All language subtitles for Bonanza - S01E09 - Mr. Henry Comstock.eng

ADAM:
Sure hard work pushing
all that cattle

up into that high country.

HOSS:
That water sure
does look good, too.

I can't hardly wait
to wash off some of this grit.

(laughing):
Careful, Little Joe.

That's the closest you've come
to taking a bath in months.

(gunshot)

Now... now, who are you?

Never mind who I am.

Just get off my land.

Your land?

Now, what are you
talking about, mister?

You know what I'm talking about.

You ain't deaf, are ya?

No, we ain't deaf,
but you sure you ain't got

just a little bit too much
sunshine, old timer?

Now, look, maybe you got, uh...

kind of got your
directions mixed up.

(horse whinnying)

All right, now,
don't anybody move.

Why'd you want to go do a thing
like that for, old timer?

I know my rights.

The law says that I can shoot
trespassers on sight.

Now, look, you're-you're
on the Ponderosa.

I bought this land, mister,

and there ain't nobody gonna
take it away from me.

What...?

(theme music playing)

MAN:
I don't want
to kill anybody,

but I will, if you push me.

Nobody's trying
to push you, mister.

But what makes you think
this is land is yours?

I said
I bought it.

$25 hard money.

I got the bill of sale
to prove it.

"I hereby sell you all the land
between the east shore

"of Lake Tahoe and Sun Mountain
for $25 cash.

Signed, Henry T.P. Comstock."

(all laughing)

HOSS:
Henry Comstock.

Old timer, I guess you were
just one of the many

who were taken in by
our dear friend, Mr. Comstock.

I guess you didn't know him
any too well, did you?

I don't have to know him.

I got the bill of sale
there to prove it.

The bill of sale.

That old thief would sell
him the Territory of Nevada

if he could
get away with it.

Looks like
he did, too.

You remember the first time we
ever seen him, Little Joe?

JOE:
That wild-eyed
old mule of his?

(all laughing)

That black,
stove-pipe hat

that made him look
pious as a preacher.

(hearty laughter)

MAN: You know how many men
have draped this tree?

28 men and one woman.

We figure to make it a nice
round figure, like 30.

All right,
let's get it over with.

Hyah!

Whoa, whoa!

What in the name of creation's
your hurry?

Mind if I have a last word
with my friend?

Friend?!

You haven't got a friend within
50 miles of Hangtown.

Lord, I... I'm ready
whenever you say the word,

but Lord, I-I hope
you forgive me, if I...

I don't have time
to tell these boys

about the big new movement
going on around here.

What in thunder big movement
you talking about?

Changing the name of Hangtown
to Placerville.

You boys hear of anything
such goings-on around here?

Lord, looks like you
left these boys

up in the hills too long.

You know the first law
they passed

was there'd be no more hangings
within the city limits.

City limits? How far are they?

Clear to the top
of the Sierra Nevada mountains.

That's a good hundred miles.

Mighty ambitious town,
Placerville.

Lord, you didn't tell
these boys nothing.

You didn't tell them
there's mighty touchy people

around here, too, especially
about any unnecessary hanging.

Hanging you is about
the most necessary thing

a hard-rock miner could ever do.

So we'll escort you the hundred
miles over the Sierra Nevada,

and hang you there.

I thank you.

Because, Mr. Henry
T.P. Comstock,

you're just about
the crookedest, slimiest,

most double-dealin',
weaselin', lyin', thievin',

no-good claim-jumper

that ever to hit the
State of California.

Hyah! Hyah!

(wood cracking)

Four hours.

It took four hours
to bring that thing down.

Heh! That isn't such
a long time, Little Joe.

Not when it took 400
years for it to grow.

400 years.

Well, that's even before
Columbus sailed out of Spain

to discover America.

BEN:
Hoss, there were trees

that were living and
growing in this forest

that were old when Christ pulled
fish out of the Sea of Galilee.

Don't cut unless you plant.

That's right, Hoss.

That's why we're here.

Not just to take from
the land, but to give.

Yes, sir.

Can you see it?

A hundred years from now,
standing tall against the sky.

Plant it, Adam.

Sure, Pa.

Well, little Ponderosa,

see you around in a couple
of hundred years

when you're a
big Ponderosa.

Thousands of people who, one
day, will come to this land,

will be mighty thankful
for what we've done.

There's timber up there
to build whole new cities,

launch fleets of ships.

JOE:
Hear that, Hoss?

Older brother Adam
is planning

to build that Yankee
fleet of his again.

Well, it's gonna take
a mite more water

than we got hereabouts
to float it in, Little Joe.

Water?

You don't think
Adam is planning

to sail his ships on
just plain ol' water, do you?

I guess you two mountain boys
haven't heard--

just so happens
I'm planning on ships

that sail across sand.

Mm!
I remember walking across
about 600 miles of it

the last time Pa sent me
to Salt Lake City

to file them claim papers.

ADAM:
How would you like to be able
to do it in under three days?

(laughing)
Oh, come on now!

From here to Salt Lake
City in three days?

How you going to do that?

I think he's going to
fly through the air, Hoss.

Maybe two days.

Oh-ho!
Well, maybe one day.

You talking about
a railroad, son?

I'd be talking
about a railroad, Pa.

Dreams are mighty
good things to have, son.

You know what it takes
to build a railroad?

Track.

Track that runs across sand,
around mountains

and over rivers.

And track ain't nothing
but a lot of rail

and a bed of ties to lay it on.

You'd cut down all
these wonderful trees,

to provide ties for a railroad?

I'd cut them down, Pa.

And I'd put new ones
in their place.

(gunshot)

Hey, that sounded
like a rifle shot.

(gunshot)

From the
California side.

Sounded to me like it
come off the Ponderosa.

(gunshot)

(gunshot)

Dorothy,
if you don't move faster,

you're gonna be key witness
to a hanging.

(Dorothy braying)

So he thinks he can sneak
away on that old mule?

Hyah! Come on.

(men shouting,
whistling)

How do you feel about four men
chasing one man on a mule?

Well, maybe they have a
reason for chasing him.

But I don't care
for the odds.

We sure could
improve them, Pa.

We sure could sweeten 'em
up some at that, Pa.

(shouting,
whooping, whistling)

We'd better stop 'em too,
before they stir up the Paiutes.

Last time somebody
stirred them up,

three families of settlers
paid for it with their lives.

All right, boys,
let's sweeten 'em.

(mule braying)

Adam?
Yeah?

How far off you reckon
them fellers are?

Oh, about a half
a mile maybe.

Yeah, that's just about
what I figured.

Hey, Hoss, even with that
Sharps buffalo gun you got,

you don't figure you can hit a
target at a half-mile distance?

You watch that feller's hat.

What in thunder was that?!

(Dorothy braying)

Dorothy, that shot come from
the direction I thought it did?

Oh.

Hoss, let me see that
little old squirrel gun
of yours for a minute?

Sure, Adam.
See that, Pa?

(horses whinnying)

Couldn't be Comstock.

He didn't even have a rifle.

And, Little Joe, what was all
this talk about a half a mile?

HOSS:
Good shooting.

You want to try it,
Little Joe?

Yeah, I better!

You right sure, now?

Well, I think I better if I want
to stay living with this family.

(rifle cocking)

Ow!

That's a mighty fine
old gun you got there, Hoss.

That was mighty good shooting.

Just the kind of thing
any New Orleans boy

learns to do about the time
he learns to walk.

Take a crack at it, Pa?

Well, if I have to.

Just to show you young
whippersnappers.

Go ahead; you
can't miss now.

Give me that rifle.

Mighty fine
shooting, Pa.

We gotta get
outta here, Heck.

They ain't men,
they're devils!

Where are they shootin' from,
that's what I want to know!

I don't know where
it's coming from,

but it's the best
darn shootin' I ever saw.

Good shootin', all right,

but it's done by men like us,
not devils.

Thank you for looking favorably
on the countenance

of this miserable sinner, Lord.

I sure do appreciate it.
I sure do.

And to prove it, I won't lie,
or steal

or ever jump any other feller's
claim again as long as I live.

Strike me dead if I do, Lord!

You strike me dead!!

(Dorothy brays)

Heck, I don't like
this place.

Feels haunted to me.
Why don't we go back
to Californy?

Let's go back!

We only came here to get rid
of that Comstock fellow

in the first place.

Not get rid of him,
hang him!

I promised myself to see
that old thief hang,

and I mean to keep that promise.

Well, I think we scared
those fellows off.

They're heading back
to California.

Yeah, they are.

And maybe they aren't.

Quite an exhibition of skill,
my friends.

Truly the best exhibition
of the fine art of rifle
shooting I've ever seen

since the days
of that esteemed gentleman,

Quincy P. Strongheart.

Ah, yes, I can see it
all just as though
it were yesterday.

My boyhood chum, Quincy P.,
raised at my side,

in sight of the stormy
and treacherous waters

of Lake Nipishima.

HOSS:
What in the tarnation are you
talkin' about, mister?

ADAM:
What did you do to stir up
all that excitement?

He's probably one
of them claim jumpers

they run out of California.

Lad, I beseech you,

don't mention that evil place
to me.

I, Henry T. P. Comstock,
who have roamed

the four corners of the Earth,
have sailed every shore

and coastline of the seven seas,

never want to hear the name of
that foul-sounding place again

as long as I live.

Why were you run out?

I?

You think I, Henry Comstock,
was run out of California?

Run out and told
never to come back.

How many claims
did you jump?

Did you hear that?

(braying)
Not you, Dorothy.

Lord, right where I stand,
right where I stand,

if I, Henry Comstock,
ever jumped

or even thought of jumping
any other gold miner's claim,

strike me dead.

(Dorothy brays)

(all laugh)

COMSTOCK:
Not yet, Lord!

I... I know
I'm a miserable sinner,

and certain things have been
known to cling to my fingers,

but I'm not ready yet, Lord,

to meet the hellfires
of retribution!

Not yet, Lord, not yet.

Hellfires of retribution!
You hear that, Little Joe?

I figure if a man
is gonna get religion,

he might as well
get it in a hurry.

(laughs)

Mr. Comstock,

before your time is up,
I think there's room

for at least one
good meal in there

to help see you through
that final journey.

Do my ears deceive me

or did I... did I hear you
mention food?

(chuckles)

Well, gentlemen,
when do we eat?

You, too, Dorothy.
(laughing)

Dorothy, food. Come.

Gentlemen, I have feasted
at the tables of kings

and dined in the company
of millionaires,

but never,
I repeat, never

have I enjoyed
such a meal as this.

This is Hop Sing's
doing, Mr. Comstock.

In all your traveling,
you ever meet a finer cook?

My good man, worthy descendant
of Confucius that you might be,

I must compliment you on having
acquired a skill and wizardry

in the culinary arts unmatched
in all this land.

He no like the rib?

No, he like's 'em, Hop Sing.

Oh, very good.
I bring more. Got plenty more.

Yeah, you do that,
Hop Sing, you do that.

Mr. Comstock, do you have any
late news of my good friend,

Captain John Sutter?

Sir, you're referring
to Captain John Sutter

of the Sacramento Valley?

Are there any other
Captain John Sutters?

Ah, well, the poor man, he's,
he's a cause of sadness

and melancholy to
all of his friends.

What's the matter,
is he getting worse?

Not only getting worse,
he's almost gone,

as has his mind.

Young man, pass that plate
of sweet corn, please.

You mean,
you're still hungry?

I haven't seen corn
as smooth and golden as this

since I was a boy on the shores
of Lake Simihoochee.

I thought you said, over on
the mountain, Lake Nipishima.

Nipishima on one side,
Simihoochee on the other.

Lots of lake
in that neck of the woods.

Just what neck
of the woods was that?

You, um, you boys familiar
with foreign lands?

Uh, no, no,
we've never been

out of the country.
Why?

Oh, it's a shame

that you can't know too much
about the wonderful country

of my childhood: Canada.

Well, this, uh, Nipotchki
and Scowchiehatchee,
whatever you call it,

are they in Canada?

On the other side of the
Frangitang Mountains.

Mr. Comstock, what about
my friend, Captain Sutter?

Poor man.

It's a pity what's
happened to him.

You wouldn't recognize him
anymore.

How bad is he, Mr. Comstock?

Not just one more?

Just a... small one?

Later.

In fact, I think we've all had
enough to eat for now.

Hop Sing!

Yes, Mr. Cartwright?
You like dinner?

Yes, dinner was very good,
Hop Sing, very good.

Very good, Hop Sing.
And I do thank you.

HOP SING:
Very good.

We'll have a coffee
in here.

Yes, Mr. Cartwright.

Mr. Comstock,
brandy?

Yes, don't mind if I do.
Thank you, sir.

You're very kind.

Nice little place you
got here.

Reminds me of the time
I was the guest

of Queen Victoria
at Buckingham Palace.

I'll ride on down
to the sawmill, Pa.

Have 'em bring
those trees in we cut down.

Fine, Adam, fine.

Oh, Adam, uh, do you
need any help?

Come to think of it,

we are a little
shorthanded.

How would you like
to work for us,
Mr. Comstock?

We pay good money,
a dollar American a day.

Work?
What kind of work is that?

Oh, hauling,
cutting timber.

Good, healthy,
outdoor work

from sunup to sundown.

Sunup?

Oh, I'm afraid that's not
the kind of work I do.

Just what kind of work
do you do, Mr. Comstock?

I'd be real anxious
to know.

Uh, well, I'm a,
I'm a merchant.

Yes, that's what I am,
a merchant.

Oh, a merchant?

Yeah. Sometimes I buy,
sometimes I sell.

It all depends on the state of
business, among other things.

(laughs nervously)

Your very good health, sir.

Among other things,
Mr. Comstock,

do you ever indulge
in something called

"panning for gold"?

You mean, you folks don't cotton
to folks who pan for gold?

I told you I planted
the first field of grain

with John Sutter
in the Valley of
the Sacramento.

Together, we planted those
hillsides with vines,

with fruit-bearing trees.

Do you know what
they did to that land,

those locusts,
those ravagers who
answered the cry

of "Gold in California"?

They tore out those vines,
they chopped down those trees,

they trampled that wheat.

Is it any wonder that John
Sutter sits on his porch now,

staring into the sun
by the hour,

recognizing no one,
seeing nothing?

You know about him, don't you?

I know all about him.

And that's why I came
to the Ponderosa,

my sons and I,

and that's why I made my vow:

that never would these
thousand square miles

of God-made country

be delivered into
the hands

of those spoilers,
those destroyers.

Mr. Comstock, if I so much
as see a man digging for gold

anywhere on my land,

I'll shoot him at sight.

Gold? You don't mean
there's gold up here

in western Utah, do you?

That's what we keep tellin'
those fellers over

at the Washoe diggin's,
Mr. Comstock.

That they just wastin'
their time.

There ain't enough gold
over there there to fool with.

Oh, you think
they'd listen to us?

I don't know what it is
about a gold miner.

They must be three-fourths loco
and the other fourth stupid.

You say they found gold?

What I said was that

they didn't hardly
find enough to fool with.

They pan all day,
come up with just enough

to buy themselves
a bottle of whisky.

Now, if you were
a whisky merchant,
Mr. Comstock,

you should do rather well
down at Washoe.

Washoe-- that's the name of
the place, huh? Washoe?

That's what
they call it.

20 miles due east
of the Ponderosa.

Yeah...

Where are you going,
Mr. Comstock?

Dinner was fine,
gentlemen.

I hate to rush,
but duty calls.

Duty?
What kind of duty?

Those miners
at Washoe,

they're just waiting
to buy and sell.

Farewell, gentlemen.

(chuckles)

The fool;
the gold-crazed fool.

Pa?
Hmm?

Maybe I ought to follow him.

Those fellas from California

might still be after him,
be trying to kill him.

Probably for
good cause, Hoss.

I thought you were worried
about four-legged animals.

Well, I reckon he's sort of like
a four-legged animal himself.

You might say like a jackass.

Hey, can I go too, Pa?

Every Saturday night
there's a dance

down at Dutch Pete's
at the diggin's.

A dance? Why, do they have
any women to dance with?

They got two or three.
They're pretty big.

Just some gals who do
the miners' washing.

You ought to see 'em, Pa.

They're big and rawboned
as Texas steers.

But they can dance!

(chuckles)
Western Utah's growing up.

All right, uh, Hoss, you go
after our friend the fool,

and, uh, Little Joe,

you, uh, go off to Dutch
Pete's to your dance.

Adam, what about you?
What do you want?

Hey, come on
with us, Adam.

Nah, I don't want
anything, Pa.

I got work to do.

But Little Joe,
I might just drop by

and take a look at one
of those big, rawboned women.

Hey, why don't you
do that, Adam?

As a matter of fact,
I'll save one for you.

The biggest and rawest
of the bunch!

Yes, I bet
you will.

(laughs)

Boy, I sure would like
to surprise him

with a pretty little gal.

There ain't no
pretty gals

within a hundred miles
of here, Little Joe.

I'm just thinking
about one... just one.

Pa, you sure his ma
wasn't part jackrabbit?

Hoss, his ma was
all woman.

So was Adam's.

So was yours.

And they left me sons, boy.

They left me sons.

Whoa.

"Rich man, poor man,
beggarman, thief..."

Which one you think he is, Hoss?

I reckon he's most likely been
nearly all of them

one time or other, Little Joe.

Still think those fellas
from California

might be after him?

I don't know.

But if they are,

he's gonna need some
mighty fast help.

Yeah, maybe so.

And I got
a real strange feeling

that ol' crowbait can take care
of just anything

that comes along.

Whoa.

Oh...

Little Dorothy.

There you are.

Eat hearty.

I guess the good Lord watches
over fools and little children.

Well, just in case the
good Lord forgets for a minute,

I think I better trail along
after him,

keep an eye peeled for trouble.

I'll see you
at the diggin's tonight.

You be sure and save me

some of that tarantula juice,
you hear!

When I get to the diggin's,

I ain't gonna have time
for any tarantula juice.

You stay out
of that Paiute country.

Remember what Pa said about
stirring them up.

Hoss, what the heck would I want
with any ol' Paiute?

Come on.

Hyah! Hyah!

(gasping)

Sorry, Mr. Comstock.
Did you hurt yourself?

Think nothing of it,
my boy, nothing at all.

We Comstocks are
made of steel.

Yes, I remember my grandpappy
at the ripe age of 93

chewing iron bars and
spitting out nails.

Yeah, I reckon you're
all right at that.

The way
you fell back there,

I could've swored
you broke something.

Son, you're looking at a
man who did break something--

his link with the past.

How long has all
this been going on?

Well, fellers been fooling
around these mountains

for years, digging up one side
and then down the other.

Fighting that blue stuff over
there, they call it.

Blue stuff? Never heard
of it. What's that?

Well, I don't reckon
anybody rightly knows,

Something that gums up
something fierce.

Makes it hard
to get at the gold.

The gold... yeah, the gold.

I like the sound
of that word, son.

It's like music to my ears.

Yes, sir, from now on,

I intend to confine
all my valuable time

to the Comstock Lode.

The Comstock Lode?

What's that?

Everything that
meets the eye, son.

Everything that
meets the eye.

But you just got here.

How can you even think about
naming all this after yourself,

when you only just got here?

Son, that just goes to show
you how wrong a man can be.

Because I got the
feeling that I been here

practically all of my life.

Greetings, gentlemen.

Henry T. P. Comstock brings you
greetings and salutations.

Did you two gentlemen
file a legal claim

for this particular
piece of land?

Legal claim? Now, what
kind of question is that?

Simple enough
question, friend.

You didn't file a claim, you're
trespassing on my property.

I'm requesting you
to move on.

Oh, Mr. Comstock, you can't
do a thing like that.

You only just got here.

Son, the law is the law.

The law says if a man
don't file a claim,

he ain't got any more right
than a ticker.

MINER:
Now you wait a minute.

You just wait a minute.

We filed a claim
more than a month ago.

Up at Dutch Pete's, we did it.

Dutch Pete's?

Sounds like a purveyor
of the old evil eye.

Now, if you filed this claim
in a legal-like courthouse...

Dutch Pete's
legal-like courthouse

is good enough for us, mister.

And give me back that pan.

Danged blue stuff.

Work and shake all day.

Ain't got nothing
to show for it

but this danged blue stuff!

Is this a private
conversation, friend,

or could you use
a little company?

Where'd you come from?

I'll ask
the questions, friend.

How big a claim
you got here?

Clear to the head
of the mountain.

And all of it ain't worth a...

Don't say it, friend.

Think it, but don't say it.

Got a good-sized claim.

Find much gold?

Gold?! You say gold?!

I tell you, mister, there ain't
nothing around here

but this danged blue stuff.

Not so loud.

How'd you like
to have yourself a partner?

A partner? In what?

Your claim, friend.

Clear to the top
of the mountain.

Anyone will do.
I'll give you...

I'll give you 20, uh...

$17 American.

Seventeen dollars!

But I tell, you mister,

all this dang blue stuff
ain't worth a nickel.

$17, my good man.

It's my final offer.

I'll take it, mister.

Mister...
Yeah?

you just boughten yourself
into half of this claim.

Seventeen dollars, huh?

Wait'll I tell this to the
boys at Dutch Pete's tonight.

Partner, there's something else
you're going to do

at Dutch Pete's tonight, too.

Now, at the properly
arranged time,

I want you to break...
Are you following me, friend?

Focus. At the properly
arranged time...

(clamoring)

(horse neighing)

You are brave man.

You ride
into Paiute village alone.

Chief Winnemucca, I believe you
know my father Ben Cartwright.

I know father...

I think you know me, too,
and my brothers Hoss and Adam.

Matter of fact, Chief, didn't
you trade Pa this pinto pony

for a buffalo gun?

You from high up on mountain.

Why you come here?

Well, I brought you
a little present, Chief.

Pretty nice color,
wouldn't you say?

You bring this for me?

Well, not exactly.
It's for your daughter.

When you see Saratuchee?

It was just a little while
back down at the river.

She was taking a bath.
Now, hold it, Chief!

She was more than a mile away,
just one of many women.

Lean Knife.

Other women, uh... much big?

Plenty fat?

Yeah, well,
I wouldn't know, Chief.

I didn't look
at the other women.

And what about this material?

Got it from a peddler crossed
the mountains from Sacramento.

Said it was genuine silk.

Not very strong.
Not much good.

Yeah, well, Chief, it's for
a dress, not a horse blanket.

Mm.

Saratuchee!

Now you look like
a real princess, ma'am.

What do you think, Chief?

Hmm.

Sure fine-tasting meat,
Chief. What is it?

Rattlesnake.

It's really
very good.

We have lot.
You eat more.

No thanks, Chief.
I'm not a very big eater.

Mm.

How about showing me
that appaloosa horse

you were trying
to sell me?

I bring horse.

You eat more.

Very good.

Sure, Chief.

Oh, please.
No thank you, ma'am.

I'm not a very
big eater.

Hey, uh...

you know how to make
this into a dress?

You know? A dress?

Here. Look.

See?

See what I mean here?

You know, uh...

Yeah, well, look now, it
doesn't look too good on me.

Look, you try it.

Sort of a...
Yeah, you do it.

That's it.

That's...

Yeah. Yeah.

You're getting the
idea, Princess.

Yeah. That looks nice.

Hey, now, listen,
there's a...

there's a dance down
at the Washoe diggin's.

A dance?

You don't know "dance."

Look.

A dance... dance.

* Da-dah... *
Dance. Dance.

There-- you know?
You like to dance?

Yeah, well, good.
So do I.

Now, listen, don't
tell Chiefy, all right?

Good, 'cause he'd scalp me if
he knew what I had in mind,

Now, you meet me where the
river meets the meadow.

Just beyond the waterfall?

Then, Princess, you and I are
gonna have ourselves a dance.

Ah!

Yeah, Chief, that's
what I call a horse.

(lively music playing,
people clapping in time)

* Y'all sway 'round,
here we go *

* Walk on your heels,
on your toes... *

* All the way,
swing that gal *

* Everybody swing around! *

(dancers whooping)

(caller continues
indistinctly)

Yahoo!

By all the howling snakes
and ring-tailed screamers,

that's what I call
a real hunk o' woman.

Hey... look at what Little Joe
brung to the party.

Innkeeper,
bring me one of those...

Never mind.

(coughing, wheezing)

Young fella,
I come from Virginia.

Which, as you can
no doubt hear,

is a pretty well-known
fact hereabouts.

You drunken cod, you don't
even know where Virginny is!

(laughing)

The Old Dominion, sir.

The fairest
of all the 35 states.

Land where I was born, sir.
Born and bred!

And been soaking
up to your teeth
in corn liquor ever since.

All right, friend,
I know you're from Virginia.

The Old Dominion, sir;
the fairest place...

You wouldn't say
that, friend--

you ever seen the sun
set on Lake Tomahonka?

Oh, it's the prettiest thing.
Where'd you find the girl, son?

The girl?
Hey, she's a real looker.

Oh, oh, Princess Sara.

Gentlemen!

Gentlemen and...

ladies.

I'd like to present to you
the princess Saratuchee.

Princess Sara for short.

Daughter of Chief Winnemucca

of our friendly neighbors,
the Paiutes.

(crowd murmuring)

Sir?

Do I understand you to mean
you were reckless enough

to take this Paiute girl away
from her kinfolk

and bring her here?

Excuse me, I just remembered
I ordered a drink.

Paiutes--
the silly young fool.

Innkeeper, give me a-a...

No, no, never mind.

Remember what Pa said about
stirring up them Paiutes?

Little brother, what you mean
about stirring up the Paiutes

and what I mean about
stirring up the Paiutes--

is two entirely
different stirring-ups.

Princess, may I have
the next dance?

Pardon me, man.

All right, everybody,

grab your partner.

We're gonna do
the Virginia Reel.

(cheering)

(lively music playing)

* Now forward again,
left elbow swing *

* All the way back
to your place again *

* Forward partner,
do-si-do... *

That's good brandy...

(slurring):
* Chicken and dough! *

* And a do-si-do! *

See what I mean,
Little Joe?

Fat and ugly as a skunk.

Yeah! Hey, Comstock's right.

She's a looker, boy.
(laughs)

Of course,
I prefer them

wider in the shoulder
and broader in the beam.

Mr. Comstock,
you like a dance?

Dance?

Oh, dance, yes, yes.

I tell you Hoss,
I hurt my leg in the war

at Lake Montibego...

Well, how about
one with me?

Oh, well,
that's different.

Excuse us.

Yeah, way to go, Hoss.

CALLER:
* ...with a do-si-do *

* With a chicken in the
bread pan pickin' out dough *

(caller continues indistinctly
under whooping and laughter)

* All the way back
to the head of your set *

* ...then go home *

Son, I'll trade
you Jenny here,

and throw in five
ounces of gold dust,

anytime you want to
switch partners.

(caller continues in the midst
of whooping and laughter)

(fiddle soloing prominently
with "Turkey in the Straw")

Princess, you sure
are beautiful.

No, you really are.

I don't know if this has ever
happened to you before, ma'am,

but you're so darn pretty...

(music stops)

You take Saratuchee away.

Well, I didn't exactly
take her away, Chief.

I uh, I just asked her
to go to a dance with me.

What you do,
you call this dance?

I-I guess I did get a
little carried away, Chief,

but she's a mighty
pretty girl.

She Paiute girl.

She marry him--
Lean Knife.

COMSTOCK:
Oh! Congratulations, friend.

Haven't been to a wedding
for a long time.

You know, I had an
uncle once-- Uncle Jonah.

Not the one who got
himself swallowed by a whale.

No, sir, it's a different
fellla entirely.

My mother's brother,
the one that never did

a day's lick of work
in his life.

Did manage to get himself
married, though,

seven different times.

(laughter)

Mr. Comstock.
Yes?

I think you've done
enough talking
for one night.

Well, I ain't had a chance
to kiss the bride yet.

(laughter)

(gunshot)

My sons seek no trouble with
the Paiutes, Chief Winnemucca.

That one is young, foolish.

He will be punished if
he's done anything wrong.

But he will be punished
by me, not by anyone else.

He is your son.

Yes, Chief,

and she is
your daughter.

Take her home.

You know, the thing I like
about you, younger brother,

is you don't care how big a mess
you yourself get into,

as long as someone else
gets you out of it.

You know, something,
older brother?

I just knew you'd
be here in time.

Just in time to
march you back home.

Now git.

Now wait a minute, Pa,
we can't go yet.

Adam here ain't
even had a dance.

Now where'd that
ol' big fat gal go to?

Why you horse-faced,
spindle-legged,
old sidewinder--

I said I was the one
buying the lady a drink.

Next time I want
a bath, friend,

I'll just arrange to
have you talk at me.

Innkeeper, pour this
young lady a shot.

Don't you touch
that, ma'am.

That stuff will
poison you.

Bartender, pour the little lady
a drink of your best whiskey.

The kind that we drink
down in Virginia.

My dear young lady,
I've traveled the
four corners of the Earth,

sailed the seven seas--
I'm here to tell you

the swill they drink
in Virginia

will rot a skunk's gut.

Ma'am, that's what
I like about you.

You sure drink
whisky like a lady.

Hey, Adam, I know she's a
little bit on the heavy side,

but every bit of her
sure can dance.

Fiddler, this is
a Saturday night.

Let's have a
little music.

(lively tune playing)

Look, boys, I've struck it!
I've struck it!

There's tons of it, boys!
There's tons of it!

Tons of it!

Enough... Enough gold
to make us all rich!

I'm gold rich!

It's gold!

It's gold!
Gold!

I'm rich, boys, I'm rich!

You know what that means?!
I'm rich! I'm rich!

Cut us in, Pike.

PIKE:
I'm rich, boys, I'm rich!

Cut us in, Pike!

There's a whole ledge of it.
A ledge 50 foot wide.

A solid ledge of gold.

It's a bonanza!

Where, Pike?
Where, where?
Pike!

We're your friends,
ain't we?

Tell us where it is.

Up Six-Mile Canyon, head of
the mountain, you dang fool.

Where do you think?

(clamoring)

I'm rich, boys!
I'm rich!

I'm rich!

You know what that
means, boys? I'm rich!

That's where it is...

Listen to me, men,
listen to me.

Thank you. Thank you.

Well, hurry up!

What's on your mind?

Just this:

I hate to break your hearts,

but all that gold out there,
all that big strike--

that's all on my land.

Every bit of it's on my land.

Your land?!
Yeah.

When'd you stake
a claim to it?

This afternoon, friend.

Ask my partner
there, Mr. Pike.

We're gonna call it
the Comstock Lode.

Is that true, Pike?

You sell this old horse
thief part of your claim?

Now wait a minute,
wait a minute.

To show you what kind of a guy
Henry T.P. Comstock is,

I'm gonna cut each
and every one of you

in on the fabulous Comstock Lode

for of $100 apiece American.

Cash on the barrelhead.

(all yelling)

It's all right, friend.
It's all right.

But it's gold,
I really found gold.

Sure, friend, we'll
talk about it later.

It's gold! Can't you see?

It's gold!

What?

Pike, it is gold.

It's really gold.

It's the richest
I've ever seen,

and here you are just
giving it away.

I didn't know,
I didn't know.

(laughter)

Pike...

Anybody want
their money back?

No, no.

I'll give anyone
double money.

Just say the word.

You want it all
for yourself,
you old money-grubber.

We want to be rich too,
now you hear?

Now you get out
of the way.

Follow me, men.

I'll show you where
the richest part is.

Pike, don't forget the best
friend and partner you ever had.

Let me, Pike...

I'll wait for all
of it, Jimmy.

(glass breaking)

(crowd murmuring)

Just so it won't be
a total loss,

I hereby baptize
this place...

Virginia.

(cheering)

That's not the way
to do it, boys.

Oh, shut up,
you old...

No, no, this is going to be
a great place someday.

Fortunes will be made here.

(laughter)

There'll be fortunes so great,

we're going to need help
counting our money.

So it ought to have
a fittin' name.

Shouldn't just call
it Virginia.

We ought to call it, uh...

Virginia City.

(cheering)

Hey, look who
just showed up.

(quietly):
Heck, did you hear 'em?

They found gold.

Yeah, I hear 'em.

Those are the guys
after Mr. Comstock.

They're not even thinking
of Henry Comstock now.

They're thinking of
only one thing-- gold.

(clamoring, cheering)

Well, there it is, boys.

What gold will do to men.

You know, I don't even feel
like going with them.

So do I,
Little Joe.

It's funny what gold will
do to a man, ain't it?

You saw what it did
to John Sutter's dream

in the Valley
of Sacramento.

Let's go home.

Well, there you have it.

The story
of Henry T.P. Comstock.

(laughs)

He sure fooled everybody
here, didn't he?

Yeah, he did,

but I guess most of all,
he fooled himself.

That claim we jumped--

do you know they've taken
millions of dollars

worth of pure silver
out of there?

And would you believe it--

Old Henry sold that claim
for what?

$11,000.

(chuckles)

Hearing that,
I don't feel so bad

about that worthless piece
of paper there.

Worthless?

Well, I, uh,

I wouldn't say it's
exactly worthless.

You paid, uh,
$25 hard money for it.

What do you say, boys?

Don't you think it'd be
worth $25 to have a memento

of our dear, departed friend?

(sighs)

(sighs)

You know, I'll bet
that old crow bait's

still jumping claims.

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

Here you are, old-timer.

$25 and a little more.

Well, thank
you kindly.

Let's go, boys.

LITTLE JOE:
Take it easy, old-timer.

We'll see you,
old-timer.

Yeah.