Original subtitles

(YELLS)

(CROWD SHOUTING)

MAN 1: Ten and a half!

- MAN 1: Twenty-five! - MAN 2: I'll take it!

- How's July? July how? - July's at 95 and a quarter.

At 95 and a quarter.

Ninety-four and a half bid. Ninety-four and a half bid.

Hey, bonehead, moron! Ninety-four...

- Moron? Moron this. At 95. At 95. - Keep your pencil to yourself!

Ninety-four and three quarter bid for 300.

- Sold, 300! - Buy 300, yes!

Three hundred? 300, you idiot? Get out of my way.

Three hundred lots of coffee futures? You call that a hunch?

No, Richard. I call that an opportunity.

Three hundred lots in this market is not an opportunity.

It's a death wish.

- O, ye of little faith. - No, no, no. Me of big mortgage.

- MICHAEL: Hi, Maddy. What've you got? - MADDY: American flight 109

leaving J.F.K. at 1:00 p.m. arriving Caracas at 6:22 p.m.

- MICHAEL: All right, all right. - RICHARD: Oh, come on.

You're not still leaving, after what you just did in there?

I'm getting married to Charlotte in 30 days.

In order to do that, I need the divorce from Patricia.

- Toiletries, two shirts... - I don't believe this.

- ... two shorts, two socks... - You're gonna leave me

with 5, 100 tons of coffee?

MICHAEL: Richard, the only reason I put up with you for so long

is because you're the best analyst on the Street.

You know, you give me that same patronizing little speech

every time you play one of your stupid hunches.

- Yeah? And what happens? - I'm hospitalized,

and the blood pressure medication is adjusted.

MADDY: Laptop, uplink. You'll overnight in Caracas,

then fly to Canaima the next morning where you'll be met.

Thanks. See you in two days.

Unbelievable.

- (TIRES SCREECHING) - (ENGINE BACKFIRING)

This thing might be quicker if you used both engines!

ABE: Se�or Kromwell?

Se�or Kromwell?

That'd be me, Michael Cromwell, with a "C."

Se�or Cromwell with a "C."

I am Abe Botero with a "B," your attorney-at-law.

I am outrageously pleased to meet with you.

Okay. Abe, Abe. Let me go.

My car is right over here. Do you have any more luggage?

- I travel kinda light, Abe. - ABE: Mm-hmm.

So, what's the deal? Where is Patricia?

Uh, we received this letter from your wife today.

Se�ora Cromwell says that she could not come to Canaima,

but she wants us to get you to Lipo Lipo.

Wait a second. What are you talking about?

I travel 3,000 miles to get here, and she doesn't show up? What's that about?

Abe has a saying...

"He who knows what a woman wants, knows everything. "

But not even God knows that. (LAUGHS)

Okay. If that's the way she wants to play it,

she's not gonna get a dime.

GEORGE: If Cromwell should bother to call,

put him through to my office immediately!

Has anybody seen that idiot Kempster around here?

Kempster!

Michael, you have got to get back here tomorrow.

Langston is going insane. Where are you?

I'm staying in the middle of Nightmare

- on Bodega Street. - (LAUGHS)

If you don't get here, do I sell the coffee or do I hold it?

No, no, no, no. Do not sell the coffee

till I give you the go-ahead.

Call me on the uplink as soon as London opens, all right?

- All right. Okay. - GEORGE: Kempster!

Oh!

Nah, I wouldn't do that.

- Oh, and why not? - (CHOMPING)

- Oh! - (CHOMPING)

Whoa!

Nasty!

(GRUNTING)

Lipo Lipo.

So nice, they named it twice.

Oh, my God!

She left me for Gilligan's Island!

- Great. I'll be right back. - Not long. I have an appointment.

You have an appointment?

Well, if it's the cable guy, you got plenty of time.

- Okay. - MICHAEL: Hi, um...

I'm... I'm Michael Cromwell. I'm looking for Patricia Cromwell.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - You know, Patricia. Patricia Cromwell?

She's a... she's a doctor.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - No, a woman.

Like me, but... but... but...

full-figured.

Paliku.

- CHILDREN: Paliku. Paliku. - Pali who?

- Paliku. - Paliku?

- Where is she? - CHILDREN: Paliku. Paliku. Paliku.

- Paliku! Paliku! - Yes, I heard you.

- Paliku! - Okay, okay.

- Patricia. - Mmm.

You look different.

Michael.

You made it.

Um, yes, I did.

(SPEAKS IN PINARE)

You look good.

So do you.

- How've you been? - Better. Much better.

Weren't you supposed to meet me in Canaima last night?

Botako's having her first litter.

Congratulations.

Not her.

This is Pontspie. Pontspie. (SPEAKS IN PINARE)

PONTSPIE: Mm.

(GRUNTS)

This is Botako.

You know, as much as I hate to spoil this joyous event,

I took an airplane from New York City. I have a boat waiting.

- MICHAEL: You remember the divorce? - (SPEAKS IN PINARE)

- Patricia? Patricia! - Paliku.

My Pinare name is Paliku. We pick our own names here.

Do you remember 12, 13 years ago, maybe, when out of the blue...

we weren't even married a year, and you walked out on me.

And now you want a divorce,

and you think I'm gonna hit you up for money.

We both want a divorce, and aren't you?

I don't want any money.

Great! We can get to Caracas right now.

- (PIG GRUNTING) - That way we can sign divorce papers.

I can be back in New York by Friday afternoon.

Tomorrow is the Fanenteyou celebration. I have to be here.

(PIGLET SQUEALING)

- Oh. - It's a male!

Ay!

As much as I'd like to stick around for the circumcision,

I've got a canoe waiting, and my boatman has an appointment.

(SPEAKING IN PINARE)

- Your boatman is gone. - What?

MICHAEL: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Tell him to stop!

BOATMAN: Hasta la vista.

MICHAEL: Hey, hey, hey, stop! You can't leave me here!

What you're doing is very unprofessional!

(GRUNTING)

(GIGGLING)

Oh, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Come back here! Hey, hey, hey!

I'm gonna need all these clothes back

right where they came from, all right?

- (SHAVER BUZZING) - Oh, this is a Braun!

- What about my boat? - He'll be back. Couple of days.

What am I supposed to do now?

The chief says you can spend the night with the bachelors.

- I'm not staying with the bachelors. - Or Pontspie offered her hut.

- (PIGLET GRUNTS) - Mm.

Bring on the bachelors.

(SPEAKS IN PINARE)

(SPEAKS IN PINARE)

Come on. Come on, come on.

- Hungry? - I am starving.

- Oh. - It's yellow-eared bat,

a Pinare specialty. It's made from the bladder.

Oh, bat bladder. Holy Kaopectate! I don't think so.

(SPEAKS IN PINARE)

- You might prefer the kara toka. - Yeah, right.

- Chicken. - I would prefer that. Thanks.

- Okay. Okay. Ready. - Excuse me.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Michael, there's something that I have to talk to you about.

Patricia, let's not, okay?

There's something that you don't know.

Yeah, like why you left me.

I left you because of the fifth phone line.

What is that supposed to mean?

One morning some guy showed up at our apartment

to install a fifth phone line.

- He asked if I was the receptionist. - (CHUCKLES)

And I realized that I had lost you somehow.

So I packed my things and I left you alone.

I figured you'd be happier that way.

You thought this would make me happy?

How long before you noticed I was gone?

- Why didn't you talk to me? - Talk to you?

I spent six months telling you I was unhappy.

It was a crazy time for me. I just started working at L.T.G.

- (SIGHS) - I had a straddled position in sugar.

- Michael. - The price went up, it skyrocketed...

- Michael. - ... I'm shorted...

- Michael! - What?

It's very hard for me to tell you this, so please listen.

What choice do I have? I'm stuck here with you and the Village people

'til you celebrate Banana-fana-fo-fana.

- Hello, you. - MEN: Oh.

Excuse me. The real world calls.

Hello, you.

(COMPUTER BEEPS)

(TYPING)

(COMPUTER BEEPS)

What I'm trying to say is that...

- Look, I was right. I was right! - I wasn't exactly alone when I left you.

- Ninety-seven and a quarter. - PATRICIA: Michael. Michael.

- I'm with ya. Coffee has gone crazy. - I didn't know it at the time,

- but I was... - Ninety-seven, 97 and a quarter.

Am I greedy? I'm feeling pretty greedy.

- I'm gonna wait 'til 97 and a half. - ... pregnant with your son.

'Cause it's gonna happen. Waiting.

Papa is waiting. Come to Papa, 97 and a half, 97 and a half.

Sold for a tidy 300,000 dollar profit. God, it's good to be good!

- What'd she say? - Hello, you.

Patricia...

(BEEPS)

All right, Patricia. What did I do?

I just told you that you had a son, and you didn't even hear me.

What are you talking about, I have a son?

- What son? - Your son.

The boy sitting next to the fire over there is your son.

That is my son?

I must have started a thousand letters to tell you,

but every one of them started with, "I know you never wanted children. "

This is nuts. This is nuts. This is unbelievable.

- I was confused... - Do you know what you just said

- to me? This is unforgivable! - I'm not asking you to forgive me,

but he didn't do anything, so don't blame him.

That's my son?

His name is Mimi Siku.

His name is what?

Mimi Siku.

MICHAEL: Mimi Siku.

Roughly translated, it means...

"Cat Piss. "

- He picked the name "Cat Piss"? - He was six years old at the time.

It's a territorial thing.

- You sure he's mine? - Positive.

He's got your nose, and he thinks he's never wrong.

- MEN: Hello, you. - (COMPUTER BEEPING)

No, no! Go! Get away! No! Don't touch that!

Don't touch that! Don't touch that!

Huh?

(COMPUTER BEEPING)

Oh.

You wouldn't happen to have a place where I could stick that, would you?

- Hello, you. - (SIGHS)

(FLATULATING)

Talk about your wind instruments.

(INSECT BUZZING)

Oh!

(FLATULATING)

Oh, ease up on the fruit for God's sakes.

Mitsubishi!

Mimi Siku.

Hi, uh, Mimi Siku. I'm Michael Cromwell.

Patricia... um...

Paliku tells me that, um...

that I'm... I'm your father.

- That's a nice pot you have. - (SPEAKING IN PINARE)

Do you understand any English?

Well, Patricia or Paliku, wanted me to say something paternal to you.

I gotta admit, this isn't easy for me.

I don't have any regrets.

Well, I have regrets.

But then again... Too few to mention... Ha!

(WHISPERS)

(SPEAKING IN PINARE)

(SIGHS)

(SNORING)

- Michael. - (SCREAMS)

- You all right? - Yes.

You should put air bags in these things.

Oh.

What do you call this place again? The Surface of the Sun?

Mimi said that you talked to him last night.

I told him that I was his father,

and he said something in Indian,

and then he gave a girl a pot.

Giving a pot here is like giving flowers.

It's a love gift.

He's very popular with the girls.

Maybe he is mine after all.

He is yours.

Why don't you try again? He's going out on the river.

Go with him.

MICHAEL: Maybe I can teach him about commodities.

Based on what I learned during the bachelor hut last night,

he could make a killing in gas futures.

Go.

Is it the local fruit?

- Baboon! - Huh?

Baboon!

No, no, no, no. Monkey.

- (WHOOPS) - Monkey.

Toona.

- Toona. - MICHAEL: Oh.

Parasite.

No, uh, Mimi, um...

Water? Wa...

Piranha.

Cut, infection, death!

- Oh. - (SPITS)

Hoko. Hoko.

Hoko, bird.

Bird who can't sing, Hoko Ono.

No, no, no. Hoko is toucan.

Bird is pomoko.

- You speak English? - Paliku taught me.

So... (CHUCKLES)

You understood everything I said last night.

(SIGHS)

(PANTING) Is it much further?

These shoes cost me 500 dollars. Whoa!

- (SNAKE HISSES) - MICHAEL: Hey, hey, hey!

Good shot!

Buradu.

Okay.

- Scared of snake? - No, scared of snake bite.

MICHAEL: Ugh.

Eww.

- This buradu is dead, right? - MIMl: Sleeping.

- MIMl: We kill it before we eat it. - MICHAEL: No, no, no, no.

MICHAEL: I do not eat snake.

Lizard guts.

You know...

actually, the snake filled me right up.

MMl: No, no, no, no. I make it for you. Tastes good.

(MICHAEL RETCHES)

Now you here, you stay with me all the time?

I'd like to, Mimi Siku, but I can't.

Why?

I have a whole another life...

where I live.

Another son?

No. You're the only son I have.

I'll teach you to hunt.

Tomorrow I've got to go back to my village.

I'm a trader. That's what I do, okay?

This... this in your village, yes?

Woman who hold fire up sky's butt?

(LAUGHS)

I've never...

I've never had her described quite like that.

Yes, she's in my village.

We call her the Statue of Liberty.

When I'm a man,

will you take me to Statue of Liberty?

Sure. Why not? Yeah.

When you're a man, I'll take you to the Statue of Liberty.

- Wakatepe? - Wakatepe.

Sleep time.

(MICHAEL RETCHING)

Mimi, don't move!

Don't move! There's a giant spider on you!

Don't move! What's it doing?

Oh, great! It's now coming after me!

Damn, it's chasin' me. Stop, stop, stop!

I don't want to hurt you, but I will.

I will crush you like a bug!

(GRUNTS)

Mimi, don't. No, no. I can handle this.

Go to the village. Save yourself!

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

No, no! Back! Jesus!

If you scream, Matika attack.

If you're calm, Matika nice.

- But kukuve always mean. - Who's kukuve?

Huh?

(SNARLING)

(SCREAMS) This place is a nightmare!

(SPEAKING IN PINARE)

(CHANTING)

CHILDREN: Baboon! Baboon!

PATRICIA: Nice turtle.

CHILDREN: Baboon! Baboon!

The hair on your chest reminds them of a monkey.

"Baboon" is your Pinare name.

Baboon? That's the best they could come up with?

Well, at first they wanted to go

with "Man Who Must Be Smarter Than He Looks. "

If we get to pick our own names, I'd like to pick this,

"Man Who's Extremely Well-Endowed. "

Sorry. It's already taken.

(SPEAKS IN PINARE)

(CHANTING)

What's he saying to them?

The chief is telling the forest that Mimi's no longer a child.

(SPEAKS IN PINARE)

(SIZZLES)

(ALL CHEERING)

- Are they finished? - Almost.

But to become a tribal leader someday,

Mimi has to perform a special task that the chief will give to him.

He says he's very proud of Mimi Siku,

and as his father, you should be too.

Well, I am very proud of him, considering the fact

that I just found out a couple days ago I had a son,

and I'm standing about four feet from a witch doctor.

- (SPEAKING IN PINARE) - (HISSES)

(SPEAKING IN PINARE)

(ALL CHEER)

The chief has given Mimi the task

of bringing fire back from the Statue of Liberty.

- (CHUCKLES) - Guy doesn't kid around, does he?

You promised to take me to New York when I become a man, Baboon.

- And when you're a man, I will. - In this tribe, he is a man.

And he... wants to go now?

No, no, no, no, no.

Tomorrow we fly to Caracas, we sign the divorce papers.

Then I get in a big steel bird and fly back to New York City.

Yakuza.

Did you promise to take him to New York or not?

Maybe.

Mimi Siku, I have to be back on the exchange floor.

I'm gettin' married. I cannot take you tomorrow.

Here, if you make a promise, you keep it.

"Tomorrow," "Can't," "Maybe. "

These words don't mean anything to Mimi. He doesn't understand.

It's not my fault he doesn't understand. You're his mom, you brought him down here

to live with the Pirates of the Caribbean.

Maybe you should have taught him better English.

This is the most important day in your son's life,

and he wanted you here to share it with him,

and now you're going to humiliate him in front of the whole tribe

by not keeping the first promise you ever made to him?

Baboon, I...

I want to go.

Mimi Siku,

I am... I'm very sorry.

You made wakatepe with me.

- Excuse me, Mr. Cromwell... - (GRUNTS)

but the young man you're with is urinating on the exit door.

Thank you.

Me happy to be with you, Baboon.

Michael! Michael!

All right, we gotta get moving here pretty...

Come on, get on there. It's just a moving sidewalk.

(CHUCKLES)

Michael! Hey, Mike!

- Michael, how ya' doing? - Richard, what are you doing here?

I told Langston you had a reason. You do have a reason, right?

- For what? - For holding onto the beans.

- What beans? - The coffee beans.

- You didn't sell them? - No.

I told you to sell them at 97 and a half.

Oh, God, I'm dead!

I'm gonna lose my house! Where will my children live?

MICHAEL: Richard. Excuse me. Richard, Richard, Richard.

(RICHARD GROANS)

Why didn't you sell?

'Cause you didn't confirm,

- that's why! - What?

- You did not confirm. - What's coffee doing now?

It's under 90 cents and gone limit down.

(STOMPS FOOT)

I asked you... I told you to sell it at 97 and a half...

and you can't do it, 'cause I didn't say "confirm"?

- You're an idiot! - Look, for 15 years, Michael,

you say "sell," I say "confirm. "

Sell, confirm. Sell, confirm.

You confirm, and I sell. You didn't confirm, so I didn't sell.

Look, kid, I've given to the rain forest, okay?

MICHAEL: His name is Mimi Siku.

- He's my son. - What do you mean, "son"?

You didn't have one when you left here three days ago.

Well, apparently I did.

He's Patricia's son.

He's Patricia and my son.

- This your village, Baboon? - MICHAEL: Yep. This is my village.

It's big.

MIMI: Where are all the animals?

MICHAEL: Up in their offices, where they work.

Cromwell!

Okay. Take a look at that.

Baboon must go fight the chief.

GEORGE: Look at this! Cromwell, look at this.

Coffee is at 88 and it's dropping like a brick!

By tomorrow morning, it could be 85 or lower.

MICHAEL: Just wait it out. Something will happen.

- The market will turn around. - But what if it doesn't?

You remember what happened in '91?

You can't always depend on a natural disaster.

It doesn't have to be a natural disaster.

We can hope for an assassination.

Oh, would you take it seriously for one minute?

MICHAEL: I'm trying to lighten this guy up.

Stop it. Stop it! Now, come on. Behave yourselves here!

Now something better happen fast,

or I'm gonna throw both your butts out the window!

GEORGE: What the hell do you hotshots think about

when you make these deals?

You seem to have forgotten, Cromwell,

that you were investing the company's money.

When you invest the company's money and win, the company's behind you.

But when you screw up like this

you're both on the hook for any loss we take.

That would be over a million dollars.

Now that's not my problem. And by the way, Cromwell...

when somebody is playing with millions of dollars of my money,

I generally like them in the country.

- This country! - Stop yelling, please.

This is still my office.

I'll shout, I'll yell, I'll scream as much as I want!

When I made you shareholders in this company,

it was to share profits, not losses!

Not losses is right! We're not here to share losses!

We're here to share profits. Profits!

Profits! Huh?

Look up! It's an alien circle

with Mickey Rourke's picture in it. Look at it!

Look, look, look, look, look!

Up, up! Look! Look up! Look up!

He just found out that he has a son.

- (MICHAEL SCREAMS) - Look, look, look, look, look!

Stop shouting, Baboon. Matika kill chief.

MICHAEL: Catch the damn spider, will you, please?

Mm. I...

I said I was gonna go fight the chief, not kill the chief.

Around here, only postal employees kill chief. Do you understand?

Boy, whatever you do in Venezuela, do not try the chili del fuego.

And I say we should just wait it out.

RICHARD: You're insane. Langston is right.

You know, we... we have to find a buyer for the coffee,

cut our losses and get out now.

Wow! Nice shot!

Put this away.

Would you give me a few moments with Charlotte

- before you bring Mimi up, okay? - All right.

- (BELL DINGS) - (MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

Michael, you're back!

Where's Brian? Brian, come on. Let's go.

Come on. Come, come, come.

CHARLOTTE: I missed you. You never called me.

We're here, but we're not "here," okay?

Try to think of us as, uh, furniture.

Just act natural. So, did you miss me, darling?

- I missed you very much. - (SIGHS)

My pieces in the show were such a hit that Ian...

Michael Cromwell, this is Ian Finch-Chumley.

- Good to meet you, Ian. - Hi, Michael.

CHARLOTTE: He's going to be doing a profile on me for the Fashion Channel.

He'll be following me from now through the spring collection

and he'll be covering the wedding as well.

Isn't that fabulous?

There's a Fashion Channel?

- (SCOFFS) - Yeah.

Forget the camera. Just talk to me. They're furniture.

Now, honey, did you get everything settled?

- Yeah. - Yes! Oh!

MICHAEL: Actually, um, actually...

Patricia was very reasonable.

So...

what did you bring me?

- (GRUNTS) - CAMERAMAN: Ow!

RICHARD: So, Mimi, how old are you?

The roots...

of the Yomano tree...

have broken ground three times in my life.

So, I guess... that would make you around...

- Thirteen. - Thirteen. Thirteen.

You know, I have a daughter around that age. Karen.

Will I meet daughter?

Yeah, yeah. She's just up at Charlotte's now.

She's trying on her dress for the wedding.

- What are you doing? - Feed Matika.

What's Matika?

- (SCREECHING) - (SCREAMS)

- Are you upset? - You brought back a child.

Everyone else I know comes back from South America with a bag of coffee.

Well, I have ten million bags of coffee.

I thought I'd bring back something with a little less caffeine.

I have a show to prepare and a wedding to plan.

That's months away.

Honey?

He's only gonna be here for a short while.

- (CAMERAMAN GROANING) - (BELL DINGS)

- MICHAEL: Mimi. - Baboon.

MICHAEL: What have you done with Mr. Kempster?

Excuse me. Michael.

- Do you know who Matika is? - Daddy!

Karen.

Look at you. You look...

beautiful.

Angel on table.

Look at me. I'm smoking.

The rain forest is a very hot issue right now.

Being associated with this, uh, jungle bloke,

it can only help you.

Where's the rain forest?

Brian, find out where the rain forest is.

BRIAN: Right.

- (GASPS) - Oh!

Mimi Siku,

this is Charlotte. And, uh, Charlotte,

this is Mimi Siku.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Mimi Siki.

- Mimi Siku. - Mimi Siku.

- This your female, Baboon? - This is my female.

- (CHUCKLES) - And as his female,

I'd like to invite you to dinner tonight

with Fiona Gluckman.

She's the fashion editor of Elle magazine.

Very major.

She wants to see the sketches for my wedding trousseau.

And if you're available, I'd love for you to join us.

Is there anything special you like to eat?

Lizard guts.

- Lizard guts? - Yes, but very lean.

Great earrings. (GASPS)

- Honey! - Oh! Oh!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Mimi, Mimi, Mimi.

Do you remember what we talked about, using the toilet on the airplane?

Let's continue to do that. Um,

I will find the men's room for him, and we will see you tonight.

Come on, Mimi.

Will he be wearing the loincloth to dinner?

MICHAEL: I'll get him some clothes.

No, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't.

Before you pee, you lift the seat.

After you pee, you put the seat back down.

Females in tribe start war over this. Many deaths.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, that's very good. Very...

Bob Montgomery. That's wonderful.

Listen. So, Bob, I'm standing with Michael Cromwell

and, you know, considering our long history together,

you're the first person we wanna make this offer to.

Are you ready?

Fifty-one hundred tons of coffee beans.

- (BOB LAUGHING) - (DIAL TONE)

- We're dead. Okay? - Baboon!

- Ah! He's doing a Fay Wray! - Baboon!

- Michael! Mumu! - Mimi!

- MICHAEL: Come back inside! - Statue of Liberty, Baboon.

- You do as I tell you. - Get this!

- Come look! - No, no, no! Come back here!

- MICHAEL: Mimi, wait. - Cool.

MICHAEL: Get back in here. Come on.

- Life happens around you! - MICHAEL: Move. Get outta my way.

Come on. Mimi! Watch out, watch out, watch out. Mimi! Mimi!

IAN: Get the wide-angle lens for this!

MICHAEL: Get out of the way, please!

MICHAEL: Mimi! Wait, wait, wait!

(MICHAEL SHUDDERING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SHRIEKS)

Statue of Liberty, Baboon.

Statue not far, Baboon.

Mimi, you stand right there.

- We go now? - We'll go tomorrow, okay?

- MICHAEL: Whoa. - (SIGHS)

People down there so far from us.

MICHAEL: I'd like to keep them that way, okay?

(SHUDDERING) I'm gonna die up here.

Nothing bad happened, Baboon.

I just hate heights. (PANTING)

Whoa.

Oh.

Pinare secret, don't look down.

MICHAEL: Just for the record, it's not that big a secret.

- RICHARD: Yeah! - (SIGHS)

Don't you ever, ever, ever do that to me again!

When I tell you to do something, I mean it. Do you understand me?

Mimi Siku sorry.

(SIGHS) Come on. Come on. Come on.

Mm, sorry.

I was just worried about you out there. I really was. All right?

Well, um, we should go.

- Baboon scared? - Yes, Baboon scared.

MICHAEL: Baboon not know he could be so scared.

Baboon's pants a little damp.

FIONA: Oh, my God!

- Oh, Charlie, this is fabulous! - MICHAEL: Mimi, get down.

When I saw the shoulders on this gown, I plotzed.

- (CHARLOTTE CHUCKLES) - I said to myself, "Fiona,

"this, this is the future of fashion. "

Oh, no. Remember what I told ya'?

Forks go on the left side. This side.

Small fork on the outside.

Take your knife, put it over next to the spoon.

The blade... the blade in. Perfect.

Yeah. You might wanna work on that one too.

In Lipo Lipo, we eat with hands.

In New York, New York, we eat with forks.

When are we gonna eat? I'm famished!

- (SNORTS) - A little champagne?

Gino, why don't you show her the bridesmaids sketches?

Show me, show me, show me, show me.

Oh, I'm loving this!

Ah!

CHARLOTTE: What is taking so long with the food?

MICHAEL: I'll give them a call.

I don't eat meat, I don't eat dairy,

or nightshade vegetables,

and of course, I don't touch preservatives.

- Obviously. - (THUMP)

(GRUNTS)

- Cat fat. - Mm-hmm.

- We eat cat. - Excuse me?

- (LAUGHS) - (DOORBELL RINGS)

- That must be the food. - FIONA: Oh! Finally.

- CHARLOTTE: Gino, Louis. - MAN: Coming.

We are not going to eat the cat.

(GROWLING)

- Cat's job, feed people. - No, not here.

Here, cat's job is to sleep and lick crotch.

FIONA: Oh, Charlie, it smells so good!

I can't stand it! I can't stand it!

Of course, this is much too much for me.

Did they forget my tiramisu?

(GASPS)

- FIONA: Oh, God! - This much tasty.

Your female makes good food, Baboon.

- FIONA: Oh! - (THUMP)

GINO: Oh, Louis, you are such a clich�.

(FIONA RETCHING)

CHARLOTTE: You had no right to change the rules.

MICHAEL: What rules?

When we talked about having children,

we agreed that you would be my child and that I would be your child,

and now I find out that you've had a child all along.

Wait a second. Are you saying that I knew that I had a child?

Well, if I had a child, I certainly would have known.

Hello! You're a woman. Of course you'd know.

You're there when you have it!

Look, there's no magical bond

between a father and son that spans the continents.

The only reason I know I have a child is because you insisted...

Oh, so now you're saying that you having a child is my fault?

- I don't think so, Michael. - Mimi's just visiting.

I wanna show him a good time.

After that, he goes back home,

and we can go back to being exactly the way we were,

entirely wrapped up in ourselves.

Promise?

(BLOWS)

(SIGHS)

- Ow! - (GRUNTS)

(MICHAEL GROANING)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(SNORING)

WOMAN: My little darlings.

Ah.

Oh. Are your little bellies empty?

Oh.

Bonjour.

Ah. Bonjour.

We are all so happy today, n'est-ce pas?

(SCREAMS)

What's going on up here?

(WOMAN CRYING)

Did you? Go, go, go, go!

- Go! Go! - (WOMAN SCREAMING)

Mimi, you can't do this.

You do not kill birds around here for breakfast.

If you're hungry, ask me. I bought some stuff for ya'.

This is what kids love. Cap'n Crunch.

- (WOMAN SCREAMING) - What is?

This is cereal.

It's just corn, brown sugar, yellow number five and zinc oxide?

They've added a sunblock to it.

You pour this on this,

and that's your breakfast. Enjoy yourself.

Charlie.

Come on. Wake up, sweetheart.

Wake up.

Charlie.

- Bloomingdale's burned down. - (SNORTS)

What?

Mimi's having breakfast out in the kitchen.

I will be home before lunch.

- Bye. - (GASPS)

Wait.

I can't watch him.

Women's Wear is coming to the loft.

You don't need to baby-sit him. He'll be fine.

Now go back to sleep.

Mmm.

Mimi, I gotta get going here. No. No!

This isn't... No. No, it's not your fault.

I didn't mention that you usually put this in a bowl.

When we go to Statue of Liberty?

- Uh, tomorrow. - Tomorrow?

I know I told you we were going today,

but I can't today.

I... The Baboon's making some very big trades today.

- Me go trade with Baboon. - Baboon go alone.

I'd like to be around you, but, but...

I'm obligated to go.

What means "obligated"?

Obligated. It means...

when you do something that you don't really wanna do.

Okay.

Baboon obligated.

And, uh, will you promise Baboon one thing?

You won't shoot any more animals?

And don't eat the cat.

I'll bring food home.

(SPEAKS IN PINARE)

Matika? Matika?

Matika?

Matika?

(WHISPERS) Matika?

Matika?

Matika.

Matika.

Matika?

(MOANS)

- (SCREAMS) - Nice pushibushi.

That is the last pushibushi you're gonna see around here,

you little savage!

(BEEPING)

(PHONE RINGING)

MICHAEL: Hi, we're not here right now. Leave a message.

- We'll call you right back. - (BEEPS)

MICHAEL: Charlie. Pick up. It's me.

You're probably in the bathroom, making yourself look beautiful.

Um, I don't want you feeling trapped by Mimi.

Try to open up to him.

Just don't leave him alone with the cat.

I'll see you soon. I love you. Bye.

(SCREAMS)

Michael, don't hang up! Don't hang up! There's a spider!

- (SCREECHING) - (SHRIEKING)

This can't be happening! This is a penthouse apartment!

There's nothing to gain When there's nothing to be lost

There's nothing to gain if you Stay behind and count the cost

Make a decision you can be Who you can be you can be

Tasting the fruit Come to the liberty tree

Someday

Help a guy out. Spare change for food?

Help a guy out. Spare change for food? Uh.

Eat.

Changin' your ways

Making those surrounding you

Changin' your ways More than any man can do

Right!

Find your brothers and sisters

who can hear all the truth in what you say

- Much night fun. - Honey, come on.

GIRL: Mom!

Your day It's your day

- Right there. - That way?

- Right there. - Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

We're gonna break it down

Let 'em out, let 'em out Let 'em out, let 'em out

We have to shake it down Shake it all around

MICHAEL: It's got to be 15 years since I really looked at that statue.

Yes. Uh-huh.

Eleven o'clock.

We'll be there. Okay.

What? Oh. Hung up.

I found us a buyer.

Painted faces In the strangest places

Tastin' the fruits of our roots

Ha, ha, ha, ha This is also deja vu

Or tell me is it really true Hit me like a puzzle

I ain't got a clue Is this really my imagination

That I'm confronted with these altercations, yeah

Gotta shake the tree Gotta shake the tree

(GRUNTS)

Honey, go get help!

Leave it up to me

We are shakin' the tree

(GRUNTS)

(SIREN WAILING)

We are shakin' the tree

MICHAEL: I should take some pictures of Mimi.

RICHARD: You can never have enough pictures of your kids.

We have, like, 400 albums.

I've never looked at them, but they exist. It's good.

- You know. Come on. Let's go. - (PHONE RINGING)

Michael, you have a call.

- I told you to hold all calls. - Richard, it's the police.

What?

MICHAEL: And on top of everything else,

didn't I tell you to wait in the apartment...

MIMl: I want to see Statue of Liberty.

I said we'd do that tomorrow.

Always tomorrow. You too busy for Mimi Siku!

I want to see Statue to Liberty, I go.

Look, Mimi. I've got a life here.

I can't change everything just because you showed up.

- Then why you bring me here? - I was obligated.

You obligated be with me?

(SIGHS)

Mimi. Mimi? Mimi!

Mimi, come here! Stop!

Come back here!

Mimi, I didn't mean that!

You said, "obligated"!

I didn't mean that. Now, stop! Look out!

Mimi, come on!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

MICHAEL: Get out of the street! Come on! Get out of the street!

I want to go home. You not want Mimi Siku here!

I want you here. I'm sorry.

Look, stop, stop. Look.

Sorry I said that stuff. I was just angry.

You always angry at me. "Don't do this! Don't do that!"

This is New York. This is a dangerous jungle.

Mimi Siku not scared.

- Mimi Siku a man. - MICHAEL: No, you're not a man.

You are an adolescent.

- Adolescent? - Yes. An adolescent.

You don't have a wife.

You don't have a family to support.

You are free to do whatever you want.

You're an adolescent.

What? No, no, no, no!

I am not an adolescent. I'm a man.

- I'm a man too. - Not here you're not a man.

You're a 13-year-old boy running around in a loincloth.

I'm a man too!

Okay, okay. You're right. You are a man.

But you're gonna have to learn what men do in my jungle.

And you have to learn how to breathe when you run.

Okay, first lesson. Oh!

You wanna go someplace in my village,

all you gotta do is wave your arm.

Wave your arm.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Magic.

No, magic will be if he understands English.

All right. Fulton Fish Market on "ze" double.

TAXl DRIVER: Okay. (SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Where... where is he?

Richard, this guy gets very upset when you're late.

Yes, well, he's gonna be here. He's obviously delayed...

Here he is! Okay.

MICHAEL: Get your stuff. Get out the other side.

DRIVER: Thank you very much. You call this a tip?

MICHAEL: Watch it. Mimi, watch traffic

- when you're comin' around. - What took you...

We're meeting this guy at a fish stall?

No, he is above a fish stall.

Much better.

(RICHARD RETCHES)

I love what they've done with the place.

Look, let me tell you something. This guy has a lot of money, okay?

He's the king of caviar, and he's gonna save our asses.

So you just play your hunches and let me play mine.

- Okay, okay. Now, listen up. - (GRUNTS)

When you get to the top of the stairs, ring the bell once,

knock twice,

then ring three times.

Okay.

Don't forget.

What happened to his fingers?

He rang four times. (LAUGHS)

Good luck.

RICHARD: Ring twice, knock once, ring three times, okay.

- MICHAEL: Oh, boy. - RICHARD: Okay, um, okay.

- So it is... - What? What?

- Ring twice. - MICHAEL: Ring twice. Got it.

- (BUZZING) - Knock once,

- and then you ring three times. - MICHAEL: You sure it's three?

- Yes, it's definitely three times. - (BUZZING)

- Okay. - (CLEARS THROAT)

Okay, that's wrong. So what we do, ring three times.

- (BUZZING) - I'm not sure...

- Knock once and ring twice. - No, it...

- (BUZZING) - RICHARD: Yeah. Yeah.

- (SIGHS) - We're gonna get shot.

Uh-uh. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be good.

That really worked great. I remember differently now. I got what it is.

- All right, Mr. Wizard. Take over. - Ring twice.

- RICHARD: Take over. - You knock once.

- RICHARD: And ring... - No, no, no!

You do not, whatever you do, ring four times.

ALEXEl: Open damn door!

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(DOOR CREAKING)

- Hi there. I am, uh... - Hi.

ALEXEl: Don't say a word. I know, I know.

Let me introduce my comrades to you. Stand up.

Thank you. Sit down.

Come! We talk beans.

Sit, sit.

Coffee on market now 83 cents one pound.

I pay you 85 cents one pound.

- Why you take trade? - Shh!

Uh, Michael.

Eighty-five cents more than 83 cents?

Yes, it is.

- Tell wild child to shut up! - Hey!

You know, he's just a kid. I mean, listen, he's an unusual kid.

Not now, Mama.

So moving on, so we have a deal then?

I want guarantee the price not drop below 75.

- You got it. - MICHAEL: Wait a minute.

There are no guarantees. This is, uh, speculation.

I know speculation. (LAUGHS)

He knows speculation, for heaven's sake.

So, when can we expect payment?

Oh, this is lovely.

Look, Richard, it's cash.

Oh, my God.

Take!

Look, um, would it be possible to talk to my partner in private?

Of course.

- Richard, let's go. - Oh!

It'll just take a moment.

(DOOR OPENS)

Richard, are you out of your mind?

Now we're laundering money for the Russian Mafia?

Yes, we are. And we'll iron it for them too.

Him big buradu.

Yes, he is.

MICHAEL: Come on, Mimi. Let's go.

- You cannot walk away on this, please. - MICHAEL: No deal.

RICHARD: Think about this for one second!

MICHAEL: Just get us out of this.

- All right. Oh! - Problem?

Oh, no. No, no. Not at all. Uh...

Mr. Cromwell had to take his son home.

But he thinks you're a stand-up guy, Mr. J.

He feels that...

My name is

Alex Vasili Sergei Fyodor Jovanovic.

- Not Mr. J. - (GASPS)

It's a good name.

We have deal?

"We have deal?"

We have deal?

Mmm.

- Here you go. - Thanks, buddy.

Now this is America, huh?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

- Mmm! - Tastes like lizard guts.

Oh, lizard guts.

Tell them good-bye

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Many tribes in your village, Baboon.

Yeah, I guess there are.

- Music. - What? What?

And turn it around

Now, baby

It's my life

- Do what I want - Oh, yeah

I take what I want

Show me some time

Come on, Baboon! We dance!

I don't dance in public.

Come. I'll show you.

It's my life I do what I want

It's my life I'll give what I want

- It's my life, oh, yeah - I'll do what I want

It's my life

I'll do what I want, baby It's my life

Give me what I want now It's my life

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

It's my life

It's my life I can do what I want

It's my life It's only my life

Na, na, na, na

Na-na, na, na, na-na

(LAUGHS)

It's my life I can do what I want, yeah

MICHAEL: Pretty cool. I haven't danced like that

since I was a little kid.

Oh. You'll get used to those shoes.

Huh? Here.

Why don't you give her the flowers?

Charlie, how'd that interview go?

- You home, Charlie? - CHARLOTTE: Michael, I'm in here!

Charlie?

CHARLOTTE: Michael, I've been in this bathroom for hours!

- Make sure you open a window. - CHARLOTTE: Michael!

I'm being attacked by a giant spider!

(SCREAMS)

I can see it! Move away from the door!

Move away from the door! Grab this thing. Come on. Come on.

- CHARLOTTE: Do something! - MICHAEL: I'm doing something.

I'm gonna fight it. Stay away from the door!

MICHAEL: Look at that. Oh, it's a big one! It's a big one!

Be careful!

MICHAEL: I'm gonna put it in the wastebasket.

Don't come out here yet. It's still moving.

- Put the thing back in its box. - CHARLOTTE: What?

MICHAEL: It's as big as an ox!

You bad girl, Matika.

Stay here.

(SIGHS)

To him it's like a pet.

No, no, no. A dog is a pet, Michael. A cat is a pet!

Although for your son, a cat is a dietary supplement as well.

We'll just keep him out on the balcony.

How do you know it hasn't already laid eggs in the apartment?

I'll have the place fumigated.

What if they miss one and it crawls into my ear one night

while I'm sleeping and lays its eggs in my brain?

We'll have to have them come back and spray again.

- This is serious! We have to move! - (DOORBELL RINGS)

You're blowing this way out of proportion.

Oh!

Ian. Great.

- I've really missed you. - IAN: Is Charlotte all right?

Look, if something dramatic has happened, it should be on film.

I have a shoot tomorrow which I was unable to prepare for,

because I was trapped in the bathroom all day by his son's pet spider.

So I'll be spending the night at the loft to make up for lost time.

So the appearance of little Mowgli is straining the relationship?

Ian, you're furniture, and furniture doesn't talk.

CHARLOTTE: Furniture may not talk, Michael, but it listens,

better than you do. I'm an artist, Michael.

You look at something and see what it is.

I look at something and see what it can be...

- (BELL DINGS) - ... and who can wear it.

- Charlotte. - (SIGHS)

MICHAEL: You all right?

Charlotte's mad.

- She doesn't like me. - MICHAEL: No, no, no, no.

Come on. It's not you at all. It's me.

She's afraid of change.

Why did Paliku leave you, Baboon?

- (SIGHS) - Boy, um...

I probably took her for granted.

So now you're with Charlotte?

Yes, I am.

Many females in your village, Baboon.

Mm-hmm.

Why you pick only one?

Well, when you pick one to love...

it's very different

It's like there's a big picture of her

in front of your face at all times.

And the picture's so big

you can't see any other females.

Well, I try harder to make Charlotte like me.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

- JAN: Hi! - Hello, Jan. You look nice today.

Thank you.

This is Mimi Siku.

Mimi, this is Mrs. Kempster. I think you know Karen.

- Isn't he adorable? - Mom!

- (SHOUTS) Hello, Mimi Siku! - Jan.

I am so happy that you've come to our house...

- Jan. - ... in the country to spend the night!

- Jan, he's not deaf. - Although he might be now.

I can't thank you enough for letting him spend the night.

I've really got to spend some time with Charlotte.

It's our pleasure.

MICHAEL: All right. Everything he needs is in the knapsack here.

He sleeps in a hammock.

It's in there. He'll set it up somewhere around the yard.

Okay!

- Is Richard home? - He left early for the office.

MAN ON RADIO: Over in the Comex, coffee continues to plunge

from its high of 97 and a half less than a week ago...

(PHONE RINGING)

MAN ON RADIO: The blue chip indicator rose slightly...

(RINGING CONTINUES)

In other news...

What kind of a dumb name is Mimi Siku?

Don't be rude. He probably thinks Andrew is a dumb name.

So do I.

- I think Mimi Siku is a nice name. - You would.

These are my father's fish.

That's a...

Poe...

Poe, uh...

It's a poecilia latipinna.

They're from the Amazon.

MIMl: We call it "Rishi. "

- Rishi? - Yeah.

Oh. I like that name better.

At least I can pronounce it.

Oh! Hi.

Do you like fish, Mimi? I'm cooking...

fish for lunch.

- "We call it Rishi. " - JAN: Fish.

Oh!

This not fish.

- Not taste good. - Oh.

It's frozen, Mimi.

You have to cook it first.

Oh! Poor thing.

Be honest. Which do you like best for the flower girl's dress?

- (PHONE RINGING) - (PHONE BEEPS)

- Yeah? - Michael, it's me!

MICHAEL: Richard, not now.

- Charlotte and I are just about to... - RICHARD: Look toward the kitchen.

Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here.

Great. Okay. All right, Richard. Thanks.

- Bye. - (PHONES BEEPS)

Excuse me just for a second, please.

What? What? What?

- I made the deal. - MICHAEL: What deal?

Uh...

with Jovanovic. After you left, I made...

the deal.

- Are you outta your mind? - Yes, yes.

- I am. I am outta my mind. Squid? - No, no, no.

How did you get the certificates out of the vault without my signature?

- Well... - You forged my signature?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was afraid we would lose everything.

What did you do with the money?

It's here. Here!

You're walking around New York City...

(SHOUTS) with a million dollars

- in a suitcase? - Not so loud. Would you...

It's good.

Hi. The worst part...

- There's a worst part. - Oh, yes, there is.

Coffee fell...

below 75 this morning.

- Let me think. Let me think. - Yes.

- (SNAPS FINGER) - Come on.

We will go to Jovanovic.

Tell him we made a big mistake. Give him the money back.

- Charlotte, hi. - Richard, what you are doing here?

There's a very big problem...

- Don't tell me. You're leaving. - ... with the coffee trade.

- This is very important to me. - And I'm not?

Of course, you're important.

You are the most important thing in the world to me...

except for this other thing I gotta do now.

This better be an emergency.

It is. We're gonna die.

KAREN: Does anyone know where Mimi is?

Mom, Mimi's doing something bad.

Oh!

Well...

Um...

- Isn't that interesting. - Me cook real fish.

- You taste? - Try everything once, I always say.

JAN: Oh. Hot. Okay.

That is very tasty. Where'd you get the fish?

Mom, Tarzan's eating Daddy's fish.

House pond.

House pond?

- We'll manage to survive this, okay? - Yeah, but it's easy for you to say.

- I got kids to feed. - So do I.

But mine want Nike and Nintendo.

Yours wants blowguns and Meow Mix.

Beluga.

- Best caviar in whole world. - Oh, yes, yes.

- Bar none. The best. - Very good.

- Taste. - No, not without toast points.

- Gotta have toast points. - Tempting, tempting.

- Taste! - Yeah, all right. Look at that.

- Right out of the fish. - Mm!

- Mm. - Mm.

- It's so fishy. - Very fishy. Eggy.

- (SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN) - (SPITTING)

Morrison tell me coffee now below 70, no?

We were as shocked as you are.

- Ow. - Much lower than 75.

We think it was wrong to sell you the coffee futures.

We want to buy them back.

- How much? - MICHAEL: The same.

A million dollars.

You lose money?

Oh!

Don't worry about that. (CHUCKLES)

We value your friendship is what it is.

- And our fingers. - (LAUGHING)

Very good.

I do not know.

What's not to know? You're cleaning up here.

- You are shrewd men. - MICHAEL: No, no, no, no.

Believe me,

shrewdness is not in the picture.

- I told you. Time heals everything. - (ENGINE STARTS)

It just... Oh, the door's locked.

Well, that's a statement, I guess. Okay, so...

I'll keep these certificates at my house and...

Don't worry about me.

I'm sure there's a train I can take.

It's not like it's a dangerous neighborhood

or anything.

Hi. How are you doing?

CHARLOTTE: And this is supposed to be a bribe?

Is it working?

It's pretty effective.

(CHUCKLES)

I'll get some champagne.

And I'll change into something more comfortable.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHARLOTTE GARGLING)

(BELL DINGS)

(CAT GROANS)

(GASPS)

(PURRING)

Huh?

- (MEOWS) - (THUMP)

Oh, no!

Oh, girl. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.

- That was an accident. Come on. - (PURRING)

Oh. Oh.

Ah.

- Coco, Coco. Come on. Coco? Coco? - (PURRING)

Michael, I was thinking about taking tomorrow morning off.

Yes, that's a great idea. Whatever you'd like to do.

'Cause then it would just be... it would just be you and me, wouldn't it?

- (PURRING) - Coco?

Coco, come on.

Here. Snap out of it. Come on.

Come on, Coco. You're killin' me. Wake up!

Coco, what's that? It's a mouse! Go get it!

- (THUD) - Oh.

Coco, Coco, Coco. Coco? Coco?

Coco?

Mmm.

(GRUNTS)

Jan!

- Now where is this champagne? - (MICHAEL MEOWING)

- Let's go in the kitchen. - (MICHAEL MEOWS)

- You're so feisty today. - (MICHAEL MEOWS)

CHARLOTTE: It's so nice to see you and Coco getting along so well.

She's so fast.

Oh.

What do you say we take the champagne and drink it in the bedroom?

- (MUSIC PLAYING) - (CHARLOTTE HUMMING)

So, uh, let me just get this clear in my head.

You thought what? That I wouldn't notice?

Those fish cost thousands of dollars.

I think what we have here is an intercultural misunderstanding.

Uh, why don't you tell that to my yellow dwarf cichlids?

Because they can't hear anymore!

- Fish taste good. - RICHARD: Well, let's hope so, Mimi.

'Cause you just downed 10,000 dollars worth of sushi.

There's still one left.

Winky.

My most loyal fish.

Remember how he used to always follow my finger across the glass?

Now I'm gonna have to go like this.

Everybody, go to bed. It's late.

- Give me this. - No.

Come on, sweetheart. All right, keep it.

JAN: Mimi, you go to bed too.

RICHARD: It's just, you know, I mean,

- It's one thing to... - JAN: Come on.

RICHARD: You have no idea what this kind of...

JAN: Yes, I know...

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

(SIGHS)

- Wait. - (CHUCKLES)

Wait.

Wait.

- MIMl: Now! - (KAREN LAUGHS)

- (SCREAMS) - (MIMl LAUGHS)

MIMl: You Pinare now.

Choose a name.

Choose for me.

Ukume.

What?

- Ukume. - KAREN: What does it mean?

It means...

sound of rain on river water.

Ukume. It's pretty.

Jan! Jan!

You're going to camp. End of discussion.

Dad? But, Mom,

- we didn't do anything. - Not understand problem.

Look, I'll tell you the problem, Mimi.

You started a wildfire in my yard. You ate my yellow dwarf cichlid.

- (PHONE RINGING) - And now you're putting the moves

on my 12-year-old daughter, okay?

That's just not true.

- Oh, well, there. See? See? - Maybe you're overreacting, Richard.

- I was putting the moves on him. - RICHARD: Tell me I didn't hear that!

- (PHONE RINGING) - Well, now, honey.

Honey, maybe we should be grateful that this happened at home.

- (RINGING CONTINUES) - KAREN: Mom.

- RICHARD: Hold on! - Mom, nothing happened!

You know what, Karen? You're still going to camp!

An all-girls camp!

- Yes! - KAREN: My name's not Karen anymore.

- It's Ukume. - First dibs on Ukume's room.

(SIGHS)

Oh, now, this makes me feel a whole lot better!

Karen?

- Karen, Honey? - I still don't understand

- the problem. - Not now. He might bite you.

- Hello? - MORRISON: Richard, it's Morrison.

- RICHARD: Yeah? - JAN: Let's just go away.

MORRISON: I just had another visit from Jovanovic.

Yeah?

MORRISON: Oh, then you haven't seen what's happening this morning?

Seen what?

Price of coffee is soaring.

Jovanovic thinks you screwed him.

He may be coming by for the certificates.

You mean he's angry?

(GROWLING)

MICHAEL: Boy, Coco, you slept like a log last night.

- Charlie? - CHARLOTTE: Hmm?

How would you feel about Mimi being in the wedding?

CHARLOTTE: I thought he was gonna be gone by then.

(PHONE RINGING)

Remember, it's just you and me this morning.

- I remember. - CHARLOTTE: No business, no Mimi.

MICHAEL: What is it, Richard? I can't...

Stop, stop, stop. What?

- (CAT MOANS) - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Don't panic, please.

Should we go out for breakfast or do you think we should stay in?

- Michael? - (CAT MOANS)

RICHARD: Okay, everybody! Change of plans!

Jan, you take everyone out

for a big breakfast! And Bring a change of clothes!

- (TIRES SCREECHING) - (CAR HONKING)

I told you.

Karen, we don't have time for this, honey.

KAREN: I'm not going to an all-girls camp.

Karen, open this door right now, do you hear me?

Calm down. What is going on?

- (CLEARS THROAT) - (WHISPERS)

...with a big knife!

Karen, open the door right this minute!

RICHARD: You get the car ready. I'll take care of her, okay?

Go, go! Please, please! Go! Go.

Andrew, clear the door.

(GRUNTS)

Cool.

(KNOCKING)

RICHARD: Karen! Open this door.

Karen, open this door right now. Do you hear me?

(BANGING ON THE DOOR)

- Your father's very mad. - I'm not coming out!

(HONKS)

- (THUD) - (RICHARD GROANS)

I'll get matches. We'll smoke her out.

Andrew, get back here. I can handle this.

Karen, this is getting really, really boring!

(KNOCKING)

- RICHARD: Open it! Come on! - Any word from the Russians?

Not yet. No, no. Karen! Open up!

- What's goin' on? - Karen has locked herself

in the bedroom, okay?

Come on, honey. Open this door, or you know what's gonna happen?

Andrew is gonna smoke you out! How about that?

- Cool! - I am kidding.

- Get back here. - MICHAEL: Calm down.

Please, calm down. Where's Mimi?

I don't know. He's probably in a bar hitting on a cocktail waitress.

- MICHAEL: What? - Karen!

Your son just spent the night in his hammock with my daughter. Okay?

- Was there a pot involved? - RICHARD: No,

- there was no pot involved. - You have nothing to be upset about.

- There is nothing to be upset about? - MICHAEL: No!

Come here.

There's no reason to be upset, huh?

How about the fact that your son ate my prizewinning fish,

including Winky.

And the fact that the Russian Mafia is due here any moment.

I guess you're right.

(GROANS)

That's a pain that's here to stay.

Richard, screaming is no way to deal with a child, all right?

Oh, what are you suddenly Dr. Spock, here?

You've been a father for three days, you're giving me lessons?

- RICHARD: That's good. - You sound like an idiot.

I'm a parent! Therefore, I'm an idiot.

I have spent every day for the last 12 years worrying about my kids.

About their safety, about their happiness,

about their crooked teeth.

- No offense. - None taken.

But of course, none of this means anything to you,

because in the next few days your son will be gone.

- Open this door! - (KNOCKING)

Karen! Open up!

- (SIGHS) - I've gotta get her out of here.

Look, two shoulders are better than one, right? Come on.

Baboon is here. He made peace.

(BOTH SCREAM)

All right!

(GROANING)

- Oh. - Awesome fall, Dad.

Thank you, Andrew.

Okay, we gotta get Jan and the kids in the car

before Jovanovic gets here. Andrew, meet me downstairs.

- Are you okay, Daddy? - Yeah, I'm fine.

Let me lean on ya, honey.

- Mimi, come on downstairs. - Coming.

- Anybody can land on their feet. - (BONES CRACKING)

- RICHARD: Okay, Andrew, let's go! - KAREN: Where are we going?

- KAREN: What's the matter? - French toast sale going on.

RICHARD: Oh.

Good morning.

Sorry.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Give me coffee certificates.

(SIGHS)

You don't think I would keep certificates like that

around my house, would you?

Don't make me lose temper.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Dad keeps everything in the bookcase.

Andrew! Ow!

Behind the Bible and Judith Krantz.

Thank you, Andrew. (CHUCKLES)

(THUD)

Oh. Scruples.

Could not put it down.

- (SIGHS) - (CLEARS THROAT)

ALEXEl: Oh!

All right, so, uh, you have your certificates.

And I would appreciate it if you would just take them

and leave my house.

- Sit. - Sure.

First, I teach never to make fool of Jovanovic again.

(CHUCKLES) Rope him down.

"Rope him down"?

I have an idea.

- You'll need these. - What? What?

RICHARD: Ow!

RICHARD: Couldn't we discuss this over a lovely cup of coffee?

- ALEXEl: Quiet! - RICHARD: Or Jan

could whip up some borscht.

ALEXEl: You make a fool of Jovanovic...

- No. - ... in front of my comrades

and my community.

You waste my time. You try to cheat me.

- Oh! - ALEXEl: Now...

you must pay.

- Oh! - ALEXEl: Sit still, coward.

- (RICHARD GRUNTS) - ALEXEl: Now, I teach you

never... never to make a fool of Jovanovic again.

(RICHARD GASPS)

- ALEXEl: Eeny? - (RICHARD GASPS)

- Meeny? - Uh-uh.

Miney? No, need that one for traffic.

- ALEXEl: Mo? - (MATIKA SQUEAKING)

(SIGHS)

ALEXEl: Huh?

What?

(GASPS) Spider!

I hate spiders! (SCREAMS)

Kill spider! Kill spider quickly!

Not me! Spider!

Don't move! The spider could kill you.

ALEXEl: Kill spider. Shoot, boy. Go ahead.

Don't worry about mess!

- (ALEXEl GRUNTS) - Get him, Mimi!

(ALEXEl SCREAMING)

KAREN: I'm coming, Daddy!

- (SCREAMS) - (LAUGHS)

RICHARD: Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

- (ANDREW SCREAMS) - MAN: Get away!

Don't you do that to my son!

RICHARD: Show them what the Kempsters are made of!

Bite him, Andrew! Use those crooked teeth!

- Crap! - (SNORING)

Shoot again, Baboon! Shoot again!

Ah!

- (MAN SCREAMING) - RICHARD: Good boy, Andrew!

(MAN SCREAMING)

KAREN: Daddy?

- Don't shoot. - Oh.

(MAN GRUNTING)

(MICHAEL GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(LAUGHS)

(GROANING)

Baboon, when thumb doesn't work, Pinare do this.

(GROANS)

Oh.

That's gotta hurt. Oh!

(GROANS)

(GASPS)

I'm starting to really like that spider.

ALEXEl: Please, don't punch spider at me any longer!

I'm going. I'm going.

(CAR ENGINE SPUTTERING)

I have many enemies, but none like that spider.

Drive!

Karen, time to come inside, baby!

MIMl: I want you to have this.

RICHARD: Well, Mimi, here's all your stuff.

Better get going, huh? Your dad is waiting.

Bye, Michael.

Bye, Mimi.

Come on. I'm gonna take you someplace.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

MICHAEL: Come on. Come on. Come on.

- (BELL RINGS) - Excuse me. Excuse me.

Come on.

Last time I was here...

I bought that for your mom.

I want to go back home.

- You sick? - MIMl: No.

You sure?

All right, um,

but we got to come back here in a couple of days. Tell you why.

Fourth of July.

It's like that Fanenteyou celebration of yours.

But here it's big. There's boats everywhere

and you can see thousands of people.

And at night, they shoot off fire in the sky like you've never seen.

I fail the chief, Baboon.

How did you fail the chief?

Didn't get the fire from the Statue of Liberty.

The fire isn't real.

The fire's in here.

Chief knows that.

I miss Paliku.

I want to go back home.

Home.

All right.

Ouch. Oh. Almost forgot.

You'll be needing this.

- You keep it. - MICHAEL: No, Mimi.

- No, no, no. - Here.

If you kill a fly...

you will be a real Pinare.

- Yeah, like that's gonna happen. - (CHUCKLES)

You know, I will practice.

That way I can come down and hunt with you.

(MIMl CHUCKLES)

You'll never come to Lipo Lipo.

ANNOUNCER:... for Flight 935 to Caracas, Venezuela.

- MICHAEL: Time to go. - ANNOUNCER: Gate 48.

Thanks for the blowgun.

Mimi, got you something.

It's for you.

But I want you to open it in the plane. Don't open it now.

I also got you...

this.

(LAUGHS)

Fire from Statue.

MICHAEL: Fire from Statue.

Pretty cool, huh?

Be careful with it.

(SIGHS)

Wakatepe.

Wakatepe.

(CLEARS THROAT)

MICHAEL: Charlie, I got a great idea.

What do you say you and I get the hell outta here?

Tomorrow. Just the two of us.

Head out to our favorite spa, that big suite.

Just get to know each other again.

That's not good for me, darling.

Me neither.

I really want to film all that, but...

I've got an appointment with my chiropractor this weekend.

You know how much my bloody back affects my work.

- Oh, I know. - (SIGHS)

- We could do it a week Friday. - That's not good for me.

It's good for Ian.

Well, whatever's good for Ian.

CHARLOTTE: I suggest we go for a following Wednesday.

Wednesdays are good.

Cromwell! Cromwell! Coffee's up another two points.

My boys, I never doubted you for a minute.

What do you say we go down to the trading floor

with those certificates and make us some money?

Money is honey.

(CROWD SHOUTING)

Oh, look at those prices!

Boys, we're gonna clean up!

(FLY BUZZING)

- I ever tell you about cocoa in '73? - Many times.

There I was with 800 lots of cocoa

back in the days before greed became a dirty word.

Now, I don't have to explain that to you, my boy.

You're a professional.

But that Cromwell, he's a disaster waiting to happen.

I don't know what's going on with him.

Between me and you, Cromwell has become a colossal pain in the...

Oh!

- (MOANS) - (THUD)

Yes!

Yes!

Uh, George? Uh, get him something...

Michael! Where you going?

MIMI: "And not only did he learn by... "

- PATRICIA: "Experience. " - MIMl: "Experience...

- "but... instincts... - Good.

"... long dead, became alive again. "

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE BEEPS)

- Baboon? - MICHAEL: I nailed a fly.

- No! - MICHAEL: You don't believe me?

- MICHAEL: I'll show you. - When?

Right now.

Baboon!

Baboon!

Baboon!

- (MIMl LAUGHS) - MICHAEL: Oh!

Oh!

Look at you.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Now you're a Pinare, Baboon.

Will you stay with me in Lipo Lipo?

For a while.

If you teach me how to hunt.

Oh.

Got you something.

Maybe you can use this.

ALL: Oh!

- (METAL CLANKS) - The real deal.

How's Karen?

I don't know.

Why don't you ask her yourself?

- Now that's a very big bug. - (SPRAYING)

Honey, this isn't one of those topless tribes, is it?

Don't even think about that, Andrew.

I can't, Dad. I'm too nauseous from the boat ride.

MIMl: Ukume!

Ukume!

Mimi! Mimi!

- Karen! - RICHARD: Ah!

(GRUNTS)

- Looks too hot. - MAN: Mm.

- Too hot. - (MAN GRUNTS)

(VILLAGERS GRUNT)

MICHAEL: Oh!

(VILLAGERS GRUNT)

- (VILLAGERS GRUNT) - (GULPS)

(VILLAGERS GRUNT)

(VILLAGERS GRUNT)

(SCREAMS) Look at my hand!

Mm, it starts in the heart

Mm, way down in your soul

Mm, it starts in the heart

Mm

Brick by brick and stone by stone

We all find a way to build a wall

And all they get is more alone

Can you see the stones have got to fall

Oh, yeah

We can let them stand

But then nobody wins

We can work together

Find somewhere to begin

It starts in the heart

Way down in the soul

That's the only place

The seeds of love can grow

Then you realize

That we're not that far apart

We gotta build a bridge

It starts in the heart

- It starts in the heart - Oh, yes, it does

- Oh, way down in the soul - Mm, yeah

- It starts in your heart - Ah, yeah

I look at you You look at me

Can't you see that I am on your side

Though we sometimes disagree

We can find a way to make it right

Though the road is long

And it isn't always clear

- I know there's some way - Yeah

To get there from here

If we get there

It starts in the heart

Way down in the soul

That's the only place, yeah

The seeds of love can grow

Then you realize

That we're not that far apart

If you wanna build a bridge

Oh, Lord It starts in the heart

The road I'm seeing in my dreams

Will only come if we believe

Starts in everything you say

In the smile and every way

Starts the moment that you see

There's more to life than you and me

Love is not a mystery

- Starts the moment we believe - It starts in the heart

Way down in the soul

That's the only place, yes

The seeds of love can grow

Then you realize

That we're not that far apart

If you wanna build a bridge

Come on

If you wanna build a bridge

- Ah, it starts in the heart - It starts in the heart

- Way down in the soul - Way down in the soul

- Starts in your heart - It starts in your heart

- Way down in your soul - Way down in the soul

- That's the only place - It starts in the heart

- Ah, yeah - Way down in your soul

- Seeds of love can grow - It starts in your heart

- Mm, yeah - Way down in your soul

- That's the only place - It starts in the heart

- Ah, yeah - Way down in the soul

- Seeds of love can grow - It starts in your heart

- Mm, darlin' - Way down in your soul

- It starts in the heart - Oh, my heart, my heart

- It starts in the heart - Oh, darlin'

- Way down in my soul - Yeah

- It starts in my heart - Way down in the soul

- It starts in the heart - Oh, yes, it does

- Way down in your soul - Mm, yeah

- It starts in the heart - Mm

- Way down in the soul - It's the only place

It starts in my heart

Way down in my soul

- It starts in the heart - Starts in your heart

Way down in your soul Mmm

(SPEAKING IN PINARE)