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1
00:00:02,319 --> 00:00:04,578
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,654 --> 00:00:07,731
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:11,401
♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,403 --> 00:00:14,404
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,406 --> 00:00:17,758
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:21,411
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,413 --> 00:00:22,855
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:24,248
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:30,029
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy. ♪
10
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:37,202
Wow, dinner smells great,
Lois. What'd you make?
11
00:00:37,279 --> 00:00:39,763
Nothing. I just defrosted
one of the casseroles
12
00:00:39,765 --> 00:00:42,541
Bonnie left on our porch
after my foot got infected.
13
00:00:42,618 --> 00:00:45,952
Most of our meals are
donated stews born of trauma.
14
00:00:46,029 --> 00:00:47,437
Well, I had a scary day.
15
00:00:47,439 --> 00:00:50,049
During my science lab, a
whole beaker of chemicals
16
00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:52,200
almost blew up right in my face.
17
00:00:52,278 --> 00:00:53,610
Oh, my God!
18
00:00:53,612 --> 00:00:55,888
Look at this peanut. It's
got three peanuts in it.
19
00:00:55,964 --> 00:00:58,298
Peter, stop bringing
snack foods to dinner.
20
00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:00,117
How was everyone else's day?
21
00:01:00,119 --> 00:01:02,286
My day was awful!
22
00:01:02,288 --> 00:01:03,729
I had to give an
oral book report
23
00:01:03,806 --> 00:01:04,966
in front of my English class,
24
00:01:05,048 --> 00:01:08,642
but it was right when
I... was at full mast.
25
00:01:08,718 --> 00:01:10,718
Okay, next up is Chris Griffin.
26
00:01:10,796 --> 00:01:12,196
Uh...
27
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,990
My report is on Tom Sawyer.
28
00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:25,976
"A modern-day warrior,
29
00:01:25,978 --> 00:01:27,753
"mean, mean stride,
30
00:01:27,830 --> 00:01:29,571
"today's Tom Sawyer,
31
00:01:29,648 --> 00:01:31,090
mean, mean pride."
32
00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:32,591
That is a song by Rush.
33
00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:36,153
I don't know, man, I googled
it, and that's what came up.
34
00:01:36,155 --> 00:01:37,955
Well, as much as I'd
love to sit and hear more
35
00:01:38,006 --> 00:01:39,765
about my son's public wood show,
36
00:01:39,842 --> 00:01:41,174
me and the guys have a tee time.
37
00:01:41,251 --> 00:01:43,327
A tee time? But it's dark out.
38
00:01:43,329 --> 00:01:44,937
Miniature golf, Lois.
39
00:01:45,013 --> 00:01:46,254
And it's gonna be a blast.
40
00:01:46,332 --> 00:01:48,148
Even more fun than a Blow Pop.
41
00:01:49,017 --> 00:01:50,851
I never should've married it.
42
00:01:50,927 --> 00:01:53,445
Once they say "I
do," they don't.
43
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,342
Ah, man, nothing better
44
00:01:58,344 --> 00:02:00,602
than hanging out with my
pals on a Tuesday night.
45
00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:03,622
Hey, why... how come we always
do stuff together on Tuesdays?
46
00:02:03,699 --> 00:02:06,608
It's when America unloads
all its week-old tacos.
47
00:02:06,685 --> 00:02:09,353
Sure, Congress can push
through "Taco Tuesday,"
48
00:02:09,355 --> 00:02:11,613
but we can't seem to get
decent Medicare reform.
49
00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:13,357
Those two things
are unrelated, Joe.
50
00:02:13,359 --> 00:02:15,551
Says the shill for Big Taco.
51
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,365
Should've played through
that birthday party.
52
00:02:21,367 --> 00:02:23,058
They're playing way too slow.
53
00:02:24,553 --> 00:02:27,512
Could we please have
some quiet on the greens?
54
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:37,381
Whoa, Chris, what's going
on? Where are you going?
55
00:02:37,383 --> 00:02:39,324
I can't take the humiliation.
56
00:02:39,401 --> 00:02:42,719
I think my only option
is to move away forever.
57
00:02:42,721 --> 00:02:45,405
What? Wh... Is this about what
happened with your book report?
58
00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:47,407
The teasing was awful, Brian.
59
00:02:47,484 --> 00:02:49,817
Even Principal
Shepherd got in on it.
60
00:02:49,895 --> 00:02:51,061
Chris Griffin,
61
00:02:51,063 --> 00:02:53,154
please report to woodshop.
62
00:02:53,232 --> 00:02:55,007
Stop it.
63
00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,250
I'll stop when
they stop laughing.
64
00:02:57,327 --> 00:02:59,252
My approval rating
is through the roof.
65
00:02:59,329 --> 00:03:01,254
Just like Chris Griffin's rod.
66
00:03:02,832 --> 00:03:06,685
On a more somber note, that
kid with the helmet die.
67
00:03:06,762 --> 00:03:09,079
Chris, you can't just run
away from your problems.
68
00:03:09,081 --> 00:03:11,915
Well, I can't just move on
and pretend nothing happened.
69
00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:13,917
This isn't a school shooting.
70
00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:15,919
Okay, I
see you're upset.
71
00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:19,031
And I wouldn't suggest this if
it weren't so serious, but...
72
00:03:19,107 --> 00:03:22,016
Look, Stewie and I
built a time machine.
73
00:03:22,094 --> 00:03:23,535
You did? How?
74
00:03:23,612 --> 00:03:25,779
Well, you know, I was
always really good at Legos,
75
00:03:25,855 --> 00:03:27,764
and I-I think it just kind
of snowballed from there.
76
00:03:27,766 --> 00:03:31,268
You know, if I have any advice,
it's keep building, Chris.
77
00:03:31,270 --> 00:03:32,769
Keep building.
78
00:03:32,788 --> 00:03:35,956
Anyway, maybe you and I travel
back in time to this morning
79
00:03:36,032 --> 00:03:37,941
and give you a do-over
on your book report.
80
00:03:37,943 --> 00:03:39,701
That would be amazing.
81
00:03:39,778 --> 00:03:41,053
Did Rupert come this way?
82
00:03:41,129 --> 00:03:43,055
Son of bitch killed his
wife and he's blaming
83
00:03:43,131 --> 00:03:44,389
an eight-armed man.
84
00:03:44,466 --> 00:03:46,558
Brian's gonna let me
use his time machine
85
00:03:46,635 --> 00:03:49,728
- to re-do my book report.
- Oh, is that right?
86
00:03:49,805 --> 00:03:53,065
And how exactly is Brian
going to do that, hmm?
87
00:03:53,141 --> 00:03:55,717
- With his time machine?
- Hey, I handed you a wrench.
88
00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:58,737
Yeah, the wrong wrench.
Just stay away from it.
89
00:04:04,894 --> 00:04:06,411
Hey, guys, you know
what might be fun?
90
00:04:06,488 --> 00:04:07,412
We should all pool our money
91
00:04:07,489 --> 00:04:09,473
and buy some
scratchers together.
92
00:04:09,475 --> 00:04:11,491
- I love that idea.
- Yeah, it'd be a great way
93
00:04:11,568 --> 00:04:13,326
to cap off our
Tuesday Guys' Night.
94
00:04:13,328 --> 00:04:16,255
Oh, speaking of that, we've
got a special on tacos today.
95
00:04:16,331 --> 00:04:19,316
Let's keep your politics
out of this, pal.
96
00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:21,485
Ah, you guys go ahead.
I'd rather spend my money
97
00:04:21,487 --> 00:04:23,987
on this tightly-curled
horoscope scroll.
98
00:04:23,989 --> 00:04:26,006
Suit yourself.
99
00:04:26,082 --> 00:04:28,392
Here we go, winning combo.
100
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,994
Kim Kardashian...
101
00:04:30,996 --> 00:04:33,272
Khloé Kardashian...
102
00:04:33,348 --> 00:04:34,439
Scott Disick.
103
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:37,834
I'll try my favorite,
Dignity Dollars.
104
00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:40,003
Martin Luther King...
105
00:04:40,005 --> 00:04:41,688
Malcolm X...
106
00:04:41,765 --> 00:04:44,116
Aww. Jussie Smollett.
107
00:04:44,192 --> 00:04:47,527
Let me show you how it's done.
Give me one of the Bald Bucks.
108
00:04:47,604 --> 00:04:49,679
Piven...
109
00:04:49,681 --> 00:04:51,681
Travolta...
110
00:04:51,683 --> 00:04:52,849
Cage.
111
00:04:52,851 --> 00:04:54,442
- I'm a winner!
- Awesome.
112
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,186
We won $123.
113
00:04:56,188 --> 00:04:58,688
Split three ways,
that's 41 bucks apiece.
114
00:04:58,690 --> 00:05:01,358
That's fine. I'm happy
with my horoscope scroll.
115
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,969
"Be sure to gamble today
with your handicapped,
116
00:05:04,046 --> 00:05:05,545
horny and Black friend."
117
00:05:05,622 --> 00:05:07,881
That-that
could mean anything.
118
00:05:07,957 --> 00:05:09,624
"Also, close your search tabs
119
00:05:09,701 --> 00:05:12,144
before your big work
presentation tomorrow."
120
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:14,146
Bunch of mumbo jumbo.
121
00:05:14,222 --> 00:05:16,706
As you can see,
third-quarter sales... uh...
122
00:05:16,708 --> 00:05:18,725
Oop, uh, sorry about that.
123
00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:20,968
Yeah, let me just, uh...
124
00:05:21,046 --> 00:05:22,821
Okay, I-I don't
know how that, uh...
125
00:05:22,898 --> 00:05:24,731
Ah, just give me
one second here.
126
00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:27,901
A-As I was saying,
third-quarter...
127
00:05:27,977 --> 00:05:30,220
I apologize for
the slight, uh...
128
00:05:30,222 --> 00:05:33,815
A mini-mart scroll warned of
this. I'll clean out my desk.
129
00:05:50,242 --> 00:05:51,741
I don't know, Brian.
130
00:05:51,743 --> 00:05:54,244
Stewie said to stay away
from the time machine.
131
00:05:54,246 --> 00:05:55,837
Don't worry about Stewie.
132
00:05:55,914 --> 00:06:00,341
Okay, just put in today's
date, set the time and go.
133
00:06:00,419 --> 00:06:01,821
DNA mismatch.
134
00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:03,528
Enter secondary voice password
135
00:06:03,605 --> 00:06:06,347
within 20 seconds to
prevent self-destruct.
136
00:06:06,425 --> 00:06:08,441
Crap. Secondary password?
137
00:06:08,518 --> 00:06:09,442
Self-destruct?
138
00:06:09,444 --> 00:06:10,944
Wait, wait, wait. I got this.
139
00:06:11,096 --> 00:06:12,929
Zac Efron.
140
00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,873
Um, Susan Lucci.
141
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:16,950
Uh, uh, uh, Dora.
Diego. Gold's Gym.
142
00:06:17,026 --> 00:06:18,952
- Mykonos.
- Oh, I-I know, I know.
143
00:06:19,028 --> 00:06:21,028
Fabulous. Fab. Totally fab.
144
00:06:21,106 --> 00:06:22,381
Uh, uh, go, bitch.
145
00:06:22,457 --> 00:06:24,624
Whatever, bitch.
Love you, bitch.
146
00:06:24,701 --> 00:06:25,701
Um, yes, queen.
147
00:06:25,777 --> 00:06:27,110
Yas, queen.
148
00:06:27,112 --> 00:06:30,889
Y-Yas, queen.
149
00:06:51,987 --> 00:06:55,247
Hey. Hey.
150
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,624
Hey. Did you see that?
151
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,318
Check it out, Chris.
152
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,154
Welcome to 16 hours ago.
153
00:07:11,156 --> 00:07:13,915
So, how does it feel to
be living in the past?
154
00:07:13,992 --> 00:07:16,935
Wow. Look how
small that tree is.
155
00:07:17,012 --> 00:07:18,845
And how old all those cars look.
156
00:07:18,922 --> 00:07:20,421
Oh, yeah, there's gonna be a lot
157
00:07:20,499 --> 00:07:21,923
of very small
differences like that.
158
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,684
Hold on, I-I thought we were
gonna time travel to my school,
159
00:07:24,761 --> 00:07:25,777
not to our house.
160
00:07:25,854 --> 00:07:27,187
Oh, yeah, I just plugged in
161
00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:28,499
what was on the
tag on my collar.
162
00:07:28,523 --> 00:07:30,449
That's the only address I know.
163
00:07:30,525 --> 00:07:32,192
Wait a minute, this
could be amazing.
164
00:07:32,268 --> 00:07:34,119
We got a few hours
before your book report.
165
00:07:34,196 --> 00:07:36,288
And with a day's advantage,
we can use that time
166
00:07:36,364 --> 00:07:38,940
to bet on sports, already
knowing the outcome.
167
00:07:39,017 --> 00:07:40,533
Oh, my gosh, you're right.
168
00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:41,851
Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on.
169
00:07:41,853 --> 00:07:44,020
Ah, here we go. WNBA.
170
00:07:44,022 --> 00:07:45,613
There's a Mystics-Sparks
game today.
171
00:07:45,691 --> 00:07:47,023
Remember who won that?
172
00:07:47,025 --> 00:07:48,950
I don't even know what
city they're from.
173
00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:50,694
Which one has Caitlin Clark?
174
00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:52,195
I-I don't know.
175
00:07:52,197 --> 00:07:54,380
Both of them? Neither?
176
00:07:54,457 --> 00:07:56,624
Man, she's the best, maybe.
177
00:08:00,964 --> 00:08:02,324
Hey, Cleveland.
You look different.
178
00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:04,374
Yeah, with my
scratcher winnings,
179
00:08:04,376 --> 00:08:06,651
I was able to buy
$41 of Ozempic.
180
00:08:06,728 --> 00:08:09,821
Donna thinks I'm starting to
look like skinny Jonah Hill.
181
00:08:09,898 --> 00:08:11,656
And just like Jonah
Hill, I can't wait
182
00:08:11,733 --> 00:08:14,901
to be an aggressively
unstable relationship partner.
183
00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:17,737
I see. Must be nice
to have money to burn.
184
00:08:17,814 --> 00:08:18,888
I wouldn't know.
185
00:08:18,890 --> 00:08:20,165
Say, guys, I forget,
186
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:24,060
how many people does it take
to make a thing go right?
187
00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:26,821
♪ It takes two to make
a thing go right. ♪
188
00:08:26,898 --> 00:08:28,823
I think you knew the answer.
189
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:30,567
Thanks to those
lucky scratchers,
190
00:08:30,585 --> 00:08:33,920
I just bought Now That's
What I Call Music! volume 12.
191
00:08:33,997 --> 00:08:36,906
Game, cassette, match.
192
00:08:36,908 --> 00:08:38,408
Hey, check it out, guys,
193
00:08:38,426 --> 00:08:40,386
I turned those winning
scratchers into a new belt.
194
00:08:40,412 --> 00:08:42,428
TJ Maxx was having
a sale on everything
195
00:08:42,505 --> 00:08:44,581
- that's strewn on the floor.
- Great.
196
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:47,267
Seems like everybody's really
enjoying their big winnings.
197
00:08:47,343 --> 00:08:48,527
Uh-uh.
198
00:08:48,603 --> 00:08:52,179
You can't wear that shirt
because of my therapy.
199
00:08:52,257 --> 00:08:56,368
I got her right under my
pudgy, nonthreatening thumb.
200
00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:03,266
Okay, it's almost time
for your English class.
201
00:09:03,268 --> 00:09:05,210
We just have to head
off your past self
202
00:09:05,287 --> 00:09:07,287
so you can give the
book report instead.
203
00:09:07,363 --> 00:09:09,122
Sounds good. Whoa, I guess
204
00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:12,425
if I have anything to say to
Derek, I should say it now.
205
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,559
I have nothing to say to Derek.
206
00:09:20,635 --> 00:09:22,102
Oh, here I come.
207
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,289
Chris, uh, you
can't go in there.
208
00:09:26,291 --> 00:09:29,526
Brian, what
are you doing here?
209
00:09:30,979 --> 00:09:33,220
Are you me?
210
00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:35,389
Look, there's not much
time. We're from the future.
211
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:36,891
Well, your future, our present.
212
00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:38,318
Let me stop you right there.
213
00:09:38,394 --> 00:09:40,987
I am 100% fine with
whatever this is.
214
00:09:41,064 --> 00:09:43,081
I just go where I'm told.
215
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,418
Okay, Chris, get in
there and make this
216
00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:48,494
the flaccid-est
report of your life.
217
00:09:48,571 --> 00:09:51,164
I won't let you down.
218
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,149
Just in
time, Chris. You're up.
219
00:09:53,151 --> 00:09:55,485
Not today I'm not.
220
00:09:55,487 --> 00:09:59,264
Hello, peers. This is my
report on the book Tom Sawyer.
221
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,507
The cover shows a
kid painting a fence.
222
00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:05,011
And inside it is paper,
which is made from trees.
223
00:10:05,163 --> 00:10:07,421
- The end.
- Chris, I may have to fail you.
224
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:10,108
Well, that's all good,
'cause the only chub in town
225
00:10:10,185 --> 00:10:12,852
is the insurance company. Kobe!
226
00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:19,117
Quagmire, I see you're
wearing a brown belt today.
227
00:10:19,194 --> 00:10:20,935
Did you buy another one?
228
00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:23,012
Nope, same belt. Reversible.
229
00:10:23,014 --> 00:10:25,365
That just blew my damn mind.
230
00:10:25,441 --> 00:10:27,684
Belts are reversible,
men are becoming women,
231
00:10:27,686 --> 00:10:30,277
I'm kind of getting into it,
what's this world coming to?
232
00:10:30,355 --> 00:10:31,855
Evening, gentlemen.
Thought I'd offer
233
00:10:31,857 --> 00:10:35,358
some celebratory popcorn shrimp
for the big scratcher winners.
234
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,301
Wow, no way!
235
00:10:36,378 --> 00:10:38,136
That's the appetizer
in commercials
236
00:10:38,287 --> 00:10:40,121
most likely to fly
through the air.
237
00:10:40,198 --> 00:10:43,308
Any food that's airborne on
television is very special.
238
00:10:48,373 --> 00:10:50,482
Peter, come on, have some.
239
00:10:50,558 --> 00:10:54,043
I understood the shrimp to
be exclusively for winners.
240
00:10:54,045 --> 00:10:55,320
Damn it! It's not fair.
241
00:10:55,397 --> 00:10:57,989
I got to find a way to
have what they have.
242
00:11:00,552 --> 00:11:03,144
Okay, suction cups.
Pulley system.
243
00:11:03,221 --> 00:11:05,889
Carabiners. Rope. Ski mask.
244
00:11:05,891 --> 00:11:08,208
A bat.
245
00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:18,659
I-I don't understand
the crossword ones.
246
00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:23,809
Well, Chris, probably
time to head home.
247
00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:25,758
And congrats again
on a successful,
248
00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:27,168
non-turgid book report.
249
00:11:27,245 --> 00:11:29,646
Please stop saying
gross smart words.
250
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,679
Uh, hey... is, uh,
251
00:11:38,757 --> 00:11:40,423
is there maybe something
you guys want to tell me?
252
00:11:40,425 --> 00:11:43,426
Yeah. Did you know there
was a WNBA game yesterday
253
00:11:43,428 --> 00:11:45,352
between the Mystics
and the Sparks?
254
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:46,596
Yes, of course.
255
00:11:46,598 --> 00:11:48,781
The Mystics crushed the
Sparks by 26 points.
256
00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:49,949
Aw...
257
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:52,101
Yeah, huge upset.
Vegas had it all wrong.
258
00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:53,436
Aw!
259
00:11:53,438 --> 00:11:55,196
Listen, I know
you're probably mad
260
00:11:55,273 --> 00:11:56,697
we took the time
machine without asking,
261
00:11:56,699 --> 00:11:58,942
but, trust me, there's
nothing to worry about.
262
00:11:58,944 --> 00:12:00,468
You sure about that?
263
00:12:03,782 --> 00:12:05,465
Uh, sorry, little guy.
264
00:12:05,541 --> 00:12:08,284
Mom thinks it'll help the
swelling from the burns
265
00:12:08,286 --> 00:12:11,563
if I put some of your
diaper cream on my face.
266
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:13,289
Looks like Brian
and Chris kicked up
267
00:12:13,291 --> 00:12:16,383
a little more than dust on
their mosey back in time.
268
00:12:16,461 --> 00:12:19,812
Now, please consider these
fine commercial products.
269
00:12:19,889 --> 00:12:20,980
Whip sound effect.
270
00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:22,148
Yeah, he probably
wasn't supposed to read
271
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:23,408
that last part.
272
00:12:23,485 --> 00:12:24,805
Yeah. There, you
see? There it is.
273
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,585
Holy crap! What happened?
274
00:12:33,661 --> 00:12:35,995
We-we didn't even
see Meg in the past.
275
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,072
Well, Brian...
276
00:12:38,149 --> 00:12:40,407
I would surmise that in
the original timeline,
277
00:12:40,485 --> 00:12:43,319
the laughter at Chris
emanating from his classroom
278
00:12:43,321 --> 00:12:45,096
created a distraction...
279
00:12:45,173 --> 00:12:47,840
So by turning her head
slightly to investigate,
280
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:50,417
Meg kept her face from being
directly over the explosion.
281
00:12:50,495 --> 00:12:53,496
But in a timeline where
Chris was unaroused...
282
00:12:54,423 --> 00:12:56,349
...the distracting
laughter was absent.
283
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:59,927
Come on! Not one bag of
pot in any of these things?
284
00:13:00,522 --> 00:13:03,339
So with no noise coming
from Chris's classroo,
285
00:13:03,341 --> 00:13:05,283
Meg never turned her head away,
286
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,800
ensuring that her
face would absorb
287
00:13:06,845 --> 00:13:08,125
the full brunt of the explosion.
288
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,865
It's a weird word. "Brunt."
Such a dumb language.
289
00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:16,035
I feel horrible.
We got to fix this.
290
00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:17,520
That's exactly what
we're going to do.
291
00:13:17,522 --> 00:13:20,298
Oh, this is bad. Did-did
anything else change?
292
00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:22,449
One thing. Lois bought
popsicles for Meg
293
00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:24,385
since that's all
she can eat now.
294
00:13:28,366 --> 00:13:30,642
Mmm, so good. What's yours?
295
00:13:30,718 --> 00:13:32,552
- Apple.
- Aw, there's apple?
296
00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:34,187
I thought that was lime.
297
00:13:35,131 --> 00:13:36,630
But we should...
298
00:13:36,708 --> 00:13:39,818
we should go fix the
Meg-burned-face thing,
299
00:13:39,894 --> 00:13:41,302
though, right?
300
00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:42,970
Yeah, yeah. All right.
301
00:13:43,048 --> 00:13:44,489
Oh, hey, you guys.
302
00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:47,492
I also got ice cream
sandwiches for Meg.
303
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,903
It's a time machine. We
can leave whenever we want.
304
00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,722
I mean, we make the schedule.
305
00:13:52,724 --> 00:13:54,057
Yeah. Like, literally.
306
00:13:59,822 --> 00:14:01,564
Jon Hamm.
307
00:14:01,566 --> 00:14:03,174
Arnold Palmer.
308
00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:05,068
The third one's just a mirror.
309
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:07,345
Oh, wait a minute.
310
00:14:07,422 --> 00:14:08,921
Scratcher!
311
00:14:08,998 --> 00:14:10,756
Peter? It's the
middle of the night.
312
00:14:10,833 --> 00:14:12,183
What the hell are you doing?
313
00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:15,244
- Uh... having an affair?
- What? With who?
314
00:14:15,246 --> 00:14:17,397
You-you don't know
her. Her-her name is...
315
00:14:19,675 --> 00:14:21,175
...Sandy Shoes.
316
00:14:21,252 --> 00:14:23,194
Peter, are you just
looking at stuff in the car
317
00:14:23,271 --> 00:14:24,362
and making up lies?
318
00:14:24,439 --> 00:14:26,589
Lois, that is
completely speedometer.
319
00:14:26,591 --> 00:14:28,533
Look, I don't
know what any of this is,
320
00:14:28,610 --> 00:14:30,517
but just don't turn
on the bathroom light
321
00:14:30,595 --> 00:14:31,703
when you come to bed.
322
00:14:31,779 --> 00:14:33,520
Okay, tha-thank you.
323
00:14:33,598 --> 00:14:36,040
Th-Thanks for no more
questions, love you.
324
00:14:37,619 --> 00:14:40,027
Mr. Griffin, you're
under arrest for...
325
00:14:40,105 --> 00:14:42,029
I know, I know.
How'd you find me?
326
00:14:42,107 --> 00:14:44,382
The store security camera
caught you checking your height
327
00:14:44,459 --> 00:14:46,033
against the doorjamb sticker.
328
00:14:46,111 --> 00:14:47,460
I'm afraid I'm shrinking.
329
00:14:47,536 --> 00:14:49,721
We're gonna measure again
at the jail, though, right?
330
00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:58,137
All right, we're back at the
day of Chris's book report.
331
00:14:58,214 --> 00:15:00,806
To save Meg's face, we
just have to do two things.
332
00:15:00,883 --> 00:15:02,233
First, we lock up the Chris
333
00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:04,551
who successfully gave his
report without incident.
334
00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:07,388
- Flaccid Chris.
- Yes. Ew, ew, gross, but yes.
335
00:15:07,465 --> 00:15:09,932
And then we restore the
laughter that will distract Meg
336
00:15:09,968 --> 00:15:13,152
by releasing the original Chris
from the custodial closet...
337
00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:14,804
Turgid Chris.
338
00:15:14,806 --> 00:15:16,706
You think you're clever,
but you're not clever.
339
00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:21,144
Look, there's Flaccid me.
340
00:15:21,146 --> 00:15:23,713
Happy? Now your crudeness
is a whole thing.
341
00:15:25,408 --> 00:15:27,316
Okay, gonna stop you
right there, bud.
342
00:15:27,318 --> 00:15:29,485
Stewie? Aw, crap,
this can't be good.
343
00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:31,578
Hey, Chris, we're
gonna need you to...
344
00:15:31,656 --> 00:15:33,156
Uh-oh.
345
00:15:33,158 --> 00:15:35,658
- Stewie, we've got a problem.
- What? What's wrong?
346
00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:37,510
It seems that, given
even a few minutes alone
347
00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:42,165
in a locked closet, Chris, uh...
took matters into his own hands.
348
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,924
- What?
- Yeah, he's in there sleeping
349
00:15:44,002 --> 00:15:45,944
and muttering about Lola
Bunny from Space Jam.
350
00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:49,113
- Who's that?
- A smoking hot rabbit.
351
00:15:50,599 --> 00:15:53,176
Okay, I didn't get it when
you said it, but now I get it.
352
00:15:53,178 --> 00:15:55,602
- So, what do we do now?
- Don't worry. I've got this.
353
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,455
Chris, your book
report is back on.
354
00:15:57,532 --> 00:16:00,366
But... this time you've
got to do it at full mast.
355
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,609
Yeah, um, one small
issue with that:
356
00:16:02,687 --> 00:16:04,445
during the time you
two were yakking
357
00:16:04,522 --> 00:16:07,781
about how the me in the
closet just masturbated...
358
00:16:07,859 --> 00:16:09,709
I, too, masturbated.
359
00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:11,285
- What?!
- Oh, for God's sake.
360
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,304
Damn it! We're running
out of time to save Meg.
361
00:16:13,381 --> 00:16:16,307
Chris, we've got less than
one minute to get you aroused.
362
00:16:16,384 --> 00:16:18,217
Um... okay.
363
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:21,204
Close your eyes. You're
a 19th-century heiress,
364
00:16:21,206 --> 00:16:22,647
alone in her vast estate
365
00:16:22,724 --> 00:16:25,224
and awaiting a visit
from the handsome vicar,
366
00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:28,211
as her dear aunt has recently
passed from consumption...
367
00:16:28,213 --> 00:16:30,471
Yeah, that-that's nothing.
368
00:16:30,548 --> 00:16:32,381
Well, I'm not proud
369
00:16:32,383 --> 00:16:34,233
of what I'm about
to say here, but...
370
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:35,718
go to YouTube and type in,
371
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:39,572
"Brazilian Women's Olympic
Volleyball Team Practice."
372
00:16:39,648 --> 00:16:43,392
They're all speaking Spanish.
Is that part of it for you?
373
00:16:43,394 --> 00:16:46,412
- Portuguese, but yes.
- You guys, you guys, stop.
374
00:16:46,489 --> 00:16:47,563
I'll just type in
375
00:16:47,565 --> 00:16:49,823
"Lauren Boebert
mutual groping vaping
376
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,067
in public Beetlejuice."
377
00:16:51,069 --> 00:16:54,012
Oh, you kind of sexy liar.
378
00:16:56,758 --> 00:16:58,391
I'm ready.
379
00:17:01,429 --> 00:17:03,021
He's a good kid.
I'm proud of him.
380
00:17:07,919 --> 00:17:09,063
What's everyone laughing about?
381
00:17:09,087 --> 00:17:10,936
Which one is Derek's locker?
382
00:17:11,013 --> 00:17:13,422
He can't find his
anti-seizure medicine.
383
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:22,114
Hey, just so you know,
I can eat 50 eggs.
384
00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:24,375
You already told
me that four times.
385
00:17:24,452 --> 00:17:27,211
Okay, well, 50 sometimes
sounds like 15,
386
00:17:27,288 --> 00:17:29,797
so I just wanted to make sure
you were properly impressed.
387
00:17:30,866 --> 00:17:32,366
Huh. What are you
guys doing here?
388
00:17:32,368 --> 00:17:34,277
Ain't you all too
good for me now?
389
00:17:34,279 --> 00:17:35,961
Peter, we never felt that way.
390
00:17:36,038 --> 00:17:37,390
Yeah, we were the
ones who wanted you
391
00:17:37,414 --> 00:17:39,540
to buy scratchers with
us in the first place.
392
00:17:39,617 --> 00:17:41,951
That's why we've
come to bail you out.
393
00:17:41,953 --> 00:17:44,062
Bail me out? Seriously?
394
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:49,125
Uh, look, I'm sorry I
overreacted, you guys.
395
00:17:49,127 --> 00:17:50,459
I think I was just frustrated
396
00:17:50,461 --> 00:17:52,219
about never actually
winning anything.
397
00:17:52,297 --> 00:17:53,887
Peter, of course
you're a winner.
398
00:17:53,965 --> 00:17:56,632
You've got a beautiful wife,
a family who loves you,
399
00:17:56,634 --> 00:17:58,150
and-and a bathroom window
400
00:17:58,227 --> 00:17:59,819
that's not as
frosted as you think.
401
00:17:59,895 --> 00:18:02,020
And you're white.
That's a big one.
402
00:18:02,098 --> 00:18:03,139
Oh, yeah.
403
00:18:03,157 --> 00:18:04,731
My insulated
experience of the world
404
00:18:04,809 --> 00:18:06,066
always makes me forget that.
405
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,901
We pooled our last 15 dollars
406
00:18:07,979 --> 00:18:09,754
of scratcher winnings
to pay your fine.
407
00:18:09,831 --> 00:18:11,589
- 50 dollars?
- No, 15.
408
00:18:11,666 --> 00:18:12,590
Oh.
409
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:13,999
See? This, that-that's,
410
00:18:14,076 --> 00:18:16,135
this is the thing
that I was saying.
411
00:18:22,751 --> 00:18:24,660
Man, you guys are the best.
412
00:18:24,662 --> 00:18:27,163
I hope you can forgive
me for acting so crazy.
413
00:18:27,165 --> 00:18:28,514
Of course we do, Peter.
414
00:18:28,591 --> 00:18:30,632
Wait a second. You
got me out of jail
415
00:18:30,668 --> 00:18:33,336
for only 15 dollars after
I committed a robbery?
416
00:18:33,354 --> 00:18:36,188
Well, I, uh, pulled
a few strings.
417
00:18:36,265 --> 00:18:38,616
Kind of an easy sell to the
Chief because you're white.
418
00:18:38,693 --> 00:18:42,511
See? There's that, there's
that thing that I was saying.
419
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,507
Are we for sure in
the clear? How's Meg?
420
00:18:55,242 --> 00:18:56,968
Mom, have you seen Meg?
421
00:18:57,044 --> 00:18:58,302
Yeah, she went to the store.
422
00:18:58,379 --> 00:18:59,862
Well, I'm sure she's fine.
423
00:18:59,864 --> 00:19:01,030
To pick up some ointment.
424
00:19:01,032 --> 00:19:02,715
- Uh-oh.
- For her vagina.
425
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,886
Oh, bit of a journey,
but we got there.
426
00:19:06,962 --> 00:19:08,813
Listen, Stewie, we
never should've used
427
00:19:08,890 --> 00:19:10,389
your time machine
without telling you.
428
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:12,466
Chris and I owe you an apology.
429
00:19:12,543 --> 00:19:13,709
It's fine, Brian.
430
00:19:13,711 --> 00:19:15,653
At least your heart
was in the right place.
431
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:19,548
Yeah, well, that's the thing.
I'm... I'm not sure it was.
432
00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:22,142
You see, Chris, I never
should've suggested
433
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,828
a do-over on your book report.
434
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:25,404
What? Why not?
435
00:19:25,481 --> 00:19:28,315
Well, I realize now
that all the awkward,
436
00:19:28,393 --> 00:19:31,318
embarrassing, difficult
experiences in life are exactly
437
00:19:31,396 --> 00:19:33,654
what shape people into
interesting adults.
438
00:19:33,731 --> 00:19:35,173
You need these cringey moments.
439
00:19:35,249 --> 00:19:38,250
Because I know you have a very
interesting future ahead of you.
440
00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:40,494
- Thanks, Brian.
- You know what?
441
00:19:40,571 --> 00:19:42,013
Maybe let's put a pin in the hug
442
00:19:42,089 --> 00:19:44,182
until that book report
pistol's back in its holster.
443
00:19:44,258 --> 00:19:46,333
Eh, that could just be
time-travel-related.
444
00:19:46,411 --> 00:19:48,519
- From the reentry.
- R-Really?
445
00:19:48,596 --> 00:19:51,189
Yeah, you know how you can
get rando boners on airplanes?
446
00:19:51,265 --> 00:19:53,098
- It's like that.
- Oh, that's right.
447
00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:54,767
The first person
it ever happened to
448
00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:56,101
was Charles Lindbergh.
449
00:19:56,178 --> 00:19:58,178
Here's
Lucky Lindbergh landig
450
00:19:58,256 --> 00:19:59,422
in the City of Lights.
451
00:19:59,424 --> 00:20:01,515
And like all great pilots,
452
00:20:01,592 --> 00:20:02,867
he's emerged from the cockpit
453
00:20:02,944 --> 00:20:05,703
with a Betty Boop beach
towel around his waist.
454
00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:07,263
I am perfectly limp,
455
00:20:07,265 --> 00:20:09,707
and what the Nazis do
is an internal matter.
456
00:20:15,773 --> 00:20:17,215
What's going on, guys?
457
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:19,866
It's me, Corey, with
After the "Guy."
458
00:20:19,944 --> 00:20:21,346
We've only got a
minute to break down
459
00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:23,387
all the best guy
moments from this week.
460
00:20:23,464 --> 00:20:27,116
And, as always, we're brought
to you by too many sponsors.
461
00:20:27,118 --> 00:20:29,301
Peter, what did you
think of the episode?
462
00:20:29,378 --> 00:20:31,729
Well, Corey, I'd say most
of it was freaking sweet,
463
00:20:31,806 --> 00:20:33,880
just like squeezable
Smucker's jelly,
464
00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:35,291
now with a spillproof top.
465
00:20:35,309 --> 00:20:37,126
And even if there was
a plot hole or two,
466
00:20:37,128 --> 00:20:38,552
they're no match for Flex Tape.
467
00:20:38,629 --> 00:20:40,980
Stick it in a
drawer, forget you have it,
468
00:20:41,056 --> 00:20:42,631
then buy it again
three years later.
469
00:20:42,633 --> 00:20:46,302
Okay, question for Stewie.
"Who can understand the baby?"
470
00:20:46,304 --> 00:20:48,804
Okay, as I've explained for
the last six of these, Corey...
471
00:20:48,823 --> 00:20:52,324
He-he had to leave. He's
boxing Jake Paul tonight.
472
00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:54,810
Closing credits
under theme song.
473
00:20:54,812 --> 00:20:58,330
Is there a way to highlight
just the words he has to say?35950
Can't find what you're looking for?
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