Original subtitles

(eerie music)

(suspenseful music)

- Fergeson, if this is some kind of a joke,

I'm not laughing.

Now, you listen to me, you imbecile!

Are you telling me some girl went in there

and stole that stuff from under your nose?

Carrie Erskine!

Who the hell cares about Carrie Erskine?

If she sucked you in, that's your tough luck,

but I'm not gonna take the loss!

I don't care if you never find her,

as far as I'm concerned, Fergeson, you're dead.

Dead!

All right, everybody out.

When I say out, I mean out!

Out!

- Me too, Big Mack?

- Yes, you too, get out!

Not you, sit down.

You stay.

I wanna talk to you.

- I do something wrong, Big Mack?

- Not you, Fergeson.

You know that money I gave him to buy that stuff?

That secretary of his, what's her name, Carrie Erskine.

She stole it right from under his nose.

I want you to get him.

You find Fergeson and kill him.

You kill him good!

- Right, boss.

But, boss, I think you're making a big mistake.

- What did you say?

- I ain't as smart as you, boss,

but if you knock off Fergeson, then we lose the stuff.

But if he's alive, there's a chance

that we may be able to get it back.

- That's right, that's a good point.

Real good point.

Okay, you find Fergeson, tell him

he's got three days to get that stuff back.

If he doesn't, it's gonna be his last three days.

You got that?

- Right, boss.

- I like what you do when you're using your head.

You used a lot of initiative, (mumbles).

He's all right, he's not such a dummy after all.

(phone ringing)

- Answer the phone, will you, Charlie?

Come on, it could be a job.

- I don't like to work this early in the morning.

- You should consider it.

You are broke.

- If you were the right kind of secretary,

you wouldn't mention that fact.

Somebody's liable to hear ya.

- [Stella] I'll answer the phone.

- No, no, don't do that, Stella.

I wanna go down and spend a weekend at my boat.

- Great.

Now that's the advantage of working

for a private investigator.

I just have to run by my house and change.

- Stella, I wanted to spend the weekend by myself, you know?

- Well, in that case, I'll answer the phone.

Probably a wrong number, anyway.

- Well, since I'm already awake,

I think I'll get an early start

and drive right on down at the old pier.

- Oh, uh, did you forget you don't have a car anymore?

- Oh yes, the friendly finance company got me again.

- Sure you don't wanna change your mind?

It's a long walk to the pier.

- In case whoever that was calls back,

tell them I want front money, you know?

- Cash on the line, eh, Charlie?

- That's right, Stella, cash on the line.

- Tell me, Boy Genius, 'til you get some cash,

how do you plan to get to your precious, little boat?

(playful music)

- [Charlie] Okay, you got my name, Charlie Smith.

Now here it is, 7:32 in the morning,

and I'm tired and I'm cold.

If I had any brains at all, I'd be back there with Stella,

but man, she is just so unreal.

I mean, whoever heard of a chick waking up

and looking like that, not a hair out of place?

I like a funky broad, who lets you know

what a really rotten night's sleep she's had.

Well, someday I'll make it, and I'll have the finer things.

In the meantime, I get by on the necessary luxuries.

Take my boat for example, The Rogue,

that's my security thing.

It lets me say to myself, "I'm a lousy private detective,

"with a lousy, little sailboat, but it gives me class."

And you know, nobody outside of Stella

knows I've got her stashed here.

Nobody comes around and nobody bothers me.

No finance company's gonna get this one.

They got Charlie's wheels, but they're not

gonna get Charlie's little sailboat.

(mysterious music)

- Good morning, I'm looking for a Mr. Charles Smith.

- What do you want him for?

- I have to see him in person, it's quite private.

- I'm Charlie Smith.

What is it?

- I've lost someone and I want you to find her.

Two thousand dollars now, and one more on delivery.

- Who are you?

- Harris Fergeson.

- What's so important that you wanna

spend three grand to find her?

- Her name is Carrie Erskine.

Call me at this number when you find her,

and only then.

- I didn't say I was gonna do it.

- You have exactly three days.

And one thousand dollars per day.

- Well, I'm gonna need some information.

- It's all here.

Remember, exactly three days.

- Three days, three thousand dollars.

Okay, where have you heard that one before?

Well, it looks like real money, at least.

And the elusive Carrie Erskine

seems dangerous enough to be fun.

What the hell, why not?

Fritz, the photographer, is the first name

to contact on the list.

So, Charlie, go find Fritz.

See Fritz snap his pictures.

Ask Fritz nice questions about the dangerous Miss Erskine.

What am I really doing out here?

I'll tell you.

Fritz takes pictures of fast girls and fast cars,

so where is he?

Maybe this is Fritz, maybe not.

No, I think not, this one is Moose.

Moose knows where Fritz is, but Moose is saying zero.

That's what I like about people,

they bend over backward to help each other.

Sir, my name is Mr. Charlie Smith,

I've come to repossess the race car.

No, no, they wouldn't believe me.

A lot of my very best professional

decision-making is just plain hunches.

So, since Fritz isn't on the flat,

then he must be in the woods.

Now, when old Charlie gets on the trail,

he's not turning back 'til he gets his man,

or his wo-man.

I've gotta earn my thousand dollars a day

from that, uh, Mr. Harris Fergeson.

So, now, just watch how I work here,

and kinda take notes, because I'm only gonna do it once.

Fritz?

- Yeah, I'm Fritz.

- I'm Charlie Smith.

- Yeah, well, congratulations.

We only hire female models around here,

why don't you try one of the agencies in town?

- No, that's all right, look, I was told

you might be able to help me find

a girl by the name of Carrie Erskine.

- Carrie Erskine?

- Yeah, I understood that she--

- What do you want with her?

- Well, I understand she used to work for you

and I've gotta friend--

- Yeah, she used to.

- Well, I've gotta friend that would like to hire her.

- What is he?

A photographer or something?

- Well, yeah.

Now, d'you know where I could find her?

- Uh uh.

- Come on, Fritz, I wanna go home, it's cold.

- Are you sure you don't know--

- I am positive, believe me, I am positive,

I don't know a damned thing about Carrie Erskine.

- Yup.

- Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got one, two, three girls

working over here, we're all on overtime, and--

- Now, can you tell me where I can find her?

- She used to have a roommate named,

uh, Carol, Carol Hollister.

They lived in a little, white house

about a mile down the road, over on the left.

You go over there to--

- Carol Hollister--

- You might be able to find her.

- A mile down, on the left, white house.

- [Fritz] White house.

- Thanks, Fritz.

- Yeah, well, you know, same to you.

- You should have told him Frankie Roberts is there.

- You know how Frankie hates to be disturbed.

- Ain't no way, baby.

You get nothing for nothing.

- Please!

(maniacal laughing)

Please, Frankie.

Just something to help me.

That's all I want.

- Oh, baby, you know, you don't look so good,

when you're all strung out.

Come here a second, let me take a look at you.

Come here.

Come here.

(screams)

- [Charlie] There it is, the little white house,

a mile down the road, right on cue.

Carol Hollister, sounds like a real winner.

I hope I won't be intruding on her beauty rest.

- You go find out who it is.

Wait a minute, don't open the door!

- [Charlie] Hmm, could be she's away on a trip, I suppose.

- Yes?

- Carol Hollister?

- She's gone, she's not here anymore.

- I'm actually looking for Carrie Erskine.

I was told you might know where I could find her.

- I don't know anybody by that name.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't help.

- Well, what about Carol Hollister then?

- I'm sorry, I can't help you.

- Thanks.

- Don't I deserve something for getting rid of the guy?

- Yeah, baby, you're gonna get yours.

Sweet water and sunshine.

Get me my case.

(dramatic music)

- Two thousand dollars?

In advance?

- Uh huh, and he promised me

another thousand when I find her.

- He must want that Carrie Erskine awfully bad.

- Yup.

- You weren't gone twenty minutes

this morning, before he called.

- I wasn't at the boat ten minutes,

before he showed up.

- I said, "Mr. Fergeson, Mr. Smith will not see you,

"unless you put cash on the line."

- Well, here it is!

And for being such a good girl,

why don't you take a couple hundred and go shopping?

I'll see you Monday morning.

I wanna check out a few more names in this list.

- Okay, Charlie, but you be careful now.

Extra careful.

See you Monday morning,

boss.

(mysterious music)

- Where's the stuff?

- Oh, it's you.

- Where's the stuff?

- I don't have it.

- What do you mean you don't have it?

You gotta have it!

I gotta have the drugs sold already!

- Sorry, somebody stole it.

- What are you trying to pull?

- Nothing!

It's gone and that's all there is to it.

- Who could've took it?

- I don't know.

- Suppose I tell Fergeson and Big Mack where to find you?

- How would you like me to tell Fergeson

and Big Mack that you were in it with me?

- Well, you're the one they're looking for.

- Well, they won't find me.

- Maybe they won't, but Charlie Smith will.

- Charlie Smith?

Who's Charlie Smith?

- You don't know, do you?

- He's the snoop that Fergeson hired to track you down!

- Oh, is that so?

- You double-crosser, you're lying to me! (mumbles)

- Or I could not blow your head off.

- You'd do that to me?

To me?

- [Carrie] Just say goodbye, Brett.

- Carrie?

- Goodbye, Brett.

- You're gonna hear from me, Carrie!

You hear?

You're gonna hear!

- Carrie Erskine, Carrie Erskine,

I've never heard of her.

I think I'm beginning to hear her.

- Come on, Waco, do you know her?

- Yeah, yeah, I know Carrie.

- [Charlie] Well, when was the last time you saw her?

- I saw her about three weeks ago.

She was with a man called Big Mack.

- Big Mack?

- Yeah, Big Mack, they call him Big Mack.

He's a big man syndicate.

- [Charlie] Now, how do I find him?

- Well, he's got a pool hall down Hollywood Boulevard

and Bronson, and I'm pretty sure

you could get in touch with him there.

- Thanks, Waco.

- Yeah, man, hey look, if you gotta few minutes.

Girls?

- I think I'll take a rain check, okay?

- Suit yourself, man, suit yourself.

- [Charlie] All right, you can imagine a guy named Big Mack.

I mean, it has to be written all over his face.

A mug anyone could spot anywhere.

- [Brett] Thatta boy, you hit the whole bunch of them.

- [Big Mack] Twenty dollars says you

don't make the next shot.

- You got it.

- Both eyes open.

- [Charlie] Don't see Big Mack in here.

No problem, I guess.

Some harmless guys, a good game of pool,

with their cool talk.

You watch me handle this one.

- You mind if I play at this table over here?

- That's Big Mack's table.

He doesn't like strangers using it.

- Well, Big Mack, he's a friend of mine.

- Oh, well, in that case, help yourself to a cue.

- Thanks.

- You know Big Mack, huh?

- Yeah, a long, long time.

He's a real sweet, little guy.

- Yeah, that he is, a real sweet, little guy.

- [Brett] Oh you mother--

- The white ball, idiot, the white ball.

- I'll play with you.

- Last time I saw Big Mack was about 3 weeks ago,

we were out with a couple of chicks.

- Oh, that Big Mack!

A real ladies man, huh?

- What's your name?

- Big Mack.

(laughing)

You're all right!

You hear that fellas?

- I understand there's a lot of good-looking

chicks in this neighborhood.

- Yeah, blue eyes, brown eyes, 6'2", 5'2",

you just name it, anything you want.

What would you like?

- I hear there's a hot one by the name of Carrie Erskine.

- Funny, Carrie Erskine.

You gotta sense of humor, boy, you got very good taste.

Very good taste.

Hey, you all right?

You don't look so good.

Hey Brett!

Better get him outside, he don't look so good.

- [Brett] All right, pal, let's go.

I said out!

- If you see Carrie Erskine,

I'd like to get my hands on her, myself.

A real sweet girl.

- I know you're Charlie Smith.

If you wanna stay alive long enough

to spend that dough Fergeson gave you,

you better not come here alone, you understand?

You understand?

- Peace, man.

(dramatic music)

(phone ringing)

- Fergeson's Imports.

- I wanna talk to Harris Fergeson.

- Mr. Fergeson ain't, uh, I mean, he isn't here.

- Well, what time will he be in?

- I don't know when he'll be back.

Something I could do for you?

- Who are you?

- I'm in charge while Mr. Fergeson's out of town.

- Look, I need to talk to him.

- Well, look, he'll be back in a couple of days

to close a deal, catch him sometime on Monday.

- Thanks, have a nice weekend.

- Who is this?

Who was he to tell me to have a nice weekend?

- The end of the first day,

but it's with tomorrow that I wrestle now.

And two falls out of three will name the winner,

a poem by Charlie Smith.

The man said, "You play it your way, I'll play it mine."

That's some genuine, impartial advice

from the real pro in this game.

I mean, my whole life has been a movie,

but I keep getting the reels mixed up.

Just look what we've managed to do here, already.

So, Charlie's made up his mind.

He's either gonna pull through or pull out.

It's with today that I wrestle now,

and I'm not alone.

Charlie Smith is not alone today.

Coley, what happened to all your washing machines?

- Well, I'll tell you, Charlie.

People kept coming in here and stealing my soap,

using phoney nickels and quarters,

broke the machines.

And you know, you can't pay rent with a phoney quarter.

So it's a wrap-up, I'm just sitting here, waiting now

on the water man to come down

and see that the water's all cut off.

- Where you gonna go?

- I don't know that.

- Have you got any money at all?

- Not really.

- Can I give you some?

- No, no.

- Come on, Coley, you've done me a lot of favors,

let me give you a couple bucks.

- No, no.

- [Charlie] Come on, Coley.

- Thanks anyway, no, Charlie, that's fine.

It's very kind of you, but--

- Coley, let me tell you something.

Somebody offers you some money, you take it.

Come on.

Okay, we're friends, eh?

Come on.

Okay?

- Thanks, Charlie.

I won't forget this.

- I know you won't.

- That's very nice of you.

- You gotta place to stay?

- [Coley] Yeah, I'm staying up the street, with a friend.

- You're not kidding?

You really have a place?

- [Coley] Yeah, I have a place, Charlie.

- Because if you don't, I got a boat by the pier, San Pedro.

- Oh yes, I know.

Well, that's mighty kind of you.

I might, just take you up on that some time.

- You take care of yourself.

- [Coley] Okay.

- All right?

- [Coley] You do the same, Charlie.

- Stop by in a day or so.

- Okay, good, okay buddy, good luck to you.

- Coley's one of the all-time greats.

The only one looking for him is somebody

with a wooden quarter.

Back to the list.

A girl named Shawn Call, an old friend of Carrie Erskine's.

They used to dance together in a chorus line in Las Vegas.

Now it's a bit questionable as to her trade.

(knocking)

- What do you want?

- I'm looking for Shawn Call.

- That's me.

What time is it, anyway? Hm?

Don't you know it's kind of early

to be banging on a girl's door?

- Well, it's almost noon.

- I'm going down to check the mail.

You can walk with me if you want.

- [Charlie] Look, I'm sorry to bother you,

but I'm looking for a Miss Carrie Erskine.

Do you know her?

- I, uh, used to.

Why?

- Well, do you know how I could find her?

- [Shawn] No.

- Well, do you know anybody who knows

where I could find her?

- No.

- Look, sweetheart, something tells me

you know a lot more than what you're saying.

- [Shawn] Who are you?

- Smith, Charlie Smith.

I am what people call a private detective.

- A cop, I knew it.

- No, no, I am not a cop.

I am a private detective.

There is quite a difference.

- You don't look like a detective to me.

I've seen movies.

- Hm?

- Hm.

- [Charlie] I guess there's not much

you can tell me about Carrie Erskine, huh?

- Why don't you come back later?

We could have more time to talk.

Say along about ten-ish.

- [Charlie] Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Okay!

(upbeat music)

- Who's the creep?

- Nobody.

Just a guy, selling magazine subscriptions.

- Are you sure Fergeson didn't send him?

He didn't look right to me.

- Well, how am I supposed to know?

Fergeson is your boss, not mine.

- Carrie Erskine?

I haven't heard her name in months!

Take a look around, man.

I got so many chicks, I can't keep track of them all.

See what I mean?

Thanks, doll.

- Anything else you'd like?

- [Wade] Not right now.

- So anyway, I understood that you were her agent.

- Yeah, but in the movie business,

you gotta have patience.

All she cared about was making big money fast.

- Can you give me any kind of a lead at all?

- Yeah, check with Julie Richards.

- [Charlie] Julie Richards?

- She's an actress I used to handle.

A real head.

You can find her at, uh, 1235 Sunshine Terrace.

- [Charlie] What's the best way to get there?

- It's about four miles this way.

Just above Ventura Boulevard.

- Thanks a lot, Wade.

- Yeah.

- Save yourself a lot of breath!

- Yeah?

Good.

Well, if I'm gonna save myself a lot of breath, Herb,

you must be getting that stuff awfully

cheap to undersell Frankie Roberts.

And if you're getting that stuff awfully cheap,

you gotta be stealing it, old buddy.

Who are you stealing it from?

Your boss? Fergeson? Are you stealing from Fergeson?

- What do you care who I'm stealing it from?

What do you care what I'm doing

as long as you're gonna save yourself a lot of bread?

- What do I care, Herb?

- What?

- You see this?

Frankie Roberts did the damage,

right to my mouth, he knocked the tooth out.

I like all the teeth in my mouth, at all times.

I'm missing one, I learned my lesson from Frankie Roberts.

It's as simple as that.

- If you got no guts, (mumbles) --

- When it comes to Frankie Roberts,

you better believe I don't have any guts.

Besides that, Herb, why don't you just do yourself a favor,

for once in your life, do yourself a favor.

- What?

- Give up, no Herb, you're never gonna make it.

Give up.

- I can't talk to you any more.

- [Fritz] You never could, Herb.

No communication, Herb, none at all.

You don't listen to a thing I say.

- Later, Fritz.

(slow, mysterious music)

- Julie?

I was told you could help me find Carrie Erskine.

- Carrie?

I know Carrie.

- When was the last time you saw her?

- About a week ago.

Are you a bird?

- A what?

- A bird, you know?

- A bird?

- Bird's fly.

Do you wanna fly?

- I don't know, I don't know.

- If you can fly, maybe you'll find Carrie.

- Okay, so make me into a bird.

- Right, I'll teach you to fly.

It's really very easy.

All you gotta do is spread your wings

and go!

And when you get good at it,

you can swoop and turn

and fly!

Do you still wanna find Carrie?

- Carrie who?

- If you wanna find Carrie, see Frankie Roberts,

her ex-boyfriend.

(upbeat rock music)

- You looking for someone?

- Frankie Roberts.

- We don't like strangers around here.

What's your name?

- Charlie Smith.

- That's a good one.

What would a Charlie Smith want with Frankie Roberts?

- I'm looking for Carrie Erskine.

- Carrie Erskine, I haven't seen her in weeks.

As long as you're here, why don't you grab yourself a drink?

- [Charlie] Shawn Call.

- Charlie Smith.

- What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?

- Are you alone?

- Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm?

Say, you don't have a date tonight, about 10 o'clock?

- Mm-hmm.

- Are you leaving it too late?

- [Shawn] Carrie Erskine?

- [Charlie] Mm-hmm.

- She is Miss Bad News of the day.

- Why do you say that?

- Because.

I don't wanna talk about Carrie.

- What does she have to do with Frankie Roberts?

What does he do?

- What does he do?

I'll tell you what he does.

Frankie Roberts gets up in the morning

and he reads the papers, you know,

murders, rapes, yucky news.

- He's a real swinger.

You mean to tell me he doesn't know where she's at?

- No.

- A guy like that wouldn't know how to find her, hm?

- Well.

- [Charlie] Well, can you tell me where she's at?

- [Shawn] No, don't (mumbles).

- [Charlie] Why not?

- [Shawn] Because.

- Why don't we get out of here? Come on.

You wanna leave?

(romantic music)

Where is Carrie now?

- Sorry, Charlie.

- Hey.

Where's Fergeson?

- [Herb] Cooling it, I don't know, what do you want?

- He said he'd have something for me.

- [Herb] I'm in charge tonight and I ain't got nothing.

- He out on a run, or what?

- [Herb] I don't know.

- Has anybody been around, looking for Carrie?

- I ain't seen nobody.

- I'll be back, tomorrow.

- He ain't gonna be here tomorrow.

He'll be here Monday.

- I'll need about ten keys.

- Ten keys, twenty keys, you bring the money Monday.

- Monday.

- [Shawn] All right, Charlie.

I'll tell you how to find Carrie.

But let me warn you, she is a very, very strange girl.

- So, this is where Carrie Erskine lives.

Considering what Fergeson is paying me,

I wouldn't care if Vilma Banky lived here.

Now, what was that room number again?

Someday, I'm just gonna have to learn to write things down.

Someday, I'm just gonna have to learn to write.

Well, seven's as good as any.

- [Woman] Come in.

(suspenseful music)

- Fergeson sent you, didn't he?

- Say, who's the real detective here?

- Why does he want me?

- He didn't say.

- As simple as that.

- That's the way it goes in my business.

- How would you like to earn $75,000?

- Uh, that would be nice.

Seventy-five thousand...

What do I have to do?

- The reason why Fergeson wants me,

is because I stole $150,000 of uncut heroin from him.

- That's a good enough reason.

What does Fergeson do for a front?

- Furniture import, why?

- Just curious.

He must bring the stuff in from Mexico.

- Oh, he gets it across the border

in that bulky Mexican furniture.

I was working for him for about a year before I found out.

- How did you ever get the heroin from him?

- Practice.

Watching, waiting.

I played the sweet, efficient secretary in the outer office,

until late one evening, Fergeson and his strongmen

weren't around, so I took it.

- [Charlie] $150,000 of pure, uncut heroin?

Just like that.

- [Carrie] Not exactly.

- [Charlie] You have the stuff, don't you?

- [Carrie] No.

- [Charlie] You've already gotten rid of it?

- [Carrie] No.

- [Charlie] Then what happened?

- [Carrie] It was stolen from me.

- [Charlie] Stolen?

By who?

- A pusher who was going to help sell it for me.

He said he could get a good price.

His name is Frankie Roberts.

He said he would kill me or have me killed,

if I told Fergeson and Fergeson's after me

because he still things I have his heroin.

Then you come along, I'm in the middle, I can't move.

I'm all alone.

Are we partners, Charlie?

- Honey, for $75,000 each, we are partners.

Now, you just take me to Frankie Roberts, okay?

(tense music)

Okay, let's go.

Where is it?

- It's over there under that pile of wood.

In a brown satchel.

- I've gotta admit, no one would think of looking in here!

I got it.

- Frankie?

Hey!

(uplifting music)

(mumbles)

- We're rich!

I'll take my half now!

That way.

- Who was it?

- They one who with Shawn at the party.

- Where is he?

- Who?

Where's who?

What are you talking about?

- The snoop?

The guy wearing the sneakers!

You tell me where he is and I'll let you go.

He took the stuff.

He walked right into the house

and he took the stuff, like he knew exactly where it was!

Now, you tell me where your boyfriend is!

- I don't know.

I don't know!

No, no!

He lives down at the har--

He lives down at the harbor in a boat called The Rogue.

- If I don't get it back, baby, you're dead.

- That's my boat over there.

- [Carrie] That man, that's Frankie Roberts.

- It sure is, we better move.

(suspenseful music)

- You're dead, sleuth!

You're dead!

- [Charlie] He's been shot.

- [Carrie] But who?

- I don't know.

If we don't get out of here, we may be next, come on.

I can't figure out who shot Frankie.

- It could have been Fergeson.

- [Charlie] Then why didn't he shoot us?

- I don't know but I don't wanna worry about it now.

- [Charlie] Well, I am.

Where, when did the cleaner's say my clothes would be ready?

- In 24 hours.

- [Charlie] In 24 hours?

But what are we gonna do for 24 hours?

- What do you think?

- Hmm.

24 hours.

I just can't figure out who shot Frankie Roberts.

He must have been a good shot,

to shoot somebody that far away from a person.

Is Fergeson a good shot?

- No.

(romantic music)

- [Charlie] Yeah?

- [Cleaner] Mr. Smith? Cleaners.

- [Charlie] How much do I owe ya?

- [Cleaner] Two fifty.

- [Charlie] Here, keep the change.

- [Cleaner] Sweet, thanks.

- What do you say we go for a walk

and get some air, huh?

We'll do some thinking about the (mumbles).

It's bugging me.

Come on, let's go, huh?

Okay?

Some people just don't seem to do anything right.

Some people just can't make a day worthwhile,

not even one minute.

It seems they don't even wanna give it a try.

The minute they wake up, if they wake up,

they hit the bottle.

They're not even cheating,

they're just losing so they can die.

- They all have different reasons for being like that.

- Well, I'm sure they're all good ones.

- [Carrie] If we sell the stuff, we won't have any worries.

- I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about that.

- What do you mean?

- I mean that I don't wanna wind up like Frankie Roberts.

- Why do you say that?

- Because Fergeson would follow us

and our little treasure chest here,

right across the seven seas.

- He'll never find us.

- I'm not gonna give him a chance.

I'm gonna make him a deal.

- What kind of a deal?

- Fifty - fifty.

- No!

- Yes.

It's all set, I'm gonna meet him

at his house in about an hour.

You wanna come along?

Suit yourself.

- Do you think we could destroy

all the Fergeson's in the world?

- Now that sounds like something Cleopatra would have said.

Why don't you wait for me at the hotel, okay?

- Whatever you say, Charlie.

Whatever you say, Charlie Smith.

Charlie Smith, the pirate.

Charlie Smith, the fish.

- Coley, you gotta do me a favor.

This bag, you're the only one I know I can trust,

you gotta take care of it for me, until I get back.

I'm only gonna be gone a little while.

Please, keep your eye on it

and don't let anybody have it, okay?

- Okay, Charlie, I'll do it.

- I can trust you, I can depend on you?

- Positively.

(mysterious music)

- [Charlie] It looks like Fergeson keeps a messy house.

Now, let's see, if I was Bogart, what would I do?

Probably get the hell out of here.

I somehow get the feeling someone didn't like Fergeson.

I thought he was rather generous.

I wonder why anyone would wanna cut his throat.

Well, one thing's for sure,

whoever killed him left all the doors open.

(upbeat guitar music)

(dramatic music)

When in doubt, there's nothing

like a cool drink to refresh your mind.

I mean, this is getting to be like

watching the Late Late Show on TV.

Beer, pretzels, stiffs.

The only thing is, I feel like I'm the movie

and somebody's watching me.

I guess it's about time to call Carrie.

(phone ringing)

Why is it whenever you want a chick, she's not home?

Everything okay?

- Okay, Charlie.

- Any problems?

- None whatsoever.

- Really, nothing?

- Not a thing, Charlie.

- You're sure.

- Positive.

- Take care.

- It was a pleasure, see you.

- Pal, what did you, uh, what was in that bag

that you gave that guy?

- I don't know.

- Look, here's a couple of bucks,

I'll ask the same question again,

what was in the bag you gave that guy?

- And I'll answer the same way again, I don't know.

- You're just gonna dummy up, huh?

(suspenseful music)

- [Charlie] Give me the bag, man.

- Look, I don't wanna slice you up.

Now move.

- What if I don't?

- Then you're gonna end up like a little piece

of sliced up meat in a butcher shop window.

Just like my ex-boss, Fergeson, did.

Now, move, I've had my eye on this stuff for a long time.

Move!

- You don't mind if I take your little toy with me?

If I could go through just one day without being confused,

life would be much simpler.

- No, no!

- Nobody double-crosses and gets away with it.

I'm gonna knock your brains out.

- I did it, it wasn't my fault.

- What the hell's going on here?

- Smith!

Just the man I'm looking--

(dramatic music)

- Are you all right, Charlie?

- Come on, let's get out of here.

- Mommy, there's a man on the floor.

- When Big Mack likes somebody, he likes them,

he goes all the way with them.

Just remember that, sweetheart.

Now, when Big Mack says he likes someone, he likes 'em.

And when he likes 'em, they can do no wrong.

Big Mack likes you.

Yeah, he likes you a lot.

Do you like Big Mack?

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, that's lovely.

I love you.

(phone ringing)

Oh!

Yeah?

- It's Sammy.

- Where are you?

- Well, look out your window, I'm across the street.

- What's on your mind?

- Have you got it?

- Listen, we can't talk on this phone.

What's your number over there?

Just a second, you got a pencil?

Write this down, go ahead.

Two, seven, six, three, three, eight, eight.

Right, I got it.

(phone ringing)

- Sammy here.

- All right, we can talk now.

- Look, I wanna talk to you about

the stuff Fergeson picked up.

- We'll talk about that later,

I got Brett working on it.

- Brett?

I saw him a couple of hours ago,

stoned out of his mind.

Said something about cracking Carrie's head.

- So?

- He also said something about Carrie

and Charlie Smith, they're making it together.

- Smith, who's he?

- The only Charlie Smith I know is a private eye.

- Keep talking.

- He's gotta big nose.

You ever see any of those Bowery Boys movies?

You remember the guy who played the dummy klutz?

- Well, here it is, Charlie.

And it's all ours.

- When I was a kid in Pennsylvania,

I used to dream about having a little washtub full of money.

All halves and quarters,

just like a chest full of pirate's silver.

- That would have been so heavy,

you wouldn't have been able to lift her.

- I didn't wanna lift it

and I didn't wanna take it any place.

I just wanted to sit in it,

and tell the other kids it was mine.

- I think I'd much rather sell the stuff than sit in it.

- Whispering footsteps, the girl who dared,

fatal witness, the devil pays off, I live on danger.

Who knows what evil lurks in the minds of men?

Charlie Smith no more than Charlie Chan.

Hey, have you ever seen this film

that starts out on a schooner in Tahiti,

and this guy walks in on the skipper one morning,

right out of the blue, and asks him

to help him find this great-looking gal.

It's a real classic, he lays three grand on the skipper,

looks him right in the eye and says,

"Find this girl."

So the skipper starts to track her down,

but one by one the people involved are suddenly wiped out,

'til the only ones left are the skipper

and the girl he was sent out to find.

Now he knows who killed everybody, but one,

and he's just trying to figure that out,

when the girl turns to him and says:

- I love you, Charlie.

- Right, you did kill Frankie Roberts!

- He was getting away with the bag!

- Right.

- He was no good.

- Right, but are we any better

if we peddle the stuff ourselves?

- What do you suggest?

- Dump it and start doing our own thing.

We don't need a mountain of snow to keep cool.

- The world's no picnic without money.

- Make a decision, Carrie, me or the snow?

- What about me?

I'll make the decision, it's my stuff.

- That's Big Mack, the kingpin,

the master criminal, the big wheel.

- That's real cute, Smith, real cute.

Now, I'll take those two little packages of joy.

If you don't mind.

- Well, I do mind.

- In that case, I'll have to break your little arm.

- Well, Carrie, baby, it's your turn to speak.

It's now or never.

- Big Mack, you're out of the ball game.

- Which team am I on?

- My team, Charlie.

- What position?

- You're pitching.

- Oh boy.

- Big Mack, you should have bought

a ticket before you snuck in the park.

- Where you going with that stuff?

What's he gonna do?

Charlie, Charlie, what are you gonna do in there?

Charlie!

Charlie, come here for a minute,

let me talk to you, just for a second!

Carrie, listen, get rid of the mook.

We can split it between ourselves,

we don't need him.

Carrie, just blow that guy, you don't need him.

We can split it fifty - fifty.

Fine, keep him! Keep him!

Give him one third, and you keep one third,

and one third for me.

That's fair, isn't it?

Look, we can get along.

Keep eighty per cent and give me twenty,

just twenty, ten per cent!

Say something, give me ten per cent!

(flushing)

- The ball game's over and the home team has gone home.

- Oh Charlie, where's home?

- Anywhere I go.

- Me too?

- You too.

- You really are a pirate.

- Let's get out of here before we get contaminated.

- I'm gonna be around for a long time.

You know why?

You know why, Smith?

Because there's a sucker born every minute.

Every single minute, and they need me.

They need me.

(dramatic music)