those stocks.

His people freed him.

Well, they're
at full strength now.

We're even at four to four.

But we're outgunned.
Many to zero.

Are we even safe in here?

We're not safe anywhere.

They're focused on the robbery,
but I'm pretty sure

they've got one or two guys
searching for us.

Guys we know nothing about.

They're Aldorrian,
for whatever that's worth.

I could tell from their
dialect of Spanish.

Aldorrian?

They've been involved in
a vicious border war for years.

They've been getting shellacked
recently.

Okay, so long-term conflict with
a much more powerful neighbor.

They rob a gem exhibit to fund
an outmatched military.

Why so far from home?

There's plenty
to steal in South America.

Yeah, and why would they
steal a few million in gems

when this place
has a lot more

valuable stuff?

Because it's not about money--

it's about a bomb.

There's an asteroid
in this exhibit.

Its core contains
an extremely rare substance

called tantalum-181.
That's what they came here for.

Peralta.

How do asteroid guts
make a bomb?

They don't.
They make it worse.

Does Aldorria have
nuclear weapons?

Intelligence reports
they have one,

a black-market

Soviet relic.

They're gonna
salt it.

Come again?
Salting is a process

that ups the radioactivity
of a nuke's fallout

by encasing the weapon in
a jacket of tantalum-181,

which is transmuted upon
detonation into tantalum-182.

And let me guess,
two's worse.

Much. That weapon's gonna hurt
a lot more people

for a lot longer time.

And we can't let that happen.
Okay,

so maybe we just
find someplace to hide

and let Toby and Paige
bring the cops and such.

'Cause I don't want
to get shot at again.

That's not an option.

One, we don't know
if the falcon got to them.

Two, those thieves clearly found
a way to sneak

into the building,
so when they get what they need,

they'll be able
to sneak back out again.

Three, I was expecting
a quiet night at the museum,

not tangling with
Aldorrian asteroid pilferers.

The only way to stop those guys
from stealing something

with lethal potential
is if we steal it first.

To get the goods, we're gonna
have to lure them out of here.

So we're gonna go
medieval on their ass.

Oh, that sounds violent.

There's no violence.
It's a con

right out of the
Hundred Years' War.

The English army
was low on supplies,

so they lured the French
away from their camp

so the Brits
could rob it.

How'd they pull it off?

By making the French believe

that a massive army
was assembling nearby.

So first up,
we assemble an army...

We do that by taking
a video display

from the Great Wars exhibit.

We use one of FDR's speeches.

He had an authoritarian voice.

We'll make it sound like a cop
with a bullhorn

by refracting the sound waves

over the varied textures and
curvatures of early pottery.

That was expensive.

No matter how long

it may take us...

King Franklin
should get their attention.

And when they clear
out, we go in.

They were drilling blindly,

but with our DT scanner,
we can find

the most direct path
to the core.

Got the fastest route
to the tantalum.

And finally,

here,

Sylvester and I make
enough noise

so they don't

hear you
drilling into

the space rock.

Freeze!

Go, go.

I hit the core.

I just have to slowly back
the bit out.

Alto!

Oh, no.

What?

The bit's stuck.
I can't get it out.

You have to.
We have to get the tantalum.

Those guys
are gonna be back soon.

This ain't
The Sword in the Stone,

and I am not King Arthur.

Did Cabe happen
to mention

if the English Hundred Years'
War strategy had a backup plan?

Those guys are gonna be
back any second.

We have to get
the tantalum out.

Back up.

Effective.

Come on!

We can't talk to the others

if the jammer's still killing
the signal at the museum.

Well,
that's why I'm building this.

Comm jammers
they're using sucks up

signals from cell phones,
radios, everything.

This baby I'm wiring
will sniff it out.

We find it, we disable it.

Hold on.

What are you doing?

Switching from defense
to offense.

Cabe, that is a 3,000-year-old
Phoenician whaling harpoon.

Damn right.
And I'm going fishing.

Come on, let's hustle.

Getting warmer,

warmer,

hotter!

There! Jammer's
in that grating.

Me. Your shoulders. Now.

Uh... big breakfast this
morning?

Man up!

How long are we staying here?

Until we and this tantalum
can get out of here safely.

But since they have
guns and we don't,

I'm not sure
when that will be.

Hey.

Toby and Paige
will come through.

Your baby's
gonna be fine.

I know Toby believes that
I only think about myself,

but I will do what is necessary
to protect your family.

Even if that means that I have
to go back home to Ireland.

You are home.

We're not losing you,
and we're not

breaking up Scorpion.

We'll do whatever it takes.

You talk nonsense
like that again,

I'll punch you in the neck.

Toby's a fortunate guy.

You know, I know ours
isn't a real marriage,

but since the day I met you,
you've been a faithful friend,

you've come through for me when
I needed it, you've helped me

build Scorpion
from nothing.

That's loyalty,
selflessness,

collaboration. If those are
the traits that one looks for

in a spouse, then
you've been a...

You've been
a great wife.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Wait. Wait. More to the left!
I can't reach it.

Trained at Harvard,
not Cirque Du Soleil.

I got it!

Okay. Now I just got
to deprogram it.

Hey. Guess it's
deprogrammed.

Guys? It's us.
Do you copy?!

Loud and clear.

We're here, guys.
Where are you?

We're at the main
doors with Homeland!

Interior gates are still down.
Fire department's

coming with equipment to cut
through, but it'll take time.

Are you guys safe?

Yeah, we're hiding.

Those thieves didn't
come for the gems.

They came to steal
tantalum-181.

That sounds bad.

Yeah, later
I'll explain how bad.

Well, we stole it first.

They're still here,

but I am gonna get the tantalum
to you through the gate.

Walter,

just stay
in position.

Men are actively
hunting for us.

Then I got to get the
tantalum out of here.

Well, I have a gun.

I can come and
provide cover for you.

All right, we're at the
New Americas exhibit.

We're not far from
the main entrance.

We're all the way
in the east wing.

You're gonna have
to give me a minute.

The longer I wait, the greater
the chance that they find me.

Walter.

Hey, you said it.

This could hurt a lot of
people for a long time,

so you stay here
and you stay hidden.

Walter!

Oh, my God,
do something!

I don't have a clean shot!

Walter?

Are you all right?!

No! He got the tantalum.

Post at every exit!
They got a master key.

Wait. On your face--
is that red dirt?

It's from the guy
who tackled me.

Happy got some on her earlier.

Walter, that's it-- the dirt.

That's how
the thieves got in here.

Same way
that they're getting out.

We got to go to Mars.

Great.
A scary tunnel.

During those weeks they put
corrosive on that pillar.

Some of that time was busy
digging this tunnel.

Those dusty bastards
got a good head start.

Tunnel has to be
several blocks long

'cause they couldn't
have just dug it out

in the middle of the city.
They needed privacy.

The only shot we have is
to have the agents fan out

and catch 'em
when they climb out.

Covering every
possibility? Impossible.

There's no way to tell
where this tunnel leads.

But there could be.

First, I'll need Toby's bottle
of antacid

- for its ingredients.
- Bismuth

subsalicylate burns bright.

Exactly, so we need
to make a flare. Now, Paige,

get to the roof next door now.

And, Toby, make sure

that the Homeland agents
are ready to move.

Guys...

now we go shopping.

First, some sugar

and ammonium nitrate
from a cold pack.

And then a length of hemp.

Sorry.

All right. It's not pretty,
but it should work.

Paige, look for the light
at the end of the tunnel.

Doesn't even know
he made a joke.

Okay, Walter, I'm on the roof!

The tunnel could
let them out anywhere,

so keep your eyes open.

Fire in the hole!

Walter,

where the hell are you?!

Little help here!

Okay, close it.

It should blow

any second.

I see it!

The tunnel opens at the corner
of Sixth and Grand!

Homeland.

Hands in the air.

Feel free to wave them like

you just don't care.

I'd care if I were you,

'cause you're going to prison.

Hey, I heard
from St. Joe's.

Museum guards are awake
and doing fine.

Can't say the
same for Reginald.

He looks depressed.
Think he misses me.

Why do you look down?

I got a call from the plumber.

They found mold.

I'm never stepping foot
in your house again.

I got to get a full abatement,
clear out for two weeks.

This sucks.

Good news
for you guys, though.

Considering the people
you helped catch today,

the federal government's gonna
cover all damage to the museum.

Sweet.

Provided you get insurance.

Ain't my money.

Hey.

Just want to thank you
for the advice earlier.

I will do my best
to follow it.

It's just I've, um...

I've never been a dad before.

You know?

Me, neither. But, um,
I've been a parent

for a while, so if
you ever need anything,

my desk is the one right
in front of yours.

Thanks.

You know, holding my hand

doesn't fall
within your job description.

No, but it falls
within my "friend" description,

so, that desk right there.

Don't be a stranger.

Solar panels
coming along?

I'm gonna have this garage
green in no time.

What you got there?

It's a divorce gift
for your baby.

It's hideous

and heavy.
It's protective.

Did you know that
on aircraft,

you're exposed to as much
radiation as a chest X-ray?

I'm a genius.
I know most things.

Well, what if you're on a plane with
Tobias Merriweather Curtis Jr.?

Merriweather?

Yeah, I need to tell you
something about my middle name.

It's Merriweather.

You said it was Marcus.

Anyway, this beanie
reduces radiation exposure

to a brain that does not yet
have a fully-formed skull.

I call it, "The Lead Head."

I cannot believe it.

You actually invented something
worse than the U-Dog.

Mine fits fine.
I feel dizzy.

Nope.

It's just a prototype.

But I want... I want you to know

that I care about
your family, Toby.

And I'm sorry that I held back

on getting my citizenship papers
expedited.

It's okay.
That's a sticky situation.

Zero out of ten doctors
think that is a good idea.

You know what
is a good idea?

Me stopping being such a
pip about your pregnancy.

It's a you-terus,
not a me-terus.

Don't say "me-terus" again.

Done. See?

I'm here to give you
what you want

during your pregnancy.

So, my fruit-bearing beauty,

my expecting engineer,

my romantic mainstay
who's in the family way,

I have just one more
question for you.

What do you need?

Remember that
strawberry-rhubarb pie

I had at that roadside stand
last month?

A craving, just like
Paige's salty-sweet thing.

This I can do for you.

That stand's, like,
43 miles away.

Roger that. One pie coming up.

You don't really
want that pie, do you?

No. I want two hours of quiet.

Help you?

I am looking
for Walter O'Brien.

Who's asking?
Mr. O'Brien?

Mrs. Quinn.

Joyce Linehan. I'm with U.S.

Citizenship and Immigration,
and I am going to be handling your case.

Nice to meet you.

The wife and I appreciate
such a quick turnaround

on our expedited request.

Don't we... honey?
We sure do... babe.

Just didn't think it
would be this fast.

You can thank your role with
Homeland for the green light.

But you know
what's funny.

I looked into your history,

and I found some things
that are curious.

Well, you know, when
you're dealing with geniuses,

things get curious.
We're curious by nature.

I'm not talking to you.

Got it.

Let me be blunt.

You've had six years

of different addresses,

and normally, married people
live together,

even in Los Angeles.

So... I'm curious.

Well, well,
I'm an engineer,

uh, so I use
an apartment to store

tools, spare parts,
that kind of stuff.

Instead of a storage unit?

I'm idiosyncratic.

Guess so.

How about
some coffee?

No, thank you.

I just thought
I'd stop by and say hello

since I'm gonna be in your life
for some time now.

And we'll talk in
detail when I get back.

Any idea when that will be?

Yes.

That's 138

pounds of trouble in
a polyester pantsuit.

Are you kidding me?!

"The wife and I"? "Babe"?!

You guys
suck at this!

Yeah, that
was painful.

You two need
to step it up!

All of our
futures rest

in that devil-woman's
bureaucratic mitts.

If she detects your marriage
is a sham, game over.

Walter's leaving on a jet plane,

and Tobias Merriweather Curtis's
mother is a felon.

Guys, relationships are living,
breathing things.

No, they're not.

I mean,
you got to know all the details,

all the things couples know
from spending years together.

Intimacies, quirks, habits.

She's right.

Who snores? Who
hogs the covers?

Who rolls up the bottom
of the toothpaste tube?

This isn't stuff
you memorize.

This is learned
behavior.

You can only learn it
if you've lived it!

Well, you're the behaviorist,
so what do we do?

Oh. Cabe, uh,

you need a place to crash
for a couple weeks, right?

As of now,
Happy's apartment has a vacancy.

We said we'd do
what it takes?

Right. Whatever it takes.

Yup.

Whatever it takes.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man